Title: Wise Men Cry

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Main pairings: Antti (Negative) / Mikko (Reflexion)

Tommi L / (and come on, ladies, look at the title of the story and you know it!)

Side pairings: Sir Christus (Negative) /Juha (Reflexion)

Jack (Private Line) / Jonne (Negative)

Ville (Flinch) / Lauri (Negative)

Rating:  NC-17
Summary: Mikko deals with breaking up with Leena. Christus takes the final step to becoming whole again and Tommi is pulled out of the closet!

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money out of these stories!

Warning: Real Person Slash.

Betaed by DA. All remaining mistakes are mine.

 

 

Bad echo

Memories before my days don't belong to me
I´m not trying to see. I just need to believe
And the things before my days don't belong to me
I don't want to see. I just need to believe

 

 

Part 1

Tahdon rakastella sinua

 

Mikko woke with the strong scent of coffee invading his nostrils and he smiled as he snuggled deeper into the mattress. He felt perfectly at ease and didn’t really want to leave his bed, but the tempting fragrance of coffee called to him. In the end, he swung his feet to the floor, rose, and slouched into the kitchen where Antti was already preparing breakfast. Mikko leaned against the doorway and watched the other redhead balance the coffee mugs and the toast. “Need help?”

 

Antti turned around and grinned. “I need a third hand, yes!” He managed to get everything safely to the kitchen table and then sat down. “Did you sleep okay?” He himself had had a sleepless night since he had been unable to stop thinking of the kiss they had shared. Had Mikko any idea at all what that kiss had done to him?

 

“Are you falling asleep on me?” Mikko frowned when Antti’s gaze became distant. It seemed as if he was about to doze. “Did you get up too early?” He checked the time and saw that it was only eight o’clock.

 

“I couldn’t sleep anyway,” Antti replied and drank his coffee. “So, how did you sleep?”

 

“Perfectly. I slept through the night and didn’t wake once.” Mikko smiled secretively. He’d had some pleasant dreams as well that had featured Antti. Antti distracted him and kept him from brooding all the time, though the stunt Leena had pulled was always in the back of his mind. He searched the floor and grinned. “No Vihtori?”

 

“I let him sleep in late.” Antti smiled shyly at Mikko. It was really weird to be sitting there chatting like the kiss had never happened. It had happened though and they both knew it. “Want my help finding a job?”

 

“Sure!” Mikko nodded eagerly. “You got any ideas? Do you know where they need help?”

 

“Depends on what kind of work you’re willing to do… I know they’re looking for help at the Dog’s Home. It’s a pub that also hosts concerts. We could look into that. Another plus is that it’s nearby.” Antti would make sure Mikko ended up working some place where it was safe and the supervisor was nice. “And I’m sure you can get time off whenever Reflexion has a gig. Jussi is a really nice guy!”

 

“Sounds good.” Mikko would be happy if that would work out for him. “Let’s go there…”

 

“No use in going there early. Jussi won’t show up until two PM.”

 

“Maybe we can check out some other places until then?” Mikko suggested.

 

Antti nodded, although he liked the idea of Mikko working at the Dog’s Home best. He knew it was a great place to work. “Okay, let’s hit the town then!”

 

~~~

 

“Sure, we always need help. As long as you’re reliable, you can work here.” Jussi nodded and exchanged a look with Antti, who he owed a favor with, but he would have taken Mikko on at any rate. The redhead had made a good first impression. “You start tomorrow at two PM and get off at ten… Let’s see what you can do, okay?”

 

Mikko was happy – more than happy – to have a job. He had a good feeling about this. Jussi seemed like a nice guy, the bar was a comfortable spot to hang out at, and Antti often frequented it. It was in a word: perfect!

 

~~~

 

“Let’s celebrate your last evening of freedom!” Antti had told himself to behave and, instead of getting out the hard stuff, had opted for some coffee. “Not spiked in the least,” he assured Mikko when he got a suspicious look. “You need to be sharp tomorrow. Jussi is fairly easy-going. As long as you don’t majorly fuck up, the job is yours!”

 

“Thanks for helping me out,” Mikko said while accepting the hot drink. “I’ll feel better once I got some money in my checking account!”

 

“Good thing you don’t have that many bills to pay!” Antti commented jokingly and sat down on the couch next to Mikko. He kept some distance though, uncertain where they were at. The situation confused him. Mikko then shifted toward him and the redhead tucked the throw around their bodies. It wasn’t cold in the apartment, so Antti suspected Mikko had other reasons for doing it. Maybe the other man wanted him close and was too shy to say so.

 

“Since we didn’t watch any horror movies last night, do you want to watch some now? I still want to watch House of Wax. It features Paris Hilton and got some really bad reviews so I’m curious about it. I can even get the potato chips out and…”

 

Mikko stopped Antti short. “We can watch the movie if you like, but don’t start running about again. Stay put, will you?” Antti was always moving about and couldn’t seem to stay in one place for more than five minutes. “Let’s enjoy this, if this is to be my last evening of freedom. Though, I don’t mind working. The place looked okay.”

 

Antti briefly left the couch to insert the DVD and then returned to Mikko’s side. “I like going there. Not many fans know about the place.” Glancing inquisitively at Mikko, he wondered if cuddling would be a good idea. Would Mikko want that?

 

Mikko had a fairly good idea what was going on in Antti’s head. “Come here.” He raised an arm and Antti snuggled close to him. He tucked the throw back into place and rested his head against Antti’s shoulder. This was nice. It was cozy and he could very well imagine living there. But then the movie started and it didn’t take long, or much, for Mikko to feel ill at ease. He simply hated horror movies! He always ended up scared!

 

Antti got to feel the sting of that fear when Mikko’s fingernails buried themselves in his thigh. He frowned and glanced at Mikko in puzzlement, but he realized what was wrong and switched off the sound in the hope it would soothe Mikko’s nerves when he saw the look in Mikko’s eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me you don’t like horror movies?”

 

Mikko blushed as he realized that he had been found out. “I didn’t want to ruin your fun. You were eager to watch the movie and I didn’t want to spoil it for you.”

 

Antti stopped the movie, put the remote control aside, and turned toward Mikko. “We can watch Titanic if you want. Jonne once left a copy here.”

 

Mikko grinned. “Now you’re going from one extreme to the other.”

 

Antti returned the grin. “Why don’t you pick a movie from my selection and I’ll get the potato chips? I’m hungry!”

 

Mikko was still amazed at how much the skinny bass player ate. “Okay, I’ll have a look.” Maybe he would find a movie he liked. They both moved off of the couch and, while Antti disappeared into the kitchen, Mikko checked out Antti’s movie collection. Finding his favorite movie, he grinned and exchanged the DVDs in the player then returned to the couch.

 

Joining him a moment later, Antti placed a big bowl of potato chips along with a bottle of cola on the coffee table. Making himself comfortable once more, he leaned against Mikko and then retrieved the potato chips. “What did you pick?”

 

“I hope you like the movie, but since you own it, I guess you do.” Mikko pressed play and stole some of the potato chips.

 

Antti’s grin broadened. “So you like Captain Jack Sparrow?”

 

Mikko nodded and continued to eat. “I do!”

 

~~~

 

Tommi felt nervous when he entered the restaurant. He had often passed it by, but had never eaten there. The atmosphere was a bit too dark and depressing for his taste, but now he had a good reason to venture inside. He wanted to meet Bad echo. Looking about, he disliked the fact that it was so dark and shadowed inside. They could light a few more lamps in there! A probing look showed that there were no other guests. He was fifteen minutes early though.

 

“Can I help you?” one of the waiters addressed him.

 

“Maybe you can.” Tommi nodded. “I’m supposed to meet someone and he told me to ask for table number five. He usually has that table.”

 

The waiter nodded. “I think I know who you mean. He isn’t here yet though. Let me show you the way.”

 

The waiter walked up front and Tommi followed and realized, to his dismay, that he was being led into the back where it was even darker. “Don’t you have lights around here?” The waiter glanced disdainfully at him.

 

“We aim for this sort of ambiance, but if you like, I can light some candles.”

 

“Please do! I want to see what I’m eating when the food gets here.” Tommi sat down feeling cross and frustrated. The waiter then left, apparently to fetch candles, and Tommi’s mood darkened. This was a stupid place to meet! Moving his chair closer to the only source of light in the back of the establishment, he ended up sitting with his back to the door. He didn’t notice that though since he was intent on moving closer to the dimmed light.

 

“Hei, you’re early too.”

 

Tommi’s eyes widened. Had he missed Bad echo’s arrival?

 

“Are you by any chance Tommi?”

 

The other man had a pleasant voice, Tommi noticed, and he quickly rose from his chair to introduce himself. Turning around, he smiled and then blinked in surprise as he stared at the man standing in front of him. “Matthau?”

 

Matthau stared at Tommi. Tommi Liimatainen! In his wildest dreams, he hadn’t thought ‘his’ Tommi and Tommi Liimatainen would be one and the same. “I had no idea…” he stuttered and was about to turn around to leave again when Tommi placed a hand on his shoulder and stopped him. “This is a mistake. Forget you ever saw me here.” He had expected to meet a stranger – a man he knew from online – but he had never expected it to be someone he *knew*.

 

“Please stay and sit down.” Tommi gazed pleadingly at Matthau. “You’re here now and you’re probably hungry. Let’s eat and talk, just like we planned.”

 

Matthau swallowed hard. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

 

Tommi nodded and used his hold on Matthau’s shoulder to guide him to the other chair. “It’s quite a surprise, but… It’s no reason for you to leave.” Tommi sat down and waited for Matthau to do the same. He had never ever expected Chris’ brother to show up. “So you’re Bad echo.”

 

Matthau sighed and sat down opposite Tommi. He lowered his eyes and shrugged. “It’s the title of one of my songs.”

 

Tommi blinked. He had never made that connection, but then again, it could have also been a fan choosing the nickname because he liked Bloodpit. The waiter returned, lit two candles with obvious reluctance, and then asked them what they wanted to drink. “Coffee,” Tommi ordered. “What do you want to drink?”

 

Matthau laughed bitterly. “A bottle of vodka!”

 

Tommi shook his head. “No way. Make it two coffees.” The waiter left and Tommi searched Matthau’s face as well as he could considering the shadowed lighting. “I’m glad you decided to show up.”

 

“I shouldn’t have. If I had known it was you…” Matthau drew in a deep breath. “So you were talking about Ville when…”

 

Tommi nodded. “I wanted to know how to help him get away from alcohol and your advice helped.” He smiled at Matthau. “And you were referring to Chris. I thought the two of you had reconciled?”

 

“We did and then we fought again. He was finally clean and I had started drinking again and shooting up occasionally. He didn’t approve of that just because he was clean at the moment.”

 

“He still is,” Tommi remarked thoughtfully. “And what about you? Did you manage to resist temptation or…?”

 

“I’ve been sober for three months now, but each day the struggle gets harder.”

 

The waiter returned with their coffee and Tommi and Matthau ordered their food. Once the waiter had left, Tommi leaned in closer. “It’s weird knowing we talked on the net for the last few months and… I told you things I haven’t even told Jonne!”

 

Matthau swallowed nervously. “Same goes for me. I bared my soul every evening. So what do we do now?”

 

“We have dinner and talk about the things that bother you like we had planned we would. Yes, I’m stunned that it’s you, but… It doesn’t change anything. I still want to help and offer a listening ear.”

 

It took Matthau a moment to really understand what Tommi was saying. Tommi wanted to continue. Tommi wasn’t leaving. Tommi wasn’t disgusted that it was him sitting there.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Acting on impulse, Tommi curled his fingers around Matthau’s and found them cold and trembling. “Talk to me.”

 

Matthau reminded himself that Tommi had always listened patiently to his raving night after night. Tommi’s presence on the net had saved him from turning to alcohol on several occasions. He had wanted to drink so badly, but every time, Tommi had kicked his ass and told him not to give in. Realizing that hadn’t changed, he plunged ahead, “I was afraid you’d be disgusted to find me here… I mean, I fucked up. Bloodpit’s gone. I fight with Chris and… I’m a total failure!”

 

Tommi squeezed Matthau’s fingers. “You’re not, but I understand why you might think that. You told me many times that you feel like you screwed everything up, but hey, you’re trying to make amends, aren’t you? You’re sober and you’re trying to get back on your feet. Cut yourself some slack.”

 

Matthau managed a weak smile. “I wasn’t sure what to expect from this meeting. I wasn’t even sure you’d show up. I would have understood if you had reconsidered meeting a stranger.”

 

Tommi shook his head. “I told you that I’d be here and I keep my promises!” The waiter arrived with the food and Tommi had to admit that it tasted just fine after trying it. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

 

“I’m not hungry…” Matthau stared at the food and felt miserable. He wasn’t sure what was wrong. He should feel relieved that Tommi had shown up. He *knew* Tommi and while not *that* well, they had talked on several occasions. He wouldn’t call them friends, but they *were* acquainted.

 

“Thanks for helping me with Ville. I really appreciated your advice.” Tommi tried to make contact again. Matthau seemed lost in thought and Tommi wanted to find out why the other man was brooding.

 

Matthau forced himself to pay attention. He simply hadn’t dealt with the shock yet of finding Tommi at the restaurant. “I’ve got enough experience,” he said bitterly. His eyes widened as he recalled the things he had told Tommi online. “I should really learn to keep my mouth shut online.”

 

Tommi squeezed Matthau’s hand again. “I’m glad you told me and you needed to get it off your chest back then.” It had been nothing spectacular. Nothing that, in retrospect, was unexpected. Jukka and Matthau had grown up with a rock star for a father and drugs had always been available to them. They had simply been exposed to that kind of life too early. “You know, you should really eat something. A few bites. It looks good,” he suggested while pointing at Matthau’s dish.

 

Matthau sighed, but then started eating. “So what will happen now that you know it’s me?” He peeked up at Tommi.

 

Tommi sought out Matthau’s gaze and then replied firmly, “This changes nothing. I still like you. I’ll still chat with you. I’ll still listen to you, but…”

 

Matthau’s fork dropped to the plate and he eyed Tommi with apprehension. “But what?”

 

“But I was hoping we might be able to talk without the internet. I’d like it better if we could talk in person.” Tommi realized that might be too big a step for Matthau, who had probably felt safe being anonymous on the net.

 

“I don’t know if I can do that. It’s one thing to chat on the net, but to sit down, look you in the eye, and then…” His appetite had gone and he pushed the plate away from him.

 

Tommi had never imagined Matthau’s confidence would be so low. “We’ll give it a try and see if it works, all right?”

 

Matthau nodded slightly. The fact that Tommi was still there, holding his hand, and listening to him, encouraged him. But he wasn’t sure he could talk to the older man when they were face to face.

 

~~~

 

Juha smiled brightly at Chris. “You made dinner!” That day had been his first day back at work and he felt tired. Work itself wasn’t draining, but the fact that they had just moved into their new house and were still putting the finishing touches on it was taking its toll on him. He sat down at the kitchen table and grinned like mad when Chris served him dinner. “Pasta! I thought you didn’t know how to make that!”

 

“I had help,” Chris admitted as he tasted the first bite. It was edible and that was all that mattered.

 

“Who helped?” Juha had to acknowledge that it tasted fine.

 

“Nakki visited and helped me prepare it.” Chris was happy Juha seemed to like the food. “I missed you. If it hadn’t been for Nakki, I would have been bored out of my mind.”

 

“Did you give my suggestion any thought? We have enough space in the basement to install a modest recording studio. Nothing fancy, but I like the idea.”

 

Juha had addressed the option before and until recently Chris had been hesitant to say yes. He didn’t write much music. Jonne and Lauri were responsible for Negative’s songs, but then he realized that he should consider something else as well. “You write most of Reflexion’s songs, don’t you?”

 

Juha nodded. “Or I co-write.”

 

In that case, the investment might pay off. “I’ll look into it.” Chris ate a few more bites and then felt full. “Juha?” He placed his fork down and gazed questioningly at the redhead.

 

Juha still smiled at his lover. “Yes, dear?”

 

Chris cringed. They had really become an old-fashioned married couple. “I’m…” He was horny like hell. It had been like that all day and if he wasn’t careful he might end up dragging Juha into bed with him. “Are you very tired?”

 

Juha arched an eyebrow knowingly. “You won’t let me have dinner in peace, will you?” He grinned though.

 

“I can’t help it. It’s my hormones...I want you,” he added and gazed beseechingly at Juha.

 

“You want me.” Juha’s grin broadened. “Why didn’t you touch yourself when you need it so bad?” Every now and then, the tease popped out again. “You could have done it yourself…”

 

Chris groaned. Juha had gotten a little bit of tomato sauce on his chin and was making a show out of licking it off with the tip of his tongue. His groin stirred and he grew painfully hard. Things got even worse when Juha wiped the sauce away with a fingertip, which he then sucked provocatively. “You’re still a tease.”

 

Juha rose from his chair and made his way over to Chris. He straddled his lover and looked him in the eye. “What do you want? What do you need?” Leaning in closer, he suckled Chris’ earlobe and then his lips traveled lower, licking down his lover’s throat. “Tell me,” he whispered seductively into Chris’ ear. “Do you want to take me? Do you want me to scream your name?” Juha’s hand slid towards Chris’ groin and he rubbed the bulge there. “What do you want, Chris?”

 

Chris swallowed hard. Juha was making it very hard for him to think at all. All he could think about was finding release. “I want to bend you over this table and drive myself home.”

 

Juha’s eyes blazed with fire. “Then why don’t you?”

 

Chris accepted the challenge. He turned Juha around, got to his feet, and within seconds had unzipped Juha’s jeans and pushed them lower. Running his hands over the firm mounds of flesh, he squeezed his lover’s buttocks. “I want you so badly.” With his other hand, he unbuttoned his trousers and freed his cock from its confines. “I can’t wait to make you scream.”

 

Juha closed his eyes and swayed briefly, overwhelmed by the situation. “Chris, we need…”

 

“Got everything ready…” He pulled out the condom and tube of lube from a pocket and put them on the kitchen table. Pushing their plates aside, he guided Juha’s hands onto the table and then used his knee to part the redhead’s legs further. His teeth buried themselves in Juha’s shoulder, but he didn’t bite. He merely nibbled. He rolled the condom down his length, added the lube, and then drew in a deep breath. “Are you ready?”

 

Juha looked at Chris from over his shoulder. “Do it.” Chris’ hands settled around his waist before he entered him. It hurt at first, but once Chris started thrusting and rubbing his prostate, the pain changed into pleasure. Moving with Chris, he met each of his lover’s thrusts and panted. “Harder!” he demanded.

 

Chris’ heart missed a beat at the order and he drove himself into Juha with determination. Soon they were moving in unison and Chris’ hand reached across Juha to stroke his lover’s cock. “I won’t…last long!” This was too sweet, so very sexy, and Chris quickly lost control and climaxed. Juha however didn’t come with him and Chris didn’t notice that at first. He rested his upper body against Juha’s back and tried to catch his breath. “First time…in the kitchen…” he managed.

 

“But hopefully not the last time!” Juha bit his bottom lip. Chris had stopped stroking him and he was still on edge from not coming. His lover slipped out of his body and Juha’s hand stole towards his groin to finish the job himself.

 

Realizing that he had left the redhead behind, Chris caught his lover’s hand in his and shook his head. “Not like that.” Juha gazed pleadingly at him. “I want you to come inside of me. I want you to take me too.” He meant every word of it. He was ready for this!

 

Juha turned around. “Are you sure? Are you really sure?” He brushed some black strands away from his lover’s face. “Isn’t it too soon to think about that?”

 

Chris looked Juha steadfast in the eye. “I want this. I’m ready.”

 

Juha nodded slowly. If Chris really wanted this and thought himself ready to take this step, he had to trust in his lover’s judgment. “But not here. Not in the kitchen.”

 

“You take the lead…” Chris looked at Juha trustingly. The last few days he had imagined so many ways in which Juha could take him. He had played all sorts of possibilities in his head. At first, he had been convinced that he would need to be in charge, but then something had changed. He had discovered a need within himself to let go and show Juha how much he trusted his lover.

 

“Are you sure you want that? You can be in control… You can decide what happens.” Juha wasn’t sure him taking the lead was for be the best.

 

“I trust you,” Chris stressed. “I trust you.”

 

Juha nodded and pulled Chris’ hand close to his heart. His lover didn’t realize it, but he was placing a great responsibility onto his shoulders. Juha was nervous. What if he fucked up? Chris trusted him to do everything right and make their first time special. “I’m scared, Chris,” he confessed. “What if I disappoint you or can’t live up to your expectations?”

 

Chris hadn’t expected Juha to be insecure and found himself reassuring his lover. Any doubts he might have had regarding the matter vanished. It was important to both of them that they finally took this step. “I trust you. I know you’ll do everything right. I love you.” He kissed Juha on the lips. “Bedroom?” he asked and smiled.

 

Juha nodded nervously. Chris really wanted to do it. His lover was ready to take this step, but Juha had never asked himself if *he* was ready to do this. What if he hurt Chris unintentionally?

 

“Don’t,” Chris whispered and kissed Juha again. “Everything will be well. Trust me.” He hadn’t wanted to take the lead, but he found himself in a situation where he had to since Juha seemed to have frozen on the spot. “Come with me. We’re going to make love…” He pulled Juha with him and together they made their way into their bedroom.

 

Juha’s nervousness increased further when they finally made it into their bedroom. It would only be right that they make love in his big, comfortable bed because it would be Chris’ first time in a way. Chris stepped out of his trousers and removed his shirt then let himself fall onto his back on the soft mattress. “Juha, don’t leave me here on my own.” He raised his arm in invitation.

 

Mouth dry, Juha found that swallowing was becoming increasingly difficult. “What are you doing to me?” He drew in a deep breath, closed his eyes for a minute, opened them again, and removed his clothes. Once he was naked too, he walked over to the bed and stood there. “Chris, I don’t know… I can’t… I need…” He needed Chris to ground him. Direct him if possible.

 

“It’s okay,” Chris soothed his lover. He hadn’t thought Juha would be so nervous. It had never crossed his mind that this might be difficult for his lover as well. “I want this and I love you.” Raising himself a little bit, he placed his hands onto Juha’s hips and pulled him onto the bed until the redhead straddled him. “Please make love to me. Show me what it’s really like? I love you so much and I want this. I want to feel you inside me, like I’ve been inside you.”

 

Juha started to relax a bit at the passion in Chris’ voice. He would have to let himself fall, he realized that much. One look showed that Chris had brought the tube of lubrication along and another condom lay close. “Did you plan this?”

 

Chris nodded. “I plead guilty.” Running his fingers through Juha’s hair, he ended up massaging the back of his lover’s neck. “Please, Juha… Show me.”

 

There was no way Juha could deny Chris. “I will. I love you so much…” Bending down, he kissed his lover and then licked his way down to a nipple, which he lavished with attention. Once it stood to attention, he concentrated on the other neglected one and coaxed it into hardness as well. Brushing both nipples at the same time with his fingertips, he let his hair fall forward and created a curtain, deepening the intimacy and locking out the outside world. “I love you,” he whispered and kissed Chris passionately.

 

Chris had grown erect again and was also painfully aware of Juha’s length pressed against his thigh. “I want to know what it’s like…”

 

Juha nodded. “Soon…” He refused to be rushed. He uncapped the tube, put ample lubricant onto his fingertips, and then trailed them along the perineum towards the entrance to his lover’s body. “”I’ll be careful,” he promised.

 

“I know that…” Chris’ fingers were once more moving through the red hair, caressing it. “I just want to be able to see your face when we make love.”

 

“I want that too.” Juha massaged the outer ring and his lips returned to showering Chris’ chest with light kisses.

 

Chris hadn’t believed it possible, but he felt relaxed. He really trusted Juha and wanted for this to happen. “It’s okay…”

 

Juha nodded again and then inserted one finger into the tight channel. He eyed Chris’ reaction closely. They had gone this far before and his lover had enjoyed being brought to orgasm this way, but both knew that they would go further that day. “Still fine?” Juha added a second finger and stretched his lover. He ran his tongue up Chris’ throat and coaxed his lover’s cock into hardness again with his other hand. “Tahdon rakastelle sinua,” he sang softly into Chris’ ear.

 

Chris relaxed further and surrendered to the sensation Juha created each time he hit his prostate. “I won’t last long this way. You’re killing me by going so slowly.” But he also knew it was necessary.

 

It wasn’t easy for Juha either. He yearned for release, but had to control his need. “Do you think you’re really ready? We can still stop.” The look his lover shot him revealed that Chris would rather die than stop. “Okay, I get it.” He smiled weakly and prayed that he wouldn’t hurt or disappoint his lover. He let go of Chris’ erection for one moment to roll on the condom. Just to be on the safe side, he covered it with more lube and then blanketed Chris with his body. “Like this?” he asked while settling between Chris’ legs.

 

Chris nodded. During the past few nights, he had wondered if it would be best if he went on top and rode Juha, but he realized that Juha needed something from him too. “Like this. I trust you… I love you…” He caressed Juha’s face and kissed the already bruised lips. “Make love to me.”

 

Juha drew in a deep breath and started to sheathe himself inside his lover. His eyes searched Chris’ and, even though he yearned to thrust and climax, he exerted control and paused when his lover tensed briefly. “Should I withdraw?”

 

“Don’t you dare!” Chris wrapped his arms around Juha and pulled him closer so he could kiss him. This was completely different from that one time, which had hurt so much. This was heaven. He loved Juha and wanted to feel him that way. “Go deeper inside…”

 

Juha bit his bottom lip and buried himself another inch deeper inside his lover’s body. Chris was tight and it was pushing him over the edge. He steadied himself, focused, and managed to continue. It took them several moments, but then Juha was buried inside his lover’s body. “You’re so tight… You’re driving me mad.”

 

Chris placed his hands on either side of Juha’s face and looked his lover in the eye. “I love you,” he whispered and then kissed first one eye and then the other. He tasted salt and stared at Juha in surprise. “Why…?” Why were there tears running down Juha’s face?

 

“I…” Juha was too close to the edge to answer his lover. He was happy that they had finally managed to take this step and feeling Chris like this was overwhelming him.

 

Chris caught on and smiled. “Make love to me,” he whispered and engaged Juha in a passionate kiss. He sighed as Juha finally started to thrust and sucked on his lover’s bottom lip, teasing him a little. Wrapping his legs around Juha’s waist, he made sure his lover remained close and clung to him as they made love. They moved slowly with purpose and Chris pressed kisses onto Juha’s face, still tasting the salt, but no longer minding it. “I love you,” he repeated. Juha’s fingers wrapped around his cock and Chris came after only a few strokes. Everything was too intense and there was no way he could draw it out.

 

Juha buried his face in the crook of his lover’s neck when Chris tightened further around him. Unable to keep back any longer, he climaxed and pressed himself against his lover’s trembling body.

 

They remained in that position for several minutes. Both felt overwhelmed and neither wanted to move and break the connection. What had happened just then had been magic. It was Chris who managed a reaction. Smiling at Juha, he stroked his lover’s face. “Now I know what it’s like. Thank you for showing me.”

 

Juha nodded tiredly against his lover’s chest. He had softened and he pulled out, having no choice but to break the connection. With his remaining energy, he managed to lift his head and search Chris’ eyes. “Did I hurt you?”

 

Chris shook his head. “You didn’t. I knew you would do everything right. You love me, don’t you?” Juha nodded and Chris brushed his lover’s lips with his. “Thank you for helping me heal, my love.” He guided Juha’s head back to his shoulder and stroked his lover’s back. He finally felt complete.

 

TBC

 

Part 2

For the time being

 

“It makes a good impression on me,” Lauri said after studying the information they had gotten at the university. “You should go ahead and enroll.”

 

Ville was giving it some serious thought. Leafing through the brochures, he considered everything. “I still need to get a job. Even if you help me finance everything…” Musta jumped onto his brochure and slid down the paper. “You’re a bad kitten!” Ville patted the kitten though and then placed it on the floor. “Go play with the toys and your siblings!”

 

Lauri sat down on the floor and played with the other two kittens, which they had called Harmaa and Pinki, keeping the names in the colors category. “Get enrolled first and start your studies. We can find you a job if that becomes necessary.”

 

Ville put the brochures aside and sat down behind Lauri before wrapping himself around the older man. He rested his head on Lauri’s shoulder and watched the kittens play. “I can’t remember ever being this happy before.”

 

Lauri looked at him from over his shoulder and nodded. “Same goes for me,” he replied and kissed Ville.

 

~~~

 

Mikko didn’t wake the next morning until ten. He hadn’t gone to bed very late, but somehow he had needed the rest. Maybe his body knew it might be a long, hard day at work and wanted to build his reserves. Still sleep-drunk, he swayed into the kitchen in the hope of finding Antti there. The other redhead wasn’t present, but the kitchen table was set for one person to have breakfast. Another look at the coffee maker showed that Antti had made coffee and Mikko poured himself some before buttering a slice of toast and adding marmalade to it.

 

Checking the floor just in case a racing turtle was moving about, Mikko got to his feet again and went in search of Antti. Hearing some noise from the bathroom, he pushed the door ajar curiously. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked, hoping he hadn’t caught Antti at an inopportune moment.

 

Antti smiled and beckoned Mikko to come inside. “I’m just taking care of my hair.” He treated each dread with care and invested lots of time to his hairdo. It was something he took pleasure and pride in and enjoyed the fact that his hair looked so different from what people normally wore. It still vexed him even after all this time that Jonne had been so sloppy and negligent with his.

 

Mikko leaned against the doorway and watched Antti. “Does that take up a lot of time?”

 

“An hour if I want to get everything right. But I’ve gotten used to it, so it passes by quickly. You look rested. Did you get up just now?”

 

Mikko nodded. “I didn’t think you’d be up this early.”

 

Antti shrugged. “When I’m not on tour, I like to get up a bit early, so I get up around eight or nine. Helps me build a routine.” He finished fixing his last dread and then smiled at Mikko. “Bathroom is yours!”

 

“Kiitos! I’m dying to take a shower!” It had been comfortably warm beneath his comforter, but he had sweat during the night. “I want to look my best at my first day of work.”

 

“Jussi wouldn’t mind if you look a bit wasted. It fits the image of his pub!” Antti moved toward the doorway to leave, but Mikko was blocking it. “Hey move it,” he ordered and grinned.

 

Mikko shook his head and, in his best Jack Sparrow imitation, retorted, “Not yet...there’s a price to be paid!”

 

Antti, feeling relaxed and up for some fun, continued to grin. “And what kind of price might that be, Captain Sparrow?”

 

“How about a kiss?” Mikko inclined his head.

 

Antti wasn’t sure that was a good idea, but his feet were already carrying him closer to Mikko. “Only one?” he asked teasingly.

 

“Let’s start with one and then we’ll see if I want more,” Mikko responded and flashed Antti a broad grin. He rested his hand at the back of Antti’s neck. “Don’t be like that… Kiss me.”

 

Antti still had doubts, but was unable to resist Mikko’s lips when they brushed his. Closing his eyes and cocking his head, he moved closer until Mikko could wrap his arms around him. The kiss deepened when Mikko’s tongue pushed against his lips and Antti opened his mouth to let him in. Soft mews escaped him as he lost himself in the kiss. Just in time, he regained control over his senses and broke it off. Wide-eyed, he stared at Mikko. “Do you think this is a good idea?”

 

Mikko nodded. “Actually yes, I do.” Antti wasn’t pressuring him into anything. They were kissing because Mikko wanted them to kiss. So far, he had taken the initiative and had realized that he really wanted to take this further. Maybe not just yet, but in the future most certainly. “It’s only a kiss. No harm ever came from sharing a kiss.”

 

Antti’s eyes narrowed. “You like ‘The Mummy’ too?” He recognized the quote even though Mikko had altered it slightly.

 

“Do you like that movie too? Maybe we can watch it once I get back from work.” Mikko’s hand still rested at the nape of Antti’s neck as he rubbed there.

 

Antti’s mouth went dry. The smile Mikko gave him made him feel weak in the knees. “Yes, we can do that. I’ve got the movie at home.” If Mikko kept stroking his neck like that he might start purring like a big cat!

 

Mikko lowered his arm again. “Good, I’m already looking forward to it. And thanks for the coffee. I need that in the morning.”

 

Antti needed something completely different right then. Mikko’s bedroom look, the stroking of his skin, and this soft voice had made him hard. “I’ll… I’m…” Antti practically fled the bathroom, afraid he would embarrass himself further.

 

Grinning, Mikko watched Antti flee his presence. He really liked Antti and had a good feeling where their friendship was concerned. It meant a lot to him that Antti wasn’t pressuring him. Antti seemed to understand that he needed time. After Mikko removed his boxers and t-shirt, he stepped into the shower and switched on the water.

 

~~~

 

Antti faced a problem...a very hard and not vanishing problem. Damn Mikko for pulling that stunt on him in the bathroom. He was doing his best not to approach the other man that way and Mikko… Damn him! He ended up fleeing into his bedroom and then locked the door, which he seldom did. The worst thing that could happen was Mikko entering the room while he…

 

Antti stretched out on the bed and pushed down his boxers so he could touch himself. Damn Mikko! Damn him for… It didn’t help getting angry with Mikko. It only served to remind him of the kiss they had just shared and he released a deep sigh as he wrapped his fingers around his cock and started stroking it firmly. Closing his eyes, he recalled the way Mikko had tasted when their tongues had twined. A minute later, he climaxed. Fuck, fuck, fuck! This wasn’t happening! He wasn’t losing his head over Mikko. But in the end, he had to admit that he had fallen in love with the other redhead and there was no denying that a mere touch from Mikko turned him on!

 

~~~

 

Tommi was about to fetch his coat so he could leave for work when he checked his email one last time. He had remained online on MSN messenger just in case Matthau needed to talk to him. They had stayed at the restaurant until close to midnight before parting. Tommi had noticed that Matthau was distressed and had therefore sent him a message once he had arrived home, telling the other man to contact him in case he needed support. It had remained quiet all night though. Maybe Matthau had been able to sleep after all. He had just gotten up to leave when Matthau appeared online. A second later, a message flashed at the bottom of his screen, seeking his attention.

 

Glancing at the clock, he realized he had some time left. It was a good thing he had flexible working hours and his first appointment was in two hours.

 

Tommi says: Hei Matthau! You’re up early!

 

Bad echo says: I just bought 2 bottles of whiskey…

 

Tommi sucked in his breath. That was bad...really bad.

 

Tommi says: Did you already drink some?

 

Bad echo says: Not yet, but… I really, really want some… It’s talking to me… It’s telling me to drink… Tommi, I’m about to…

 

Tommi says: Don’t you dare touch that alcohol and give me your fucking address!

 

Bad echo says: Why? I mean, why do you want my address?

 

Tommi says: Think! Why would I want it? Because I’m coming over there and we’ll get rid off the whiskey! Whatever you do, don’t drink it, do you hear me?

 

There was a pause and Tommi was about to start typing again when Matthau replied suddenly.

 

Bad echo says: Aleksanterinkatu 29, but Tommi…

 

Tommi says: No but! I’m already on my way. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Don’t touch the alcohol, Matti. Don’t! I’m going offline now, but I’ll be knocking on your door shortly! See you in ten!

 

Tommi didn’t wait for Matthau to reply and shut down his computer. He grabbed his keys and coat and was out the door.

 

~~~

 

Mikko carefully selected his clothes, wanting to make a good first impression at work. He slipped into his favorite pair of jeans, added a T-shirt to it, and then stepped into his shoes. Checking himself over in the mirror, he decided that he looked fine. Jussi wouldn’t find anything wrong with his outfit. Suddenly his mobile phone rang and he picked it up. “Hei, Mikko here!”

 

“Hei! It’s me!”

 

Mikko grinned. “Juha… I wanted to call you this evening. Guess what? If everything works out today, I’ve got a job!”

 

Juha knew he couldn’t talk too long since he was on his way to his next job. But he needed to talk to Mikko. “That’s great! I wish you the best of luck!”

 

“It’s at the Dog’s Home. Antti says the pub’s okay and the owner seems like a nice guy!” Mikko sat down on the bed and smiled. “And how are things with you and Chris?”

 

“We’re fine…” A dreamy expression appeared on Juha’s face as he remembered making love to the dark-haired man. “But that’s not why I’m calling. We got a gig offer here in Tampere. But it’s tomorrow evening. I already checked with the rest and they’re fine with it, but… Do you think your boss will give you the night off?”

 

Mikko cringed. “That might be a bad start...asking him for time off already.”

 

“Can’t you try? I didn’t confirm the gig yet, but…”

 

“I’ll ask Jussi and call you back. Where’s the gig at?”

 

“Amarillo. There’s some sort of festival going on and one band had to cancel. So we got asked instead.” It would be nice to be on stage again. “Well, see what you can do and give me a call when you get home?”

 

“I will!” Mikko terminated the call and sighed. He wasn’t sure he could ask Jussi for time off already.

 

“What’s wrong? You look worried.” Antti stood in the doorway, but didn’t enter the room. After jerking off, he felt more relaxed. Mikko told him about Juha’s call and Antti considered everything. “Jussi had a band once himself. He’ll understand. Want me to ask him?”

 

Mikko nodded. “That might be best. Are you coming along then?”

 

“Negative has practice at five, so I’ll show up at the Dog’s Home at seven. Is that okay?”

 

“Fine with me.” Mikko got to his feet and walked over to Antti. “Thanks for everything.”

 

That strange nervousness crept up on Antti again and he swallowed convulsively once Mikko was close. Oh, he really had it bad where the other bass player was concerned. “Don’t mention it.”

 

Mikko shook his head though. “It really means a lot to me.” He cupped Antti’s cheek in the palm of his hand and stroked it. “I’ll keep an eye out for you tonight.”

 

Lost for words, Antti merely nodded. It was pathetic, but all Mikko had to do to render him speechless was smile at him a certain way! Antti had the feeling this was only the beginning and things might get worse once he fell deeper in love with the redhead.

 

~~~

 

Tommi climbed the stairs to Matthau’s apartment and then banged on the door. “Open up and let me in!” His worst fear was that Matthau hadn’t managed to resist and had started emptying that first bottle. “Come on, I know you’re in there!”

 

A minute later the lock was turned and the door opened. Matthau stood there looking like hell. His hair was a mess, he looked pale, and his hands shook like mad. He had considered ignoring Tommi and drinking the whiskey anyway, but when Tommi had banged on his door, he had changed his mind.

 

“Where’s the whiskey?” Tommi placed his hands on Matthau’s shoulders and shook him. “Did you drink any?”

 

Matthau raised his head and looked at Tommi. He had expected the older man to be concerned, but not panicking like that. It finally registered with him that Tommi *really* cared. When they had chatted, Matthau had never been sure if the other person was for real, but now that Tommi stood there shaking and yelling at him, he realized he had a friend. He shook his head. “I didn’t. It’s in the kitchen.”

 

Tommi took Matthau’s hand in his and pulled him along. Then he realized he had no idea where he was going and turned around. “Where’s the kitchen?”

 

Matthau took the lead and guided Tommi into the kitchen. He pointed at the bottles standing on the kitchen table. “I don’t trust myself.”

 

Tommi nodded. “You stay here.” He released Matthau’s hand and walked over to the table to grab the bottles. He carried them over to the sink, uncapped them, and started to pour the alcohol down the drain. Behind him, he heard Matthau’s startled gasp. “Stay there!” he ordered and looked at Matthau from over his shoulder. “I want this gone and you’re not coming any closer until that second bottle is gone too!”

 

Matthau stared at Tommi in shock. He couldn’t believe the older man was really pouring his whiskey down the drain. “But you can’t do that!”

 

“Of course I can! I’d rather pour it down the drain than see you drink it! Matti, you’ve been sober for three months now! You’re not going to throw that away!” Tommi had emptied the second bottle as well down the drain until the last whiskey was gone. “It smells…” The whiskey fragrance drifted through the kitchen and Tommi opened a window. That was when he noticed how much stuff there was on the windowsill, the kitchen table, the floor, and… “When did you clean the place last?”

 

Matthau shrugged. “I don’t remember. I don’t mind living like this.” He didn’t notice the mess any longer.

 

Tommi did however and was appalled that anyone could live like that. There were dirty dishes everywhere, food leftovers, dirty laundry, stacks of unopened mail, and, as he ventured into the hallway and living room, he found the same chaos there. “Matti, you can’t…” He swallowed hard. The whole apartment was a mess! He didn’t want to know what the bathroom and bedroom looked like.

 

Matthau shrugged again and made his way over to his laptop, which stood amidst dirty dishes and mugs on the coffee table. “It doesn’t bother me!” He had stopped noticing the mess around him.

 

Tommi shook his head. “You can’t tell me you’re comfortable like this!”

 

Matthau didn’t react and simply stared at the wall. In the end, he said, “It doesn’t matter, does it?”

 

“Of course it does!” Tommi made some decisions at that moment. “I’ll be right back. I just need to make some calls.” Tommi left the living room, uncovered his mobile phone, and called his assistant. It took him ten minutes, but after that, he had the day off as well as the next day. That should be enough time to tidy Matthau’s apartment a bit. He just wasn’t sure he could manage to do so alone. He might need help, but he didn’t want to call Christus yet. First he wanted to talk some more to Matthau.

 

“Hey, you’re still here?” Matthau frowned. He hadn’t been paying attention earlier and had assumed Tommi had left.

 

“Yes, and we’re going to get busy.” Tommi marched into the kitchen and took in the situation. “Here,” he stated when Matthau finally appeared beside him. “Throw everything that looks dirty in the trash.” He handed Matthau the trash bags which he had found. “Start with the pizza leftovers.”

 

Matthau’s eyes widened. “You can’t be serious!”

 

Tommi nodded firmly. “I’m deadly serious. Start cleaning! I’ll tackle the living room!” He wasn’t leaving this place until it was halfway decent again!

 

~~~

 

Two hours later, Matthau felt totally exhausted and collapsed onto the couch. He hadn’t known Tommi would make him work so hard, but their efforts had paid off. The worst trash was gone, the dish washer was running the first load of dirty dishes, and they had put clean linen onto his bed. They still had to tackle the worst though: the bathroom. Tommi sat down next to him and offered him a cup of tea. He really hated the stuff, but hadn’t had much left in his cupboards. “Must I?”

 

“It’ll do you good,” Tommi replied and blew onto the surface of his tea to cool it. “And you need to get some groceries. You really have nothing left to eat!”

 

“I’m not hungry so why buy food?” Matthau reluctantly sipped and then made a face. “It’s horrible.”

 

“It’s healthy!” Tommi watched Matthau encouragingly. He could tell that this was hard on the younger man, but Tommi really saw no other solution. Someone had to take the lead since Matthau seemed incapable of taking control of his life.

 

Matthau’s eyes narrowed. “Shouldn’t you be at work instead?”

 

“I took the day off. Tomorrow too.” Tommi drank his tea and looked at Matthau. “Is there no one you can stay with? Or who can temporarily move in with you? Being alone isn’t the right thing for you at the moment.” Matthau’s face made him cringe. His eyes looked dead and the spark in them was gone.

 

“I’m fine on my own.” Matthau placed the still half-full cup onto the coffee table. “I can manage.”

 

Tommi begged to differ. “Matti, you were about to empty two bottles of whiskey. That doesn’t sound like you’re fine.”

 

Matthau stared at the wall blankly. “Tommi, for me it’s okay to live this way, but I don’t want anyone else to have to live like that.”

 

Tommi searched Matthau’s face and flinched at the lost look there. Instinctively, he wrapped his fingers around Matthau’s and squeezed. “I’ll keep an eye on you, but now we’re tackling the rest. “You clean up the bedroom and I’ll sort things out in the bathroom.”

 

Matthau flinched. “You don’t have to do that. I made that mess… I should be the one cleaning it up!”

 

But Tommi didn’t think Matthau would be physically up to it. Just cleaning away the dishes, mugs, and food leftovers seemed to have drained the younger man. “Come on...put everything in the laundry basket.” Tommi got to his feet and pulled Matthau’s to his as well. “And later, we’ll go to the supermarket, buy some food, and, if you’re lucky, I might even cook.” He winked at Matthau in an attempt to cheer him up. Seeing the younger man so defeated made him sad. “You can do this!”

 

Matthau wasn’t convinced at all, but realized he wouldn’t get out of it. Tommi was determined to straighten out the apartment and he had to help since he had created the mess. With his head bowed and his feet dragging, Matthau went into the bedroom.

 

~~~

 

Around seven Antti entered the Dog’s Home as promised and immediately searched the pub for Mikko. He found the other redhead at the back of the pub helping getting everything ready for that evening’s gig. A local band was going to perform that Antti had never heard of before. He didn’t walk over to Mikko yet for he could make out Jussi’s form behind the counter. Jussi looked up, saw him, and winked. Antti leaned against the counter and ordered beer. “So how’s he doing?”

 

“He’s a real asset. I’m glad you brought him along.”

 

“So he has the job?” Jussi nodded and Antti grinned. “Kiitos!”

 

Jussi shrugged. “He would have gotten the job even if you hadn’t introduced him to me. He knows his way around the equipment and I need people like that. What brings you here, Antti? Checking on Mikko?”

 

“Partly. I also have a favor to ask. Well, actually Mikko has a favor to ask, but he’s afraid you might not like it and that you’ll fire him before he really started the job.” Jussi arched an eyebrow and Mikko continued. “He’s a musician. You might know the band he’s in. Reflexion. They come from Oulu.”

 

Jussi whistled appreciatively. “Actually I do. I like ‘Out of the Dark’. I hadn’t realized though that he’s the band’s bass player. So what’s the favor?”

 

“They got a gig tomorrow evening at Amarillo, but Mikko’s hesitant to ask the night off.”

 

Jussi shrugged. “He can have tomorrow evening off if he works next Saturday.”

 

“I’m sure he has no problems with that. Kiitos!” Antti picked up his beer and walked over to Mikko. “Hei!” Mikko looked up and though the redhead was hard at work, he also seemed to be enjoying myself. “Jussi said you got the job and you have tomorrow evening off if you’re willing to work next Saturday.”

 

“That’s fine with me.” Mikko was relieved Jussi was so easy going. “I need to call Juha though.” He wasn’t sure when his break would start though. “Do you think Jussi would mind if I made a quick call?”

 

“Jussi is very easy-going, so go ahead and call Juha!” Antti drank his beer and watched Mikko make his call. Once Mikko was done, Antti asked, “What did he say?”

 

“That we got the gig. We play at eight.” Mikko smiled. “Will you come watch?”

 

“Of course.” Antti frowned suddenly. “How about your bass? Did you check it? Can you play it tomorrow or did the cold moisture affect it?”

 

Mikko sighed. “I didn’t have a chance yet to check on it, but Juha’s got my spare one. So even if this bass is history, I can use my old one.”

 

“Hey, if I can help… I’ve got a nice collection of bass guitars.”

 

Mikko smiled. “That’s very nice of you, Antti. Kiitos.”

 

And there was *that* smile again that made Antti go weak in the knees. He quickly averted his gaze otherwise he might have ended up drooling. “You’re welcome. I’m going to talk to Jussi for a moment...I’ll be right back.”

 

“Take your time. I’m not yet done here anyways.” Mikko had noticed Antti’s sudden shyness and smiled. He hadn’t thought he would affect the other redhead in such a way.

 

~~~

 

Tommi had just finished cleaning the shower cabin when his phone rang. He reached for it and hoped it wasn’t work. Looking at the display, he found it was Jonne and he answered the call. “Hei, Jonne!”

 

“Japa and I were wondering if you would like to have dinner with us tonight. Or we can eat out, if you like that better!”

 

Tommi sighed. “Jonne, I can’t… Not tonight. There’s something I need to do.”

 

Jonne sounded disappointed. “And what about tomorrow evening?”

 

“I’m looking after a friend who needs some support, Jonne, and I can’t take off like that. Thanks for thinking of me though! I’ll give you a call once everything has settled down here, okay?” He hated disappointing Jonne, but Matthau had to come first at the moment.

 

Jonne nibbled on his bottom lip. He had really expected Tommi to jump at his invitation and to be rejected like this was unexpected. “Sure, it’s no problem. Give me a call then!” He ended the conversation and flung the mobile phone onto the couch.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jack stroked the blond hair and then raised Jonne’s head a little so they could make eye contact.

 

“He’s busy!” Jonne pouted.

 

Jack grinned. “That’s good, isn’t it?”

 

Jonne looked at Jack in puzzlement. “And why’s that good?”

 

“Because it means he isn’t as lonely as you had feared he was.” Jack caressed Jonne’s face. “Does that mean it’s just the two of us for dinner?”

 

Jonne nodded. “And I bought extra food since I had been counting on Tommi joining us!”

 

“I can eat for two, if that helps!”

 

Jonne turned around and snuggled up to Jack. He rested his upper body onto Jack’s and his head against his lover’s shoulder. He couldn’t resist and patted Jack’s tummy. “I’ve been feeding you well.”

 

Jack coughed. “Hey, a tummy like that is sexy!”

 

“And it makes for an excellent pillow.” Jonne moved until his head rested on Jack’s tummy. “You’re soft…” He rubbed his cheek against Jack’s abdomen and sighed contentedly. Maybe Tommi not joining them for dinner wasn’t that bad after all. It meant they could snuggle the rest of the evening!

 

~~~

 

Matthau was absolutely exhausted when they finally returned from the supermarket. They’d only been gone for thirty minutes, but he still felt like he had been up and about for three days. Well, to be honest, he hadn’t slept much during the last week. “I’m beat,” he admitted and gazed pleadingly at Tommi.

 

“Then go nap on the couch. I’ll put everything away and then make dinner.” Tommi was relieved that Matthau was cooperating. It had taken him some effort to convince Matthau to go along to the supermarket, but once they had been there, the younger man had followed his instructions, putting certain foods into their shopping cart. “Go on then,” he said and shooed Matthau out of the kitchen.

 

Matthau went straight for the couch and collapsed onto it. This time, he didn’t have to move any trash about and could sit down right away. Looking about, he noticed the difference. That morning his apartment had been an utter mess and now it smelled fresh, had been straightened out, and he even felt comfortable again. He would never have managed to sort everything out on his own. He would still be stuck in his mess if it hadn’t been for Tommi.

 

Lying down, he curled up on his side and stared blankly ahead. He was afraid to close his eyes, uncertain of what kind of dreams would await him. But he also knew he had to sleep eventually. The sleep deprivation would get him in the end.

 

Tommi busied himself in the kitchen for a few more minutes and put everything away. Once he had decided on a light dish for the evening in the form of tomato soup and sandwiches, he walked into the living room. He would start making dinner in a bit. First, he wanted to check on Matthau and, if necessary, talk to him. He found the younger man curled up on the couch, shivering and staring at the wall. “Are you cold?” he asked while bending down.

 

Matthau nodded since he didn’t trust his voice. He watched Tommi turn up the heat before collecting his comforter from the bedroom. Tommi tucked it around him and Matthau lost the fight to keep his eyes open. A moment later, he sensed Tommi sitting down on the couch next to him. “Why are you still here?” He had to know!

 

“Because I want to help and you shouldn’t be alone.” Tommi brushed some dark strands away from Matthau’s face. “I don’t want you to run to the liquor store and buy more whiskey just because you’re alone.”

 

Matthau pressed deeper into the couch. Fatigue was creeping up on him and he realized that he wouldn’t be able to stay awake much longer. “Yes, but why? I’m not family and we’re not even friends.” Tommi took to stroking his hair and Matthau relaxed under the touch. It felt good to have someone close who cared, although he still didn’t understand why Tommi cared in the first place.

 

“I feel like I’ve gotten to know you during our talks on the internet.” Tommi kept on stroking Matthau’s hair since it seemed to be helping the younger man relax. “And I do care, even though that might be hard for you to believe.”

 

Matthau opened his eyes sleepily and tried to focus on Tommi. Speaking his thoughts was hard on him, but he had to do this. “I don’t know *why* you’re doing this...not really, but...thanks for everything. I...I would have been totally drunk by now...and these last three months would have been in vain.”

 

Tommi’s other hand moved to clasp Matthau’s. “It’s okay. Just try to get some sleep. I’ll wake you when dinner’s ready.” Matthau’s eyes closed, but Tommi continued to stroke the younger man’s hair. He rubbed Matthau’s fingers for another minute and, once he was certain Matthau was comfortably asleep, he rose from the couch and went into the kitchen to fix dinner.

 

TBC

 

Part 3

Me and myself

 

Mikko grinned privately as he unlocked the door to Antti’s apartment. Antti had given him his very own key and had declared that the apartment was his home now too, which Mikko had gratefully accepted. “I’m back,” he called out, stopping himself just in time from saying, “I’m home.” That would have implied too much at the moment.

 

“I’m in the living room.” Antti was snuggled up on the couch and had opened another bag of potato chips while enjoying a beer. “I got everything ready here!” He had put some beer onto the coffee table for Mikko too and hoped the other redhead would want to snuggle again.

 

Mikko removed his shoes and coat and stepped into the living room. The light was dimmed and some candles had been lit to add a romantic atmosphere. He knew better than to think that Antti was trying to seduce him though. The other man was only trying to create a comfortable atmosphere. “Thanks for getting me that job. I already like it there.”

 

“That’s great!” Antti raised the blanket which he had tucked around his form. “Do you still want to watch ‘The Mummy’?”

 

Mikko nodded and sat down on the couch next to Antti. “Part one or two?”

 

“I thought we’d best start out with part one.” Antti handed Mikko his beer and pointed at the plate on the coffee table. “I made sandwiches in case you’re hungry.”

 

Mikko greedily grabbed one and started eating. “Start the movie then!”

 

Antti hit play and kept glancing at Mikko throughout the first few minutes of the movie.

 

“Do you mind me making myself comfortable?” Mikko asked while lifting the blanket.

 

Antti quickly shook his head. No, he didn’t mind, but what did Mikko mean by ‘making himself comfortable’? He found out a minute later when Mikko laid down on his side and rested his head in Antti’s lap. Antti sucked in his breath. Why was Mikko doing this? Didn’t the other man realize that this situation presented him with problems? What was he supposed to do with his hands? And what if – horror of horrors – he’d grow aroused? Mikko’s head was in his lap for crying out loud!

 

Mikko sensed Antti tense up and took control of the situation. He covered them loosely with the blanket and then guided Antti’s hand into his hair.

 

Antti forgot to breathe and his heart definitely missed a beat as Mikko moved his hand into the strands. Swallowing nervously, he took to stroking the other man’s hair and, to his shock, Mikko purred!

 

“That feels great.” Mikko rubbed his cheek against Antti’s thigh and closed his eyes. He had seen the movie countless times already and focused instead on feeling Antti close. It took a few minutes for Antti to relax, but then the caresses intensified and when Antti massaged the nape of his neck, Mikko purred again.

 

Antti smiled, liking the sound. Like Mikko, he had lost interest in the movie and focused on the other redhead instead. His fingers twitched while touching the soft, sensitive skin and he wished it were his lips instead caressing that skin. But he didn’t want to pressure Mikko in any way. As far as Antti was concerned, it was Mikko who set the pace.

 

Mikko turned onto his back and sought out Antti’s gaze. He rested his hand at the nape of Antti’s neck and pulled the other man’s face closer to his. He kissed Antti slowly, tenderly, and passionately. Bringing up his other hand, he locked his fingers at the back of Antti’s head and made sure the other man couldn’t break off the kiss or move away.

 

Antti moaned into the kiss and caressed Mikko’s face, enjoying the intimacy. Mikko didn’t let him pull away and when the other redhead did let go of him, they were both panting softly. Antti gazed longingly at Mikko and fought his emotions. “Mikko, we need to talk.” Mikko nodded and the back of his head rubbed against Antti’s groin as he did, making Antti groan. Was Mikko doing that on purpose?

 

“You’re right. We do.” Since he was comfortable, Mikko remained the way he was and looked Antti in the eye. He sought out Antti’s and twined their fingers. “I like you a lot,” he admitted, starting the conversation.

 

Antti swallowed hard and then nodded. “I feel the same way about you.”

 

Mikko rubbed Antti’s fingers with his fingertips. “I’d like to get to know you better and, although I need to go slow, I can assure you that I really want this.”

 

Antti’s mouth went dry. “Don’t you think you should wait a little longer? What happened with Leena is still very recent.”

 

Mikko cringed when Antti brought up Leena, but he quickly composed himself. “I *am* taking this slow and I *am* taking my time. If I weren’t, we would be having sex right now.” Antti’s eyes widened, making Mikko grin. “For some reason, this feels right. This feels comfortable.” Mikko tried to find the right words. “I can’t take credit for writing the lyrics, but… Juha said it perfectly so… Maybe it hurts me, maybe it kills me, maybe it drowns me, but I just want to try…” He was being very serious. “Regardless of any heartache that might follow, I want to try.”

 

Antti stroked Mikko’s brow tenderly. “But we’ll go slowly.”

 

Mikko nodded. “I’m fine with that…as long as you kiss me again.” Antti’s lips descended onto his once more and ended their conversation for now.

 

~~~

 

“Matti? Wake up for me, will you?” Tommi sat down on the edge of the couch and shook Matthau slightly. He had let the younger man sleep for two hours, but wanted him to eat something. Matthau’s eyes opened and focused on him. “Soup’s ready,” he whispered and brushed Matthau’s hair away from his face. “And I want you to eat some.”

 

Matthau sighed and nodded. “You won’t take no for an answer, will you?”

 

“Exactly.” Tommi took Matthau’s hands in his and pulled him to his feet. “I got everything ready in the kitchen.” He took the blanket he had covered Matthau in with him. “Sit down.” Matthau sat down on a kitchen chair and Tommi wrapped the material loosely around the younger man’s shoulders. “You feel cold. Eating something hot will help you warm up from the inside.” Tommi filled two bowls with tomato soup and placed them on the kitchen table. He added a plate with toast to it. Dipping the toast into the soup, he started eating and didn’t notice the curious look Matthau gave him at first. Frowning, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

 

Matthau shook his head slightly. “It’s nothing. I just never saw someone eat their soup like that before.”

 

“Try it. It tastes good!” Tommi took another slice of toast and dipped it into his soup again.

 

Matthau wasn’t so sure though and ate his soup the ‘normal’ way. “So, what are your plans? I’m curious. I didn’t expect you to stick around so long.” It was nice to have company, but at the same time, Matthau feared being alone again because then his thoughts would start racing again and drive him insane.

 

Tommi shrugged. “I don’t have a plan,” he explained. “I’ll stick around and we’ll see what things are like tomorrow.”

 

Matthau’s eyes narrowed in thought. “Does that mean you’re staying the night?” He blushed as he recognized how Tommi could interpret the question and quickly clarified, “I mean...you can have the couch. It’s very comfortable!”

 

Tommi chuckled. “It’s okay. I didn’t think you’d want me in your bed to begin with!”

 

Something about the way Tommi had phrased that made Matthau frown and wonder. “What does that mean?”

 

Tommi blushed. “Just forget I said that. Wrong choice of words! I’m tired and not paying attention to what I’m saying.” Tommi busied himself with eating his soup and hoped Matthau wouldn’t address the matter again.

 

Matthau however wasn’t going to let it go. He was having a lucid moment for a change. “Why wouldn’t I want you in my bed?”

 

Tommi couldn’t believe Matthau had asked him that. “Just let it go.”

 

Matthau shook his head. “I want to know why you said that!”

 

“Matthau, I phrased that wrong.”

 

“Then phrase it better.” Matthau studied Tommi closely. He knew Jonne liked guys and had heard rumors that Ville had moved in with Lauri. Somehow it would be a surprise if Tommi liked women instead. “Are you gay too?”

 

Tommi almost choked on his soup and stared at Matthau in shock. “What?”

 

“You heard me! Do you like guys too? Like Ville and Jonne?”

 

“And if I did, what’s that to you?” Judging it best to stop eating, Tommi put the bowl down onto the kitchen table.

 

“It wouldn’t make much of a difference to me. I was just wondering why you think I wouldn’t want you in my bed.”

 

Judging it best to go on the offensive, Tommi asked, “Do you like men, Matti?”

 

Matthau had expected a question like that. Tommi would have surprised him if he hadn’t asked him that. “I like men too.”

 

Tommi didn’t quite know how to react to Matthau’s admission. “Well, considering Chris likes guys too…”

 

“Ah, that reminds me. Is it true he has a boyfriend?” Matthau *was* curious about that.

 

Tommi nodded. “His name’s Juha. He’s the singer of Reflexion. You might know the band.”

 

Matthau whistled. “The redhead?” Tommi nodded and Matthau whistled again. “Didn’t know my brother’s taste in men had changed so drastically!” The remark made him remember what had started their conversation in the first place. “So why do you think I wouldn’t want you in my bed?”

 

Growing exasperated, Tommi got to his feet and said, “I need to make a few calls. I’ll be back in a bit.”

 

Matthau however wasn’t going to have that. “Stay and answer the question.” He clasped his fingers around Tommi’s wrist and stopped the older man from leaving the kitchen. “If you feel uncomfortable telling me in person, we can go back to chatting, but I want to know.”

 

Tommi sighed deeply. How had he gotten himself into this mess? “Matti, can’t we forget I ever said that?”

 

Matthau shook his head. “It can’t be *that* bad. Come on, tell me!”

 

Tommi resigned himself to the situation and shrugged. “It’s rather obvious, isn’t it? I don’t have Ville’s youth or Jonne’s handsome looks. I’m the old geezer – the boring manager. No one ever thinks of me that way.” Once he had started talking, Tommi found it was getting easier to share his thoughts just like he had done on the net when they had been chatting. “Neither Jonne nor Ville ever considered the possibility of me being gay. Jonne actually offered to set me up with some girls.” He shook his head. “I like girls, but only as friends.”

 

Matthau considered everything. “I can’t remember ever having seen you with a boyfriend…or girlfriend…hell, even on a date and you know rumors travel fast in Tampere!”

 

Tommi shrugged again. “Time is sparse,” he replied. “Most of the day, I’m busy with work. When I get home, I crash in front of the TV, watch sports, and eat pizza. I’ve gotten used to that.”

 

Matthau nodded. “I know about your habits. You told me online.” It was different though hearing them in person. They were colored with sadness and loneliness. He had never expected Tommi to suffer from solitude. Wanting to cheer the older man up, he said, “Hey, just so you know, I *would* like having you in my bed.” He winked at Tommi. Tommi’s stare could only be described as complete shock and Matthau chuckled. “You might not have Jonne’s looks, but you have your own charm.”

 

Tommi sighed and shook his head, dismissing Matthau’s remark. “Whatever.”

 

Matthau pulled Tommi onto his chair. He didn’t let go of Tommi’s wrist though and rubbed it. “I’m sure you’ll find someone to be with eventually.”

 

Tommi shrugged once more. “I’m old enough to know that miracles don’t happen, Matti. I might not like it, but I accept my fate. I’ll just be on my own for the rest of my life.”

 

Matthau cringed at the sorrow in Tommi’s voice. It sounded wrong – so very, very wrong.

 

~~~

 

Lauri had a hard time not lighting a cigarette, but smoking was forbidden in this area and for Ville’s sake, he stuck to that. Counting the minutes, he hoped Ville would return shortly, really needing a smoke.

 

“I did it!”

 

Suddenly Lauri had an armful of Ville, who was hugging him tightly. “So you’re in?” He hugged him back and smiled at his boyfriend.

 

“Yes! My first course starts in two weeks! Officially, I’m a student!” Ville was happy and relieved that he had finally enrolled in university. He had wanted to do it for weeks now, but it had taken Lauri dragging him to the university to actually make the decision final.

 

Lauri stroked Ville’s hair and said, “We should celebrate that.”

 

“How?” Ville suddenly grew apprehensive. “You know, we can’t…” They couldn’t celebrate this with alcohol.

 

Lauri leaned in closer and whispered into Ville’s ear, “I was thinking about celebrating this in bed. I’m really, really hungry and want to eat you.”

 

Ville blushed. “Lauri, we’re not at home!” Quickly he glanced about to see if someone had overheard them, but no one seemed to have noticed. Calming down again, he added, “I’d like that though.”

 

“Thought so.” Taking Ville’s hand in his, Lauri guided them back to the car.

 

~~~

 

Chris hoped Juha liked his surprise. He had really worked hard alongside Nakki and Jay to get the guestroom ready. He didn’t want Juha to have to spend his spare time working in there. He wanted to present his lover with a finished guestroom instead. “You guys are going to stay until he gets here, aren’t you?”

 

Nakki and Jay shook their heads and Nakki answered for both of them. “Chris, I think it would be best if you showed Juha the room. I’m sure he’ll want to thank you and then we would be in the way.” He grinned.

 

“But…” Chris tried, but to no avail. Nakki and Jay said their goodbyes and left.

 

~~~

 

Juha rubbed his brow and massaged his temples. Everything that could go wrong at work had gone wrong and he had even had to work overtime. He had been so busy that he hadn’t even had the time to notify Chris. Someone knocked on his window and he jerked his head up.

 

“Are you planning on spending the night in your car?” Worried, Chris looked at his lover and opened the car door. “What took you so long? It’s ten already!” Normally Juha got home around six, maybe seven in the evening.

 

“Problems at work… Lots of stress. I love my job, but sometimes…” He groaned and looked at his lover tiredly. “I just want to go to bed, okay?”

 

Chris didn’t know his lover like this and sat on his heels in front of Juha. “Is everything all right?”

 

“I’ve a headache… Nothing to worry about. A good night’s sleep will cure that.” Juha placed his hand in Chris’ when the dark-haired man rose and offered to pull him to his feet too. Juha locked the door and leaned against his lover, who wrapped an arm around him. “I’ll finish the guestroom this weekend, but not now. I’m too tired.” He yawned and glanced apologetically at Chris.

 

Chris nibbled on his bottom lip and considered his next move. Juha wanted to head for their bedroom, but… “I want to show you something. It’ll only take a minute.”

 

Juha briefly considered objecting, but then saw the pleading in Chris’ eyes. “All right then.” He allowed Chris to guide him away from the bedroom and wondered where they were heading. Argh, not the guestroom! “Chris, I don’t have the…”

 

“Hush now,” Chris said and placed a finger across Juha’s lips. “You don’t have to do a thing, trust me.” He opened the door and switched on the light. Nervously, he waited for Juha’s reaction.

 

Juha’s eyes widened in surprise. “But…” Lost for words, he looked about. Someone had finished painting the walls, had put in the floor boards, and even the furniture had been put into place. Big-eyed, he stared at Chris. “I don’t understand.”

 

“Nakki and Jay helped.” Chris pressed a kiss onto Juha’s lips. “Do you like it?”

 

Juha sighed blissfully. “It’s perfect!” The last room had been finished! They were done redoing their home. “This is very sweet of you.” He returned the kiss and then leaned heavily against Chris. “I’ll thank you properly tomorrow…” Now, he really wanted to lie down and close his eyes. Some aspirin might help too.

 

“It’s okay. I understand.” Chris switched off the lights, closed the door, and led Juha into their bedroom. “Sit down…” Juha sat down on the bed and gazed at him sleepily. “Let me,” he said when Juha tried to remove his clothes. Juha’s hands went into his lap and he managed a weak smile while Chris undressed him.

 

“You’re sweet,” Juha repeated.

 

Chris smiled. “Lie down and close your eyes. I’ll get you some aspirin.” He pressed another kiss onto Juha’s brow and then covered his lover with a blanket. “I’ll be right back. Try not to feel asleep yet.” Juha nodded, but his eyes were closing, so Chris hurried into the bathroom where – thankfully – Juha had stocked up on things like aspirin, cough syrup, and bandages. He collected some bottled water from the kitchen and returned to Juha, who had curled up on his side and was only a second away from falling asleep. “Hey, drink this and then you can sleep.” He helped Juha sit up and after the redhead had swallowed the aspirin and some water, he eased him down again. This wasn’t the way he had hoped their evening would end, but…

 

He decided to make the best of it though, so he took off his clothes and slipped between the covers. Pulling Juha into his arms, he gently rubbed his lover’s skin. “Better?”

 

Juha was already half asleep, but he still managed a whispered, “Yes, always when you’re with me…” Then he lost the fight to stay awake and dozed off.

 

Chris was wide awake however. He didn’t mind being confined to bed though, knowing his soothing presence helped Juha. When they had first gotten together, Chris had never thought their roles would change. Maybe that had been foolish to think that way, but these days he realized things had changed between them. In the last few months, he had been able to be there for Juha, where at the beginning Juha had been his support – his life line. Smiling happily, Chris pressed a kiss onto the red hair and then closed his eyes, savoring holding Juha in his arms.

 

~~~

 

Chris had eventually fallen asleep sometime during the night, but when Juha started to move about in his arms, he woke immediately. Juha’s eyes were big and he was covering his mouth with his hand. It only took Chris a second to understand what was happening: Juha was about to be sick.

 

“I’ll help you.” He wrapped his arms around the redhead and helped him into the bathroom. They got there just in time because Juha started to throw up. Kneeling on the bathroom floor next to Juha, Chris kept one arm folded around the redhead’s waist and kept the long, red strands away from Juha’s face with the other.

 

The retching eventually stopped, but Chris felt sorry for his lover, who was still suffering from dry heaves. Looking at Juha, he found his lover’s eyes hooded, his brow covered in cold sweat, and his hands trembled when he wiped at his lips. “Hey, what’s going on?”

 

“Migraine,” Juha managed and then rested his upper body against Chris’ shoulder. “Hurts…”

 

Chris helped Juha back to his feet, filled a glass with water, and made the redhead rinse his mouth. Supporting his lover, he helped Juha back to the bed and eased him down. “Is there anything I can do?”

 

“More aspirin…” Juha closed his eyes, curled up in a fetal position, and trembled fiercely, even after Chris had covered him with the comforter.

 

“I’ll be right back.” Chris practically ran into the bathroom to collect the aspirin and then returned to Juha’s side. “Can you sit up for me?”

 

Juha managed to sit up, but only with Chris’ help. Slowly, he drank the water, which Chris had dissolved the aspirin. That had been good thinking because Juha knew he would have trouble swallowing the tablet. Once he had emptied it, he rested his head against Chris’ shoulder. “I’m sorry. It’s been a while since I last suffered from migraine. I had hoped…they had stopped.”

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You can’t help being ill.” Chris put the empty glass onto the nightstand and then eased Juha into his arms again. “Close your eyes and try to sleep some more.”

 

“What’s the time?” Juha sighed. The mere notion of having to go back to work shortly drained him even more.

 

“Almost six in the morning.” Chris tugged the comforter around their forms. “Are you comfortable?”

 

Juha sighed. “Wake me in an hour? I don’t want to be late for work…” He closed his eyes again and tried to suppress the tremors that shook his body.

 

“You can’t go to work like this!” Chris shook his head.

 

“I have to. I took too much time off lately.” This time the aspirin worked and Juha started to relax. “You’ll see… I’ll be fine…” Dozing off, he clung to Chris, soaking up the other man’s body heat.

 

~~~

 

Chris snuck into bed again. He had called Juha’s supervisor and the man had been very considerate. At first, Juha’s boss had seemed displeased, but once Chris had mentioned the migraine, the man had become more understanding and had agreed to give Juha the day off. Chris felt proud of himself. He hadn’t been sure how Juha’s supervisor would react when Juha’s boyfriend called in to tell him the redhead was ill, but the other man hadn’t sounded surprised in the least and had known who he was. Juha must have told his boss about him then, which pleased Chris for it meant Juha truly had no intention of hiding their relationship.

 

Pressing deeper into the mattress, Chris closed his eyes and pulled Juha close once more. The redhead was fast asleep and didn’t appear to be waking any time soon. Good...that enabled Chris to hold him longer.

 

~~~

 

The first thing Juha noticed when he woke again was the horrible taste in his mouth. He really needed to either drink something or brush his teeth. Moving slightly made him realize that the second thing wasn’t an option yet. His head still hurt whenever he moved, so he remained as motionless as possible.

 

“Are you feeling any better?” Chris whispered, uncertain on how much noise Juha could deal with. His lover still trembled, although the intensity of it had gone down. Juha had turned in his sleep so they now lay facing each other, enabling him to search the redhead’s face. “Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?”

 

Feeling embarrassed, Juha realized that he had been drooling in his sleep and quickly wiped at his mouth. “Anteeksi,” he mumbled.

 

“Don’t worry about that.” Chris gently massaged Juha’s neck, hoping the touch would alleviate the discomfort his lover was in. Juha released a sigh, showing that the little massage was more than welcome. “Does that feel good?”

 

“Yes...” Juha drew in a series of deep breaths and managed to relax further. “Your fingers are magic…” The massage really helped ease the tension that had started in his neck and then spread through his head. “Don’t stop…”

 

Chris had no intention of stopping. “Do you want more aspirin?”

 

Juha sighed. “Maybe in a bit… For now, I’m enjoying this massage.” After another few minutes he felt confident enough to open his eyes and the first thing he saw was the alarm clock. His eyes widened in shock and immediately a stinging pain went through his temples. “Damn!” It was nine already! He should be at work!

 

“Relax,” Chris said when he realized what had happened. “I called your boss and he gave you the day off. You’re in no condition to go to work. The look Juha gave him could have been called comical if it hadn’t been for the shock in it. “I told him you were suffering from a migraine. He was very understanding.”

 

“You called my boss?”

 

“Yes, around seven.” Chris’ hand traveled from Juha’s neck to his lower back, where he resumed stroking the skin. “You wouldn’t have been able to make it to the car on your own much less drive in the state you’re in.”

 

Chris was right of course, but still, Juha hated having to call in sick. It was too late though since Chris had already made the call.

 

“It’s for the best,” Chris added soothingly. “You can’t work like that.”

 

Juha sighed. “You’re right…but…”

 

“No objections. You’re going to rest some more and, once you feel better, I’ll make us something to eat.” Chris rubbed Juha’s lower back soothingly. “Sleep some more, will you?” He was about to tell Juha again to rest when he noticed that he didn’t have to. The redhead had dozed off again and that showed that he had made the right decision in calling in sick for his lover.

 

~~~

 

The corners of Juha’s mouth twisted and his nostrils flared. His sense of smell was always surprisingly keen after suffering from a migraine and he could smell the coffee and fresh bread rising from the kitchen up to the bedroom. His eyelids fluttered before he carefully opened his eyes. Good, the fact that there was no throbbing was encouraging and he slowly sat up in bed. Still no crippling pain...even better. Carefully he glanced at the alarm clock and cringed. It was noon already. No wonder Chris had gotten up to fix something to eat.

 

Slowly he placed his feet on the floor and rose from the bed. Although he still felt wobbly on his feet and a bit light-headed, he was able to make his way over to the doorway unaided. He swayed though and had to support himself against the doorway. Suddenly an arm enfolded him and he raised his gaze.

 

“What are you doing out of bed?” Chris watched his lover in concern. “I told you to rest.”

 

“The smell of coffee woke me,” Juha explained.

 

Chris was skeptical though. “I don’t think coffee will do you any good at this point.”

 

“You’re right… Do we have some juice instead?” His mouth felt dry and his throat ached from throwing up the night before. He shivered as he recalled that they had a gig that evening. Would he be fit enough to perform? He would hate to cancel the gig, especially after Mikko had gone through such trouble to get time off from work. Chris then raised his head with a finger under his chin. Seeing the puzzlement in those green eyes, Juha explained, “The gig tonight… What if I can’t make it?”

 

“Then we’ll find a solution, all right? Maybe you’ll feel better after you eat something and take a bath.” Damn, he had completely forgotten about Reflexion’s gig at the Amarillo that evening! Juha sighed and pressed closer to him. “Everything will be fine.” He pressed a kiss onto Juha’s hair and then walked him to the kitchen. “Sit down.”

 

After Juha had sat down, he curled his fingers around the glass filled with orange juice that Chris placed in front of him. Afraid of how his stomach might react, he took only small sips, but his stomach seemed agreeable and he emptied the glass.

 

“Do you want something to eat?”

 

Juha nodded. “Can I have some toast? Just put a little bit of marmalade on it please…” A minute later, Chris handed it to him and he nibbled carefully on it. When his stomach seemed to accept the food, he ate the rest as well. “I feel better.” He smiled warmly at Chris. “Thanks for everything you did last night. Seeing someone throw up is not a pretty sight and I’m afraid I drooled on you.” He peeked at Chris from beneath his eyelashes apologetically.

 

“You can drool on me all you want.” Chris caressed Juha’s face, smiling at him, but then turned serious. “I didn’t know you suffered from migraines.”

 

“It has been some time since it happened last.” Juha’s hand still trembled slightly, but he managed to refill his glass without spilling any orange juice. “But it’s nothing to worry about. They happen occasionally.”

 

“You could have warned me though. I worried.”

 

Chris’ expression was serious and Juha looked guiltily at him. “I didn’t know it would happen.”

 

“Is there anything I should do when it happens again?”

 

“You did everything right… Just put me to bed, feed me aspirin, and let me sleep. I don’t always become sick and throw up. It was really bad last night.”

 

“Have you ever seen a doctor because of your migraines?”

 

Juha carefully shook his head. “I don’t think it’s that serious.”

 

“Do me a favor and have it checked?”

 

Juha curled his fingers around Chris’ and nodded. “I’ll do that – just for you.”

 

TBC

 

Part 4

Locked in the darkside

 

Jack sat down next to Jonne on the living room floor and wrapped his arms around the blond. “Hey why so gloomy?” Jonne had turned depressed some days ago and for some reason, the blond’s melancholy refused to lift. “Will you tell me? Maybe I can help.” Jack really had no idea what was wrong. As far as he knew, everything between them was fine. Yes, it had been a few days since they had made love, but he reckoned that was a result of the blue funk Jonne was in.

 

Jonne sighed, closed his eyes, and leaned his body against Jack’s. “I shouldn’t have gone back to that therapist. Everything is coming back and I don’t like it.” He rubbed his cheek against Jack’s shoulder. “I should have left those memories in the dark where they belong.”

 

Jack finally caught on. “But if you don’t talk about those things, your nightmares will never go away.” It was true since Jonne’s nightmares had intensified during the last week. “Maybe re-living it will help you deal with it?”

 

“I’m sorry that I’m putting you through all this. You don’t deserve it.” Jonne turned in the embrace and looked Jack in the eye. “Sometimes I wonder if you don’t regret hooking up with me. I might *seem* like a good catch, but I’m not.”

 

Jack’s eyes widened. “Don’t say that. It’s not true. You *are* a good catch and I love you.” He stroked Jonne’s hair and cocked his head slightly. “Hey, what is it they say? In good times and in bad?”

 

Jonne managed a weak smile. “We’re not married.” Then his smile faded and he nervously bit his bottom lip. “I’d understand if you grew tired of me being like this and…would…want…to…go back…to Helsinki.”

 

Jack couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Jonne, what the fuck?”

 

“I mean it!” Jonne’s eyes swam with tears, but he didn’t shed them. He managed to fight them back. “It’s not fair, the things I put you through and…”

 

Jack had had enough and embraced Jonne tightly. “That’s nonsense. You’re going through a rough time and I want to be there for you. So please let me. I love you!” Jack raised Jonne’s head and smiled at him. “Hey, don’t forget how we got together! I’ve seen you much worse and I still fell in love with you! I want you.”

 

Jonne nodded reluctantly. It was true. Jack *had* seen him through that promotion tour. “Maybe you’re right.” He was still afraid to believe his luck though. “Good things don’t happen to me. Maybe for a while, but they never last.”

 

“My love for you will last,” Jack said and kissed Jonne on the lips. “So, tell me. What do you talk about when you’re at therapy?”

 

Jonne averted his eyes. “About Lauri losing it that night…”

 

“And what else?” Jack realized this was going to be like pulling teeth. Jonne wouldn’t tell him easily.

 

“About living at the shelter.”

 

Jack’s eyes narrowed. Jonne had once promised to tell him how bad it had been there, but the blond had never done so. “How bad was it? You mentioned being beaten up.”

 

Jonne nodded, but his gaze remained trained on the floor. “They liked beating me up. I wasn’t that strong or tall like them, and an easy victim.”

 

“And you still get nightmares about that?”

 

Jonne nodded. “It was worst when they got me in the dark at night when our caretakers weren’t about. They would really beat me up.”

 

“And what about Ville?”

 

“They left him alone. Ville was still very young and had friends in the shelter. He also lived in a dorm where there was constant supervision. They targeted me instead.” Sighing, Jonne rested his head against Jack’s shoulder. “These talks bring everything back and I don’t want that.”

 

“I understand that, but talking about it might help.” Jack stroked Jonne’s hair. “Is there anything else that gives you nightmares?” Jonne tensed against him, showing that the blond was holding back. “You can tell me.”

 

Jonne shrugged. “It’s not important.” He knew Jack had caught on, but thought he could still try to get away with not discussing it.

 

“Tell me.” Jack raised Jonne’s head again to make eye contact. “Please, Jonne...or don’t you trust me?” He was using dirty tactics and knew it, but he had to make Jonne talk no matter what the cost.

 

Jonne swallowed hard. He didn’t want to do this. “Please don’t make me say it.”

 

“I need to know,” Jack replied and caressed Jonne’s face. “How else am I supposed to help you?”

 

Jonne closed his eyes when Jack wouldn’t let him turn his head away. “I’m afraid you’ll leave me.”

 

Jack nodded in sudden understanding. “So that’s why you cried out for me last night? You seemed afraid that you were alone in bed…that I had gone. Now I finally get it. Now it makes sense!” Jonne had clung to him after the blond had woken from his nightmare. “Jonne, I love you. I’m not going to leave you.” He kissed the blond on the lips, hoping to convince Jonne he was sincere, but Jonne’s expression as he opened his eyes again remained uncertain. “I’ll prove it to you,” Jack stated while rubbing Jonne’s fingers and giving him a firm smile. “You’ll see.”

 

~~~

 

Mikko gave up. There was no way his bass guitar was going to cooperate. The noise leaving the instrument made both bass players flinch. “It’s useless. I’d better trash it.” Mikko shook his head. There was no way he could play it during the gig. “I can only hope the one Juha kept for me is in okay condition.”

 

Antti had stood next to Mikko while the other redhead had tried to make his bass guitar behave then took Mikko’s hand and guided him into the living room. “My old black one should do the trick.” Most of his instruments were standing in a corner and he took hold of one of his first bass guitars that was black with flames on it. “Try it.”

 

Mikko wasn’t sure he should accept. “It’s yours… I don’t think I should…”

 

Antti shook his head and firmly pushed the instrument into Mikko’s hands. “You’ve got a gig and no bass. I’ve got plenty of them!”

 

Mikko knew accepting the offer would be the sensible thing to do, especially if he wanted to play the gig that evening. “Kiitos! I’ll get a new one when I’ve made enough money!”

 

“Don’t worry about it!” Antti nodded encouragingly. “Try it! I’ll make dinner in the meantime!” Antti disappeared into the kitchen, giving Mikko a chance to get ‘acquainted’ with his new bass guitar. A few minutes later, the first notes left the boxes, which were hooked up to an amplifier. Antti grinned as he listened to Mikko’s playing while busying himself making tortillas.

 

Half an hour later, dinner was ready as Mikko walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Antti from behind. Resting his chin on Antti’s shoulder, Mikko pressed a kiss just beneath the other man’s ear. “She’s perfect.”

 

Antti grinned. “I’m glad the two of you hit it off.” He turned around and moved to kiss Mikko on the lips, but then hesitated.

 

Mikko caught on though and leaned in closer, capturing Antti’s lips. Closing his eyes, he deepened the kiss and moaned softly.

 

Antti responded and grew hard. The effect Mikko had on him surprised him anew. “Stop… Don’t…” He broke off the kiss and gave Mikko a rueful look. “We shouldn’t start something we won’t finish.”

 

Mikko regrettably had to admit that Antti was right. He wasn’t ready yet to take that step and teasing Antti wasn’t very nice either. “Smells great.” A look over Antti’s shoulder showed that they were eating Mexican food. “Anything I can do to help?”

 

“Sit down and eat!” Antti moved everything from the stove over to the kitchen table. While they ate, Antti kept an eye on the clock. It was five o’clock and they had to leave in thirty minutes. “Are you nervous?” he asked once he had finished eating.

 

Mikko grinned. “Hardly ever…” He had finished too. “That tasted great.”

 

Antti inclined his head in acceptance. “I’m glad you liked it.”

 

Mikko searched Antti’s eyes. “Will you be backstage the entire time?”

 

Antti nodded. “Of course! I want to watch the show!”

 

Mikko smiled and leaned in closer once more to brush Antti’s lips with his. He hoped the gig would go well. He wanted to impress Antti.

 

~~~

 

Tommi yawned. He couldn’t help being tired. He had been busy all day and that evening, Matthau and he had talked again, mostly about the younger man’s craving for alcohol. Even though they had watched TV, they would always start up the conversation again. “Matti, forget about it. There’s no alcohol here. You can’t drink.”

 

Matthau knew that, but still... “I can go buy some.”

 

“You won’t do that because if you do, I’ll bend you over my knee and give you a good thrashing!” Tommi’s eyes widened. He had only meant to think that, not say it aloud. “Just forget that!” He raised a finger and pointed it at Matthau. “Don’t you bring that up ever again!”

 

Matthau grinned. “Wishful thinking perhaps?”

 

“Definitely not!” Tommi yawned again. His eyes were about to close and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay awake much longer. “Do I need to sleep in front of the door or will you behave and stay?”

 

“I’ll behave.” Matthau meant it. He knew that Tommi was tired and didn’t want to create any more problems. “You can sleep without having to worry about me doing something stupid.”

 

“Good!” Tommi yawned a third time. “Do you have a blanket and a pillow for me? I need to get some sleep!”

 

Matthau rose from the couch and brought Tommi the two items. “Are you really going to sleep on the couch?”

 

“You don’t have a guestroom, do you?” Tommi put the pillow at one end of the couch and then spread the comforter over the sofa.

 

“I don’t…” Matthau felt uncomfortable with letting Tommi sleep on the couch after everything the older man had done for him. “Why don’t you take the bed instead?”

 

“No way. If you want to leave the apartment, you have to pass by the living room and I’m a very light sleeper.” Tommi shook his head. “I’m not going to make things that easy on you!”

 

In spite of Tommi’s annoyed tone, Matthau smiled. It was amazing, but Tommi really worried about him! “And what if we share the bed? It’s big enough for both of us.” He noticed the way Tommi’s movements froze and a stunned look appeared on his face. “I’m serious,” he added when he concluded that Tommi had a hard time believing he had been invited to sleep in his bed. “I told you that I would love having you in my bed,” he said, grinning some more.

 

“Sure, make fun of me!” Bitterness appeared on Tommi’s face. “Come on, Matti, go to bed and sleep! We’ll see how things are tomorrow and if necessary, I’ll help you get organized in other ways too...financially for example.” He lay down, pulled the blanket up to his chin, and turned away from Matthau. “Sleep tight.”

 

Matthau shook his head in wonder at Tommi’s reaction. He hadn’t expected such bitterness from the other man and wasn’t sure on what to do. The words wouldn’t come to him and, in the end, he turned and went into his bedroom, knowing sleep wouldn’t come easy for him that night.

 

~~~

 

Chris eyed Juha critically when the redhead exited the bathroom. “Are you really up to performing?”

 

Juha nodded. “We only play for one hour. I should be able to get through that.” With his hair still damp from the shower he had taken, Juha straddled Chris, who was sitting on the bed. “I still feel a bit light-headed and my stomach is acting up occasionally, but not so badly that I couldn’t perform. And I want to hit the stage badly. We don’t get that many gigs.”

 

Since Juha had only wrapped a towel around his waist, Chris’ fingertips roamed his lover’s back freely. He would have loved to take Juha right there, but knew that it might drain the younger man further and Juha needed his strength to get him through the gig. “Just let me know if something’s wrong and I’ll get you off stage.”

 

Juha nodded, cocked his head, and smiled at the older man. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

 

Chris shook his head. “It’s the other way around. I’m blessed to have you.” Leaning in closer, he kissed Juha and held him tight.

 

~~~

 

“Jack, I don’t want to go out tonight. Can’t we stay home?” Jonne lacked the energy though to stop Japa from pulling him along. The dark-haired man had told him to get dressed and had then dragged him to the street. Dressed in a warm, gray coat, Jonne put up the collar and burrowed deeper into the warm fabric. “Where are we going in the first place?”

 

“It’s a surprise.” Jack hoped he was doing the right thing. He really wanted to lift Jonne’s spirits and when he’d heard that Reflexion was performing at the Amarillo, he had thought it would be a good way to end the day. Maybe it would stop Jonne from brooding for one night.

 

Jonne sighed and resigned himself to his fate. He leaned against Jack, wrapped an arm around his lover, and allowed himself to be pulled along. “Are you going to tell me now where we’re going?”

 

“Not yet.” Jack pulled Jonne along and a few minutes later, they arrived at their destination.

 

Jonne knew the club of course. He had been there countless times before, either performing or watching gigs. “Japa?”

 

Jack smiled and pulled him along. They got through security easily thanks to Antti putting them on the list and went backstage. “We’re right on time!” He put their coats aside and led Jonne closer to the stage. “See anyone you know?”

 

Jonne felt intrigued by then and looked about then saw Juha first. It was hard *not* to notice the flaming red hair. “I do.” Then he noticed Chris, who, after waving at them, made his way over to them. “It’s good to see you again.” They had met during rehearsal the other day, but hadn’t had time to talk. Jonne enjoyed the embrace his friend bestowed on him and gifted him with a genuine smile. “I didn’t know Reflexion had a gig tonight.”

 

“They’re replacing some band.” Chris waved at Juha once the band’s intro started. “Antti, we’re over here!”

 

Antti gave Mikko one last smile and then joined his friends. He hugged Jonne and said, “It’s been a while since we hung out together! Do you want to come with us once their gig has ended? We’re going for a drink at the Dog’s Home, not Amadeus!”

 

Jonne wasn’t sure and shrugged. “Maybe.”

 

Jack was determined to convince Jonne to go along however.

 

~~~

 

Chris practically drooled at the sight of Juha owning the stage. The redhead was a natural at drawing in the crowd and when Reflexion exited the stage one hour later, the audience continued to cheer them on even after the band had left. “Fucking great,” he said and kissed Juha on the lips.

 

Juha returned the kiss and briefly deepened it. Then he pulled away and whispered, “I’m going to take a quick shower and then I’ll join you.”

 

Chris nodded and let him go. Then he turned and watched Antti and Mikko kiss too. He arched an eyebrow. Had he missed something? Since when were those two an item?

 

“Chris, why are Antti and Mikko kissing?” Jonne watched the scene with surprise that was equal to Chris’.

 

“I have no idea.” Chris exchanged a look with Japa, but the younger man merely shrugged, showing he had no information either. After Antti and Mikko had ended their kiss and Reflexion’s bass player had vanished backstage for a shower too, Chris made his way over to Antti with Jonne and Jack following him. He wasn’t the only curious one then! “So, are you going to tell us what’s going on?” To his amusement, Antti blushed. Chris couldn’t remember Antti blushing so easily before. The bass player seldom blushed to begin with!

 

“There’s not much to tell…” Antti didn’t want to discuss Mikko with his friends since he didn’t know himself where they were at.

 

Jonne, who knew Antti the longest and the best, smiled at his friend. “I know that look. You’re in love.”

 

“Damn it, Jonne, shut up!” Antti poked Jonne in his side. “I don’t…”

 

Jonne released a startled yelp at being poked like that, but then chuckled. “It’s okay if you don’t want to admit it yet to yourself.”

 

“That’s not it!” Antti glared at Jonne. It vexed him that Jonne knew him so well. “Mikko just broke up with his girlfriend. I don’t want this to be a rebound thing, got it?”

 

Jonne nodded thoughtfully. “In that case, take your time and don’t rush anything.”

 

“You got it! That’s what we’re doing!” Antti replied.

 

“Or what you’re trying to do,” Chris retorted with a wink. “There was an awful lot of tongue involved in that kiss.”

 

Antti grabbed the first thing he could get hold of, which happened to be a towel, and flung it at his friend. “Just shut the fuck up.”

 

Chris grinned though and made kissing sounds. Normally it was Antti driving *him* crazy and he enjoyed turning the tables on the bass player for a change.

 

~~~

 

Tommi woke when something disturbed his sleep. Feeling surprised, he noticed that he was being studied. Matthau sat on the coffee table and was looking at him. “Hei. You should be in bed, you know.” Tommi pushed himself upright and eyed Matthau inquisitively. “What are you doing up?”

 

“I couldn’t sleep and ended up being bored like hell. I had to do something in order to stop myself from going to the liquor store.” He had tossed and turned for almost two hours before giving up and leaving his bed. He hadn’t been sure what to do, but eventually, he had ended up in the living room to watch Tommi sleep. The fact that someone was close comforted him and had stopped him from leaving the apartment in search of alcohol.

 

Tommi sighed and rubbed his eyes. He was still tired. The nap had only made things worse and he yawned. “So what do we need to do in order for you to finally go to sleep? And no, that doesn’t include alcohol!”

 

Matthau shrugged. He wasn’t sure that admitting the truth would help, considering Tommi’s lack of enthusiasm when it came to sleeping in his bed. He *knew* though from prior experience that having someone close helped him relax. “I wouldn’t know.”

 

Tommy’s eyes narrowed. “That’s a lie. Now tell me the truth.”

 

Matthau’s eyes widened. Had Tommi really called him a liar?

 

“You heard me! Don’t give me lies. Tell me the truth. I’m here to help, remember?” Tommi ran a hand through his hair and glanced at Matthau impatiently, all the while trying to think of something the younger man might have mentioned during their chat sessions. “I remember something,” he remarked as his eyes narrowed further. “You don’t like sleeping alone.”

 

Matthau had the grace to blush. “Why did you have to remember that little detail?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tommi was intrigued.

 

“Well, considering your reluctance to share the bed, I thought it best not to mention it.” Matthau wasn’t sure how to continue their conversation and in retrospect, he wondered why he hadn’t just stayed in bed. Even if he had been awake all night, it would have been less embarrassing than having this conversation.

 

Tommi considered everything. “Do you think you can sleep when I’m next to you?” He had to stop thinking about it in a sexual context. They would sleep in the same bed and that would be it.

 

Matthau wanted to get away with a shrug for an answer, but Tommi’s look told him to take the question serious. “I might,” he replied after a moment’s thought.

 

Tommi knew what to do then. He picked up his pillow and blanket and watched Matthau expectantly. “Get moving then.”

 

Matthau’s eyes widened, not expecting Tommi to give in. “Are you serious?”

 

“Yes, I am, now move your ass. I’m tired and I want to sleep.” Tommi shooed Matthau back into the bedroom. “Which side is yours?” The entire bed had been slept in.

 

“Left,” Matthau replied and lay down. “If that’s okay with you.”

 

“I don’t care as long as I get to sleep.” Tommi placed the pillow on his side and then snuggled up under his blanket again. “Have some good dreams,” he said before closing his eyes and turning onto his side away from Matthau. It only took him five minutes to go back to sleep and he started to snore contentedly.

 

For Matthau though sleep didn’t come so easily. Yes, he wasn’t alone anymore, and yes, Tommi was close, but not close enough. Hoping the older man was really fast asleep, he inched closer until he was spooned up behind Tommi. He wrapped his arms around the older man, determined to break the embrace first thing in the morning *hopefully* before Tommi would wake again. He would end up very embarrassed otherwise.

 

~~~

 

It had been a good idea to have a drink at the Dog’s Home instead of Amadeus, Chris reckoned. It was nice to be able to have some privacy for a change. He knew that it was only a matter of time before his fans found out where he liked to go for a drink, but for now he enjoyed the peace and quiet. Juha had snuggled up to him and his lover’s long fingers stroked his thigh.

 

On Chris’ other side sat Jonne, who had decided to get tipsy, much to Jack’s amusement. Jack kept stealing glances at the blond and kept a close eye on how much exactly his lover was drinking, since he didn’t want to make the mistake again of thinking that Jonne was drunk while the blond was merely playing him.

 

Antti and Mikko *were* getting drunk fast. They had ordered a bottle of Jägermeister, which Jussi had brought them himself, and were already halfway through the content. Antti had noticed the grin on Jussi’s face when they had entered the pub. Jussi was always glad when he had some extra visitors!

 

“The show was great,” Chris whispered into Juha’s ear. His lover’s head rested against his shoulder and Juha’s fingers sought out his. Chris responded by clasping the redhead’s hand in his. “How are you doing? You look tired.” Juha seemed to have recovered from the other night’s migraine, but he still seemed drained. The migraine had probably taken a lot out of the redhead.

 

“Just a little tired,” Juha murmured as his fingers caressed Chris’ in turn. “Can we leave in an hour or so? I don’t think I’ll last long tonight. Too tired.”

 

Chris nodded. “We’ll have another drink and after that, we’ll leave.” So far, Juha had stuck to mineral water and Chris asked, “What do you want to drink? More water or…?”

 

“I’d better not drink any alcohol yet. I learned that the hard way. If I do, it enhances the chances of my migraine returning tonight.”

 

Chris ordered another water for Juha and a beer for himself since he didn’t want to end up too drunk to take Juha home in case the redhead’s migraine returned. Feeling someone’s gaze upon him, he looked up and realized that Jonne was staring at him looking both amused and curious. “Is something wrong?” he asked as he sipped his beer.

 

Jonne, who had already drunk a fair amount of alcohol, grinned. “Since when do you stick to beer when there’s harder stuff available? We’re celebrating!” Chris’ changed behavior puzzled him, but in a good way. During the last few months in which Chris and Juha had been together, his friend had been remarkably sober. He didn’t know Chris like this!

 

Chris shook his head. “I’d better keep a sharp mind tonight.”

 

“And why is that?” Like Jonne, Jack was curious too.

 

Chris shrugged. “Juha suffered from a migraine last night and I don’t want to be too drunk to care for him in case it returns.” After a moment’s thought he added, “And what’s the point in getting drunk anyway?” He gave Juha a meaningful look. “Sober, I feel happy as well.” Juha rubbed his fingers in response.

 

“You’re scaring me,” Jack remarked. They had often gotten drunk together and this was the first time ever Chris preferred remaining sober. He smiled. He liked the effect Juha was having on his friend. He had often hoped that Chris would find a reason to stop using drugs, whether it was alcohol, weed, or even stronger stuff and it seemed like Chris had found that reason in Juha! Exchanging a look with Jonne, Jack saw the same relief in his lover’s blue eyes. Jonne had apparently reached the same conclusion he had!

 

~~~

 

“Thanks for dragging me along, even if I gave you a hard time about it at first.” Jonne, feeling comfortably tipsy, had snuggled up to Jack in their bed. “Spending time with our friends again was nice and I can’t believe the way Chris has changed!”

 

“I’m proud of him. He’s really made some changes in his life style!” Jack pressed kisses onto Jonne’s hair. He noticed the way Jonne’s breathing evening out and deepened, a sure sign the younger man had fallen asleep. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the feel of Jonne in his arms and, feeling content, he joined his lover in sleep.

 

~~~

 

“Is everything okay?” Chris couldn’t help being concerned while still vividly remembering the discomfort Juha had been in the other night. Snuggled close to each other, he had rested his brow against the redhead’s and studied the tired, but lucid gaze.

 

“I’m fine! Stop worrying!” Juha drew in a deep breath and sighed. Moistening his lips, he gazed thoughtfully at his lover.

 

“What’s the matter?” Chris frowned as he realized that Juha was up to something.

 

“Nothing,” Juha said at first, but then added, “Would you write a song with me? I want one that’s just ours.”

 

Chris’ eyes bulged. “Juha, I don’t write songs! Jonne and Lauri do!”

 

“I bet you’re good at it too. You just haven’t tried it yet! I’m a good teacher.” Juha winked at Chris. “Give it a try! Please, for me?” Turning his best puppy dog look on Chris, he nibbled on his bottom lip at the same time. “Please!”

 

There was no way Chris could deny Juha and certainly not when his lover looked at him that way. “Maybe… We’ll see what happens, okay?”

 

Juha grinned. “I’ll take that as a yes then.”

 

Chris sighed and wondered what he had just gotten himself into!


~~~

 

“Antti, you’re so drunk!” Mikko grinned, chuckled, and had to lean heavily against the other redhead in order to keep from falling onto his ass...again!

 

“You’re way more drunk than me!” Antti managed to unlock the door to his apartment and stumbled inside. They had taken a taxi home in spite of the short distance since there had been no way they would have made it back on foot. He kicked the door shut behind them and leaned against the wall.

 

Mikko grinned at Antti goofily. “Let me tell you something! We’re both drunk.” And then the giggling started all over again with Antti quickly joining him.

 

“We shouldn’t have ordered that bottle of vodka after we finished the Jägermeister!” Antti chuckled.

 

Mikko shook his head however. “Ei! That was the best idea you had all evening!” Pressing Antti against the wall, he grinned lopsidedly at the other redhead. “You know what I’m in the mood for?” He seductively licked his lips and stroked the growing bulge in Antti’s jeans.

 

Antti had a pretty good idea what Mikko was in the mood for since he was aroused as well and would never have given into it had he been sober. But he was drunk like Mikko and thinking with his cock instead of with his brain. In the back of his mind a voice warned him that he might regret giving in later, but at the moment, he didn’t care. He just wanted to have sex with Mikko.

 

“Your bed is way more comfortable than mine,” Mikko purred as he pulled Antti with him to the other redhead’s bedroom. “Make love to me,” he purred into Antti’s ear. “I want to know you that way…” Seductively, he ran the tip of his tongue down Antti’s throat. Antti trembled against him and that was when Mikko realized that Antti would let him have his way with him.

 

TBC

 

Part 5

In my heaven

 

Mikko pushed Antti onto the bed and then crawled on top of him. Fed by curiosity and need, his hands slid beneath Antti’s shirt and quickly removed it. Finally, Antti’s chest was bared and his hands roamed the sensitive skin. He had never been on top with a man before. Juha had been the only male he had been with and back then he had been on the receiving end at his own request. He had needed to know what that would be like. But now he wanted to experience the act the other way around.

 

Antti threw back his head and hissed sharply when Mikko’s lips closed around an already hard nipple. Mikko wasn’t as gentle as he might have expected, sucking the nub fiercely and making him thrust upward. “Slow down,” Antti managed in-between gasps. “Or you’ll make me come.”

 

Antti’s words eventually registered with Mikko, who raised his head so he could look Antti in the eye. “I want you,” he whispered in an unguarded moment. “I want to know what it’s like to be inside you.”

 

Antti swallowed hard. “You’re going very fast, Mikko.” He might be drunk, and having Mikko touch him that way felt amazing, but he was slowly regaining control over his wits thankfully. “I don’t want to regret this later though.” He placed his hands on either side of Mikko’s head and eyed him closely.

 

Mikko calmed as Antti forced him to remain motionless. The expression in Antti’s eyes helped him sober up. What the hell was he doing? Startled, he stared at Antti in shock. “Shit, I’m…” His eyes widened as he realized what he had been about to do. He didn’t want to fuck this up!

 

Antti smiled as he realized that Mikko was thinking rationally once more. “Don’t worry. I understand. It’s easy to lose control when you’ve drunk too much. Happened to me just now too.”

 

Feeling lost, Mikko didn’t know what to do next. Maybe he should apologize?

 

“It’s okay,” Antti said and soothingly stroked Mikko’s back. “I want this too, but… I don’t think we should go all the way just yet.” Mikko nodded and Antti relaxed. “That doesn’t mean we can’t touch.”

 

Mikko was still straddling Antti’s waist as he swallowed nervously. “Are you sure you want this too? I don’t want to pressure-”

 

Antti stopped Mikko from finishing by brushing the other man’s lips with his in a superficial kiss. “I’m more than okay with this.” He pulled Mikko next to him and turned onto his side. Even in his intoxicated state he managed to unbutton Mikko’s shirt and slide it down the other man’s shoulders within seconds and without any awkward fumbling. “I’ve wanted to do this for days now.” Licking his way from Mikko’s throat to an erect nipple, he teased the nub. “Let’s go slow, all right?”

 

Mikko nodded. “I don’t want to fuck this up either.” He closed his eyes when Antti unzipped his jeans and pushed the fabric apart. Biting his bottom lip, he groaned and threw his head back. “Yes…” he purred.

 

Antti grinned predatorily and wrapped his fingers around the hard flesh before massaging it firmly. With his other hand, he took hold of Mikko’s and guided the redhead’s fingers around his cock in turn.

 

Mikko quickly caught on and timed his strokes with Antti’s. Pressing his lips against Antti’s, a series of groans escaped Mikko as he started to thrust into that tight fist. He was painfully hard and knew he wouldn’t last long – certainly not after all the alcohol he’d had. “I want to come at the same time you do,” he whispered into Antti’s ear.

 

Antti smiled, kissed Mikko again, and deepened the kiss. Twisting one of Mikko’s nipples between his fingers, he timed his strokes as well and soon, they were moving and panting in unison. They came together, just like Mikko had wished for and Mikko clung to Antti during the moment of his climax.

 

Once the need to find release had been satisfied, Mikko’s mind grew much clearer and he realized what he had originally wanted to do: make love with Antti. That might have wrecked everything since they certainly weren’t ready to take that step. “Thanks for stopping me,” he whispered and sighed blissfully when Antti had taken to rubbing his abdomen slowly and sensually.

 

Antti nodded and pulled Mikko close to him. “You made it hard for me to stop you though. You have no idea how much I want you that way too.” He gazed longingly at Mikko. “But I don’t want our first time to be like this with us drunk. I want to *know* what I’m doing when I make love to you and not experience a black out later.”

 

Mikko nodded against Antti’s shoulder. “You’re right…” Closing his eyes, he snuggled up to the other redhead. “I want our first time to be like that too.” Grinning, he rubbed his cheek against Antti’s shoulder. “You *do* realize that I have fallen in love with you?”

 

Antti’s heart missed a beat and his eyes widened with joy. “I had hoped as much!” Enfolding Mikko in a hug, he smiled happily. “We got time, you know.”

 

Mikko nodded again. He had wanted to stay awake and talk to Antti some more, but the alcohol made him drowsy and he couldn’t help falling asleep.

 

Antti tried to stay awake a little longer, wanting to savor the first time holding Mikko in his bed, but he didn’t last much longer either and, before he knew it, he had dozed off too.

 

~~~

 

When Tommi woke the next morning, the first thing he did was wonder why he was unable to move about. Normally there weren’t any arms or legs constricting him! Ah, yes, Matthau! He sighed and tried to turn around, but Matthau’s hold on him was tight and he didn’t have any space left to move. Okay, waking up like this raised some questions, but Tommi quickly chalked it up to Matthau somehow grabbing him in his sleep. The question that remained however was how to free oneself from Matthau’s embrace? He could wait for the younger man to wake up, but that could take hours and he really had to go to the bathroom *now*.

 

“Don’t…” Matthau whispered, still halfway asleep when Tommi started to move about. “Want to sleep some more…” His dreams had been pleasant for a change and his sleep restful. When had that happened last? He couldn’t remember and didn’t want this peaceful slumber to end yet.

 

“Matti, you’ve got to let go… I really need to go to the bathroom!”

 

Actually hearing Tommi’s voice pulled Matthau from his slumber and his eyes widened in shock as he realized that Tommi had woken first. He still had his arms – and legs!! When had that happened? – wrapped around the older man. Feeling embarrassed, he quickly let go. “I didn’t mean too,” he murmured and grew flustered. “Must have happened while I was asleep.” Hopefully Tommi would believe him!

 

“I don’t mind,” Tommi quickly assured him. “But I really need to go…”

 

Matthau released Tommi from his hold and the older man left the bed for the bathroom, but not before looking at Matthau from over his shoulder. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

 

“I could make breakfast…” Matthau suggested, feeling uncomfortable as he realized that once Tommi got back, the older man would want to lie down again.

 

“Stay there and don’t move!” Tommi pointed a finger at him. “And try to sleep. I’ll be right back!”

 

Matthau still considered leaving the bed though since he had no idea how he would react when Tommi got back. Unfortunately he took too much time thinking and Tommi was back before he had made up his mind.

 

Tommi didn’t feel as sure of himself as he acted, but knew one of them had to do away with any false shame. There was nothing sexual or sensual about the situation. There were only sharing a bed for crying out loud! It wasn’t like Matthau had the hots for him! Lying down at some distance from Matthau, he said, “You should sleep some more. It’s still early.”

 

Tommi was glad he was off from work that day. He would have hated leaving Matthau alone, but he had to find some sort of solution for the next day. It was obvious that leaving Matthau on his own would only result in the younger man getting drunk again. Maybe he should call Chris and find out if he was willing to help?

 

~~~

 

Chris frowned. Instead of finding Juha in his bed the next morning, there was just a note on the redhead’s pillow. It said: “I promise to make everything up to you this evening. Love you, Juha.”

 

“Make what up to me?” He hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary as far he was concerned. He had just taken care of his lover when Juha hadn’t felt well. Turning the piece of paper around, he frowned. He had discovered a side to Juha which he hadn’t known existed. For some reason the redhead felt guilty for not being able to be the strong one all the time. He sighed. They definitely had to talk!

 

The previous night, he had already noticed that something was different between the two of them. Juha *had* snuggled up to him and *had* fallen asleep quickly, but the expression in his eyes had been off. He was determined to get to the bottom of the matter though. He had the feeling Juha was hiding something from him!

 

~~~

 

Mikko nuzzled Antti’s throat and whispered a “Good morning to you,” when Antti finally opened his eyes. It was a good thing he didn’t start work until three PM that day since it was already eleven AM. “I like waking up in your bed.” But they had definitely made a mess! They should have cleaned themselves up before falling asleep. “In case you hadn’t noticed,” he remarked and grinned at Antti, who was only half awake yet. “We’re stuck.”

 

Antti needed a moment to truly wake up and sort out his thoughts, but then recalled what had happened the other night: they *had* ended up in bed together. Thankfully, they hadn’t gone all the way...he would have never forgiven himself if they had! “Ah, we’ll just have to be careful then when we disentangle.” They had ended up in each other’s arms that night with their jeans still wrapped around their thighs. “I liked touching you like that,” he whispered and made an attempt to catch Mikko’s lips with his, but reconsidered at the last moment, uncertain if Mikko still wanted it now that most of the alcohol had left their system.

 

Mikko closed the distance between them and kissed Antti. Once he released the other man’s lips again, he said, “I want this too. Don’t doubt that.”

 

Antti nodded. “I’ll try to remember that.” Inching closer, he gingerly pressed his lips onto Mikko and kissed him.

 

~~~

 

Jack snuck out of the bedroom on tip toe when the phone rang. He managed to get there in time and hoped the noise hadn’t woken Jonne. The blond had slept all through the night without waking once. Jack grinned. It had probably helped that they had finally made love again. He might have exhausted Jonne, who had promptly fallen asleep after he had climaxed!

 

“Jack here,” he answered.

 

“It’s Ville. Is Jonne around?”

 

“He’s still asleep and I’d hate waking him. It’s the first night of decent sleep he has gotten in a week! Is something up?”

 

“Is he still having nightmares then?”

 

Jack sighed. “Unfortunately yes, but he’s seeing a therapist and he has started discussing them with me. So that’s a good sign!”

 

“I was wondering… Would the two of you like to come over for dinner this evening?”

 

“Sure, we’ll be there…”

 

“Around seven?”

 

“That’s fine!” Jack ended the call and returned to his lover, who was still dozing peacefully. Climbing back into bed, he snuggled up to Jonne and held him tight.

 

~~~

 

The last thing Chris expected was to get a call from Tommi. He cautiously answered with, “What gig did I miss? What interview was I supposed to do? I’m sorry that I forgot, but…”

 

“Chris, shut up. It’s nothing like that. I need your help.”

 

Relieved that he hadn’t forgotten something important, Chris asked, “What’s up then? Normally you don’t call me.”

 

“It’s Matthau.”

 

Christus’ eyes widened. “What’s amiss?”

 

“He bought two bottles of whiskey the other day and was about to down them, almost throwing away the three months in which he had been sober. I’m with him now, but I have to go back to work tomorrow. I can’t leave him alone though and you’re his brother.”

 

Chris drew in a deep breath. “The last time we talked, we fought. We screamed at each other.” It hurt though, finding out that Matthau was struggling to remain sober. “How bad is he?”

 

“He’s coping, but he needs some support and I can’t be there all the time. I need to go back to work tomorrow and that’s when I thought of you. Can’t you keep an eye on him? I’ve got the feeling things get especially hard on him during the night. He can cope during the day.”

 

Chris scratched his head, trying to think of something to say. “I want to help,” he said eventually. “But Matti and I don’t really get along.”

 

“At the moment, you’re his best chance. I really don’t want him to be alone.”

 

Chris’ eyes narrowed. “How did you get involved, Tommi? I didn’t know that Matti and you were that close!”

 

“It’s a long story, Chris.”

 

Chris thought everything over. “I don’t think I can help Matti at this point. I want to, don’t get me wrong, but we always bring out the worst in each other. I’m afraid I might become a reason for him to start drinking again.”

 

“What if he spends the days with you and the evenings with me? I’ve got a spare room, which he can use.”

 

Chris nodded. “That would be fine with me, but did you ask Matti yet?”

 

“Not yet,” Tommi admitted. “But I will!”

 

~~~

 

Jonne thoroughly enjoyed playing with the kittens. Musta especially was quickly gaining a special place in his heart. The kitten had lots of energy and loved chasing after the toys Jonne used to keep him busy. Ville watched the two of them and reached a decision. Lauri had told him that he wasn’t going to make all decisions. The older man wanted him to take the lead as well. “The two of you get along just fine.” Ville sat down next to Jonne on the floor and watched his brother entertain the kitten.

 

“He’s full of life,” Jonne replied and smiled at Ville. Ville had made him very happy that evening with the news that he was a student now. “I wish you the best and if there’s anything I can do to help, you know, like help you pay for your books and stuff, please tell me.”

 

Ville nodded but had no intention of asking Jonne for money. “You like playing with him, don’t you?” The smile that appeared on Jonne’s face whenever the kitten pulled a stunt hadn’t been lost on him. After Jonne had nodded, he asked, “Would you like to take him home with you?” He hadn’t counted on the shy, somewhat intimidated look Jonne gave him.

 

“He’s yours, not mine.” Jonne forced a smile onto his face.

 

“But I’ve got three of them! I’ve got my hands full! You’d help me out if you’d adopt him!”

 

Jonne shook his head again. “I can’t decide something like that. I don’t even know if Jack likes cats.”

 

Ville sighed. He had thought his brother to be more self-confident. This reminded him of the conversation he’d had with Lauri the other day. “Do you want to take him in?”

 

Jonne averted his gaze. “I can’t. He belongs with his family.”

 

Ville sighed. Not even he had put up that much resistance when Lauri had told him that it was okay to make his own decisions. “If Jack agrees to it, would you adopt Musta?”

 

Jonne felt cornered. “I don’t want him to have to leave his family.”

 

Ville grew exasperated as Jonne managed to evade answering him again and was about to call his brother on his behavior when he noticed Jack standing close to them. One look at the dark-haired man’s face showed that Japa must have overheard most of their conversation. Good...maybe that meant Jack would back him up!

 

Jack *had* heard most of the brothers’ conversation and deemed the time right to intervene. Sitting down cross-legged next to Jonne, he drew the kitten’s attention towards him. As he did, Jonne looked at him as well and he noticed the timid
look. “I like cats,” he commented. “We could take him in.”

 

Jonne still hesitated though. “What if we’re on tour?”

 

“There’s not much chance of us being on tour at the same time. I think we should do this!”

 

Jonne remained unconvinced though. He would love to give the kitten a home, but…

“Stop brooding and just say yes,” Jack ordered as he pulled Jonne into his arms.

 

Jonne sighed and then nodded. “Okay, but…”

 

“No buts!” Jack lifted the kitten and placed him in Jonne’s arms. “Say hello to our newest family addition.”

 

Jack’s remark made Jonne smile. “Hey there,” he said and patted the kitten.

 

Jack raised his gaze and sought out Ville’s. The look that passed between them spoke of contented accomplishment. If they teamed up, Jonne stood no chance against them, that much was sure!

 

~~~

 

Chris was flipping through TV channels when Juha arrived home. Although the redhead had a smile on his face, Juha still looked tired and worried. Chris beckoned his lover to come over to the couch and sit down. “I missed having you close when I woke up this morning.” His hand glided into Juha’s and the redhead’s fingers closed around it.

 

“I didn’t want you to wake up that early. You need your sleep too.”

 

Chris eyed Juha critically and arched an eyebrow when his lover averted his gaze. It was obvious that something was wrong. Juha was hiding something from him and seemed reluctant to talk about it. Chris had never thought it possible that he would be the one having to make Juha open up to him. It had always been the other way around in the past. Deciding to confront Juha with his suspicions, Chris crawled onto the younger man’s lap and rested his brow against Juha’s. “I know you’re keeping something back. What aren’t you telling me?” Juha swallowed hard and tried to look away again, but Chris was so close that looking away was practically impossible. “Tell me. I don’t want any lies to come between us. What are you afraid to tell me?”

 

Juha swallowed nervously. He hadn’t counted on Chris forcing him to talk and certainly not like this. His lover was so close and… those eyes, they… In the end, Juha had to close his. He had no real reason *not* to tell Chris what worried him...well, except for the fact that Chris might start worrying about him.

 

“You can tell me. It can’t be that bad!” Chris rubbed his forehead against Juha’s. Juha closing his eyes wasn’t a good sign as far as he was concerned.

 

“It’s…” Juha sighed, opened his eyes, and then tried again. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I do. I just don’t want you to worry unnecessarily.”

 

“Worry about what?” Chris frowned.

 

Juha drew in a deep breath and his voice trembled when he continued. “Eight years ago I… Well, they found a tumor in my brain and had to operate.”

 

Chris’ eyes widened dramatically. “What?” He had expected many things, but certainly not that!

 

“I’ve always suffered from migraines and there was nothing more to them…until then. Things changed. I had problems with my coordination and my vision would grow blurry. My father dragged me to a doctor and, after running several tests and some scans, they found the tumor. They caught it in time and managed to remove it.”

 

Chris couldn’t believe the things he was hearing. “You told me you had never seen a doctor about your migraines!”

 

“I didn’t want to worry you.” Juha bit his bottom lip.

 

Chris needed a moment to digest everything Juha had told him. “They removed the tumor completely or is there a chance that…?” He was too scared to finish his question.

 

“It’s gone, yes. They got everything out. There’s always the chance it’ll grow back, but the chances of that happening are small.” Juha finally sought out Chris’ gaze and cringed at the fear there. “It was just a migraine the other night, Chris!”

 

“But what if…”

 

“And that’s the reason why I didn’t want to tell you!”

 

For a long moment the two of them looked at each other, but then Chris said, “But you *will* get it checked on? Just in case?”

 

Juha nodded tiredly. “As a precaution they check me over every year. So far, they have never found anything wrong with me.”

 

Chris drew in another deep breath. “And you have been to your check up this year too?”

 

“I have to go next month, but Chris, I’m fine!” Juha wished he hadn’t let himself be swayed to tell his lover. “Don’t give me that look!”

 

“Anteeksi,” Chris whispered against Juha’s lips. “I can’t help being worried.” He pressed a kiss onto Juha’s lips and trembled fiercely. Until that moment it had never occurred to him that he could lose Juha. Juha had always been the strong one and the thought of losing his lover to some disease almost made him physically ill. He hadn’t fully realized just how important Juha had become to him and imagining a life without the redhead in it… He didn’t dare finish the thought!

 

“Don’t be like that,” Juha whispered and rubbed Chris’ back. “It was just a migraine. Trust me, I know the difference.”

 

Chris swallowed hard. “I don’t want to lose you.” If he lost Juha then…

 

“You won’t lose me.” Juha pulled his lover close and embraced him tightly. “I’ll always be with you.”

 

~~~

 

“Aren’t you even a bit hungry?” Tommi had fixed Matthau breakfast, but the younger man merely poked at his over-easy eggs.

 

Matthau shrugged apologetically. “I told you not to bother fixing me food.” He felt listless and the mere thought of eating made him queasy.

 

Tommi sat down at the kitchen table and drank his coffee. He couldn’t stall much longer. He had to tell Matthau that he had talked to Chris, but how would the younger man react? Maybe it would be best to bring the subject up by detouring it. “I have to go back to work tomorrow so what will you do when you’re alone all day?”

 

Matthau checked the wall calendar. “I’ve got therapy at one.” That would take an hour and then he would go home again...if he didn’t end up in a liquor store.

 

Tommi moistened his lips and carefully balanced his next words. “It seems to me that more therapy might do you good. If you only have therapy twice a week…” At least that was what the calendar said. He had the feeling Matthau needed more structured help.

 

Matthau shrugged again. “Originally they wanted me to stay at the clinic for at least a month, but I declined. I have no intention of staying there day and night.”

 

Surprised, Tommi arched an eyebrow. “Would that have been so terrible though? You would have had around the clock care.” He flinched involuntarily when Matthau looked frustrated at him, almost angry. “I only mean well.”

 

“I don’t need such care! I’m not mad! I can do this on my own! I’m strong enough!” The mere fact that Tommi had hinted at him being better off staying at the clinic infuriated him. “You have no faith in me at all, do you?”

 

Tommi raised his hands placatorily. “That’s not it, but I remember you literally crying out for help on the internet! I was merely wondering if…”

 

Matthau rose unexpectedly and pushed his chair away from the kitchen table. “I’ll do this on my own, do you hear me?” It didn’t register with him that he was yelling at Tommi. “I’m not some insane maniac!”

 

“Of course you’re not, but you *are* having a tough time staying sober.” Matthau’s aggressive reaction puzzled Tommi since there was no reason for it. “Please sit down. We’re merely discussing-”

 

“There’s nothing to discuss! I’ll do this on my own! I don’t need constant supervision! And when you go back to work tomorrow, I’ll prove that to you!”

 

Tommi suspected it was a bad moment to bring this up, but he had to. “I called Chris… You can stay with him during the day and at night you can-”

 

“You did what?” Matthau screamed at Tommi and glared at him menacingly. “You didn’t have the right to do that! He’s my brother and I’ll call if I need to talk to him!”

 

“But Matti, you need help and Chris and I…”

 

“Shut the fuck up!”

 

Tommi never saw the blow coming and a few seconds later he was tumbling backwards. The back of his head hit the floor hard and even without accident adding to injury, his head would have reeled at any rate since Matthau’s fist had hit bull’s eye. Matthau had struck him across his face, hitting his right eye and his temple painfully. In shock, Tommi raised his head to stare at Matthau.

 

Matthau’s face still showed his rage, but a moment later, the anger made way for disbelief and shock. “I…” He raised the arm he had struck Tommi with and shook his head. “I didn’t do that.” But he had. He had really hit Tommi!

 

Trying to catch his breath and compose himself again, Tommi slowly sat up. He was dizzy though. His face hurt as his temple throbbed and he felt nauseous as a sharp pain rose from the back of his head. His stomach revolted and he knew he was going to be sick. “Matti, I…” He held up his hand, hoping Matthau would pull him to his feet, but the younger man remained motionless, thunderstruck. In the end, Tommi had no other choice than to be sick on the kitchen floor.

 

Matthau had a hard time shaking himself from his stupor. He had lashed out at people before and hated himself for losing control. He would have loved to run out of the door and disappear, but he couldn’t leave Tommi behind. After all, he was responsible for the state the blond was in. “I’m so very sorry,” he whispered as he knelt beside Tommi and steadied him. “I lose control when I get angry.”

 

Tommi lifted his gaze and looked Matthau in the eye. “You need help, Matti. You really need some serious therapy.”

 

At that point, even Matthau had to admit that. “You’re right. Fuck, I’m so sorry for hitting you…” The area around Tommi’s eye was starting to swell and there would be some spectacular bruising. “You shouldn’t stay with me. I’ll hurt you again.”

 

Tommi drew in a deep breath and called upon his strength as he faced Matthau once more. “Get some help, Matti. You can’t continue this way.” His upper body swayed and he had to close his eyes to combat the fierce headache forming in the back of his head. “I need to lie down…”

 

Matthau, trying to make up for his mistake, carefully helped Tommi back to his feet and guided him into the bedroom and eased him onto the mattress. “I’ll clean up the kitchen and you… Try to rest…” He swallowed hard. He had fucked up again and all Tommi had tried to do was to make him see that he really needed help. He had lived in denial and it was time to wake up and face his problems. “Do I need to call a doctor?” Tommi had grown pale and was shaking like a leaf.

 

“Ei… I’ll be fine.” Tommi kept his eyes closed and buried deeper under the comforter when Matthau covered him with it.

 

“I really… I didn’t want to…” Tommi couldn’t see it because his eyes were still closed, but tears flowed down Matthau’s face. He had done this before – had hurt people because he couldn’t restrain himself. He couldn’t go on like that.

 

“I know you didn’t… It’s okay…” Tommi slowly turned onto his side, pulled his knees close to his chest, and slipped into sleep. Matthau patted his hair softly, but Tommi no longer noticed it.

 

“You’re right,” Matthau admitted. “I need help. I don’t want to hit you or anyone else for that matter ever again.” He made sure Tommi was resting comfortably and then went into the kitchen to clean it up. Tommi’s mobile phone had fallen to the floor during the impact and Matthau picked it up. Checking the lists of contacts, he selected his brother’s name and sent Chris a message, saying:

Please pick up Tommi. He had a little accident, but he’s asleep now. Please look after him. Matti.

 

After sending it, he placed the phone onto the nightstand and then sat down at the kitchen table to write Tommi a note.

 

You’re right. I need help. I finally get it and I’ll go to that clinic to get the therapy I need. Don’t worry about me. Just get better and resume your life. Forget about me!

Matti

 

He cleaned off the kitchen table and made sure the note was in full view so neither Tommi nor Chris would miss it. He put his coat and shoes on and left the apartment, determined to face his problems and fix them.

 

TBC

 

Part 6

Tears in a Vial

 

Please pick up Tommi. He had a little accident, but he’s asleep now. Please look after him. Matti.

 

The sentences ran continuously in Chris’ head. Just what kind of *little* accident had Tommi had? He knew Matthau’s tendency to lose control and lash out and was worried for a reason. Cursing the fact that he had lost his driver’s license, he was forced to take a taxi instead and rushed over to Matthau’s apartment. Once he had reached the front door, he pushed the doormat aside and used the key hidden beneath it to open the door. He stepped inside and gasped in surprise. The place was tidy? How was that possible?

 

Shaking his head in wonder, he made his way through the apartment in search of Tommi. He found the blond asleep in the bedroom and cringed as he looked at Tommi’s face. His suspicions had been right then that Tommi had had *that* kind of accident. Matthau had lost control again!

 

He sat down on the side of the bed and sighed. He had no idea what Tommi was doing there in the first place or why the blond had made his acquaintance with Matthau’s fist. There was a way to find out though...he had to wake Tommi.

 

Chris rested a hand on Tommi’s shoulder and carefully shook the blond. “We need to talk, Tommi. Wake up.” He noticed the way Tommi flinched beneath his touch and his features contorted with worry. He *really* had to know what had happened! Tommi’s blue eyes opened looking hazy. It was apparent that Tommi wasn’t feeling too well. “What happened?” Chris whispered even though he knew that Tommi was in pain. “Did Matti do that to you?” Stupid question! Who else could have done that to Tommi?

 

Tommi blinked. Were his eyes playing tricks on him? Was it Chris there when it should be Matthau sitting there?

 

“It’s me all right,” Chris remarked. “Matti sent me a message asking me to look after you. What happened? Your face…it’s swollen and bruised. Did Matti…?”

 

Tommi moistened his lips and tried to push himself upright. He only succeeded when Chris helped him. “Where’s… Matti?”

 

“He’s not here. I have no idea where he is.” Chris folded an arm around Tommi and helped the blond put his feet on the floor. “You look like hell.”

 

“I don’t feel…that great,” Tommi whispered and his attempt at a smile came out crooked so he grimaced instead. “We need to find… Matti. I’m afraid…he’ll…”

 

Chris shook his head though. “You can only help Matthau when he wants your help. If he turns stubborn, forget about it. At the moment, I’m more worried about you.” He cupped Tommi’s cheek with his hand. “Let me guess… You ran into his fist.”

 

“Something…like that.” Tommi closed his eyes tiredly. “I’m still…nauseous.” On top of that, he felt dizzy and his head hurt like hell. But he still worried about Matthau.

 

Chris considered what to do. He couldn’t leave Tommi there. It would be best to take Tommi to a doctor to find out how serious the injury was. Then, the blond would need care and that meant he either had to take Tommi home with him or deliver him to Jonne’s doorstep. He liked the second option best for it enabled him to look for Matthau and question him about what had happened. “You can’t stay here.”

 

Tommi sighed. “Can you…help me…get…home?” If it had been up to him, he would have stayed to wait for Matthau so they could talk, but he also realized that their conversation might end up with Matthau lashing out at him again. And that wasn’t an option in his current state.

 

Christus shook his head. “I don’t like that idea. Your pupils look funny and you look like you’ll faint at any moment. First, we’re going to see a doctor and then I’ll drop you off at Jonne’s place.”

 

“If we see a doctor then… I’d have to explain…everything… and I don’t feel up…to that.” Tommi’s eyes closed and he was forced to lean heavily against Chris.

 

“Tommi, you really need to have your injury looked at. You could be concussed.”

Tommi knew Christus had made a valid point. “But can you explain everything…? I’m not sure I can. My head is reeling.”

 

“Sure, I can do that. Now, stay here for a minute. I’m going to get your coat and shoes and then I’ll take you to the hospital.” Chris eased Tommi down onto the bed and unintentionally brushed the huge bump at the back of Tommi’s head. Tommi instantly hissed in pain and Chris’ face contorted. “I didn’t know…” He was about to apologize when he realized that Tommi had lost consciousness. From the pit of his stomach, anger rose. How could Matthau do this to Tommi? He was determined to find out *after* he had made sure Tommi was in good hands.

 

As he passed by the kitchen to get Tommi’s stuff, he noticed the note on the kitchen table. He picked it up and read it.

 

You’re right. I need help. I finally get it and I’ll go to that clinic to get the therapy I need. Don’t worry about me. Just get better and resume your life. Forget about me!

Matti

 

Okay, that answered the question on where Matthau had disappeared to. Hopefully something good had come out of it. He pocketed the note and then retrieved Tommi’s coat and shoes.

 

~~~

 

“Jonne, hurry up! Open the fucking door!” Chris kicked the door again. Tommi was heavy in his arms and he had been carrying the other man for several minutes already. It was important Tommi could lie down. The doctor working at the emergency room had advised him to wake Tommi each hour because the blond had suffered a concussion when the back of his head had hit the floor.

 

Jonne ran towards the front door and called out to Jack at the same time. “Make sure the kitten doesn’t get out!” The two of them had been playing with Musta when the doorbell had rung. He flung the door open, wondering who was visiting them, and froze on the spot as he saw Chris carrying Tommi. “What the…?” Concerned, he moved forward and checked Tommi over. He cringed when he noted the swelling and bruising. “Tommi!”

 

Chris quickly entered the apartment and headed for the couch in the living room which was nearest. “Your brother is heavy!” He lowered Tommi onto the couch and then collapsed onto a nearby chair.

 

Jack picked up the kitten and joined them. Wide-eyed he stared from Tommi to Chris. “What happened?”

 

Jonne knelt next to the couch and brushed Tommi’s hair away from his face to determine the amount of damage done to his brother’s face. “Someone beat him up!”

 

“Unfortunately for Tommi he ran into my brother’s fist. You know Matti’s temper… And Jonne, be careful! Tommi suffered a concussion. There’s a giant lump on the back of his head, and yes, I already took him to a doctor. You need to wake him every hour, just make sure he doesn’t get worse. Can you do that for me?”

 

Jonne nodded and swallowed hard. He was shocked to see his older brother in this condition. “Matti did that to him?” Jonne’s eyes were big like saucers. Carefully he turned Tommi onto his side and examined the lump at the back of his brother’s head. Although his touch was soft, Tommi groaned in pain. He didn’t wake up though.

 

“I’m afraid so. And the thing is...I have no idea what Tommi was doing at my brother’s place. Matti sent me a message, telling me to look after Tommi.” Chris pondered the situation. “I have to find Matti.”

 

Jonne nodded. “You do that and I’ll look after Tommi.”

 

Jack had collected a pillow and comforter and helped Jonne get Tommi more comfortable. Musta sat on the floor and watched them. “Do you have any idea where Matthau went to? If he’s this aggressive, he’s a danger to others.”

 

Chris showed them the note. “I hope he kept his word and went to get help.” He rose from his chair and embraced first Jack and then Jonne. “I’ll call the moment I know what’s going on. You two take good care of Tommi.” Christus left the apartment in search of his brother.

 

Jonne pulled a chair closer to the couch and sat down. He took hold of Tommi’s hand and rubbed the fingers. “At the shelter, I looked like that frequently, but I’ve never seen Tommi beat up.” Seeing Tommi in such a state caused his heart to contract painfully in his chest. “Why did Matti do this? Tommi would never… Tommi would never raise his hand against him!”

 

“I don’t know, babe.” Jack managed to squeeze himself onto the chair behind Jonne and wrapped his arms around the blond. “Chris will find out what happened when he finds Matti. In the meantime, we’ll make sure Tommi gets better.” Jonne pressed back against him and Jack rested his chin on his lover’s shoulder, holding him and offering the support Jonne needed.

 

~~~

 

Chris checked the clinic he knew Matthau went to for therapy first and got lucky right away. Matthau had been accepted as a patient and would be staying at the clinic for the next month. There was no chance that they were going to let him talk to his brother. At least not yet. Apparently, Matthau was behaving erratically and they wanted to observe him before allowing any visitors in. Realizing that he wouldn’t be allowed near Matthau, Christus left and found himself standing on the street, unsure on what do to or where to go. In the end, he uncovered his mobile phone and dialed Jack’s number.

 

“Japa here…We woke Tommi just now, just like you said we should and he was lucid. He closed his eyes again after that, but I think he’s merely asleep at this point.”

 

“Well done. Keep an eye on him and wake him again in one hour.” Christus started walking toward a little bistro. He went inside and ordered a beer. He really needed it! “I’ve found Matthau. He checked into the clinic. They won’t let me see him though – not yet. They want to monitor him first.”

 

“That’s understandable. So what are you going to do now?”

 

“I’m going home and seeing if I can calm down myself… This was a shock!”

 

“Want to come over for dinner tonight? Bring Juha! Then you can see how Tommi’s doing and we can discuss what has happened,” Jack suggested.

 

“I’ll do that… And if Tommi’s condition gets worse, let me know!” Christus ended the conversation and drank his beer, wondering how things could have gotten out of hand so fast.

 

~~~

 

“Jack! Tommi’s waking up!” Jonne moved closer and stretched out next to Tommi so he could study his brother’s eyes better. “Hei. I’m glad you decided to wake up by yourself! Saves us the trouble to wake you instead.”

 

Tommi moaned and his fingers twitched in Jonne’s hand. “Where’s…Matti?”

 

Jack had heard Tommi’s question too and sat down on the side of the bed. “He checked himself into a clinic. You don’t have to worry about him.”

 

“Tommi, what happened?” The first time Tommi had woken up, he hadn’t been able to tell them much – only that that he was in pain.

 

“Matti lost…his temper…I never saw it coming.” Tommi hissed as another wave of pain rolled over him emanating from the back of his head.

 

“I want a doctor to have another look at you,” Jack stated and when Tommi started to object, he added, “I’m doing it anyway so save yourself the effort!” Jack rose from the bed and went into the living room to make his call.

 

“Jack’s right,” Jonne whispered. “I know that you’ve already been to the hospital, but we’re worried.” He continued to rub Tommi’s fingers. Tommi managed to squeeze his and Jonne smiled weakly. “Try to rest. I’ll stay here and watch over you.” Draping an arm around Tommi’s waist, he moved closer toward his older brother. Tommi’s eyes closed and the older man quickly dozed off. Jonne remained alert and was ready to react should Tommi get worse.

 

~~~

 

The doctor had left after telling them to keep a close eye on Tommi and to continue to wake him every hour, and, while that should have reassured Jonne, it hadn’t. He remained on edge. Seated next to his older brother, he glanced at Jack and asked, “Did you manage to finally get through to Ville?” They had been trying to contact him for hours now.

 

“I left a text message on his mobile phone and a spoken one on Lauri’s. It’s only a matter of time before they notice it.” Jack sat down next to Jonne and tried to lift his lover’s spirit. “Maybe they’re having sex and don’t want to be disturbed,” he commented and wiggled an eyebrow.

 

“But then they have been at it for…” Jonne checked the time. “Three hours!” Grinning at Jack, he added, “In that case, we’re definitely doing something wrong and I want our sex to last that long too!”

 

Jack was about to reply when his phone rang. Quickly, he marched into the living room to answer it since he didn’t want Tommi to wake up because of the noise.

 

“Jack, what’s going on? I just got your message!” Ville sounded worried.

 

“Tommi ran into a fist and he’s got some really interesting bruising on his face and giant lump on the back of his head. The doctor diagnosed a concussion as well. Can you come over? Jonne would like to have you close right now. He’s rather upset.”

 

“Tommi got hurt?”

 

“Yes, he got hurt, so move your ass over here… Hurry!”

 

“I’ll be right there!” Ville was already on his way out of the door, dragging an unsuspecting Lauri with him.

 

~~~

 

Ville couldn’t believe his eyes. Tommi was *really* hurt and yes, the bruising made him flinch. “That looks bad.” He stood next to the bed and held Jonne’s hand, who had wrapped an arm around his waist. Jack and Lauri were in the living room giving them some privacy.

 

“The doctor said he’d be okay, but it would take a few days for him to recover.” Jonne squeezed Ville’s fingers tightly. “It’s really strange to see him this way. I’ve never seen him hurt before… You?”

 

“Me neither.” Ville sighed. “And Matthau did this to him? Damn!”

 

“At least Matthau checked himself into that clinic and is getting help…” Jonne led Ville into the living room so Tommi could continue to sleep. He would keep an eye on his older brother every fifteen minutes though.

 

Lauri immediately walked over to Ville and asked, “How’s Tommi?”

 

“He looks bad.” Ville went into Lauri’s arms and pressed himself against the older man.

 

Lauri embraced him tightly. “He’ll be fine… In a few days, he’ll be as good as new.”

 

Ville sighed and hoped Lauri was right. It hurt to see Tommi like that.

 

~~~

 

A flashing pain sliced through his head as Tommi opened his eyes. He had thought he could risk it, but quickly realized that it had been a grave mistake. Light hurt his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and rode out the wave of pain that still rolled in his head.

 

“Tommi?”

 

Tommi cringed. Although his name had only been whispered, the noise still hurt his ears. He had identified Jonne’s voice though. “Hurts,” he managed.

 

“Yes, the doctor told us you might be in pain. He left some painkillers for you. I dissolved it in water. Can you drink some for me?” With Ville’s help from the other side on the bed, Jonne managed to get Tommi into an upright position. The two brothers exchanged a worried look. They had never seen Tommi this bad.

 

Tommi managed a few gulps of the water, but then pushed the glass away. “Enough… or I’ll get sick again…”

 

Jonne was relieved that Tommi was coherent again and talking. “How bad do you feel?” he asked as he eased Tommi into Ville’s arms.

 

“Bad.” Carefully, Tommi peeked at Jonne from through half-closed eyelids. “Last thing I remember…is Chris.”

 

Jonne nodded. “He brought you here.” Jonne swallowed nervously. “Tommi, I… I never… I never saw you like this… I’m worried…”

 

“It was…an accident. Matti lost his…temper.” Tommi reached for the drink once more and managed a few more mouthfuls. “Where…is he…now?” he asked again, having forgotten Jack’s earlier answer.

 

“In a clinic. He left a note saying that he understood that he needed help.” Jonne finally managed to make eye contact. “You’re staying here, you hear me? Chris said you wanted to go home, but I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

 

“You’ll have to call work and tell them that I’m ill and I…can’t come in.”

 

Jonne nodded again. “I’ll give them a call. I’m glad you realize yourself that you can’t leave the bed yet. I was afraid that I’d have to tie you down to keep you from going to work!”

 

“Don’t worry. I’m not going…anywhere…” Tommi finally noted that someone was holding him and carefully looked a bit over his shoulder to find out who it was. “Ville?” What was his youngest brother doing there?

 

“Jonne called me and I rushed over here.” Ville smiled nervously at Tommi. “Don’t let something happen like that again, okay? You scared me!”

 

Tommi closed his eyes again. The painkiller was starting to work, but the core of the pain remained.

 

Ville looked at Jonne. “I want to stay with him a little longer… I want to hold him like this.”

 

Jonne nodded. “I’ll check on the both of you in an hour, all right? If you need something, call me.” He pressed a kiss to Ville’s brow and then left the bedroom. As he stepped into the living room, two pair of curious eyes met his. “Tommi woke briefly enough to manage to drink some of the medicine. Ville’s staying with him.” He gazed compassionately at Lauri. “The couch is comfortable though.”

 

Lauri cringed. “I can’t stay unfortunately. Someone has to feed the cats.”

 

Jonne sighed in understanding. “But you’ll be back first thing in the morning?”

 

“Sure.” Lauri walked over to the doorway and then went into the bedroom.

 

Jonne went into Jack’s arms and sat down on the couch with him. “Tommi will be fine in the end. It’ll just take him a few days to recover.”

 

Jack heard something else as well. “But…?”

 

“This changed something between the three of us. Neither Ville nor I ever thought that Tommi might need us like this.” Jonne frowned. “I never thought Tommi…” He searched for the right words, but had a tough time finding them. Jack seemed to understand however and tightened his hold. Jonne gave up and closed his eyes while resting his head against Jack’s shoulder and felt grateful that his lover understood without him having to say the exact words.

 

~~~

 

Mikko found Antti in the living room when he returned from work around midnight. He was glad that he had listened to Antti and had taken the job. His co-workers were easy to get along with and Jussi very laid-back.

 

Antti looked up from playing the bass guitar and grinned at Mikko. “Hungry?”

 

Mikko followed the direction of Antti’s gaze and nodded eagerly. There was a salad on the coffee table and sandwiches next to it. “I expected I’d have to order pizza.” He sat down and started munching. “I’ve been eating surprisingly healthily since I moved in with you!” Except for the potato chips, he’d had healthy meals like now.

 

Antti shrugged. “I always have greens and fruit in the house because of Vihtori.” He placed the instrument aside and sat down next to Mikko on the couch. He had been doing some thinking – which was a lot easier when Mikko wasn’t around – and had reached a conclusion. Now he had to find the right way to tell Mikko. Mikko made that a lot easier on him by snuggling up to him after he had finished his sandwich. Patting Mikko’s hair, Antti tried to find the right opening line.

 

“You’re quiet. What’s on your mind?” Mikko raised his head and studied Antti.

 

Antti drew in a deep breath and then whispered, “I want to make love with you.”

 

Mikko’s breath caught. He should have expected that. The sexual tension between them had increased since that night. “I want that too.” He raised his hand and caressed Antti’s face.

 

“Do you think you’re ready for that? I don’t want to pressure you and if you need more time…”

 

Mikko cut Antti short. “I’ve had enough time and I want this too. You don’t think you’re the only one craving this, do you? Because if that’s the case, you’re wrong…” Mikko nibbled on his bottom lip. “Just be careful with me, okay? Except for that one time, my experience with guys is rather…limited.”

 

Antti nodded and rose from the couch. “Let’s go into the bedroom. My bed is way more comfortable than this couch.”

 

Feeling shy, Mikko followed the other redhead and then remained standing near the bed when Antti deserted him to put a CD into the player. A grin surfaced on his face when he realized that it was the “Ballads and love songs’ CD. Apparently the other man wanted to set a romantic mood and Mikko was thankful for that. He *did* feel rather nervous. He *knew* this had been coming, but now that the moment had arrived, he was still surprised.

 

“There’s no need to be tense,” Antti whispered as his hands busied themselves with removing Mikko’s shirt. Once the fabric was gone, he relished feeling bare skin beneath his fingertips. Pressing his lips against Mikko’s throat, he started to kiss a trail toward the other man’s sternum. His fingers encountered two hard nipples and he teased them further, pinching them between his thumb and finger. “Why don’t you make yourself comfortable on the bed?”

 

Antti pushed Mikko onto the bed and the other redhead gazed at him expectantly, yet nervously. “Those pants, no matter how good they set off your ass, have to go.” Kneeling on the floor, he unzipped the red pants and then slid them down Mikko’s legs along with the underwear. Once he had Mikko naked and at his mercy, he sighed appreciatively.

 

Mikko swallowed nervously. He wanted to do something too, but somehow felt frozen. After a long moment of composing himself, he whispered, “But you’re still wearing too much.”

 

“Don’t be impatient… There’s no need to hurry. I want to touch you first…” Running his hands down Mikko’s chest, Antti stroked the other redhead’s abdomen and caressed his thighs, all the while blatantly ignoring Mikko’s arousal. He was determined to make this last.

 

Mikko closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip. The fact that Antti refused to touch his cock was driving him insane and they had only just started! “Don’t tease me like that,” he whispered and raised his head so he could make eye contact.

 

Antti took pity on Mikko and curled his fingers around the hard flesh. He stroked slowly without exercising much pressure and managed to unbutton his jeans with his other hand. Letting go of Mikko briefly, he quickly did away with his T-shirt and jeans then returned to his kneeling position on the floor. He parted Mikko’s legs, moved closer, and closed his lips around the purple head.

 

Mikko cried out in surprise. “Antti!” When he had said yes to this, he’d had no idea what plans Antti had, but for some reason Antti taking this so slow and pleasuring him like this had not been what he had thought would happen. He wasn’t complaining though. Antti quickly had him panting and lifting his hips to thrust into that hot mouth.

 

Antti grinned and placed his hands on Mikko’s hips to keep him in place. “You don’t want to come before the fun has really started, do you?” he inquired teasingly. The mere sight of Mikko blushing with a look of longing while his cock stood at attention had Antti drooling.

 

“Antti, whatever your plans are…have mercy on me!” Mikko reached for the other redhead, but Antti quickly moved away.

 

“Patience’s a virtue,” he quoted as he reached for the condom.

 

“Antti, if you don’t stop teasing me and…” Mikko’s eyes widened as he watched Antti tear the foil and remove the condom. “Make me come, all right?”

 

“I will…” Antti took a moment to memorize the way Mikko looked that very moment. “You’re…” He lacked the right words to describe the emotions running through him at seeing the other redhead in such obvious want. Antti moved closer and rolled the condom down Mikko’s length.

 

Surprised at the move, Mikko blinked. “But I thought…”

 

“You told me to be careful with you,” Antti whispered as he crawled onto Mikko’s lap. “Did you really think I would want our first time ruined by you being too nervous to enjoy this?” He smeared some of the lube onto Mikko’s cock and then raised himself. Twining his fingers with Mikko’s, he positioned himself and then lowered down onto the other redhead with a sigh as he sank home.

 

Mikko’s mouth went dry at the sight and he squeezed Antti’s fingers tightly. Antti’s brow was knitted in concentration and Mikko had to focus as well to not come prematurely. Antti was tight and so warm around him that he almost climaxed right then.

 

Antti settled on Mikko’s lap and then leaned forward so he could claim Mikko’s lips in a kiss. He didn’t move yet though as he sensed how close his boyfriend was to the edge. “Take some deep breaths,” he advised and nibbled on Mikko’s earlobe.

 

Mikko followed Antti’s advice and calmed down, although the pressure remained intense. This *was* his first time with a man like this! “Antti, I think we can…move…”

 

Antti nodded. He had reached the same conclusion as Mikko’s breathing evened out. “I hope you’ll enjoy this.” He grinned wickedly and circled his hips. Mikko cried out, closed his eyes, and bit hard on his bottom lip. Antti loved drawing such reactions from the other redhead and slowly started to ride his boyfriend. “Hey, look at me…”

 

Mikko, although lost in a daze of lust, registered the request and opened his eyes to look at Antti. “This is…amazing. I…”

 

Antti merely nodded as he sensed how overwhelmed Mikko was. Riding his boyfriend, he freed his hands of Mikko’s tight hold. One traveled toward his groin to stroke his cock so he could reach orgasm at the same moment Mikko did. The other he placed against Mikko’s chest to steady himself. It took Mikko a few moments to catch on, but then the other man thrust upwards and moved with him while hitting his prostate.

 

Antti leaned in closer and kissed Mikko. There was no way he could draw this out any longer and surrendered. Climaxing, he panted Mikko’s name and collapsed on top of him.

 

Antti’s inner muscles tightened around him and sent Mikko over the edge. A few seconds later, he found release as well and buried his head in Antti’s shoulder, panting hard. Mikko wrapped his arms around Antti and held him tight, savoring the last moments that they were still connected so intimately.

 

In the end, Antti had no other choice than to slide off of Mikko and lay down on his side so he could watch the play of emotions on his boyfriend’s face. He quickly did away with the condom and then licked Mikko’s belly clean.

 

Mikko watched him, wide-eyed. He had never had sex like that before and had loved it! He blinked when he heard Antti purr into his ear and rubbed the other man’s back as he pulled Antti even closer to him. He wanted to say so many things, wanted to thank Antti for the great sex they’d just had, but for some reason the words wouldn’t come to him. All he could do was stare at Antti with a silly, but sated grin on his lips.

 

Antti understood though and grinned in turn. “It’s okay. I understand,” he murmured reassuringly as his fingertips drew patterns on Mikko’s chest. Judging that he had said enough, he rested his head against Mikko’s shoulder and smiled. He’d finally accomplished what he had set out to do. Mikko was in his bed, they had made love, and he had finally found himself a new boyfriend!

 

The end (for now)