So Dream while Secrets of Darkness Unfold.

Part 4

Hush - lay down your troubled mind
The day has vanished and left us behind
And the wind - whispering soft lullabies
Will soothe - so close your weary eyes

Let your arms enfold us
Through the dark of night
Will your angels hold us
Till we see the light

Sleep - angels will watch over you
And soon beautiful dreams will come true
Can you feel spirits embracing your soul
So dream while secrets of darkness unfold

Lyrics and music by Secret Garden

Where am I? I can't see a thing in this darkness. It almost looks like I'm in a tunnel, but what am I doing here? Maybe I should head for the end... There's a light in the distance.

The last thing I remember is accepting Remy's challenge and falling in to his mind. Of course! That's what happened. I'm inside his mind now, but why is it so dark? He said I would commit terrible crimes and that I would ruin his life. I wonder what he meant by that.

There are voices in the distance and I recognize that accent. It's Remy. I better hurry.

What? Oh my God, no! What's that horrible creature doing to Remy? Remy can't move strapped to that exam table. The medical equipment looks strangely familiar. It reminds me of the ones Apocalypse gave me. I still can't believe that bastard tricked me in to believing him! En Sabah Nur was just an illusion.

Can I help Remy? I'm not sure. Oh no... Part of his hair has been shaved off and the stranger is performing surgery on Remy. And come to think of it... That stranger looks familiar as well. The hair... those features... No, it can't be! Is this what I will become?

Damn this darkness, now the operating theatre is gone and I'm in a recovery room. Remy's in the bed, asleep. Should I wake him? Will he recognize me or know what I'm doing in his mind? The door opens, I better hide in the shadows and watch what happens next. As a spectator, there's nothing I can do to help him.

"LeBeau, wake up, I know you can hear me." Sinister walked over to the bed, checked his patient's readings and shook the Cajun's shoulders.

Remy startled awake and a scream died on his lips. "Sinister..." Briefly Remy felt completely disorientated.

Sinister... Remy called him Sinister! I was right! This is what I became in Remy's dimension. I don't like the cold and distant look in his red eyes, but they do remind me of Remy's. Sinister doesn't care about his patient; it's in his eyes, his manners. There's no compassion.

"I performed brain surgery on you," said Sinister. " You should be able to control your powers. Now you owe me."

"What... do you want?" Remy was still weak from surgery, but tried to keep his wits about him.

"You'll gather certain... professionals for me. I will give you their names. In future, they will be known as the Marauders."

Marauders! Whatever doubts I had now vanished! This is what became of me. Rebecca named me Sinister and she was right...

What's happening now? The dark is back and... Oh my Lord! No! What are they doing? They are slaughtering these people... There're mutants; look at their unigue mutations. No, stop the killing! Remy, Remy, what are these memories doing in your mind? And why are you showing them to me?

Remy, there you are! But no! Who's the beast slashing open your chest? Remy, I can help! Do not die! Hold on. I fall to my knees at his side and examine the injury, which is deep and bleeding profusely. I need to get him in to safety, but my hands pass right through his body. No!

Looking up, I find that Sinister has returned. He's staring at Remy maliciously. I don't understand.

"Sabertooth, step away from our Cajun," said Sinister, smiling triumphantly.

"You... monster!" Remy managed to whisper the words, clutching his chest and thus hoping to slow down the bleeding. 'You... never... told me!"

"Don't pretend ignorance," sneered Sinister. "When I asked you to gather the Marauders, you knew you were assembling a group of killers!"

"But why?" Remy held on to consciousness a little longer, desperately needing an answer.

"They're inferior," stated Sinister coldly. "Contaminating the gene pool."

I can't believe he said that... I said that... Dear God, I no longer know what to think and how to feel about this! Remy said he would show me what monster I will become by accepting Apocalypse's offer, but I never thought I could be this cruel...

But Apocalypse took my feelings away, didn't he? That explains it. Yes, I was ruthless when conducting my experiments, but I never willingly took a life. And now I know why Remy shivered when I mentioned the Marauders... I did ruin his life.

I shouldn't look about, but I do. Everywhere's blood. A few mutants are still fighting for their lives, but the one Sinister called Sabertooth impales them with his claws, taking away the last essence of life. They're truly killers.

Please forgive me, Remy. I know now that what I did was wrong. You showed me. Sinister will never be. I will stop him. I will never accept Apocalypse as my master. You showed me enough, now have pity on me and let me return to the present.

"Sabertooth? Kill them all. Make sure no one survives," said Sinister cruelly.

"What about our Cajun thief?" Sabertooth licked his lips and then bared his teeth.

"Let him live. Knowing he had a hand in the Massacre will haunt him his entire life... I like that."

Please Remy! I learned my lesson! Take me away from this awful place.

Then leave my mind, Essex. You're the telepath.

God forgive me for the deaths I caused in your world... I won't make the same mistake twice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Essex opened his eyes again, he was back in his laboratory, clutching Remy's head between his hands. He stared into the red on black eyes and a strong emotion surfaced in his mind; regret... regret and sadness. "Please forgive me... I did not know what I was doing... I know there's no excuse, Remy, but... I'm not Sinister..."

Remy, exhausted and still aching from his injury, nodded his head slowly. "I believe you."

Reassured, Nathaniel checked the bandages. He was relieved to find that the wound hadn't opened when he had pulled Remy closer during his nightmare trip. "You should rest now."

"I'd like that," admitted Remy. "But you must remain alert. Apocalypse will be back. If he can't convince you to join him, he might resort to more drastic measures."

"I wished you could return to your own time," said Nathaniel sincerely. "This would be much easier if I didn't have to worry about you."

"I don't know how I got here," whispered Remy weakly. "But if I knew how to go back, I'd take you with me..."

Nathaniel smiled for the first time since losing his family. "Thank you, Remy." He slowly lowered the wounded Cajun back on to the bed, covered him with a blanket and stroked back damp hair. He frowned; Remy was running a fever! Hopefully there wouldn't be any other complications.

Watching Remy's eyes close, Nathaniel nodded his head. He had to find a way to keep Apocalypse away from Remy without accepting the monster's offer. Protecting Remy was now his first priority. He had lost his entire family due to his blind ambition, but he refused to lose Remy as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nathaniel remained thoughtful while tending to his patient. He removed the bandages, cleaned the wound and bandaged Remy's chest once more. Looking at the young man, he wondered about the impact Remy had had on his life so far.

If it hadn't been for Remy, he would be Mister Sinister now, serving Apocalypse, bereft of the very emotions that made him human. At this point he couldn't understand why he had ever accepted Apocalypse's offer. He thanked God for sending him this messenger who had made him see the truth.

One hour later, he woke Remy. Foggy, unfocused eyes met his and he felt Remy flinch slightly. "I'm a friend, Remy..." he said, trying to reassure his feverisch patient. "I woke you because you need to drink some water. I can't risk you getting dehydrated. Wait, I'll help you sit upright." He grabbed another pillow, pulled Remy toward him and pushed the second pillow behind Remy's back. "Better?"

"Oui, merci..." Remy's mouth and throat felt like sandpaper and he greedily swallowed the cool water.

Nathaniel realized his patient was still thirsty and he filled the glass again. "You're running a fever, but the wound isn't infected yet."

Remy nodded thankfully. "Merci... but it hurts like hell."

"I can give you something against the pain," offered Nathaniel.

"Non, don't wanna be drugged when Apocalypse makes his move. No drugs."

Nathaniel agreed reluctantly. "You really think Apocalypse will be back?"

"I'm certain." Remy briefly closed his eyes. Even the soft light in the laboratory hurt his sensitive eyes in his weakened state. "I'm surprised he let me live. Why didn't he kill me? I shudder at the thought that he has plans for me."

Nathaniel placed the glass at his patient's lips once more and urged him to sip slowly. "What worries me is that we're defenseless. We can't defeat Apocalypse."

Remy swallowed the last sip of water and nodded once. "Not even the X-Men can defeat him."

"X-Men?" Nathaniel disposed of the glass, pulled up a chair and sat down, watching Remy closely. "What are 'X-Men'?"

"A group of mutants who try to stop the likes of Apocalypse," explained Remy and his heart ached with pain. "I used to be one of them, but then they found out I helped Sinister assemble the Marauders and now they blame me for the Massacre as well." Remy managed to keep his feelings under control, although pain and guilt clawed at him. "They barely tolerate me these days."

Nathaniel gritted his teeth. "But you didn't know Sinister planned to kill them!"

"That doesn't matter," said Remy softly. "Sinister was right, you know. I knew I was assembling a group of killers. I should have known..."

"But you didn't." Nathaniel instantly disliked these X-Men. "What right do they have to judge you?"

Remy smiled gratefully. He hadn't expected Essex to understand. "When Sinister tricked me I started to hate him, but you're... you're so different from what I thought I would find. When I found you at the cemetery you were grieving, mourning... Sinister never had any feelings..."

"I'll never give up my feelings," promised Nathaniel. "You made me see how valuable they are. You were at the right time, at the right place." Suddenly, his brow grew knitted. "Do you think we changed the future?"

"I don't know," said Remy honestly. "I'm afraid to think of the implications it might have on the future."

"The mutants in the tunnels would still be alive," mentioned Essex.

"Maybe, we don't know for sure." His eyes sparkled suddenly. What would his life be like in a world where they didn't shun him for his part in the Massacre? A Massacre that never happened? Would the X-Men accept him? Would he truly be part of the team?

"What's going on in that head of yours?" said Essex jokingly, trying to break the tension that had formed in the room.

"I was imagining a life without Sinister... I can't picture it." Remy closed his eyes once more. "Sorry, mon ami, am getting tired."

"But of course. I shouldn't tire you with my questions. You need more rest. The next time you wake you should try to eat."

Remy smiled lazily. "Merci for looking after me."

Nathaniel had the impression that it was rare for Remy to have someone who looked after him. "You saved my life more than once. It's the least I can do."

"Only poppa ever took care of me," whispered a sleepy Remy.

"Poppa?" Nathaniel smiled. "You will tell me more about him when you feel better."

"I will..." promised Remy, dozing off again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During the next hours, Nathaniel tended to his patient. He fed him broth, crackers, and tea. However, the fever remained, and that worried him. Remy followed orders and ate, drank and rested at Essex' command. At times, they whispered softly and once Nathaniel realized that the light hurt Remy's eyes, he existinguished a few candles, making the light more bearable.

"I need to check the wound again," announced Nathaniel at the end of the second day.

Remy allowed the probing, flinching when Essex' fingers pressed the wound too hard. He saw the worry on Essex' brow and said, "What's wrong?"

"It isn't healing properly." Essex took a step back. "I need to disinfect it again."

"Then do it." But it hurt, and even Remy's high tolerance of pain was severely tested. Eventually he hissed in pain when the acid like disinfective burned his flesh.

Nathaniel immediately seized his ministrations. "You're in pain..."

Remy wanted to reassure Essex, but the man had already left the room and was now returning with a syringe in his hands. "No drugs," said Remy softly.

"We don't have a choice, Remy. I need you to be relaxed and while you're in pain you're tense."

"No drugs, please don't..."

"Why? Why are you so opposed to using them?" Essex frowned, suddenly realizing what the real reason might be. "Sinister?"

Remy nodded once. "After the surgery he kept me sedated for some time. Don't know why... But I hate losing control."

"I understand..." Essex stared at the syringe. "Remy, you can't take much more. I don't want you to pass out because of the pain."

"When I pass out I won't need drugs..." Remy pleadingly locked eyes with Essex.

"I'm sorry, Remy, but morphine is the only drug strong enough to make you relax. You're tense and I fear you might pull stitches if you don't relax. We can't take that risk."

Remy sighed, giving in. "I can't stop you..."

"I regret that this is the only way..." He hated seeing Remy in pain, and this was the only way to take the pain away. Gently he slipped the needle into a vein and injected the morphine. "Don't fight it..."

Remy stared at Essex. "Stay alert... Apocalypse might try to take advantage of the situation."

"Leave everything to me." Nathaniel smiled and stroked the auburn hair. The gesture seemed to soothe Remy. "Let go. Everything will be fine, I promise." Remy wanted to argue, but the morphine acted fast and Nathaniel immediately continued working on the wound.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Rogue... I'm sorry... Don't leave me! Please, I changed!"

Remy's frantic raving woke Nathaniel from the first sleep he had gotten in three days. "Remy? It's a nightmare... Wake up." He moved closer toward the bed, and once more stroked the damp hair. "Rogue? Who's Rogue?"

"I didn't know, chere. Please forgive me. I never wanted them killed! Didn't know Sinister's plans. Please don't leave me here!" Tears dripped from beneath Remy's eyelids.

Essex didn't know who 'Rogue' was, but it was obvious that this person had once abandoned Remy. And it was because of the Massacre. Remy told me they blamed him. What do I do?

He continued to stroke the auburn hair, mumbling soft reassurance. He had soothed Adam and Rebecca in this manner whenever they'd had nightmares. "Calm down, Remy. It's only a dream, it's not real. You're safe, nobody is leaving you behind."

Remy continued to plead for long minutes, but then Nathaniel's voice finally got through to him. He opened his eyes slowly and was stunned to see the concern in Essex' eyes. "I was dreaming."

"It sounded more like you were having a nightmare. Remy, who is Rogue?" Next to him, Remy grew tense. "You pleaded with her not to leave you behind. Is she one of these X-Men you mentioned?"

"Oui, she's an X-Man. I loved her once." He really didn't want to discuss this, but knew Essex well enough by now to know that the man wouldn't give in until his questions were answered.

Essex arched an eyebrow. "You no longer love her?"

Remy sighed. "She doesn't love me no more... Said I'm a traitor and I don't belong with the X-Men. Can't love someone like that."

Essex moistened his lips, realizing he was about to wage a very personal observation and question. "Your life sounds very lonely to me, Remy. Are there still people in your life you can depend on? What about this 'poppa' you mentioned?"

Remy regretted letting that one slip. "His name's Jean-Luc. He adopted me when I was li'l. I don't know who my real parents are and Jean-Luc took me, took care of me." In spite of all the dreadful things that had happened in the Velvet Ministry and later on the streets, he had enjoyed this part of his childhood; the time he had spent with Jean-Luc. He had been happy back then.

"And he's no longer in your life now?" Nathaniel wondered why he was this interested in Remy. Why was he so curious, so concerned for the younger man?

"There was an incident," mumbled Remy, "And I was banished from N'Arlings. We're still in contact, but..."

Nathaniel understood. "You miss him."

"Merde..." Remy wiped away the tears. Until that moment he hadn't realized he was crying. "Oui, I miss him, and tante... They raised me..."

The morphine had made Remy let down his guard and Nathaniel decided to use it to his advantage. "Remy, do you hate me?"

"Hate you?" Remy frowned deeply. "Non."

"Do you hate Sinister?"

"Oui, but you ain't Sinister... Are you?" Lost, Remy closed his eyes. He had warned Essex not to give him any drugs and now he was growing confused. "Don't know... Tired."

Nathaniel nodded once. "You will drink some tea and then you will rest." He regretted exhausting Remy. "Here..." He placed the tea mug against Remy's lips and waited for his patient to empty the mug. "Do you think you can go back to sleep?"

"Will try..." mumbled Remy sleepily. "Night... mares..." They disturbed his sleep, and made it impossible to truly recover. "Poppa..." When he was a child, Jean-Luc kept the nightmares at bay, but now he had no protection against them. Suddenly he was lowered back on to the bed, tucked in, and a hand gently stroked his hair. Jean-Luc used to do that as well, but Jean-Luc wasn't here, so who was...

He dozed off in the middle of trying to answer that question.

Nathaniel remained at Remy's side, stroking the soft hair and marveling about this youngster who had upended his life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Remy woke next, he found that Essex had left his side at last. He felt thankful for the moment of privacy and tried to sort out his thoughts. Merde, the morphine was still running havoc on his system. Why hadn't Essex listened to him?

Nathaniel's questions still confused him. He hated Sinister, he was sure of that, but did he hate Essex?

Ever since arriving in this century things had changed. Essex wasn't the monster he had thought the man to be. Essex had made the wrong decisions, had allowed false ambition to guide him and it had cost him dearly. He had lost his wife, son and daughter.

The answer was no. He didn't hate Essex. He felt deeply for the man.

Looking about, he wondered why Essex had left the room. Whenever he had woken up, Essex had been there, offering him water, tea or broth. He felt strangely disappointed that the other man had deserted him.

He drew in a deep breath, but his eyes widened as a stinging pain slashed through his chest. Okay, no deep breathes yet. What about getting to his feet and walking about? Eyes filled with doubt, but willing to try nonetheless, he swung his feet to the side and let them dangle above the floor.

"Mon Dieu..." The pain took his breath away and he instantly regretted moving about. What should he do now? Reconsider or go ahead and probably fall flat on his face?

"What are you doing!" Nathaniel marched in to the room, put the tray on to the floor and fussed over his patient. "I ordered bed rest. Don't make me give you more morphine..."

The threat worked and Remy co-operated. When he was lying down once more, he managed to catch his breath. "How much longer before I can walk again?"

"You're not to leave this bed for at least another three days!" Irritated, Essex shook his head. "Stay in bed or I'll sedate you."

"I understand," said Remy obediently. "But no more morphine."

"It helped you sleep... How is the pain?"

"Still there, but bearable..." His stomach suddenly growled loudly, giving him away.

"Hungry?" said Essex with a smirk.

Remy nodded. "Think so... but I didn't know. Don't know where the pain ends and the hunger starts."

"Here, I fixed you dinner." Essex placed the tray on the bed and handed Remy the soup.

"I lost all track of time," admitted Remy as he sipped the soup.

"Apocalypse injured you five days ago."

"Five?" Remy's eyes grew big.

"You slept for most of that time." Esses sat down and studied Remy. "The fever is gone completely and you should make a full recovery within the next few weeks."

"Weeks? We don't have weeks! Apocalypse..."

Nathaniel rested a hand on Remy's arm. "Let's worry about Apocalypse when he makes his move. There's no use in getting riled up now."

Remy nodded, but a deep sense of foreboding swept through them. Apocalypse would make a move shortly and this time Apocalypse might kill them both.

TBC