Title: The Heart of Everything

Sequel to Storm in your Heart

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Pairings: Jack (Private Line) / Jonne (Negative)

Ville (Flinch) / Lauri (Negative)

Sir Christus (Negative) /Juha (Reflexion)

Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jack and Jonne settle down. Ville and Lauri explore deeper into their relationship and Chris takes a major step towards healing old hurt.

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money out of these stories!

Warning: Real Person Slash.

Betaed by DA. All remaining mistakes are mine.

The Heart of Everything

Part 1

Sowing the seeds of love

Lauri made it back to their dressing room and removed his jeans, the only clothing that he was still wearing. He had already done away with his vest during the gig. Looking forward to a long, hot shower, he cast a glance at Ville, who was shuffling his feet nervously. Apparently Tommi’s statement that they should be having sex had embarrassed Ville. “He didn’t mean it like that. He was only goofing around.” Since he hadn’t bothered with underwear, he was naked once he had stepped out of his jeans and instantly noticed Ville glancing at him shyly. “Want to join me?” He raised his arm and smiled reassuringly at Ville. “You can do my back.”

Ville wasn’t sure what he wanted at that moment. Sure, he would like to touch Lauri more intimately, but at the same time he worried that his inexperience would show.

“I won’t eat you,” Lauri said and grinned. “Not if you don’t want me to.” It hadn’t been his intention to make Ville blush. He had hoped his remark would make Ville grin and relax him, but apparently not as Ville grew flustered and was eyeing the doorway eagerly. “I’ll behave,” he promised, hoping it would help Ville make up his mind.

After a moment’s hesitation, Ville nodded and removed his shirt and pants. Once he was naked, he fought the urge to cover his private parts and glanced at Lauri shyly. Although the older man had seen him naked before, he still felt nervous. Lauri extended his hand once more and this time Ville took it. He followed Lauri into the shower cabin and found himself staring at the floor, not wanting to pry.

“It’s okay to feel shy,” Lauri stated as he turned on the hot water. “But I want you to know that you have no reason to feel embarrassed.” Nuzzling Ville’s throat, he pushed against the sensitive skin until the younger man raised his head and looked at him. “I love you just the way you are.”

Ville drew in a deep breath and then slowly released it. “It just takes a little time,” he explained. “I’m rather shy.”

Lauri nodded. “I already figured that out.” He rested his hands on Ville’s hips and pulled him close to kiss him. Guiding Ville’s arms around him, he deepened the kiss and waited for his boyfriend to relax. Ville’s nervousness caused him to tense though once they were in such close contact. The hot water dripped down their bodies and warmed them and Ville inched closer as Lauri stroked his quivering back. Ville was growing aroused and Lauri grinned as he surmised that in spite of the younger man being nervous, Ville really wanted him. “Are you okay with this?” he asked as he curled his fingers around Ville’s length.

Ville swallowed hard and then nodded. He had jerked off alone for so long that it felt odd to have someone do it for him. “Very okay.” He rested his head on Lauri’s shoulder and groaned. He knew he should be returning the favor, but he was too lost in sensation to actually stroke Lauri in turn.

“Maybe this will feel even better.” Lauri left a trail of kiss down Ville’s chest as he knelt on the shower stall’s floor. Nuzzling Ville’s groin, he licked across the head while stroking the younger man’s back.

Ville’s mouth went dry and he bit on his bottom lip when Lauri licked down his length. He quickly placed his hands on Lauri’s shoulders to steady himself and threw back his head, moaning pitifully as Lauri took in his length. One of his former boyfriends had gone down on him, but Lauri was way more experienced and the lust that spiraled through him was something Ville had never felt before. Without realizing what he was doing, he started thrusting.

Lauri let him, adjusting his moves to Ville’s. Sliding one hand up and over Ville’s thigh, he rested it on a buttock, massaging the firm flesh. Peeking at Ville’s face, he saw that his boyfriend had closed his eyes and was lost in the throes of his impending orgasm. He reckoned Ville would climax soon and when Ville tensed up, he replaced his mouth with his hand and stroked firmly.

Ville swayed and then climaxed all over Lauri’s hand. He tried to keep himself balanced and leaned heavily against the older man, who quickly rose from the floor to enfold him in a hug. With eyes still glazed from bliss, he cocked his head and stared dreamily at Lauri.

Lauri’s heart missed a beat. “I don’t think I’ve seen anything so beautiful than when you climaxed just now!” Pulling Ville close to him, he moved them closer to the spray and waited for Ville to compose himself again. The younger man trembled against him and then raised his head. The sated look that focused on him made Lauri’s heart beat faster. “You’re sexy,” he whispered and kissed Ville on the lips.

Ville managed a lazy smile. “That felt good.” Good was definitely an understatement, but his brain refused to work properly and good was all he was able to come up with. “But what about you?” Lauri’s erection pressed against his thigh. He wasn’t sure he was ready to return the favor.

Lauri saw the insecurity in Ville’s eyes and said, “Don’t ever do something you’re not comfortable with.” He guided Ville’s hand to his groin instead. “Kiss me.”

Ville eagerly obeyed and his tongue slid inside Lauri’s mouth to meet its counterpart. Lauri moved until his back rested against the stall tiles to support himself. Deepening the kiss, he squeezed Ville’s butt and the younger man stroked more firmly. “Ah yes, like that…” Lauri rested his head against the tiles and Ville’s lips moved down the older man’s throat, biting and licking his way down to the shoulder.

Unable to stop himself, Lauri thrust into Ville’s hand. Together with the biting and licking Ville was doing, he climaxed quickly. Panting, he grinned at his boyfriend happily. “It’s a good thing we’re already taking a shower!”

Ville returned the grin and then claimed Lauri’s lips again. Yes, this was way better than getting drunk at an after show party!

~~~

Jonne would have disagreed with his brother. He was drinking his tenth glass of vodka mixed with orange juice and was definitely starting to feel tipsy.

It was a good thing that Jack had decided to stick to beer so he could keep an eye on the blond. It was obvious that a giant weight had been lifted from Jonne’s shoulders. The way Jonne acted around him now was different, Jack noticed. Jonne had become even more attached to him and touched him all the time, ranging from brushing his fingertips to kneading his ass. While Jack liked being the center of attention, he thought it wise to return to the bus where they would have more privacy.

Luckily for Jack, Jonne was easily convinced and happily folded an arm around the guitarist for some much needed support. With Jonne swaying on his feet, they made their way to the tour bus, which was empty. Jack guided Jonne to one of the bunks and helped his lover to lie down. “You’re drunk,” he commented in bemusement.

Jonne giggled. “It appears to be that way!” He slung an arm around Jack’s neck and pulled him onto the bunk with him. The space was cramped, but Jack wouldn’t have been able to move about much at any rate when Jonne wrapped his arms and legs around him.

“Are you afraid I might leave?” Jack quipped. Jonne surprisingly gazed at him in concern and then nodded. “Hey, I’m not leaving you! Certainly not in your current state!”

“I love you,” Jonne whispered and smiled blindingly at Jack. “I really, really love you!”

Japa grinned from ear to ear. “That’s always good to hear. Does wonders for my ego.” Jonne unexpectedly swatted him. “What?” he asked, feeling confused.

“You’re supposed to tell me you love me too!” Jonne pouted.

“Oh, you’re quite feisty when you’re drunk, aren’t you?” Jack continued to grin like mad though. “I love you too, so you can stop pouting.”

“That doesn’t count!” Jonne told him. “You only told me because I said I expected you to!”

“Feisty and exhausting! Remind me to keep you away from any vodka!” Jonne started to pout in earnest. “Forget it, babe. I didn’t mean that. I love you just the way you are, even when you’re drunk and pouting.” The statement made Jonne smile and he happily cuddled up to him.

“It was a good show, wasn’t it?”

Jonne suddenly sounded sober and Jack realized he had been had. Jonne wasn’t nearly as drunk as he had acted. “Yes, it was a good show and you’re getting better at fooling me. I really thought you were drunk.”

“I don’t get drunk from so little vodka! I can drink lots, if I want to, but I seldom do these days. You know...because of Ville.” He had indulged himself that night though. He had needed to let go. “What are your plans?” he asked while searching Jack’s face. “Are you going back to Helsinki?”

“I might have to go to Helsinki for a few days.” Jack studied Jonne thoughtfully. “I’ve been thinking about moving to Tampere.” He wondered why Jonne looked so surprised at that. “Didn’t you expect something like that? It’s impractical living in two different cities.”

“I didn’t think you’d actually move!” Jack had surprised him.

“Living in Tampere would be much more practical. I want to be close to you and I can even see Chris more often. There’re only advantages as far as I’m concerned.”

“And what about your band? Sammy?”

“It’s only a two hour drive to Helsinki and when I’m lazy I can take the train. I don’t see any problems with that. Our gigs are all around the country at any rate!” Searching Jonne’s expression, he realized that the blond was really surprised that he would move to Tampere in order to be with him. “Hey, I love you!”

Jonne smiled shyly. “I didn’t know you loved me that much.”

“Oh, you really are a fool!” Japa ruffled the blond hair. “I want to be with you.”

“Same goes for me.” Jonne inched closer and claimed Jack’s lips in a sweet kiss.

~~~

“Ei! I’m not playing spin the bottle with you!” Christus was putting his foot down. So far Antti had managed to convince Reiska, Mikko, Sammy, Spit, Snack, and Eliaz to play with him, but Christus refused to be added to that list. He still remembered the last time he had played and the embarrassing things Antti had made him do. “You’ve enough of an audience!”

“We can play a round,” Juha pointed out with a shrug. “We can always get out again.”

“Ei!” Christus pulled Juha away from the group that was settling down on the floor amidst all the empty bottles. “Trust me you don’t want to do that!”

Juha allowed Christus to pull him into the open and then followed the guitarist to the tour bus. “That bad?”

“Once he gets a hold of you he won’t let you go for the next few hours!” Christus opened the door and climbed the stairs. It was quiet in the bus, but at the back he saw light and movement. Damn, he had hoped they would be alone in there! “Who’s there?” A blond head popped out from beneath something black and Christus knew who had beaten him to the bus.

“It’s just us…” Jonne waved at Christus and then he made out Juha’s red hair behind the guitarist. “We were here first.”

“We won’t disturb you while you make out!” Juha sat down and rested his head back. “When will we drive home? Tonight?”

“In about an hour, I guess.” Jonne knew the way Tommi’s mind worked. “We always get some time to eat, drink, and relax before we start traveling again.”

“In that case, I’m staying where I am!” Juha closed his eyes. It had been a long day, but he was happy with the outcome.

Christus felt disappointed though. He had wanted to be alone with Juha!

~~~

Christus got his chance to be alone with Juha a few hours later when the bus dropped them off at the guitarist’s apartment. It was already four in the morning, and both men dragged their feet as they climbed the stairs to Christus’ front door. They were tired and dropped their luggage in the corridor. Christus took Juha’s hand and pulled him into the bedroom. They were finally alone and too tired to actually make good use of it.

With their clothes still on, they let themselves fall on the bed, snuggled up, and closed their eyes, dozing off.

~~~

“Jack? I’m heading for my own place. Will you look after Jonne tonight?” Tommi checked on his brother, who had fallen asleep sometime during their trip. “Ville went home with Lauri, so it’ll be just the two of you. If something happens, call me.”

Jack nodded. “I’ll take care of him. He’s out of it at any rate.” He lifted Jonne in his arms and carried him out of the bus. “Can you open the doors for me?”

Tommi unlocked the doors and switched on the lights in the apartment. “Jack? A word of warning… His nightmares are back. Last night he suffered from them too.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Jack promised as he placed Jonne in the center of the bed.

Tommi knew that Jonne was in good hands with Jack. He collected his stuff which had accumulated over the last few weeks there, put everything into a bag, and then returned to the bus which would drop him off at home.

Jack removed Jonne’s clothes. He expected Jonne to wake up, but the blond remained asleep and, once he was naked, cuddled up to a pillow. Jack tucked the comforter around Jonne’s form and then went into the living room. He switched on the computer, removed his sneakers, and stretched his body. He would join Jonne in a moment, but first he wanted to check on something. Fortunately for Jack, cookies enabled him to log into several sites and eventually he found what he had been looking for: Youtube. Maybe it was still too early, but he was curious and typed in à Jonne, Jack, kiss.

The next moment a video appeared of the kiss they had shared during ‘Touchless’. Oh, how he loved the internet. It was a good quality video and he watched Jonne closely the moment the blond registered his presence on stage. It wouldn’t take long for the staff at Jonne’s record company to find the video. Knowing Tommi the way he did by now, Jack suspected the manager would bring the show up the first chance he got.

Jack removed his clothes, dropped them on the floor, and then went into the bathroom. It didn’t happen often that he was actually awake enough to remove his make-up and brush his teeth before climbing into bed!

Yawning, Jack crawled into bed next to Jonne and pulled the blond into his arms. “Sleep tight,” he whispered and kissed Jonne’s brow. A minute later, Jack was also fast asleep.

~~~

Jack woke when Jonne started talking in his sleep. He couldn’t make out the words, but the blond’s contorted features told him that something was wrong. “Hey, don’t do this to yourself. There’s no need for nightmares. I’m here with you. You’re safe.” He stroked Jonne’s hair and continued to talk soothingly while switching the lamp on the nightstand on. “You’re home in your bed in my arms.”

Jonne’s eyelids fluttered and then opened. At first, he felt disorientated, but Jack’s voice *had* registered with him and had helped him wake up calmly instead of fighting off an imaginary attacker. It was only Jack holding him. He was safe.

“Another bad dream?”

Jonne nodded and closed his eyes again, enjoying the way Jack stroked his hair.

“The same one as the last time? About Lauri…?”

Jonne nodded a second time. “It’ll take some time for them to go away.”

Jack hoped Jonne would take it the right way when he made a suggestion. “How about seeing someone about those nightmares? A therapist perhaps?”

“I already saw one when it happened… I might have to call him again and set up a meeting.” Jonne pulled the comforter up over his shoulders.

“Are you cold?” Jack pulled Jonne closer and wrapped himself about the blond. “Was that just because of Lauri, or…?”

“Other things happened as well, but… not now, okay? If I have to talk about them, there’s no way I will go back to sleep.”

“Do you think you *can* go back to sleep?” Jack seldom suffered from nightmares, but the few times he had, he had been unable to go back to sleep and had ended up watching television or listening to music instead.

“I usually pretend I’m asleep when Tommi’s holding me. He needs his sleep…”

Jack moistened his lips. “We can listen to some music, if you like.”

“I don’t want you having to stay up because of me.”

Jonne’s big blue eyes bore into Jack’s soul. “I’m awake now anyway. I’ll be right back. I think I’ve got the right music to help you relax!” Jack got out of bed, went into the living room, and searched his bag until he had found the CD he had been looking for. He returned to the bedroom, feeling Jonne’s gaze upon him. He inserted the CD into the player and then got into bed again. Pulling Jonne into his arms, he kissed the blond hair. A moment later, the soothing sounds of raindrops hitting the window filled the room and a soft breeze seemed to blow all of a sudden.

Jonne smiled. “That’s nice.”

“I love my band mates, but sometimes they’re too much and then I need to relax. That CD usually does the trick. Sammy made fun of me when he found out what I was listening to!” Jack explained.

“I like it.” Jonne snuggled closer. “And I love you for wanting to move to Tampere.”

“Finding an apartment here won’t be a problem and I’ll sell my old one in Helsinki. I’ll try to find something close to your place.”

“And since our bands will go on tour together, we’ll spend each evening together anyways!” That thought soothed Jonne. He was actually looking forward to touring again! Japa continued to stroke his hair and, together with the relaxing music, it did the trick and helped him doze off again.

Jack heard Jonne’s breathing deepen and even out. He was much too awake to go back to sleep, but he didn’t mind since he relished holding Jonne in his arms. He had much to think about. So many things had happened during the festival and he had to sort everything out.

~~~

The next morning Tommi got an early call just as he had expected he would. It was his boss, demanding to see him in the office to discuss the previous night’s gig. Apparently someone had shown him some footage on Youtube and he was demanding an explanation. He’ll get one, Tommi thought, and if he can’t accept this and move on, then I’ll find us a new label!

~~~

Lauri wanted to spoil Ville for a change, so he had made breakfast, doing his best to make it a good one! While Ville had still been asleep, he had gone to the bakery to buy buns and croissants. He had made coffee, squeezed some oranges which he had bought at the supermarket, and hoped Ville would like the things he had prepared. He wanted to show the younger man how much he appreciated having him in his life.

He was about to put everything on a tray when Ville unexpectedly shuffled into the kitchen with his eyes half open as he yawned.

“Hei, I smell coffee! I need some!” Ville blinked before his eyes widened as he realized that he had spoiled Lauri’s surprise. “Uhm, you probably wanted me to stay in bed and not in the kitchen, am I right?” Lauri nodded, looking crestfallen. “You made me breakfast!” Ville squealed in delight.

“That was the idea,” Lauri confirmed. “I wanted to make it breakfast in bed for you, but…”

“Oh, just give me a minute!” Ville turned and marched right back into the bedroom. He slipped between the covers, closed his eyes, and pretended he was still asleep.

Lauri entered the bedroom and grinned as he found Ville ‘sleeping’ again. He appreciated the effort the younger man was making and sat down on the side of the bed. “Hei, wake up. I made breakfast.” Amused, he watched Ville blink first before opening his eyes and looking at him in surprise. “Are you hungry?”

Ville sat up, pushed a pillow against the headboard, and searched the contents of the tray. “I love croissants, especially topped with strawberry marmalade.” He gazed dotingly at Lauri and then bit a chunk of the croissant the older man offered him. “I could also do with some coffee.”

“Milk and sugar?” Lauri asked.

“Milk only.” Ville wrapped his fingers around the mug and sipped. “This is a nice thing for you to do.” Eying Lauri closely, he wondered what he had done to deserve such pampering.

“I just wanted to show you how much I like having you about and taking care of me.” Lauri blushed. “It’s not something I’m used to and I like it.”

Ville sipped. “You *do* realize that I’m spending more time here than at home?”

Lauri nodded. “I like it that way.” He moved closer to Ville, stretched his legs out, and picked up his mug after adding spoonfuls of milk and sugar to it. “It’s the first time that I feel safe… wanted in a relationship and I have to thank you for that.”

Ville grew flustered too. “The same goes for me. I feel comfortable around you and I love spending time with you. We’re good for each other, don’t you think so?”

Lauri nodded. “I just hope that I won’t do anything to ruin our relationship.” It was his worst fear of somehow hurting Ville and driving him away.

“If something like that ever happens, then we’ll talk,” Ville said, reassuring Lauri. “Don’t worry. You can’t drive me off that easily!”

Ville’s comment assured Lauri somewhat, but in his heart his fears remained.

~~~

“What are you doing?” Jonne, dressed in only his Muppets shirt and black boxers, approached Jack, who was watching something on the computer. Since Jack was sitting facing the computer, Jonne couldn’t see his face.

“You have no idea just how many videos are online featuring yesterday’s gig.”

Jonne’s eyes widened. “What are you saying?” He pulled up a chair and sat down next to Jack. He could barely believe his eyes when he watched Jack and him dance and kiss. “Are you telling me that’s online for the whole world to see?” If that was the case, Tommi’s boss would have been alerted as well. “Can’t we remove it?”

“Why would you want to do that? Just have a look at the comments… Wait, let’s start with…” Jack didn’t finish his sentence as he concentrated on finding the video he wanted. “Here, this was the first time you kissed Chris. Look at the comments.” Scrolling down, he showed them to Jonne.

Jonne couldn’t believe it. Everyone who had left a comment seemed to love the fact that he had kissed Christus like that and that he was wearing his old outfit again. “They’re mad!”

“Ei, they simply have good taste!” Japa then showed Jonne the comments left with the video where Jonne was kissing Lauri and then he surfed to the video of Jonne and him dancing and kissing. “They seem to love that one best.”

Scanning the comments, and there were already about a hundred of them, Jonne shook his head in disbelief. The people were speculating what Jack had done at the gig and why he had kissed Jonne. “I hardly ever go online. It’s Ville’s computer.” He had no idea these videos were so easily available. What else could be found on the web? “Any reviews of the gig yet?” He bit his fingernails, nervously awaiting his doom. His fans might be ecstatic about the gig, but he doubted his critics would see it the same way. A moment later, the first article showed up on screen and Jonne mouthed the words along as he read.

‘Yesterday’s biggest surprise was Negative. I expected the same show that they had delivered during the last few months, but thankfully they’d changed their performance. What we saw on stage yesterday was glam rock like only Jonne and Christus can pull off. The kissing is back and we even got a surprise performance from Jack Smack from Private Line. He appeared on stage when Jonne appeared too emotional to continue ‘Touchless’, a song which the band has never performed live before. It remains uncertain how much of their dancing and kissing was mere show, but they have been seen holding hands backstage. To cut a long story short, Negative is back and the girls are screaming louder than ever before!’

“That’s a good review, don’t you think so?” Jack accessed the Private Line forum and then opened the thread dealing with the festival gig. Again, all he found were enthusiastic entries. “Want me to satisfy their curiosity?”

Jonne didn’t understand what Jack was asking him at first, but then his lover showed him the questions their fans were asking. They wanted to know if the kiss had been real and if the two of them were together. “Japa, what if…”

“Fuck the label,” Jack interrupted firmly. “Do you want them to know or not?”

“I want the whole world to know, but I’m scared of the consequences.”

“All right. Since you want the world to know, I’ll tell them!”Jack declared and then logged in. Hitting reply, he wrote:

‘Yes, it’s true! Jonne and I have been together for some weeks now and we’re very happy. What happened last night wasn’t staged. It’s true. We’re in love!

‘Jack’

And then, to Jonne’s horror, he really hit send. “But you can’t do that! Do you know how fast that will spread? That way everyone will know!”

“That’s the idea, isn’t it?” Jack turned to face Jonne and embraced him. “We’re not going to hide from the world and we’re not going to lie either. Let them know we’re in love! Together, we stand strong and we can take everything they throw at us!”

“But what if it costs Negative its contract? What if…” Jack silenced him with a kiss. Jonne allowed it for a moment and then tried again. “Jack, you have no idea how much trouble Tommi…” Japa’s lips returned to claim his and Jonne sighed. He stood no chance of finishing a sentence this way!

“Tommi will get them to relax their rules. I’ve faith in him.” Tommi struck him as a very able manager. “Let’s wait until he contacts us before you panic?”

“I’m already panicking,” Jonne admitted. He desperately needed to know if the band would lose their contract or not!

~~~

Tommi felt accomplished when he left his office two hours later. It had taken a lot of talking, sucking up on his part, and confusing them with statistics, but in the end, the managers had relented and they had accepted things. Tommi reached for his mobile phone and called Jonne, knowing his brother would be a nervous wreck by now.

Jonne was biting his fingernails when the incoming call drew his attention. “Tommi, what happened? Does the band still have a contract? Or did they kick us out?”

“Draw in a deep breath, Jonne and stop stressing like that. Everything’s fine. They’ll accept it.”

Jonne couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you saying that they’re letting me get away with it?”

“Even better. They’re okay with your peep show. I convinced them that you’d sell more records and concert tickets that way. You got carte blanche, Jonne.”

Jack, who had been listening in, grinned at Jonne. “Told you so.”

Jonne still had a hard time believing the executives had really changed their opinion of him. It would take time before he would be able to believe that.

~~~

The other side of the bed was unoccupied when Christus finally woke. Slowly, he turned his head, squeezed his eyes half shut, and stared at the clock. It was already six in the evening. All right, that was a new record, even for him. He had slept twelve hours. No wonder Juha had left the bed.

Christus took his time waking up. He stretched, yawned, scratched his head because he itched, and finally sat up. He had trouble keeping his eyes open and was tempted to lie down and go back to sleep again, but his need to find out where Juha was and what the redhead was doing outweighed his desire to sleep.

He pushed himself to his feet and walked toward the doorway. Cocking his head, he listened closely. Was that a guitar playing? He shuffled into the living room and found Juha seated on the couch playing one of his acoustic guitars. The younger man was lost in thought and when he wasn’t playing some melody, he was scribbling down some lines. He was seeing the artist at work then! The thought made Christus smile. “Got new song ideas?” he asked as he sat down on the other end of the couch.

Juha looked up from his writing and smiled indulgently at Christus. “Ah, you finally decided to get out of bed!”

“I was tired and once I sleep…” Christus shrugged. Recalling that Juha was a morning person, he asked, “And when did you get up and about?”

“Since eleven. I woke and couldn’t go back to sleep again.” Juha placed the guitar aside and scooted closer to Christus.

“What have you been doing all this time?” Christus glided his fingers through Juha’s red hair. He couldn’t get enough of touching it, feeling it slide through his fingers. Maybe Juha was right and he *was* developing a hair fetish! But only where Juha’s hair was concerned.

“I had a bite to eat, cleaned up your kitchen a bit, watched some television, and then started to fool around on the guitar.” For his standards, he had been lazy too. “And now that you’re finally awake, you’re probably hungry. I can make some pasta if you want…” Juha offered, smiling at the black-haired man.

Christus shook his head. “Food can wait. I’m hungry for something completely different.” He placed his hands on Juha’s shoulders and slowly pushed the redhead onto his back. Straddling Juha, Christus smiled victoriously. The red hair was fanned all over the couch, Juha’s features relaxed, and Christus practically drooled at the idea of having the younger man at his mercy – finally. Leaning in closer, he tasted Juha’s lips once more. He kept the kiss light and undemanding at first, but when the tip of Juha’s tongue pressed against his lips, Christus opened his mouth and lured it deeper inside. Moaning into the kiss, his hands roamed Juha’s body and he pushed any annoying fabric out the way.

Juha rested a hand at the back of Christus’ neck and closed his eyes. Now that it was no longer about ‘fucking’, but ‘making love’, he let go and surrendered to the overwhelming emotions that rocked his world. Sucking Christus’ bottom lip between his, he sucked in his breath sharply when the older man’s hand slipped below the waistband of his boxers. Opening his eyes, he looked into Christus’ green ones and read desire in them. Christus wanted him… He knew that. The question was, however: was he willing to let the other man take him?

TBC

Part 2

Creeping inside

Christus rid Juha of the shirt and boxers which the younger man was wearing and took in the sexy sight beneath him. He ran his fingertips from Juha’s shoulders to his groin and stroked the hard flesh, making the redhead throw back his head and moan with want. “You’re everything I’ve always wanted,” he whispered as he returned to kissing Juha again. “And not just for one night. Not for one fuck,” he clarified. “I actually like myself when I’m with you. Do you have any idea how amazing that is?” Christus was rambling and he knew it. He smiled apologetically at Juha. “You drive me crazy!” Juha’s fingertips moved over his face and Christus closed his eyes in bliss. He wanted Juha, but at the same time, he was determined not to merely take what he wanted. Searching his feelings, he realized that he wanted to pleasure Juha instead of merely satisfying his own needs. “I want you,” he whispered while looking into the younger man’s green eyes. “But only if you want this too.”

Juha nodded. “I want this. I want you to make love to me, Chris.” He had phrased it like that on purpose to see the other man’s reaction.

Christus nodded and sighed. “Yes, we’ll make love…” It would be his first time attempting that. Nuzzling Juha’s throat, he buried his hands in the red hair and deeply inhaled the musky scent. “This is different. It’s new.” His hands moved lower, down Juha’s flanks to eventually stroke his thighs. Juha came alive beneath his touch and pulled him in for another kiss, sucking and then biting his bottom lip until he drew a droplet of blood. Christus grinned. “I need to get up for a moment…” Hopefully he wasn’t out of condoms! The universe couldn’t be that unfair!

“Be quick about it then!” Juha’s eyes blazed as they followed Christus around the living room as he desperately searched for a condom and a tube of lubrication. “Bad memory?” he quipped.

“Anteeksi,” Christus replied. “The last time I needed them I was rather drunk and I have no idea where…” He stopped talking, looked about, then remembered. He disappeared into the bathroom and returned with his prizes. “Found it!”

“Well done,” Juha purred seductively. Christus climbed onto the couch again and Juha parted his legs so the older man could settle between them. He reached for the condom, removed it from the foil, and rolled it down Christus’ length. “Stretch me,” he whispered. “It’s been a while.” Smiling, he shook his head at Christus’ dazed look. “Hey, you want to get laid, don’t you? Then you’d better start moving!”

The words urged Christus into action and he covered his fingers with the lubricant. Covering Juha with his body, he slowly inserted one finger into the channel. “I can’t believe we’re going to do this,” he admitted as he showered Juha’s throat with kisses.

Juha smiled, caressed Christus’ face, and nodded. “I’m sorry for being such a tease in the past, but it worked, didn’t it?” He bit on his bottom lip as Christus added a second finger and stretched him. Licking down Christus’ neck, he rested his hands on the older man’s buttocks and closed his eyes contentedly. “I want to feel you,” he whispered as he cocked his head, opened his eyes again, and looked at Christus. “I want to feel you, Chris...now.”

Christus swallowed hard. It was finally going to happen then! He couldn’t believe how nervous he felt. He had done this so many times before, and yet, this was different. This was the first time he really wanted to make love. Slowly entering Juha, he sucked in his breath. The tight glove that surrounded him made him gasp for breath. “Oh…”

Juha wrapped an arm around Christus and pulled him closer. “Look at me,” he commanded.

Christus obeyed and looked Juha in the eye. The connection that formed between them overwhelmed him. Admitting to himself that he really loved Juha, he tried to be as gentle as possible as he thrust for the first time. He wanted to be gentle and careful with his lover, but Juha had different ideas.

Passionately, Juha latched onto Christus’ lips and kissed them until they became bruised. His fingernails scratched the skin on Christus’ back and he wrapped his long, powerful legs around his lover’s waist. His lips left behind a moist trail as they descended down Christus’ throat and then he bit into the sensitive skin there, making his lover gasp.

Christus’ thrusts sped up and became more forceful. Juha reacted at once and met each of those thrusts with an arch of his back. Claiming Christus’ lips once more, he stole one hand to his groin and stroked his erection in time with Christus’ thrusts. He knew he wouldn’t last long. Christus managed to hit his prostate with each stroke and he was about to lose the little bit of control he had managed to hang on to so far. “Chris, I…”

Christus buried himself inside the warm body, threw back his head, and fought for breath when Juha tightened further around him. The sensation caused him to orgasm and he collapsed on top of the redhead with his eyes closed as he panted hard. Juha enfolded him in a hug and Christus smiled lazily against his lover’s shoulder. “Blew my head off.”

“I believe it’s still firmly attached to your body,” Juha retorted, unable to resist pestering Christus just a little. “But I know what you mean and…yes.”

Christus managed to lift his head so he could look at Juha. The younger man’s face glowed as he turned flustered. The sated radiance that lay in those green eyes took Christus’ breath away. “I want to make love to you every day of my life,” he admitted in an unguarded moment.

“Hopefully every night as well,” Juha quipped and tenderly stroked Christus’ face.

Christus grinned. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”

~~~

Christus watched Juha sleep. The redhead had fallen asleep in his arms. Apparently Juha had gotten up too early that morning and was now catching up on his sleep. Christus relished holding the younger man in his sleep and couldn’t get enough of looking at him. With Juha asleep, Christus took his time to really study his lover.

His lover… Sure, he’d had girlfriends and boyfriends, but he had never really thought of them as lovers. Things were different though with Juha. He had found his match in more ways than one.

Checking the time, he realized it was already eight in the evening and he was growing hungry. Juha had mentioned eating in the morning and Christus gathered the younger man would be hungry too once he woke. The sensible thing to do was to head into the kitchen and prepare a meal, but there was one problem with that: he was bad at cooking. But he didn’t want to order pizzas either. He wanted Juha to see that he was making an effort at actually taking care of him!

Carefully he freed himself of Juha’s embrace, scooted off of the couch, and reached for a throw that covered the back of the couch. He tucked it around Juha, not wanting him to grow cold. Christus went into the kitchen and took stock of the food items available to him. It was a good thing they had bought groceries the other day! He wasn’t going to try making pasta as he remembered burning the spaghetti the last time he had tried, not to mention the inedible sauce he had made! The safest thing to do was to throw some pizzas in the oven, but that was almost too easy!

In the end, he uncovered the steaks they had bought. He even went as far as to read the instructions on how to prepare the meat and put the steaks into a grill pan. Deciding on a salad to go with it – because that was way easier than baking potatoes or boiling rice – he ripped some lettuce leaves, cut the cucumber into chunks and threw everything into a bowl. Wasn’t there something called salad dressing that was supposed to go with it?

Sighing, he wondered about the mess he found himself in. Just in time, he remembered to check on the steaks and turned them. He needed help –badly!

“What are you doing?” Juha had sleepily walked into the kitchen and arched an eyebrow at the chaos Christus had created. “Are you by any chance attempting dinner?”

“Don’t laugh at me!” Christus pouted as he noticed that Juha was doing his best not to burst out laughing. “I wanted to surprise you!” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned his head away from Juha. “This is what I get for being attentive!”

Juha wrapped his arms around Christus’ waist and the throw he had wrapped around him slipped down. “You know, cooking naked can be dangerous. If that hot grease…”

Christus nodded. “You’ve got a point! I’ll be right back!” He fled the kitchen, not so much because he was afraid of getting burned by grease, but because he hoped that Juha would save the steaks from burning!

Juha chuckled as he caught on. He moved back to the living room for a minute and got dressed then returned to the kitchen, took care of the steaks, and even made a dressing to go with the salad. Christus appeared wearing something that resembled a dress, but what was probably only an oversized pink and black striped t-shirt. “You can set the table,” Juha suggested.

Christus did as he was told, but kept stealing glances at Juha. He still found it hard to believe that they had really made love. Only a week ago he had thought they stood no chance and now they were… dating. Christus swallowed hard. He was really dating someone… How serious would this get? An arm folded around his waist and Christus looked at Juha, who was chuckling.

“Are you already getting cold feet? Scared to date me?”

Christus cringed. Juha had nailed it! “I don’t want to be scared. I love you. I want to be with you, but…”

“Actually committing to someone scares you.” Juha kissed Christus on his brow. “I understand. I demand nothing. Take the time you need to get used to the idea.” He released Christus from his hold and then placed the salad onto the table. After removing two plates from the cupboard, he put the steaks onto them and signaled Christus to sit down.

They ate in silence, but it was a comfortable silence that settled between them. It was filled with glances at each other, holding hands, and smiles. Christus had never before experienced anything like it. Juha completed him. He had never thought that there was actually a person out there who could make him feel like that. “I love you,” he whispered and took Juha’s hand in his when the redhead momentarily placed his fork down. “I won’t let you go – ever!”

Squeezing Christus’ hand in turn, Juha whispered, “I love you too, Chris.”

Smiling, they continued to eat, enjoying it being just the two of them.

~~~

Jonne felt strangely shy when he entered the rehearsal room. The rest of the band was already present and a quick look showed that Christus had brought Juha along. They hadn’t gathered to rehearse. No, they needed to discuss what had happened only twenty-three hours ago at the festival. Jack squeezed his fingers to encourage him and Jonne nodded thankfully.

“My hero!”

An ‘oomph’ escaped Jonne as he was suddenly crushed against Antti. Although the bass player wasn’t heavy, he possessed enough strength to make him gasp in the embrace. “Antti…need…air.”

Japa grinned. “Do you need rescuing?”

Jonne managed to free himself before he ran out of breath. “Antti!”

Antti merely grinned. “You did it! You sang ‘Touchless’! You know how much I love that song!” Antti was unable to stand still and kept moving about excitedly. “You have to sing it again at our next gig!”

Jonne shook his head. “No way!”

“Yes!” Antti looked pleadingly at him. “You must!”

Jonne shook his head again. “Once is more than enough!”

“Please, please, please, please, please!” Antti refused to give up yet. “For me! You love me! You want to do this for me!”

Jonne sighed. “I’ll think about it,” he said, calming and apparently pleasing the bass player, but in the back of his mind, he thought, ‘No, never, no way!’

“Nice outfit,” Christus commented and grinned. “Like the cat’s ears.”

Jonne grinned in turn. Jack had selected the vest for him. He hadn’t worn it for quite some time. “Meow…” Christus’ smile was warm and something in the green eyes had changed, which made Jonne wonder about his friend. Sitting down next to Christus on their old, but comfortable couch, he cocked his head and tried to figure out what had changed. Seeing Christus rub Juha’s fingers, something finally clicked. “You had sex!”

Antti jumped at that. “What? You had sex? The two of you had sex?” Antti ran toward Christus, took him by the shoulders, and started to shake him. “Tell me, who was on top!”

“What drugs are you on?” Nakki shook his head and then tried to calm Antti. “That’s none of your business! It’s private!”

“I want to know too,” Lauri remarked dryly.

“Me too,” Ville quipped from the back.

“We all want to know,” Antti agreed and nodded. “We need to know.”

The sudden interest in his love life made Christus suspicious and he looked at Juha for help. What the hell was going on?

“I know what this is all about. They bet on if you would get laid or not. If you would succeed in fucking me or not.” Juha gave Antti a deceivingly sweet look. “Who has to strip now?”

Christus wasn’t sure if he should laugh or be angry with Antti. “You bet on that?”

Antti was smart enough to look embarrassed. “We were drunk, you know.”

Juha wanted an answer. “Who has to strip?”

Antti uncovered the beer mat and checked the writing. “Mikko and Lauri.”

Lauri released a startled scream. “Not again!” Antti had made him strip not so long ago when he had lost another stupid bet.

Ville liked the idea however and grinned. “Maybe Antti will allow you to make it a private striptease? Just for me alone?”

Antti shook his head. “He would get away too easy that way! And we need Mikko there as well.” He cocked his head. “Juha… Can’t you arrange for something? Unfortunately Mikko is in Oulu and we want him to strip in Tampere.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Juha remarked and chuckled. “So, the rest of you were convinced Chris would get his way with me?” Jonne, Ville, and Antti had the grace to either blush or avert their gaze. “Well, that’s interesting!”

Christus frowned. “What exactly did you bet on?”

Antti suddenly felt less confident while standing there in front of Christus and Juha with said beer mat in his hand. “Here,” he handed it to Christus so he didn’t have to read it aloud.

Christus’ eyes widened. “You bet that Juha would let me fuck him?” Antti shrugged helplessly and Christus sighed. “In that case…” He winked at Juha before saying, “In that case all of you have to strip because I didn’t fuck him.”

Juha smiled sweetly as he caught on. He didn’t say anything though and let Christus do the talking.

“Huh, now I’m confused.” Lauri frowned. “I thought you had sex?”

“We made love,” Christus said and enjoyed every second of it. “You all lost the bet.”

“Chris! That’s just a technicality! You were on top!” Antti wasn’t going to let Christus ruin this for him!

“We made love,” Christus repeated. “We didn’t fuck. So, when will Juha and I get to see you guys strip? Who was part of the bet?” He checked the names on the beer mat and grinned. “Ah, Jonne, I finally get to see you strip! And you too, Ville!”

“The bet’s off,” Antti protested. “If you can’t admit to fucking Juha and have to call it making love then…” He turned and marched away.

Christus shook his head and grinned. “He always was a bad loser.” He flung the beer mat onto the couch and pulled Juha onto his lap. “You knew about that bet?”

“I heard them discuss it that evening we first met.” Juha ran his fingertips along Christus’ jaw. “Kids,” he said and grinned.

Christus nodded. Juha was right. This wasn’t worth getting upset over. “Anyway, they lost and we won.” In more ways than one.

~~~

They ended up at Amadeus. The place was crowded and the nine of them had to fight to obtain a table in the back. That night something was different though. In the past, a lot of fans had tried to corner Christus, but now they seemed to be stalking Jonne and Jack instead.

“Maybe they’re hoping the two of you will kiss again,” Christus commented. He was holding hands with Juha and sipped his beer while the redhead stuck to mineral water.

Jonne blushed. “There are actually videos out there showing us kissing. We discovered them this morning.”

Ville chuckled and cuddled up to Lauri, who had wrapped an arm around him. “That’s the price you pay for being famous!”

“Just wait until they figure out that you’re together with Lauri, little brother.” Jonne stuck out his tongue at Ville. “Your peace won’t last forever.”

“I don’t care,” Lauri replied. “Anyone can know about us as far as I’m concerned!”

At that moment, someone sat down heavily next to Jonne. The singer looked up in surprise. “Tommi? What are you doing here?” His older brother seldom frequented Amadeus.

“It was a long day at work and when I got home, the place was so damn empty and quiet. I missed you!” He ruffled Jonne’s hair. “Maybe I should move back in with you!” Jonne quickly shook his head. “Why not? Ville won’t stay much longer. He has already practically moved in with Lauri!”

“Lauri has this big, comfortable couch,” Ville said and blushed.

“Tommi, I love you,” Jonne stated. “But if Ville moves out, I want Jack to move in and not you. Anteeksi,” he added and looked apologetically at Tommi.

Tommi shrugged. “Hey, I don’t blame you!”

Jack however gazed at Jonne in surprise. “You want me to move in with you?”

“You mentioned moving to Tampere and if Ville should move out then…” Jonne blushed. “You could move in.”

Jack, who had been quiet, considered the option and decided he liked the idea. “That’s not bad at all. It makes sense!”

Ville arched an eyebrow. “Are you kicking me out? I didn’t move back in all that long ago!”

Jonne quickly said, “Of course not! I was just thinking… Should keep my mouth shut instead.” There had been a reason why Ville had moved back in with him. His brother had been lonely and had needed someone to support him during his rehab. What had he been thinking? Even the mere suggestion of Ville moving out and Jack in might have hurt his brother’s feelings!

“Hey, don’t look like that!” Ville hadn’t expected Jonne to react like that. “I was merely joking! I like the idea of moving in with Lauri and you wouldn’t be kicking me out. Jonne, you helped me tremendously in the past. You helped me deal with a lot of shit. Don’t give me that look. I’m not hurt, nor am I angry with you!” Ville took Jonne in his arms and hugged his brother. “Everything’s fine. Don’t worry.”

But Jonne did worry. How could he have suggested such a stupid thing?

~~~

Jack sat down next to Jonne on the couch in the living room. During their journey home, Jonne had been quiet and distant. Jack hadn’t pressured the blond into talking at the time, but now he felt he couldn’t let it continue any longer. He wrapped his arms around Jonne and guided the blond head to his shoulder. “Care to tell me why you’re upset?”

Jonne sighed and closed his eyes. Soaking up Jack’s body heat, he pressed closer. “I shouldn’t have said that. Now Ville thinks that I want him to move out!”

Ah, that was the problem! Jack stroked the blond hair and whispered, “Ville doesn’t think that. Only you do. And you know what? Maybe it’s time for him to spread his wings.”

Jonne shook his head. “Ville and Lauri haven’t been together long enough to take that step.” Ville was his little brother and he would always look out for him. “Maybe in a few months!”

Jack raised Jonne’s head with a finger. “Hey, I need to sell my apartment first. It’s not like I’m planning to move in tomorrow. In the meantime, this will work nicely. I can stay here and sleep in your bed.”

The last sentence brought a smile to Jonne’s face and he inched closer. “I like having you in my bed.”

“I’d hope so!” Jack rubbed Jonne’s back. “Want to curl up here and watch a movie or go to bed?”

“I’m sorry, Jack, but I’m not in the mood for…” Jonne blushed.

“That’s not what I meant!” Jack shook his head. “I just want to hold you… either here on the couch or in bed.”

Jonne sighed, feeling relieved. “Couch then.”

“All right…” Jack switched on the television, found a movie, and then stretched out on the couch. Jonne moved into his arms and Jack covered them both with a blanket. “Are you comfortable, babe?” Jonne’s eyes radiated sadness and he cringed at seeing it. “Don’t worry. You didn’t mean it that way and Ville knows that!”

Jonne still felt guilty and couldn’t stop worrying.

~~~

Lauri sipped his non-alcoholic beer and watched Ville nibble on his bottom lip. “Spit it out. What’s wrong?” They had settled down on the couch and were listening to some old Guns ‘n Roses songs. “I can tell your brain is working overtime.”

Ville smiled apologetically. “You’re right. I’ve been thinking.”

“What about?” Lauri took another sip and lazily stroked Ville’s hair with his other hand.

“About what Jonne said...moving in with you. Let’s look at it practically. I’m here all the time! It’s been a week since I slept at home!”

“Moving in together is a big step,” Lauri commented thoughtfully. “Are you sure you can deal with living with me for a long time? I don’t clean up after myself and am disorganized.” Lauri looked about and then frowned. Normally his clothes would be everywhere, but for some reason the apartment looked tidy. “You’ve been cleaning up after me,” he realized, stunned.

“I like it neat and tidy.” Ville blushed. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Not at all!” Lauri set his beer aside and pulled Ville into his arms. “Is that what you really want? To move in and live here with me?”

Ville nodded. “I think I do. Living with Jonne is fun and I love having him about, but he needs his own space. He should have some privacy, especially now that Jack’s around and I for my part feel like I’m ready for something new.”

Lauri nodded. “As long as you want to move in for the right reasons, you’re welcome.”

Ville understood. “I want to move in because I care about you, not because I want to get out of Jonne’s way. I want to get to know you better and have you around.”

Lauri brushed Ville’s face with his fingertips. “In that case, you’re more than welcome to stay.”

~~~

Christus woke the next morning to Juha talking. He opened his eyes and sat up. Looking about, he saw Juha moving about in the living room since the bedroom door was open. He ran a hand through his hair and checked the time. It was only seven in the morning and, while Juha was a morning person, that was too soon to get up even for the redhead.

“I’m really sorry,” Juha said as he returned to the bedroom and sat down on the bed. “It’s work. My boss wants me back. There are some problems and I need to take care of them if I don’t want to lose my job. I have to drive back to Helsinki and work for the rest of the week.”

Damn...and it was only Monday! The news definitely ruined Christus’ good mood. “And what if you resign and stay with me instead?”

Juha smiled. “I’d love to do that, but I need to earn some money to pay rent and buy food. I can’t afford to lose my job. I don’t make enough money with Reflexion to quit.”

“Do you really have to leave this early?” Christus pulled Juha close and gazed at him pleadingly. “I don’t want you to go. Stay.”

“I’m sorry, but I really need to get back to work. But if you want me to, I can come over on the weekends. I can leave Fridays after work and then drive back to work first thing Monday morning.” It was the best thing he could offer Christus.

Christus sighed. “I hate real life getting in the way of my love life.”

Juha caressed Christus’ face and kissed him. “I’m sorrier than you know. I’ll call this evening, all right? Go see Jonne and Jack. Let them distract you and it’ll be Friday before you know it.”

Christus felt miserable. He really didn’t want Juha to leave. He didn’t want to let him out of his sight! If possible, he wanted Juha close for the rest of his life!

“I’ll call tonight and then I’ll try to get off work early on Friday.” Juha cringed when he saw how down Christus was. He didn’t want to leave either, but he had to hold onto this job. He needed the money!

~~~

Jonne couldn’t hide his surprise when he opened the door and saw a very depressed looking Christus standing there. “What happened?” He pulled his friend inside and guided him into the kitchen where Jack was making coffee. “What happened that you’re up this early? It’s only nine in the morning!”

Christus sat down and crossed his legs. He mumbled, “Kiitos,” when Jack placed a mug filled with coffee in front of him, but made no attempt to sip. “Juha had to leave. His boss called and now he’s gone.”

Jonne and Jack exchanged half-worried, half-amused glances. “And now you’re feeling lonely?” Jack asked.

“Worse. I’m feeling sorry for myself.” Christus forced himself to move and took a sip of the coffee. “I miss having him around.”

“You’re really madly in love with him, aren’t you?” Jack didn’t know his friend like this.

Christus shrugged. “Yes, I am and it sucks.” He almost hurt physically now that he was alone again. Having Juha around had filled a void in his life and he didn’t know how to manage without him. How pathetic was that?

“You’re in love,” Jonne whispered and patted Christus’ hand. “It’s a bittersweet pain, isn’t it?”

Christus nodded again and sighed. “I don’t want to feel like this.”

Jonne curled his fingers around Christus’. “How about we take you shopping? That’ll distract you.”

Christus shrugged again. He doubted it would do him any good, but he was willing to try.

~~~

It didn’t work, just as Christus had feared. Jonne and Jack did their best to distract him, but the clothes didn’t interest him, neither did the newest shades in pink eye shadow, or the accessories store where Jonne went wild. Leaning against the wall, he watched Jonne pay for his purchases and sighed again. It was hopeless. All he could think about was Juha.

Jack glanced at Jonne meaningfully. “It’s not working.”

Jonne had realized that as well, but was running out of ideas. They had visited all of Christus’ favorite shops and still the guitarist remained moody. “When will you see Juha again?” he asked as he hooked his arm with Christus’.

“Not until Friday evening. That seems like an eternity!” Christus didn’t want to ruin their shopping trip, but he couldn’t pretend that he was fine. Jack wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. “I know you mean well, but it’s not working. I’m going home. I already ruined your day. I don’t want to ruin your evening too.”

“You didn’t ruin anything! You can’t help feeling like that!” Jonne stated firmly.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m going home. Thanks for trying to cheer me up.” He hugged Jonne first and then Jack. The two of them tried to make him change his mind, but Christus shook his head and wandered off.

Jonne looked worried as Christus finally vanished from view. “I don’t know him like that.”

“He’s in love,” Jack whispered and wrapped his arms around Jonne. “Give him some time. He’ll come to terms with it. Juha only just left.”

Jonne nodded, but was determined to keep a close eye on his friend.

~~~

Christus’ feet didn’t take him home though. Instead, he ended up at the train station. At first, he had no idea what he was doing there. Why had he come there? Then he realized what his subconscious was trying to tell him. He went to the ticket office, bought a ticket, and went to the correct platform to await his train.

TBC

Part 3

Tears are home

Two hours later, Christus wondered what to do next. He had arrived in Helsinki, but during the train ride, he had realized that he didn’t have Juha’s address. It was eight PM and he hoped Juha would be done working. Uncovering his mobile phone he speed dialed Juha’s number.

~~~

Juha had just removed his coat and shoes and was about to finally sit down when his phone rang – again. That day had been chaos. He had no idea how everyone at work had managed to screw up. It had taken him all day to straighten everything out again. They were fellow sound technicians. How hard could it be to get everything straight? Expecting another catastrophe, he answered the call without checking the name of the caller. “Kylmänen.”

“Uh, it’s me.”

Juha’s eyes widened. “Chris?” He had said he would call the older man, so why was Christus calling him instead? Then he grinned. “Let me guess. You’ve grown impatient and decided to call me instead!”

“Something like that.” Christus looked about. He had remained inside the train station instead of wandering off into the city. “I’m in Helsinki.”

Juha’s eyes widened further. “You’re what?”

“I took the train and then I realized that I don’t know where you live. Can you pick me up?”

“What are you doing in Helsinki?” Juha got to his feet, put his coat and shoes back on, and marched out of the door.

“I missed you,” Christus admitted, feeling rather embarrassed. “I kept thinking about you and realized I wouldn’t make it without you until Friday.”

Juha shook his head. “You’re quite something, Chris. I only left a few hours ago!” He had reached his car and got inside. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Kiitos and…” Christus looked down. “You’re not mad at me for coming to Helsinki, are you?”

“Of course not!” Juha started the engine. “Wait for me at the front of the station. I won’t be long.” With that, he terminated the call and drove down the street. He had expected Christus to miss him and maybe try to sweet talk him into going back to Tampere as early as he could, but he hadn’t expected Christus to take the train and travel to Helsinki!

~~~

Christus looked lost when Juha caught sight of the guitarist. He stopped, parked the car, and walked toward his lover. “Hei!”

Christus smiled apologetically at Juha. “Can’t live without you it seems.” He folded his arms around the redhead and embraced him rather tightly. “You’re stuck with me.” Juha smiled at him and Christus felt relieved. The younger man didn’t seem to mind too badly that he had an unexpected visitor.

“You’re the only person I want to be stuck with!” Juha guided Christus to his car and then they drove away from the train station. “You could have given me a warning though!”

“I didn’t know what I was about to do until I’d already bought the ticket.” Christus grinned lopsidedly. “And once I was riding the train, I started to wonder if you’d be pissed off because I’d shown up like that.”

“Never!” Juha glanced reassuringly at Christus. He drove them home and they got out. Juha guided Christus to the building his apartment was in.

“Nice neighborhood,” Christus commented. There were some interesting clothes stores on the street where Juha lived and music reached his ear from a bar. “Everything’s close.”

“I like it here.” Juha unlocked the door and then stepped inside. “It’s a mess though. I left in a hurry that morning and I just got home from work, so I didn’t have the time yet to clean up.”

Christus followed Juha inside and whistled. Compared to his apartment, which *was* messy, Juha’s was stylish. Most of the walls were a warm red, mixed with brown and black. The furniture was a mix of dark, classic wood and modern, black materials. “I’m impressed.” Very stylish indeed and the complete opposite of his apartment.

“I’m glad you like it!” Juha removed his coat, shoes, and then hung Christus’ leather jacket next to his. “I’m hungry… Want to join me for a pizza?”

Christus nodded. “Sure, why not?” Wandering about, he checked out the rest of the apartment and instantly fell in love with the bedroom. All of the walls had been painted burgundy, except for one which was black. The big, four-poster bed, was made of wood and it definitely suited the rest of the room. The red silk draperies were speckled with gold. “This is great!”

Juha peeked around the corner and smiled. “I wanted something different.”

“From what?” Christus turned and followed the younger man into the kitchen where Juha was putting their pizzas into the oven.

Juha shrugged. “The last relationship I was in was with a girl. She liked everything bright and white. So when I became single again, I went for the opposite.”

Christus sat down at the kitchen table and looked about. The kitchen was brighter than the other rooms with white walls and red cupboards. He could easily tell Juha’s favorite color.

Juha sat down opposite Christus. He had brought a bottle of wine along and opened it. Pouring the red wine into their glasses, he handed Christus one. “So, what am I to do with you, Chris? Are you staying for the week or are you heading home tomorrow?”

“We don’t have practice until Friday and our next gig is on Sunday, so, I was rather hoping I could stay.” Christus had the grace to look embarrassed and peeked at Juha from beneath his lashes.

“Of course you can stay! Did you really think I’d put you on the first train back to Tampere?” Juha sipped his wine and smiled at Christus.

“Well, I was hoping you wouldn’t.” Christus grinned. “Does that mean I get to try your big four-poster bed?”

“You really like my bed, don’t you?” Juha checked on their pizzas, removed them from the oven, and sliced them. A brooding expression appeared in his eyes as he watched Christus. Until now, he hadn’t realized just how different they were, but the fact that he had returned to work and that Christus only had a band rehearsal and a gig coming up showed him that their lives *were* very different indeed. “My life is boring compared to yours. Are you really sure this is what you want?”

Christus blinked in surprise. How could Juha doubt that? “I couldn’t bear the idea of being without you for three days. Doesn’t that tell you enough?” It was the first time ever that he had seen Juha so insecure. “I love you.”

Juha smiled and then nodded. “I just wanted you to know what you were getting yourself into.”

Christus shrugged. “I was lost the first time I saw you. I never had a say in the matter.” Curling his fingers around Juha’s, he squeezed them.

~~~

“I got an appointment tomorrow with that therapist that helped me back then.” Jonne shuffled into the living room and sat down next to Jack. “Hopefully he can help me find a way to rid myself of the nightmares. It isn’t fair that I’m keeping you up all night.”

“Don’t worry about that. I’d rather be up all night than asleep with you shaking yourself to pieces next to me!” Jack pulled Jonne onto his lap and hugged him. “Did you talk to Ville?” He knew Jonne well enough by now to realize that his lover still felt unhappy about what had happened the other night.

“I did...on the phone.”

“And what did he say?”

“That he wants to move in with Lauri and that Lauri is okay with that. I feel so bad.” Jonne rested his head on Jack’s shoulder. “I didn’t want him to feel that he had to leave!”

Jack sighed. “I doubt that is the reason why Ville’s moving in with Lauri. He probably wants-” The doorbell rang and cut Jack short.

“I’ll get it.” Jonne quickly got to his feet and answered the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone. Opening the door, he blinked in surprise. “Ville?” His brother was standing in the corridor looking happy and holding hands with Lauri. Jonne quickly stepped aside to let them enter and then followed them into the living room where the two of them sat down after greeting Jack. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me…” Jonne swallowed hard.

Ville shook his head. “I knew it! I just knew it! Damn it, Jonne! You didn’t do anything wrong! I want to move in with Lauri! You simply suggested it!” Ville rose from the couch, walked over to his brother, and placed his hands on Jonne’s shoulders. “I like the idea of moving in with Lauri! And I want you to have your own space too! I’m doing this for the right reasons! Not because you’re chasing me off! Stop being so damn stubborn!”

Ville’s firm tone made Jonne wonder if he hadn’t been overreacting. “Is that the truth? You really want to move in with Lauri? And you’re not doing it because you feel like I’m chasing you off?”

“I want to live with Lauri!” Ville shook Jonne slightly. “I want this. Do you finally get it?”

Jonne nodded. “Anteeksi…” He blushed. “I was afraid that…”

“Jonne, I know that you love me! You’re always there for me! But I want to make some changes!”

Jonne nodded again. “I’ll just have to believe you then.” He smiled weakly.

“You’d better!” Ville hugged his brother close and felt Jonne relax while they were in such close contact. The tension finally left his brother. “I love you, Jonne.”

“I love you too.” Hugging Ville tight, Jonne was relieved that his brother had sought him out to tell him that. He did feel better now.

~~~

Ville dropped his bags and the large, pink suitcase that he had borrowed from Jonne in the hallway. “You’ll help me move my stuff, won’t you?” Moving in with Lauri meant getting his things from Jonne’s apartment and dragging them up the stairs to Lauri’s.

“Of course I will! But keep in mind that my condition is bad. I’m a chain smoker after all!” To prove his point, Lauri lit a cigarette.

“We’ll have to work on your condition then!” Ville moved toward Lauri, removed the cigarette from the other man’s lips, and kissed him. Dropping the cigarette into an ash tray, he extinguished it. “Lauri?” he mumbled seductively past the curls and into the guitarist’s ear.

“Yes?” Lauri’s eyes had become clouded during the kiss. He couldn’t help wanting Ville so much. Letting his hands roam Ville’s back, he stroked the skin beneath the shirt.

“You once told me to speak up when I wanted more, remember that?” Ville had been thinking about making love with Lauri all evening and now felt certain that he wanted to take that step. “I want to be with you like that.”

Lauri’s mouth went dry and he swallowed hard. Wow, that had been unexpected! “Are you sure?”

Ville nodded. “I want to know what it’s like. And I want to know what *you* are like in bed. I…have never been… with a man that way before…so…” He blushed and averted his eyes. “You’ll have to guide me…prepare me.”

Lauri raised Ville’s head and searched the blue eyes for what the younger man really wanted from him. “Maybe your first time with a man shouldn’t be with you on the bottom.”

Ville blushed to the roots of his hair. He wanted to have sex with Lauri, but talking about it made him nervous. It felt weird to discuss it. “I kind of expected you to want to be on top.”

“It’d be easier for you if you were on top the first time and I’m fine with that. It’s not like I need to be on top. I’m…flexible that way.” Lauri grinned.

Ville felt relieved. Although he had prepared himself to be on the receiving end, the thought that he would be on top the first time somehow soothed him. “You’ll help me though? I don’t want to make any mistakes and I want everything to be good for you too.”

Lauri nodded and pulled Ville along into the bedroom. “Let me take the lead this time. Just let me guide you.”

Nodding, Ville’s nervousness increased. Then a frightening thought hit him. What if he wouldn’t get it up or even perform because he was so damn nervous? But then Lauri’s lips brushed his and the older man lured him deeper into the kiss. His body reacted and he pressed closer to the other man, already growing erect. Okay, maybe he didn’t have to worry that much after all.

“Why don’t you dim the lights? I’ll be right back.” Lauri licked along Ville’s bottom lip and turned to switch on some music. He disappeared into the bathroom and returned carrying a condom and a tube of lube. In the meanwhile, Ville had dimmed the lights and even removed his shirt. Lauri grinned. Ville wanted this in spite of being rather nervous. “Sexy,” he whispered and his hands roamed Ville’s chest. His fingertips brushed Ville’s nipples and the nubs hardened beneath his touch. “Very sexy,” he said and nuzzled Ville’s throat. “But you’re wearing too much.” He unbuckled Ville’s belt and then unzipped his jeans. He slid them down the younger man’s thighs so that they pooled around Ville’s feet and Ville stepped out of them, naked.

Ville moistened his lips. Although he was eager to do this, he worried about a million things, like coming too early, not pleasing Lauri, or not being found attractive. Standing in front of Lauri, he felt shy and was very much aware of his inexperience in this matter.

Lauri took hold of Ville’s right hand and guided it onto his chest beneath the fabric of the shirt. “Put your hands on me,” he purred into Ville’s ear.

Ville tentatively stroked Lauri’s chest and rolled a nipple between his fingertips. Lauri moaned and the sound vibrated in the room, causing Ville to harden further. He watched as Lauri unbuttoned his shirt and then let it fall to the floor. They had touched and been naked together before, but this was different because they were finally going to have sex.

Guiding Ville’s hands onto his hips, Lauri cocked his head and kissed his young lover once more. With his right hand, he unzipped his pants and pushed the fabric down until eventually he too stepped out of it. Once they were both naked, he grinned at Ville. “You’re doing fine. Just let it happen.” He guided Ville over to the bed and sat down before pulling Ville onto his lap.

Ville felt nervous and could barely believe this was finally happening. He loved Lauri for being so tender and considerate with him and, growing more confident, he pushed the older man onto his back.

Lauri grinned like a cat. “Something tells me you might like being on top.”

Ville blushed. “I wouldn’t know…”

“Then let’s find out. It’s time to rid you of your virginity, don’t you think so?” Lauri felt it was adorable the way Ville grew shy on him. “I’ll make sure your first time is good. Trust me.”

Ville nodded. “I trust you.”

Lauri made himself a bit more comfortable and then pulled Ville down so he could kiss him. Caressing Ville’s flanks, he let one hand dip lower and his fingers briefly curled around Ville’s erection. Ville sucked in his breath and Lauri smiled reassuringly. “It’s okay. Let it overwhelm you. Don’t hold back.”

Ville nodded and kissed a trail from Lauri’s lips to a nipple. Lauri’s hands seemed to be touching him everywhere at once and Ville moaned. Seeking out Lauri’s lips again, he deepened their kiss. Lauri’s arms came up along his back to hug him before the older man rolled him onto his back. He looked at his lover in wonder.

“Trust me, it’s better this way. This way you get to relax and enjoy the ride more.” He wanted Ville’s first time to be special. “Let me do the work.”

Ville felt overwhelmed and knew it would be best that way. Lauri wouldn’t screw things up like he probably would. With hungry eyes, he watched Lauri tear the foil and remove the condom. So, it was really going to happen then. He would finally lose his virginity!

Lauri grinned at the adoring look on Ville’s face. “You don’t have to wait much longer…” He rolled the condom down Ville’s length, covered it with lubrication, and then crawled closer to Ville. With his face only an inch from Ville’s, he whispered, “Are you ready?”

Ville was no longer capable of speech, so he simply nodded. Lauri’s hands sought out his and twined their fingers before he raised himself and started to take Ville in inch by inch, ever so slowly. Ville whimpered in surprise.

Lauri focused as he slowly sank onto Ville’s lap. Taking his time, he finally got used to the invasion and bowed his head once they were firmly locked together. His curls hid his face from view and when Ville freed a hand to brush the locks away from his face, Lauri let him and smiled. “You feel good.”

The compliment made Ville smile. “Is it normal that it feels so…tight?” It amazed him that he was still capable of speech.

Lauri rested his brow against Ville’s. “Most of the time, yes. I didn’t stretch myself. I want you to feel this in every cell of your being.”

Oh, he definitely *felt* it. He felt like he was about to come and that scared him. He was afraid that if Lauri even made the slightest movement, he would climax and ruin everything. Lauri stroked his hair and he focused on his lover. “Lauri, I’m…”

“Take a few deep breaths and if you come, that’s okay. I’m sure I can get you up again.” Lauri smiled reassuringly.

Ville did as Lauri had suggested and concentrated on his breathing. “I think I can do this…” Although the pressure was still there, he felt like he could control it a little longer.

Lauri twined their fingers again, bent down to Ville, and kissed him. At the same time, he moved, circling his hips slowly since he didn’t want to push the younger man over the edge yet. A series of moans escaped Ville and Lauri licked his way over to an earlobe which he suckled and then took between his teeth to bite gently.

It was too much for Ville – the way Lauri was riding him, the teeth scratching his skin, the fingers squeezing his...he couldn’t hold back any longer. Yelling, he let go.

Lauri quickly curled his fingers around his erection, stroked firmly, and joined Ville in bliss.

The sudden increased tightening around his length drove Ville out of his mind and, wide-eyed, he stared at Lauri. Freeing his hands, he enfolded Lauri in his arms and crushed the older man to him. “Oh, that was…” Speechless, he closed his eyes and buried his face in Lauri’s shoulder.

Lauri smiled and stroked Ville soothingly before moving off of his lover to lie down next to him. He disposed of the condom and watched the play of emotions on Ville’s face. He twined their fingers once more, liking the feel of it.

Ville eventually turned onto his side and smiled satedly at Lauri. “I always fantasized my first time would be like that. You were… wonderful.” Kissing Lauri on the lips, he snuggled closer. “Kiitos.”

Lauri felt equally satiated and actually purred. “And trust me it’ll get even better the more often you do it.”

Ville chuckled tiredly. “Hard to imagine.”

“But true.”

~~~

“Sleepy?” Jack brushed the blond hair away from Jonne’s face and found that his lover’s eyes were closing. “Let’s go to bed.” It was still early for them to turn in with it being only midnight, but Jonne seemed exhausted. Jack could only hope that Jonne’s sleep would be peaceful for a change.

Jonne considered protesting. He didn’t want to go to sleep because of the nightmares. “Maybe we can watch another movie?” But his eyes were closing and he couldn’t stop himself from yawning.

“Don’t be scared,” Jack said as he pulled Jonne to his feet and away from the couch. “I’ll keep an eye on you should the nightmares return.”

Jonne flinched. “But you…” Already half asleep on his feet, he allowed Jack to pull him into the bedroom. The older man undressed him and pushed him onto the mattress. Looking at Jack, Jonne watched his lover remove his clothes. Unexpectedly Jack knelt next to the bed and then pulled him closer. Jonne arched his eyebrow questioningly when Jack guided his legs onto his shoulders. He was about to ask what this was about when a moist lick told him just what Jack had in mind. Closing his eyes, he sighed and surrendered to his lover.

~~~

Jack woke during the night to check on Jonne. After they had made love, Jonne had fallen fast asleep and for the first part of the night, the blond’s sleep had been restful and undisturbed by nightmares. Jack placed a kiss onto Jonne’s brow, cuddled up to him, and closed his eyes to sleep.

~~~

“I’ve got to go now,” Juha, already fully dressed and ready to leave for work, sat down on the side of the bed and caressed Christus’ face. The black-haired man reluctantly opened his eyes and tried to reach for him. “Ei,” Juha responded and shook his head. “I can’t stay. I’ll be back around six. Maybe you can fix dinner? Also, I left a spare key on the kitchen table in case you need to get groceries. Don’t want you roaming the streets.” He smiled and kissed Christus. “I’ll miss you.” The other night, they had made love again and the connection between them had deepened further. It had become obvious that this relationship was something both of them took very serious.

“I’ll try to prepare something.” Something easy and that couldn’t go wrong. He’d probably find some meals in the supermarket which he only needed to heat. “So what am I supposed to do during the day without you?”

“Go shopping! Or keep yourself busy playing on my guitar!” Juha would have loved to stay, but he was already running late. “Love you,” he said and kissed Christus. He quickly got to his feet before Christus could pull him into his arms and marched out of the door. “See you tonight!”

Christus pulled the comforter over his head and pushed deeper into the mattress. It was a damn shame that Juha was gone, but at least he could enjoy Juha’s bed a little longer. He loved the bed. If they ever moved in together he would want Juha to take his bed with him. Hey, what… Hold that thought! Moving in? Christus was instantly awake. No, he hadn’t thought that, had he? He valued his freedom!

But then again, he loved Juha from the bottom of his heart. Sighing, he buried his face in his pillow. Argh, why couldn’t life be simple for a change?

~~~

Jack kissed Jonne the moment the blond opened his eyes. “Huomenta,” he whispered and brushed Jonne’s lips with his. “The sun is shining. It promises to be a great day.” Stroking the fair hair away from Jonne’s face, he smiled. Jonne’s face held the same sated light it had had the other night after the blond had climaxed. “You’re so beautiful,” Japa whispered, awed.

Jonne grew flustered. “And you’re the most wonderful and caring person I know.”

Now it was Jack’s turn to blush. “Hey, you bring out the best in me!”

Jonne nodded. “And the best thing is that I’ll always have you close once you’ve moved in.”

Jack grinned. “Ah, it’s settled then? You want me here?”

“Always,” Jonne whispered as he pulled Jack on top of him. “For the rest of my life.”

~~~

Ville purred and rubbed his cheek against Lauri’s chest. The other night had been extraordinary and he had Lauri to thank for that. Resting his chin on Lauri’s chest, he looked into the older man’s eyes. “Thank you for making it special.”

“I said I would… I’m glad I succeeded.” Lauri ran his fingers through Ville’s hair. “I can’t promise you that there will never be problems in our relationship,” he said seriously. “But I can promise that I’ll always do my best to talk to you about them so we can find a solution for them.”

Ville nodded. “I’ll do the same.” Smiling, he pressed a kiss onto Lauri’s sternum, and Lauri hungrily deepened their kiss when he leaned in closer for one.

~~~

Juha was impressed. He suspected Christus had cheated and bought meals which had only needed to be heated, but the food tasted good and Christus looked pleased that he had managed to pull it off. “Are you going to cook again tomorrow? Pasta maybe?”

Christus grinned apologetically. “Can’t make pasta… I’m a bad cook.”

“You’ll find a way.” Juha was done eating and scooted closer to Christus. Straddling the guitarist’s lap, he wrapped his arms around his lover’s shoulders. “So tell me, how are we going to make this work with you living in Tampere and me in Helsinki?”

Christus moistened his lips and said, “I don’t really know. We’ll probably end up traveling between Tampere and Helsinki all the time.” He didn’t like that idea much, but he would commute if it meant being able to be with Juha. “You can’t resign your job and I need to be in Tampere for band rehearsals and other stuff.” Juha was moving about on his lap restlessly, causing Christus to grow aroused. “What are you up to this time, you tease?” He rested a hand at the nape of Juha’s neck and massaged there.

“Actually…” It hadn’t been Juha’s attention to tease Christus that way. “I’ve got something to tell you…” He was a bit nervous. “I talked to my boss today.”

Christus sucked in his breath. “What did you talk about?”

“We have a fair number of clients in Tampere. I could transfer from Helsinki to Tampere. That means moving there and… I’d still be working during the day, but we could be together that way...if you’d like that.” Juha bit on his bottom lip. “It’s just an idea! You don’t have to say yes!”

Christus stared at Juha. How could the younger man think that he would reject such an offer? It was perfect! “But we’ll need a larger apartment since it would be the two of us living there!”

Christus’ enthusiasm soothed Juha. He had hoped his lover would react like that, but hadn’t been sure. Christus tended to be unpredictable at times.

“I’m starting to wonder if you love me or are you merely after my bed?” Juha asked teasingly.

“Damn, you’re on to me.” Christus chuckled and then brought Juha in for a kiss. Lines which Juha had once sung to him came to his mind and he whispered, “Don’t get me wrong when I say I’m the child in the dark. You’ll keep me strong if you share the light in your heart. I hope you remember wherever you are is my home.” The smile Juha gave him touched Christus and he knew that he had finally come home. Wherever Juha was, was his home.

The end!