Title: Sweet and Deceitful

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Pairing: Jack (Private Line) / Jonne (Negative)

Rating: R
Summary: Jonne and Jack are sent off to do some promotion for their bands.

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money out of these stories!

Warning: Real Person Slash.

Betaed by DA. All remaining mistakes are mine.

Part 1

Getting ready for departure

Jonne sat in his brother’s office at the record company huddled within a thick scarf and an even thicker sweater. Some severe influenza virus had hit him a few days ago and, although he had been able to perform at Tammerfest, he still felt under the weather. If it hadn’t been for those ‘stimulating pills’ his doctor had given him, he wouldn’t have been able to perform that day. He knew that for sure.

Things hadn’t really improved since then because he wasn’t allowed any rest. Interviews, photo shoots...everything continued like before and day after day, Jonne dragged himself from his bed to attend to these duties. At the moment, he was so damn tired that only his brother’s strong coffee had kept his eyes from closing and him dozing off.

“You aren’t listening,” Tommi said and pointed a finger at his younger brother.

“This is important, so at least try to pay attention!”

“Anteeksi,” Jonne mumbled, but the word was barely audible since it was muffled from the scarf. “I’m listening now.”

Tommi wasn’t completely satisfied with the amount of attention Jonne was giving their conversation, but it had to do. He knew that his younger brother was still feeling the aftereffects of that damn flu. “I don’t want to be rude, but this *is* important,” he apologized.

Jonne nodded and sipped his coffee. Normally he would have preferred tea, but coffee had way more caffeine and he needed that at the moment.

Tommi continued his monologue. “As I said, this is important. It’s the first time we’re trying to do something like this in sending off Negative and Private Line on a double headlining tour throughout Europe. If the promotion goes well, you’ll give concerts in a number of countries we’ve never toured in before. Jonne!” To Tommi’s dismay, he found that his brother’s eyes were actually closing.

Jonne startled awake again. Had he really been sleeping with his eyes still half-open?

Tommi sat down next to Jonne on the couch, feeling concerned. “Have you seen your doctor lately? I told you to go, didn’t I?”

Jonne nodded. “I still need to go...don’t have the time yet. There’s always something to do.” He yawned and snuggled up to his older brother. With his knees pulled close to his chest, his arms wrapped around them, and his head resting on Tommi’s shoulder, he instantly felt more at ease.

Tommi put an arm around his younger brother and said, “Then visit him today. You being ill is a risk we can’t take now that I’m about to send you off for this promo tour.”

Jonne was instantly awake and raised his head. “What tour?” With his big, blue eyes slightly glazed with hints of fever, he looked at his older brother and manager.

Tommi sighed. “You haven’t heard a single word I said, have you?”

Jonne had the grace to blush. “I’m sleepy…”

Tommi placed a finger beneath his brother’s chin and raised the blond head a little higher so he could study Jonne’s eyes extensively. “Are you still running a fever?” He placed his other hand against Jonne’s brow to probe.

Jonne tried to move away from Tommi, but his older brother didn’t let go. “Maybe just a little…”

“Jonne, see your doctor and then go home to rest. Tell Ville to make you some tea and put some honey in it for your throat.” Tommi suddenly felt guilty for being unable to award his brother the rest which he needed to fully recover. “Are you still coughing?” Jonne suffered from asthma and the condition often got worse when he was ill.

“Not much.” Jonne deliberately downplayed his asthma attacks. He wasn’t going to tell Tommi that they had gotten worse. These days, he went nowhere without his trusted inhalers. They were his life savers.

Tommi didn’t quite believe his younger brother, but what was he to do? If this promo tour was a success, Negative would gain an even bigger audience. “I’ll pick you up at six AM and drive you to Pirkkala airport, okay?” Jonne’s eyes widened marginally at hearing that, but Tommi noticed it.

“Tomorrow morning? I’m leaving that soon? And where the hell am I going?”

“Your first stop is Berlin… Then you’ll travel to Amsterdam, Austria, and Hungary. Those are our main targets for now.”

Jonne started to suspect he was in for trouble. “How long is this going to take?”

“Roughly a week, but if more interviews come up, I want you to do those as well. And take your acoustic guitar with you. Some radio stations might want a live performance.”

Jonne could barely believe it. He was going to be on the road for at least a week. That meant stress, jet lag, and…how was he going to rest and recover from this flu? He would definitely have to get his hands on more of those pills, but he wasn’t sure his doctor would continue to prescribe them. They had originally been intended to get him through the Tammerfest gig, but afterwards, he had managed to persuade the guy at the pharmacy to give him another round of the meds. He wasn’t sure that would work a third time. /Ask Christus… He knows where to get these things!/ a little voice in his head suggested. Jonne nodded. Christus might be able to get them for him.

“Jonne? Hey, can I send you off? Or should I cancel the tour?” Tommi disliked the distant expression in the blue eyes which were hiding something from him. He knew Jonne was having a hard time getting over this flu, but he also knew his brother was strong.

“I’ll do it,” Jonne whispered before sipping more coffee, but he wasn’t sure how much more his body could take. He desperately needed to snuggle up in his bed, be warm, and give his body a chance to deal with this flu.

“Okay, I’ll phone Japa and let him know to meet you at Pirkkala airport…”

Jonne stared at his brother in surprise. “Japa? Why would you…?” Jonne didn’t get a chance to finish his question as his brother interrupted him.

“Jonne, you do remember that it’ll be Negative *and* Private Line touring Europe? Of course one of them is coming along! And since Sammy just became a father a second time, and since Jack is popular with the fans as well, Japa was a logical choice.” Tommi’s eyes narrowed. Jonne hadn’t been paying attention at all!

Jonne swallowed hard and realized how sore his throat still was. He definitely had to do something about that, especially if he was supposed to sing as well as do those interviews Tommi had mentioned. “So it’ll be Japa and me?”

Tommi nodded. “Is that a problem?”

Jonne wasn’t sure. He didn’t know Jack that well, but then, he didn’t know Sammy that well either, so it didn’t make much of a difference who would be accompanying him on that promo tour. “I don’t think so. I’ll manage.” A deep frown appeared on his brow as he tried to remember past encounters with the guitarist. Japa and he had never really talked as Jack always preferred Christus’ company. Those two were really close – he knew that much. “I’ll manage,” he repeated, hoping he wouldn’t mess up.

~~~

Jonne dragged himself into the living area of the apartment which he shared with his younger brother. He wasn’t sure Ville was at home and looked about. Seeing no one, he collapsed onto the couch and let go of the violent coughs that had threatened to rob him off his breath as he had climbed those damn stairs. Frantically searching his hand bag, he eventually found his inhaler and managed to inhale the freeing substance. A few seconds later, the attack abated and he could breathe a bit easier.

“Hey, I didn’t expect you home so early!” Ville walked into the living room and frowned as he saw the distress his older brother was in. “Not feeling well?” He sat on his heels in front of Jonne and rubbed his brother’s knee soothingly.

Jonne needed another moment before he was able to address Ville. “Damn flu…”

“Want me to get you something to drink? Some tea?” Ville smiled calmly at his brother. He liked taking care of Jonne. His brother seldom gave him the chance to do so. In the past, Jonne had always been the strong one, the shoulder Ville had cried on, and now being able to be there for Jonne was something Ville craved. He wanted to do something in return for all the loving care which Jonne had bestowed on him in the past, and especially in the last year, which had been so hard for him – for both of them. Ville hoped he had defeated his alcohol problems for now. He hadn’t touched any alcohol for three months and was doing his best to stay sober. He owed Jonne big time for supporting him through his therapy to get away from alcohol. Well, he didn’t exactly ‘owe’ Jonne, but he *was* grateful. Jonne’s support *had* been the deciding factor that had made him clean up his act.

“Tea would be nice,” Jonne said and he did his best to return Ville’s smile, even though he didn’t feel like it. He felt like curling up on the couch and sleeping for the next few days, but sadly enough, that wasn’t an option.

Ville rose from the floor and went into the kitchen where he made their tea. He added honey to Jonne’s cup and then carried the tray into the living room, where Jonne was already half asleep. “Hey, drink this and then I’ll get you in bed.”

Sleepily, Jonne opened one eye and wrapped his trembling fingers around the cup. He blew onto the hot surface before sipping. “Kiitos,” he whispered, thanking his brother.

Ville sat down next to Jonne and stroked the blond hair comfortingly. They had always been close, but ever since he had stopped his drinking frenzy, Jonne and he had become even closer. Ville had finally realized how lucky he was to have a brother like Jonne, who had not taken ‘no’ for an answer and had held him close whenever he had begged for a drink so the pain would stop. But Jonne had been steadfast and had gotten him through it – with the help of the therapist of course. “You need to rest. You know that, don’t you?”

Jonne nodded and sipped again. “But I can’t. I need to pack.”

Ville’s eyes widened with surprise. “Pack? You’re not going anywhere in that condition!”

Jonne smiled warmly and felt deeply touched by his brother’s concern. “Tommi organized something… Japa and I’ll be doing some interviews in Europe. I need to be at Pirkkala at six. Tommi will pick me up in…” Jonne checked the time – it was midnight already. “He’ll pick me up in four hours. No time to sleep.” Jonne cuddled up to his brother and sighed deeply.

Ville immediately pulled Jonne close. “But, you’re in no condition to travel! You haven’t slept through a single night for…for how long? A week now?”

Jonne closed his eyes and smiled contentedly in his brother’s embrace. “I’ll manage. It’s only a week. I’ll survive.” The tea cup started to slip out of Jonne’s trembling fingers and Ville rescued it just in time before it could leave a stain on Jonne’s jeans.

Ville actually considered phoning Tommi to call the trip off, but then again, he knew his oldest brother well and realized Tommi wouldn’t like it if they ruined his plans for the band. Ville loved his brother, but hated their manager. Still stroking Jonne’s hair, Ville whispered, “You sleep and I’ll pack.”

Jonne was already asleep and didn’t hear his brother’s voice anymore. He was so damn tired… He also didn’t notice Ville getting up from the couch or lowering him onto the couch. A moment later, Ville covered him with a blanket and Jonne released a contented sigh.

Ville, however, frowned, disliking the way Jonne was exhausting himself. He was determined to talk to Tommi the first chance he got, but for now, he was going to keep his word and pack his brother’s bags.

---

Christus sighed. At the time, letting Jack spend the night in his bed had seemed like a good idea, but now he was getting frustrated. “Stop it, damn it!”

Jack opened one sleepy eye and stared at his best friend from beneath long lashes. “Stop…what?” he managed sleepily. He wasn’t doing anything except sleeping!

Christus tried to move away from Jack, who seemed to be everywhere. The red-black hair teased against his face, the arms had become wrapped around his torso and the feet… ”Jack, keep your fucking feet to yourself! They’re cold!”

Japa grinned. “Then what’s keeping you from warming them?”

“I am *not* rubbing your feet! The next time you sleep over I’ll get you some of Jonne’s socks. He has these pink, thermal socks… They would be perfect for you!”

Jack’s grin grew cold. “I can leave, if you want me to. Want me to drive home so you can have your precious bed to yourself?” The mere mention of Jonne irked him. It irritated him that Christus was thinking of that blond bimbo while he was in Christus’ bed!

Christus sighed dramatically. He still didn’t understand why Jack always overreacted when he mentioned Jonne. It couldn’t be jealousy – he had ruled that out a long time ago since Jack and he were best friends and not lovers. Therefore Jack had no reason to be jealous of Jonne, who was only a close friend as far as Christus was concerned. But still, Jack always got defensive whenever Jonne’s name was mentioned. “Hey, what’s wrong?” In order to make up – for whatever he had done wrong! – Christus pulled Jack close and looked him in the eye. “I don’t get it.”

Jack sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that…” He wasn’t sure either why he always reacted that way whenever Jonne came up. He only knew that he was extremely jealous of the vocalist who seemed to occupy Christus’ thoughts most of the time. But why was he jealous? He wasn’t in love with Christus, they had never slept together, and he couldn’t picture himself in a relationship with the chaotic guitar player. So why…?

“Hey, stop thinking!” Christus rested his brow against Jack’s. As far as he was concerned they were soul mates. Jack was his best friend, his confidante, and he knew he could always count on the younger man’s support. And Christus in turn did his best do to do the same thing for Japa. They were closer than Christus had ever been with Matthau, his ‘real’ brother and that was why he worried about Jack now.

Jack closed his eyes. “I’m on edge…” He cuddled closer to Christus and closed his eyes. “It’s this stupid promo thing our management came up with!”

Christus blinked. “Promo tour? What the hell are you talking about?” And why didn’t he know a thing about it?

Japa opened his eyes and looked in Christus’ green ones. “Didn’t your precious Jonne tell you about that?”

Christus sighed. “No, my ‘precious’ Jonne didn’t tell me anything. I haven’t talked to him since the Tammerfest gig. Now, are you going to tell me what pisses you off?” And what the hell did Jonne have to do with it? He liked Jonne, had once been madly in love with him, but they had never become lovers. Jonne was rather… selective with the people who he took as lovers, and sadly enough for Christus, Jonne had decided to keep any band members out of his bed. At the time, Christus had been angry and disappointed, but Jonne, in that special way of his, had taken him aside and had talked to him – explained matters to him. In the end, Christus had realized that keeping business and pleasure separate would be best for everyone involved and they had continued their friendship, once more thoroughly enjoying their French kissing on stage.

Jack sat upright in bed and stared angrily at the wall. “Apparently our managers want to promote our bands abroad and they’re sending Jonne and me off on this trip to do interviews and stuff.” He reached for his cigarettes and lit one. Slowly, he inhaled, closed his eyes, and exhaled. Ah, much better.

Christus sat upright too and studied Jack’s expression. “You really don’t want to go on this trip, do you?” Why hadn’t anyone told him about the tour? He was part of the band too, wasn’t he?

“I have to,” Jack explained. “Sammy wants to spend time with his family and I don’t blame him and since I seem to be equally popular with the girls.” A predatory grin lit up his whole face. “They‘re sending me instead of Sammy.”

Christus reached for his cigarettes as well. He studied the cloud of smoke that formed when they both exhaled. “Jonne isn’t that bad…” The next moment, Jack cuffed him hard. “Hey, it’s the truth! He’s a nice guy!”

“I hate him…”

Christus’ eyes widened. “You hate him?” Japa ‘hate’ someone? Those two things didn’t seem to go together. Jack was one of the easiest guys to be around. He was always friendly, good-natured, and had a smile for everyone, even for the most annoying fan.

Jack finished his cigarette and then got out of bed. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

Christus shook his head. “What has gotten into you? I don’t know you like this.”

Jack walked over to the window and looked out over the city. He liked Tampere and regretted being unable to live there, but Helsinki was his home now. “Just forget I ever told you, okay?”

But Christus wouldn’t have that. He swung his feet to the floor, walked up to Jack, and slung his arms around the younger man’s waist. “Give Jonne a fair chance, please. I don’t know why you don’t like him, but… He’s a good friend and I know that once you give him a chance, he’ll grow on you.”

Jack remained quiet, not wanting to discuss the matter any further. “I need to get ready… The plane leaves in a few hours and I still need to pack.”

Christus turned Jack around in the embrace and tilted his head so he could probe Jack’s blue eyes. They had grown greyer and were blazing angrily at him. “Don’t leave like this… I don’t want you to bite Jonne’s head off the moment you see him. Do this for me, please. If you care about me, then try to get along with him.”

Jack couldn’t deny Christus anything and the older guitarist knew that. Japa cursed inwardly, but then nodded. “He’ll get one chance…”

“Kiitos…” Christus stroked Jack’s cheek and smiled at him. “That’s all I’m asking for.” They stood there for a few moments, enjoying the closeness and then Christus asked, “Want me to call you a taxi?” At times like these, he really hated the fact that he had lost his driver’s license, or else he might have taken Jack to the airport himself.

Jack nodded. “Give me a moment though to get my stuff together.”

“I’ll help,” Christus said and then Jack laughed warmly. It warmed Christus from the inside. “What?”

“If you help, it’ll take me even longer to get ready!”

Christus playfully smacked Jack’s bottom. “Then you do it yourself.”

Chuckling, Jack started to collect his things and stuff it into his suitcase.

~~~

An hour later, the taxi arrived. Jack’s suitcase and bags were packed and the guitar player put the finishing touch to his appearance with his favorite hat. Grinning at Christus, Jack hugged him close and gave him a long kiss in which their tongues twirled around each other. He had often wondered why they had never gone any further. Maybe both of them knew that they wouldn’t work out and that it was best to remain friends. “I’ll see you soon,” Jack said, comforting Christus, who looked sad. “And then I’ll make things up to you. We’ll drink all evening and be silly all night.”

That promise brought a smile to Christus’ face. “I’ll keep you to that.”

They shared another kiss and then it was time for Jack to head for the airport. It was only a half-hour drive, but he didn’t want to take any chances. Sitting down in the back of the taxi, Jack rolled down the window and, braving the winter’s cold that cut right into his face, waved at Christus.

Christus waved a little longer and then went inside. He hated the cold that came with the Finnish winter. Searching for a distraction, he picked up his mobile phone and realized that he had missed a call. Apparently Jonne had tried to reach him. Curious, he hit the button and called the singer back.

~~~

Jonne was already on his way to his taxi when his phone rang. Ville was putting his pink suitcase in the back of the car and Jonne gave him a grateful smile. His brother had been great the last few hours, allowing him to get some sleep while packing his stuff for him. Jonne eventually found his phone and answered the call.

“Hei, Jonne, it’s me.”

Jonne grinned. “I saw your name on the display.” He quickly pulled Ville close, gave him a kiss on his cheek and then sat down in the taxi. Ville waved at him and Jonne waved back. It was good to have his younger brother living with him again. He had disliked living on his own when Ville had wanted to be ‘independent’ for a while. Ville had moved back in once his alcohol problems had gotten the upper hand.

“Jonne, why did you call?” Christus smiled secretively, knowing Jonne’s thoughts must have drifted off again.

“Ah well...” Jonne pulled his thick cloak close and checked again if he had packed his inhalers. “I need something from you. Remember those pills my doctor gave me before we went onstage at the Tammerfest? Do you have something similar?”

Christus frowned. It wasn’t like Jonne to ask for some drugs. “Are you not okay then?” He recalled how exhausted Jonne had been after the gig, but days had passed by since then and he had thought his friend would have recovered by now.

Jonne closed his eyes and briefly nibbled on his bottom lip. “I need them, Chris… I need something to keep me awake… to keep me going during this promo tour.”

“Jonne, you shouldn’t… You should stay clear of those things! It’s bad enough I can’t keep away from things like that, but you… This is not like you!”

“I only need them for this upcoming week. Chris, this is important!” He hated the way Tommi’s words echoed his own. “This will help Negative to get better known!”

“I still don’t like it,” Christus whispered.

“Please Chris… Don’t let me down.”

Christus sighed deeply, subconsciously picturing the way Jonne’s blue eyes would become big and look pleadingly at him. “I have something that might help…”

Jonne sighed in relief and told the taxi driver to make a detour to Christus’ apartment. “I’ll be there in ten.”

Christus terminated the call and felt like banging his head into the wall. He should have told Jonne no...why hadn’t he?

~~~

Jonne quickly got out of the taxi, put up the collar of his coat, and marched over to the building that housed Christus’ apartment. He rang the doorbell and waited impatiently. Standing there in the cold and rain was only making his condition worse and he started coughing again. The fever was also rising...his brow burned.

Christus opened the door and pulled Jonne inside out of the cold. A quick look at the vocalist’s well-hidden features showed that his friend felt exhausted. He knew that look in those glazed eyes. “Jonne, are you sure you want to go through with this?” In his hand, he held the pills that Jonne seemed to be craving badly, for the singer took them from him and slid the bottle into a pocket. “Jonne, you need to be in bed…” He reached out and pushed the scarf away from Jonne’s face so he could search his friend’s eyes better. “You feel hot!” He was dismayed to feel the rising fever beneath his fingertips.

“Chris, I’ll be back in a week and then I can rest. I need to do this first. For the band, our music…for Tommi.”

Christus merely shook his head. He knew from personal experience just how stubborn Jonne was. “Don’t overdo it. Don’t take more than two a day.”

Jonne nodded and then hugged Christus close. “I owe you.”

Christus had a bad feeling when he watched Jonne return to the taxi. The singer was coughing badly and already reaching for the pills.

~~~

Jack had already checked in. The always dependable Tommi had made all of the necessary arrangements and it looked like their flight was going to leave on time for a change. But now Jack was left pacing the waiting area. Why? Because Jonne was late, of course. Why wasn’t he surprised? Well, it would be a good reason to pick on the blond when he eventually got there. Yes, he had promised Christus to give Jonne a chance, but this was too good not to use to his advantage! He was already looking forward to pestering Jonne with it when someone called his name.

“Jack! I’m sorry, but the taxi had a flat tire!” Jonne dragged his suitcase and bag with him through the crowd while looking apologetically at Jack.

Jack turned around and smiled menacingly. He would definitely feel better after telling Jonne what he thought about the blond being late, but then he got his first good look at the singer and frowned. Jonne was having problems putting his suitcase on the conveyor belt and that shouldn’t be reason for the blond to be panting like he had run the marathon.

Jonne quickly checked in, had his luggage taken care of, and then turned to Jack with an apologetic smile on his face. His scarf had moved away from his face, revealing his features to the guitarist, who was giving him a very odd look. “Is something wrong?” He had apologized for being late even though that hadn’t been his fault and had hopefully taken away any reason why Jack would be angry with him. The fact that he had already taken two of the pills had gotten him through the taxi ride, during which he had ended up in the cold rain again because he had helped the driver switch tires. His clothes were still soaked due to the rain, but the pills did their job and Jonne barely felt the chills shaking his body.

Japa however noticed them and the spiteful remark that he had been about to aim at Jonne froze on his lips. Instead of biting Jonne’s head off, as Christus had put it, he found himself growing worried about his traveling companion, who couldn’t seem to stand still. Something was definitely wrong with Jonne, but what the hell it was, Jack couldn’t say.

Part 2

Having to make it work…

Jack felt ill at ease with Jonne staring at him with those eyes of his. Christus had often talked about *that* look in Jonne’s eyes and Japa had always prided himself on being immune to it should that look one day be directed at him, but it *was* having some effect on him. “We should move on… Get through the security check and stuff like that.” He needed to move, to get away from this uneasy feeling.

Jonne smiled and nodded. “Sure, we don’t want to be late!” He pulled his scarf back in place and checked the location of his inhalers again. He had taken three of them with him while packing some spares, just in case. He followed Jack and they went through the checks. Eventually they arrived in the terminal, where they could shop or have a drink. Jonne, for his part, craved something to drink since he hadn’t packed any bottled water. “We still have over an hour left. Do you want to sit down and have some tea? Or coffee,” he added upon seeing the disdain on Jack’s face. Absentmindedly, Jonne noticed how much younger and more vulnerable Jack looked without his make-up on. It was a handsome face, pleasant to look at, and the eyes were quite something, although Jonne suspected that might be due to the contacts the other man wore.

Japa wanted to get away from the blond. He had been so determined to dislike Jonne, but Christus had been right: Jonne was a nice guy. “I’m going to have a look at the shops. I’ll meet you here in fifty.” And with that, he marched off.

Jonne stayed behind feeling rather mystified, but then he walked over to a bar and ordered tea and water. Instead of staying there amidst all of the passengers, he picked up his order and found himself a nice, quiet place not too far away. From where he sat, he could see Japa return. He loved the recliner he had found and was grateful that airports these days wanted their customers to be comfortable. He raised his legs, stretched, and then sipped his tea. The pills were doing their job and he felt energetic, but he also knew he couldn’t overdo it, since he was still ill beneath it all. His throat still ached, the fever was still there, and his hands trembled as he put down the now empty cup.

Wrapping his fingers around the bottled water, he put the bottle in his lap and stared outside, watching the planes taking off on one strip, and landing on the other. He liked flying. During his first few trips, he had been nervous, but now he liked being high up in the air and among the clouds.

He rested his head to the back and closed his eyes, trying to nap for a few minutes until it was time to board the plane. Jonne was on his way to dozing off when an asthma attack took him. His lungs protested violently and within seconds he was gasping for breath as the coughing returned. Not good... This was definitely not good! Panicking, Jonne reached for his handbag and searched for one of his inhalers. When he couldn’t find them right away, the attack, made worse by his panic, became even more violent and Jonne grew afraid that he might faint due to the severity of it.

Just when Jonne was about to lose it, someone steadied him and pulled him upright again. Help had arrived! Jonne frantically tried to speak, to ask for his inhaler, but he couldn’t form any words, so instead, he pulled at his bag, hoping the person who had come to help understood that he needed something from inside it.

Jack didn’t know what was going on. He had just returned from his rather fruitless shopping trip only to find himself alone. Jonne was nowhere to be seen and he was sure that he was at the spot they had agreed to meet each other a little under an hour ago. He was about to get irritated – again – when he heard someone coughing viciously. Out of curiosity, he turned around to check it out and was startled to find that it was Jonne who was having problems. The younger man seemed to be in serious trouble as he gasped for air and a disturbing sound escaped the blond’s throat. Now Japa didn’t have asthma or bronchitis, but a niece of his suffered from that condition and when he saw Jonne frantically search his bag, Jack realized that the singer must be searching for his inhaler.

Quickly, Jack made his way over to Jonne and sat on his heels next to the recliner. The first thing he did was to steady the younger man and then tried to make eye contact, but Jonne’s glazed eyes showed that the other man wasn’t registering his presence. Instead, Jonne continued to try to open his hand bag. Jack gently, but decisively, swept Jonne’s hands away, unzipped it, and quickly found what he was looking for: an inhaler. He removed the cap, shook it, and then placed it at Jonne’s lips. “Inhale,” he ordered and released one dose of the substance that would hopefully help Jonne calm down.

Jonne’s sole focus was on the inhaler and the spray that was currently traveling down his throat and into his lungs. He wasn’t sure one dose of it would do the trick though and since his hands had stopped shaking so badly, he placed one hand on top of the one of his helper’s and released another dose. Slowly, his coughing calmed down and then went away. At last, he was able to breath more freely again.

Jack sat down on the edge of the recliner and pulled Jonne close so that the singer could rest against him. “Feeling any better?” Bah, stupid question, he chided himself. Jonne was breathing more calmly, but his eyes were still closed and his features revealed discomfort.

Jonne opened his eyes and wanted to thank his savior, but was surprised to find Jack sitting there. For some reason which he couldn’t explain, he hadn’t thought the older man would have been the one to help him. The way they had parted an hour ago had led him to believe that Jack didn’t like him that much. “Kiitos paljon,” he whispered eventually.

Jack nodded briskly and then got to his feet again, causing Jonne to grab hold of the recliner to keep himself upright. Jack had reminded himself just in time that he didn’t like Jonne since he didn’t like sharing Christus. In the back of his mind, he heard laughter, telling him how childish he was, but he ignored it. “We should board the plane if you feel up to it.”

Jonne wasn’t sure he was up to it. He wasn’t even sure he could get to his feet or walk unaided. He felt light-headed and just wanted to curl up and sleep. “Sure…” he said and his voice sounded raw. “We don’t want to miss our flight.”

Jack’s bad conscience kicked him hard as he watched Jonne struggle to get to his feet. Jonne’s voice had sounded like sandpaper and it was obvious that the asthma attack had taken a lot out of him. “Want me to get you some water first?” He had noticed that the water bottle standing next to the recliner was empty.

Jonne nodded. “That would be… great.” He had managed to swing his feet to the floor and closed his eyes in order to focus on getting to his feet.

“Wait here… Don’t go anywhere…” Jack sounded brisk on purpose. He didn’t want Jonne to try anything and he didn’t want the other man to know that he was worried.

Jonne had no intention of going anywhere. He wasn’t going to embarrass himself by landing on his butt because he was too unsteady on his feet to walk just yet. He needed a moment to catch his breath.

A few minutes later Jack returned and pulled up a chair. He sat down, uncapped the bottle and offered Jonne the water. “Want to tell me what happened just now?” Jack told himself that he did *not* care. He was merely worried that their trip might go awry because of Jonne’s condition and this *was* a big chance for Private Line to get some much needed promotion.

“Asthma,” Jonne managed after drinking some water. He made sure he didn’t move about too much yet. He needed to preserve his energy.

Jack studied the singer for a long moment and noticed some things that made him worry further. Of course, it was just because of their promo tour, nothing more! Jonne’s eyes were hooded and his facial color was extremely pale. There was a fine layer of sweat on the singer’s brow and the hands still trembled. “Just asthma?”

Jonne flinched and then nodded. “Just asthma.”

Jack sighed. He hated it when someone lied to him and for some reason he knew that Jonne had just lied to him. He really wanted to get to the bottom of it, but they had to board their plane. They could discuss this later. “Do you need any help getting to your feet?”

Jonne knew he needed some help, but for some reason, he didn’t want to admit to it. “I can do it…” He valiantly attempted to get to his feet, but was about to collapse onto the recliner again when Jack’s arms came up around his waist and steadied him. In spite of everything, Jonne managed a smile.

Jack sighed. “You know, I really don’t understand why Christus is so crazy about you...You are such a…” Jack shut his mouth just in time, or he might have been in trouble. The look Jonne was giving him was *that* look again and he instantly felt guilty for saying something like that.

Jack’s remark, even though he hadn’t really said *anything*, still stung. Jonne couldn’t help it that this flu refused to go away or that his asthma was acting up. Normally he didn’t need someone to help him get to his feet and he angrily pushed Jack away. “I can manage!” He swayed, but his anger kept him on his feet. Whether that meant he could also walk to the plane was a different matter all together.

Jack gazed at Jonne apologetically. “I shouldn’t have said that… Sometimes my mouth runs off with me.” Why was he so angry with Jonne? He just couldn’t figure it out, but what *did* dawn on him was that it wasn’t related to Christus at all. Sure, he didn’t want Christus to go on all the time on how great Jonne was, but there was something else as well, something that had nothing to do with his best friend. “Don’t be like that… I want to help… I’m just… Argh!” Jack felt like kicking his own ass.

Jonne shot Jack a long, hard look and then nodded. “I won’t make it on my own to the plane anyway. I need the help,” he really hated admitting.

Jack wrapped an arm around Jonne’s waist again and supported him on their way to the plane. They didn’t talk much until they had found their seats and then Jack helped Jonne sit down. “Anything you need?” The walk, although it had only been a few hundred meters, seemed to have exhausted Jonne.

Jonne shook his head. “I’m going to sleep.” His eyes were already closing and he pulled his knees as close to his chest as possible. It was extremely hard to get comfortable in an airplane seat though. In the end, he managed to attain an acceptable position and simply closed his eyes. Within seconds, he was deeply asleep.

Not sure if he should be amused or even more worried, Japa watched Jonne from the side. The younger man even managed to sleep through take off, for which Jack was grateful, since the expression on his face would have told Jonne how much he hated the moment when the plane took to the sky. His fingernails clawed the arm rests and he was relieved when they were finally airborne. Another look at the blond man revealed that Jonne’s sleep was far from restful. Jonne was mumbling in his sleep and, although Jack tried to catch what he was saying, Jonne’s mumbling was incoherent.

The flight took four hours and even while a light meal was served, Jonne continued to sleep. Jack had considered waking Jonne so he could eat, but then decided that the vocalist was probably better off asleep since Jonne seemed so drained. They could catch up on the meal later.

Sometime during the flight, Jonne shifted position and Jack found his shoulder occupied by the blond head. Jonne rubbed his check against his shoulder and made himself as comfortable as he could. Jack was torn between turning Jonne away from him and letting him use his shoulder as a pillow. Having Jonne that close made him somehow feel uncomfortable, but in the end, he let Jonne use his shoulder. Damn, why did he have to be so softhearted? He didn’t even like Jonne!

“Please fasten your seat belts. We are about to land in Berlin,” the steward announced and Jack did as he was told.

Jonne, who was still strapped to his seat, opened an eye and finally woke after having slept for four hours. “Ah, finally awake?” Jack inquired

Jonne yawned and stretched awkwardly and was faintly aware of the fact that he must have immobilized Jack for a large part of the flight since his head had been resting on the older man’s shoulder. “Did I sleep for a long time?” His sense of time was completely gone, but at least he felt a bit more rested. Getting some sleep had done him good.

“We’re about to land so that means you slept the last four hours.” Jack still didn’t like the condition Jonne was in. The blue eyes were hooded, the fever was still present, and Jonne’s brow glistened with cold sweat. “You missed the food.”

“That’s okay. I’m not hungry.” Jonne braced himself for impact as the plane landed and chanced a look at Jack just before the plane made contact with the earth. Jack didn’t look particularly happy. “Don’t you like flying?”

“The flying part is okay. It’s the take off and landing that worries me. When something goes wrong, that’s when it’ll happen.” Once the plane was taxiing to its proper place at the terminal, he felt safe again. It took another ten minutes before they were allowed to disembark and Jack kept a close eye on Jonne, who managed to make his way down to the runway. “That nap helped.”

Jonne nodded. He was still awfully tired though and his body ached from being locked in such an uncomfortable position for four hours. He hoped they would be able to retrieve their luggage quickly and then go to the hotel Tommi had booked for them. “Do you have any idea where we’re going?” he asked and then another yawn overwhelmed him.

Jack searched his hand bag for the papers his manager had given him. He doubted Jonne had any idea at all where they were going and he didn’t want to end up lost. “You just keep an eye out for your stuff,” he ordered as he searched his papers. Finally he found a layout of the airport and the location of where they had to catch a taxi. He also found the contact details of the hotel and… “Did you know we’re supposed to be guests on some television show tonight?”

Jonne wasn’t really listening or paying attention to the suitcases that were on the conveyor belt. He was practically asleep on his feet. The pills he had taken the night before had lost their effect and he was now experiencing their drawback.

“Jonne, that’s my suitcase!” Jack ran after it, managed to retrieve it and walked back to Jonne. He wanted to scold the singer, but then realized that Jonne was staring blankly into the distance. Moving his hand in front of Jonne’s face got him no reaction and he became frustrated. “Just what’s wrong with you?” Jonne, not surprisingly, didn’t answer him. Jack then turned his attention back to the belt, found Jonne’s pink suit case as well as the acoustic guitar Jonne had taken with him. He couldn’t possibly carry everything himself and tried to get through to Jonne again. “Hey, come on, listen to me!” He shook Jonne a bit until the younger man finally blinked and focused on him.

“Oh,” Jonne felt embarrassed and wasn’t sure what to say. He had to pull himself together if he wanted this week to be the success Tommi was hoping for. “I can carry that…” He pointed at the guitar case.

Jack shook his head however. “You make sure you take your suitcase with you. I’ll get the rest.” He was actually worried that the guitar would prove too much for Jonne and that the weight might take him down.

“Where are we going?” Jonne did his best to remain awake and alert, but it was hard. His body was screaming at him to lie down so he could get more sleep, and grabbing a pill now wasn’t an option since Jack was watching him. Jonne had no desire to explain to Jack why he was taking those pills and, although his feet dragged as he made his way to the taxis, he made it there on his own.

A few minutes later, they were on their way to their hotel and Jack wondered how Jonne was going to be rested enough for their little gig that evening. It was *only* an interview, but it was going to be a live broadcast. Tommi had put that information there for a reason, Jack guessed. Tommi wanted them to act their best. The main problem however was Jonne, who had gone back to sleep the moment he had sat down on the backseat. Jack let him sleep for the moment, but was already wondering how to get the younger man into their room later.

Fifteen minutes later, he faced that very problem, but he got help. The taxi driver took care of their luggage and Jack took care of Jonne – at least he tried to do so. “Come on, Jonne, wake up and cooperate!” He was half dragging, half pushing Jonne onto his feet.

Jonne tiredly opened his eyes and relied heavily on Jack to support him as they entered the hotel and registered themselves. Jack only wanted to get Jonne into their room, but the hotel clerk had a message for them from the record company’s representative. Jack quickly checked the time. It was four in the afternoon, and they would be picked up at eight. The show was at nine. That left him some time to get Jonne ready.

Once they were in their room, Jack put Jonne safely on the bed. To his dismay, he realized that there was only one king-sized bed. Normally, with Christus, he wouldn’t mind sharing a bed, but this wasn’t his best friend. This was Jonne. Ah well, he would survive the ordeal. It was only for two nights. “Jonne, wake up for a second and talk to me.” The blue eyes opened abruptly and stared at him with something akin to fear in them. Jack dismissed the thought and sat down next to Jonne. “Will you finally tell me what’s going on? And don’t try to tell me this has anything to do with asthma! Maybe remotely, but there’s more, isn’t there?” And why hadn’t Christus told him that there was something wrong with Jonne? Those two were close – way too close!

Jonne realized he had to feed Jack some information. Not the truth though… He was going to do this promo tour and make a success out of it – for Tommi, because his brother wanted him to do this so badly. He yawned and couldn’t help resting his head against Jack’s. He was too tired to support himself. “About a week ago… I got influenza… I didn’t get a chance to really recover from it… Had to perform at Tammerfest and now… I’m on the road again.”

Jack considered the things Jonne had said and knew from personal experience how bad the flu could hit. But he still wasn’t sure that Jonne had told him everything.

Jonne sensed that and added, “And then there’s my asthma... Normally it doesn’t really affect me that bad, but those two combined… I’m just so tired.” It was nice to rest against Jack this way and simply be at ease, even if he had to talk. In a way, Jack reminded him of Ville and the way his younger brother took care of him. Although Jack was, in a way, unpredictable, sweet and caring one instant and brusque the next, Jonne hoped Jack would warm up to him further. He liked making new friends and always grew sad when someone didn’t like being around him. “I just need a few more hours sleep and I’m ready to go.”

Jack wasn’t so sure about that, but let it be. “Then sleep a little more. We have four hours until they take us to the studio.” Jonne was already in the process of curling himself up on the bed and Jack couldn’t help but smile at the sight of it. “You want to sleep in all that?” Jonne was still wearing his boots, coat, and scarf.

Jonne mumbled, “Too lazy…” and closed his eyes after that.

Jack shook his head, but then removed Jonne’s boots and even managed to get him out of the coat and scarf. But then Jonne started to shiver and Jack realized that the singer had fallen asleep on top of his comforter. Luckily, there were two separate ones and Jack covered Jonne with his comforter instead. He checked the time again and made some plans. First, he was going to treat himself to a long, hot bath, then ready himself for the gig, wake Jonne for his bath and before they left, he planned on eating dinner in the restaurant downstairs.

He checked on Jonne one last time and found that the younger man was still running a fever. He didn’t like that, but chalked it up to the influenza. Maybe it was like Jonne had said: all the singer needed was some sleep. Jack disappeared into the bathroom.

~~~

Jack was in the middle of putting the finishing touches to his make-up when the gasping from inside the bedroom caught his attention. He had left the door open during his bath just in case something like that might happen. Putting down the kohl which he used to outline his eyes, he quickly went into the bedroom, where he found Jonne once more fighting for air. Jack had put the inhaler within Jonne’s reach, but the younger man was too focused on trying to breathe in order to notice that his cure was that close to him. Jack sat down and helped Jonne to inhale the powder that would ease his breathing.

Once more feeling embarrassed as well as panicked, Jonne gave Jack an apologetic, yet grateful look. A smile stole onto Jonne’s face once his breathing had normalized. Jack had gone to great lengths to look hot for his fans that night and Jonne liked the way the guitarist looked with his large, black eyes, the wild hair, and the leather strap around his neck. “Nice,” he managed in-between pants. Lowering his head in order to focus on his breathing, he smiled as he noted that the leather pants which Jack was wearing had holes in them. “Even nicer…”

Not expecting such a compliment, Jack ignored it since he had no idea what to say to it. “Are you sure you can manage the gig tonight?”

Jonne nodded slowly. “I’ll feel better after I’ve had a long, hot bath. The steam always does wonders for my lungs.” And the pills would work the greatest miracle of them all. He was about to send Jack back into the bathroom so he could compose himself when his mobile phone rang. He reached for it, missed it, and then Jack handed it to him. Damn, he had to find a way to stop his hands from shaking. Reading the name on the display, he said, “Hei Tommi.”

“Are you at the hotel already? Was the flight alright?”

“Yes to both questions and Jack is already all dressed up for the interview tonight,” Jonne replied, hoping that his voice didn’t sound too rough to Tommi’s ears.

“Good, I just wanted to check that everything was going as planned. I’ll watch the show tonight… I hope everything will go well,” Tommi said.

“Don’t worry… We’ll make it a good show.” Jonne closed his eyes and wished Tommi would finally terminate the call. Talking drained him and he needed his energy for later!

“Jonne, are you okay? You sound…tired.” Tommi bit his lower lip, having second thoughts about sending Jonne off. Ville had phoned him earlier and had told him how exhausted Jonne had been.

“I’ll manage. Don’t worry.” Jonne smiled at the concern in his brother’s voice. “I’m going to hang up now… Still need to get ready…”

“And you still need to eat something,” Jack reminded Jonne.

Jonne nodded again. “Talk to you later, Tommi.” Jonne closed his mobile phone and let it fall on the mattress. “Hey, go get ready… I need an hour at least!” He raised his head and smiled at Jack, who nodded hesitantly.

Jack got up from the bed, went into the bathroom, and finished his make-up. Then he turned the tap on so the bath tub would start to fill up again. Stepping back into the bedroom, he saw Jonne drink some of the bottled water. “Bathroom’s all yours.”

Jonne smiled and waited a moment until the two pills which he had taken would kick in. His conscience had tried to stop him from taking them, as Chris had said not to take more than two a day. The first two he had taken only eighteen hours ago… But then again, that had been the other day and it was a new day. That meant he had taken two the other day and two this day… That should still be all right!

He even managed to grin at Jack, who did look awesome dressed up. Jonne understood very well why the fans favored Jack and Sammy in the band. Although Sammy had a great voice, as far as Jonne was concerned, it was Jack who had the most sex-appeal. Feeling the energy return to his limbs, Jonne swung his feet to the floor and got to his feet. “I’ll hurry!”

Jack was quite baffled at the sudden movement which Jonne displayed. Only a moment ago, the blond had looked too tired to even raise his head and now Jonne was practically running into the bathroom. Something was fishy about that and he immediately recalled Christus doing exactly the same thing, but only after he had taken some of his ‘special’ pills. But surely Jonne knew better than to use such drugs?

~~~

True to his word, Jonne emerged from the bathroom an hour later only wearing a towel wrapped around his narrow hips. Jack, who had been watching some cartoons, couldn’t help but gaze at the blond singer and admire the way the hipbones protruded and directed his gaze lower. Even when he didn’t want to look any lower than that...he did. He had to be truthful, whether he liked Jonne or not. The singer possessed something that made him stand out. It wasn’t so much the body, it was something in the face – the eyes, maybe, but then again, maybe it was more than just the eyes. Frustrated, Jack directed his gaze away from Jonne and back to the television.

In the meantime, Jonne dragged his suitcase from the floor and managed to lift it onto the bed. That action should have tired him, but the pills made sure he didn’t notice it. Opening the suitcase, he released a scared scream. “Oh no!”

Jack couldn’t help himself – he was curious. “What’s wrong?” Looking at the suitcase’s contents, he flinched. Pink, white, and black clothes had appeared, but mostly pink. “Hum, are you sure you didn’t bring Chris’ stuff?”

Jonne’s expression had darkened. Why hadn’t Ville packed his favorite clothes? He was fond of his black and white striped shirts, his dotted jacket, and now, now he had to wear his old stuff again from years back. “I can’t believe he packed these!” Jonne started pulling clothes from the suitcase in the hope that some of his favorite clothing might appear, but no. The clothes had fitted his image during War of Love and Sweet and Deceitful, but they were so unsuitable to promote an angry album like Anorectic!

Jack rolled onto his side and studied the clothes that were flung onto the bed next to him. “It isn’t that bad. You can do something with that.” He had watched Christus combine his outfits for years. “Or you can burrow some of my stuff, but mine is mostly black.”

Jonne sighed. “Ville is going to be so dead when I get home!” He should have packed his stuff himself instead of relying on Ville’s taste. He should have thrown this stuff away instead of keeping it in the back of his closet.

“Why? I have seen you wear this before. What ‘s wrong with it now?”

“It’s not me anymore.” Jonne’s thoughts raced.

The cryptic remark puzzled Jack, but since they were running out of time – if they still wanted to eat – they had to get organized. Kneeling on the bed, he examined the shirts closely and then selected a pair of grey bondage trousers to go with it. “Try that on.”

Jonne recognized the combination. He had often worn that pink shirt beneath the black meshed one, and yes, those bondage trousers might work. He smiled gratefully at Jack and then disappeared into the bathroom again.

Keeping in mind that Jonne liked scarves, and probably needed one because of his sore throat, Jack pulled a lovely pink-grey one from the suitcase and put it on top. Checking the time, he hoped Jonne hurried because he really wanted them –especially Jonne – to eat before they were picked up. Jonne didn’t disappoint him and managed to show up dressed and with hair and make up already done only fifteen minutes later. Since the make up was in place, the pallor of Jonne’s face was gone, but Jack still noticed the odd gleam to the blue eyes.

Jonne picked up the scarf and wrapped it carefully around his neck. “Are we on schedule?” He grinned and picked up his bottled water. Those pills worked miracles!

“We have enough time left to have dinner in the restaurant downstairs.” Jack turned off the television and went into the bathroom to check his appearance once more. Satisfied with the way he looked, he collected his bag and then turned to Jonne. “Are you ready? Do you have your inhaler ready?”

Jonne nodded. He had already checked that. “I’m ready to go!”

“Not like that.” Jack picked up Jonne’s coat and put it across the singer’s shoulders. It was an action which he hadn’t thought through and he wasn’t prepared for the grateful look that appeared in Jonne’s eyes. “Let’s go.”

Jonne followed Jack happily, pulling his coat close as he realized that Jack was warming up to him after all.

~~~

Jack’s eyes widened at the quantities Jonne was eating. One thing he could rule out was the fear of Jonne having an eating disorder. Christus had never mentioned such a thing, but after Jack had seen that Jonne *was* skinny indeed, he had grown concerned. But Jonne was eating even more than he was. Jack wondered about the change that had come over Jonne. His fatigue seemed gone, and although he coughed occasionally and his voice wasn’t as smooth as it should be, he no longer seemed to suffer from his flu. “You’re feeling better,” he remarked casually, not sure what to think of the matter.

Jonne nodded and smiled. “All I needed was some sleep.” His voice though was something he couldn’t influence by taking those pills and he wasn’t sure how well he would sing that night.

Jack caught sight of a man looking about, searching for something, someone. He wore a badge and even from this distance, Jack managed to make out the name on it. “I think our ride has arrived.” Jack got to his feet, hauled his bag onto his shoulder, and gestured for Jonne to follow him. The blond walked beside him, moving too fast and too nervously for Jack to feel reassured. He had been around Christus for too long to recognize the signs of his friend using something to keep going and Jonne reminded him of the energizer bunny on overdrive.

The representative from Bravo introduced himself and then drove Jonne and Jack to the studio, where they were already waiting for them. They were hooked up to their microphones and given instructions on where to sit and what to do. Once they were in front of the camera, Jack put on his sunglasses and patented broad grin. Jonne smiled happily and winked, knowing Tommi was watching them.

Then their host started to ask them questions and Jonne, who always needed a moment or two to translate the question, was more than happy to let Jack do most of the talking since the older man was more fluent. But once in a while their host asked a question specifically meant for him and he tried to answer to the best of his ability. He hoped Tommi would think of the interview as a success, and Jonne prayed the effect of the pills would last until they were back in their hotel.

Jonne then received the much dreaded question on whether he was willing to sing for them. His voice couldn’t handle that, he knew that. He had been drinking water all through the interview to keep it from sounding too rusty. If he were to sing, he would wreck it completely.

Jack saw the doubt and confusion in Jonne’s eyes and knew what was going on in the singer’s mind. He wasn’t sure why, but he came to the rescue by saying, “Hey, I’ll sing for you!” And before their host had a chance to decline, he started playing Jonne’s acoustic guitar and singing Gods of Rewind, praying to whatever god was deciding his fate that Sammy wasn’t listening to him practically butchering the song. He registered the thankful look Jonne gave him and the singer was the first to applaud him. Bah, he couldn’t believe to what lengths he was going to look after Jonne. He didn’t even like him...or so he kept telling himself!

~~~

Jack went into the bathroom, checked his make up again, and then went back into the bedroom where Jonne was once more going through the contents of his suitcase. The singer looked more tired at the moment and his movement was slowing down. The interview had been a success as far as Jack was concerned and he was looking forward to having a drink at the bar that night. He just hoped that there weren’t too many fans out there who would try to chat with him, get his autograph, or their picture taken with him. He wanted to drink his beer in peace and quiet that night. “Come on, alcohol is waiting!”

Jonne however was starting to pay the price for taking the pills. He recognized the signs and realized he would crash down hard. No way did he want to be seen at the bar like that. Lowering his gaze so he didn’t have to look Jack in the eye, he said, “I’m going to bed… I need the rest.”

Should have expected that, Jack told himself. It would be a bad idea for Jonne to get drunk considering the condition he was in. “Then I’m getting an early night’s sleep as well.”

“Ei!” Jonne shook his head. “You don’t have to stay here! Go, enjoy yourself!” The trembling was starting all over again and Jonne had to sit down quickly. “I’m fine on my own. I’ll be in bed, sleeping!”

Jack was determined though. “And what if you get another asthma attack, can’t find your inhaler, and no one’s around? I’m staying, accept it.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest. He had the eerie feeling that Jonne wanted him out, but why?

Jonne was too tired to argue and simply curled up on his side of the bed.

“Eh, you’re going to sleep like that?”

Jonne sighed. What was wrong with that?

“At least get out of your shoes!” Jack sat down at the foot end of the bed and removed Jonne’s shoes. Large, blue, slightly bewildered eyes stared back at him and he got an ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Nothing,” Jonne replied and closed his eyes. He wanted to sleep and not tell Jack that he had resorted to taking pills because he didn’t want to let Tommi and the band down!

Jack sighed, shook his head, and moved up the bed. “You can’t sleep like that.” He had helped get Christus out of his clothes before after they had gotten drunk, but this was different. This wasn’t Christus and he realized that only too well when he looked into those blue eyes again. In an unguarded moment, he swept a strand of blond hair behind Jonne’s ear when it got in the way.

The hair was growing long once more and reached Jonne’s shoulders. Jack recalled Christus phoning him in a panic after Jonne had cut off his hair himself. The dreads had gone into the trash can, but Jonne hadn’t told Christus why he had rid himself of them. Christus, who had loved that look on Jonne, had been close to pulling out his own hair in frustration. It was another reason why Jack had come to dislike Jonne over the years. Jonne had the ability to hurt his best friend, even though the singer had never wanted to do so on purpose. But there was no hint of said dislike in Jack’s eyes the moment he helped Jonne out of his shirts and trousers. He retrieved a wet cloth from the bathroom, and cleaned up Jonne’s face. “Now you can go to sleep.”

Jonne smiled at the older man. “You’re nice, Japa. Christus should be very glad, having you as his best friend. He needs that…” Jonne yawned, cuddled up beneath the comforter with which Jack had covered him and closed his eyes.

Jonne’s remark had hit Jack unprepared. He had never expected Jonne to say something like that. Instead, he had expected Jonne to be equally jealous of him for hogging Christus’ time. But apparently, Jonne was grateful that Jack and Christus were best friends. Puzzled, Jack remained seated on that side of the bed a little longer and then succumbed to the desire to stroke the blond hair. Abruptly, he pulled his hand back and got up. What was getting into him, wanting to touch Jonne like that? Sighing, he went into the bathroom, took off his make up and, wearing only his black boxers, he slipped between the sheets at the other side of the bed. Jonne’s back was turned toward him, but he could still hear the labored breathing, and just to be on the safe side, he put Jonne’s inhaler within easy range on the nightstand.

Part 3

Getting to know each other…

To Jack’s relief, Jonne slept soundly through the night. It showed how exhausted the younger man was. When the first rays of sunlight entered their room, Jack closed his eyes, pulled the sheet over his head and tried to deny that it was growing light outside. However, he was forced into action when his mobile phone started to vibrate. Thankfully, he had switched off the sound before going to bed. Cursing the person who had the guts to call him at seven in the morning, he managed to get his hands on the phone and answered the call. “You’re so dead…”

“Morning to you too, Japa!” Christus grinned. “Don’t tell me you actually went to bed instead of partying with all those lovely fans of yours?”

Jack groaned. “The next time I see you, I’m going to kill you slowly.”

“Cheap promises!” Christus was nervous though. He had a reason for phoning Jack, but also knew he had to proceed with care. He didn’t want Jack to grow jealous of Jonne again. “So how are the two of you getting along? Is Jonne still alive?”

Jack pushed the comforter done and checked if Jonne was still asleep. During the night, Jonne had turned and rolled onto his left side. His eyes were closed and his breathing was fairly regular, so Jack judged it safe to continue. “He’s sleeping.”

Christus nibbled on his bottom lip and was grateful that Jack couldn’t see him do it. “Is everything okay with you? And with Jonne?”

Jack’s eyes narrowed. He had the feeling Christus was merely phoning to inquire about Jonne and not him. “I’m fine, Chris,” he said in a colder voice than he normally would. Let’s find out what Christus would do next.

“And Jonne?” Christus flinched, hoping he wasn’t too obvious.

“Why don’t you call him and ask him, Chris?” Jack was growing louder and now Jonne opened one eye to check on what was going on. Damn Christus! Jack didn’t know what he was feeling. A part of him was angry with his best friend for being more interested in Jonne and another was angry with himself for waking Jonne. Why couldn’t life be less complicated? He hated complicated. Jonne’s tired eyes sought out his and made Jack sigh. “It’s Chris…” He offered Jonne the phone, and the blond gingerly took hold of it. Jonne’s hands still trembled.

“Hei Chris…” Jonne smiled even though his friend couldn’t see it. “Miss me?”

Jack drew in a deep breath and counted to ten. Why did it irritate him so much that Christus and Jonne were such good friends? Why?

Christus felt relieved since Jonne seemed to be okay. “I’m worried. I don’t like you taking those pills to keep going.”

“Only six more days left, Chris… Don’t worry about it.” He couldn’t speak as freely as he would have liked since Jack kept watching him and he was too lazy to get out of bed and into the bathroom to talk in private.

“Still, why don’t you simply tell Tommi that you need a break?”

“It’s not that easy and you know it,” Jonne chided Christus softly.

Christus couldn’t believe he was going to suggest this, but… “Do you want me to talk to your brother?”

“Don’t you do that, Chris!” Jonne was alarmed. “Don’t. I don’t want you to do that, understood?”

Christus sighed. He wouldn’t talk to Tommi without Jonne’s okay. “Take care of yourself, okay? I don’t want you to end up like me on our last tour.”

“I will,” Jonne promised, more so to reassure Christus than meaning his words. “Take care too, Chris.” He ended the phone call and returned the mobile phone to Jack. “How late must we get up? Do you have any idea?”

Jack rolled his eyes. There was no use in trying to go back to sleep. He was very much awake now. Jack got up and brought his bag with him to the bed. He sat cross-legged and searched for the papers. He didn’t pay any second thoughts to the fact that he was sitting there in his boxers, but then he felt Jonne’s eyes on him. “What?” he asked as he noted the amused expression in them. They seemed less glazed, but even more tired.

“May I?” Jonne asked as he raised an arm.

Jack frowned, feeling puzzled. What was Jonne up to? A moment later he got his answer. Jonne was patting his tummy. “Hey!” Jonne chuckled and Jack was surprised to find that he liked the sound of that. “It’s sexy!”

“Of course it is,” Jonne responded, still grinning. The little tummy that showed on Jack suited him. Then he was in for his next surprise. Jack put on angular, black glasses so that he could read the information. “Ah, so you *do* wear contacts.” But the eye color was still the same as yesterday. No colored contacts then. Japa’s eyes were that color by nature.

Jack shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t like wearing his glasses, but was way too lazy to put in his contacts at the moment. “I need to read, don’t I?” The sweet, soft smile Jonne gave him somehow caused a lump in his throat and he quickly looked back to the papers in his hands. It was Jonne’s eyes that made him stand out, Jack knew that now, but why did they make him stand out?

“So, what does Tommi want us to do today?” Jonne enjoyed the peace and quiet, and especially the fact that his asthma wasn’t acting up...yet.

“A radio interview at twelve AM and then another one at six PM. After that one, we are supposed to take the taxi to the airport and check in for our flight to Amsterdam, which… damn, leaves at eleven… and then tomorrow morning, another interview at ten. We won’t get much sleep.” He could deal with a sleepless night, even a few, but he wasn’t sure Jonne could. “You’d better get some more sleep now while you still can.” Who had thought up this schedule? Reading ahead, he realized that there were more sleepless nights ahead of them, but he didn’t tell Jonne that yet. “Is your brother mad, or what?”

“Tommi? Driven… ambitious…” Jonne closed his eyes again. Jack’s suggestion to get some more sleep sounded good to him.

Jack however was awake and growing bored. “Do you mind if I watch some television?”

“Go ahead…” Jonne yawned and fell asleep rather quickly.

Jack settled on a cartoon network eventually, since there wasn’t anything decent on during this unholy hour. He was going to get back at Christus for waking him that early! Reclining against his pillows, he watched cartoons for half an hour, but then movement to his left got his attention. In his sleep, Jonne was moving closer and the blond started to snuggle up to him. Jack’s eyes widened in alarm. No, he needed some distance between them, although he wasn’t sure why. But he couldn’t push Jonne away either. Damn dilemma!

Blissfully unaware of Jack’s discomfort, Jonne cuddled up to the older man and rested his head on Japa’s shoulder. He went as far as draping one arm on top the other man’s waist and then sighed contentedly. He felt warm and something soft seemed to cradle him.

Jack on the other hand was much less relaxed and stared at Jonne with something akin to terror in his eyes. Why was the blond snuggling up to him? Why did Jonne have to be that close? And why was he only wearing boxers? He noticed the way Jonne’s fingertips seemed to caress his skin and warm breath teased against his chest, dangerously close to reaching a nipple. Control, he told himself. He had to remain in control. Christus and he had slept like this in the past and he had been completely at ease with the other man holding him. So why was it different with Jonne? Concentrating on the cartoons and trying to deny that Jonne was that close, Jack started to count the minutes until the moment came when he could wake Jonne up because they had to ready themselves for breakfast.

~~~

“Jonne? You really have to wake up. I want to eat breakfast and it’s time.” Jack shook Jonne lightly, being careful not to overly startle the younger man. “Come on, Jonne, wake up! I’m hungry!”

Jonne opened first his right eye and then the left. The first thing he noticed was another warm, moving body close to his and soft skin beneath his fingertips. Raising his head, his eyes grew big as he found himself cuddled up to Jack. “Oh… Anteeksi,” he excused himself. “I was asleep...” He hadn’t snuggled up to the older man on purpose. “You’re warm and…” And he had felt cold.

“It’s okay, but you have to let go now. I need to get dressed.” Jack wanted to deal with the awkward moment as quickly as possible. He was about to gently push Jonne off of him as the blond started to gasp for air. Oh no, not again! “Jonne? Is everything…” He didn’t manage to finish because Jonne started to frantically reach for the inhaler which lay on Jack’s side of the bed. “It’s okay…” He took hold of it and handed it to Jonne, who administered the medication himself. Jack had been under the impression that the rest had done Jonne good, but looking closer, he still found the blond feverish and the hands trembled. “We could go see a doctor,” he suggested.

But Jonne shook his head. “That’s not necessary as long as I have this.” He raised the inhaler. He felt miserable though. Although the night’s rest had helped, it had been too short to really set off the healing process. If he wanted to get through the day, he would have to take another few pills and then, maybe later again when they had the second interview.

“I could inquire if they serve breakfast in bed,” Jack suggested so Jonne didn’t have to go downstairs to the restaurant.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll manage.” He only had to manage another six days. Then he would get a one week break in which he could sleep all he wanted. “If you want to use the bathroom first…”

Jack wasn’t sure what to make of Jonne’s reactions, but he *did* know that pretending nothing was wrong wasn’t going to work. It had never worked with Christus either. He had kicked his best friend’s butt more than once and it seemed like he had to do the same thing with Jonne. “You’re ill. You’re still running a fever, are having asthma attacks, and you’re obviously exhausted. You can’t go on like that.” Jonne gave him a startled look, but Jack wasn’t going to back down. “You should fly back and let someone else take your place. Larry or Chris perhaps.”

Jonne fervently shook his head. “I have to do this.”

“But why?”

Because Tommi had asked him – no, had told him – to do it. Raising a shaky hand, Jonne rested it tentatively against Japa’s cheek. “I appreciate you being worried about me, but I’m stronger than you think.”

And that was something Japa had trouble believing. Jonne might think that he was stronger than this influenza and his asthma, but for how much longer would Jonne win that battle? Damn it, it wasn’t his business to begin with! Why was he getting involved? He didn’t care about Jonne! Christus did! Let him worry about Jonne! And then it hit Jack – Christus *did* worry about Jonne – enough to phone him that early and to inquire how they were doing. Now why would Christus…? Was he still in love with Jonne? Did Christus still hope that Jonne would fall in love with him too? But no, the two of them had discussed Christus’ crush and Jonne had been very clear that he didn’t feel the same way.

“Japa? Jack?” The way the dark-haired man was staring at him was beginning to unnerve Jonne. “Don’t you want to get dressed?”

Jonne’s voice stopped Jack’s thoughts from going on another rollercoaster ride and he shook himself. “Yes, right… getting dressed… eating breakfast…”

Hoping to reassure Jack, Jonne smiled at him. “Go on… I’m hungry too.”

Jack nodded and left the bed. With a deep frown on his brow, he made his way into the bathroom and splashed cold water onto his face. What the hell was Jonne doing to him?

Jonne used the opportunity to reach for his pills and swallow two of them. Realizing that he would need to take some again in a few hours, he felt worried. He wasn’t like Christus, who tried stuff and didn’t think twice about what it could do to him. Contrary to his friend, Jonne realized the risks and wasn’t happy taking them, but he really saw no other way to deal with the stress. He couldn’t allow his body to fail him that week. He could rest the following week once it was all over and done with. He closed his eyes and dozed a little, not really falling asleep again since the pills were starting to work, but he liked feeling warm and safe in bed.

When Jack emerged from the bathroom, he was dressed and had even put on a little make up, not too much though since he didn’t want to attract unwanted attention during breakfast. Looking at Jonne and the way he had snuggled up to his pillow, Jack sighed deeply. Something was so very wrong and he wasn’t getting an answer from Jonne. “Bathroom’s free.”

Jonne kicked off the comforter and told himself to get out of bed. He had a long day ahead of him and a good breakfast might help him get through it. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes!” He gathered the clothes he had worn the other day and disappeared into the bathroom.

Jack stayed behind looking worried and perplexed.

~~~

Jonne was once more moving about restlessly on his chair as he ate a large breakfast. Jack suspected Jonne could eat that much because the younger man burned it right off again, but still, it worried him that these bouts of energy and fatigue came so regularly. He was starting to have certain suspicions about the origin of that energy and he also knew that he might have no other choice than to sneak a look at Jonne’s bag the next time the singer wasn’t around. If his suspicions were right, he would find some pills in there that belonged to Christus.

Jonne’s face was half-hidden in the fabric of his scarf and had to push down the material each time he brought food to his mouth. He was cold though, in spite of the pills, and shivers shook his body. “So what are we going to do this afternoon?” There was a gap in-between their interviews. “Do you want to go shopping?” As long as the pills did their job, Jonne could function normally, but he also realized that he was becoming more and more dependent on them.

Yes, Jack would have loved to go shopping in Berlin, but doubted it would do Jonne any good to be on his feet that long. “Tommi made sure we can return here in-between interviews and rest a bit. I think doing that would be best.” Normally they would have to leave their room after breakfast.

Jonne pouted. “Come on, Jack, we’re in Berlin and you don’t want to go shopping? And I need some new clothes. I can’t go on wearing this stuff.” He still hadn’t forgiven Ville for packing his old stuff.

“What *is* wrong with your old stuff? You told me it wasn’t you anymore, but what am I supposed to make of that?” Sipping his coffee, Jack sighed appreciatively. There was nothing better than good coffee and a cigarette in the morning. Then it hit him. He hadn’t smoked since Jonne and he had met at the airport.

Jonne had been in the midst of eating his second croissant when Jack asked his question and he suddenly lost his appetite. “I don’t like to look like that anymore.”

“Like what?” Japa searched his bag for his cigarettes and his lighter. He *had* brought them along, hadn’t he?

“Sweet and deceitful,” Jonne replied, doing his best to not answer the question.

Japa momentarily stopped his search and studied Jonne. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to say this, but he did. “Jonne, no matter what you wear, you’ll always look...cute.” Argh, he wanted to bite off his tongue! He hadn’t said that!

Jonne looked up at him in surprise. “You think I’m…cute?”

Jack knew he had said too much, but it had just slipped. “Well, if you really need to know, yes!” Ah, he had finally found his cigarettes and his lighter and he placed them on the table. Jonne gave him a truly blinding smile and for one moment, Jack was unable to think or act. That smile was incredible…and sweet.

“You know you can’t smoke in here?” Jonne pointed at the non-smoking sign on their table.

Jack cursed and then got up. “I’ll be outside for a moment.” He desperately needed a smoke. Jonne was still smiling at him as he practically fled the room.

Jonne was chuckling softly when his phone vibrated. He had switched off the sound before going to bed and hadn’t remembered to put it on again. Looking at the display, he saw Ville’s name and smiled. “Hei, little brother,” he said, still smiling.

“Ah Jonne, I tried to call you yesterday evening as well, but maybe you were already asleep.”

Jonne nodded although Ville couldn’t see it. “I went to bed early. So why are you calling?” His heart suddenly missed a beat. “Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened!” Ville could perfectly imagine the sudden alarmed look in his brother’s eyes. Jonne always expected the worst for some reason. “I just wanted to make sure you’re fine.”

“I’m okay,” Jonne mumbled and then looked down guiltily. He knew that abusing the pills was a bad thing, but it was only for a week! “Is everything okay at home too?”

“Everything’s fine. I miss you though. The place is so damn quiet without you here.”

Jonne smiled sadly. “I’ll be back in a few days.” Then he remembered that he was supposed to be angry with his little brother. “Ville, what possessed you to pack my old clothes? You know I don’t wear those anymore!”

“But you look good in them! Much better than the stuff you wear nowadays.”

What? Jonne’s eyes widened in surprise. “But I don’t like wearing those outfits anymore.”

“You can cut off your hair and buy new clothes, but that doesn’t really change who you are,” Ville commented contemplatively.

Damn… Jonne bit hard on his bottom lip. “I’ve got to go now. Take care, Ville and stay clear of alcohol!”

“I will. I made you a promise, didn’t I? I keep my promises.”

Satisfied that everything was fine with his younger brother, Jonne ended the call and stared at his plate. His appetite was gone. ‘You can cut off your hair and buy new clothes, but that doesn’t really change who you are,’ Ville had said and Jonne knew it was true, no matter how hard he tried to deny that.

Jonne was still staring at nothing when Jack returned. The nicotine hadn’t helped him clear his head of thoughts of Jonne, but it had settled his nerves somewhat. “Are you done here?” He stood next to Jonne’s chair and studied the blond worriedly.

Jonne nodded and got to his feet, or at least, he tried. He swayed and had to steady himself on the table. “Dizzy,” he explained when Jack placed a hand against the small of his back.

“We’re heading back to our room. You can still sleep for one or two hours, depending on how much time you need to get ready for the interview.” Jack started to lead Jonne in the direction of the lift.

~~~

Once they were back in their room, Jonne collapsed on the bed and wondered why he was feeling sleepy and dizzy. Were the pills not working for some reason? Should he take another one before they left for the interview?

Jack checked the time. It was ten o’clock and Jonne could get another hour of sleep if he wanted to. But what was *he* going to do in the meantime? Jack reclined against the pillows and watched Jonne. The singer was turned towards him and curled up on his side. His eyes were closed and Jack noticed the minute twitches which showed on the face. Jonne was far from relaxed. Unable to restrain himself, Jack raised a hand and started to stroke Jonne’s hair. The blue eyes opened in surprise and watched him. “Try to relax.”

Jonne wasn’t sure what to make of the gesture, but in the end, he succumbed to exhaustion, closed his eyes, and went back to sleep.

Jack uncovered his mobile phone and searched his address book. Did he have Tommi’s number stored somewhere? Ah yes, there it was. Looking at Jonne once more, he realized that he would have to make the call eventually. Maybe not yet because Jonne would fight him over it, but in one or two days at the very least. There was no way Jonne could go on like this much longer. In the end, he selected Sammy’s number and waited for his friend to answer.

It took Sammy a few minutes to reach his phone and answer the call. Much of that had to do with the fact that he had been playing with his boys and hadn’t been able to get away faster. “Hei!”

“Sammy! It’s me, Japa.” Until a moment ago, Jack hadn’t really been sure just why he was phoning Sammy, but now he realized his intentions. “Enjoying your time off?”

Sammy watched his sons play and sat down in a comfortable chair. A wide grin appeared on his face. “Sure.”

“But?” Jack grinned. He knew his friend through and through.

“I’m itching,” Sammy confessed. “I miss being on the road. I miss the gigs, the interviews, even the mad fans!”

“Good,” Jack said thoughtfully. “So you wouldn’t mind having to fill in on this little promo tour through Europe?”

Sammy immediately got serious and concentrated on the call. “What’s wrong, Jack?”

“With me? Nothing. But blondie…”

“Jonne? Something’s wrong with Jonne?” Sammy frowned.

“He’s overdoing it… I doubt he’ll be able to finish this tour. All I’m saying is be ready in case you get a call. You know what I’m saying?”

Sammy nodded. “I understand.” Frowning, he added, “What’s wrong with him?”

Jack shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not sure, but he’s heading for a breakdown, if you ask me.”

“Okay, I’ll keep that mind and not make any great plans for the next few days,” Sammy replied.

Jack thanked Sammy and then said goodbye. Watching Jonne again, he wondered just how long it would take before the singer would collapse.

~~~

Jonne studied his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He looked horrible. His face was ghostly pale, his eyes were large and haunted, and overall, he looked like the walking dead. It was the pills: the energy they provided him with had to come from somewhere and they tapped into his last reserves. Forcing himself to stop thinking about what he was doing to himself, he put on his make-up, fixed his hair, and then took another pill, the third one that day and it was only eleven in the morning. They were already in the studio and would give an interview shortly. Jonne hoped he would make it through it without somehow embarrassing himself. His worst nightmare was having an asthma attack in the middle of it.

“Are you ready? We’re about to start,” their hostess inquired as she looked around the corner.

Jonne nodded and put on his best smile. Joining them, he found Jack already in place and chatting with their hostess. Jonne’s acoustic guitar rested on Jack’s knee and the older man was goofing around on it. Jonne smiled and was grateful that Tommi had asked Jack to go on this little tour with him – he liked Jack. Sitting down next to Japa, he made sure he continued to smile. Concentrating on the questions proved much harder though, since his thoughts continued to wander off in all kinds of strange directions. It felt like he was losing the ability to focus, so it was once more Jack who dealt with most of the questions and even played a bit of Already Dead.

In-between the two interviews, they returned to the hotel and, while Jonne had had no intention of crawling back into bed, he did. He was asleep the moment his head made contact with the pillow. He didn’t register Jack becoming more and more concerned.

Jonne managed to get through the second interview that day as well, although he could only stare in bafflement at their interviewer. What language was the guy speaking? Although it was English, Jonne couldn’t make anything out of the questions and once more Jack rescued him and directed the conversation towards him. Jonne felt like he had left his body and was looking at them from somewhere close to the ceiling. It felt weird.

They were escorted to their taxi which would take them to their airport and Jack found himself supporting Jonne most of the time. Japa wasn’t sure how much longer he could allow this to continue. If Jonne wouldn’t put a stop to it, he might have to.

~~~

Jack felt grateful that the flight had only taken an hour and the check in at the Hotel Atlas had gone without any problems too. He managed to get Jonne into their room and helped him sit down on the bed. “Jonne? Can you even hear me?”

Jonne realized that he was being addressed, but reacting demanded energy which he lacked and he merely tilted his head to stare at Jack.

“Come on, Jonne, talk to me!” Jack was growing increasingly frustrated and even more worried. Even Christus had reacted one way or the other when he had been in some drug haze. “I’m getting you a doctor.”

That got Jonne’s attention and he slowly shook his head. Somewhere in the back of his mind, something Jack had said came back to him. “Interview…in a few hours…”

“I don’t fucking care about the interviews!” Jack’s voice clearly showed his concern and his frustration. “Lie down and rest… I’m going to the reception to get you a doctor.” Jonne placed a hand on his arm, but Jack refused to be swayed. “You’re making yourself even more ill.”

“Jack…it’s only…for a few…more days…” Jonne tried to stop Jack from easing him down on the bed, but lacked the strength to do so effectively.

“Do you want to get yourself killed? Jonne, I witnessed Chris get close to the edge. Do you really think I’m going to stand back and let you do the same? What are you taking? What did Chris give you?”

“Nothing…” Jonne shook his head. “It’s the flu…”

“Just keep telling yourself that,” Jack snapped back bitterly. “I’m getting you that doctor.” He started to rise from the bed, but then Jonne pulled him down again with surprising strength.

“Don’t! I need to do this!”

Jonne’s eyes filled with panic and Jack smoothed the blond hair away from the pale face. “You might think you need to do this, but you can’t. You’re ill. It might have started with a neglected flu and your asthma, but it has become much worse. But you can’t see that, or you don’t want to.”

That last surge of energy had taken a lot out of Jonne and he had to lie down again. Curled up on his side, he begged Jack with his eyes not to do it. “Let’s do the interview first.”

But Jack shook his head. He hated Jonne for making him do this. Why couldn’t the younger man just admit he needed help? Rest? Sleep? Why was Jonne making him into the bad guy? But Jack knew he had to do this, regardless of any feelings involved. He cringed – he didn’t have any feelings for Jonne, did he? Okay, this was not the right moment to think about that. “Stay in bed and don’t move a muscle. I’ll be right back.”

Jack rose from the bed and was already on his way over to the door when he turned around and picked up Jonne’s bag. Jonne’s clouded eyes widened and Jack knew he had been right all along. “You’re keeping it in here. Whatever pills Chris gave you.” He had to get to the bottom of it now. He couldn’t run the risk of Jonne grabbing his pills and taking them and keeping the doctor from diagnosing his condition correctly.

“Jack, don’t…” Jonne weakly raised his arm.

Jack however had unzipped the bag and found the bottle within seconds. “Damn it, Jonne, these are dangerous!” Christus had practically lived on those pills toward the end of Negative’s last tour.

Jonne, realizing he had lost, closed his eyes and tried hard not to weep. He wasn’t going to lose it in front of Jack!

“I’ll be right back.” Jack slipped the pills into a pocket and then left the room.

Once he was alone, Jonne let his tears fall. Angrily he wiped at them, wanting to rid himself of them as quickly as possible. He had let Tommi down. He had let the band down. He had let everyone down – even Jack.

~~~

Jack returned a few minutes later. The staff had been very helpful and had immediately offered to arrange for a doctor. Unfortunately they had been unable to tell him how long it might take before the doctor would get there. Jack stepped into the bedroom and found Jonne asleep. The singer’s eyes were red and showed that he had cried during his absence. “Damn it, Jonne, why push it to the limit?” Jack sat down on the bed, uncovered his mobile phone, and moved to call Tommi.

He didn’t get very far though. Suddenly Jonne pushed himself upright and started to cough alarmingly. Jack acted at once as he put the phone aside and pulled Jonne into his arms. Wanting to comfort the younger man, he stroked the trembling back and reached for the inhaler with his other hand, but then he froze as he saw blood on Jonne’s lips.

Part 4

Going home

Jonne was finally asleep and for that Jack was grateful. The examination had sapped Jonne’s remaining strength with answering the doctor’s questions. Jack had stayed close the entire time, translating for Jonne whenever the younger man didn’t understand a question or couldn’t find the right words. In the end, the physician had taken the damn pills with him, saying that he would discard them properly after Jack had stated that he wanted to flush them down the toilet.

Jonne had also been given something to make him sleep properly and new meds had appeared on the night stand. The physician’s main advice had been that Jonne should rest and stay in bed, which hadn’t surprised Jack. Jonne had tried to protest, but his vocal cords had refused to obey and in the end, the singer had had little choice but to give in and go back to sleep.

Jack sat on the bed close to Jonne and started to stroke the blond hair once more. It somehow seemed to ease Jonne’s rather restless dreams as the blond’s sleep turned calmer. He had his phone in his hand and realized that he couldn’t put off calling Tommi any longer. After another moment’s thought, he punched in the number and waited.

~~~

Tommi had already been handling a call when Jack’s came in. “I’ve no idea what happened. Yes, they knew they had to be there at ten! I’ll call them! I’m so sorry!” Tommi felt angry and disappointed. Jack and Jonne had failed to show up for their interview thirty minutes ago and the reporter had called him, telling him that time was up. Tommi wanted to quickly handle this second call because he needed to kick Jonne’s ass into gear! “Tommi Liimatainen,” he practically growled into his phone.

“Hei, it’s Jack… You know, Japa.”

Tommi’s eyes narrowed. Perfect! “I was about to call you! Why weren’t you at the bistro? The reporter has left! This was a big opportunity for you…”

“Tommi, listen to me!” Jack shook his head, disliking the frenzied tone to Tommi’s voice. Tommi and Jonne were brothers, weren’t they? Why wasn’t Tommi worried about his younger brother then? Why was a stupid interview more important than inquiring about his brother’s health?

“Jack, I don’t have time. I need to call that guy back and arrange for a new interview!”

“Forgot about it. Jonne isn’t doing any interviews for the next few weeks.” Jack had to be careful not to get angry too. That wouldn’t help. Looking to his right, he found Jonne still asleep. He would have been surprised if the blond had woken again that quickly. The sleeping medication would work a few more hours. Jonne was totally out of it.

“What do you mean by that? Is he throwing a tantrum? I know he can be… difficult at times. It ‘s a family trait. We’re short-tempered…”

“Tommi, your brother is ill. We had a doctor over to examine him. Jonne will be out for the next twelve hours.” Jack was curious as to how Tommi would react to that. Absentmindedly, he stroked Jonne’s back and didn’t even register that he was doing it.

Tommi remained quiet for a moment to digest the news. “Ill?”

“He was coughing up blood an hour ago. He has been pushing himself to the limit. Apparently he has a very nasty flu and never got the chance to fully recover from it. Together with the asthma it proved too much so he resorted to taking some pills to keep him going.” Okay, maybe telling Tommi over the phone wasn’t the best solution, but he wanted Tommi to know the details – and he wanted to know if Tommi cared.

Tommi swallowed hard, pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, and told himself to calm down. “I didn’t know he was so bad. When we discussed the trip he seemed tired, but not exhausted.” Then something else registered with him. “Pills? What kind of pills?”

Jack had no intention of betraying Christus’ part in all of this though, so he said, “Something to keep him going, but in the end, they hit hard. Come on, Tommi, you know what kind of pills I mean. There isn’t a musician I know who doesn’t need an extra punch when he’s tired and has a gig.” Okay, that wasn’t completely true, but he had the feeling Tommi would buy it.

Tommi drew in a deep breath and composed himself. “What did the doctor say?”

“That he needs rest… Jonne isn’t supposed to be on his feet for the next few days.” Jack was grateful that Tommi sounded calmer now. “Got any ideas?”

Tommi forced himself to think, but it wasn’t easy, having to split himself in two. As Jonne’s brother, he wanted him home so he could look after him. As Jonne’s manager, he feared the repercussions this might have on the band – and its management.

“Tommi?” Jack grew worried when Tommi didn’t say anything.

“I’m thinking. This hit me unprepared. I’m trying to think of an alternative.”

“Do you want a suggestion?” Jack had been thinking about it for the last hour and he thought his plan was sound, but he had no idea if Tommi would see things his way too.

“I would be grateful,” Tommi admitted.

“Get Jonne and me on a flight back to Tampere tomorrow… I’d rather have Jonne at home then abroad. Ask Sammy and Larry to replace Jonne and me.” He had considered suggesting Christus, but Jack had the feeling his friend would be too concerned about Jonne to do well during interviews.

“I have little choice but to do something like that,” Tommi realized. “I’ll arrange for a flight home and pick you up at the airport. I’ll call you back once I know the departure time, alright?” And he had to contact Sammy and Larry. “Jack?”

“Tommi?”

“Will you look after Jonne for me? I… am worried.”

Jack nodded. “I’ll look after him, don’t you worry.” If it hadn’t been for his continued concern, Jonne might have ended up even worse. “I’ll make sure he gets home in one piece.”

“I’ll meet you at the airport then… I’ll call you soon.” Tommi ended the call and sighed deeply. He had really messed up this time. He had pushed Jonne too far. Tommi dreaded calling Ville, but their youngest brother had every right to know what had happened, so he punched in Ville’s phone number.

~~~

“I told you so! But no, you refused to listen to me!” Ville was letting Tommi have it. “I told you that Jonne was too tired to make that trip, but no, you had to send him at any rate!”

Tommi was grateful that Ville was merely on the phone with him and not actually in the room. It *was* true – all three brothers could throw a tantrum, though Ville was best at it. “I told you before, he didn’t tell me! I thought he was just a bit tired! I had no idea it was that serious!”

Ville forced himself to calm down. His hands shook with anger and at that moment, the temptation to have a drink was strong, but thankfully Jonne had removed all alcohol from the apartment once he had started his treatment. That way, temptation merely remained temptation. And no, he couldn’t go off drinking now when Jonne needed him! “Did you already book him a flight home?” He planned on being at the airport when Jonne arrived.

“I just did. I need to call Jack to let him know the details. Ville, I’m sorrier than you know.” Tommi felt defeated. He had let his ambition as a manager get in the way of being a good brother.

“It’s okay,” Ville replied after a moment. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but I want Jonne home with me… with us.”

“So do I. Trust me, Ville. I’ll make sure everything gets set right again.”

~~~

Jack hadn’t even left their room to have dinner. Instead, he had called room service and had asked for some sandwiches to be delivered to the room. He would have loved for Jonne to eat some too, but the younger man was still out of it. If the doctor’s estimate was correct, Jonne wouldn’t wake up until the next morning.

His phone vibrated and, since it was next to him on the bed, Jack instantly answered it.

“Jack, it’s Tommy. I got you on a flight tomorrow.”

“I hope it’s at a decent hour. Jonne will be out of it for a few more hours.”

“It leaves at a quarter to two. Is that okay?” Tommi had been in his office all day taking care of everything. He had called Sammy, who hadn’t seemed surprised, and Larry, whom he had woken up at four in the afternoon. The two of them would leave for Amsterdam the next morning to fill in for Jonne and Jack.

“That’s fine. I’ll make sure we get there in plenty of time.”

“They’ll have your tickets at check in. Just tell them your names. Ville and I will pick you up at Pirkkala airport.”

“That’s good,” Jack replied, still stroking Jonne’s hair. It had almost become a habit by now. “Should something unexpected come up, I’ll give you a call.”

“Do that, and Jack? Thanks for looking after him. I know I might have made the wrong impression on you, but I do care. He’s my brother after all.”

Jack accepted the apology. “Ambition can be an ugly thing,” he remarked thoughtfully, at which Tommi coughed and then terminated the call. Jack wanted to put his phone down and nap for a while when it vibrated a second time. This time it was Christus’ name on the display and Jack drew in a deep breath before answering it. He had a feeling he knew why his friend was calling.

“Jack, what has happened? I just got a call from Larry informing me that he’s travelling to Amsterdam tomorrow to replace Jonne!”

“Your damn pills happened!” Jack had to do his best not to become loud with Christus since he didn’t want to accidentally wake Jonne or cause the younger man discomfort. “What were you thinking? I thought you’d thrown them away once you got clean?”

“I kept them… just in case…” Christus admitted guiltily. “How bad is he?”

“A neglected flu, asthma, exhaustion, and he was coughing up blood this morning.” Christus drew in his breath sharply and Jack knew his friend had been startled by the news. “The pills are gone now. The doctor took them and Jonne has been put to sleep. He won’t wake for the next few hours. I’m taking him home tomorrow. That’s why Sammy and Larry have been asked to replace us. I’m not letting Jonne fly on his own.”

“It’s my fault,” Christus said, feeling miserable. “I shouldn’t have listened to him, but he came to me, wanting those pills and when he looks at me like that…”

Jack sighed. He had experienced the effect that look had on him as well. “It was Jonne’s decision to take the risk. He might have gotten them from someone else if you hadn’t given them to him.” The last thing he wanted was Christus becoming depressed and doing something stupid because of this. “It’s not your fault, Chris, so don’t go there. Just make sure you rid your apartment of everything that reeks of drugs. When I get there and find something that resembles them, you’re in trouble.”

“I get it,” Christus whispered. “You’re a good friend.”

Jack sighed. “Yeah, I know… Okay, my battery is almost empty so I’m going to hang up now. We’re back in Tampere tomorrow evening. Give me a call then, okay?”

“I will. Bye, Jack.”

“Bye Chris.” Jack threw his phone onto the mattress and turned onto his side so he could study Jonne better. The younger man looked relaxed and didn’t seem troubled like he had been the previous nights. Whatever that doctor had given him, worked. Jack moved closer to Jonne, took him into his arms, and rubbed his back soothingly. It was still early and he could have gone to the bar to have a beer, but he preferred to stay and watch over Jonne instead.

The reason why he chose to do so was something he refused to think about.

~~~

Jack had ordered breakfast brought to their rooms and, after collecting the tray, carried it over to the bed. Jonne had slept soundly through the night for most of the time, although occasionally his breathing had been labored. It was getting time for Jonne to wake up and Jack hoped he was going to wake up by himself. He didn’t want to pull Jonne from his sleep.

Drinking his coffee, he would have loved a smoke in the morning, but he also knew it was poison for Jonne and so he ignored his nicotine craving. If things got worse, he could always step outside and smoke there. Since he was watching Jonne closely, he could tell the moment the younger man started to wake up. His nostrils twitched, probably detecting the coffee, before his eyes opened slowly. “Morning,” Jack said and smiled at him.

Jonne felt completely disorientated. He recognized Jack, but not his surroundings. Where was he? And what had happened?

Seeing the questions in Jonne’s eyes, Jack tried to be as gentle as possible when he said, “You’ve slept for twelve hours and you needed the rest. We’re in our hotel in Amsterdam and it’s nine in the morning.” Jonne’s puzzled expression made him add, “You’re confused because you slept through yesterday. You’re missing a day.” Jonne tried to elbow himself into an upright position and Jack immediately helped him. “Better?” he asked after putting some pillows against the headboard so Jonne could recline against them. “You must be thirsty. Can you drink this?” He took one of Jonne’s hands and curled the younger man’s fingers around the glass of orange juice.

Jonne felt weird. It was the only way to describe the slow, heavy feeling that stretched even into his toes. Just moving his hand seemed impossible and he stared blankly at the glass in his hand. In the end, Jack assisted him by guiding his hand to his lips and he managed to sip. Still processing what Jack had told him, Jonne blinked repeatedly. “I slept…through…yesterday?”

Jack nodded. “The doctor gave you something so you would sleep. Do you remember his visit?”

Jonne had to strain to remember. He did – faintly. Then he realized something else. “The interview!” His eyes grew big as he stared at Jack in panic.

“Tommi took care of it. The interview will happen later today – with Sammy and Larry.” Jack monitored Jonne’s reaction to that very carefully.

“Sammy? Larry?” Jonne blinked in confusion. “And what does Tommi…have to do… with that?”

“I had to tell Tommi what happened. You were in no condition to continue.” Jack cringed as he watched the way Jonne’s expression darkened and became depressed. “Taking those pills was a risk you should never have taken.”

Jonne closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath, and didn’t know what to say to that. He knew that Jack was right, but...what scared him was the fact that Jack had called Tommi. “What did he say?” Had Tommi been upset? Angry with him? Worried?

“He was shocked. I don’t think he knew how ill you were… Later on, he asked me to look after you. He’s worried.” Jack put some strawberry jam onto the toast and offered it to Jonne. “Can you eat that for me?”

Jonne wasn’t sure how his stomach would deal with the food, but he would try – for Jack. With trembling fingers, he took hold of the toast and managed to bite off a small chunk. “And now what?” He felt miserable. He had disappointed Tommi, ruined the planes for this promo tour, and now Jack, Sammy, and Larry had to make up for it.

Jack disliked seeing Jonne so depressed, but the younger man’s reaction was understandable. “We’ll head to the airport in a few hours and fly home.” Jonne flinched and Jack patted his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “Hey, what’s wrong? It’s for the best. You need to be at home and in a warm bed.”

“Tommi wanted this to be a success so badly.” No longer interested in eating his toast, Jonne closed his eyes. “I let him down.”

“Hey, you’re ill! It’s Tommi who should feel guilty for sending you off like that!” Jack put an arm around the blond and pulled him close. “Tommi must have noticed something. I’m sorry, but you’re not *that* good an actor.”

Jonne couldn’t help but smile. “I’m not? I thought I was.”

“You’re not.” Jack suddenly realized that he was stroking Jonne’s face and quickly pulled back his hand.

“Why did you stop?” Jonne tilted his head, opened his eyes, and looked questioningly at Jack. He had liked being touched like that.

Jack quickly looked away. He simply wasn’t good at talking about his feelings, or touching someone like that. He was basically a shy person, except for when Christus was close. Chris somehow managed to help him act freer. “I don’t want to…trespass.”

Jonne gazed at Jack in confusion. He was a very tactile person. He liked touching people and being touched in turn. He had lost count of the times Ville had protested against being hugged again – and that tight. In the end, his brother had simply given up. Kissing Christus and Larry on stage wasn’t just a mere act. Jonne really liked sharing his enthusiasm and affection in such a way. That was the kind of person he was and he couldn’t change that. Ville had been right about that – beneath the clothes, make-up, and hair style, he was still… himself. “You aren’t trespassing.”

That wasn’t the answer Jack had expected and, feeling shy, he turned away. “I’m going to take a quick shower and then we’ll get you dressed. I don’t want us to have to hurry to the airport.” He started to move away from Jonne, but then took hold of the singer’s hand.

Surprised, Jonne waited for Jack’s next action. He was strangely disappointed when Jack merely pressed his inhaler into his hand. He had hoped for something…more.

“Keep that close,” Jack advised. “I’ll leave the bathroom door open. If something happens, just call me.” Jonne nodded and, while wondering about the disappointed look on the younger man’s face, Jack got to his feet.

Jonne curled up and clasped his fingers tightly around his inhaler. He had really fucked up.

~~~

“Do you need any help getting dressed?” Jack hoped Jonne would say no because for some reason he felt nervous about the younger man. Jonne was sitting upright in bed and had taken his new meds without question. Although Jonne still looked tired, the fever appeared to be going down.

Jonne nibbled on his bottom lip. “I’m not sure.” He craved a shower, but he wasn’t sure he could ask Jack to help him. He was already being a nuisance.

“Let’s find out then.” Jack opened Jonne’s suitcase and selected a white shirt, pink sweater, and black trousers. Earlier, Jack had dressed in his favourite pair of ripped jeans and a warm, black sweater, not paying much attention to how he looked since he no longer had to do any interviews.

Jonne proved to be a dead weight, being unable to cooperate most of the time. It was up to Jack to get him into the clothes. The blond hair was a bit of a mess, but in a strange way, that made Jonne look even more attractive. Feeling embarrassed because the attraction continued to grow even though Jonne was ill, Jack concentrated on putting socks and shoes on Jonne as well. He had finally recognized the strange feeling for what it was. He didn’t hate Jonne – didn’t even dislike him like he had made himself believe. The truth was that he liked Jonne and felt attracted to him. Jack, being the shy person he was, had no idea how to handle that feeling once he had finally acknowledged it.

Jonne in turn had no idea what was going on with Jack, but he liked the attention he was getting. It was only unfortunate that Jack was merely looking after him because he was ill. He would have liked to have Jack be interested in him for who he was, but that seldom happened. Fans liked him because of the way he looked and even though Jonne had tried to do away with that obsession by cutting off his hair and doing away with his old clothes, he knew he had failed. It always came down to his looks and not who he was. Maybe he had hoped that Jack was different and would understand.

Jack finally finished his job and smoothed Jonne’s hair away from his face. A look at his wrist watch showed that they had to leave shortly. “I’m going to pack your stuff and then we can leave.” He closed the suitcase and stuffed Jonne’s meds and inhalers into his bag, making sure they were always within reach. “There should be a taxi waiting for us.”

Jonne called on his remaining strength and managed to get to his feet. With Jack’s arm wrapped around his waist, he made his way out of the hotel and sat down in the back seat of the taxi. Jack sat down next to him and Jonne looked thoughtfully at him. “Are you very mad with me?”

Jack’s eyes widened. He must have misheard. “Why would I be mad with you?”

“For ruining everything.” Jonne made himself as comfortable as he could on the back seat and pulled his long, black coat close. “You seemed to be enjoying the interviews.”

“It’s part of the job,” Jack replied, still wondering about Jonne’s question. “I’m not angry with you,” he said while looking Jonne in the eye. “I’m worried.” Growing shy again, he looked away. He had no use for this attraction that continued to build inside him.

“I’m grateful that you stayed close… In spite of the stupid things I’ve done.” Jonne’s fingers twitched and he awkwardly reached for Jack’s hand. He hoped Jack would allow the contact, but he had no way of knowing for sure.

Jack felt equally nervous as he watched Jonne’s hand reach for his. His first thought was to withdraw his hand, but then he changed his mind and curled his fingers tightly around Jonne’s. He had come to realize that he wanted the contact. No matter how awkward it made him feel, it was a good feeling.

~~~

Jack was surprised when the steward pointed them to the first class section. “Do you think there has been some mix up with our tickets?” His fingers were tightly twined with Jonne’s and said hand rested on the blond’s hips, still steadying him since Jonne was wobbly on his feet.

Jonne shrugged his shoulders tiredly. “I have no idea.” Yawning, all he wanted was to sit down and maybe catch another nap. It was embarrassing, but he had also fallen asleep in the taxi.

“These are your seats, gentlemen. I hope you’ll have a pleasant flight. If you require something, just let me know,” the steward said before leaving them.

“Maybe Tommi’s conscience kicked in and he’s trying to make up for…” Jonne yawned again. “I need to sit down anyway.” Jonne made himself comfortable and purred as he noted the extra space first class bought him. He could curl up comfortably in the bigger chair.

Japa sat down near the aisle and rubbed Jonne’s fingers without realizing that he was doing it. He wanted to address the singer again, but then found that Jonne’s eyes had already closed. Jonne was asleep again. Gingerly, he beckoned the steward and asked for a blanket and pillow for Jonne, which was brought a moment later. Jack had to let go of Jonne’s hand as he pushed the pillow into place and covered Jonne with the blanket. Taking hold of Jonne’s hand again, he wondered about the warm feelings rising inside of him. He had been in love before, but it had never happened so unexpectedly and had never taken hold of him so completely. A sad smile appeared on his face. He was falling in love with Jonne, but he also knew that he wouldn’t be so lucky to have Jonne feel the same way about him.

~~~

Jonne woke shortly before touch down and smiled when he found that Jack was still stroking his fingers. During the flight, Jonne’s head had moved back to rest against Jack’s shoulder, but this time, it also rested comfortable on a pillow. Rubbing his eyes with his other hand, Jonne yawned and tried to wake up fully.

“Here, I saved you something.” Jack placed a wrapped sandwich on Jonne’s lap. “You need to eat something so you can take your meds.”

“What meds?” Unwrapping the sandwich single handed proved hard, but he managed. He ate half of it, then pushed it away. “I’m not hungry.”

“It’ll do.” Jack regretting having to let go of Jonne’s hand, but he did and asked the steward for some water so Jonne could take his medication.

Jonne suspiciously studied the tablets. “What’s that?”

“Cortisone. The doctor prescribed it.” Jack handed him the water. “Just take it.”

Jonne sighed, but then downed the tablets and water. He hated being ill, but there was little he could do about it. At least his asthma seemed to have stopped acting up. He sought out Jack’s hand again, removed the pillow, and snuggled up to him. Jack tensed momentarily and Jonne took that as a sign that his closeness was unwelcome and started to retreat. “No, it’s okay,” Jack told him, so Jonne resumed his position, smiling against Jack’s shoulder.

~~~

Tommi was busy pacing the arrival hall and kept checking the information on the monitors every few seconds. Ville had sat down and was watching Tommi in turn. Their gazes met and Tommi sighed. He was sorrier than he could ever say and, while he had already told Ville that everything was his mistake, it felt like he had to say it again just to relieve his guilty conscience.

“Tommi, sit down. You’re making me mad pacing like that!” Ville knew Tommi blamed himself for what had happened and he agreed, but only partly. Once he had learned about the pills, he had realized that Jonne had made mistakes too. “It’s always hard to remember that Jonne isn’t perfect, isn’t it?”

Ville’s remark got Tommi’s attention and confused him. “What do you mean?”

Ville smiled gently and rested a hand on his older brother’s shoulder. “Jonne has always been my role model in so many ways and you have such great plans for him. Did we ever consider how much pressure we’re putting on his shoulders by acting like that?”

Tommi sighed and nodded. “It’s true. I always wanted the best for the two of you. I want Jonne to be happy and music makes him happy, even more so than it does you.”

Ville understood and patted Tommi’s shoulder. “But he’s only human.”

Tommi drew in a deep breath. “I might have wanted too much. Made him go too long without a break. Paska, I’m sure I did!”

Ville leaned against his brother and caught Tommi’s hand in his. “Jonne doesn’t need us fighting over who made the biggest mistake. He needs us to present a united front. We need to make sure he rests and recovers.”

“You’re right. Of course, you are.” Tommi checked the information again. “And I’m going to make sure he recovers.”

“Don’t be mad at him. Don’t yell at him.” Ville raised his head and he watched the changing information on the monitor. “Their plane has landed. He’ll be here in a few minutes.” Ville got to his feet and pulled Tommi along with him. “I’m grateful that you didn’t send him off on his own...that Jack is with him.” He didn’t know the guitarist that well, but appreciated the fact that Jack had looked out for their brother.

“It’s because of Jack that… If he hadn’t called… hadn’t intervened...”

“Hey, let it go. It happened. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Let’s help Jonne the best we can.” After Tommi had nodded, Ville pulled him along to the entryway. He wanted to hold Jonne in his arms and then take him home, put him to bed, and make sure he slept.

~~~

“I’m nervous,” Jonne mumbled into his scarf, but one look at Jack showed that the older man had heard his admission. “I’m scared Tommi will be upset.”

Jack growled from between his teeth. “He should be upset because of the mistake he made when he sent you on that trip.”

Jonne immediately came to his brother’s defence. “Tommi didn’t know it was that bad. I didn’t tell him.”

“Still. He’s your brother. He should know you better than that. You’re not that good an actor, remember.”

“I am!” Jonne retorted stubbornly, but a smile surfaced on his face when Jack shook his head. They were waiting for their luggage and it was taking a while. Not that Jonne minded though. He felt warm and perfectly at ease tucked away against Jack, who had his arm around Jonne’s waist. Jonne smiled and rubbed his cheek against Jack’s shoulder. The cortisone was kicking in and the sleep he had finally gotten helped too. He still felt weak though and at times, his breathing had become labored. He hadn’t had an asthma attack during the last few hours, but he was realistic enough to know it could still happen.

“I need to get those.” Jack had to let go of Jonne to retrieve their luggage. Jonne’s suitcase, being pink, was always easy to spot. He put the strap of the guitar case over his shoulder and carried it that way as he returned to Jonne with their suitcases. “Can you handle yours?” Although Jonne seemed improved, Jack wasn’t sure how much was just temporary due to the new meds.

Jonne took hold of his trolley and pulled it along. He sighed when Jack put his arm in place around his waist and a pleasant warmth moved through his body since the older man was close again. Jonne being Jonne couldn’t help but say, “I like you, Japa.”

It was a good thing that Jonne’s stare was directed at the floor to make sure he didn’t stumble by accident, Jack thought, because otherwise the singer might have seen the blush that had risen to his cheeks. Jack couldn’t help being shy when someone said something like that to him. “I like you too,” he whispered and realized his voice trembled as he said so.

Jonne didn’t catch the tremors though. He was distracted since he had caught sight of Ville and Tommi. “I don’t want to face Tommi.”

“Ah, it won’t be that bad. Tommi’s worried just as well.” Jack hoped that he was right for Tommi’s sake. If Tommi even looked at Jonne the wrong way, Jack would intervene. He had come to care too much about Jonne to let Tommi hurt him.

Ville was the first to launch himself at Jonne. He ran toward his brother and put his arms around him. He noticed how Jonne was leaning heavily against him and tightened his hold on his brother. “I’m so relieved you’re back! I was so worried about you!” After hugging Jonne close to him, Ville raised his head. To his dismay, he realized that he was actually crying, which hadn’t been his intention, so he quickly wiped his tears away. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again!”

Deeply touched by the concern which he saw on Ville’s face, Jonne lowered his gaze. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I just wanted to get through the week.”

Tommi walked up to his brothers then and shook his head as he saw how drained Jonne was. Why hadn’t he noticed how exhausted Jonne was the other day? Had he chosen not to see it subconsciously perhaps? Had he let the manager get the upper hand? “Jonne?”

Jonne swallowed nervously and only then raised his gaze to face his older brother. His breathing sped up and he could already feel Jack searching his bag for his inhaler. He felt better the moment Jack put the inhaler in his hand, but he wasn’t sure he needed it. He was just nervous as he faced Tommi. “Anteeksi,” he mumbled and flinched. “I didn’t mean to let you down or cause problems.”

A lump of emotions formed in Tommi’s throat as he watched his younger brother stand in front of him like that. That was so wrong. He didn’t want Jonne to be afraid of his reactions! “Jonne, I’m the one who’s sorry! I should have…” Unable to find the right words to convey his feelings, Tommi pulled Jonne in his arms and held him close while stroking his back. “I’ll never make that mistake again. I promise you that things will be different from this moment on.”

Jonne’s eyes widened during Tommi’s little speech. He had never expected his brother to react like that. “Tommi, it wasn’t your fault… I didn’t tell you… I asked for those pills…”

“We both made mistakes, yes?” Tommi pulled slightly away from Jonne so he could probe his brother’s eyes. “You’re tired and should be in bed. We’ll take you home.” Tommi then addressed Jack. “Do you want me to get you a taxi?”

Jack had remained in the background during the reunion, very much aware of the fact that he wasn’t a part of it. “Sure, I’ll crash with Christus.” It was too late for him to head to Helsinki and he was tired too. He had spent many hours watching over Jonne and was looking forward to getting some sleep as well, though the thought of not having Jonne close made him feel edgy. He couldn’t explain why though.

“Ei.” Jonne shook his head and then pushed himself away from Tommi and toward Jack, who immediately placed a hand at the small of his back when he swayed. “I want Jack to come with us, please.” He looked pleadingly at his older brother.

Jack wasn’t sure what to think of that. He didn’t want to intrude on what would be a family get together that evening. “I can visit you in the morning.”

“Please stay? You can visit Chris tomorrow, if you really miss him that much.”

And once more *that* look was being directed at Jack. Jonne had to know no one could deny him when he looked like that and Jack found himself nodding. “If it’s okay with your brothers.”

Ville watched Jonne quite closely and probably knew his brother best. Christus knew a lot about Jonne and so did Tommi, but only Ville had learned to look deeper and see what lay beneath what Jonne wanted them to see. Some connection had formed between his brother and the guitarist and Ville smiled broadly. He might be wrong – but he didn’t think so – but it looked like Jonne might be love. If that was the case, Ville would be thrilled because he wanted his brother to be happily in love. Jonne wasn’t someone who enjoyed being on his own. Jonne liked being among people. “We would love to have you, Jack,” Ville stated and elbowed Tommi in his side hard.

Tommi shot Ville an irritated look. Why had his brother done that? Then he noticed the wiggling eyebrow on Ville directed at Jonne and Jack. Now what was his brother trying to tell him? Well, he could figure that out later. “I’ll take that,” he said, although he hated being seen with a pink suitcase.

Jonne happily let Tommi get his suitcase and leaned against Jack once more. “Thanks for coming along.”

Jack merely nodded, not trusting his voice. Why exactly had Jonne insisted he stay?

“What’s with you?” Tommi asked when Ville fell into step beside him. They walked in front of Jack and Jonne, leading the way. “That hurt!”

“Didn’t you notice the way Jonne looks at Jack? Are you blind? Tommi, not even you can be that stupid!”

Tommi looked at Jonne from over his shoulder and saw the contentment on his brother’s face. He also noticed that Jonne’s hand was resting against Jack’s abdomen. “Ah,” he said as he finally realized what Ville was getting at. “You mean…?” He wiggled an eyebrow too.

Ville merely nodded and gave Tommi a blinding smile. “Exactly.”

Part 5

Tell me!

Their voices sounded distant and Jonne reckoned it was due to the fact that he was half asleep again. He sat in the back seat of Tommi’s car perched in-between Jack and Ville. His head rested against Jack’s shoulder and both his hands felt warm, probably since both his brother and Jack were holding them. Since he was on his way home, he felt like he could finally let himself fall. His brothers – and Jack – would catch him.

“I want him in bed,” Tommi stated as soon as he had parked the car close to Jonne’s apartment.

Ville nodded. “Me too.” Ville got out first and, with Jack’s help, they managed to get Jonne out of the car as well. “He’s asleep on his feet,” Ville told Tommi, who was in the middle of unlocking the front door.

“Let me,” Tommi said as he walked towards his brothers. He put his arms beneath Jonne’s neck and knees and pulled him close to his chest. He smiled as he noted that it felt good acting the part of older brother again.

Jack followed them, once more feeling like he didn’t belong there. Why had he let Jonne persuade him to come along? He wasn’t part of this family. But then Ville patted his shoulder and smiled at him and Jack relaxed. Apparently he was really wanted there.

Once they were inside the apartment, Tommi headed for Jonne’s bedroom. He moved to place his younger brother on the bed, but then found himself with a problem. Looking over his shoulder, he saw that Ville was heading for the kitchen, probably to make tea, but Jack was there and could help him. “Hey, Jack, can you come in here for a second?”

Eager to help, Jack put the guitar case on the floor and stepped into the bedroom. Surprised, he blinked. The bed was filled with stuffed animals and for a moment, he thought he had entered one of those ‘pink princess rooms’ that young girls adore so much.

Tommi grinned. Jack’s reaction didn’t surprise him. “Can you rid the bed of those stuffed animals?”

Jack nodded and placed the stuffed animals on the floor. Then he pushed down the covers and stepped aside so Tommi could lower Jonne onto the bed. At Tommi’s signal, he helped him remove Jonne’s clothes. Once Jonne had been stripped to his boxers, Tommi helped him into an oversized shirt which had Winnie the Pooh on its front.

“Don’t ask me why, but Jonne loves those Disney characters,” Tommi commented.

That was something Jack, who prided himself on being a rocker, had to digest. He was in love with someone who liked Disney characters!

“Come on, Jonne, lie down. Let go.” Tommi was doing his best to convince Jonne to let go of his shirt, but his younger brother’s fingers were tightly clawing at it.

“I don’t want to be alone… The three of you will be there and…I’ll be here… on my own.” Jonne opened his eyes and gave Tommi his patented, pleading look.

“I thought you were asleep,” Tommi responded as he sat down on the side of the bed.

“Not really… I’m just being lazy…” Jonne yawned. If they wanted to pamper him, he wasn’t going to stop them. He pressed deeper into the mattress and then focused his gaze – to the best of his ability – on Tommi. “Please, I don’t want to be alone.”

Jack didn’t know if his opinion was appreciated, but said, “It would be best to keep him close in case his asthma acts up. He tends to forget where he puts his inhaler.”

Tommi nodded and grinned. “It’s the two of you against just poor little me.”

Jonne grinned slyly at Tommi. “Definitely. So…?” He then smiled thankfully at Jack.

“You can have the couch in the living room,” Tommi decided. “But no moving about, except for using the bathroom, agreed?”

Jonne nodded happily. “I’ll be good.”

Jack sighed. Jonne knew exactly how to wind them around his little finger. He wouldn’t go as far as to say it was an act on Jonne’s part, but the singer knew exactly how to manipulate them! He had to keep that in mind in the future.

“Jack, can you move him to the couch? I want to see what’s taking Ville so long in the kitchen.” Tommi had to remind himself that he had two brothers to look after. Jonne’s need for him might be the more obvious one, but Ville needed his support too. Tommi knew only too well how easily someone could succumb to alcohol again. He had seen that happen too many times in his line of work.

Jonne grinned at Jack, albeit a bit fatigued. “Yes, Jack, help me.”

Jack had the absurd idea that Jonne was somehow enjoying this. Could it be that there was another, somewhat wicked side to Jonne, which he hadn’t noticed before?

“I’ll be good,” Jonne added after Tommi had left for the kitchen.

Jack sighed, walked over to the bed, and pulled Jonne to his feet. “Can you walk?” The way Jonne tilted his head and looked at him revealed that he was being manipulated again.

“Can’t you carry me?” Jonne batted his eyelashes seductively. He was enjoying his little game, but then reality kicked him hard and he stared to gasp. Damn, not now. Not again! Where was that damn inhaler?

Jack, realizing Jonne was having another asthma attack, quickly grabbed the inhaler from the night stand and pressed it into Jonne’s hand. Jonne immediately used it and his breathing calmed down. Jack pulled Jonne against him and stroked his back. “You’d better keep that close.”

Jonne nodded. No longer in the mood for play, he leaned against Jack and whispered, “Now you really have to carry me.” He was being honest. The attack had drained him.

“I don’t mind,” Jack assured him. But that cheeky side he had seen still made him smile. He lifted Jonne and carried him to the couch in the living room, which was cosily decorated. He placed Jonne on the couch and moved to shift away again when trembling fingers wrapped around his wrist.

“Please stay?” Jonne gave Jack another pleading look.

Jack sat down and Jonne crawled closer, resting his head in Jack’s lap before turning towards the television which stood in the corner of the living room. He had realized that Jack felt awkward and until now he hadn’t thought it possible, but Jack definitely felt shy around him. That was an encouraging sign though as far as Jonne was concerned. Why had Jack turned shy around him when he had been brusque at first? Maybe because Jack *liked* him? Jonne smiled and rubbed his cheek against Jack’s thigh.

Jack drew in his breath sharply, but didn’t say anything nor did he try to move away. Jonne’s presence, the way the blond touched him and acted around him… It made him feel… special… and that was a novel experience for him.

At that moment, Ville and Tommi entered the living room carrying trays. “We didn’t know what you’d like so we made tea, coffee, and hot chocolate.” They put the trays on the coffee table and then smiled. Jonne and Jack presented an adorable sight.

“Oh, hot chocolate!” Jonne didn’t want to get up since he was resting so comfortably but the hot chocolate smelled sweet and the scent invaded his nostrils. Slowly, he elbowed himself upright and then rested his upper body against Jack’s. “Can you get it for me?” He pointed at the mug. He was afraid he might grow dizzy if he reached for it.

Jack took hold of the hot chocolate and handed it to Jonne. To his dismay, he found no beer on the tray. He would have loved a cold one. In the end, he opted for coffee, which was strong, just the way he liked it. While Jonne sipped his hot chocolate, Ville and Tommi reached for their drinks and made themselves comfortable on the other couch. “So what are we going to do now?” Jack asked.

“Watch a movie?” Jonne quipped in-between sips.

“Do you think you can stay awake long enough to watch one?” Ville asked as he blew on the surface of his tea.

“That doesn’t matter,” Tommi said. “The most important thing is that we’re here, taking care of each other.” Tommi fixed Jonne with his gaze. “What do you want to watch?”

Jonne cuddled against Jack and didn’t really care what they watched. He knew he wouldn’t last long anyway, not after the hot chocolate. He was already half asleep.

“How about ‘Garfield’?” Jack asked while pointing at one of the DVDs on top of the player.

“I like that movie!” Jonne cuddled even closer to Jack. If he got any closer to the older man, he would be straddling his lap.

Ville got up and inserted the DVD. “Do we need snacks?”

“While watching ‘Garfield’? Of course we do,” Jack commented and nodded. “We need lasagne.”

“Pizza,” Jonne whispered, though his eyes were already closing.

“Potato chips are all we have,” Ville remarked and went into the kitchen where he poured the contents of the bag into a huge bowl. He placed it on the coffee table and then collected a blanket from behind the couch. “Here, he grows cold easily.” Ville watched the scene with mixed feelings. In the past, Jonne had cuddled up to him like that, but now Jack was Jonne’s portable heater. He felt a small twinge of envy, but then dismissed it. A little cuddling among brothers was one thing, but Jonne needed something more – a lover.

Tommi, who had also opted for coffee, paid the movie little attention. Ville and Jack seemed to enjoy it though. He was staring at Jonne the entire time. How could he not have noticed the exhaustion on the pale face? Jonne had gone to sleep within the first five minutes of the movie and Tommi had used the opportunity to really study him. He didn’t like what he saw. Jonne was too pale, too skinny, and too drained.

“I can take him back to bed,” Jack offered, having noticed Tommi’s gaze.

But Tommi shook his head. “He’s right where he wants to be. Let him be.”

Unable to concentrate on the movie any longer, Ville looked at Jack too. “What did the doctor say? How long is it going to take for Jonne to recover?”

“A few weeks. He said that Jonne should stay in bed for a week and then, no strenuous activities like gigs…” Jack studied Tommi. “Is that an option? Giving him the time he needs to recover? Or does he have to go back to work the next week? He’ll do that, you know, but it’ll slowly kill him.”

“I cancelled every gig for the next month.” Tommi cringed. He knew their reputation would be damaged and he would have to pay up – or rather the record company had to – but he had put his foot down and told them that Jonne’s health came first.

Jack nodded appreciatively. “That’s good. It’ll take the pressure off of him.”

In his sleep, Jonne moved closer to Jack, wrapped his arms around him, and continued to dream contentedly.

“He likes you,” Ville remarked. “Do you know how… rare… it is for Jonne to let his guard down like that?” Ville had needed a moment to find the right word to describe Jonne’s actions.

“I hardly know him,” Japa whispered.

“But he still likes you. He let you in…” Ville smiled sadly. “He lives in his own world most of the time.”

Jack frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Our childhood wasn’t easy. Our parents were alcoholics and we grew up in shelters and children homes. Jonne, being the older of the two of us, always tried to protect me. Tommi was already off studying so it was all up to Jonne to make sure we were all right. He fled into his music...his lyrics, the melodies. You might not believe it, but deep down he’s really lonely.”

Tommi swallowed hard. He had never heard Ville voice it like that, but it was true.

Jack held Jonne close and rocked him gently when the blond started to mumble in his sleep. “It would be best if we put him to bed. Our talking disturbs him.”

Tommi nodded. “You’re probably right.” He was about to offer to carry Jonne to bed when Jack rose and lifted the singer in his arms. Smiling, Tommi watched them leave, then turned his gaze to Ville. “Ville, come here, would you?”

His brother’s request puzzled Ville, but he got up and covered the distance between them. “Now what?” He didn’t expect Tommi to grab him and pull him close so he ended up sprawled on his brother’s lap. “Tommi, you idiot, what…” But then he grew silent when his big brother pulled him into a hug. Smiling, he rested his head on Tommi’s shoulder. He had missed this – the connection between the three of them. They had lost it during all the stress of touring, interviews, and recording. “I love you, Tommi. You’ll always be my big brother…”

Tommi smiled as well, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. He had finally remembered what it felt like to look out for his younger brothers and damn, he had missed that feeling! “I’m going to look out for the two of you again. I forgot…”

“Hush now,” Ville whispered into Tommi’s ear. “It’s okay. Everything’s all right.” He hugged his brother close and soaked up his closeness like a sponge, wanting more and getting more as Tommi started to rub his back. They were family – for some time, they had forgotten that, but now they had remembered.

~~~

Jack eased Jonne onto the mattress and then faced a dilemma. They weren’t in a hotel any longer. Wasn’t it better if he slept on the couch instead of in Jonne’s bed?

Jonne noticed the absence of warmth however and pulled Jack close. He opened his eyes to find out what was wrong, what had ruined his perfect nap, and found Jack standing next to his bed. “Don’t leave.”

Jack wasn’t sure if he should give in to Jonne, but then the blond managed to grab his hand and started pull him closer. The way Jonne looked, drunk on sleep and with such a sated look in his eyes, made Jack give in and he lay down next to him. The younger man immediately snuggled up to him and Jack accepted his fate as he hugged Jonne close in turn.

“Tell me,” Jonne requested and smiled against Jack’s shoulder.

“Tell you what?” Jack couldn’t help himself. He savoured holding Jonne in his arms and inhaled the other man’s scent deeply. He knew he was falling deeper in love and was probably setting himself up for heartache, but during that moment, he didn’t care. All he cared about was having Jonne that close and looking into the blue eyes which had bewitched him.

“Do you really think I’m cute?” Jonne raised his head and smiled at the older man. He was still tired, but being like this, in Jack’s arms, was all the medicine he needed at that moment.

Jack swallowed hard. Suddenly his nervousness was back. He wasn’t used to talking about his feelings, let alone being attracted to someone like Jonne. “You’re more than just cute and you know it,” he chided the singer.

Jonne cursed the fact that his body wouldn’t cooperate. If it had been up to him, they would have discussed that remark in detail, but he was tired, so damn tired. “Say it again.” He cuddled up to Jack more and closed his eyes. “I love your voice.”

Jack caressed Jonne’s hair and smiled shyly. “Yes, you’re cute. You’re different, you know. When we first met, I thought I wouldn’t like you, but you have this certain quality about you… Something that just makes me want to hold you… and kiss you.” Damn! He hadn’t said that. No, no, no!

“Then why don’t you?” In spite of his fatigue, Jonne managed to raise his eyes and focused his gaze on the older man. “I want you to kiss me.” Seeing the questions in Jack’s eyes, he explained, “I don’t let people get close to me – not that close – usually. But you’re different. I don’t trust easily, you know.”

“Ville mentioned something like that.” Jack stroked Jonne’s face tenderly.

“He did? When?” Jonne frowned.

“While you were asleep.” Jack studied the blue eyes and found them clear and calm. “Why don’t you go back to sleep? It’ll do you good.”

“You said you’d kiss me,” Jonne reminded the other man.

“You really want that?” Jack stroked back the blond hair and searched Jonne’s eyes intensely. In response to his question, Jonne pulled him close and kissed him. It was the sweetest kiss he had ever tasted – innocent, but with a promise of lust woven into it. He couldn’t stop himself from reacting to it and his tongue begged for entrance. Jonne parted his mouth and he finally tasted Jonne completely. The sensation nearly blew his mind and he stared earnestly into Jonne’s eyes, which hid nothing and revealed everything. He saw the need in them, the lust, and then something more that he echoed in his own mind. He had thought that his feelings were unrequited, but what he read in those blue eyes made him reconsider.

“Jack, you’ll stay, won’t you?”

Jack cringed at the fear and insecurity in Jonne’s voice. What kind of lover had left Jonne in the past, abandoning him? “I’ll stay,” he said, meaning every word of it. “I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but Jonne… I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Jonne smiled. “I feel the same way…” He raised a shaky hand and caressed Jack’s face. “Anteeksi, so tired…” Jack patted his hair and Jonne closed his eyes. In spite of being ill, he felt happy. He tightened his hold on the dark-haired man and smiled contentedly, believing Jack when he said that he would still be there in the morning.

~~~

After ten minutes of more hugging, Ville stood and pulled Tommi to his feet as well. “It’s been a long day. I need to get some sleep too.” Ville switched off the DVD player and television and then yawned. Tommi stood there looking lost and Ville took his hand, dragging him along. “Let’s check on Jonne first and see if he’s all right.” Ville pulled Tommi to their brother’s bedroom and together they peeked around the corner. A loud ‘ooooooh’ escaped Ville’s lips when he saw Jonne and Jack curled up together. “It’s nice seeing Jonne letting down his guard for a change.”

“He hasn’t had much luck in the past with lovers,” Tommi agreed. Jonne had had some girlfriends, but none of those relationships had lasted more than a year. Those girls had quickly grown jealous and possessive of the singer and that had been poison for the relationships. “Maybe this…thing… with Jack will be different.” Tommi hoped so. That Jonne also liked men was no surprise to them. Jonne had never been secretive about his sexual orientation.

“Let them sleep.” Ville closed the door and took Tommi’s hand again.

“I can sleep on the couch, you know.” Tommi had his own place these days, but was too lazy to drive home that night since it was at the other side of the city.

“Forget about it. My bed is big enough and it isn’t like we never shared a bed before!” There had been times when the three of them had huddled together to find the warmth and affection which their parents hadn’t been able to give them. “I’m too tired to bother…” Ville whispered, stepped out of his jeans and kept his shirt and sweater on. Letting himself fall on the bed, he sighed.

Tommi smiled, removed his clothes and burrowed one of Ville’s shirts to sleep in. Lying down on his back, he stared at the ceiling for a long time. Then, his thoughts were interrupted by Ville, who rolled onto his side and put his head to rest on his shoulder. “I’ll stop thinking so loudly,” Tommi whispered the moment Ville opened his mouth to say something. He had known exactly what Ville had wanted to say and had beaten his younger brother to it.

“Do that… It’s keeping me awake.” Snuggling up to Tommi, Ville smiled happily. “I’ve missed this, you know.”

Tommi’s expression darkened. “I’ve not been the best brother lately.” He had let his job take over and had lived in the office instead of thinking of his family life. He was so fortunate to have two brothers like that! It was all the family he had left and he hadn’t been there when Ville had gone through therapy or when Jonne had been hit by this damn flu.

“Tommi, please forgive yourself.” Ville knew Tommi had learned his lesson. “And if you still feel guilty in the morning, make it up to us by fixing us some breakfast before you leave for work.” Ville closed his eyes and felt sleep crawl up on him. He wouldn’t be able to stay awake much longer. Tommi patted his head and Ville’s smile remained on his face even though he was falling asleep.

For Tommi however, sleep didn’t come that easily. His guilty conscience kept him awake. A few hours later, he rolled Ville away from him, covered his younger brother with the comforter, and then checked on Jonne again. Although the fact that Jonne was back at home reassured him a bit, he remained worried. Standing in the doorway, he watched Jonne sleep for a few minutes and noticed that even in his sleep Jack continued to stroke his brother’s blond hair. Ville had definitely been right about those two. Sighing, Tommi went into the kitchen and warmed some milk in the hope that it would help him sleep.

~~~

Jonne enjoyed watching Jack sleep. The older man’s face was relaxed and Jonne finally got a chance to study him properly. An expression of appreciation along with the beginnings of love and trust lay in Jonne’s eyes as he took to caressing Jack’s face. In the past, the only people he had been able to count on had been his brothers and now someone new had entered his life so unexpectedly.

“That tickles,” Jack mouthed lazily. He wasn’t much of a morning person. The last few days, he hadn’t had a choice, but if it had been up to him, no one should get out of bed before eleven at the very earliest and his biological clock told him that it probably wasn’t even nine. “Go back to sleep.”

But Jonne was – for a change – very much awake. “You stayed,” he whispered.

“Hum, did you really think I was going to leave this warm, comfortable bed and trade it for the cold outdoors?” Wah, way too much talking so early in the morning.

Jonne caressed Jack’s face and then let a fingertip slide across the plump lips.

“Jonne, go back to sleep!” That tickled even more and threatened to wake him even further. A knock on the door and Tommi announcing that breakfast was ready ruined the morning altogether for him. Groaning, he pulled the comforter over his face, trying to hide.

“I can still see you,” Jonne whispered and grinned.

With a sigh, Jack surrendered to fate and opened his eyes. “The two of you are really determined to ruin my morning, aren’t you?” He smiled though as he saw how much good the sleep had done Jonne. Raising a hand, he placed it against the blond’s brow. “Looks like your fever is almost gone.”

Jonne nodded happily and then blushed when his stomach growled loudly.

Jack grinned. “That means you’re hungry… and that I need to get out of bed after all.”

“Come on, guys, get out of bed! Breakfast is ready!” Tommi’s voice echoed loud through the apartment, making Jack groan. Jonne however merely smiled and pushed down the comforter.

Tommi returned to the kitchen and checked if everything was still okay. The coffee maker was on, Jonne’s tea was brewing, the eggs were boiling, and the toast hopped out of the toaster. Best of all was the fact that the newspaper was on the kitchen table as well. Tommi poured himself some coffee and grabbed hold of some toast. Unfolding the newspaper, he raised his feet onto the neighboring chair and started reading. He couldn’t remember the last time he had allowed himself the time and luxury to do so.

Ville was the first to walk into the kitchen with his eyes still half closed as his feet dragged over the floor. “Have mercy on me… It’s only nine!” What had possessed Tommi to throw them out of bed so early? “Coffee?” he asked, trying to locate the coffee maker in his sleepwalking state.

“Sit down,” Tommi ordered while reaching for Ville’s mug and pouring the coffee into it. “And wake up!” Playfully he ruffled Ville’s long, already messy hair.

“Don’t do that!” Ville swept Tommi’s hand away and dedicated himself to his coffee. After a few sips, he managed to open his eyes fully. “I’m so glad I no longer have to go to school in the morning.” He had fought Jonne and Tommi because he had wanted to continue sleeping instead of going to school.

“Me too,” Tommi quipped, remembering pulling the comforter off of Ville in the past just to get his younger brother to finally ready himself for school.

“Hei,” Jack mumbled, as he entered the kitchen. He still felt a little out of place, but Jonne, who was walking beside him, rubbed his cheek against his shoulder and made him relax. Jonne had actually been the one wanting to get out of bed to have breakfast. Jack would have preferred to turn around and get some more sleep.

“Huomenta,” Tommi replied in greeting and put away the newspaper. “Coffee or tea?” he asked Jack.

“Coffee, definitely.” Jack sat down next to Ville and yawned. “This is way too early for someone to get up.” Ville gave him a blinding smile, which confused him.

“Ah, finally someone who agrees with me!” Ville quipped triumphantly.

Jonne chuckled and nursed his cup of hot tea. Seeing the jar of honey, he put some in it.

“Don’t forget these…” Jack reached for his bag, which stood in the corner of the kitchen, and uncovered Jonne’s meds. He removed two tablets from the blister package and placed them next to Jonne’s plate. “But you should eat something first.”

Jonne reached for the toast, put some marmalade on it and started to eat. He felt happy all around with being surrounded by the people he loved so much, but then reality hit as he watched Tommi. “Aren’t you going to be late for work?” He took hold of the bottled water and drank some to swallow his medication.

Tommi shook his head. “I took some days off.”

Both Ville and Jonne looked at Tommi in surprise. “You did what?” Ville’s eyes widened. “You never take off time from work!”

“Then it’s about time I did!” Tommi sipped his coffee and grinned. “Seems the two of you are stuck with me for the next few days.” Ville groaned, but Tommi caught the pleased look in his brother’s eyes. Ville was happy to have him around, he knew that.

Jack had managed to empty his first cup of coffee for the day and now craved a cigarette. “I’ll be right back,” he said while rising from the chair and taking his bag with him. Looking about, he located the balcony he had seen the day before and stepped outside. Wah, not a good idea! It was way too cold out there! Quickly, he lit his cigarette and exhaled the smoke. He had practically stopped smoking since meeting Jonne. This was his second cigarette in four days!

“It’s cold out here.”

Jack turned and found that Tommi had joined him, offering him a jacket. “Kiitos,” Jack answered as he realized that he was only wearing his boxers. Putting it on, he watched the smoke drift off.

“I want to thank you for what you did, Jack.” Tommi studied the other man and tried to judge Jack’s character. From what he had seen so far, Japa was someone whom he would like Jonne to be with.

Jack shrugged. “Anyone would have done the same.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” Tommi grinned at the distant look in Jack’s eyes. “Jonne gets to each and every one of us eventually. It’s the way he fixes you with his gaze.”

Jack sighed and extinguished his cigarette. “You’re right about that look. It gets to me every time.”

“What I’m trying to say in this awkward way of mine is that… I love my brother and I want him to be happy. And I think he’s happy, even in spite of being exhausted right now, because you’re here with us.” There, he had said it! He was curious as to how Jack would react. Jack actually blushed, to Tommi’s amusement. He hadn’t thought of the other man as shy!

“I like him too,” Jack mouthed, his voice just above a whisper. Feeling awkward, he directed his gaze into the distance. Somewhere out there was Christus’ apartment and he really had to talk to his friend. He had to make sure there were no more drugs around. “I have to talk to Chris in a bit. You’ll keep an eye on Jonne?”

Tommi nodded. “I don’t think you need to worry much about him. When I left the kitchen, Jonne was practically asleep again, his head resting on the kitchen table. Ville offered to take him back to bed.”

“Let him sleep,” Jack suggested and lit his second cigarette. He had missed smoking! “It’s good for him.”

“We will.” Tommi wasn’t sure why he had come out there and wanted to go back inside when he turned and said, “Don’t hurt him. Please don’t.”

Jack’s eyes grew big in surprise. What had made Tommi say that? Past occurrences? “I won’t. I’m not like that.”

Tommi nodded. “I really hope so.” He then turned around and went back inside.

~~~

Jack grinned menacingly. It was payback time. Pressing the doorbell repeatedly, he could just picture Christus sitting up in bed and trying to get to his feet. “Chris! I know you’re home! Open the fucking door!” He wasn’t even sure Christus was at home, but where else could the guy be? Lots of places, he remarked silently, but he still hoped he was getting on his friend’s nerves. “You woke me up with that phone call of yours!” he yelled at the top of his lungs and his voice carried *far*. Some neighbors called down to him to shut up, so instead of shouting, Jack pressed the doorbell again and again.

“Shut the fuck up!” The door opened and a sleepy Christus wearing only his favorite Barbie girl underwear stood in front of him.

“Love you too,” Jack quipped and pecked his best friend on the cheek. “Now let me in.”

“Why should I?” Christus had finally managed to open his eyes. He had actually stumbled on his way to the front door and had opened it not because he wanted to let Jack in, but because then the fucking noise would stop!

“Because you love me!” Jack simply shoved Christus aside and entered. “And because you’re curious.”

Christus closed the door and sighed. Jack was way too awake and chipper at eleven in the morning! It was still the dead of night! Not bothering to get dressed or actually pick up his feet, he followed Jack into the kitchen, where he sat down and smoked his first cigarette of the day. “Curious?” he merely echoed Jack’s last word, not really understanding what he was saying.

“Or don’t you want to know about Jonne?” Jack had switched on the coffee maker, and was waiting for Chris to realize what he had said. It took Christus exactly three seconds to focus.

“Jonne? Tell me!” He had considered giving Jonne a call the other day, but had then reconsidered, suspecting the brothers wanted some peace and quiet. Thankfully, he sipped the coffee which Jack placed in front of him and took in his friend’s appearance for the first time. He was surprised at what he saw. He had suspected Jack to be moody and tired after his ordeal with Jonne, but his friend looked radiant. There was no other word to describe the expression in those blues. “Tell me what happened!”

Jack sat down, sipped his coffee, and told Christus about the trip. He noticed the crestfallen look in the green eyes and when he had reached the last bit of his story, he tried to be as positive about it as he could. “So something good came out of it after all. Tommi cancelled some gigs and Jonne finally gets his chance to recover.” Jack placed his hand on top of Chris’ and squeezed it.

Christus felt miserable. “I should have told him no.”

Jack knew what his friend was referring to. “Did you throw everything away?” He looked about, wondering if he should search the place just be sure.

“I threw it all out,” Christus answered and nibbled on his bottom lip. “Not sure how long it will remain that way though. You know me.”

Jack nodded. He knew Christus had problems with several chemical substances and he had learned to deal with that. “Live in the moment, remember? We don’t know what the future will bring. Maybe, this time around, it’ll bring something good.”

“One can hope,” Christus mumbled and lit another cigarette. It was time to switch subjects and get away from the drugs. “So, you didn’t bite off Jonne’s head the first time you met him?” Surprised, Christus watched as a blush settled on his friend’s face. “Japa?”

“I didn’t…” Jack really didn’t want to discuss this yet. He still wasn’t sure about his feelings.

Christus grinned. “Don’t tell me you actually like ‘the blond bimbo’?” he asked, quoting Jack and using it against his friend.

Jack’s blush deepened. “I shouldn’t have called him that, I guess.” Staring into his mug, he found it empty and used it as an excuse to get up and turn his back to Christus, pretending he was busy filling up his mug again.

Christus, fully awake by that time and grinning like hell, enjoyed his little game. “You like Jonne!”

“I might…” Jack didn’t turn around yet. He just couldn’t look Chris in the eye for some reason.

Christus nodded. “You like him…a lot?”

Jack sighed. “I don’t want to discuss him, okay?”

“Not okay.” Christus got his feet, walked over to Jack, and turned him around by his shoulder. “Tell me, Jack. How much do you like Jonne?” The fact that Japa refused to meet his gaze told him everything that he needed to know. “How much, Japa?”

“Stop it, Chris.” Jack knew he couldn’t take the risk of looking his friend in the eye. Christus knew him too well and would realize the truth at once.

“Tell me!” Christus refused to give in. “Tell me, tell me, tell me! What happened? Does Jonne…like you too?” He wiggled an eyebrow, which Jack didn’t see since the guitarist was still studying the kitchen tiles. Getting fed up and impatient, Christus placed a finger beneath Jack’s chin and lifted. “Don’t close your eyes because that’s cheating!”

Jack couldn’t refrain from grinning. Christus was quite something. He was the only person he didn’t feel shy around and for some reason, Christus always knew what was going on with him. “I’m not telling you a damn thing.”

Christus’ grin turn amused. “Are you so sure about that? I’ll find out, you know.” Flexing his fingers, he prepared to interrogate Jack. “You can still tell me voluntarily.”

Jack’s eyes opened abruptly as he realized what Christus was up to. “Ei!” he screamed at Christus, but his protest came too late. The other guitarist had already snuck his cold fingers inside his shirt and was tickling his sides. “Not…fair!” Jack managed in-between bouts of hysterical laughter. “Let…me…go!” But Christus showed no mercy and Jack ended up sprawled on the kitchen floor with the older man straddling him and tickling him.

“Tell me, Japa, and I’ll stop. Just how much do you like Jonne?” He leaned in closer and grinned again. ”Are you in love?” He hoped so. He really, really hoped so.

“Yeah,” Jack managed eventually, unable to withstand the tickling any longer. “Now stop!”

“Not yet.” Christus wanted more information. “And what about Jonne? Does he feel the same way about you?” He knew Jonne well and had long realized that the blond was very bad at hiding his feelings. It all showed in the eyes. Only people who didn’t want to see how Jonne was doing missed the clues and Christus knew Jack was bright enough to catch the signs. “Tell me!”

“I think so! We kissed!” All thoughts of resistance had fled. Jack just wanted Christus to stop torturing him.

Christus finally had mercy on his friend and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He didn’t get up though and continued to straddle Jack’s waist. The blue eyes finally opened and fixed their gaze on him. “Anteeksi, Japa,” Christus said and gave his best friend a kiss on the lips. “But you know better than to expect me to be fair.”

Jack pouted, or at least he tried to look like he was pouting. “That was mean!”

“Maybe,” Christus agreed and finally got to his feet. Extending his hand, he offered to pull Jack to his feet. Jack stared at his hand for a minute, then took it. Christus patted Jack on his back and smiled at his friend. “That’s great, isn’t it? It’s been a while since you had a crush on someone and Jonne… Well, I told you that he’s nice… Very nice.”

Jack wasn’t sure how to reply to that. It was true. The last time that he had *thought* that he was in love had been two years ago. He didn’t count any one-night stands he might have had throughout the years. He loved them for one night and then it was over. Those he could count on one hand as well. Christus always called him a fool not to use the fact that they were ‘rock stars’ to his advantage, but sleeping around just wasn’t Jack’s style.

Leading Jack back to the kitchen table, Christus sat down and offered his friend a smoke, which Japa accepted. Smoking, the two men looked at each other. In the end, it was Christus who broke the comfortable silence between them. “I always told you she was no good for you.”

Jack nodded. His last girlfriend had cheated on him. Not once, but on several occasions. Later on, she had told him that she had done so to finally get his attention because she had felt neglected. It was the curse of being on the road that much, Jack knew that. It was hard to make a relationship work and the same would be true for Jonne, who must have faced similar problems. “Do you think Jonne and I...that we might work? Do we stand a chance?”

“You’re asking me?” Christus laughed with a bitter undertone. “I don’t know how to make a relationship work, you know that!”

Jack tried again. “But you know Jonne very well and you know me! Do you think we…?”

Christus gave the question some serious thought. In the end, he nodded. “The two of you are not *that* different. It might work.”

Jack blinked. “I think we’re very different!”

“You’re not and you’ll find out in time.” Christus grinned at his friend. “I wish the two of you the best of luck…and lots of fun.”

Part 6

Not different – very much the same

Jack nervously looked away when Ville opened the door. “I hope you don’t mind, but Christus refused to stay at home. He wants to check on Jonne.” Christus stood behind him and smiled winningly at Ville as Jack sighed. He had tried to stop Christus from coming along, telling him that Jonne would probably sleep most of the time, but his friend had been resolute and had tagged along.

Ville smiled and then shook his head. “I don’t mind. You’re both welcome!” He stepped aside and let them enter. “Jonne’s in his room. You know the way, don’t you, Chris?”

Christus nodded and headed for Jonne’s bedroom. Grinning, he stalked toward the bed, doing his best not to wake Jonne yet. The blond was hidden beneath his comforter and some teddy bears which had made their way into the bed. Christus carefully lay down on his side and continued to grin at Jonne. The singer could wake up as far as he was concerned. But Jonne didn’t and continued to sleep. After some minutes, Christus became impatient and raised his hand. Teasingly, he stroked along the arch of Jonne’s ear. That had always ensured Jonne would wake up in the past and he counted on it to work again.

Jonne shivered and his eyes opened with a start. “Don’t!” He hated having his ears touched like that when he was asleep. Looking at Christus’ grinning face, he frowned. “Why are you in my bed and where’s Jack?”

Christus moved closer and kissed Jonne on the lips. “Hello to you too.”

Jonne smiled at his friend and then cuffed him on the head.

“Don’t do that!”

“Payback for waking me like that. You know how much I hate that!” Jonne pressed deeper into the mattress and pulled the comforter closer. “What did you do to Jack? Where is he?”

“In the kitchen, I think,” Christus replied, seeming to remember that Japa had headed in that direction. “I talked him into letting me tag along. I wanted to see you.”

“Don’t feel guilty,” Jonne said while stroking black strands away from his friend’s face. “I made a mistake. I messed up.”

“Keep clear of stuff like that in the future,” Christus pleaded. “Those pills messed me up so bad and I don’t want you…” He swallowed nervously and then asked, “How bad did it get?”

“I was coughing blood apparently. I don’t remember that much, but Jack told me. I took too many pills. You told me two, but I took more than that.” Guiltily, Jonne averted his gaze.

“Just promise me you won’t do something like that again.” Christus sighed. He should have known better than to give Jonne those pills.

“Don’t worry. I learned my lesson. I have been sleeping for the last three days. I can’t remember ever having been this tired.” Another yawn proved Jonne’s words.

“And I woke you,” Christus responded guiltily.

“I need to get up at any rate… Bathroom,” Jonne explained. “It’s the only reason why I’m allowed out of bed. Not that I mind,” Jonne added and grinned. “Yesterday, they carried me.”

Christus shook his head, amazed at the way Jonne was taking this situation in stride. Instead of wallowing in self-pity or being moody, the singer seemed to enjoy the attention he was getting. “Who did?”

“Tommi and then later Jack.” Jonne’s smile grew even brighter. “You never told me that Jack is so nice. If I had known, I wouldn’t have let you hog him all the time!” Jonne cuffed Christus in his side.

“Stop doing that! You’re giving me bruises!” Christus rubbed his side, but grinned at the same time. “Japa likes you too.” Christus wished he had his sunglasses on because the million watt smile Jonne gave him was blinding.

“He told you that?”

“He did.” Christus nodded. “Hey, didn’t you want to go to the bathroom?”

Jonne blinked. “You’re right, I should.”

“Can you manage on your own?” Christus asked as he saw how wobbly Jonne was when he sat upright and then took his first step.

“It’s only across my room. I can manage.” Jonne bit his bottom lip in concentration. The floor was moving about disturbingly and Jonne had to steady himself by placing a hand against the wall the moment he entered the corridor.

“What are you doing out of bed?”

Jonne cringed. “You said I could go to the bathroom, Tommi.”

Tommi crossed the distance to Jonne and studied his brother’s eyes. “I’ll help you.”

Jonne’s first reaction was to protest and tell Tommi that he wasn’t a baby or an invalid and that he could do this on his own, but then again… It was nice being pampered. “Okay,” he agreed in the end. Tommi put his arm around him and together they made their way into the bathroom. Tommi wanted to accompany him inside, but that was where Jonne drew the line and kicked him out.

Jack leaned against the doorway and grinned at Tommi. “It looks like he can be quite stubborn or am I wrong?”

Christus heard Jonne and Tommi talk and joined them in the corridor. “Very stubborn.” Waving at them, he headed for the door. “I’ll call later.” He didn’t want to intrude any longer now that he knew that Jonne was going to be fine, so he left.

~~~

With a look full of longing, Jonne stared at the bathtub. He should be getting back to bed, knowing that Tommi was probably waiting outside and ready to come in should he take too long, but it had been days since he had last showered. Itching to clean himself up, Jonne considered his options. If he played this right, everything might work out to his advantage. Walking over to the door, he opened it and found Tommi standing there.

“Are you done? Let’s get you back in bed then!” Tommi was about to wrap an arm around his brother’s waist when he caught sight of the gleam in Jonne’s eyes. Something was up, but what?

“Tommi? Can I take a bath? It’s been days since I had the chance to clean up! Please? I’ll feel better afterwards and will give you no trouble all evening!” Tilting his head, Jonne looked at his brother pleadingly.

Jack watched from some distance and was glad that look wasn’t aimed at him. He wondered if Tommi had become immune to it throughout the years.

“Jonne,” Tommi started, fully intending to get his brother back into bed, but then he realized a bath might relax Jonne further. It *was* a good idea, so he nodded. “I’ll help you into it.” He stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. After putting down the toilet seat cover, he told Jonne to sit and his brother immediately did as he was told. It showed just how much Jonne wanted that bath.

Tommi turned on the tap and let the tub fill. Then he added some bath oil and made sure the shampoo and conditioner were within Jonne’s reach.

Jonne was getting excited. He was really looking forward to ridding himself of the sweat that had accumulated on his body the last few days. “I love you, Tommi,” he declared while chuckling happily. He removed his shirt and boxers and got to his feet again. “I can handle the rest.”

“I’m leaving *after* you’re in the bathtub. I don’t want you to slip accidentally and hit that thick head of yours!” Tommi wrapped an arm around Jonne, helped him into the tub and then lowered him into the water. “Call me when you’re done. Don’t get out on your own, or…” He didn’t finish the sentence on purpose so that Jonne knew he would be in trouble if he went against his wishes.

“I’ll call,” Jonne promised as he relaxed in the water. Resting his head against the foam pillow, he closed his eyes and sighed. This was heaven!

“Enjoy your bath,” Tommi said and left the door ajar just in case something happened. He went back into the kitchen where he found Jack sitting at the table, enjoying coffee. “Where’s Ville?”

“There was a call. He had to leave, but said he would be back within the hour.” Jack wondered what the hell he was supposed to do. He felt useless. During their trip, Jonne had needed him and Jack had to admit that he had liked being needed, but now the singer had his brothers to help him.

“Where’s Chris?” Tommi asked as he checked the contents of the kitchen cupboards. It was almost time for dinner and he wanted Jonne to eat a warm meal.

“He went back home. He was worried sick about Jonne. You know what he’s like.”

Tommi nodded. “They’re good friends.” He sighed. “Why is there no food in the house?”

“Order some pizza,” Jack suggested.

Tommi shook his head. “No junk food while Jonne is not well.”

“Then make some pizza yourself. It’s more work, but also healthier.”

Tommi was about to dismiss the idea, but then reconsidered. When Jonne and Ville had been much younger they had done that. “I’m going to get some groceries. Jonne is taking a bath. Keep an eye on him for me, please?”

Jack nodded. “Sure, no problem.” If Jonne was anything like him, the blond wouldn’t get out of the water until it was cold. Jack loved a good, hot bath.

“I’ll hurry!” Tommi promised as he grabbed his coat and keys. “I’ll be right back!” He closed the door behind him and Jack returned to staring at the contents of his coffee cup. So much had happened the last week and Jack needed time to make sense of everything.

~~~

“Tommi? I’m done! You asked me to call you, so get in here! The water is freezing cold!” Jonne was tempted to get out on his own, but he’d had dealings with bathtubs in the past and slipping and falling on his butt, which was something he could do without right at the moment. His limbs also felt heavy and the water was making it hard for him to get up. “Tommi!” Grinning because his voice seemed to be improving, he knew Tommi must have heard that even if he were in the kitchen.

“Tommi went to the supermarket,” Jack said as he peeked around the door. “I don’t know when he’ll be back.” He swallowed hard. Jonne presented a sexy sight among the bubbles of foam and Jack thought he even saw a red duck float on the water.

Jonne grinned. “Can you give me a hand and get me out? I’m tired.” Jonne liked the idea of Jack helping him instead of Tommi. It would be interesting to see if the older man would turn shy again.

Jack considered the request. “Maybe you should wait for Tommi or Ville to come back.” He had just realized that Jonne was naked beneath all that foam and yes, he *did* feel shy around the blond since he had discovered the attraction. He should feel confident and cocky instead, but he didn’t.

“Come on, Jack! I’ve got nothing you haven’t seen before…” Jonne gave Jack a dirty smile.

There was that wicked side again and Jack felt unable to deny the singer, so he went inside and searched for some large towels.

“Over there,” Jonne said, pointing him in the right direction. Oh, he felt *very* tired all of sudden. That meant Jack would have to carry him again. Jonne grinned contentedly. Jack didn’t have to know that he felt stronger.

Jack collected three towels and then proceeded to wrap one of them around Jonne’s hair, which was dripping wet. “Can you get to your feet yourself?” He was going to get wet all over!

Jonne smiled cheekily. “I need help.” He raised his arms and waited for Jack to pull him to his feet. Oh, he was going to take advantage of the situation they were in!

Sighing, Jack took hold of Jonne’s hands and pulled him to his feet. He then put Jonne’s arms around his neck and cringed as the water dripped down his shirt. It was cold and wet and Jack didn’t like being cold and wet.

Jonne resisted temptation and didn’t rest his upper body against Jack’s chest. He knew he was dripping wet. He sighed when Jack started to dry his skin and had to stop himself from purring, knowing it would give him away. “You seem to have some experience in these matters,” he remarked, puzzled because Jack was so organized. One towel went around his waist and the other across his shoulders.

“I sometimes looked after Chris when he wasn’t feeling well,” Jack explained. He didn’t have to give Jonne any details. The blond knew about Christus’ past problems. He guided Jonne’s arms back down his torso and realized just how close they were. “Jonne…”

Jonne placed a finger against Jack’s lips, tilted his head, smiled, and then removed the finger again when Jack no longer seemed to be trying to say something. Leaning in closer, he pressed his lips onto Jack’s. Jonne closed his eyes and let his tongue press against Jack’s lips, asking for entrance. That morning Jack had tasted him and now Jonne wanted to do the same thing. “Open up,” he whispered against Jack’s lips, which instantly parted and allowed him to probe deeper. Jack’s hand settled at the nape of his neck and started to stroke the sensitive skin there and the caress made Jonne purr into the older man’s mouth.

“Jonne, I know I should have…” Tommi stood in the doorway to check on his younger brother when he caught sight of them kissing. “Oh, bad timing…” Grinning, he stepped into the corridor again.

Jack pulled back, ending the kiss. “Tommi…” he called and tilted his head in the direction of the doorway.

Jonne smiled lazily. “Tommi has seen me make out before.” But he understood that Tommi watching them – even by accident – made Jack uncomfortable, however the kiss had been worth it. “Tommi?” Jonne called out to his brother. “Would you get me some clothes?”

Tommi went into Jonne’s bedroom and got his brother some boxers and a baggy shirt. “Is this okay?” he asked as he walked up to them. Looking at Jonne closely, he saw the mischievous glint in his brother’s eyes. Jonne was feeling way better than he was letting on, but Tommi was letting him get away it, knowing Jonne was far from recovered from his recent ordeal. Jonne might be able to stand and walk a few steps unaided, but Tommi reckoned that was as far as his younger brother would get without support.

Jonne took hold of them and managed to slip into the boxers and shirt. Jack kept an arm around him, just in case he might lose his balance and Jonne loved him even more for it. “Now what? I’m not going back to bed!” His rebellious streak surfaced.

“You said you wouldn’t cause any problems if I let you take that bath,” Tommi reminded him, but he was also thinking one step ahead.

“Tommi? I don’t want to go back to bed… I want to be close to you too.” It was true: Jonne craved some company.

“You need to take your meds at any rate,” Tommi replied, having studied the information on the box. “You can come into the kitchen with us.” Jonne’s eyes lit up with joy and Tommi smiled.

The three of them made their way into the kitchen where they found Ville staring intently at the grocery bags on the counter. “Ah, you’re back,” Tommi stated. “Good, you can help.”

“Sit down,” Jack whispered and made sure Jonne sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. He then sat down next to him.

“What did you buy?” Curious, Ville started to remove things from the bags.

“We’re making pizza,” Tommi announced. Ville squealed with joy and Jonne chuckled. Addressing Jack, he added, “It’s become a family tradition.”

“Can I make the dough?” Ville was already working his way through the instructions on the package.

Tommi nodded. “Jack, can you slice these?” He handed the guitarist tomatoes, green and red peppers, olives, and a tin filled with pineapple slices. “Jonne can do the decorating later,” he said as he caught sight of Jonne’s disappointed look at being left out.

Jack sliced the vegetables while Ville fought the dough. Tommi switched on the oven and set the table. Jonne enjoyed the comfortable get-together and smiled. When it was his turn to ‘work’, Jonne started to spread the vegetables across the dough and, while grinning at Jack, placed the pine apple chunks in the form of a heart.

Tommi and Ville exchanged looks at that and both noticed the way Jack blushed. Jonne however continued until he had made a nicely heart-shaped pizza.

~~~

They were in the midst of eating their pizza comfortably seated in the living room when the door bell rang. “Ignore it,” Tommi ordered and continued to eat.

“There’s light on so we know you’re there! Open up!” Antti, Nakki, and Jay glanced at each other conspiratorially. They weren’t going to leave that easily!

Jonne was resting comfortably on the couch tucked away beneath his comforter and grinned. “I’m not allowed to get up. Someone else has to answer the door.”

“You’re enjoying this a bit too much,” Tommi remarked as he put his plate away and got up from his chair. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Oh, I will,” Jonne said sweetly. He put his empty plate on the floor and sighed. He loved pizza and had eaten more than he normally would. Moving about on the couch, he ended up resting against Jack, who was still busy eating his slice. Jonne pulled the comforter up to his shoulders, closed his eyes, and enjoyed having Jack close. Memories of the kiss which they had shared in the bathroom made him feel tingly all over. Resting his chin against Jack’s shoulder, he studied the guitarist.

“I can’t eat like this,” Japa stated as he grew aware of Jonne’s probing look.

“I’m still hungry. You can feed me,” Jonne whispered and batted his eyelashes.

“Ei, that slice is mine!” Jack bit off a chunk and quickly chewed. He got help in the form of the three Negative band members that entered the living room.

“Jonne!” Antti was the first to make his way over to the couch. “Larry told us something was wrong!” He directed a dirty look at Tommi. “Our manager didn’t deem it necessary to tell us that you’re ill!”

“Your manager is on a break,” Tommi half growled. “And I wanted to call you, but… Well, we were busy taking care of Jonne.”

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Nakki sat down on the end of the couch and stroked Jonne’s hair. “You look tired.”

“I slept a lot these last few days.” Jonne smiled reassuringly at Nakki.

“Stress, too much work, and no breaks that’s what has happened, isn’t it?” Jay remarked as he sat down next to Ville.

“You’re right,” Tommi admitted. “I pushed him too hard.”

“And that’s why our gigs were cancelled?” Antti asked.

Tommi nodded. “The doctor says he needs rest and he’s not performing until he’s fit again.” Jonne gave him a look which was a mixture of gratitude and pride.

“Hey, you’re having pizza and you didn’t tell us?” Antti had discovered the last slice on the plate on the coffee table.

Jonne let his fingers slide into Antti’s dreads and rubbed one between his fingertips. “I’m sorry we had to cancel those gigs.”

Antti shook his head. “It’s okay. Your health is more important than some gig.” Nakki and Jay nodded in agreement.

Tommi was grateful that the band was so loyal towards each other. “You know what? I’m going to order pizza for you guys.”

“And one serving of lasagna please,” Jack quipped. Seeing Jonne’s surprise, he added, “I’m still hungry!”

“And one serving of lasagna,” Tommi added, relieved that everything was turning out so well.

~~~

“Did he really fall asleep with of all the noise we’re making?” Antti raised an eyebrow. They had stared to jam and Ville, Nakki, and Jack had taken to playing Jonne and Ville’s acoustic guitars. Ville and even Tommi were singing along and still Jonne had managed to fall asleep.

“He’s exhausted,” Jack supplied while putting his guitar away. “And would be way more comfortable in bed.”

Antti, Nakki, and Jay took that as their cue to leave. A look at the clock showed that it was only midnight, but they realized that Jonne needed the rest. “We’ll call you guys sometime tomorrow,” Antti said as he waved goodbye.

Tommi closed the door behind them and returned to the living room, which had become quite a mess. Empty pizza boxes and left over potato chips bags lay everywhere. Tommi started to clean up. It had been their first alcohol free evening in a very long time. Although Antti, Nakki, and Jay had protested at first because there was no alcohol, seeing Ville shift uncomfortably on his chair had made them aware *why* there was no alcohol and they had drunk their cola and coffee instead.

Just when Jack moved to carry Jonne into his bedroom, the blond opened his eyes. Yawning and rubbing at his eyes, Jonne looked about. “Are they gone?”

“They left,” Jack confirmed. “And it’s time for you to go to bed.”

Jonne didn’t bother protesting since he had trouble keeping his eyes open. He just hoped that he would stop feeling so damn tired all the time. He did little else but sleep and eat these days. Suddenly Jack lifted him and Jonne rested his head against the older man’s chest. He could get used to being carried around all the time.

A minute later, Jack lowered him onto the bed and he sighed gratefully. His bed was way more comfortable than that couch in the living room. Expecting Jack to join him, he was forced to open his eyes when he heard Jack move away from the bed. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom,” Jack explained. “I’ll join you in a few minutes.”

“Don’t take too long – miss you…” Jonne closed his eyes, snuggled up to his pillow, and started to doze off again.

Jack joined Tommi and Ville, who were cleaning up the living room. “Can I help?”

“We’re almost done, but thanks.” Tommi stuffed the last pizza box in the trash and then turned around. “You’re staying the night, I guess?”

Jack suddenly didn’t feel that confident anymore. “If that’s okay with you?”

“Sure, it is.” Tommi smoothed his hair back and said, “Feel at home here, Japa. I have the feeling you’ll be with us for quite some time.”

Ville grinned as Jack blushed. He liked the older man and felt Jonne had made the right decision by letting down his guard. He really hoped the two of them would end up happy.

~~~

Jack removed his clothes, except for his black boxers and slipped into bed next to Jonne. He had to move closer to the blond since Jonne had cocooned himself in the comforter. “Hey, let me in!” He spooned up behind Jonne and tried to get under the comforter as well.

Jonne sighed contentedly as a warm body supplied him with heat and he willingly shared his comforter. He pressed his backside against Jack and then moved as close as possible. “You’re… warm…that’s nice,” he whispered, still half asleep.

Jack’s breath caught the moment Jonne pressed so close. He hugged the blond and pressed a kiss against Jonne’s neck. “Go back to sleep.”

With his eyes still closed because he was too lazy to open them, Jonne smiled. “Japa, you’ll stay, won’t you? And not just until the morning.”

Jack drew his breath in sharply, knowing exactly what Jonne was asking him. “That’s a big promise to make. We’ve only known each for a week.”

Jonne turned in the embrace and rested his head on Jack’s upper arm. Raising his head, he searched Japa’s eyes. “I have the feeling you already know the answer to that question.”

“Maybe,” Jack replied and stroked Jonne’s hair. “How about you answer the question? Do you want me to stay?”

Jonne nodded. “Of course I do! But you know that.”

“Chris thinks we’ll work out.”

“Chris is smart,” Jonne said and grinned. “We will make this work, won’t we, Japa?”

Jack nodded. “Yes, I think we will.” Leaning in closer, he took Jonne’s lips in a kiss, which he deepened. Both were aware of the promises the kiss held for their future. They were determined to make this work.

The end