Title: Sweet Child of Mine

Author: Morgana
Author’s email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Pairing: Eero/Larry

Rating:  NC-17
Summary: Larry decides to help Eero and in turn, Eero helps Larry!

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money out of these stories!

Warning: Real Person Slash.

Beta read by Cat/NewVilya

All remaining mistakes are mine.

 

Sweet Child of Mine

 

I don’t like coming here, but sometimes you have no choice. I’ll be an alcoholic my entire life and the only thing that stops me from drinking again are these meetings. The people, which I met here at the clinic never became my friends, but they *are* important to me. They support me and I need them. They stop me when I want to go back to drinking.

 

Drinking is a hard habit to kick. Alcohol is everywhere and easily available. You don’t need to try very hard to get your hands on it and my support group reminds me that I have to be strong. I can’t give in again. I would lose everything I hold dear if I did.

 

I would lose my position in the band, and even more important, the guys’ friendship – especially Jonne’s. Ever since Christus had left the band, the two of us have grown even closer. I like writing songs with Jonne and I don’t want to lose that – not because I can’t stay sober.

 

I raise an arm, wave goodbye at my support group, and head down the long corridor. Why are the walls in clinics always white? It’s so fucking depressing.

 

My curls have a will of their own and fall in front of my face. I push them aside and put on my sunglasses. Although it’s January, I keep using them. They’re perfect to hide behind and I won’t feel comfortable until I’m home and can close the door behind me. Hopefully, no fans, or even worse, reporters will see me leave the clinic. The band can’t use more harmful headlines.

 

It was bad enough that we had to let Gary go. We liked the guy – we really did – but he didn’t fit in and the decision to let him go was in the best interest of the band. Sadly, neither the fans, nor the media saw it that way and they blamed Jonne for things not working out, which is unfair. Either it clicks, or it doesn’t.

 

“I’m sorry, Eero, but I’m afraid we can’t make that exception. You know which rules apply, and unfortunately, you can’t meet them. I understand that it’s not your fault, but we can’t let you go without proper supervision.”

 

Eero? Hearing that name draws my attention and I walk toward the room where the conversation is coming from. I shouldn’t be eavesdropping, I know that, but I can’t help being curious. Sure, there are hundreds of Eeros in Tampere and chances are small that this is Eero Honkanen. I don’t know the drummer very well, but enough to know that he has substance problems too.

 

“Does that mean I can’t go on leave and have to stay here for the weekend?”

 

I recognize the voice. It’s Eero all right. So the rumors are true – he has been admitted for drugs problems. I slow down my pace so I can hear more of the conversation.

 

“I’m sorry, Eero, but as long as you can’t find a person who will keep an eye on you during the weekend you’ll have to stay at the clinic.”

 

Involuntarily I come to a stop. I’m experiencing a distinct déjà-vu. I remember the first time they let me go home after going through withdrawal. I too needed someone who would keep an eye on me. I was fortunate enough to have Jonne, who came to the clinic and vouched for me. I spent each weekend at his place for the next three months until my therapist felt confident that I could stay sober on my own. It seems that Eero is in the same position.

 

Footfalls sound, a door closes, and then it’s silent inside the room. Eero and his therapist left. I start walking again and head for the exit. If I hadn’t had Jonne back then I would have been stuck at the clinic too. My mother loves me and she also wanted to take me in, but we both knew that she wasn’t strong enough to keep me from drinking, should the craving take me. Jonne, however, stood his ground and he kicked my ass – several times at that – whenever I wanted to give in to my habit.

 

Stepping onto the pavement, I pull my coat closer to my body. I love Finland, and Tampere especially, but it does get damn cold here. I search my shoulder bag for a hat, put it on, and slide my fingers into gloves. That’s better – now I am all set to face the cold.

 

The chill still permeates my bones and I hurry home. I have to remove those damn gloves again if I want to open the front door. You simply can’t handle a key properly with gloves on! Once I bested the lock, I step inside, remove my coat, and step out of my boots. Snow covers them and I know it will stain the floor, but I can’t be bothered to clean it up right now. Instead, I head into the kitchen and put on water to make tea. In the past, I would have grabbed a beer, but that’s no longer an option. I do drink beer occasionally, but when I do, I make sure it’s alcohol free.

 

Once the water comes to the boil, I remove a mug from the cupboard and fill it up. After adding a teabag, which, to my horror, says green tea, I sit down at the kitchen table. Green tea? How the hell did something so healthy get into my home? Ah yes, Nakki brought it along because he loves that stuff.

 

Staring into the mug, I sigh deeply. I hate the silence that fills my apartment. These last two weeks have been very unpleasant for me. I used to have two cats, which I loved dearly, but I made the mistake to allow them to roam outside and a neighbor spread poison around. That killed them. If I ever find out who that bastard was, I will feed him some of his own poison and I hope that he will suffer terribly. I hate people who hurt animals, especially cats, which are my babies.

 

I still miss them terribly. I thought about getting two kittens, but somehow I’ve been stalling. I have no idea why. Maybe I should kick my own ass and find out if some are for sale at the local pet store…or wait, what did Nakki say when he visited the last time?

 

Nakki visited because I was feeling down after losing my second cat as well. Narla fought the hardest, lived the longest, and suffered the most, but in the end, the poison defeated her and she died at the vet’s office. Nakki came over and brought that tea along. He also suggested that I shouldn’t get kittens, but cats from the shelter which no one else wants. I dismissed his idea at the time, as I had gotten all my cats as kittens so I could bond with them, but right now, Nakki’s advice doesn’t sound too bad. I feel too old to start over with kittens. They have so much energy and I wouldn’t be able to keep up – man, what a depressing thought. I have grown old – such horror. Mr. Larry Love can’t keep up with two kittens!

 

I chuckle into my tea, nip from it, and consider the matter further. Maybe I should follow Nakki’s advice and go to the shelter to find out if they have cats, which no one else wants to adopt. I’m an experienced cat owner and my apartment is already cat-prove. I have everything cats need. Yeah, maybe I will do that, but I will do so tomorrow. Right now, I’m too beat and it’s too late to go to the shelter.

 

I finish the tea, put the mug into the sink, and head for the bathroom. After wiping back my unruly hair, I study my reflection. I look tired, but there are no dark circles. It’s nothing that a night of good sleep can’t remedy! I remove my clothes save for my boxers and slip between the covers. Yes, I do need some sleep! Yawning, I turn onto my side, push a hand beneath my pillow, and stare at the alarm clock standing next to my bed. It’s only five minutes to eleven and that’s an odd time for me to turn in, but I need sleep!

 

Closing my eyes, I bury deeper into the mattress, tuck the comforter around my body so no cold air can get in, and sigh. I miss company. My cats always curled up in bed with me and I miss them. It’s decided then. I’m heading for the shelter tomorrow to see what they’ve got.

 

~~~

 

My bed is warm and I don’t want to leave it, but that stupid alarm won’t shut up. Somehow, I manage to get an arm above the comforter and I take a swing at it. I miss the little bugger and try again – this time my effort pays off and the clock ends up on the floor and shuts up. My other arm finds a way out of the jungle of fabric heaped upon me and I stretch. I instantly regret opening my eyes as sunlight infiltrates them and I quickly close them again. Why is the sun shining in January? Normally everything is dark and depressing!

 

I hear a click, which signals that my heating just switched itself on and I decide to stay in bed for a few more minutes. It takes a few minutes for my place to warm up. Once the air around me feels warmer, I push down the comforter and look to the right, where my cats used to curl up in the past. I’m getting two new ones, no matter what!

 

After encouraging myself to finally get out of bed and to stop being lazy, I sit upright. My hair is a mess and I run my fingers through it. The curls are my trademark and I was born with them, but every now and then, I hate them and I wish I could cut them off. Jonne would have a fit though if I did.

 

I push myself to my feet and head for the bathroom. There’s only one thing – besides coffee—that will make me feel human in the morning and that’s a hot shower. After getting rid of my boxers and grabbing two towels, I head for the shower cabin, go inside, and switch on the water spray. I relish the feel of the water on my skin. My body likes the warmth too and I grow erect. While I’m still debating if I should ignore it or take care of it, I wash and rinse my hair. It won’t go away by itself and so I bring myself to orgasm with a few firm strokes while thinking of Jonne. Jonne is the perfect vision to jerk off by and it works every time. It’s not like I’m in love with him, but he’s sexy and that does the trick.

 

I make quick work of the rest of my shower, dry my skin, and slip into black boxers, jeans, and a black sweater. I don’t feel like dressing up – I want to feel warm and comfortable instead. With a towel still wrapped around my hair, I head for the kitchen to make coffee. Once the coffee’s done, I sit down, grab my cigarettes, and light one. Exhaling the smoke, I put lots of sugar into my coffee and stir. My gaze travels toward the clock hanging against the wall. It’s eleven in the morning – no wonder the sun woke me! It also means that the shelter’s open and that I can go there now. First though, I need to blow dry my hair, even though that treatment will make it curl even more. I don’t want to head outside with wet hair though. I always get a cold, or even worse, the flu, when I do that.

 

Ten minutes later, my hair is dry and I return to the coffee maker to drink a second cup. After having another cigarette as well, I head for the hallway, only to find a giant stain on the carpet there. That’s what snow mixed with salt does to your carpet! I slip into my boots, put my coat on, and make sure that everything I need is in my shoulder bag – keys, wallet, shawl, extra gloves and my ID card as well. I have no idea what they will ask for at the shelter!

 

Closing the front door behind me, I shoulder my bag and walk onto the street. Bah, it’s fucking cold today and there’s even more snow than last night! While fighting my way through the white masses, I wonder what kind of cats they’ll have at the shelter.

 

~~~

 

“We have quite a large number of cats at the moment. I hope that you will find some which suit you!”

 

I spent a fucking hour sitting behind a desk answering questions. These guys at the shelter take their work serious and they subjected me to the third degree until they were sure that I was the right person to take home some cats. I should be grateful that they’re doing their job so thoroughly, but at the moment I’m frustrated because it’s taking so long.

 

“Let me get Eero for you. He’s been a volunteer here for a month now and he knows these cats best,” the guy from the shelter says. “I’ll be right back.”

 

I nod, but don’t bother to reply. I’m already looking about and I’m shocked to find just how many cats they have in here. I see kittens to my right – and they are damn cute! – and some tomcats to the left. I walk over to the kittens and waggle my fingers. They stick their little paws through the bars so they can play with me. My heart softens at seeing the poor babies, and I wonder if I shouldn’t take these three home with me instead.

 

“I’m sorry, but those are already taken! Their new owner will pick them up later today.”

 

The guy’s back and I turn around. “Pity, they are cute.”

 

“They *are* cute and that’s the reason why kittens are always adopted first.”

 

Now that’s a new voice, but it’s also one which I know. Looking at the newcomer from over my shoulder, I’m surprised to see Eero Honkanen standing there. Isn’t he supposed to be at the clinic?

 

“I’ll leave you with Eero. He’ll help you find your cats. Once you made your choice return to the office, will you? I’ll ready the paperwork in the meantime!”

 

“Sure,” I reply and watch the guy return to his office. Once he’s gone, I turn toward Eero. “Hello.” I’m not sure what to say. I know one thing though: I had better not bring up the fact that I had eavesdropped on him last night. “What are you doing here?” Eero’s expression tells me that he recognized me too. We never hung out together, but Tampere is a small city and everyone knows each other in some way.

 

“Lauri, isn’t it?”

 

I cringe. “Larry, please.” The only one who ever calls me Lauri is my mother. I prefer Larry.

 

“All right, Larry then.” Eero smiles and extends his hand in greeting.

 

I take it, shake it, and study him. He looks well – healthy. His eyes are alert, his skin tone is pale, but it also has a rosy hue. Eero is on the skinny side, but that’s to be expected after cleaning up his act. I wonder what he’s addicted to – alcohol or other drugs? I’m sensitive enough not to ask him that and manage to compose myself. “So what are you doing here?” I say, repeating my earlier question.

 

“I do some volunteer work here. I like animals, so…”

 

Eero apparently doesn’t want to elaborate and I don’t question him further. “That guy from the office said that you can help me find some cats.”

 

“I know all sixty of them—maybe not equally well, but yes, I should be able to help you. What kind of cat are you looking for? Or do you want kittens? If you do, you’ll have to wait. Those three are the only ones we have at the moment and they’re already taken.” Strands of blond hair fall in front of Eero’s face and he quickly bests them by tying his hair in a ponytail.

 

He doesn’t look like the glam rocker which he tried to portray in the past and I find that I like him better this way. Reminding myself that Eero asked me a question, I reply, “I don’t want any kittens – not this time around. I’m looking for cats which no one else wants. You know: disabled ones, or old cats.” Eero cocks his head and gives me the oddest look ever.

 

“Why?”

 

I blink. “Why what?”

 

“Why would you want to take on cats like that? No one else wants them.”

 

Ah, that’s it. “It’s something Nakki said… His cat is from the shelter too and she’s deaf… It made me think… Kittens and younger cats are quickly adopted…but some get left behind…and I want to make their lives better.” Eero’s expression changes and he looks at me with respect.

 

“That’s a great idea. I wanted to adopt one too, but I can’t. Not at the moment.”

 

I fully understand that. They don’t allow pets in the clinic, and as long as he’s staying there, he has to stick to their rules.

 

“How many cats are you looking for?”

 

Eero starts to walk and I follow him. “Two would be perfect. I always used to have two cats in the past.”

 

“Your home is all set for cats then?”

 

Eero looks at me from over his shoulder and I nod. “Everything’s ready for them.”

 

Eero comes to a halt and points at a cage stuck on the bottom of the wall. “No one ever takes an interest in them, but I have a soft spot for them. You’ll like their names.” He grins, bends down, and opens the barred door. “Axl, come over here… It’s just me. There’s no reason to be afraid.”

 

Having grown curious I squat next to Eero and peek into the cage. All I see is something orange. “I already like the name,” I whisper amused.

 

“When they came in, we didn’t know their names so they made some up at the shelter. They named them Axl and Slash…”

 

Eero raises his head, smiles at me, and I grin back. “Those names are perfect. I won’t have to change a thing.”

 

Eero manages to lure the first cat outside and picks her up. Rising from the floor, he says, “Meet Axl…”

 

I cock my head to study the feline better and my heart misses a beat. The poor baby misses an eye and a grey film covers her other eye. “What’s wrong with her?”

 

“Old age and glaucoma – at least at this eye. We don’t know how she lost the other… It was already gone when we got her in.” Eero rubs her behind her ears and the cat purrs loudly. “She loves that.”

 

“Can I hold her?” My heart goes out to the poor animal.

 

“She can be shy around strangers so be careful. If she feels cornered, she might scratch…”

 

Eero carefully places her in my arms. She stiffens at first, but when I rub behind her ears, she relaxes. She doesn’t purr yet, but that’s understandable as she doesn’t know me. “If I take her home with me, what do I need to look out for?”

 

“Not much… She gets around fine. She’s careful, knowing that she can’t see and Slash helps her along.”

 

Eero sits on his heels and tries to lure out the other cat as well. He obviously cares for these babies and I appreciate the fact that he’s looking out for them. They probably got some extra tender loving care from him, which the other cats didn’t.

 

“Don’t be scared, Slash… You know me…” Eero reaches inside the cage and an angry hiss sounds from the inside. “Don’t let him intimidate you,” Eero tells me. “He’s scared… He won’t bite or scratch though. He’s a big coward at heart.”

 

I’ll keep that in mind then. A moment later, Eero lifts a black cat in his arms and once he gets to his feet again, I study the feline. His eyes are clear so what’s wrong with him? Eero catches my questioning gaze and turns to the left.

 

“He misses his right hind leg. He was in a car accident. Some driver hit him and didn’t stop to take him to the vet. When Slash did get here, they had to amputate his leg. He’s also a bit deaf… It’s probably due to the impact of the car.”

 

Looking from the cat in my arms to the one in Eero’s, I realize why Nakki asked me to go to the shelter and not get any kittens. These two won’t be adopted and I don’t want them to spend the rest of their lives in that small cage – I will take them home with me. “How long have they been here?” While keeping a firm hold on Axl, I free a hand and let Slash inhale my scent.

 

“Axl has been here for five months and Slash is closing in on six.” Eero swallows hard and then looks up. “After six months they’re put to sleep, especially the disabled ones. We need the cages for the new ones.”

 

“That’s hard!” And unfair! Slash seems to like my scent and stopped being hostile. Instead, he’s trying to push his head beneath my hand so I can stroke him.

 

“The shelter doesn’t have enough money to feed them all. If it weren’t for the volunteers working here, they would have to put down a lot more cats.”

 

Eero sounds sad, but also pissed off, and I understand him. I would be frustrated too if I cared for cats which were put to sleep eventually. “I’ll adopt these two. They’ll get a good home.”

 

“They deserve that… Keep in mind though that there will be medical bills… They need to be checked regularly.”

 

“That’s okay. My babies always get the best care.” Axl is purring and I cradle her closer against my chest. Slash however seems to prefer Eero’s touch above mine – Eero notices it too and gives me an apologetic look.

 

“Don’t take it personal. Slash is used to having me about and he doesn’t trust easily.”

 

“I understand,” I assure Eero. “I’m a stranger to both of them.” Now that I made up my mind, I want to make it official. “I need to talk to that guy again and probably sign some papers.”

 

“And pay for their adoption.” Eero cuddles Slash one more time and then puts him back into the cage. “I hope you know that they require care…”

 

“Trust me, I do. I wouldn’t adopt them if I wasn’t sure that I could care for them properly.” I bend down and assist Axl into the cage as well. The two cats move to the back and curl up there. “Do you think I can take them home with me today?”

 

Eero however shakes his head. “They’ll probably tell you to pick them up tomorrow. They’ll get one last medical checkup, and once they’re declared fine, you can have them.”

 

Eero sounds sad. “You will miss them.”

 

He nods and then shrugs. “I cared for them during this last month. If I had been able to adopt them, I would have. They’re sweet and once they trust you, they want to cuddle and… Yes, I will miss them.”

 

Eero walks toward the corridor and I fall into step beside him. I know what it’s like to grow attached to cats and I don’t want him to feel sad. “You can visit them whenever you want.” Eero’s head jerks up and he gives me a surprised look. “I’m serious,” I continue. “You can drop by whenever you want. When I’m not home, and touring, they’ll be at my mother’s and I will tell her to let you in. She lives in the same apartment building as I do.”

 

“You don’t have to do that… Sure, I’ll miss them, but… I can’t just drop by like that.”

 

“Why not? People drop by all the time.”

 

“But that’s different. You hardly know me,” Eero states.

 

“Then I’ll get to know you. I already know that you like cats…” I shrug. I have no idea what the problem is. Eero bites onto his bottom lip and I wonder what’s coming next.

 

“I can’t drop by like that… I need to be…at the…clinic…and there are rules… I can’t leave without their…consent.”

 

Eero turns his head away from me. I know that telling me is painful and that he feels ashamed because of it. I know that because I felt the same way in the past. I didn’t want people to know that I was staying at a clinic either and that I had to abide to the rules there. “But you can ask their permission to visit with me, can’t you?”

 

Eero’s eyes grow big. “You’re not surprised to hear that…”

 

Eero doesn’t finish, and knowing it’s because he feels ashamed, I finish for him. “That you’re staying at the clinic? Eero, I stayed there two years ago. I’m an alcoholic – sober, but still… I can always suffer a setback. I’m the last person to condemn you for getting help.” Eero relaxes during my little speech and I smile at him. “Just ask them.”

 

“I might…”

 

We reached the office and Eero turns around. I don’t want him to leave like that though. “I’ll pick up those cats tomorrow… Will you be here when I do? I might need a hand with them.”

 

“I don’t work on Fridays…” Eero says hesitantly. “But…If you really want me here, I will come over.”

 

“That would be great. They don’t trust me yet and your presence will soothe them.” Eero shuffles his feet nervously, but then looks at me and makes eye contact.

 

“How late?”

 

“How about four in the afternoon? I have band rehearsal tomorrow and can’t drop by earlier.”

 

“Four is…doable… I’ll be there.”

 

Eero gives me a weak smile and then walks down the corridor. The guy inside the office is already giving me expectant looks, but I need a moment to think about what happened just now. For some reason I feel like I’m about to adopt three cats instead of two – two felines and one on two legs.

 

TBC

 

 

 

 

Part 2

 

 I’m not sure what to make of the conversation which I just had with Larry. I had seen him before – Tampere is a small world after all, but I had never really talked to him. I had no idea that he was interested in cats and I’m thrilled that Axl and Slash will get a second chance. If Larry is crazy about cats, those two will want for nothing.

 

I draw in a deep, steadying breath before I enter the clinic. I hate this part the most. They search me for drugs, take some of my blood and run a test on it. Once it’s clear that I’m clean, I’m allowed to head for my room.

 

I’ll never think of the clinic as my home, but it has to do for now. Until my therapist feels convinced that I can manage on my own, he wants me here. I ignore my fellow patients and quickly slip into my room. I’m happy that I don’t have to share with one of them. Most of these rooms house two, maybe even three patients, but I was lucky and got a single.

 

I switch on the music and listen to Ville’s voice that fills the room. I had talked to Ville twice since I’m here. The first time had been on the phone and that conversation had been very awkward. Ville had told about his time in the army and I hadn’t said much, as I hadn’t been sure that he still wanted to be friends. Ville however had convinced me that we’re still friends and he had visited me a month ago, which had made me feel uncomfortable. Ville coming to the clinic to talk to me had made me feel like a failure and I had asked him not to visit again as long as I was stuck here. So we write messages over the phone, or if Ville has the time, we use email. My time at the computer is very limited though. I’m only allowed to use it for fifteen minutes a day.

 

A look at the clock tells me that it’s time for me to turn in. A nurse will check on me in ten minutes and I should be in bed by that time. At first, I had a hard time abiding to their rules, but after a while, I had realized that the daily routine was beneficial to me.

 

I strip down to my boxers and slip beneath the covers. I keep the music on – I like Flinch and hearing Ville’s voice makes me feel less lonely. Ten minutes later, there is a knock on the door and the nurse peeks inside.

 

“Sleep tight, Eero!”

 

“Thanks,” I whisper and she closes the door again. I’m not sure I can sleep though as too many thoughts occupy my mind. I wonder why Larry invited me back tomorrow. He could pick up the cats by himself. They liked him and will warm up to him – I’m sure of that. Yet Larry wants me there too. Oh shit, I should have asked the nurse if it’s okay if I leave the clinic for some hours tomorrow. There’s nothing I can do about that now – it will have to wait until tomorrow.

 

~~~

 

“I’m sorry that you have to stay at the clinic for the weekend, Eero.”

 

I know that my therapist is honest. He thinks that I’m ready for the next step, which is to go on leave for the weekend, but as no one wants to take on that responsibility I’m stuck here. “But it’s okay for me to go to the shelter and help Larry with the cats?”

 

My therapist nods. “Sure, as long as you’re in at nine.” He gives me a thoughtful look and then adds, “This Larry seems like a nice guy.”

 

“I don’t really know him. Sure, I’ve seen him about, but we never talked. We said hello to each other and that’s about it.” I moisten my bottom lip – I’m not sure I should say this, but my therapist will find out anyway. “Larry’s a recovering alcoholic. He spent some time here in the past.”

 

“Ah…” My therapist nods. “And how is he doing at the moment?”

 

“He’s sober… At least, I didn’t hear any rumors about him drinking again.” Tampere is a small city – when there’s news, it travels fast – really fast!

 

“You need to be careful though,” my therapist advices. “You might not have a problem with alcohol, but it wouldn’t be the first time that people exchange one addiction for another.”

 

“I don’t think it’s a big problem. I won’t be spending much time with him at any rate. I’ll help him move the cats, maybe have coffee, and that’s it.”

 

“I’m glad you told me though. Eero, you have come such a long way and I want you to succeed. I want you to have a life away from your addiction. You have realized that you can live without abusing your medication – that you don’t need pills to feel good about yourself. All that I’m saying is: be careful.”

 

I nod to show that I understand. “I’ll be careful.”

 

~~~

 

At a quarter to four, I’m standing next to Axl and Slash’s traveling baskets. I already transferred them and they’re mewing like mad. They know that something is about to change, but they don’t know what to expect. “It’s okay… It really is… You’re just going home with Larry and he will take good care of you.”

 

“You’re early!”

 

Larry’s voice makes me shift my gaze from the cats to the doorway. Larry’s early though too and I can tell that he rushed over here as he’s panting slightly.

 

“Jonne didn’t want to put a stop to our rehearsal, so I’m later than I thought. How are my babies doing?” Larry squats next to their baskets and wiggles his fingers to attract their attention.

 

“They’re excited.” And if my eyes don’t deceive me, so is Larry. His hair is a mess, his face glows softly, and his eyes shine with curiosity.

 

“I’m thrilled too,” he admits. “It’s so lonely and quiet at home without them! I want some cats around!”

 

His statement makes me smile. “Do you want to hang out here or do you want to get going?” Larry picks up Slash’s basket and nods repeatedly. I guess that’s a yes. I pick up Axl, and once we’re past the office, where Larry has to sign some papers, we’re on the curb. I shiver as it is cold and I wish I had brought my gloves along.

 

“That’s my car over there. It’s only a five minute drive!” Larry heads for the brown Mustang and gets inside. He opens the passenger’s door and I slide onto the seat next to him. Larry puts Slash’s basket onto the backseat and I hold Axl’s on my lap.

 

“I love Finland, but I could do without winter,” Larry remarks as he starts the engine. The car comes into motion and we head for the city center.

 

“I kind of like it… I don’t mind the cold, or the snow, but I’m not too fond of it being dark most of the time.”

 

Larry nods, concentrates on driving, and we pass by the Amadeus music bar. A few minutes later, the car comes to a stop and Larry shuts down the engine.

 

“Home!” Larry announces and points at the apartment building to the right. “I live at the top floor. Jonne always calls it my penthouse!” Larry grins.

 

A look outside tells me that it doesn’t resemble a penthouse very much, but hey, I’m not going to complain about that. We get out of the car, pick up the cats, and head for the front door, which Larry unlocks. We ride the elevator to the top floor and get off again.

 

“Don’t expect luxury,” Larry says and gives me a warning look.

 

“I don’t expect anything except a good home for the cats.” A bright smile appears on Larry’s face and I can tell my remark made him happy. Larry unlocks the door and we step inside. He’s right – the place is not luxurious, but it’s clean and welcoming.

 

“I created a corner for them in the living room! Let’s take them there!”

 

I follow Larry into the living room and smile. There’s a big leather couch, which the cats will doubtlessly use to sharpen their claws on. A bookcase, a television, and a little dining area in the back complete the living room. It feels cozy in a way – I like it. Larry sits down on the floor, opens the basket, and lures out Slash.

 

“This is your new home, baby. I know that you need time getting used to it, but you’ll like it here… I promise you that.” Slash carefully moves about, finds the comfortable pillows, which Larry placed beneath the heating and mews approvingly. Next, we release Axl and Slash guides his buddy to the pillows as well. They curl up and groom each other. “I’ll show you your toilet in a moment,” Larry announces. He looks at me and adds, “Let’s give them a moment to settle in.”

 

I nod – that’s a good idea. Everything seems to be going well and I’m starting to wonder why I’m here in the first place. Larry obviously doesn’t need my help with his new cats. “I should get going.”

 

“No, wait! We just got here!” Larry’s back on his feet within seconds and makes his way over to me. “Do you want coffee? I have tea too in case you prefer that.”

 

I feel shy for some reason and avert my gaze. “Tea would be great.”

 

“You’ll get your tea. Want to join me in the kitchen?”

 

Larry walks away from me and I follow him. The kitchen is small and was white once. Larry needs to paint the walls again, but he doesn’t seem to mind the state his kitchen is in.

 

“Sit down,” Larry says and points at the kitchen table.

 

I comply and watch him make tea. He’s at ease and hums a tune. “Axl and Slash will love it here.”

 

“I hope so! It will take time before they know their way about, but we will manage!” Larry places two mugs with hot tea on the kitchen table. He straddles a chair and sits down opposite me. “I might have some cookies somewhere.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. Tea’s fine with me.” It surprises me that everything is clean and sorted out in here. I didn’t take Larry for someone who loves to clean. Larry must have followed the direction of my look, or maybe he just read my thoughts, because suddenly he starts speaking.

 

“My mum helps me to keep everything organized. Trust me, when I’m on my own, it’s a mess in here.”

 

I smile at him from over the rim of my mug. “I *did* wonder about that.” Larry swirls the tea in his mug in the hope it will cool down further and gives me curious looks. He doesn’t want to pry though and holds back. “What do you want to know? I can’t promise that I’ll answer, but… You can try.”

 

“I was wondering what you’re in for. In my case, it’s no secret. Everyone knows that I have an alcohol problem.”

 

Although Larry sounds confidant, I hear self-doubt in his voice. He doesn’t want to pressure me, but at the same time, he’s offering me a chance to talk to him. Therapy taught me that’s important to talk to people and I accept his offer. “I don’t have a problem with alcohol. I have a problem with pills… tranquilizers, sleeping pills – things like that. I used them in the past to sedate myself.” My therapist would be proud of me if he knew I was opening up to Larry. “That’s why I needed help and ended up at the clinic.” Larry nods absentmindedly and continues to swirl the tea.

 

“And how about pot? You smoked a lot of it.”

 

“You’re right about that. I have to be careful around that too. I don’t smoke it anymore.” I stopped smoking altogether to make it easier for me to say no – to joints and to cigarettes in general. Larry however just reached for his cigarettes and wanted to remove one from the package. “You can smoke,” I tell him when he gives me an inquisitive look. “I’m okay with that.”

 

“Thanks…” Larry removes one from the package and lights it. He blows the smoke into a different direction – away from me. “Seems like you’re doing well.”

 

“I am. I got the best care I could ask for. I guess it also makes a difference that I agreed to being admitted to the clinic. I wanted help; I just didn’t know where to start.” I sip from the tea and wonder where this conversation will lead. My stomach growls loudly and interrupts my thoughts. “Sorry about that.” I had skipped lunch to get to the shelter in time.

 

“I have food in the house… I can make dinner,” Larry suggests.

 

“No, you don’t need to do that.” I don’t want to be a burden. “I need to get going anyway.”

 

“How late do you have to report in?” Larry gets to his feet and searches the fridge.

 

“At nine…” Damn, I spoke without thinking it over first. It’s only six and I have three hours left. Now Larry might want to make dinner and keep me here.

 

“Then we have ample of time to make dinner and eat it.” Larry removes minced meat from the fridge. “Do you like chili?”

 

“As long as it isn’t too spicy.” I’m about to protest again, when Larry simply dismisses my objections with a flick of his hand.

 

“You’re invited for dinner and not accepting would be rude. You don’t want to be rude, do you?”

 

Bah, that’s mean! I know that trick from Ville! “Larry, I don’t think you should go through so much trouble just because—“ Axl and Slash cut me short. They found the way into the kitchen and mew loudly.

 

“Be sweet and show them their toilet, will you? It’s in the bathroom, first door on the right.”

 

Larry points me toward the hallway and I get to my feet again. It looks like I’m stuck here – for dinner at least.


~~~

 

Larry’s chili tastes good; I have to give him that. I didn’t think he could cook.

 

“Do you like it?”

 

He peeks at me through a myriad of curls and I nod. “It’s good.” I eat some more and then I have to stop. I feel like I’m about to burst.

 

“Hey, you didn’t finish,” Larry objects.

 

“Trust me; this is more than I normally eat. Take that as a compliment.” It’s true: I’m not a big fan of chili.

 

“Does that mean you don’t want dessert?”

 

“Dessert? You never mentioned dessert!”

 

“It slipped my mind… I have chocolate mousse in the fridge. Jonne never wants any…he says that it has too many calories and will make him fat, but you are not like that, are you?”

 

Larry gives me a hopeful look and I would feel guilty if I denied him. “I’ll try some.”

 

“That’s great.” Larry pushes his empty plate away from him.

 

I expect him to jump to his feet to get the mousse, but first, he lights a cigarette. “That’s bad for your lungs.” Now that I quit, I feel like I have the right to say that.

 

Larry chuckles. “Hey, we must die of something! It doesn’t really matter from what!”

 

I’m about to point out to him that he doesn’t have to die of lung cancer if he stops smoking now, but I don’t want to come across as a know-it-all.

 

“Let’s wait with dessert for a few minutes and look after the cats instead.” Larry rises from his chair, grins, and walks into the living room.

 

Argh, the man confuses me! I get up and follow him. Axl and Slash peacefully curled up on their pillows and are enjoying the heat the radiator emits. “They look happy.”

 

Larry nods. “They feel at home, which is good.” Larry leaves them alone, knowing they need time to digest everything and he heads for the couch instead. He sits down and raises an eyebrow. “Are you going to stand there until nine?”

 

I quickly check the time – it’s only eight. I move over to the couch and sit down at the other end. The moment I make contact with it, I start sliding until I’m practically stretched out. This couch is heaven! It’s even better than a bed.

 

Larry grins knowingly. “Better than a bed, don’t you think?”

 

“You’re right… Must be sticky though in summer – the leather, I mean.”

 

“Thankfully it doesn’t get that hot in here.” Larry finishes his cigarette and puts the bud in the ashtray. “Can I ask you some more questions?”

 

I bet he waited for me to feel relaxed before asking me that! I nod though. “What do you want to know?”

 

“Where do you live? Do you still live with your parents or…?”

 

“I have a small apartment… I live there on my own. My mother lives in Turku. I have a sister, but she moved to Rovaniemi, so I don’t see her often.” I don’t mind answering that question as I don’t consider it painful. “Anything else?” Larry lights another cigarette and I start so suspect that I have a chain smoker on my hands.

 

“If you’re doing well at the clinic they’ll let you go on leave shortly…”

 

I nod: Larry’s right about that. So why is he inquiring about it?

 

“Do you have a place to stay? I know what they’re like at the clinic. They want someone to supervise you. When they let me go on leave, Jonne took me in during the weekends and he kept an eye on me, which was a necessity. If it had been up to me, I would have gotten drunk those first weekends.”

 

It’s nice that he’s opening up to me in turn: it makes me feel more comfortable. I don’t feel like a failure, like I did when Ville visited me at the clinic. “I don’t think I’ll go back to abusing pills, but you’re right: they don’t want me out there on my own yet.” Larry’s eyes widen and I realize that he has come up with another question. This one might be unpleasant though.

 

“Why were you taking pills to begin with?”

 

I hesitate. I don’t know if I want to reveal more of myself to Larry who’s practically a stranger. In the end, I say, “I was depressed.” That must do. Thankfully, Larry understands that I don’t want to tell him more than that, and he lets the matter rest. I get up from the couch and walk over to the cats. Sitting cross-legged, I pet Axl and Slash is quick to complain that he isn’t getting any attention so I rub behind his ears.

 

I didn’t notice Larry getting up, but a moment later, he returns with dessert and places the mousse onto the coffee table. I don’t want to be rude, so I kiss the two buggers goodbye and return to the couch. I manage a few spoonfuls of mousse and then put it aside. “I’m sorry, but I’m full.” Larry doesn’t finish his dessert either. He has a pensive expression on his face and I wonder what’s going on in that head of his.

 

“I want to tell you something,” Larry starts. “And you don’t have to accept. You don’t have to answer me right away. Just think it over first.”

 

I have no idea what he’s talking about and wait for him to continue. He doesn’t look nervous, just…restless.

 

“I was lucky that Jonne took me in during the weekends back then and I want to offer you the same thing. If you need a place to stay and a person to keep an eye on you, I’ll do it. You can tell your therapist so and you can give him my name and phone number.” Larry slides his card over the coffee table. “I’m serious about this. I know what it entails.”

 

I can’t believe he actually wants to do that for me! “But Larry, you wouldn’t have a free moment.”

 

“I don’t mind. Back then, I wasn’t thrilled either that Jonne and I would be joined at the hip on weekends, but we got to know each other better, wrote some great songs, and our friendship grew stronger because of it. I know that you hardly know me, but I know what you’re going through and what it is like when you have to face the world again. I can help you with that – if you want my help, that is.”

 

“Larry, I don’t know what to say.” His offer overwhelms me!

 

“You don’t need to say anything. Just think it over. Talk to your therapist, and if you decide to take me up on it, let me know, and I’ll pick you up at the clinic.”

 

Surprised I stare at Larry. I don’t doubt that he knows what he’s getting himself into, but why would he go to such great lengths for a stranger? “You barely know me.”

 

“But I know what you have been through. I know what you need. In the past, I always needed people to support me. I want that to change. I want to be there for someone else instead.”

 

Everything he says makes sense, but I’m still not sure I should accept.

 

“Think and talk it over,” Larry repeats his advice. “And if you like, I’ll drive you to the clinic in ten minutes. Then you don’t have to walk through the snow.”

 

I find it hard to accept Larry’s generosity. Normally people aren’t like that, but maybe Larry’s different. There’s only one way to find out: the question however is, am I strong enough to try? I have nothing to lose though. “I’ll talk it over with my therapist and I’ll let you drive me back to the clinic.” Larry gives me a big smile and I smile back at him.

 

~~~

 

Larry waves at me when I am on my way over to the front door of the clinic. It feels odd, but also great, to know that someone is interested in my well-being. Yes, my mother worries about me too, but she’s in Turku and that is different. Larry is someone who doesn’t have to be interested in me – who hardly knows me and yet, he cares.

 

I hardly notice them searching me for drugs or me giving blood and before I know it, I’m in my room again, but this time sitting here feels different. Larry gave me hope. He wants to take me in during the weekend and he’s willing to keep an eye on me. I don’t think it’s necessary, but it’s nice to know that he’s willing to do that.

 

Curling up in bed, I close my eyes, and fall asleep with a smile on my face.

 

TBC

 

 

 

 

 

Part 3

 

“I haven’t seen that certain look on your face in a long time.”

 

That’s typically Jonne. No one else notices my odd mood, but he does. It’s no surprise though as Jonne knows me best. Antti, Nakki, and Jay are good friends too, but it’s Jonne who knows how to read my every mood. Thankfully, our rehearsal has ended. I found it hard to concentrate as my thoughts kept drifting back to Eero.

 

“Care to tell me what’s going on?”

 

A look tells me that Antti, Nakki, and Jay left and that it’s just Jonne and me at our training room. The guys probably realized that I need to talk and they know that I open up to Jonne the easiest. “I have new cats.”

 

Jonne slides closer on the couch and smiles at me. How sweet and deceitful Jonne can be. He can be an angel, but also a devil. “How did you get them? What are they called?”

 

“Their names are Axl and Slash.” At hearing that, Jonne burst out laughing. “Hey, I didn’t name them that! They already had those names at the shelter!”

 

“There’s no need to defend yourself.” Jonne grins and elbows me in the side. “You got them at the shelter? I thought you wanted two kittens from that breeder you got your last cats from?”

 

“Nakki changed my mind… He talked me into giving the cats at the shelter a chance. I ended up adopting two. Axl misses an eye and is practically blind on the other and Slash misses a leg.”

 

Jonne grows serious. “You did something great. You gave them a home. Cats like that don’t get adopted – they’re put down instead.”

 

I know Jonne resents the fact that he can’t keep pets himself. It’s because of that stupid allergy. Each time he visits me, he has to take pills and he never stays long, so most of the time, I visit him. “They’re sweet. Tomorrow I found them curled up on the same pillow. I have a feeling though that it won’t take them long to find out the whereabouts of my bed.”

 

“You want them to find out! You like curling up with them! When we’re on tour, you always complain that you miss them!”

 

I grin: Jonne is right, of course: though in the past it was Christus who had to listen to most of my moaning, as we always shared rooms. Since Christus left, that has changed and these days I share with Jonne. “Good thing I have another cat in my bed during our tour.”

 

Jonne pouts. “I’m not a cat!”

 

“I meant it as a compliment!” Jonne is always so predictable!

 

“In that case you’re forgiven.”

 

Jonne rests his head against my shoulder and purrs softly. No cat, my ass! “So what are your plans for the weekend?”

 

“Not much… Ville is still stuck at the army and Tommi’s heading up north, claiming he wants some peace and quiet. I will curl up on my couch and watch some DVDs. What about you?”

 

Jonne turns his head and looks at me. All right – this is it. “I invited someone over, but I don’t know if he will accept.” Jonne’s eyes flash with curiosity and now the interrogation will begin: Jonne is extremely curious.

 

“Who did you invite over? And why aren’t you sure he will accept?”

 

“Do you remember Eero? Ville’s friend?” Jonne nods and I continue. “He works at the shelter and last night he helped me settle in the cats.”

 

Jonne raises his head away from my shoulder and his eyes narrow in thought. “Eero’s at that clinic. Ville told me.”

 

“Yes, he is, but he’s doing well and they’re allowing him to go on leave. You took me in when I was allowed out for the weekends, remember?”

 

“Of course I remember! And I also remember the number of times that I had to kick your ass in order to keep you away from alcohol.”

 

“And I love you for that.” I kiss Jonne’s brow and he smiles at me. “Eero needs someone who kicks his butt too.”

 

“Are you suggesting I take in Eero?” Jonne raises an eyebrow.

 

I chuckle. “No! I offered to take him in. You helped me back then and I want to do the same thing for Eero. I know how important it is to have someone watch your back, especially during those first few weekends.” Jonne’s expression softens and he takes my hand in his so he can rub my fingers.

 

“You have come such a long way. I’m so fucking proud of you!” Jonne’s face shines with pride.

 

I bury his hand in mine and squeeze gently. “I hope he accepts my offer.”

 

“Doesn’t he have anyone else who can take him in?”

 

“His mother lives in Turku and his sister in Rovaniemi and you know what it is like – you need someone who knows what they’re up against. I *do* think that I’m right for that job as I went through it myself.”

 

“I hope Eero will accept…” Jonne rests his head against my shoulder again and we sit like that for a few more minutes, simply enjoying the relaxed atmosphere.

 

~~~

 

This is perfect. I’m on the couch and Axl and Slash curled up on my lap. Well, Axl did and Slash is moving higher toward my chest area. Both my hands are busy stroking their fur, and when the mobile phone rings, Axl and Slash hiss at the device. Chuckling, I pet their heads. “Come on now, daddy has to answer that call.” They don’t agree, if I interpret their hissing correctly, but allow me to pick up the phone. “Larry here.” For one long moment, the line remains quiet and I wonder if it is a prank call.

 

“It’s me… Eero… I hope I’m not disturbing you?”

 

“No, you’re not. I was just cuddling on the couch with my babies.” I’m happy to hear his voice again: it’s a good sign that he’s calling that quickly. “How are you?”

 

“I talked to my therapist…and we discussed…your offer.”

 

He sounds shy – insecure – and I understand why. “What did he say?”

 

“He wants to meet you before he’ll let me stay with you. He wants to be sure that you’re someone who stands his ground. But don’t worry. I already told him that I can’t ask you to come in for something like that. I really don’t want to cause problems.”

 

Oh, I recognize that behavior. I acted like that when I found out that Jonne was willing to take me on. “Eero, it’s no problem for me to come in and talk to your therapist.”

 

“Are you sure? Don’t you have plans or something like that?”

 

He’s testing me. Eero doesn’t know it himself, but that’s what he’s doing. I did the same thing and put Jonne to the test too. “How late does your therapist want me there?” I hear voices in the background and realize it’s Eero asking his therapist so I wait patiently.

 

“He was wondering if you could drop by in one hour. It won’t take long.”

 

Eero sounds awfully shy and nervous on top of it. “I can do that. I’ll be there. Why don’t you pick me up at the entrance and show me the way?” I want him involved. I want him to be active.

 

“I’ll be there,” Eero promises in a tiny voice. “Larry, you don’t have to do this.”

 

“I’ll see you in one hour!” I end the conversation and look at my babies. “Great news: Eero will be spending time with us again. You want that, don’t you?” Both cats purr loudly and I chuckle. They seem to agree.

 

~~~

 

As promised, Eero stands near the doorway and is waiting for me. Whenever I enter the clinic I want to grab a cigarette, but it’s prohibited and unfortunately I have to abide to those rules. “Hello!” I say, greeting Eero and wave at him. Although Eero looks nervous, there’s a pleased expression in his eyes as well. “Thanks for calling me! I had hoped you would, but I wasn’t sure.” I take hold of his hand and shake it. While doing so, I notice the minute tremors shaking it.

 

“I surprised myself by doing so. My therapist encouraged me though.”

 

I release Eero’s hand and follow him down the corridor. “You look good today.” I want him to feel secure and complimenting Eero is one way to accomplish that. To my surprise, Eero blushes and giggles shyly.

 

“Thanks… I feel good today… I had a great evening last night and I want to thank you for that.”

 

I’m happy to see Eero smile like that. He should smile more often as it makes him even more attractive. “I had a great evening too.” Apparently, we reached the right office and Eero opens the door. A middle-aged man with short brown hair and glasses is waiting inside and gets to his feet upon our entry.

 

“I’m Mika. I’m Eero’s therapist,” he says and offers me his hand in greeting.

 

I shake it and realize I know the man. “Didn’t you substitute for my regular therapist at one time?”

 

Mika’s eyes widen and then he smiles. “Ah yes, I remember you! You went mad each time I called you Lauri!”

 

I give the therapist a dirty look. “I don’t like the name: it’s as simple as that.”

 

“Ah, you still sulk!” Mika smiles and gestures for us to sit down.

 

I sit down and watch Eero who takes the chair the furthest away from us. He pulls his knees close to his chest and wraps his arms around them. I know why he’s doing that – he feels insecure. “So… You’re letting out Eero?”

 

Mika nods. “He can spend some days at your place, if you vouch for him. We want you to keep an eye on him and bring him back in case he goes back to his old ways.”

 

I raise an eyebrow at hearing that. “What do I need to do?”

 

Mika reaches for a blister pack on the table. “These are the pills which Eero needs to take for his depression. One pill each day – preferably in the morning when he’s having breakfast. They look like this. They’re green.”

 

I take hold of the blister pack when Mika hands it to me. “I can do that.”

 

“If you see him taking other pills then bring him back. Eero was addicted to tranquillizers and sleeping pills for over a year. It’s hard to kick that habit, but he did.”

 

I nod. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

 

“No alcohol either. Eero doesn’t have a problem with it, but he can’t drink while taking his meds,” Mika explains.

 

“We had tea when he visited the other day and I don’t keep alcohol in the house,” I tell him.

 

“How long have you been sober now?” Mika asks.

 

Proudly, I reply, “Two years now. When I *do* drink it’s non-alcoholic beer, nothing else.”

 

“Keep it that way!” Mika’s gaze shifts from me to Eero. “Are you okay with this arrangement?”

 

Eero nods thoughtfully. “But only if it isn’t a hassle for Larry.”

 

“It’s no problem for me.” I need to do better though – I know that. I fought Jonne too when I went through that stage. “I’m looking forward to spending time with you.”

 

“I’ll take some books and magazines with me… I’ll read and will be out of your hair,” Eero says.

 

I chuckle loudly. “Out of my hair? Eero, my hair is everywhere…” That remark does it and Eero smiles back at me. Humor always works. “Seriously, we’ll have a good time.” I turn toward the therapist and ask, “How long can I keep him?” From out of the corner of my eye, I catch Eero growing flustered and I can’t help but notice how cute he looks like that.

 

“It’s Saturday afternoon already,” the therapist muses. “Return him on Tuesday morning, if that’s okay with you. At nine.”

 

“That’s fine with me,” I act quickly, seeing Eero wanting to object again. I move my chair closer to Eero’s and look him in the eye. “Don’t worry: we’ll have a great time together and the cats will love seeing you again.” Eero releases a deep sigh and I recognize it for what it is: surrender.

 

“Go pack your weekend bag,” Mika says as he rises from the chair. “And don’t screw this up, all right?”

 

Eero nods and makes eye contact with me. I know he won’t. He wants this to work.

 

~~~

 

I accompany Eero to his room and am impressed that he managed to give it a personal touch. I didn’t bother with personal belongings when I was here. Eero however put up pictures, has a good collection of books, and there is a guitar in the corner. I watch him as he packs for his stay and I see the secretive smile on his face – he might not want to show it, but he’s damn happy that he’s getting out.

 

“Thanks for doing this,” Eero says as he zips up his bag. “I had given up hope that I would find someone willing to put up with me.”

 

“It’s not a chore. I think you’ll make good company!” Eero heads for the guitar and seems to consider taking it along. “You can bring it, sure, but you don’t need to. I have lots of guitars at home and you’re free to use them.”

 

“Are you sure? There are guitarists who don’t want strangers to touch them.”

 

“I’m not one of them and you’re hardly a stranger.” I pick up his bag and ignore his protest, telling me that he can carry it himself. “Do you have everything?”

 

Eero considers my question and then marches into the bathroom, where he gathers his toiletries. “I’m all set now!” Eero stuffs them into a plastic bag and gives me an expectant look. “I’m ready when you are!”

 

I like the growing enthusiasm he displays. I have the feeling that these next few days will be interesting indeed.

 

~~~

 

“Why are we stopping?”

 

Eero looks surprised and I don’t blame him. “We need food! I have lots of cat food at home, but I doubt we want to eat that.” I park the car, kill the engine, and get out. “What are you waiting for? Move!” Eero jumps out of the car and gives me a confused look. If he thinks I’ll drive him home where he can hide in his room, he’s mistaken. We enter the supermarket and I wonder what to get. “What kind of food do you like?”

 

“I eat almost everything.”

 

“Almost everything? What don’t you eat then?”

 

“Fish… I hate fish…”

 

The apologetic look Eero gives me tells me that he’s still unsure about this. “All right, no fish. Let’s do pasta and meat instead. You get everything we need to make pasta and I’ll find us some meat and veggies.”

 

“I didn’t think you would eat so healthily.”

 

“You’re in for a number of surprises then and now scoot! Find our food.” Eero’s smile almost blinds me when he takes off. He’s glad to have his freedom back. I walk down the aisle and ignore the Alko shop at the other side of the shopping center. It took time, but I learned to deal with my addiction.

 

“Is this all right?”

 

Eero’s back already. The guy is quick! I have a look at the items in his arms and nod. He would have been disappointed if I hadn’t checked on them. “I still need meat though.”

 

“How about chicken?” Eero suggests.

 

“Sure, throw it into the cart.” We move on, add potato slices and frozen peas, and head toward the bakery department where I get bread. We need breakfast as well!

 

“Uh, just how long do you think I’m staying?” Eero asks.

 

I look into our cart and realize that most of my favorite food found a place there, including four boxes of my favorite kind of Pringles. “Don’t worry. If you don’t like them I will eat them!” I add popcorn and soft drinks, and we head for the cashier. I pay for the food and ignore Eero’s attempt to let him pay for part of it. “That’s nonsense,” I tell him. “You’re a guest!” That shuts Eero up. I hope I didn’t hurt his feelings though and I make eye contact to find out where we stand. His eyes glitter with mirth. We’re okay then.

 

While we take our groceries to the car, we pass by the Alko shop and I sigh. Even though I’ve been sober for quite a while, temptation always lurks around the corner.

 

“We’re not going in there,” Eero states firmly.

 

I cock my head and smile at him. Eero’s actually looking out for me. “No, we’re not. We’re having soft drinks instead.”

 

“We’re such evil rockers,” Eero jokes and I burst out laughing. “We stick to diet coke instead.”

 

“And it’s best that way.” Eero distracted me and I no longer pay the Alko any attention. I put our stuff in the trunk of we get into the car again. It’s dark already and I’ll be happy when we’re home.

 

~~~

 

Loud and demanding mews erupt the moment we step inside my apartment. Apparently, someone feels neglected. “I’m going to put this away… You can cuddle with them in the meantime.” I move into the kitchen and put the food and drinks in the fridge and cupboards. From where I stand, I have a good view of the living room and see that Axl and Slash wasted no time in getting to Eero. Eero sits down on the floor and they climb onto his lap while purring loudly.

 

Once I stocked everything away, I join Eero in the living room and sit down next to him. Slash moves over to me, but Axl remains on Eero’s lap. “What do you think? Do they already feel at home here?”

 

“I do.” Eero pets Axl and then raises his head. “Thanks for having me.”

 

“I’ll show you the guest room in a moment. It’s not much, but it has a comfortable sleeping couch and you have privacy there. You can close the door behind you whenever you want.”

 

“I’m not going to cause you trouble,” Eero says in a remarkably soft voice. “You’ll hardly notice that I’m here. I’ll just read some books and—“

 

I interrupt him. “I have to disappoint you. Tomorrow, you won’t get much of a chance to do that. I have band rehearsal at two PM and you’re coming along. After that, we’ll hang out at the training room.”

 

“But I don’t want to intrude on the band.”

 

Eero seems unhappy with my announcement. Too bad for him, for he *is* coming along. “Don’t worry about the rest of the guys. They’re all down to earth and you’ll get along with them.” Eero remains unconvinced though: I’ll continue to work on that.

 

~~~

 

“The room’s nice,” Eero says, looking about.

 

It’s not much. The room is three by three – tiny really—but it will have to do for now. I grab hold of the couch and turn it into a bed. “I’ll get you a pillow and a comforter… You can put your stuff in there.” It’s a build in closet and I don’t use it, so it’s empty. I collect the pillow and comforter and hand them to Eero. “We need to put some bed linen on it though.” I brought that along too. “Want to help?”

 

Trying to get the bed linen on proves rather entertaining – especially the comforter presents us with a challenge and we end up giggling. In the end, we manage and Eero’s bed is ready. “I’ll show you the bathroom too. You can put your things there too.” Eero picks up the plastic bag and follows me obediently into the bathroom. I have the feeling though that he’s not meek by nature and I wonder how long it will take for him to put down his foot. “That shelf over there is practically empty. You can put your things on it.” I watch him remove everything from the bag and I must laugh when I see body lotion, which is for babies. That’s the perfect opportunity to pester him a little. “Got baby’s skin…?”

 

Eero doesn’t know what to make of my remark at first and gives me a confused look, but then he puts two and two together. I wonder what his reaction will be like and wait curiously.

 

Eero laughs and nods. “I have very dry skin and that’s the only brand that works for me. You’re free to use it if you want to try it for yourself.”

 

I beam at hearing that. I had hoped he would play along instead of growing angry. It tells me a lot about Eero’s character. “Thanks, but I don’t need it. Are you hungry? It’s already nine o’clock and we should eat something.” Eero lowers his gaze, nods, and then peeks at me again. He reminds me of a cat, trying to find out where he stands with his new owner, but then again, I always thought that cats own their human. Eero is starting to wind me around his little finger. “How about pasta?”

 

“That’s fine with me. Just tell me how I can help.”

 

~~~

 

Twenty minutes later, we’re seated at the kitchen table and eating our pasta, which turned our surprisingly tasty. Eero insisted on adding some spices and I must say that it makes a difference. He empties his plate and so do I. “That was great.”

 

“I’m glad you liked it. Not everyone likes spicy food though.”

 

“Oh, I love to spice up my life every now and then.” I wink at him and that confuses him. I know that he has a good sense of humor, it showed earlier, but somehow he seems unaccustomed to bantering. “And now I want to be lazy. Let’s move this to the couch.”

 

“And what about the dirty dishes? I can do them!”

 

Eero is eager to please, but I see the fatigue on his face. I remember how tiring staying with Jonne was. At the clinic, people take care of you. They plan each hour  for you and you have little to no say in the daily routine. That changes when you’re on leave. “We can do that tomorrow. Trust me, the dirty dishes won’t walk away and will still be there tomorrow.” I give him another wink. I rise from my chair and extend an arm toward him. “Come on, the cats are waiting.”

 

Eero places his hand in mine and we head for the couch. I’m not mistaken: Axl and Slash climbed onto the couch and claimed it as their new home. I pick up Axl and settle her on my lap, ignoring her hissing. She doesn’t want to be moved.

 

Eero picks up Slash and they cuddle up on the couch – far away from where I’m seated, but that’s because everything is new to Eero. He’ll come around eventually.

 

~~~

 

It’s only ten when Eero stretches and puts Slash onto the couch next to him. “I’m sorry,” Eero says. “But I’m dead tired. Is it okay if I go to bed?”

 

“Of course it is! Get some sleep! You’ll need your energy tomorrow.” I don’t get up myself and watch him rise from the couch. He *does* look tired. “If you need anything, just let me know.”

 

“Thanks, Larry,” Eero whispers and gives me a grateful smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

 

“Have some nice dreams…” Eero disappears into the bathroom and Slash jumps from the couch. He hardly seems to miss that leg and does everything a normal cat does. He might miss that limb, but I wouldn’t call him handicapped.

 

A few minutes later, Eero leaves the bathroom and heads for the guestroom and that’s what Slash has been waiting for. Slash follows Eero into the room. I grin – looks like Eero will have a bed partner tonight. I raise Axl and cuddle up to her. “You’ll stay with me, won’t you?” I hope Axl doesn’t plan on joining Eero and Slash because then I would be alone in my bed.

 

TBC

 

Part 4

 

I wake to feet softly kneading my abdominal area. Opening my right eye first, I catch sight of Slash, who’s massaging my stomach. “Hey, I like you too, but not first thing in the morning when my bladder is full.” I pick him up and pull him against my chest. Slash purrs and playfully puts a foot against my face. It’s a good thing his claws are retracted.

 

A knock on the door draws my attention away from the cat. I expect Larry to step inside, but to my surprise, he knocks again and it dawns on me that he’s waiting for me to answer. “You can come inside.”

 

The door opens and Larry appears in the doorway. He’s dressed in black pajama bottoms and a blue shirt. His curls are a mess and he looks barely awake. “Morning,” I say and smile at him.

 

“Morning,” he replies and runs a hand through his locks. “I was wondering if you’re interested in breakfast.”

 

“I can eat.” I sit upright and place Slash on the floor. “I can help.”

 

“I make coffee… You set the table…”

 

A second later, Larry’s gone. I leave the bed, make a quick stop at the bathroom, and slip into my jeans and a sweater before I join him in the kitchen. I only wore a T-shirt to bed and I feel more comfortable fully dressed.

 

Larry already made tea and coffee and there’s bread in the toaster. Eager to help, I open the fridge and remove the butter and all possible toppings from it. I have no idea though where I find plates and knives and look about helplessly. Thankfully, Larry catches on and directs me to the cupboard that holds the plates. I remove two of them, and with Larry’s help, I also locate the knives. “I think we’re set.”

 

Larry pours himself coffee and hands me my tea. We both wrap our fingers around the hot porcelain and end up grinning at each other. “You’re not much of a morning person either.”

 

Larry nods. “You’re right. But hey, it’s only ten in the morning, so give me a moment to wake up!”

 

“Ten? It’s ten already?” I feel bewildered. At the clinic, they always woke me at seven and I can’t believe I slept so soundly. Larry uncovers the blister pack that holds my medication and shoves bottled water toward me. I remove a tablet and swallow it down.

 

“I don’t want to pry,” Larry says suddenly. “But was there a specific reason why you were depressed?”

 

I consider his question. Do I feel comfortable sharing such intimate information with him? In the end, I decide that Larry deserves an answer after everything he did for me. “Not really. They found out that there’s a chemical imbalance in my brain and I should be okay as long as I take my medication.”

 

“Does that mean you’re stuck to it for the rest of your life?” Larry sounds surprised.

 

“Probably. At the moment they don’t want to take me off it.” I bite a chunk off my toast. “I can live with that. I will take my medication if that keeps me from going crazy again.” I don’t ever want to feel like that again. I thought I was going to die.

 

Larry nods thoughtfully. “If it helps…”

 

A strange silence descends onto the room. It’s not uncomfortable exactly, but I don’t know what to think of it.

 

“Jonne called earlier. He rescheduled our band rehearsal for one in the afternoon, so I suggest you use your time well. Fill up the bathtub and enjoy the soak. After you did that, we’re leaving. I need to pick up a guitar and then we’re going to our training room.”

 

“I can stay here… You don’t need to take me along.” Larry however dismisses my idea.

 

“You’re coming along. I’m supposed to keep an eye on you, remember?”

 

Larry winks at me and it tells me that he wants me to tag along. “All right then.” I’ll humor him – this time around.

 

~~~

It’s odd to be lying in a bathtub topped with foam. I don’t have one at home and they didn’t have one at the clinic either. I know that Larry wants me to enjoy the moment and that’s the only reason why I said yes in the first place. I’m going to pay for it later when my skin starts to itch. I’ll have to apply a lot of body lotion later.

 

After making sure that the bathroom door is still closed, I step out of the water and wrap a towel around my hair. I hadn’t planned to wash my hair, but when it got wet, I didn’t have much of a choice. Grabbing hold of the other towel, I dry my skin and cringe. I can actually feel it dry out while I’m rubbing it. I quickly take hold of the lotion and smear it richly onto my skin. I don’t like the fact that it makes me smell like babies do, but it’s the only lotion that successfully moistens my skin. Once I’m done, I step into my boxers and dress warmly in black jeans, a grey T-shirt, and a green shirt. That should keep me warm.

 

“Are you done? I want to leave in thirty minutes.”

 

“That’s no problem! I’ll be done in ten!”

 

“Hey, there’s no reason to hurry! Take your time!”

 

I decide to hurry up at any rate. I skip the make-up and merely apply the lotion to my facial skin. I blow-dry my hair, which is brittle too. Once the hair is dry enough for my taste, I clean up the bathroom as best as I can. My mother always taught me to clean up after myself, especially when I’m a guest somewhere. Opening the door, warm and moist air leaves the bathroom.

 

“Ah, there you are! You’re quick!”

 

Larry sits on the couch and rubs Slash behind the ears. His other hand is occupied too, as it is holding a cigarette. I sit down next to him and watch Larry. For some reason he looks extremely pleased. “Did I miss something?”

 

“No, you didn’t.” Larry carefully puts Slash on the floor. “Do you mind walking? Everything is within short distances and the exercise will do us good.”

 

“I don’t mind.” I follow Larry into the hallway where we dress warmly. I still miss my gloves though. I must have left them at the clinic.

 

“You’ll get cold hands that way.” Larry opens the cupboard in the hallway and removes a box full with gloves. “Have your pick!”

 

I’m not sure I should be grateful for the offer though and most of the gloves in there are pink. “I didn’t know you liked pink that much.”

 

“Christus always brought them home. I seldom wear them.”

 

I search the contents and come up with green gloves. “I like those.”

 

Larry puts the basket away. “Then they’re yours. I never wear those to begin with.”

 

I put them on and they fit. “Where do we go first?”

 

“We’ll pick up a guitar at a friend’s place and then we’ll head for our training studio.”

 

Larry opens the door and I quickly catch Slash before he escapes from the apartment. He might be disabled, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t curious. “Go back to Axl,” I tell him and turn him around.

 

“Ah, that one is curious!” Larry grins and gently shoves Slash down the hallway. He quickly closes the door and we grin at each other. We both love the little critters.

 

~~~

 

“My baby is as good as new!” Larry is obviously happy to have his guitar back. “It’s my favorite,” he explains as he strokes the snakeskin attached to it. He quickly puts it away in a protective case and says goodbye to his friend who fixed it.

 

“What happened to it?” I fall into step next to him.

 

“Antti happened to it! The idiot tripped over it!” Larry shakes his head. “I kicked his skinny ass for it!”

 

“It was probably just an accident,” I try to placate him.

 

“I don’t think so… Antti had put on a blindfold to show us how great his coordination was. He stumbled into Jay’s drum kit first and then took down my baby here!”

 

Larry still seems offended by Antti’s action and I decide it’s best not to dwell on the matter. I’m glad it’s winter because it means that there are less people about. I have no desire to walk into fans or even worse, former friends.

 

“You look gloomy,” Larry remarks.

 

“I don’t feel comfortable… A lot of people who said that they were my friends dumped me when I got into trouble.”

 

“I know what you mean.” Larry nods. “I lost a lot of so called friends too.” Larry comes to a stop and pulls at my elbow. He unlocks a door and drags me along. “This is our training room,” Larry says proudly.

 

It’s a good sized room and it holds most of Negative’s gear – including Jay’s drum kit. It’s strange, but ever since I started treatment I haven’t felt the need to bang the drums once.

 

“We’re early; that doesn’t happen often!” Larry removes his guitar from the case and places it next to the others. “Now they’re complete again!”

 

He seems happy and that in turns makes me happy too. I sit down on the couch and watch Larry caress the neck of his guitar. A door slams, Larry looks up, and my gaze travels to the doorway. Antti and Jay have arrived.

 

“Bah, Larry, you can’t be early like that! You’re supposed to be late!” Antti quips, but he instantly shuts up when Larry points at his precious guitar. “It really *was* an accident!”

 

“I don’t believe you and you know it!” Larry wags a finger at Antti.

 

Antti, however, discovered me and heads for the couch. “Hey, you brought someone along.” Once he’s close enough, he recognizes me and he looks at Larry in surprise. “I didn’t know the two of you knew each other.”

 

“Eero’s staying with me for a few days – so behave, Antti!” Larry says warningly.

 

“I always behave!” Antti drops onto the couch next to me and I move slightly away from him. “Hey, relax! I don’t bite.”

 

“Hard,” Jay quips as he sits down behind his drum kit. “Where’s Nakki? And Jonne? Normally they are the first ones here!”

 

“I have no idea,” Larry says and picks up one of his guitars.

 

The door opens again, and this time Nakki and Jonne enter the training studio. They’re chatting and laughing.

 

“Ah, there you are!” Antti says. “Looks what Larry dragged in today!” Antti raises his arms and points at me. Can the floor please open and swallow me?

 

Jonne removes his beanie and shrugs out of the pink parka. “Eero, is that you? You look great! Rested too!” Jonne drapes his coat over a chair and heads over to me. “Ville will be happy to hear that you’re doing well!”

 

I should give Ville a call, but I don’t feel up to it. “I hope you don’t mind me being here, but Larry dragged me along.”

 

“I don’t mind…None of us does.” Jonne smiles charmingly. “We’re glad to have you!”

 

Jonne sounds sincere and that puts me at ease. Maybe being present at their rehearsal won’t be as bad as I thought.

 

~~~

 

“I want beer!” Nakki announces after the rehearsal had ended.

 

“And I want vodka!” Antti calls out. “Jonne, stop showing off your ass like that!”

 

Jonne looks at Antti from over his shoulder and grins. “No one forces you to look!”

 

I chuckle softly. They really are an entertaining bunch.

 

“What do you want to drink?” Larry asks.

 

“Some sort of juice? Orange juice perhaps? Or bottled water!” I don’t mind as long as it isn’t alcohol.

 

“Ah, not another one!” Antti raises his arms and forms a cross. “Stay away from me, you health freak!”

 

“Hey, leave Eero alone!” Larry sticks out his tongue at Antti.

 

What kind of juvenile behavior is this, I wonder?

 

“Ignore them,” Jonne says as he returns carrying a tray filled with our drinks. He gives me the bottled water and takes some himself. He sits down on the couch next to me and shrugs. “They’re like that. You might not believe it, but Larry is worse than Antti.”

 

Jonne’s right. “I don’t believe you.”

 

“Didn’t you watch our DVD?” Jonne winks at me.

 

“Actually, I didn’t.”

 

“Ah, that explains it,” Jonne calls out triumphantly. “Larry, show it to him tonight!”

 

Larry seems annoyed and gives Jonne an evil look. Now I’m curious however, and I will do my best to get my hands on that DVD.

 

~~~

 

Instead of preparing chicken for dinner, Larry decides to head for an Italian restaurant. “Larry, you don’t need to…”

 

“But you like pizza, don’t you?” Larry asks with a wicked grin.

 

“Yes, everyone likes pizza, but still!”

 

Larry takes my arm and drags me inside. Damn, now that we’re inside, we can’t leave like that! “Larry, I don’t have any money on me!”

 

Larry gives me a crooked grin. “You can do the dishes later.”

 

I glare at him and swat him on the chest. “That’s not funny!”

 

“Hey, don’t hurt me, baby…” Larry’s still grinning and seems mighty pleased. “So you got some fire up your ass after all!”

 

I’m not sure how to read that comment though. “What the hell are you talking about?” Larry suddenly folds an arm around my waist and guides me over to a table in the back where he sits down. “And why are you calling me baby? I’m not your fucking baby!”

 

“Ah, lots of fire.” Larry continues to grin. “Sit down, or are you going to eat your pizza standing up?”

 

I’m too confused to object and sit down mechanically. “And now what?”

 

“And now we’re going to have pizza!”


~~~

 

I’m stuffed to the gills. There’s no way that I can manage another bite. “Have mercy!” That pizza was too much. Larry, however, finished his. I didn’t think a skinny guy like him could eat that much. The waiter approaches with the bill and reminds me once more of the fact that I don’t have any money on me. “I’ll pay you back.”

 

Larry dismisses my offer with a wave of his hand. “Forget about it. I’m not so poor that I can’t buy us pizza!” He pays for the meal and then rubs his abdomen. “How the hell am I getting back home? I doubt I can walk!”

 

Larry’s smiling again. He smiles most of the time. “Maybe I can carry you?” I doubt that very much though and my remark furthers Larry’s mirth. “I’m stronger than I look!”

 

“I believe you!” Larry tries to placate me. “But it’s safer if I walk.” He gets to his feet and puts on his coat. Rubbing his tummy again, he grins and says, “How far along do I look? Eight months pregnant?”

 

Larry actually bashes his eyelashes at me! “Nine months!” My answer makes him laugh even harder.

 

“Come on, let’s go home and crash on the couch!”

 

“Oh no! You’re not going to sleep! I want to see that DVD!”

 

Larry peeks slyly at me. “That intrigues you, doesn’t it? Jonne and his big mouth. He should keep it shut!”

 

Larry loops his arm with mine and that gesture makes me look at him. “Why did you call me baby earlier?” That really intrigues me and I want to know.

 

“I wanted to see what kind of reaction I would get… And in case you didn’t notice, I call everything and everyone I care about my baby.”

 

I blink. Sure, I noticed that he calls the cats and his guitars his babies, but…me?

 

“Yes, that means that I care about you too!” Larry’s hand moves higher and rubs my back. “Don’t give me that look!”

 

“But…You hardly know me!”

 

“I’m getting to know you better though and I like you!”

 

I’m not sure what to think of any of this, but I accept it. I can’t change anything at any rate.

 

“Stop thinking that much. I did that too. I questioned everything Jonne said. It’s easier, and better, when you just accept it.”

 

Larry’s probably right, but I still find it hard to accept that everything is happening so quickly.

 

~~~

 

Larry’s standing in front of the DVD player and gives me a curious look. “Do you really want to see the documentary?” He holds the Negative DVD in his hand and seems hesitant to insert it.

 

“I would love to see it, but I’m not going to pressure you. Why is it such a big deal to you?” I stroke Slash’s fur and the touch calms me down. Why is Larry so riled up about this?

 

“It has a few scenes, which I’m not proud of,” Larry admits as he inserts the DVD. “You’ll see what I mean…” Larry sighs and sits down next to me. “Like that one.”

 

I blink in surprise. Larry appears on screen and he’s drunk, if not even worse, stoned. “What did you do?”

 

“That night in Oulu, I drank everything I could get my hands on and I smoked a large number of joints. I was dead that morning.”

 

“Why didn’t you stop it from making it onto the DVD? Surely, you had some say in the matter?” I’m surprised that the band had put this material onto the DVD.

 

“I could have stopped it, but I didn’t. I hope that it will serve as a warning to those fans who love to drink.”

 

“That’s a good reason to put it on the DVD… But I imagine it hurts each time you watch it.”

 

Larry shrugs. “I’ll survive.”

 

~~~

 

“That was a mean thing to do! Poor Antti is peacefully asleep and you put toothpaste on him!” Jonne got it right – I’m learning a lot about Larry. That DVD showed me a side to Larry, which I didn’t think he possessed.

 

“Ah well, I was drunk and Jonne put me up to it. Antti was completely out of it and never noticed what was happening. We had fun!”

 

Larry’s smiling at me – again – and I realize that I like seeing him that way. I like Larry – period. Who would have thought that?

 

~~~

 

“I think it’s about time for you to go to bed.”

 

Larry’s voice reaches me from very far away and I can’t be bothered to open my eyes in order to find out what’s going on. Suddenly, I’m picked up and carried out of the room. A moment later, something soft rises to meet me and I curl up on the sleeping couch.

 

“You should undress,” Larry whispers into my ear.

 

“Not…right…now…” I just want to sleep!

 

“If you think you’re comfortable like that… Sleep tight, baby.”

 

Hearing that endearment makes me smile and I sigh contently. I like it when Larry calls me that.

 

TBC

 

Part 5

 

It’s Monday already and tomorrow morning I have to take Eero back to the clinic. I want to make today special for Eero, but I have no idea what he would like to do. So what do I do in such a case? I call Jonne.

 

I’m still curled up in bed with Axl when I ring Jonne. I hope he won’t bite my head off because of the early hour. Well, it’s nine, but that’s awfully early in Jonne’s book.

 

“Whoever you are, you’re dead!”

 

“Good morning to you too, Jonne,” I start carefully. “Did I wake you?”

 

“You fucking know that you woke me!”

 

Jonne’s always a bitch in the morning, and if I didn’t need his advice, I would never have called him. “I need your help.”

 

“This had better be good or you’re going to pay for waking me.”

 

I take Jonne’s threat serious, as I know that he can be a backstabbing bitch if he wants to. “I need your help with Eero. I have to take him back to the clinic tomorrow and I want to make today special. I have no idea what to do though. Can you help me?”

 

“You woke me for that?”

 

“Sorry,” I offer quietly. Jonne has calmed down, so I’m guessing that he’s isn’t too angry with me for waking him up. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”

 

“I get that.” Jonne sighs. “I don’t know Eero either, but most people enjoy a trip to Särkänniemi, but I would make it a surprise if I were you! Take him for a ride on the ghost train! He’ll love it!”

 

Jonne loves that ride and I start to think he might be on to something. “That’s actually a good idea! I like it!”

 

“Does that mean I can go back to sleep again?”

 

“Yes, Jonne, you can go back to sleep again. Thanks for listening and for helping me out.”

 

“It’s okay, but don’t wake me again…”

 

Jonne ends the call and I place the phone aside. Oh yes, going to Särkänniemi will be fun!

 

~~~

 

“Eero, breakfast is ready and I hope you’re hungry!” I knock at Eero’s door and wait for some reply. I’m surprised when the door opens. A fully dressed Eero appears in front of me. “You’re fast!”

 

Eero smiles. “I have been awake for the last two hours, but didn’t want to wake you so I read in bed.”

 

Slash presses against Eero’s legs. I pick him up and cuddle him. “He seems quite fond of you.”

 

“He had better not grow attached to me as I’m leaving tomorrow. Larry, thanks for everything. My leave turned out much better than I thought.”

 

Eero has a grateful expression in his eyes, which causes me to choke up. “Hey, don’t mention it and you’d better turn up the next weekend!” Eero’s eyes widen slightly. “What did you think? That this is a one-time thing? No, you’re coming back, do you hear me?”

 

“Thanks…”

 

Suddenly Eero wraps his arms around me and hugs me. I curl my arms around his shoulders and return the hug. “You’re welcome here, Eero. Each weekend, okay?”

 

Eero pulls away again and nods. “I get it.”

 

“Good. And now we’re having breakfast as I’m starving!”

 

~~~

 

Eero looks rather glum as he sits on the couch in the living room. I just cleaned away the dirty dishes and join him now. “Are you sulking because I didn’t allow you to help me clean up the kitchen?” Eero however shakes his head. Something else seems to be on his mind. “What is it then?”

 

“I like it here so much that I don’t want to go back to the clinic tomorrow.”

 

Eero keeps his gaze lowered as if he’s afraid to make eye contact. I didn’t expect him to be so honest about it, but it’s a good thing that he can share his feelings like that. “Tomorrow it’s Tuesday and you can come back Friday evening. It’s not that long.” Eero nods, but I can tell he remains unconvinced. “If you want to, you can visit me during the evening. We can have dinner together and I can drive you back to the clinic.”

 

“I can’t impose on you all the time. You have a life too.”

 

Eero sounds sad saying that and I can’t help but reach out to him. I put my hands on either side of his head and slowly raise it. “I wouldn’t make that offer if I didn’t want to spend time with you. I like you, Eero.”

 

Eero swallows hard. “I like you too, but…”

 

“No but,” I say decisively. “Tomorrow morning I will take you back and you will go through therapy and all the other stuff they want you to do. I will pick you up at five, we’ll have dinner, and I’ll return you to the clinic around nine. Your therapist will be okay with that, trust me.”

 

“He might be. I’ll ask him.”

 

I smile at Eero. It’s a good thing that he wants to find his way back to a normal life. He’s handling everything much better than I did back then. “But enough talk of tomorrow. We still have today and I made plans.”

 

“Plans?” Eero frowns. “But…you can’t rearrange your life just because I’m here. Honestly, I’m fine reading in the guest room or cuddling up with the cats.”

 

“But I’m not fine with it. I want more…and you deserve more. So dress warmly, will you? We’ll be outside for most of the day.” I don’t want to give him too much information yet. Let him be curious about it. It will keep him alert. I ignore the inquisitive look Eero gives me and get to my feet. “You have fifteen minutes to get ready, baby.” I noticed the effect that little word had on him last night, so I’m using it to my advantage again. A look from over my shoulder shows me that Eero’s blushing. Good, I want him off-balance, as it will keep him from brooding.

 

~~~

 

“You can’t be serious!”

 

Eero looks flabbergasted when I shove him in line to get our tickets to the amusement park. Although he looks confused, the twinkling in his eyes tells me that he loves the idea. “Why? What’s wrong with it?”

 

“It’s expensive and…why…how…”

 

Eero has no choice but to follow me after I purchased our tickets. I keep an arm wrapped around his shoulder since I don’t want to lose him in the masses. I lost Arttu once and Antti was fuming mad when his little brother told him about it. Okay, Arttu had only been twelve at the time and I had been too interested in a girl operating a ride.

 

“What are we going to do first? Drink something hot? Go on a ride? Head for the petting zoo? It’s your call.” I grin upon seeing the confused look on Eero’s face. He’s still trying to accept that I dragged him along. When there’s no answer from Eero, I make the decision instead. “Let’s head for the zoo.” Eero moves along and keeps looking about like he’s expecting for something bad to happen. “What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s nothing… It’s just… I don’t want to run into certain people.”

 

“What kind of people?” We reach the zoo and I smile at the fat pigs grunting away. I like those.

 

“People who no longer want to be my friends.”

 

“Ah…” Looking Eero in the eye, I say, “That’s their loss, not yours. They have no idea what they’re missing out on.” Eero’s eyes grow big and he gasps for air. “Hey, it’s only the truth!”

 

Eero nods slowly. “I… Larry…I…” Eero’s lost for words.

 

“Oh, you have got to see these! They’re cute.” I found some birds and they’re nesting. They even have eggs inside their nest. Eero pushes against me and I pull him close. “Cute, don’t you think?” I cock my head and watch him nod. “Try to enjoy our day here.”

 

“I’ll do my best,” Eero responds. A pensive expression appears in his eyes and I wonder what he’s thinking. “Thank you for everything, Larry. I didn’t think… I didn’t expect…”

 

He’s rambling and I don’t like it. There must be a way to shut him up and so I do what I always do when Jonne starts to ramble. Maybe it if shuts up Jonne, it will shut up Eero too. I lean in closer and press a kiss onto his lips. Eero releases a surprised gasp and stares at me in shock. Ah well, it shut him up, so I accomplished my mission as far as I’m concerned. What’s a kiss among friends? “Want to join me for a ride? They have a ghost ride too and I love it… It’s funny and not scary at all!” Eero, still looking stunned, merely nods.

 

~~~

 

“Hey, move a little, will you?” Surely, I haven’t grown so fat that we can’t share a cart? Eero moves about a bit and then I can sit down too. It’s a small space to share though and I place my arm around his shoulder once more. I pull him close and grin wickedly. “I hope you’re ready to be scared.”

 

“Larry, I have done this ride before. There’s nothing scary about it.”

 

Eero seems insecure for some reason. It started after I kissed him. Maybe that was the wrong action after all? But I can’t deny the fact that his lips tasted good and they were soft. I wouldn’t mind kissing him again. I rub his shoulder and continue to grin. “In that case you can protect me from the scary monsters, my hero.” My remark has the effect I aimed for and Eero giggles. The cart gets into motion and Eero’s hand is looking for mine. I curl my fingers around his and squeeze gently.

 

The ride isn’t scary of course, but I make a big show out of it and scream each time an attraction appears. Eero’s giggling like mad and he linked his fingers with mine, squeezing gently in turn. I hadn’t thought that I would like Eero’s company so much, but I do. Eero’s fun and…handsome. Damn hormones! Down with you. Don’t you rear your little heads! Down! But it would be the first time that they listened!

 

By the time we reach the exit, Eero’s chuckling and I’m having fun playing the damsel in distress. The moment we leave the darkness and re-appear in the daylight, I turn my head and look at Eero. The blond hair is flying, the blue eyes glitter with mirth, and his smile almost blinds me. Oh no… I can practically feel it happening, and no matter how hard I fight it, I’m still falling in love with him.

 

~~~

 

We sit near the water and Eero is feeding the pigeons that circle our feet. “You’re supposed to eat that baguette and not feed it to them.”

 

He raises his head and smiles at me. “But they’re hungry and I’m full.”

 

I don’t want to ruin his fun so I let the matter rest. “Do you want to go on a rollercoaster ride?”

 

Eero shakes his head. “If you don’t mind, I’ll stay with both feet on the ground, but you can go! I’ll wait for you. That’s no problem.”

 

“Don’t you like them?”

 

“I’m scared of heights,” Eero admits in a tiny voice. “I would rather not ride one.”

 

That’s been decided then – no rollercoaster rides. Eero seems to be the complete opposite of Jonne in that way. My little princess loves rollercoaster rides and can’t get enough of them. Looking at the sky, I realize that it’s growing dark and that’s no surprise. It’s almost four o’clock. “We could enjoy the view from the tower and then go home. We can make steaks, eat, and after that, we can curl up with our babies on the couch.”

 

Eero laughs softly. “The way you said that, it sounds like we have kids at home.”

 

“I’m a big kid, do I count?” Oh, I’m flirting and I can’t stop it! Damn it!

 

“You’re not a big kid…” Eero moves closer and then adds, “You’re one of the kindest guys I ever met.”

 

Okay, this is the perfect moment to kiss Eero again, but how will Eero react to that move? Will he allow it? Push me away? Blush and grow bashful again? Realizing that I have to find out, I lean in closer and brush his lips with mine. Eero doesn’t seem surprised this time around and looks me in the eye during the kiss, which unnerves me. He’s supposed to close his eyes instead. I end the kiss and pull away from Eero. He still has to react to the kiss.

 

“Larry, why did you do that?” Eero’s voice is soft and fragile. “I know why you did it the first time. You wanted to shut me up, but this kiss was different.”

 

He looks at me with those deep blue eyes of his and my heart thunders in my chest. I got it bad this time. “I like you…and felt like kissing you.”

 

Eero blinks. “Larry, you shouldn’t fall in love with me, really. I’m not relationship material… Or are you after a one-night-stand?”

 

“Don’t feel pressured, Eero. I don’t want that. I just like you a lot and your lips taste good. I’m not after a quick fuck.”

 

Eero seems thoughtful. “I could have given you that – a quick fuck – I mean, but… I suck at relationships.”

 

“And why is that?” I ignore his comment about the one-night-stand. I didn’t hear that!

 

“I had girlfriends in the past, and a boyfriend too, but I’m not good at making relationships work. They never lasted longer than a month.”

 

Eero was depressed in the past so that would have influenced his relationships. He’s not depressed any longer though. “Eero, don’t think such deep thoughts. It was just a kiss – and a good kiss, I hope?” No, I’m not hunting for compliments. I just want to know if he liked the kiss.

 

Eero nods. “It was a good kiss.”

 

Eero’s shivering and I wonder if it’s due to the cold or because of our conversation. “You’re trembling.” Slowly, I wrap my arms around him and pull him into an embrace. “Better?” The shivering gets worse at first, but then it goes away.

 

“Larry, you shouldn’t…”

 

I palm his cheek in my hand. “I’m old enough to make my own decisions and right now, I want to hold you…and maybe kiss you again, if you’re okay with it.” I blink: are Eero’s eyes really swimming? He looks like he’s about to cry!

 

“Larry… You… I…”

 

“Don’t say a thing,” I tell him and pull him closer. I rock him and press a kiss onto his hair. “Just enjoy the moment.” Eero remains quiet. I’m not sure how to read his emotions, but a moment later, his arms snake around my waist and he returns the hug. “That’s it…” I rest my head against his and simply enjoy the moment.

 

~~~

 

Eero remains quiet on our way home. It’s easy to guess what occupies him. Our kiss, the conversation we had, the hug… Everything that happened today is spinning in his head and he doesn’t know what to think of it. To be honest, I don’t know either. I’m falling for Eero, which is something I never thought would happen. It would help if I knew Eero’s feelings in the matter, but I don’t want to force another conversation upon him and so I remain quiet.

 

While I prepare dinner, Eero’s in the living room playing and cuddling with the cats. It’s odd – Eero has so quickly become a part of my life that it stuns me. I never experienced anything like it before. Not even with Jonne. It took us much longer to build the close relationship that we have today. With Eero, it happened instantly.

 

I put my head around the corner and call out, “Dinner’s ready.” Eero pets the cats one more time and rises from the floor. His hair hides his features and he’s doing it on purpose. He doesn’t want me to see the turmoil he’s in. “I hope you can eat,” I say as I place his plate in front of him.

 

Eero doesn’t seem hungry, but valiantly starts eating. I realize that we need to talk about what had happened earlier that day – otherwise I might lose the trust we build. “Are you upset about that kiss?”

 

“Not upset,” Eero responds. He doesn’t move his hair out of his face though and I still can’t tell the emotions he’s going through. “I just don’t understand it.”

 

I must tread carefully, but at the same time, I also have to take some risks if I want to find out what is *really* going on in that head of his. “What’s there not to understand? I like you and I felt like kissing you.”

 

Eero finally looks at me and his eyes are swimming. I don’t know why though. “Is it such a bad thing to be kissed? Or is it the fact that it’s *me* kissing you?” Eero lowers his gaze again and turns to playing with his fork and knife. He moves them about and the scratching sound makes me shiver. “Eero, please…” He places the utensils onto his plate and makes eye contact again. He looks lost and I have no idea why! I reach across the kitchen table and take his right hand in mine. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“It’s so sudden and… I never thought that anyone would like me like that ever again. I feel low about myself most of the time and I have no idea why you think that I’m attractive. I don’t think there’s anything.”

 

My heart goes out to him. He felt low in the past because of his depression, and when he realized that he had become an addict, his self-esteem was damaged a second time. I should have expected that. “You’re very attractive. You have great looks, but even more important, you’re sweet, and you have a great sense of humor. There’s fire inside you, but you do your best to smother it instead of letting it out so it can burn.” Eero looks even more confused and I caress his face. “Why don’t you just let it happen?”

 

Eero nibbles on his bottom lip. He’s lost in thought and I doubt he registers the fact that I’m stroking his face. “I’m not making demands. I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t expect you to be thrilled about the fact that I’m developing feelings for you. You have other worries, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t try to gain your affection.”

 

“I already like you,” Eero admits in a whispering voice.

 

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” I cock my head, smile at him, and pull his hand toward me so I can press a kiss on it. Eero instantly grows flustered, but he doesn’t pull his hand away. “We’re going to eat some more and then we’ll veg out on the couch…”

 

Eero nods, but doesn’t remove his hand from my hold. I think it’s best though to return the limb to its owner and I start eating again. Eero stares at his hand for a few seconds, raises his head to look at me, and frowns. “Eat,” I tell him and point at the food left on his plate. Almost mechanically, he starts to eat. I gave him a lot to think about and I wonder if he will give this a chance or not.

 

~~~

 

“I don’t bite,” I assure Eero when he sits down at some distance. “You’re not afraid of me, are you?”

 

“Afraid? Of course I’m not afraid!”

 

Ah, the fire is back. “Then come over here. The blanket isn’t that big.” The fleece blanket is perfect for cuddling. Eero is pouting – I can tell by the way he moves his bottom lip, but then he moves closer. I raise an arm, and after some hesitating on his part, Eero moves against me. I curl my arm around his shoulder and grin secretively. Axl and Slash climb onto the couch and settle down on top of the blanket. Eero takes to stroking them and I hope the touch calms him down. “You have the remote control. Why don’t you find out if there’s anything interesting on?”

 

Eero takes hold of it, switches on the television, and surfs channels. He settles on a documentary about Lapland and I cock my head to look at him. Eero seems angry in a way, but at the same time, also extremely vulnerable. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

 

Eero shrugs and by doing so, the blanket moves. I tuck it in again and study him. “Why are you angry? Are you angry with me?”

 

“No, I’m angry with myself.”

 

Ah…that doesn’t help a lot though. “Why are you angry with yourself?”

“I don’t know…” Eero sighs, turns his head, and looks at me. “I never wanted for this to happen.”

 

“What’s this?” I’m intrigued. What is he talking about?

 

“You developing feelings for me and…”

 

“And what?” That’s the part I need to find out about.

 

“And me liking you in turn.”

 

Ah, so there’s hope for us. “Why is that a bad thing?”

 

“I have so many problems already that I’m not sure I can take this one on too.”

 

“A problem? Why is it a problem? Falling in love isn’t a problem!” I know what he’s talking about though, but I need him to say it – to admit it to himself.

 

“I’m scared,” Eero finally admits. “I’m afraid that I will somehow screw this up and… I’m not sure how I will react when… when this turns into a failure. I need stability in my life.”

 

“Unfortunately for you, you can’t pick the time when love comes around. Either you take a chance or you don’t. Let me assure you, that I’m serious about this. I really like you, but please don’t put any pressure on yourself – on us. I don’t expect us to make out tonight on the couch. I don’t expect us to have sex any time soon. I realize that you must deal with other issues first.”

 

Eero nervously moistens his lips and nods. “That’s what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the right words. How did you know that?”

 

“I have been in your situation, remember? I felt low too and I couldn’t believe that other people cared about me. In my case, it was Jonne. He wasn’t in love with me, but we’re as close as you can get. Like brothers…”

 

Eero nods, relaxes against me, and rests his head against my shoulder. “I don’t know where this will lead or what will happen.”

 

“No one ever does, Eero. Let’s see what happens, okay?” He nods and I slip a hand higher so I can massage his neck. “Don’t worry about it. We have time.”

 

Eero sighs contently and closes his eyes. He’s showing me his trust in that way and I appreciate it.

 

~~~

 

Two hours later, Eero is fast asleep against me. I don’t want to wake him, but he won’t be comfortable if he remains like that the entire night. “Hey wake up, baby. It’s time to go to bed.” Eero’s eyes open slowly and give me a sleepy look.

 

“I did it again… I fell asleep on you.”

 

“You’re tired…” I rub my thumb against his brow in order to soothe him. “Let’s go to bed, okay?” Eero nods and I help him to his feet. As he’s still half asleep, I support him on his way to the guestroom and I lower him onto the sleeping couch. Eero’s eyes close again as he goes back to sleep. I make quick work of removing his jeans and pull up the comforter to make sure he’s warm. “Have some sweet dreams.” I bend down to kiss him on his brow, but Eero suddenly moves and my lips end up on his instead. He remains asleep though and so I just brush them. After stroking the blond hair away from his face, I turn around, switch off the light and head for my own bed – only to find Axl already waiting for me.

 

TBC

 

Part 6

 

I wake during the night because there’s some noise. I open my eyes, sit upright, and ignore Slash’s objections because I’m moving about. I always had good instincts and something tells me to get to my feet and investigate. I blink in surprise when I find my jeans gone. Larry must have undressed me and that thought makes me blush. I quickly slip into them, grab my green sweater, and put that one on too. It’s chilly in the room.

 

I walk over to the doorway and look into the living room. One of the lights is on and I see movement on the balcony. Why did Larry go outside when it’s so fucking cold? I pick up the fleece blanket from the couch and open the balcony door. Shivers take me when the cold wind hits my skin. Larry hasn’t noticed my approach though – at least, he doesn’t show it. Approaching Larry from behind, I unfold the blanket and wrap him up in it. “What are you doing out here? It’s cold.”

 

Larry looks at me from over his shoulder and gives me a tired smile. “I came out here to smoke.”

 

I wonder if that’s the whole truth. “But why out here?”

 

“Because I also need to clear my head and the fresh air does that.”

 

“Fresh air? You can smell snow on it.” Snowflakes settle in his curls and my heart misses a beat. Larry looks vulnerable, but at the same time, he’s a rock – my rock.

 

“I happen to like snowflakes…” Larry moves closer and extinguishes his cigarette. “There’s snow on the tip of your nose.”

 

“I know that. It’s cold and it tickles because it’s melting.” My heart misses a beat when Larry leans in closer. I expect another kiss, but Larry does something different altogether – he licks the snow from my nose. “And that tickles too,” I giggle. Larry’s action makes me feel cherished and I relax. Larry’s right. There’s nothing bad about sharing a kiss – or two. I move my hands and rest them at the back of Larry’s neck. I suck in my breath and then press my lips onto Larry’s. I don’t know what I’m doing – or why – but it feels right.

 

Larry reacts to the kiss by wrapping his arms around me and he pulls me tightly against him. I like it – it feels right. Larry parts his lips and teeth and my tongue ventures into his mouth to taste more of him. Larry tastes of cigarettes, which is not surprising, but I don’t mind. I crave the kiss itself, not the way he tastes. Larry’s hands move across my back and he moans into my mouth. I need to break this off before we hit the point of no return, because I’m not ready for more. I pull away.

 

“Wow, that was a great kiss,” Larry whispers and strokes my face. “Thank you for that.”

 

His compliment makes me blush. I don’t think I did anything special. Larry made that kiss extraordinary. “You shouldn’t be out here in the cold.”

 

“I’m not cold though. You’re warming me.”

 

That wicked grin is back. Whatever worried Larry earlier seems gone. “It’s the blanket.”

 

“It’s you,” Larry says and kisses me again. This time it’s a light kiss though. “But you’re right. We should go back inside.”

 

We leave the balcony and step into the living room. Once we’re inside I feel awkward as Larry doesn’t let go.

 

“I was wondering about something,” Larry starts.

 

I raise my head and look at him. “What about?” Larry holding me feels nice, and although I don’t want to let go either, I think we should.

 

“I feel lonely in bed and I’m wondering if you would consider keeping me company. I won’t try anything… I’ll even keep my distance if you want that.”

 

Larry’s request takes me by surprise. “Do you really want that?” Having someone close at night would be nice – I feel the same way.

 

“I do…” Larry raises a hand and brushes hair away from my face. “But only if you want that too.”

 

I nod. “It’s okay, I guess.” I know that Larry will keep his word – he won’t try anything, and even if he did, I don’t know if I would push him away. I like being close to him.

 

“Let’s go then.”

 

Larry takes my hand and guides me into his bedroom. I have never been in here before and curiously look about. Three walls are a soft white and one is red, which makes a nice contrast. I giggle at seeing his bed. I think I know where it’s from. I saw that black metallic frame before. “Did you get it from IKEA?”

 

Larry nods. “I liked it and it was cheap.” Larry strips down to his T-shirt and boxers. He slips between the covers and lifts the comforter. “Or did you change your mind?”

 

I shake my head and remove my jeans and sweater too. I join Larry in bed and pull the comforter close. Larry gives me an uncertain look and I realize it’s up to me to act. I move closer toward him and push his arm away from his body. I roll onto my side, rest my head upon his shoulder, and cover us with the comforter. Looking at Larry, I see a smug grin on his face.

 

Larry folds his arm around me and sighs approvingly. “I think I can sleep now.”

 

“And don’t go outside again… I don’t want you to get ill.”

 

Larry bats his eyelashes at me. “You care about me… You must love me.”

 

Larry’s remark makes me blush. “Shut up and sleep.”

 

“Aye, aye, captain,” Larry says and giggles.

 

He doesn’t close his eyes though. He remains looking at me and I return that look as long as I can. Eventually my eyes close though and I slip into sleep again.

 

~~~

 

This time, it isn’t a noise that wakes me up. It’s a touch – a caress to be exact. Opening my eyes, I look right into Larry’s. He looks smug.

 

“I didn’t think that getting you into my bed would be that easy,” he quips.

 

I glare at him, even though I know he’s only joking. If he wants me to play along, I will. “Don’t think you can get into my pants just as easy!” Suddenly I feel Larry’s hand on my ass and I remove it. “That’s still forbidden territory for you!”

 

“I love it when you’re domineering.”

 

I can’t hold back and burst out laughing. “You have a weird sense of humor.” My gaze drifts off to the alarm clock on the nightstand. It’s eight o’clock already. “I don’t want to go back to the clinic.”

 

“You must… You did well this weekend and your therapist will be pleased. You’re one step closer to being discharged. Don’t become impatient now. We have to do this according to the rules and that’s a good thing. It gives you time to work on your issues and it enables us to take things slow.”

 

“Is it taking things slow when you put your hand on my ass?” I quip.

 

“I can try, can’t I? It’s a great ass… Firm.”

 

I swat his chest and shake my head at his remark. “Larry…”

 

“I’ll behave, I promise.”

 

I lose myself looking into his eyes and realize that I don’t stand a chance fighting this.

 

~~~

 

“You can do this. You’re stronger than you think.”

 

Larry’s encouraging me and I need it. We’re standing in front of the clinic and it’s almost nine. I can’t stall much longer though. “I’ll miss you.”

 

“I’ll miss you too, but I’ll keep busy. I’ll make plans for the weekend instead. You can do that too.”

 

I lean in closer, brush Larry’s lips, and slide my fingers into his curls. “When will I see you again?”

 

“They won’t let you leave today… They’ll want to talk to you and find out how things went. How about I pick you up tomorrow at five and you have dinner with me?”

 

“I would like that.” I caress Larry’s face one last time and then free myself of the embrace. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I open the door, turn around, and wave at Larry. This was the most amazing weekend of my life!

 

~~~

 

“It looks like everything went well,” Mika says while studying the notes. “They didn’t find anything on you and you didn’t take anything.”

 

Restlessly, I move about on my chair. “I didn’t feel the need to swallow anything except for my meds.”

 

“Tell me about the weekend. What did you do? How did it go?” Mika takes hold of a pen, just in case he wants to take notes.

 

I know that I have to be honest with him. Lying won’t get me anywhere. “The weekend turned out much better than I thought. Larry took me to his band’s rehearsal and afterwards we had dinner at an Italian restaurant. Yesterday, we went to Särkänniemi and we had a great time there.”

 

“That’s not everything, is it? You’re nervous, so something else happened.”

 

I nod. Mika knows me well. “We kissed.”

 

Mika looks surprised at first, but then smiles. “You kissed?” he repeats, wanting more information.

 

I nod and grow flushed again. “Larry told me that he likes me – a lot.”

 

“And how about you? Do you like him in that way? Or did you just want to please him?”

 

I understand why he’s asking this. In the past, I found it hard to tell people no. “I like him – also in that way.”

 

“Aha…” Mika starts to suck on his pen. “Do I hear a but?”

 

I shrug. “I’m not sure if I’m ready for it. And what if I’m the wrong person for Larry to be with?”

 

“Because he’s an alcoholic?”

 

“No, he controls that. It’s just… Larry sorted out his life. He’s happy with his life the way it is now and I… I could mess it up… Change it around for the worse.”

 

“Why do you think that?” Mika starts writing.

 

“Because I don’t have any control over my life. I don’t think I’ll abuse my medication again, but the rest of my life is still a mess.”

 

“What parts of your life are a mess?”

 

I sigh deeply. It’s Mika’s job to ask me those questions, but answering them tires me. “I don’t have a job – or a band.”

 

“Those things can be remedied. You can get a new job and find a new band. Or maybe your old band will take you back. What else worries you?”

 

“Finances of course… Until I get a new job, I’m living on welfare and I don’t like that. I want to make my own money.”

 

“Again, that problem will solve itself when you work again.” Mika is getting impatient. “What are you really scared of?”

 

“Disappointing Larry… Disappointing myself… Getting hurt and hurting Larry. He is a good guy.”

 

Mika nods and puts his notes away. “I understand why you’re worried and you need to decide for yourself if you feel ready to take a chance or not.”

 

“What do you think I should do?”

 

“I can’t make that decision for you. I can only advise you.”

 

“Tell me.” I really want to know his opinion in the matter.

 

“Larry is a nice guy, we both know that, but he’s also a recovering alcoholic. If you decide to give this a chance, then you have to keep in mind that he can suffer a setback and start drinking again. You need to ask yourself if you’re strong enough to face that should it happen. I know that when you’re in love you usually don’t consider those things, but *you* need to do that, especially because you were an addict once too. I don’t think you will return to your habit, as your reason for taking those pills was different. You have an imbalance in your brain and those new meds fix that, but Larry is different. There’s a reason why he became an alcoholic, and although he learned to deal with it, it will never go away – not completely.”

 

Everything he says makes sense, and on a subconscious level, I must have considered it too. “Do you think I’m strong enough?”

 

“Only time will tell, Eero. You’re still undergoing treatment for depression and drug abuse and no one knows what the future will bring. You don’t have to hurry into this relationship. Get to know each other. Take your time.”

 

“Are you saying that I should give this a chance?”

 

“Eero…” Mika sighs. “Do you have feelings for Larry?”

 

I search my feelings and nod firmly. “I do.”

 

“Then you have your answer.”

 

I blink. “I should give this a shot because I have feelings for him?”

 

“Is there a better reason for trying?”

 

Mika is right again. “I’ll give this a chance,” I tell Mika. “But I will keep the things you told me in the back of my mind.”

 

“And talk to Larry about those things. It’s important that he knows what’s going on in your head.”

 

I smile. “He always asks me that: he wants to know what I’m thinking.”

 

“One can tell that he had therapy.” Mika smiles and takes hold of his notes again. “I think you did really well on your first weekend. What are you plans now?”

 

“I would like to go back there this weekend, if I can… And Larry invited me for dinner tomorrow.” I watch my therapist carefully – how will he react?

 

“I think those are good ideas. You’re free to leave the clinic during the weekend. You can leave Friday evening at six PM and you have to be back here Monday morning at eight.”

 

That sounds good to me. “And what about that dinner invitation? Can I accept it? Or do you want me to stay during the evenings?”

 

Mika considers it for a long moment. “You want to be with him, don’t you?”

 

I grow shy and avert my gaze. “His place is nice… I love to cuddle up with the two cats… and Larry… Larry’s company does me good: I feel it. He keeps me from brooding and he brings out a side of me which I haven’t seen in a long time.”

 

“What side?”

 

“My wilder side… Don’t worry, I’m not talking about partying and things like that… But I used to be a lot more…active and… not so meek. With you, I feel like I have to do whatever you say and… Larry doesn’t mind if I tell him off… Or just… Shit, I don’t know how to explain it.”

 

“Don’t worry, Eero. I know what you’re trying to say and it’s a good thing when you feel free to speak your mind around Larry. I understand that you feel some measure of pressure during our talks and during your stay at the clinic – that’s normal.”

 

I feel relieved. Mika understands what I am trying to say. “You didn’t answer my question though.”

 

Mika smiles. “Ah, there it is… I think it’s the first time that you’re trying to get an answer out of me. Larry does you good. You’re right, and yes, you can accept his dinner invitation. You’re free to leave the clinic during the evening, but you have to be in at nine. Don’t forget that.”

 

“I will keep it in mind and I will tell Larry again.” I feel happy because I got what I wanted. I can see Larry each day when I want to.

 

~~~

 

I feel lonely that night. I miss having Larry and the cats about. Everything is so damn quiet in here and so fucking sterile. There’s no life in here. It’s only nine o’clock, but I go to bed anyway. I feel bored, and in a way, I’m hurting. Last weekend showed me what life can be like and I want more of it. Instead, I’m stuck at the clinic.

 

~~~

 

I’m restless and that’s why I’m pacing. I’m in front of the clinic and Larry’s five minutes late, which worries me. Did he change his mind?

 

“Eero! Over here!”

 

Looking over to my right, I see Larry standing there. I expected him to show up in his car and not on foot. “You’re late!” I walk over to him and Larry pulls me into a hug.

 

“I’m sorry, but I had an interview and couldn’t get away in time. Forgive me?”

 

He grins at me and I instantly forgive him. “Of course I do… I am sorry that I reacted like that. I was afraid that you had changed your mind.”

 

“Why should I do that? I have been thinking about you the whole day!”

 

Larry’s smile makes my doubts disappear and I press tightly against him. “I have been thinking about you too. I missed you.” Larry takes my hand in his and we start walking. He rubs my fingers and we remain quiet until we reach the Tammerkoski. Instead of crossing it, Larry guides me down the stairs. Although it’s cold down here, I like it better this way. It feels more intimate. I free my hand from his hold, run a few meters, and then climb onto the iron fence next to the water. “Come and get me,” I challenge him.

 

Larry chuckles, but doesn’t speed up. He merely walks toward me and comes to a halt in front of me. I spread my legs slightly so he can move in-between them, which he does. Larry slides his hands beneath my coat and wraps me up in an embrace. I rest my head against his shoulder and sigh contently.

 

“Does this mean I caught you?” Larry whispers into my ear. “Or did you catch me?”

 

I raise my head and smile at him. “Does it matter?” Larry raises a hand and strokes my face.

 

“No, I guess it doesn’t.”

 

Suddenly his arms tighten around my waist and he lifts me. He puts me back on my feet and I give him an inquisitive look.

 

“You don’t like heights and I don’t like seeing you close to water.”

 

Something in Larry’s voice alarms me and I turn his head toward me after placing my palm against it. “Why is that?”

 

“A good friend of mine drowned a few years ago. He was goofing around and then dropped into a river. The current was strong and carried him off. He was already out of my sight when I regained my senses. They found him two days later. He had drowned.”

 

Larry’s eyes glitter with tears and I rub his cheek gently. “Where did this happen?”

 

“Up north – not here – not in Tampere, in case you’re wondering.”

 

My instincts tell me to keep talking. Larry chose this moment to tell me for a reason. “You still hurt.”

 

“Not hurt…but I felt guilty for a long time… It’s the main reason why I started drinking. It wasn’t until I got therapy that I faced my guilt and I started to work through it. I’m not there yet. I still think I could have done something. Instead, I just stood there and watched the water carry him off.”

 

“You were in shock,” I console him.

 

“I know that, but still…” Larry shrugs. “Let’s stop talking about it for now… Let’s go onto the main road again. I don’t want to be around water.”

 

I curl my arm around Larry’s waist and guide him up the stairs. We cross the bridge and walk home in silence.

 

~~~

 

Larry sits down at the kitchen table and lights a cigarette. I leave him to his thoughts for now, as I can tell he’s not brooding. He’s merely thinking. I roam the cupboards and find tinned soup, which I warm and serve with bread.

 

“Are you hungry?” I ask, breaking the silence at last. Larry returns to the present, puts out the cigarette, and takes my hand instead.

 

“Thanks for not pressuring me. I needed a moment.”

 

“I know that…” Larry’s rubbing his thumb across the palm of my hand and it makes my skin tingle. He had better stop doing that before other parts of me react as well.

 

“You made tomato soup. I would love some.”

 

I ladle the soup into his bowl and wonder if I’m going to get my hand back or not. Apparently not. Larry keeps holding onto it while he eats.

 

“I’m sorry if I ruined the mood,” Larry offers. “I wasn’t thinking of the accident until…” He shrugs helplessly.

 

“I’m glad you told me. That way, I can help you when you’re having a hard time because of it.”

 

Larry nods. “There was always alcohol around when I was a child. My father drank a lot and I think that he was an alcoholic too. I drank lots too, beer mostly, but after witnessing that accident, things got worse. I started to drink heavier stuff. Sometimes I get those feelings of guilt again and when it gets worse, I call my therapist. I have talks with him then… The support group meetings aren’t enough in that case.”

 

“As long as you get help, it’s okay…”

 

Larry nods again. “I always want to drink when I feel like that.”

 

I suck in my breath. “What happened back then wasn’t your fault, and although it’s understandable that you feel bad about it, you have no reason to feel guilty. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

“In my head I know that,” Larry whispers. “But the heart is a different matter.”

 

I move my chair closer to him, place my hands at either side of Larry’s head, and look him in the eye. “I want you to promise me something.” My therapist asked me if I was strong enough to deal with Larry’s addiction. I just found out the answer. I think I am.

 

“What?” Larry smiles fatigued at me.

 

“When you feel like you’re going to drink, come to me first. Or call me, I don’t care.” I’m serious about this. “Promise me that.”

 

“You’re determined to do this, aren’t you?” Larry’s smile regains his strength. “Are you sure you know what you’re taking on?”

 

“I don’t have a choice,” I admit. “I’m in love with you and I want to help you.”

 

Larry cocks his head, catches my hands in his, and kisses my fingertips. “Say it again.”

 

I chuckle. I should have known that he would react like that. “I’m in love with you, Larry.” Larry rubs his cheek against the palm of my hand and I hear a strange noise. “Are you purring?”

 

“Must be one of the cats,” Larry quips.

 

“They aren’t in the kitchen, Larry… That’s you!”

 

Larry grins and shrugs his shoulders. “In that case, you’re the first to make me purr!”

 

TBC

 

Part 7

 

Hum, when did I fall asleep? I raise a hand, rub my eyes, and find that I’m alone on the couch. Where’s Eero? Slash hisses at me when I sit upright, but I ignore him. Looking about the living room, I search for Eero, but I’m alone. What happened? I shift my gaze toward the clock and find that it’s eleven o’clock already. Eero had to be back at the clinic at nine, so that explains his absence.

 

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I try to remember what happened. After we had soup, we had moved into the living room. We had sat down on the couch and I had decided to lie down, resting my head in Eero’s lap. He had stroked my hair and I had become sleepy.

 

Ah, that explains it then. I had fallen asleep and Eero probably hadn’t wanted to wake me up in order to say goodbye. Damn it, I hadn’t wanted him to walk back on his own! I had wanted to drive him.

 

I rise from the couch and a letter on the coffee table attracts my attention. I unfold it and find it’s from Eero. It’s like I thought. He didn’t want to wake me, but had to report back to the clinic in time. Running a hand through my hair, I yawn and decide to head for bed. Without Eero, the bed is cold and lonely though and I’m relieved when Slash helps Axl onto the bed. The two of them curl up against my chest and I kiss them goodnight. I would rather kiss Eero though.

 

~~~

 

Beeping coming from my mobile phone wakes me the next morning. I struggle out of bed and leave the warm nest to my cats. After spending a good minute in search of the device, I find my phone in the back pocket of my jeans. The name on the display reads Jonne and I wonder what he wants. I collapse onto the couch and answer the phone. “What’s up, Jonne?”

 

“You sound cheerful!”

 

I check the time on the display and find it’s only ten. “What are you doing out of bed so early?”

 

“How do you know I already left my bed?” Jonne asks in a suspicious voice.

 

“You hate calling from your bed, so you’re already up.”

 

“You know me too well! Ah well, I was wondering if you would like to go shopping, or just have some coffee. I would come to your place, but since you have cats again…”

 

I nod. “I’ll pick you up in one hour and we’ll find a quiet little bistro, and yes, afterwards we can go shopping.” I know why Jonne’s calling. He cares, but he’s also curious and he wants to know how things are between Eero and me.

 

“Great, I’ll see you in one hour then!”

 

Jonne ends the call and I drop the phone onto the couch. Looking about, I realize how empty and quiet the place is without Eero. It’s a good thing that I have this ‘date’ with Jonne, otherwise I would drive myself insane waiting for five o’clock to arrive!

 

~~~

 

“Are you ready to go?” Jonne looks ready, but I learned to ask first.

 

“Sure, I’ll just get my coat.”

 

“Not the damn pink thing!”

 

“Yes, the damn pink thing!” Jonne appears a moment later and is wearing that damn pink parka. “The color suits me!”

 

I shrug. Arguing with Jonne is a lost case and I’m not going to try. We leave the apartment building and head into town. We end up at a quiet bistro and select a table near the window. It’s sunny for a chance and we want to bask in those warm rays.

 

“You look well,” Jonne starts once he shrugged out of his parka and draped it over the back of his chair.

 

“I don’t feel that great though. Shows what a little bit of make-up can do.” I order coffee for me and Jonne wants his favorite tea.

 

“What’s wrong? Does it have something to do with Eero?” Jonne rests his elbow on the table and supports his head by placing his chin on the knuckles. “Did you fight?”

 

“No, nothing like that. It’s just frustrating that I have to return him to the clinic each evening. Last night, I wanted him to stay, but he couldn’t.”

 

“So how are things between the two of you?”

 

The waiter brings us our drinks and I take a good swig from my coffee. I needed that. “We’re in love.”

 

Jonne gasps at hearing that. “You already talked to him about your feelings?”

 

“Eero is in therapy, Jonne, and I am too occasionally. In therapy, you learn that it’s important to discuss your feelings, so yes, we discussed the attraction.” Curling my fingers around the mug, I glance at Jonne. “I think this is the real thing.” Jonne smiles brilliantly: he’s obviously happy for me.

 

“That’s great. I never pictured you and Eero before, but if the two of you are in love…”

 

Jonne doesn’t finish the sentence, as he doesn’t need to. “Yes, we’re in love and I have the feeling we will work out. The real test comes when he’s discharged from the clinic though. Then he has to stand on his own two feet and you know what it was like when they released me.”

 

“I remember that,” Jonne says and sips from his tea. “You had a hard time organizing your life again.”

 

“I wouldn’t have made it if it hadn’t been for you and the rest.” The whole band had supported me – including Christus, although he’d had a hard time himself.

 

“If the two of you are meant to be together, you will get together,” Jonne says firmly.

 

“You’re right…” Everything will work out. I’m sure of it.

 

~~~

 

Going shopping with Jonne always exhausts me and today was no exception. I’m glad Jonne went home. He spent more than enough money!

 

Checking the time, I realize I’m ten minutes early. That will please Eero. I pace the street while I’m waiting for him to join me. Eight minutes later, the door opens, and Eero steps onto the street. “Eero…” I walk over to him, wrap him up in my arms, and hug him tight.

 

“Hey, I still need to breathe!” Eero objects, but weakly.

 

“Sorry,” I say quickly and loosen my hold on him. “And sorry for falling asleep on you yesterday. I wanted to drive you to the clinic.”

 

“I didn’t mind the walk,” Eero assures me. “What are we doing this evening?”

 

“I want to take you out for dinner, if that is okay with you. Nothing fancy,” I reassure him when he starts to object. “I was thinking about Hesburger.”

 

Eero chuckles loudly and brushes his hair behind his ears. “Hesburger is fine with me. It’s been ages since I ate there.”

 

Eero moves closer, I pull him against me, and wrap an arm firmly around him. He gives me a probing look and I shrug. “I want to know you close.”

 

“You missed me,” Eero says as we walk toward the nearest Hesburger.

 

“I did… And I felt bad for being asleep when you had to leave. That won’t happen again.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. What did you do today?”

 

“I went shopping with Jonne and forgot how demanding he can be! We spent hours finding him a pair of jeans which he really liked!” We reach Hesburger and I open the door. We walk over to the counter and I place my order. “What do you want?”

 

Eero studies the menus on offer. “I want fries and a mega burger!”

 

Looking at Eero, I see that he’s practically drooling. “I can tell that it has been a while since you had one!” Eero elbows me in the side, but I don’t pay it any attention and pay for our order. We’re told to sit down as they will bring us our food. Apparently, they don’t have the mega burger ready. I find us a place in the back and I take Eero’s hand in mine when we sit down. “I missed having you about.”

 

“I missed you too. They tried to distract me with art therapy. I ended up drawing a face that resembled yours.”

 

Eero blushes and I squeeze his fingers. “That’s cute,” escapes me.

 

A waiter brings our order and we open our little boxes. Eero’s however is bigger than mine. “That’s one mega burger,” I chuckle.

 

Eero realizes the same thing as he stares at the hamburger. “There’s no way I can fit that into my mouth!”

 

“Hum, you will have to open up big.” I grin innocently at him and Eero seems to hear the underlying sexual innuendo. In the end, Eero flattens the burger a bit and manages to take a bite off it. He munches on it, but has trouble to keep everything inside. “I wish I had a camera with me.” Oh, I do have one with me! I uncover my mobile phone and while Eero tries to stop me, I take a picture of him.

 

“That’s mean!” he complains with his mouth still full of food and I quickly take another picture. “You’re mean to me!” He swallows the burger and pouts.

 

“Don’t be like that. You wanted that mega burger!” I put my phone away and grin. “Those photos will come in handy in the future.” Eero however, is still pouting and there’s a certain gleam in his eyes that warns me that I might be in for payback later.

 

~~~

 

We don’t go home after our stay at Hesburger. We end up roaming the streets and once more I find myself browsing the shops. Eero however doesn’t spend his money the way Jonne does. He looks at a lot of stuff, but doesn’t buy anything.

 

“I talked about my finances to my therapist,” Eero says as he puts down a leather bracelet. “He thinks everything will sort itself out once I’m discharged and able to find a job.”

 

“What kind of work would you like to do?”

 

“I had a lot of jobs… I don’t care what kind of work I do as long as it pays.”

 

“Any ideas though? You should do something you like doing…” I’m not giving up yet.

 

“It would be ideal if I could make money with making music, but I know that’s not possible. I don’t know what kind of work I want to do… I didn’t give it much thought.”

 

“Maybe you should. When opportunity knocks, you have to be ready for it.”

 

We leave the shop, return to the cold outside, and head for the clinic. It’s a quarter to nine. “I want to stop time so you can stay with me,” I whisper into his ear.

 

Eero leans heavily against me and whispers, “Tomorrow it’s Friday. If you still want me, I’m yours for the weekend.”

 

“Oh, I like that,” I purr into his ear. I stop Eero in his tracks, turn him around so he isn’t facing the clinic, and slide my hands beneath his coat. They find a way beneath Eero’s shirt and I stroke the soft skin there.

 

“Your hands are cold!” Eero shivers and giggles at the same time.

 

“Not for long.” I claim his lips and pull him tightly against me. Slowly, my hormones are getting the better of me and I crave more. “Will you sleep in my bed this weekend?” Eero squirms against me and I tighten my hold on him. Damn it, I’m growing hard and I can’t help it. “You feel good…” I run my hands up his back and want more of him. As Eero is close, I feel him grow erect too. The attraction really is mutual. “I want to kiss you…touch you…and hold you forever.” Eero suddenly shoves me away from him and I pant hard at seeing the passion in his eyes.

 

“Larry, you have to stop… We can’t do this… Not now…not here… It’s almost nine and when I’m late they might not allow me out during the weekend.”

 

I curse loudly, but realize he’s right. “Give me one last kiss then.” Eero’s lips seek out mine and I crush him against me. “I can’t get enough of you.”

 

Eero ends the kiss, pulls away, and shakes his head at me. “What’s gotten into you?”

 

“I’m in love,” I explain my actions. “I’m like that when I’m in love.” I’m passionate: I can’t help that. Eero will have to get used to it. “I’ll pick you up at five tomorrow. Don’t forget to pack.”

 

“I won’t.” Eero smiles, presses a kiss onto my lips, and turns around. He disappears inside the clinic and I’m alone once more.


~~~

 

As it’s extremely cold tonight, I opt for the car to get me to the clinic. It’s five minutes to five and I’m excited. I will have Eero to myself for the weekend and I made plans for the next two days. I hope Eero will like them! I get out of the car and lean against it. I light a cigarette and watch the smoke drift away in the cold air.

 

The door opens and Eero steps outside. He’s carrying his bag and looks about until he sees me. “Do you still want me?”

 

“Of course!” I drop my cigarette to the curb and hug Eero tight. “I’ve been looking forward to this moment the whole week. We’ll have a great weekend!” Eero gives me a probing look. He knows I’ve been up to something. “I made plans, yes.”

 

“Do I want to know about them?”

 

“You’ll find out tomorrow.” I take his bag, put it on the backseat, and instead of getting behind the wheel, I wrap my arms around him again. “I want to kiss you.” Eero looks good enough to eat. His hair smells of fruit and he put on some make-up. I love seeing that eyeliner on him. “You look hot.” Eero strokes some of my curls away from my face and smiles at me.

 

“It feels great, knowing that there’s someone out there waiting for me.”

 

“Waiting for you? Wanting you.” I give him a wink and Eero’s smile deepens. “Let’s head home. Axl and Slash are already waiting for you.” Gallantly I open the car door for him, and once he’s inside, I slide behind the wheel and start the engine. I still can’t believe it – we got the whole weekend to ourselves.

 

~~~

 

“What did you do?” Eero drops his bag onto the kitchen floor and turns around with a stunned look on his face.

 

I shrug and light the three candles, which I put on the table. “I want to make it up to you for last night.”

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Eero circles the table.

 

I did my best setting it. I added the candles and even put rose paddles on the table. “Jonne gave me the idea. He said that I should do something romantic.” And I did. “Are you hungry?”

 

Eero looks at the stove and oven and realizes there is lots of food. “You really didn’t have to do this.”

 

I help Eero out of his coat and guide him to the kitchen chair. “Sit down, will you?” I move the chair closer to the table when he sits down. I saw people do that in the movies and I always wanted to do it myself. “I hope you like chicken soup.” Eero nods absentmindedly, while his fingertips caress the rose petals.

 

I fill our bowls with soup and sit down opposite him. Eero looks stunned and it’s obvious that he never expected this. “Don’t forget to eat,” I say teasingly. Axl found her way into the kitchen and now pushes herself against my shins, seeking attention, but the only one I want to give attention to is Eero right now. He picks up the spoon and eats the soup. He manages to compose himself and raises his head to make eye contact. “Does it taste any good?”

 

“It tastes fine…” Eero’s skin, which was pale when I collected him at the clinic, is turning pink.

 

We finish the soup and I collect his plate. I put the beef, potatoes, and peas on it and place it in front of him. “Is that okay?” Again, he nods and then looks at me. “I want to make tonight special.”

 

“You did…” Eero moistens his lips and waits for me to join him again before he starts eating.

 

I reach behind me for the radio and switch it on. I programmed it to play rock ballads and Eero gives me another look, which makes me smile. Yes, I planned this – bad me!

 

“Larry?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“No one ever did anything like this before. Thanks.”

 

I place my knife onto the plate and reach across the table to gather his hand in mine. “I’m a romantic at heart,” I tell him. “You had better expect more actions like this one.”

 

“Are you telling me what you have planned for tomorrow? I would like to know what to expect.”

 

I understand that. “We’re taking the train to Helsinki in the morning and we’ll go home in the evening.”

 

“Helsinki?” Eero obviously didn’t expect that.

 

“A change of scenery will do you good and I want out too.” There are some great CD-shops in Helsinki and I want to shop for music.

 

“I’ve been to Helsinki twice,” Eero says as he puts down his knife and fork. “It’s a beautiful city when the weather’s right.”

 

I agree. “They predicted sun tomorrow. We will freeze our asses off, but it will be dry and sunny.” Eero turns my hand in his and runs his thumb across my palm.

 

“You have no idea what this means to me,” Eero says softly. “You make me feel special and… I like feeling that way.”

 

“I’ll do my best to make you feel that way each day… If you let me.” I move my chair closer to Eero’s and slide a hand into his hair. I pull him in for a kiss and Eero inches toward me. Growing bolder, I pull him onto my lap. Eero wraps an arm around me and his other hand disappears beneath my sweater. Looking him in the eye, I can tell where we are headed. I want it too, but aren’t we moving too fast? “Are you sure about this?”

 

Eero rubs his thumb against my cheek and gives me a thoughtful look. “I’m sure,” he says. “I want this… And I need it too.”

 

Running a hand up his back, I stroke the skin along his spine. “Do you have a preference in bed?” I learned one thing – it’s best to talk before having sex.

 

Eero bites onto his bottom lip and says, “I want you to take me – tonight that is.”

 

“Ah, you like it the other way around too?” That’s good to know. I like to alternate roles. Being on top all the time isn’t my thing.

 

“I do, but tonight, I want to feel you—that way.” Eero grabs hold of his T-shirt and removes it, baring his upper body to me.

 

“What are you doing to me?” My erection presses painfully against my jeans. I run my hands across his chest and rub his nipples. Eero reacts by moaning loudly and he throws back his head. “I want to taste you.” I slide my tongue down his throat and then travel lower, licking and teasing along the way until I reach a nipple. Flipping it with my tongue, I look at Eero: he has closed his eyes.

 

Pleasure lies on his face and his fingers claw at my back. I love it when someone knows how to surrender himself to me. Sucking at the hardening flesh, I slide one hand into his jeans to cup a buttock. Eero twitches against me and his reactions tell me that he won’t last long. “Let’s move this to the bedroom.” I don’t want our first time to be in the kitchen.

 

I don’t let go of him. Instead, I wrap my arms tightly around him and lift him. Eero clings to me and wraps his arms and legs around me. I carry him into the bedroom and lower him onto the bed. He looks debauched – his lips are bruised due to our kissing and he has tiny marks on his throat and chest. I left them there by sucking his tender skin. “Let’s get you out of these.” I unbutton his jeans and place a hand on his groin. He’s hard and I rub him through the fabric of his boxers. “You want this… You want this badly.”

 

Eero groans helplessly and I accept his surrender. I vow not to disappoint him. I quickly do away with my sweater and place Eero’s hands on my chest. “I want you to touch me in turn.”

 

Eero opens his eyes and his pupils are dilated with lust. The way he moves beneath me shows his need, and although I want to take my time with him, I have the feeling we won’t make it if I do. “You’re so beautiful – all over, Eero.” Eero raises his hips and I take that as a sign to rid him of his underwear. “Really beautiful,” I add, seeing him fully naked. I curl my fingers around his erection and massage him gently. I don’t want him to come yet, but he needs the stimulation.

 

Leaning in closer, I kiss my way from his chest bone to his groin and I lick at the tip, tasting him. “I want you, damn it…” I won’t be able to hold back much longer.

 

“Then take me…”

 

How can I resist him when he says something like that? I reach across him, open the drawer in the nightstand, and remove the condoms that I keep there. “What way?” I whisper into his ear. “I would love to see your face though.” Eero sits upright, unzips my jeans, and pulls them down along with my boxers. He licks across his bottom lip and cocks his head. He looks like temptation come alive and I harden further when his warm fingers stroke me. “You’re…” I don’t finish, as I can’t find the right words. Eero’s everything I ever wanted in a lover.

 

Eero reaches for one of the condoms, opens the package, and removes it. He rolls it down my cock and gives me a wicked look. He puts a pillow beneath his ass, spreads his legs wantonly, and pulls me into his arms. Ah, that’s the way he wants it – that’s fine with me. I move in-between his legs and offer him to lick my fingers. He lavishes them and once they’re moist, I lower them to his entrance. I massage the ring and then push one finger inside. “You’re tight,” I whisper. I should have known that.

 

“It’s okay… I can take it… Please don’t stop,” Eero begs.

 

I know he’s close and craves release, but I refuse to hurt him while making love to him. I uncap the tube and squeeze some of the gel onto my fingers. “Don’t worry, baby… You’ll feel me soon – very soon.” Now that my fingers are coated with the gel, I enter him again and this time, it goes much smoother. I massage his channel until it starts to expand and then remove my fingers. After coating the condom with the gel