IN DARK PLACES part 1

MARCUS

“You do realize you will be extreme vulnerable by going in to Shitaro’s hiding place?” Delenn asks me in an emotionless tone. Considering her feelings is something she can’t give in to in her capacity as Ranger One and this situation is no exception. I know that.

“I understand the dangers involved,” I reply in a similar tone. This is the work I’ve been trained to do and I will die in the line of duty if necessary. “We live and die for the One.”

“Then let me show you the goal of this mission.” Delenn gestures me to step closer to the Bab screen. “Computer, play Shitaro one,” she instructs and waits for it to access the correct file.

Looking me in the eyes I wonder what she sees. I hope only firm determination. Ranger training is devised to flush out the weak hearted; the possible traitors and only the strong with hardly anything to live for manage to pull through. People like me.

Musing about this fact I know she’s mentally reviewing my past. I entered ranger training with the advantage of having gone through a similar experience when I joined Earthforce Intelligence, a time I hate. I seldom speak willingly about it, but she knows I’ve been assigned to dangerous missions. It’s in my file of course.

I’m willing to die for the cause and that makes me dangerous and the perfect weapon in this ugly civil war. As the computer voice breaks the silence she continues to study me, wondering if I’m truly the right man for the job.

“Alit Shitaro has command of two runaway Minbari War cruisers, the Endari and Tirima. Both crews are loyal to the Alit who is determined to aid Shay Alit Shakiri in becoming the supreme power within Minbari society. During these last 2 months the rangers received nine messages from raided ships that were forced to give up their cargo, mostly Q 40, food and weaponry. In one case he hit on an Earth Alliance vessel and after retrieving all goods Shitaro murdered the entire crew.“

Delenn stops the recording which shows a picture of the Alit. “He must be stopped,” she says and looks me in the eyes, “You will ensure he never kills again. I do not want to know how you accomplish this,” Delenn instructs, signing Shitaro’s death sentence, “Understand me, Marcus. This man must be silenced.”

“It will be done,” I promise and bow my head in respect.

“A Minbari ranger would be better suited for this mission. As a human you’ll attract unnecessary attention to your person.” Delenn clasps her hands. “You will refrain from contacting me until after you completed the mission.”

“Yes, Entil’Zha,” I quickly confirm, realizing the importance of this assignment and the huge dangers involved. My eyes search the frozen image of Shitaro’s face, the man I’m ordered to eliminate. I killed before, first on Earthforce orders, later because it was necessary within the rangers.

“Marcus.”

Delenn takes a step closer to me and closely watches the expression in my eyes. They must have turned icy cold now that I’m mentally preparing myself to carry out this death sentence.

“Be careful,” she adds in a soft tone.

Surprised to hear those words and the tone of her voice I uncomfortably shuffle my feet. I can’t deal with that expression of concern right now, as I’m about to end someone’s live.

“One more word of caution.” Delenn says at last, realizing I need all available data. “Shitaro is a… cruel man. Should you get caught in the attempt…He is ruthless.”

“I’ll use the capsule,” I state, nodding my head and my tongue exploratory touches the one tooth, which was replaced after I finished training. Biting it in to pieces will release a deadly poison that will kill me within seconds. It’s my last resort should I end up in captivity.

“I hope that won’t be necessary,” Delenn whispers as she suddenly realizes the dangers I’m about to face. “I value your life, my friend.”

“Thank you,” I say in a soft tone and blush slightly and involuntarily I take a step back to distance myself from her. Two years ago I promised myself to never let someone in again, as they will only die, leave and subsequently hurt me. They all did and I’m not prepared to deal with the pain again. “Excuse me now, Entil’Zha. I need to start preparations for this mission.”

Delenn nods saddened and a gentle expression slips in to her eyes. I leave her quarters to make all necessary arrangements for this mission.

“Delenn?” Lennier asks, stepping into the living area. He stayed in the kitchen during Marcus’ briefing and overheard the conversation.

“My heart is troubled,” Delenn admits, turning around to face her aide whose eyes are equally draped. “Both of us know he may never return from this assignment.”
“He volunteered for this mission, knowing his death might be required to see this through,” he reminds her gently.

“Only to prevent another one’s death,” Delenn realizes saddened, “He does not care for his own life.”

“But the warrior caste teaches the same principle to its members,” Lennier replies, “We, as religious caste, cannot understand the power that drives them.”

Delenn shakes her head. She can’t deny the truth in his words, but this is different. “He wants to die, Lennier. Remember the Denn’Sha challenge? He could have stopped Neroon in a different way. But no, he chose to fight him to the death,” pausing briefly she raises a hand to stop Lennier from speaking, “I, a member of the religious caste, ordered the death of fellow Minbari and humans. I am not a warrior, yet I made the decision to sent them off in to war and now I asked Marcus to stop Shitaro…”

“Marcus will return. He will pass this test,” Lennier says, trying to sound convinced, but deep within his heart he knows Marcus has a death wish and will gladly lay down his life for the One.

Plotting my new course I enter a neutral zone which is controlled by raiders. The strongest one has the best weapons and defenses and is in charge here. This is the part of space I selected to lure Shitaro in to my trap. I knew right from the start that this is a suicide mission and I accept that fact. Actually, I embrace it. I counted on Neroon to end my life months ago, but I still don’t know why he spared me. The question nags at my mind and I wish I’d a chance to ask Neroon, but the Minbari left the station while I was in a drug rush from the meds and sedatives Stephen had administered me.

But this time there is no doubt in my mind that only death lays in store for me at the end of this mission. My plan is really very simple. I’ve taken a supply ship and set course for this system, making sure it carries a load of Q 40, as Shitaro seems mostly interested in this substance.

Sitting duck I wait for Shitaro to make his move. If I read the Minbari warrior’s file correctly, Shitaro won’t wait long and will quickly move in for the kill, sending along two or three Minbari flyers ordering me to head for the war cruiser. Once onboard I’ll have to find a way to get to Shitaro, maybe by offering him inside information I’m supposedly willing to sell.

Delenn is right in one thing. As a human I’ll never get close to Shitaro unnoticed. Straightening out my ranger cloak I realize that being a ranger will come in handy. Shitaro might be easier convinced that my information is for real seeing my uniform.

But I’ll never get off the ship again. Shitaro will kill me or I’ll have to take the poison. Either way, I won’t see Babylon 5 ever again. I wish I’d been able to say good-bye to Susan and Stephen. Susan will understand, being a soldier herself, but I can hear Stephen whining, asking Delenn why she sent me out there. I sometimes wonder about him though. Off all the people I know his concern is the most real.

Leaning back in to my chair I study the long-range scanners and quickly detect the fast moving ships heading my way. Shitaro made his move. I’ve got to stay calm now and only at the very end of it I’ll try and make a run for it. But I’ve got to keep in mind though that I want to be caught!

“Come a little closer, you bastards,” I whisper, monitoring their every move, “Just a little…” The three Minbari flyers appear at port and I quickly hit the button to power up the engines. “Can’t make it too easy for you guys,” and I start an evasive manoeuvre. The flyers follow me at once and one of them opens fire.

“Careful now,” I hiss as the blast almost impacts near the rear of the vessel, “You want the Q 40. Kill me and the ships explodes.”

“Earth vessel, follow us or you will be destroyed,” comes the message over the open com channel.

“You bastards even learned Standard just to ensure the cargo doesn’t get damaged in the process!” Slowing down again I reply, “What the hell do you think you’re doing? My papers are legitimate and…”
Before I have a chance to continue the flyer fires again and this time it’s a hit. Nothing major, but I understand the warning. “Calm down, I’ll follow you.” Smiling contently I lay in a new course and suddenly notice that the long-range scanners pick up two huge vessels, Minbari war cruisers.

“Bull’s eye,” I whisper and check the data. Shitaro, prepare to die.

I dock my ship according to the instructions and wait for the Minbari to enter the vessel. First they will want to secure the cargo. But as the doors open four Minbari warriors immediately head my way, ignoring the Q 40 completely.

What the hell? I’m confused as they drag me out of the pilot’s chair. The Minbari talk to each other in the warrior caste tongue, but I can make out the basic content of the conversation. Shitaro ordered them to take me directly to his personal quarters for interrogation. Excellent, this means I’ll get a chance to get close to him!

Their grip on my arms is firm and I only try to struggle free to give them the impression that I’m being taken to the Alit against my will. My upper arms start to ache from the pressure the two Minbari guards maintain on me. As they drag me through the corridors of the war cruiser I clearly notice the grunts of loathing and seething eyes of hate surrounding me. Quickly, my tongue touches the fake tooth. I need to know I still have a way out in case this fails.

What if I fail? Delenn will have to send in someone else to pick up where I left off. Someone else might die too. I can’t allow that to happen. I’ve got to succeed. Certain of my capabilities and the knowledge that I’ll be brought before Shitaro I calm down. If only they’d loosen their hold just a little! I’m losing the feel in my arms and the sensation quickly claims my hands as well. They need to function properly if I want to end this mission successfully.

Keep in control! I tell myself and use the mantras they taught me to fight down every thought of unease. I know what to do, how to end Shitaro’s life, if only I get the chance to do so!

A door opens and I’m pushed inside. One guard places an elbow in my neck and kicks my feet away from underneath my body. I crumble to the floor, cursing the guard. Kneeling, I try looking up to take in my surroundings, but the second guard slaps me hard across my face. Lower your eyes, I privately translate the rebuke the guard snarls at me and for the first time I realize that I might not get a chance to kill Shitaro.

The guard now places his knee between my shoulder blades and grabs a long strand of hair roughly. I bite back the muffled moan that almost leaves my lips. Maybe this wasn’t the best way to approach this mission after all, I’ve got to admit, but there was no alternative at that time.

A small rush of air tells me that another door has opened. Listening to the footfalls I realize one more person has entered the room and I hope it’s Shitaro.

The pointy knee which pushes me down is becoming uncomfortable as it also places pressure on my ribs. These Minbari have no clue how strong they are compared to humans. He could kill me by merely increasing the pressure and pierce my lungs. All of a sudden I realize I’m in troubled waters. This isn’t going according to plan!

“Human.”

The word is spat in a venomous tone and I wish I could raise my head to see if the newly arrived Minbari is Shitaro or not. “Yes,” I reply, uncertain what the Minbari wants from me.

“Never address the Alit!”

The guard holding me down sneers in Minbari and forces me even closer to the floor. I pant as it gets more difficult to breathe properly. Listen and try to learn what they want from you! I admonish myself. As long as I remain calm and focussed I’m in control for a small part.

“Humans… and they dare to call themselves Anla’shok.”

Hold on, what did the guard say? Never address the Alit? So this is Shitaro all right! Pleased with that information I decide to wait for the right moment to try and sell my information. Once he’s interested in that data I can get to him.

“And they even wear our uniforms…”

I can’t see what’s going on and I hate being helpless.

Shitaro nods towards his guards.

Hands grab parts of my clothes and tear my cloak from my body. Managing to look up I freeze seeing Shitaro’s seething eyes. Hate, all he feels is hate, I realize, reading the Alit’s expression.

“Do not look at the Alit!”

Realizing I made another mistake I’m pulled back by my hair and I’m forced onto my back. Shitaro now examines the ranger pin. Let go of my hair! I scream privately, but am bounced on to my stomach and now face the floor. The guard resumes his position, pinning me down by slamming his knee in to my back and I wince silently, hearing one of my ribs snap. But I’m not ready to give up yet.

“I loathe the sight of you, human,” Shitaro continues, “I retrieved the cargo you carried…”

“I’ve got valuable information…” I manage to choke out before a guard grinds my face in to floor. Fighting for breath my lungs begin to wheeze as the broken rib makes it hard for me to draw in oxygen.

“I am not interested in information,” Shitaro spits, “You, human, need a lesson in humility. Take him to the holding cells.”

No, I scream mentally, realizing I won’t get a chance to kill the rogue Minbari. My plans have failed and now I’ll have got to pay the price. Thank God for the fake tooth!

“Wait!” Shitaro orders.

The guards pull me to my feet and involuntarily my hand clutches my stomach, tentatively examining the broken rib. My chin is raised harshly and someone forces my mouth open. They know about the tooth, I realize and immediately try biting it in to pieces. But before I get the chance to do that, a guard squeezes my nose shut and instinctively I try to breathe through my mouth instead. Flashing open my eyes I see Shitaro fingers find a way into my mouth. I clench my teeth shut, biting the Minbari, but realize with a start it’s too late. Shitaro rips the fake tooth from my jaw, leaving behind a bleeding gap.

“Now you can take him away,” Shitaro hisses amused.

Bloody hell! I curse mentally, as the guards drag me out of the room into the corridor. My feet barely touch the floor and my lungs protest every time I inhale oxygen. I screwed up! Damn, I fucked up! Fingernails dig into the back of my neck. Fight them; break free, I tell myself. If they succeed in putting me in a cell I’ll be helpless.

I kick hard, aiming my fists at the guards, but they barely notice my blows and simply brush my limbs away. It only inspires me to fight back harder. Irritated by my sudden resistance one guard lashes out and aims a punch right at my temple.

The blow impacts hard and I feel nauseous and fight down the urge to throw up. Suddenly, they push me against a wall and then step back. Through the sudden fog I hear a snarled command and then the typical sound of an activated force field. I’m inside of one their cells!

Slipping down the wall I sit down, knowing I wasted my opportunity. No, I never got a chance to kill Shitaro.

Studying my cell I find it’s a square room. There’s no furniture and no bathroom. The bright light emanating from the ceiling grows stronger and I pinch my eyes half shut. Behind the force field is a metal door and there’s no way to tell what lies behind it. At the moment I’m alone and can only guess at Shitaro’s intentions.

I wonder what he wants from me… He isn’t interested in my information; instead he yanked off my ranger cloak and pin. Perhaps I should have left my uniform behind to come here disguised as a trader. But talking in retrospect I could have done many things differently.

What about my rib? I lift the tunic and turtleneck to feel along the bone. I moan as I locate the fracture. It’s broken all right and I have no med kit handy to bandage it. I lean against the wall, as this position allows me to breathe with a minimum of pain. My head still pounds from the blow to my temple and I wish I had hidden away a second capsule on my body. Without the poison I have got to hang in here and wait for a chance to escape which I won’t get. No Minbari warrior will ever act negligent around a prisoner, enabling him to escape. And where to go? Docking bay? I wouldn’t make it there with all the Minbari hanging around in the corridors. I’ve got to face it; I’m at Shitaro’s mercy.

Delenn’s words return to me, use the capsule in case of capture as Shitaro is feared for his ruthlessness. Will he kill me slowly? Torture me? Why? He didn’t ask any questions…

A frightening thought almost makes me panic. What if Shitaro isn’t interested in my answers? My information? Is only holding me prisoner because he loathes human rangers? What if…?

What if he wants to see me suffer for no other reason than because he hates humans? A startling cold permeates my mind and body. Will he torture me to death? Resting my head on my arms I draw up my legs. My broken rib protests, but with iron will I ignore it. I’ll need all my strength. Looking at the wall I realize I will probably die in here after suffering horrible pain.

I want to die, but not in this way! I scream privately, rebelling against this fate. But I can’t stop Shitaro from whatever it is he wants to do to me… Valen, God, please help me get through to this!

“The prisoner?” Shitaro asks.

“We took him to his cell. In the end he tried to resist.” The guard looks at the floor, lowering his eyes out of respect for his Alit.

“Good, start stage one.” Shitaro walks over to the window and stares at the star speckled scenery, “Keep him isolated. The light will remain shining full force during the five next days and nights. He is to have no contact. Ignore his pleas and screams.”

“Water and nourishment?” the guard asks, slightly confused. He knows what stage one means, but this is an Anla’shok and should be treated differently. His father was a ranger and he had always respected his parent’s calling.

“Once every 24 hours he is allowed a cup of water. No food and you are not allowed to talk to him. Not even a single word. Do you understand?” Shitaro turns to face the guard and tries to remember his name… Hirano.

“I understand, Alit,” Hirano says and bows before leaving the room.

“This will be very entertaining. It has been too long since I had the pleasure of questioning a human.” Shitaro leaves his quarters as well to head to the command bridge.

In dark places part 2

MARCUS

The first few hours I sit on the floor leaning against the wall. I call upon the meditation mantras Sech Turval taught me and continue to study the exit. There has to be a way to flee this cell!

As the hours pass by I start to wonder why no Minbari appears to question me. I assumed Shitaro would send someone to find out who I am and why I had come here. If Shitaro isn't interested in acquiring that information I'm in big trouble. It's the one thing I can bargain with

for my life. My mouth grows dry and my stomach loudly growls for food. I wrap my arms tighter around my body, trying to alleviate the ache emanating from the broken rib.

The light remains bright and starts to mess up my biological clock until I can't tell how many hours have passed since they put me here. I want to bang my fists against the walls, scream my lungs out so they'll have to notice me, but instead I remain seated. No way I'll grant them victory this easily!

Thirsty I sit motionless, counting the passing seconds in my head, desperately trying to get a grip on time. I estimate between 15 to 20 hours have drifted by. I startle as heavy footfalls close in on me. Opening my eyes I realize I didn't hear the force field become de-activated. One of the guards slowly enters the cell, carrying a small bowl.

Torn between asking the guard for information and stubbornly keeping quiet I greedily accept the offered cup and relish the cool water inside. I empty it one go… and I want more. "Tell your Alit that I've got valuable information about the Anla'shok. I'll tell him everything he wants to know… in return for my life, my freedom." The guard doesn't react and I wonder whether the man understands me. "Do you understand Standard?" All the guard does is grab the empty cup from my hand and walk back to the exit. "Wait!" I exclaim as I try to get to my feet, but my broken rib hampers me in my movements.

The Minbari closes the door behind him, activating the force field again. "Don't go!" I yell angrily. But all that remains is the echo of my own voice mocking me. The water will keep me alive and I slowly pace the cell, trying to understand what kind of game Shitaro is playing.

The water will keep me alive… Maybe I shouldn't drink it anymore. It only prolongs my stay in this cell. Even death is preferable to this confinement. Solitary confinement. He wants to break me… but Shitaro also wants me to stay alive… Backing away from the door I sit down and rub my body to get warm. The temperature has dropped and it's starting to feel icy cold.

During the following hours all I can think about is finding a way to control the increasing craving for food and water, knowing at the same time that by drinking the offered water I'm doing what Shitaro wants me to. My breathing becomes heavy as the huddled position I assumed puts

unnecessary pressure on the fracture. Leaning back, I rest my head against the wall. Slowly I doze off into a cold sleep.

"Report," Shitaro says and watches Hirano's lowered eyes.

"The Anla'shok," he starts, hears Shitaro hiss and corrects the mistake, "The human accepted the water and is now asleep."

"Continue the treatment. We've got ample time to break him." Shitaro sits down behind his desk and thinks of all the possibilities he has to break the human's will. But he has to be patient for now.

I bury my face between my hands. Sitting down I pull up my legs, hating the cold, which now settles into my bones. How long will this go on? They won't dim the lights. It's just another way to disorientate me. My stomach ceased to growl, but my throat aches for water.

As the door opens I look up and immediately recognize the guard who first brought me water. This time he's carrying the same cup. Won't drink it, I tell myself, even though the craving to feel that cool liquid running down my throat quickly overwhelms me. The guard slowly approaches me.

"Drink," he commands in Standard.

"No," I mumble, staring at the floor. Don't give in to the thirst! I continue to repeat.

"You must drink!"

"No," I state convinced. Maybe if I resist he will accidentally kill me!

The guard shakes his head, places the cup on the floor and grabs my neck.

"Drink!" he repeats.

Slowly he pours the water into my mouth. Helpless I try to spit it out, but a small part of the water flows down my throat and I find myself swallowing it greedily. The guard releases me after the cup has been emptied and marches back to the door. I massage my throat and cough out

the water, which has found a way in to my lungs. The coughing worsens the ache the fracture causes and I wonder how long Shitaro plans on playing this game.

Hours pass into days, which are only interrupted by the guard bringing me water. At first I thought I only imagined the soft expression in the Minbari's eyes, but now I know nothing more for sure. After being locked up for days I've become delusional, seeing people who aren't there,

hearing voices, which only echo in my mind.

I huddle down and try losing myself in my imagination. At one point I'm convinced Susan has joined me in the cell and is holding my hand. "I'm fine," I whisper in a cracked tone as my voice no longer functions without fluids. Every drop of water they bring I devour and the last time I even begged the guard to bring more.

The broken rib doesn't ache any longer as my mind wrestles with the terrible pain of abandonment. Please let me die, I pray privately. Why did he have to rip out that fake tooth? I don't know how much longer I can go on. They don't ask questions… I'm wasting away here. No longer able to keep the hurt inside I scream out and bang my head against the wall. Seconds later Susan's calming voice surrounds me.

"You're trouble, Cole. A pain in the ass!"

That voice calms me down. Clinging to the hallucination I smile happily. "I love you," I whisper and in the back of my head I know Susan will never hear my words, doesn't want to hear my confession for she doesn't love me back.

"How much longer?" I ask in a soft, begging tone no one hears except myself.

Shitaro observes the prisoner on screen. The human befouled himself as he has no access to a bathroom and his face looks haggard and drained. "Shut down the lights," Shitaro orders and Hirano obeys. "De-activate the force field and open the door."

Hirano moves his fingers over the controls. During these last hours he started to wonder why the Alit is treating the human in this way. He supported Shitaro as the Alit broke away from the warrior caste, but now doubts his leader's wisdom. The human is a prisoner of war and should be

treated accordingly, not like this! But he knows better than to argue with the Alit who holds absolute power on the ship.

I clutch my stomach as my bowels clench in need for food. I have no idea when I ate last, but realize several days must have gone by. As the lights die I flash open my eyes. What's going on?

"Human."

Immediately I identify the harsh voice. The hallucinations always vanish after my daily ration of water. If it wasn't for the dreadful stench of urine floating through the cell I might be able to deal with this. Remembering the things I learned the hard way after speaking up at arriving here, my eyes stare at the floor and I don't attempt speech.

"Better," Shitaro hisses and approaches me. "Kneel before me."

Never! You haven't won yet. And I don't move.

"I said," Shitaro repeats and grabs the front of my tunic, "Kneel!"

Forced down on my knees I barely control the urge to spit into the Minbari's face.

"You need to be disciplined," Shitaro says.

Wickedly he buries his fingers in my hair. Yanking me to the right I moan softly.

"This is only the beginning," he promises. "You are nothing!"

I start to heave involuntarily as the broken rib makes it hard to breathe. Coughing violently I fight for breath. No longer enjoying this particular action Shitaro throws me back in to my corner. Heaving, throwing up only water and bile I try to compose myself. No longer thinking rationally I curl myself into a tight ball, so I can protect my head and stomach should Shitaro resort to violence.

"Say it, human, tell me you are worthless," Shitaro commands and stalks me again.

Never! But I realize sooner or later I will reach my break point.

"Still defiant? 5 more days in this cell and you will beg me to be allowed to say those words!"

5 more days? I've been here 5 days? I wipe away the salvia from my lips. Can I hold on for 5 more?

Shitaro gestures the guard to move aside as 2 members of his personal guards enter the cell.

Watching them close in I cringe. Two bulky Minbari haul me to my feet and start taking shots at my head and stomach. Flinching uncontrollably I bite down the yelps that almost leave my lips as they target my broken rib. No pain, there is no pain, no pain, there is no pain, I repeat frantically and spit blood as another rib gives into the constant pressure. No longer able to stand on my feet I drop to my knees and now the guards start to kick me in my back and groin area. Fire shoots

through my stomach and my hands go down to protect the sensitive area. The guards however grab my wrists and slowly bend them backwards.

My eyes grow watered as the pain overwhelms me. First, my right wrist is snapped back and a moment later my left. Doubling over under the pain I throw back my head to release a scream, which the guards smother before it sounds. Sensing the feel of gloves on my hands my heart beats

madly as they one by one break my fingers. The pain causes me to black out. Hanging limply in their hold I bow my head and drift off into unconsciousness.

Hirano freezes in horror seeing the violence the guards use on the human. He knows this is wrong, but doesn't act on that feeling. If he wants to help the human he has to play this more subtle. He has to find someone who can help him get the prisoner off board. Only one name comes

to mind, Alit Neroon.

Tasting blood on my tongue I slowly regain consciousness after the brutal thrashing I received hours ago. Carefully opening my eyes I realize my hands are useless, shattered to pieces. I don't try to move my fingers knowing it will only cause me pain. Pain is all there is and I reach out for it, telling myself this is the bitter truth and that I have to face up to it. This is probably the place where I will die and I regret being alone. Why didn't I tell Susan how I felt? I missed my only

chance on the bridge of that White Star.

Remorse sweeps through me and I momentarily lock out the pain. But as moments drift by the pain returns. Unable to take care of primary needs I realize my utter helplessness. Shitaro will bring me to the edge of insanity and then yank back my collar, showing me he's in control. I

can't survive another 5 days, but Shitaro will see to it I don't die. He'll keep me alive for his amusement! And I allow a tear to break through.

Darkness engulfs me and I see ghastly figures in the shadows, circling me. In a still functioning part of my brain I know I'm delusional again, seeing things, which only exist in my mind. Staring into the darkness I tentatively shift my position. After sitting in the dark for nearly two days my eyes start to lose the ability to focus. As I move about on the floor the remnants of urine bite into my skin. I no longer care about the stench.

A small beam of light appears and I push myself deeper in to the corner. First the two guards will appear and beat me up and then the other Minbari will force me to swallow the water. Having no way to resist I clench my teeth as the pointy boots bury themselves in the soft flesh of my stomach. Blood drips from my bruised lips and after a moment I lose consciousness again.

"Drink," The guard whispers softly after the two guards left.

I slowly swallow the water, but hardly have the strength to keep my mouth open. "Kill… me," I plead.

"I cannot do that," Hirano replies touched.

Then he steps away from me and retreats to the observation lounge.

"I want to see the prisoner," Shitaro says.

Hirano quickly turns about, as he didn't hear his Alit enter and looks away. "Of course, Alit," he replies and opens the door.

Shitaro growls as stench attacks his nostrils. After walking up to me he carefully raises my chin. As blood stains his gloves he looks down disdainfully.

"Kneel!" he orders and waits impatiently.

The command penetrates my mind and slowly I move into a kneeling position. My body aches badly and I'll do anything to prevent another thrashing.

"Good, you've made progress," Shitaro whispers, "Now tell me that you are nothing, worthless waste!"

"I… am… worth… lessss," I stutter as my jaw hurts, "I… am… waste." The words mean nothing to me, but will appease Shitaro.

"I am pleased with this result." Shitaro steps away, realizing his boots turned wet by the urine. "What is your name?"

My brain suddenly comes online. Shitaro, what do you want?

"Tell me your name!" Shitaro orders again.

"No," I moan. I'll never give up this information. It can greatly compromise Delenn. Looking through half closed eyes I cringe as the two guards stalk closer.

"Teach him obedience… the hard way," Shitaro orders and amused leans back against the wall.

I try backing away into the corner, but my range of movement is badly limited. Suddenly one of the guards drags me into the corridor, using strands of hair to pull me along. My fingernails scratch the floor as I try to struggle free.

Unexpectedly I'm lifted onto a wooden table and slammed on to my stomach. My toes barely touch the floor and I rest my body on the table, yet at the same time I try to get away from it as it causes my ribs toact up.

"Proceed," Shitaro says pleased, enjoying the sight.

A grunt tells me the guards now stand behind me and I suck in my breath as my clothes are torn of my body. First, the tunic, and then the turtleneck is ripped to pieces and dropped to the floor. Realization dawns on me as they also tear off my trousers, along with my dirty underwear. My broken fingers try to find a hold at the edge of the table as ice-cold water is poured over my back and buttocks. Swift and hard strokes with a towel wipe away the filth.

No, Valen, no… God, no… don't let them do this! Letting out a strangled scream my face is instantly slammed into the desk. Part of the towel is pushed inside my mouth and I almost choke, tasting my own blood.

"Now," Shitaro says eagerly, "Do it!"

One of his personal guards unzips his trousers to free his erection. The guard who always brings me water looks away…

I rest my forehead on the desk, as the cloth in my mouth keeps me from breathing properly and I nearly choke. A sudden sensation on my rear end makes me hold my breath. Closing my eyes in panic I try to relax. The Minbari teachers told me how to survive terror, but now I'm facing rape

and it scares me gutless. Please, no… I'm ashamed to admit I want to beg for mercy, but the gag prevents me from uttering even a single word.

"No more playing around," Shitaro states, "Take him."

I tense up, but the guard doesn't stop. He buries himself slowly inside my body. Grabbing my waist his fingernails dig in to my flesh. Unable to stop this presence from probing deeper I go limp and fight for breath. Something warm drips from between my buttocks and I vaguely realize it

is blood.

"Do you understand now?" Shitaro says.

He now stands in front of me. Pulling at my hair he forces me to look up at him.

"You do not deserve to exist. Humans are a disgrace to the universe. You do not deserve a name… You no longer have one, whore."

I fight hard to keep back my tears, but fail as the guard releases a triumphant cry

"Stop," Shitaro orders and the guard moans his displeasure, but complies nonetheless.

Still looking into my eyes Shitaro says, "You will serve us in this way for the rest of your natural life. You are nothing. No human can be Anla'shok! You insult our society and traditions by wearing that uniform!"

I stop fighting them, give in and surrender. I forfeited my life. It's better to realize that I lost than to cherish the insane hope to escape this torture one day. My life is over and all I want is to die.

Opening my eyes I quickly close them again. The blinding lights crushes into them and hurt my iris, which is no longer used to light. I pull my legs closer to my body and a startling pain shoots through me. Memories return and I hide my face in my hands and can't help flinching as my

broken wrists and fingers remind me of what they did to me.

I gave up. After more than 10 days I gave up. In regular pauses Shitaro and the other two guards come in to force me. I don't think I'll ever grow used to the pain, but it's bearable. They placed me in a different holding cell and shoved a bucket in a corner, telling me I could use it

to relieve myself. It gets emptied when its full, but the stench sometimes still makes me want to throw up. I get more water now and even a slice of bread at times though I have a hard time actually eating it. My fingers can't grab anything and it usually slips out of my hands. I then have to bend down and pick it up from the floor. I don't care though as it is food and satisfies the terrible hunger.

One of the guards, the one who brings me food and water, is always quiet unlike Shitaro and his men. They call me names all the time. This other guard doesn't. When he helps me drink the water his touch feels tender and it almost seems like he wants me to survive as long as possible. Don't know why though. After what happened to me I can never return to Babylon 5 or face Delenn. Crawling on all fours I finally reach the bucket to pee into it.

My urine is filled with blood and I know it's getting worse all the time. Spasms rack my stomach and as I drag myself away from the bucket I try to lift my head. It's useless as I lack the power and I stare at the floor. I can hardly believe that two weeks ago I felt cocky enough to

take on Shitaro. Must have been mad…

My biological clock tells me Shitaro and his men are bound to return any moment now and I mentally try to prepare myself for the torment they will inflict on me. Shitaro loves to see me flinch in pain.

Dragging my feet over the cold floor I vividly remember one time I tried resisting Shitaro. I fought him with desperation and managed to get to the doorway. Now, I wish I hadn't been that foolish. After they pulled me back into the center of the room, one of the guards clasped my ankles with his hands and started to apply pressure. It didn't take long for him to snap my ankles and I turned unconscious eventually.

I'm cold, terribly cold as I'm butt naked. They didn't even give me a blanket to keep warm. My head hurts, my eyes burn and my body screams in pain. I want to end my life, but there is no way out for me.

Suddenly Susan's eyes appear in my thoughts and I quickly banish her memory from my mind. I don't want someone as pure as Susan to be linked with something as filthy as I am.

Shitaro no longer calls me the human or by my name… I'm his whore… I struggle to remember my name… I know I once had one… Perhaps my mind is locking it away, trying to protect me from the pain of knowing I once lived a normal life.

Metal scrapes over the floor and I suck in my breath, recognizing the terrible sound. The door opens and that can only mean one thing… I want to curl up in the corner and succumb to the darkness, withering away until I die in loneliness.

Shitaro's hunger is insatiable and going limp I wait for his instructions, which often differ. I'll do as he tells me to. I try to think of nothing, try to convince myself that I deserve this. Otherwise

I can't bear it. Maybe this is the punishment the Universe had in mind for me when I betrayed Willie and all the others on Arisia. Their fate was much worse.

But a small part of my mind refuses to believe that and keeps screaming at me to fight off Shitaro, that he has no right to abuse my body like this. No, he can do to me whatever he wants… The pain paralyzes me and my eyes water with tears I'll never shed.

"You are worthless! You are a disgrace!"

The dry heaves start again, racking my inner organs. It usually takes him two or three minutes to reach orgasm and I pray to God he'll come soon. This time it takes him longer and my mouth and throat grow dry, as I want to throw up because my bowels are pressed together.

"The human served me well today… but I am hungry now. Let's head to my private quarters," he says, addressing his guards.

'The human', echoes through my mind… I no longer deserve a name. As their footfalls grow distant I try to heave myself back towards the corner, needing the wall to support me. Looking down my I feel nothing… I am nothing… I try hard not to move at all. Maybe I'll fall asleep… a

sleep without dreams… without nightmares…

When I wake several hours later I'm unable to move. My body seems to have shut down at last. I wish I could shiver due to the cold, but even opening my eyes drains me. Maybe if I give up completely my body will shut down too and I'll die. That's the only way of being free of Shitaro

and his punishments. Too tired and exhausted to end that thought I slip back into the darkness of unconsciousness.

In dark places part 3

NEROON

I look up from the file I'm reading as my communications officer patches through a message marked urgently. "What!" I question annoyed and stare at the screen. "I know you," I whisper surprised and try to remember the warrior's name.

" Yes, Alit Neroon you do," Hirano replies. "My brother serves you."

"You're Vallo's brother… Hirano of the house of Pul," I nod my head. "Why contact me?"

"I need your help," Hirano quickly glances about, making sure he's alone.

I notice the man's nervousness and say, "Continue."

"Alit Shitaro captured a human ranger."

I shrug my shoulders. "That is of no concern to me."

"But he's torturing the human! He's a ranger and should be treated like a prisoner of war, not like… this."

Intrigued, I place the file on his desk. "Explain."

"The warrior caste used… dishonorable techniques during the Earth Minbari war to make their prisoners talk. We adopted those tactics from the humans… and Shitaro is now doing the same thing to the human for his pleasure."

My brow grows knotted. "We abolished those tactics at the end of that war." Retreating further back into my chair I hope no intense emotions show in my eyes. I hate that particular technique as it causes unnecessary pain and hardly ever produces results.

"Alit Shitaro continues to carry it out," Hirano says. "The human will die a painful death which will eventually anger the warrior caste and the rangers."

"You are right," I've got to admit. "I will visit Alit Shitaro shortly."

Hirano knows he has to do with that answer. "Thank you, Alit Neroon."

Terminating the connection I smash my fist in to the desk. "How does Shitaro dare to do this?" I wonder baffled. "I will have to stop him." I was inclined to let Shitaro be, as I don't agree with the recent rulings of the warrior caste myself, but now Shitaro's action will infuriate the rangers and I don't want them as an enemy. Contacting my helmsman I say, "Set course for Alit Shitaro's war cruisers and inform him of my visit."

"It will take us 5 days to reach that position."

A dangerous growl escapes my throat. "Maximum speed?"

"Yes, Alit, 5 days at maximum speed."

"Set course and inform me when we reach target!" I rise to my feet and start to pace the room. "I've got to stop this," I whisper and shiver, knowing what the human is going through.

5 days later

"Alit Neroon," Shitaro says politely.

He gestures me to step inside his office, wanting nothing more than to find out why I've come here so unexpectedly. Sitting down he watches my expression. I fight to keep my face emotionless. Not even a hint of my intention simmers in my eyes and uncomfortably Shitaro shifts back into

his chair. For some time now he's tried to convince me to join his cause and side with him against the rest of the warrior caste, but thus far I always refused to take sides.

"What changed your opinion?" Shitaro wonders.

I take a seat opposite him. "Alit Shitaro," I say calmly and study the other man. Something in Shitaro's eyes warns me to be careful. These last 5 days have been hard on me. I know I've got to convince Shitaro to hand over the ranger, but how to accomplish that? Finally making my

decision to play hardball I say, "It has come to my attention that you managed to capture a human ranger," and I make sure my voice carries an arrogant tone.

"Yes, I did."

Shitaro's beady eyes never leave mine and I return the stare in a similar fashion. I won't back down. My reason for wanting to save this human is too well motivated by my past. A past, Shitaro hopefully knows nothing about; otherwise I'd be at a distinct disadvantage. Realizing he's waiting for my answer I cock my head. "You will hand him over to me."

"Why?"

Yes, why indeed. I know this is the part of our conversation where everything can go wrong and he can refuse my demand. I've got to be patient and wait for him to answer his own question from which I can act upon. In the back of my mind I wonder what state the human is in. After

13 days of Shitaro having his way with him the human might be dead. I don't know for sure whether he's still alive. Shitaro leans back and I privately ask Valen to help me. I have never been a religious man, but sometimes I do ask for guidance.

"A human ranger stopped you from killing the half breed. You must be mad at them," Shitaro says eventually.

I grab this opportunity; realizing revenge might be the one reason why Shitaro will indulge me in this. We aren't friends. I loathe his methods and the way he treats his men. In his view they are all expendable and worthless. "You're correct. I want revenge… give me this human."

"I do not want to give him up to you… I… enjoy his presence here," Shitaro quips amused.

I can only hope that he values my support more than keeping this human close. "I am sure you will find pleasure elsewhere," I say, repulsed by my own manipulations, "but I won't find a second human ranger that easily."

"True," Shitaro replies and rises to his feet. "Follow me…"

Shaky, I get to my feet too and feel relieved now that I know the human is still alive. The wrath of the rangers might be terrible should he die at Shitaro's hands. Walking in silence next to Shitaro I immediately notice the fear and repression sneaking around the ship, staring back at me from the crewmembers' eyes and I realize Shitaro reigns in terror. Maybe I was wrong to let him be, maybe I'll have to step in here and stop Shitaro before he goes overboard.

"What do I get in return for the human?"

Shitaro's question forces me to concentrate my attention back on him and I reply, "My support?" Lying is acceptable at this moment as I might save the prisoner's life.

"I accept the bargain," Shitaro says pleased.

His eyes gleam anxiously and I realize I'll have to address this matter before the High Court at Tuzenor and the clan leaders. Shitaro is dangerous and must be stopped. I gladly accept that responsibility.

As we reach the holding cells I study the corridor, the doors and the positions of the guards. I'm not surprised to see Hirano's face amongst them. He tries to hide it, but I see relief in his eyes. "Do you know the human's name?" I ask curiously.

"No, I never bothered to find out," Shitaro replies arrogantly.

His icy tone takes me aback. Shitaro's hate is apparent in his voice. Hirano opens the door at Shitaro's command and steps back to let us enter the cell, trying to hide his satisfaction now I kept my promise.

I stride inside and almost come to a sudden stop. In the farthest corner a human lies on the floor, curled up in a foetal position. He's naked and his body is completely covered with bruises and black and blue areas. The way his hands rest useless on the floor, twisted and tense, I gather Shitaro ordered them broken and the blood and transparent liquid glistering on his back tells me to which tactics Shitaro resorted to break him. Rape is something I fiercely condemn and knowing a Minbari warrior did this enrages me. Shitaro obviously no longer values our ways, or rituals.

"Come over here," Shitaro commands victoriously.

I force myself to remain calm. I must stay in control of my rage or Shitaro will notice my anger. Pity, sadness, and an insane sense of injustice washes through me, seeing the pain the human is in as he tries to crawl towards us. Unable to use his hands he supports his frail frame with his elbows and barely audible mews emanate from his lips.

"I disciplined him," Shitaro whispers pleased.

I barely repress the urge to wrap my fingers around Shitaro's throat to clench it shut, to hear him draw a strangled breath. But I focus on the human instead who leans forward to kneel. I now realize Shitaro's intentions and quickly take a step closer. I won't allow him to demonstrate his tactics in my presence. "I want him for myself… "

"You're greedy," Shitaro hisses.

His fingernails scratch the human's skin who flinches uncontrollably at that touch and I know Shitaro did an amount of damage which can never again be undone and my memories take me back to… Not now, I berate myself. All that matters now is getting the human onboard the Ingata. "Do you want my support or not?" I challenge him and hope he won't call my bluff.

"Yes," Shitaro replies and places his boot on the human's bloody back.

Only now I notice the way the prisoner's feet are snapped back. They broke his ankles as well! I promise myself to extract revenge on Shitaro for what he did. I'm not fond of humans and I will never call them friends or equals, but ever since the day that a human ranger defeated me I bear them a growing respect and to see one of them this humiliated goes against everything I believe in. "One of your guards will take him to my shuttle," I instruct and point at Hirano, knowing the prisoner will be safe in his care. "You, see to it he is inside my shuttle when I leave."

Hirano waits for Shitaro to nod, as he won't execute this order without the Alit's permission, no matter how eager he is to comply.

Shitaro nods his consent, displeased to see the human leave.

I try to look not too pleased as I lead Shitaro outside into the corridor. The last thing I see is the prisoner collapsing on to his stomach as a wail of pain drifts through the room. One day I will make Shitaro pay for this neglect of Minbari rules.

Hirano kneels down beside the human and is worried to see blood flow from his lips. "Wake up," he says in a soft tone, uncertain whether other guards might be watching him. The prisoner doesn't react and Hirano realizes the human has lost consciousness. Placing one hand underneath the prisoner's knees he pulls the human close to his chest and lifts him from the floor, ignoring the blood staining his uniform. "Alit Neroon ordered me to take you to his shuttle. He didn't specify

how. I'll carry you," Hirano whispers and cringes inwardly seeing the injuries. "I doubt you'll ever recover… I've seen too many of his victims commit suicide." Saddened, he slowly walks to the docking area.

"So you agree to support Shay Alit Shakiri?" Shitaro asks pleased.

He offers me a cup of ceremonial tea. "Yes," I say without commitment. All I can think about is seeing to the human's injuries and delivering him to the nearest station run by his race. Getting to my feet I bow politely and imagine seeing Shitaro beg for mercy as I choke him slowly. My old hate resurfaces and it finally bears a face now. Locking the past away I return to my shuttle.

As I arrive at the shuttle bay Hirano is awaiting me. His eyes are no longer clouded like they were when he contacted me. "Did you place him inside?"

"Yes, Alit… He's in a bad way though. He lost consciousness after you left his cell."

"I will see to his wounds," I promise, uncertain if I can fulfil this commitment.

"Thank you."

"Are you sure you want to stay?" I ask, wondering why a warrior who displayed a great sense of honor wants to serve Shitaro.

"What if another human takes his place? Someone must stay."

"I understand," I whisper. "You did the right thing by contacting me. Shitaro dishonored himself by acting in this way."

Hirano bows deeply and slowly walks away from the shuttle. His work is done, mine is about to start. I hesitate briefly, knowing what sight awaits me inside. I then compose myself and step inside. Hirano placed the human in the pilot's chair so he doesn't have to lie on the cold floor. Moving my hands over the crystals I plot my course. My shuttle takes off and in a few minutes I'll be back on my own cruiser. Now that the computer has taken over control I slowly walk over to the human.

The first thing I notice is the long dark hair that reminds me of the ranger I faced a few months ago. Tempted to look at his face I sit on my heels and gently stroke the hair out of his face. I hiss, suck in my breath as I recognize the face. His eyes are closed now and they no longer stare at me defiantly. I vividly remember the expression in those orbs when he told me he would die for Delenn… in Valen's name.

"Marcus," I stutter. The name always remained in my thoughts and helped me to stay on my chosen path. And Shitaro did this to him! "Why must it be you?"

I'm confused, horrified seeing blood and broken bones hover underneath the brittle skin. I need to take action; I can think this over later. After walking to the control panel I contact my private physician Langar.

His surprised expression tells me he didn't expect my call. "Prepare the medical facility. I'm bringing a severely injured human onboard."

"Human?"

"Yes," I confirm and recognize confusion in his eyes. "I suggest you download all data on their species and start making preparations to attend to his wounds. Shitaro injured him, emotionally as physically."

"As you wish."

As Langar terminates the contact I know he will do his best to help Marcus. Quickly, I head back over to the chair and watch in silence as Marcus moans. His stomach contracts beneath the frail skin. "You're safe now," I whisper and remove my long cloak to drape it over the trembling

body. "I promise Shitaro will never again hurt you." Placing one hand on Marcus' sweaty brow I notice he has developed a fever. Marcus stirs at my touch and tries getting away from my hand, but he's too weak to move. His face is black and blue and his breathing laboured. Sitting on my heels I gently caress his long hair, hoping he will somehow feel my presence and realize he's safe. But he doesn't and starts whimpering softly.

I can't make out his muffled words, but I do know he's in pain. It will take us 5 more minutes to reach the Ingata and I'll stay at his side. It's the least I can do to honor this warrior who fought me so bravely that fateful day. "Hold on."

My communications officer contacts me, asking me to start docking procedures and I have to leave Marcus behind. Thankfully he's deeply asleep again and the whispering has stopped. I quickly dock the shuttle and head back to Marcus. Carefully I lift him from the chair, clutching him to my chest. He hardly weighs a thing and suddenly I wonder whether he has the strength to survive this trauma. I realize I face a grave responsibility… one I will have to consider later. Now he needs medical attention.

Salvia dribbles onto my uniform as he pants heavily. His ribs must have taken a beating and might be bruised or broken. I change the position he's in and the panting stops. I leave the shuttle to head straight for the medical facility.

Several of my personal guards gathered at the exit to greet me and stare at me in bafflement. "I will explain this later. He is a ranger and needs help."

These words pull them from their bewilderment and they immediately clear the way for me. I smile, cherishing their loyalty. Langar awaits my arrival and has rigged one of the platforms. I shake my hand questioningly.

"Trust me," the old Minbari physician says, "it's best this way."

I trust Langar's judgement. He is the father I never knew… his grey beard always reminds me of his old age and his brown eyes shine kindly, never judging any one, no matter what race they are. Cautiously I lay Marcus down on the soft bed and slowly pull away my cloak. "Be gentle with him. He already suffered too much."

"You are right… Valen, who did this to him?" Langar shakes his head in disbelief. Switching on the scanner build into the ceiling a soft light starts to flow over Marcus' body. "We must clean him up first. Will you assist me?"

"Yes," I reply without hesitation. "I spared his life once and now saved him from Shitaro's clutches. I'm responsible for him." Langar hands me clean surgical bandages and a bottle filled with a clear liquid.

"Wipe away the blood and dirt," Langar instructs while moving over to the screen to study the results.

I fumble the bandages briefly and then start wiping his brow. The number of bruises I encounter depresses me.

"He needs reconstructive surgery," Langar says with an odd tone to his voice. "His bowels are torn apart…"

"Shitaro forced him," I comment and lower my eyes, opening his mouth to check for more wounds. It will have to be rinsed later.

Langar collects all medical equipment he needs for surgery.

"What about his hands and feet?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Broken, but they can be corrected later. His mind needs to heal first. You know that, Neroon."

"I do…" and finally I allow the pain of the past to enter my soul "I lost Narrier. I refuse to watch Marcus die as well."

"Narrier, you haven't spoken his name aloud for a long time."

"Speaking his name still hurts and seeing Marcus like this…" Narrier looked exactly the same as I had found him inside his cell.

"How is it possible you know this human's name?" Langar asks as he walks to the foot end of the platform. "Carry him to the sterile room please."

As I pick Marcus up I study his bruised face. He looks vulnerable. It feeds my urge to protect him from further harm. My original plan to take him to an Earth Alliance base crumbles, as I can't bear the idea of him being out there on his own without them knowing what happened to him.

Laying him down on another rigged exam platform I know from personal experience that he will never truly recover from this ordeal, no one can. Narrier committed suicide because he couldn't accept and deal with what had happened to him. Maybe this time I won't make the mistakes I

made so many cycles ago.

"Continue to disinfect his wounds," Langar says, while hooking Marcus up to several medical scanners and monitors.

"I will," I whisper and start working on his throat and chest. My touch is gentle and that fact baffles me. I never thought I could truly care for a human after what they did to my former lover.

Marcus has been sedated and will sleep through surgery. Langar puts him on a respirator and starts to repair the damage Shitaro did. Wiping blood from his chest I vow to make it up to him for Shitaro's abuse. A warrior did this to him! Gentle taking hold of his arms I work my way down to his wrists and fingers. They hang limply down the exam platform, broken and shattered.

Thankfully Langer finishes quickly and then helps me clean Marcus up. "Will there be any long term damage?" I ask.

"Physically? No, I doubt that. Mentally… yes!" Langar replies saddened.

Long moments pass and finally Marcus' body is clean and his wounds disinfected. I pull him into a sitting position as Langar bandages his chest. "Two broken ribs," I whisper absent minded.

"We will have to set his other broken bones later," Langar says and points at his patient's hands and feet.

"Anything we can do now to further his recovery?" I want to know.

"Take away most of his pain with proper medication." Langar returns from rummaging in the storage facility.

I recognize the items he's carrying. Gloves and socks made from a special synthetic will stimulate Marcus' bloodstream and start correcting the fractures. "Will he need surgery later?"

"Yes, I doubt very much he will be able to use his hands properly again or walk unaided without it." Langar shakes his head worried. "Shitaro didn't hold back."

"No, he didn't," I agree.

Langer carefully arranges Marcus' body after putting on the socks and gloves, correcting the way the fractured limbs have started to heal. "Fetch me a warming blanket," Langar instructs and adjusts the two drips his patient is hooked up to. "He's dehydrated and starved. The moment he

wakes we have to convince him to take in food."

Remembering going through this ordeal with Narrier I realize Marcus might refuse nourishment. I cover his body with the blanket and look up at Langar, my old friend and trusted physician. "I want to help him recover." Langar shoots me a disturbed look and I understand his

concern. I ended up emotionally scared myself when I tried saving Narrier from insanity.

"Are you sure? Ranger or not, he's still human," Langar says in a reluctant tone.

"I'm certain." I nod my head. "This might be my second chance, Langar and I know what to do… how to aid his recovery."

"What if he is too far gone to be reclaimed?" Langar wants to know.

"I cannot return him to his people as he is now. They won't understand his pain. He can stay here with me, us, as long as he needs to… his entire life if necessary," I state.

"What if he wants to return to his race?"

"He won't and you know it." Narrier turned frantic every time I tried to convince him to face his family and our friends after he realized what had happened to him.

"He will sleep for several hours," Langar says with assurance.

Together we tried helping Narrier so long ago. He will stand by me this time too.

"We must think up a strategy to help him."

"I know," I whisper. "He will be completely disorientated at first and then despair will overwhelm him. We cannot leave him alone, not even for a moment." In my mind I see Narrier, running the ceremonial dagger over his wrists and slitting open his stomach. I have to prevent this tragedy from happening a second time!

"You will have to officially proclaim him part of our clan in order to protect him." Langar is finally satisfied with the dose the IV's feed Marcus.

"No one needs to know he is human," I remind my friend.

"True, but this will be hard to keep secret. Will you inform Delenn you found him?" Langar asks while scraping blood off the inside of his patient's mouth.

"No, that is a decision Marcus has to make once he regains consciousness," I reply and notice Langar's questioning expression.

"Do the rangers use fake teeth to cover up capsules filled with poison?"

Langar's questions strikes me as odd but as I look at the bloody gap in Marcus' jaw I understand. "Yes, I think so." Briefly I return to Langar's office to retrieve a chair. I want to be close in case Marcus wakes up. My sight will scare him, as it was a Minbari warrior who hurt

him, but maybe he'll recognize my face. Hopefully I can assure him he's safe now. But the next months will be gruelling at best. I will have to support him through the pain and agony he will go through.

Langar leaves me alone with my thoughts and I search my motivation for wanting to help Marcus cope with this. Can I go through this misery for a second time? Can I? Do I want to? "I must," I whisper as I stroke back the soft dark hair, which is no longer filled with dried blood, "I

must."

IN DARK PLACES PART 4

MARCUS

Waking up slowly I feel too drained to open my eyes. Shitaro will stare back at me and I want to put off returning to my nightmare as long as possible. I carefully move about and my foggy brain suddenly realizes that the floor isn't that cold any more. Maybe I've grown used to it, but I'm really too tired to wonder about this and I slowly pull my knees towards my stomach. I'm on my back and this position is uncomfortable, making me feel exposed and vulnerable.

Something warm covers me and I'm seriously tempted to find out what it is. But what's the point in trying? Maybe Shitaro is playing games again. I sigh heavily as I can no longer deny I feel cozy and warm, except for the nagging ache in my bones that is bearable now. I only hope Shitaro isn't returning shortly. Curled up, I regulate my breathing and wonder why they wrapped something warm around my chest.

Except for Shitaro's voice, a second echoes in my head. I remember Shitaro entering my cell, telling me to crawl over and then... Must have lost consciousness... This second voice seems strangely familiar and I know I heard it in my past... but memory escapes me and I give up. Until Shitaro returns I must try to rest, perhaps even sleep, though I fear the return of the nightmares... But they didn't torment me during these last hours. Why?

Why would I want to open my eyes? Maybe ignoring reality, denying it, will buy me more rest. All I want is to die, but I'm still too strong for that. And what's up with my hands? This feels like cloth covering them. But that can't be... Carefully moving my fingers I cringe at the ache as they protest the action. But this is cloth all right. What's happening? Has Shitaro suddenly decided to tend to my injuries? Why would he do that?

Unable to keep my eyes closed any longer I slowly open them and can't understand what's happening to me. The ceiling definitely looks different and the stench is gone. This room smells sterile... warmth emanates from a blanket covering my body and I realize I'm still naked underneath it.

Slightly cocking my head I try to take in the room. It's obviously some kind of medical facility and I discover the drips I'm hooked up to. There are two IV's and I know Shitaro would never go through the trouble of nursing me.

Surprised, I find that my stomach no longer aches that badly, and when I concentrate on that sensation I realize something else as well. I have a catheter in my private parts. It feels degrading and I close my eyes in shame. Who is doing this to me and why?

"Marcus?"

Hearing that voice I flinch and start to shake all over my body. Marcus? No, that's not my name any longer... I can't help but open my eyes and focus in the direction the voice came from. Staring into the eyes of a Minbari cold sneaks into my body. All I see is the bonecrest and the lack of eyebrows. "Don't hurt me," I choke out. "I'll obey..." Shivers rack my body and I start to pant as I forget to breathe. I can take no more thrashings, no more abuse... please.

"You're safe here," the voice replies in a kind tone, ignoring the plea. "You're onboard the Ingata. Do you remember me?"

"No, yes, no," I stutter. I really don't know who he is, though there's something familiar about him. I don't even know who I am any more. "Don't hurt me," I beg again and wonder why Shitaro isn't here. Did he send this man to torment me in a different way?

"I am Neroon. You fought me when I tried to stop Delenn from becoming Ranger One. Don't you remember me? Please try." Neroon barely resists the urge to reach out. "Shitaro cannot hurt you any longer," Neroon continues in a soft tone. "My personal physician is tending your injuries. You need rest, to regain your strength."

"Neroon?" I stutter. I vaguely remember that name, but as fatigue takes over all I can think about is going back to sleep, to oblivion where the pain doesn't exists. But there's something in those eyes that calms me down and I find myself staring at him, speechless.

"Yes, Marcus. You're safe. You're now under my protection. Calm down."

Hearing those words I stare at him in disbelief. Is this the truth? "Why? How?" I stutter and suddenly I hear in my mind, -Never address the Alit!- If I remember correctly Neroon holds that title as well. Where did that sudden knowledge come from? Scared, I lower my eyes and stare at the Wall.

"Hirano, one of Shitaro's guards contacted me and told me you needed help," Neroon says honestly.

I avert my eyes, reliving painful memories.

"Rest now and try to sleep, but the next time you wake you should eat something."

The mere mention of food makes my stomach contort and I barely refrain from throwing up.

"Marcus?"

I hope he will keep his distance as I'm on the brink of panic. Neroon's worried voice startles me and I don't know what to say. Only one thing springs to mind. "I'll obey." I close my eyes as my body shuts down from fear. I'm facing one more problem though. I need to pee.

"What is wrong?" Neroon asks concerned, seeing the ashamed expression on my face.

"Can't say," I whisper embarrassed. Why can't I simply lose consciousness and escape this humiliation?

Hit by sudden understanding Neroon says, "Whatever it is, Marcus don't feel ashamed."

Tears appear in my eyes, making them blurry as I relieve myself. The urine flows into the catheter and I start to cry. I've been holding back these tears for so long that I'm scared I can't stop. Neroon sees the catheter bag slowly fill and his reassuring smile tells me he understands what upset me. "Alit... Shitaro," I whisper and then fall silent, as Neroon appears angered by my choice of words. I flinch slightly.

"He no longer deserves to hold that title. He dishonored all Minbari."

"No..." I beg, hearing the anger in Neroon's voice. "Don't be mad, please... I'll obey, I'll obey," I rave, trying to avoid another beating, this time at Neroon's hands. In my mind Neroon and Shitaro start to meld together, leaving me behind in terror. Frantically I try to kneel... Maybe that way I can appease him.

"Marcus, don't move about that much," Neroon says in a chiding tone.

But I'm determined to roll over onto my stomach. I don't know when he realizes I'm offering myself to him.

"Marcus, lie down..." Neroon says resolved.

"You don't want... me?" I finally choke out as hands push me down onto my back again. Neroon's touch is surprisingly gentle and puts no pressure on my wounds. For a moment I allow myself to feel hope that this Minbari differs from Shitaro.

He whispers soothingly, "I want you to rest and recover."

"Do you honestly mean that?" I ask, still not convinced. This is just another game and shortly Shitaro will enter the room and laugh at my stupidity.

"Yes, I do," Neroon says soothingly, while stroking my hair. "I am not like Shitaro."

Involuntarily I flinch at the touch. No matter how gentle Neroon is, I remember Shitaro touching me, hurting me. "This is a nice dream," I whisper eventually, relieved the physical pain has lessened. "I don't want to wake up to the nightmare ever again... But I can't be that lucky." Drained, my eyes close as the tender caress calms me down. Letting go of consciousness I drift into the blackness of my mind.

Neroon fights the tear that threatens to slip down his cheek. "This is no dream," he whispers crestfallen. "And the nightmare will =never= return." Neroon traces the outline of a dark bruise. "I will protect you," he says, repeating his promise.

During the next hours bad dreams disturb my sleep and I never realize that Langer administers me a neural suppressive to calm me down.

"Try to make him eat this," Langar says and places a large bowl of warm soup near the bed. "I will be close at all times."

"Marcus? Can you hear me?" Neroon says concerned.

Slowly, the voice penetrates my mind and I shudder. Although the tone is gentle I know better than to trust anyone.

"Open your eyes?" Neroon asks pleadingly.

Used to being obedient I open them and freeze seeing the Minbari this close. My body goes into contractions and the sudden spasms make it hard for me to lie still. The Minbari didn't tell me I was allowed to move about.

"I am Neroon," he says in a soft voice, suspecting I probably have no idea who he is. "You need to eat something, Marcus."

My stomach objects hearing that statement, telling me it will reject all food. "Too sick," I whisper and suck in my breath, realizing I protested his order. About to ask for forgiveness I lower my eyes and wait for the unavoidable punishment. As I try moving my fingers I discover I can't. It

feels like they are bandaged, but the pain is gone so I don't question whatever the Minbari did to me. Being without pain gives my body a chance to rest.

"You must," Neroon says determined, "and I will help you. Do not fear me, Marcus," he instructs, repeating my name all the time. "You need to sit up to drink the soup."

"Please don't," I stutter as resolved hands gently pull me upright. I panic as Neroon sits down on the side of the platform.

"Lean against me for support." Neroon says.

Apparently he sees panic flashing in my eyes, as his tone turns soft. Taking hold of the bowl filled with vegetable soup he waits for me to lean my back against his chest. I'm in pain sitting up like this without any support.

"Rest your back against me," Neroon pleads again, aware he can't force me to accept his help.

Utterly confused and scared I can't help leaning back as my broken ribs push the air from my lungs. Sensing another warm body against mine memories come crashing in. Terrified I freeze, unable to breathe, afraid Neroon will change his mind and... I don't think I can survive taking the pain again which still feels very real and I close my eyes, telling myself I'm not here.

"Drink," Neroon instructs. But slowly."

The blanket drops because of my movement and partly reveals bruised skin. Feeling terribly exposed I remain motionless. All initiative has been beaten out of me and I simply wait for Neroon to tell me what to do. Neroon needs one hand to hold the bowl and his other is curled tightly across my shoulders. Making a decision he places the bowl at my lips and tells me to drink slowly.

"It will help you get your strength back."

I swallow automatically, never thinking about refusing to eat the soup. Slowly, the warm soup warms my cold insides and suddenly I realize it actually has a pleasant taste. Wanting more, I greedily drink half of the soup, relishing the warmth running down my sore throat. Feeling relieved, the tension slips away from my shoulders.

Pleased Neroon smiles as I gulp down the healthy soup. "Slowly," he says softly.

Disappointed I look into the now empty bowl and wish Neroon would offer me more of that delicious soup, but knowing my place I don't ask. Neroon places the bowl on the platform and then pulls up the blanket and tucks me in.

Looking down I wonder about my gloved hands. A strange sensation emanates from them. It isn't pain, but...

"These gloves slowly push your broken bones back into their correct position. You will need surgery later on as the broken bones already started to settle into the wrong positions before I managed to get you out. Same goes for your broken ankles," Neroon explains patiently.

"Warm," I whisper, scared to somehow defy him. Shitaro made it very clear he didn't ever want to hear my voice, but I want to thank this Minbari for feeding me.

Not expecting that remark Neroon cocks his head to catch the look in my eyes. "What's warm? The soup? Was it too hot?"

"No," I quickly reply, afraid to irritate him. "I feel warm."

"That's good, isn't it?" Neroon inquires.

"Yes." Tired I rest my head against his shoulder and curl up in his arms. I risk Neroon getting angry with me, but I'm beyond frightened. Tears fight to surface in my eyes and I try holding them back, but a moment later they drip from my chin. Neroon senses the moisture on his hands and tightens the embrace, instinctively knowing what happened.

"You are safe," he says. "No one will hurt you. You're under my protection, Marcus."

As he strokes my dark hair I feel comforted. "I..." Afraid to believe his words I hold my breath. Is this the truth? Am I really safe from Shitaro? Am I beyond his reach? Shudders rack my body as other thoughts crush in. What if Neroon is lying? What if he wants my body which Shitaro took that violently as well? What if he is luring me into safety? I can trust no one.

Somebody clears his throat and I don't dare to look up. Instead I bury my face between Neroon's clothes. I curl myself into a ball, as small as my injuries allow me too. Please, don't hurt me, I plead privately, fearing Shitaro entered the room.

"This is Langar, my personal physician. He will monitor your recovery, Marcus," Neroon says in a kind tone. "No need to be afraid, Marcus."

I can't believe him. There's too much fear inside me and I press myself even closer to his body. "Don't hurt me, please," I whisper in despair, remembering the pain Shitaro always brought with him into my cell.

"Marcus, look up."

Fingers cup my chin and I immediately give in, trying to avoid another beating. Neroon raises my face and my eyes locate the old Minbari in the doorway. His long beard strikes me as odd and I sigh distressed. What kind of game is Shitaro playing here?

"I am Langar," the physician says slowly. "You need to take your medication, Marcus."

I don't react to his words. I simply remain limp in his arms. Maybe Neroon will protect me; at least he offered me food and warmth.

Walking over to the place where he keeps his meds, Langar fills a glass with water and then returns. "Take these," he tells Neroon, "and make sure Marcus swallows them." Then he silently leaves the room.

"Open your mouth," Neroon orders in a soft tone and places the pills on the tip of my tongue, “and now drink."

The water flows into my throat and I cringe as my jaw acts up in pain. Shitaro ripped out my fake tooth and it still hurts after all this time. Obediently, I empty the glass and swallow the pills. What will Neroon do next? Fear builds in my stomach as I realize that Neroon can do all the things Shitaro did to me and I start to throw up the water I just drank.

Surprised, Neroon quickly picks up the empty bowl and places it at my lips.

"Don't fight it," he advises and holds me tight. "This is just a physical reaction after everything you went through. You know that. I'm here... I will care for you," he assures me.

Managing to keep most of the soup inside I finally calm down hearing Neroon's words of assurance. I have no other option than to do as I'm told. Dry heaves rock my body and I cling to Neroon for support, resting my useless hands in my lap. Neroon rubs my back in long strokes and that intimate gesture shocks me, yet at the same time... it soothes me. His touch doesn't intimidate me, but it propels me back to Shitaro pushing me down. His hands continue to rub my back and I spit into the bowl one last time as my body settles down again. "Thank you," I whisper. Shitaro would certainly punish me for acting this way. Closing my eyes I tremble in his arms and surrender to the sensation of him stroking my back. Goose flesh appears all over my body as I wonder what reward he will claim for comforting me.

"I will tell Langar to feed you the medication intravenously," Neroon says compassionately and helps me lie down again. "You need to sleep as much as you can."

"The nightmares..." I object and close my eyes in fear.

"Tell me about them," Neroon instructs. "Please trust me."

"Tell you?" I repeat. "How can I ever tell you?" Lying on my back makes me uncomfortable and I try to roll over onto my left side. Suddenly hands are helping me roll over and I bury my face in the pillow. Tears continue to flow down my cheeks and I start to pant as images from the past slam into the present.

"You can," Neroon says reassuringly.

In his eyes my own vulnerability stares back at me.

"You must."

"No," I whisper shocked. How can I tell Neroon what Shitaro did to me?

"Try, Marcus," Neroon says and opens his arms.

I move towards him. My need for contact baffles me. Wrapping his arms around me he pulls me back in his lap. The close physical doesn't scare me, as I realize he can take me whenever he wants to. Nothing can stop Neroon if his mind is set. But I desperately need to know I'm not alone. As Neroon carefully slides his arm underneath my knees to pull me close I don't resist.

"Tell me, Marcus."

Neroon folds his arms around me after settling onto the platform. He tucks my head underneath his chin and I sigh strangled. Panicking I shake violently in his embrace. Shitaro's words return to me and I repeat them. "I'm worthless. I'm nothing... I've got no name..."

Neroon shakes his head. Saddened he says, "You're a ranger and your name is Marcus. You bested me in Down Below."

"No," I exclaim in a frenzy. "That was someone else!"

Neroon raises my head and looks into my eyes. Quickly I look away, embarrassed beyond reason. "I'm nothing. I'm a whore," I repeat constantly.

"Do not believe what Shitaro beat in to you!" Neroon says determined.

"Hurt me," I suddenly whisper for no apparent reason, "punish me, hurt me."

"No," Neroon stutters, fighting his anger. "Don't punish yourself for Shitaro's crimes. He will answer for his crimes eventually."

"Then kill me," I mumble afraid. Nothing makes sense any more. The calm that washed through me earlier is gone, because Neroon insisted I told him about my nightmares, about the things which Shitaro did to me.

"That's no solution either," Neroon points out. "You will recover, heal in time. You cannot expect your mind to recuperate this quickly. Let me guide you, help you."

I struggle in his arms to free myself. The struggle is futile as I lack the necessary strength.

"Stay," Neroon says and kisses dark hair.

I tense up in his arms. Did he really kiss me?

"Rest, Marcus."

His soothing, hypnotic voice calms me down and I stop fighting him. "Don't hurt me," I say again as fatigue returns, together with the fear.

"I won't," Neroon promises.

Pressing my hands against the bandages around my ribcage I tremble in fear. Finally my mind can't take any more and shuts down.

IN DARK PLACES PART 5

NEROON

I briefly leave the medical facility to instruct my crew and I also send a message to Shakiri, telling him that personal matters take precedence at the present and I hope Shitaro hasn’t informed Shakiri yet that I demanded Marcus being handed over to me.

Returning to the medical facility I find Marcus in the process of waking up. The sedative has worn off for the most part and Langar signals me to softly approach the platform. I still wonder why humans prefer to sleep at this angle, which tempts death. Are they so eager to die? I sit down in my chair and watch Langar change the IV-bags. A large pillow has been placed underneath Marcus’ head and eases his troubled breathing.

I know from personal experience that Marcus will react hysterically for the next few days to anyone close to him and I feel truly honered by the obvious trust he placed in me during these last hours. It must be hard on him to depend on a Minbari warrior after Shitaro hurt him that badly.

Up until now I refused to think about Narrier, the lover I lost in the Earth-Minbari war. Narrier was young and cocky when the humans took him prisoner. They used tactics similar to what Shitaro applied to break Marcus and suddenly I remember we copied their methods after finding out what they did to our brethren.

Narrier took his life 4 months after we freed him and his crew. I had to tell Narrier all the time who I was, as he thought I was one of his tormentors and Langar had to force-feed him all those months. Narrier pushed me away, shut me out because shame had taken over. He was too far-gone to accept guidance. I still hear the whispered apology as I found him near death in our quarters that fateful night.

Looking at Marcus I know recovery will take a lifetime. The only bright spot is that Marcus thus far accepted my help contrary to Narrier. I don’t know why Marcus reaches out to me in this way, but I thank Valen he allows me in. Valen, let this be a good sign. Marcus is too young to die. My heart pounds loudly. Narrier never allowed me this close. Narrier kept me at a distance and froze every time I tried to touch him.

Marcus is still asleep and gently I place my hand on his brow to convince myself his fever is gone. “Sleep, Marcus,” I whisper, leaning in closer and plant another soft kiss on his brow. I fell in love with him during Denn’sha but never had to chance to express that emotion. Now I must act like I don’t possess these feelings for Marcus’ sake or I will chase him away. Marcus pushes himself deeper into the comfort of the pillow. If only Narrier had reacted this way! I had been prepared and determined to help Narrier through the ordeal, but Narrier isolated himself instead. Marcus however isn’t shutting me out and that might save his life.

Anger aimed at Shitaro rises in my throat as Marcus’ earlier words torment me. [I’m nothing, worthless.] They twirl in my mind and I cringe, remembering the hurt in Marcus’ voice. But you’re asleep now, I muse and smile seeing Marcus’ fluttering eyes. The neural suppressive Langar gave him will remain effective for a few more hours.

“You should rest as well,” Langar says.

I nod my head. “I know, but I cannot leave him. I want to be here should he wake up unexpectedly.”

“Narrier’s death almost destroyed you as well.”

Langar is right. After mourning his death for all these cycles I still bleed inside. “Marcus offers me a second chance,” I say determined. “I won’t let him down.”

“His survival depends on your determination,” Langar agrees.

“Then let me stay here,” I sigh and close my eyes, trying to banish Narrier’s face from memory.

“I fear for your sanity should Marcus die,” Langar admits honestly.

“I can deal with it,” I assure him, though I’m not sure I’m telling the truth. I’m growing attached to Marcus and shortly I will have to make this official.

“Then stay,” Langar replies and walks over to Marcus to change his catheter bag and adjusts the drips. “Inform me when he wakes up.”

“I will,” I promise. I appreciate the fact that Langar gives me some privacy. As the healer leaves the room I gently stroke Marcus’ hair. He can’t hear me and I feel confident enough to address him.

“Love is a strange emotion,” I muse, “and hits one when you least expect it. I’m attracted to you, Marcus and though I know you don’t feel the same way I want to help you recover.”

Moving over to the com console I access my personal files and write a message addressed to the Great Library at Yedor. “My entire family died in the Earth-Minbari war.” I continue, “There’s no family I can shame by sending this official declaration stating that you’re now part of my clan. Shitaro will at some point uncover the truth and demand your extradition. This way I can protect you. And when you’re ready to return to Babylon 5 I will let you go. I want you to live the life you envisioned for yourself before Shitaro got his hands on you.”

Sending the message I realize there is no way back and I sit down on the platform, close to Marcus. “Do you need me?” I whisper and slip my hand underneath his neck.

Marcus stirs and I suck in my breath. Did he hear my confession? “Marcus?”

“Scared…”

Is the only answer I get. “Don’t be scared,” I assure him and pull him close again. Sitting upright I support his body that feels awfully cold in spite of the warming blanket. Marcus immediately snuggles up to me and a strangled sigh leaves his lips.

“Warm…”

Smiling, I envision strangling Shitaro after beating him to near death with my Denn’bok. For a long time I wanted to kill the humans who tortured Narrier and now I find myself in love with one.

Leaning against the wall with my back I assume a more comfortable position and ensure the IV’s aren’t cut off. Pulling the blanket back in place I cherish the feel of him this close. “Sleep, dream of pleasant things,” I whisper and bury my face in his locks. Briefly I feel like I’m betraying Narrier, but he has been dead for many cycles and I need to move on.

I don’t expect Marcus to love me back. After the trauma he went through he will never again trust a Minbari male and certainly not a warrior. I damn Shitaro and know he killed Marcus’ fierce spirit.

The rangers call it Moradum, the application of terror. Originally it was a warrior caste tradition. They adopted it, seeing the truth in facing one’s worst fears. Marcus will have to face Shitaro after he recovered or he will be damaged for the rest of his life. Closing my eyes I concentrate on his pounding heartbeat beneath my fingers and assured he’s alive and recovering I follow Langar’s advice and allow myself to drift off into sleep as well.

Marcus moves about in my arms and that wakes me. I quickly open my eyes to see what’s causing his discomfort. “Marcus?” Looking at his face I notice tears flowing down his cheeks. “Did you have a nightmare?” I thought the medication would prevent him from dreaming.

“No, no nightmare,” Marcus whispers and tries wiping away his tears, but only manages to raise his arm halfway.

“Then tell me what’s wrong,” I insist and secretly push the button that will alert Langar that he’s needed in here. “Look at me,” I say determined and don’t give in before his eyes meet mine. They are filled with agony and I wish there’s a way to free him of his pain.

“I don’t want to live any more,” Marcus mumbles.

My heart turns cold. “Don’t say that,” I admonish him softly, “There is so much to live for.”

“Like what?” Marcus asks angrily and raises his head.

“You’re a ranger,” I start, but he cuts me off.

“I =was= a ranger!” he yelps in despair. “Now I’m… nothing.”

“No,” I object. “In your heart you will always be a ranger.” I want to tell him that I know what he’s going through, but he won’t believe me. Hurt as he is, he can’t believe someone else went through the same pain. I can’t blame him.

“I can never return to Babylon 5,” Marcus continues in an upset tone. “My presence would be an insult to Delenn and they’ll avoid me, treat me with pity… I don’t want that.”

“Then stay with me,” I offer in a heartbeat.

“How can you stand looking at me?” Marcus asks in a broken tone.

“You are beautiful to me,” I reply honestly. “Shitaro… “ Hearing that name sends Marcus off in a raving frenzy and he whispers incoherently. “Marcus, calm down,” I say and remember he liked me rubbing his back. Using that knowledge to my advantage I slip my right hand underneath the blanket to stroke his back and shoulders and the tactic works. How can it be that my touch assures him he’s safe? Narrier went berserk whenever I accidentally touched bare skin as it sent him off into the past.

“Beautiful?” Marcus questions, “I’m a whore… you should treat me like that and not…”

“I understand your anger,” I tell him, “But don’t aim it at yourself.” I do understand what he’s doing. By assuming the role Shitaro pushed him into he doesn’t have to face his rescue.

“At whom should I aim it then? Shitaro? He’ll laugh in my face and make me submit in a moment… and I can’t be mad at you,” Marcus admits and stars to sob openly.

“Be mad at Shitaro, be angry at the Universe or Delenn who sent you on this mission. No, listen,” I chide him as he jumps to Delenn’s defence. “Shitaro hurt you. You’re the victim, Marcus.” I tried telling Narrier he wasn’t to blame for what the humans did to him, but he never listened.

“Yes, he hurt me,” Marcus mumbles slowly.

Surprised, I sense his arms sneaking up my back to pull me closer. I’ve got to be careful now.

“You’ll hurt me too, Neroon.” Marcus whispers and lifts his moist face to look at me.

“No,” I whisper, “never.” This is just the first test I need to pass so he will trust me. There will be many others.

Finally Langar arrives with another bowl of soup, hands it to me and leaves us alone, knowing that I connected to Marcus in a way he never can. “Here, eat,” I instruct and push away some stray locks. “You must be hungry.”

Disbelief stares back at me as I place the bowl at his lips. This time he takes his time to empty the bowl as he realizes that I’ll let him finish it. “Empty it completely,” I tell him and he complies at once. Putting the bowl down I study his lucid eyes. He tries hiding the hurt, but it shines like a dark light from the bottom of his soul. “You didn’t answer my question,” I remind him. There’s a distinct possibility he forgot about it.

“Question?” he whispers embarrassed.

“Will you stay with me as you do not wish you return to Babylon 5?”I remind him.

“Do I have a choice?” he wants to know. “Where else can I go? Back to Shitaro’s cell perhaps?”

Anguish speaks from his words and I rock him in my arms. “Quiet now, you’re safe here and I’m honored to have you for a guest.”

The sobbing begins again and I revert to stroking his back. We sit like this for long moments and all I know is that he needs me. “Why don’t you go back to sleep?” I ask, concerned because he’s this emotional. The wounds are too raw to address yet.

“Sleep, yes,” he whispers and rests his head against my chest.

His trust in me baffles me and I’m determined to honor it.

Hours later I carefully get up from the platform, as I need to stretch my body. My muscles ache and slowly I pace the room. Looking at Marcus I’m relieved he’s still soundly asleep. It’s been 36 hours now since I found him and already I feel confident that he will survive Shitaro’s torture.

Narrier had already gone in to terrible fits of anger aimed at himself by now and was beyond my reach no matter how hard I tried.

Marcus needs a distraction as long as he’s confined to bed. Left to his thoughts he’ll focus on Shitaro and what he went through and that will drive him insane. I have to find an activity that will keep him occupied. Maybe I can teach him the warrior caste language and have him read Tee’la.

Langar arrives again and checks on Marcus’ IV’s and injects new medication. After Marcus threw up the pills Langar decided to supply him the medication in this way.

“I want an update on his medical condition,” I tell Langar and gesture him to join me in the corridor. I can’t take the risk of Marcus hearing our conversation, not knowing what it is Langar will share with me.

“Neroon,” Langar starts after closing the door until it is only ajar. “Marcus is healing, but…”

“Tell me more about his physical condition,” I ask, knowing this also takes my friend back to the past and I wonder whether he’s afraid to see Marcus end his life too.

“His injuries,” Langar says in a worried tone, “his broken ribs have started to mend. The bandage keeps them in place, but they will hamper him for one or two more weeks.”

I nod my head in acknowledgement.

“His hands and ankles are a different matter. Without surgery he will limp and using his hands will be difficult at best.” Langar raises his hands to demonstrate the places where Marcus’ wrists are broken.

“What about his internal injuries from the sexual abuse?” I cringe slightly, going through a deja vu.

“The bowel damage is repaired,” Langar replies in a calm tone. “We both know it’s his emotional state we need to worry about.”

“Very true,” I agree. “He doesn’t reject my presence,” I ponder aloud.

“A good sign,” Langar admits, “But you have to be careful, my friend. Marcus already depends on you.”

“I know,” I sigh. “But I rather have him depend on me than pushing me away and shutting me out.”

“Did you already talk to him about returning to his own people?” Langar asks while keeping a close eye on his patient through the window.

“He wants to stay. Marcus is afraid to face his friends.” Walking over to Langar to study Marcus I add, “I sent a message to Yedor, declaring him part of my clan in case Shitaro dares to reclaim him.”

Langar nods his head once. “You know the caste will find out you took him in.”

“I’m alone, the last of my dynasty. I shame no one with this action,” I explain.

“He’s waking up,” Langar realizes.

The compassion I see in his eyes assures me he’ll back me up all the way.

“You should go to him. He will be scared, waking up all alone,” Langar suggests.

I know it’s the truth. “One more question. How much longer must he stay in bed?”

“At least one more week,” Langar replies, worried. “Don’t rush him, Neroon.”

“I won’t,” I reassure my friend and then step back into Marcus’ room. His eyes are searching the room, panic alight in them. He lifts his head hearing me enter and I smell his fear. Eyes wide he stares at my uniform. Inwardly I curse myself. I should have changed into robes.

“Neroon?” he says softly, uncertain whether he’s allowed to speak aloud. Narrier showed the same characteristics as Marcus does now. Anger, fear, listlessness, helplessness.

“Yes, I am here,” I reply and walk over to the platform. “How are you? Are you in pain?”

Marcus appears to mentally check his injuries, as he lies unmoving. “No, no real pain,” he replies at last.

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable?” I offer and I already know the answer.

“Your… clothes,” Marcus whispers and trembles at the sight of my outfit.

“Look at my face instead,” I advise, planning on changing my clothes the next time he falls asleep. Marcus obeys at once and lifts his green eyes. “Would you like something to drink?” I inquire.

“Yes,” he admits shyly and pushes himself in a sitting position. I can tell he’s still hurting as he hisses his pain.

“Let me assist you.” I walk over to him and pull him close. Hesitantly he rests his body against my chest. Pushing the pillow into place I help him rest his back against it. “Better?”

“Yes,” Marcus admits.

His lowered eyes make me feel angry with Shitaro. “You can look at me, talk to me,” I assure him, but know it will take a long time before he can act normally again. Damn you, Shitaro for breaking him! One day we’ll face Shitaro together and Marcus must challenge him to Denn’sha to get back his sense of self-worth. All I can do in the meantime is to help him recover.

“I’m afraid,” he whispers and seems to shrink into himself.

“I know,” I reply and slowly cup his chin in my hand. I need to convince him that he won’t be punished for looking at me. As I raise his chin Marcus trembles violently. I sit down next to him and cock my head as our eyes finally meet. “See? Nothing bad happens,” and I catch his evasive eyes with mine.

“You’re kind,” Marcus stutters and tears appear in his eyes.

His ability to cry and show his vulnerability still takes me aback. It will keep him safe from the darkness in his mind. “Let me comfort you,” I offer and open my arms. Marcus hesitates and finally I pull him close. “I won’t hurt you, Marcus.”

“If only I could believe you!” Marcus cries out.

I know he wants to believe me, but has been hurt too badly to trust again. “Give it time,” I say reassuringly. “We will face your past together.” Marcus sobs uncontrollably in my arms and I stroke his hair. As he relieves himself tremors shake his body. “Don’t be ashamed for needing medical attention,” I chide him softly. Melting into my embrace he shakes his head.

“I don’t deserve to live.”

His words cut my heart in two. Nothing I say will change his mind, but I’ve got to try. “You deserve happiness, revenge for what they did to you.”

“Happiness?” Marcus repeats baffled. “Look at me! No one who knows what happens to me will ever want to touch me! I’ll be alone for the rest of my life! I’ll never know love.”

I catch the undertone to his words and lock eyes with him. He reluctantly gives in and shyly returns my stare. “Explain yourself.”

“I… always wanted to wait for that special person to be intimate with for the first time,” he chokes out and hides deeper in my embrace.

Struck by the unfairness of that revelation I state, “Shitaro took your innocence.”

“Yes,” Marcus admits.

For the first time I notice the simmering anger beneath his scared expression.

“He raped me!” Marcus yelps, nearly hysterical. “He had his guards taking turns raping me! I couldn’t fight them off… In the end I offered myself to Shitaro!”

“Marcus,” I say, trying to calm him down. “You hurt tremendously, I know that, but you need to heal, not to tear yourself apart.”

“It hurts!”

Marcus sobs and stares into my eyes. The things Shitaro did to him appal me and my arms wrap themselves even tighter around him, protectively, possessively.

“It hurts so much… They raped me…”

Hearing him repeat it all over again I sigh relieved. Narrier denied too many times what they did to him, at least Marcus is facing it. “Hush, Marcus,” I start and his raving stops. “I’ll care for you…”

“I’ll need a lot of your care… seems hardly fair for you to spend this much time with me,” Marcus objects and suddenly struggles to get away.

Holding my breath I know what’s doing. “Don’t shut me out, Marcus. I promised to stand by you.”

“Noooo,” he yelps as pain makes him give in and he stops fighting.

“Your injuries still hamper you,” I realize and wipe away his tears with my fingertips.

“Don’t leave me,” he pleads and I draw in some deep breaths. The first emotional storm has passed. He accepts me as his emotional support. “I will stay with you as long as you want me to,” I promise sincerely, “But now you should eat and drink something.”

As on cue Langar enters with a tray. Marcus pushes himself closer towards me and I feel bandages underneath my fingers. “Langar wants to help you too,” I remind him; certain Marcus doesn’t remember me introducing him to the physician.

Langar places the tray on the side of the platform. It’s filled with Minbari fruit, soup and Nata.

“Eat something.” I take one of the fruits and peel it. Then I offer the soft flesh to Marcus. “You don’t need to chew,” I assure him, knowing his jaw must still hurt.

Gingerly, Marcus takes a bite out of it.

“Do you like it?” I want to know.

“It’s sweet,” Marcus comments and continues to eat the rest.

Smiling at Langar I feel relieved and I notice a similar expression on his face. We’re both hopeful Marcus will recover, but it will be a long and painful way getting there.

IN DARK PLACES PART 6

MARCUS

Neroon settles down into the chair after I ate most of the food items that the older Minbari brought me. I still have a hard time remembering names. The way he looks at me I can tell he is concerned and that touches something deep inside of me. Maybe I’m not that worthless after all.

“Can I ask you a question?” My tone is hesitant, as I’m still apprehensive about addressing him, remembering Shitaro’s wide range of punishment.
“Of course you can,” Neroon replies and smiles reassuringly.

“Why help me?” Pushing myself into the pillow helps me to stay seated upright and I weakly return that smile. These last hours came as a surprise. I never expected to escape Shitaro’s prison and Neroon… I now remember everything that happened in Down Below and med lab later on. One can’t say we parted as friends, but I don’t have any other choice as to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Neroon’s eyes waver and I feel like I crossed a line. What am I doing, asking such a personal question? I should be content being alive, warm and fed! “Ignore that question,” I say ashamed. “I have no right to ask you that.”

“I…”

It’s the first time ever I hear him stumble over his words and I wonder why. “I’m sorry.” I start, “I never wanted to ask…” He cuts me short.

“I once lost someone very close to me because he was tortured the same way you were.”

I never expected that revelation and bite my lip. “I’m sorry,” I repeat, realizing I conjured up some painful memories.

“You asked and I told you the truth,” Neroon said. “Do not feel embarrassed about it.”

“Thank you,” I reply and look down the blanket to escape his gaze. The gloves, which cover my hands, feel odd and I know socks of similar fabric support my ankles. I’m still not used to the catheter, but realize I need it. I can’t walk or get out of bed.

Neroon surprises me most though. I remember his arrogance, but little is left of that now. As he sits next to the platform I remember him holding me when I was hysterical. I can’t help wondering whether he really cares for me or if it’s just an act. Maybe it’s only because he feels morally obliged to help me because we fought that day.

Shifting slightly on the platform I feel thankful that someone rigged it horizontal. My body still aches, though the terrible pain I experienced in Shitaro’s cell is gone. “I didn’t thank you yet for…” My voice falters. I still can’t pronounce Shitaro’s name aloud. “For getting me out of there.” Neroon simply nods his head and I notice the hurt in his eyes. Somehow my pain affects him too. “I never thought you…”

“Care enough for a human to free him from Shitaro’s claws?”

Neroon finishes the sentence for me and I cringe hearing that name. “Yes,” I admit and realize how little I know about him.

“I don’t blame you,” Neroon continues, “I must have appeared very arrogant and self centered the day we fought.”

I can’t repress the smile that forces itself onto my face. “That’s an understatement.”

Neroon chuckles and relieved I join in. For one moment I was scared he would take it as an insult.

“You’re right again,” Neroon says and his smile brightens.

Seeing that smile surprises me. What really baffles me is to see him in brown robes. After I mentioned to him that his uniform made me uncomfortable he changed his clothing.

Watching the fluids drip through the IV’s I wonder what they’re feeding me. But I feel calm and pleasantly relaxed so I decide not to bother to ask. “How long have I been here?” I want to know instead.

“Almost three days,” Neroon replies. “You were asleep most of that time.”

I know he wants to address Shitaro, find out why I was onboard in the first place, but I can’t face the pain yet. “I apologize for my behavior,” I whisper, remembering screaming at him, sobbing in his arms. I lost all control and I feel ashamed for doing so. Why didn’t Neroon reject me? Hand me over to his medical staff? Why take care of me personally? These questions torment me, but I’m too shy to ask him.

“You seem better,” Neroon says and smiles.

“Yes, I am,” I reply and then tremble slightly, realizing I’ve got to add something. “Thanks to you,” I whisper shakily.

Neroon smiles at me and I avert my eyes.

“Why are you avoiding my eyes?” he asks curiously.

I start to blush for no apparent reason. “I don’t know,” I whisper and close my eyes.

“What are you thinking about?” Neroon asks and pulls his chair closer to the platform.

Involuntarily I flinch back. “I hate the smell in here,” I admit in a lost moment and I’m scared I sound ungrateful.

“I understand, but Langar wants you near. Maybe I can arrange for you to be moved to another room?” he offers.

I wonder why he wants to help me. I’m thirsty, but feel awkward asking Neroon to wait on me. After all he’s an Alit and… [Never address the Alit! Lower your eyes!] The words kick in without warning, and hurt, I curl myself into a ball. “Get out of my head!” I whisper in dread.

Neroon acts at once and the next moment he’s beside me, sitting on the platform. He doesn’t touch me, but just sits there as if waiting for me to tell him what to do. I groan as my memories return to haunt me, my stomach contracts in pain, reliving the abuse.

“Will you let me hold you? Comfort you?” Neroon asks and I don’t know how to react. I know he soothed me before, rocked me in his arms and his hypnotic stroking of my back calmed me down. I don’t even want to know why he has this kind of effect on me. He scares me gutless, being a Minbari warrior and yet…

“Yes,” I whisper, as the pain becomes unbearable. Surrendering to his strength I allow him to pull me close and I bury my face in his robes, which feel soft.

After gathering me in his arms he soothingly strokes my back and I shiver in his arms. Why do I reach out to him like this? Knowing he can overpower me in a second, I tremble.

“Marcus,” he whispers and then grows silent.

I wonder what he wanted to say. His body feels warm and I find myself snuggling up to him. As before he pulls me into his lap and I feel content, suddenly realizing why I allow this. “You’ll protect me… You won’t hurt me…”Surprised, Neroon locks eyes with me, and this time I don’t shy away. The answer is in his eyes. I’m right. “You care for me?”

“Yes,” he simply replies and offers no other explanation.

Drowsy I fight to stay awake. “Is your physician feeding me sleeping meds?”

Exchanging a look with Langar who is standing in the corridor Neroon sees the nod. Dealing with Narrier’s trauma taught him to never lie. “Yes.”

“Are you always this honest?” I wonder and close my eyes completely. I’m safe in his arms and can let go of the fear.

“No, not always,” Neroon chuckles as I slowly doze off.

“So what’s different about me?” I ask. My speech is slightly slurred due to fatigue.

“You deserve the truth.”

“Thanks,” I whisper and smile as I finally succumb to sleep.

Opening my eyes I look about questioningly. Neroon is no longer at my side and my stomach growls in hunger. Cocking my head I search the room and finally realize I hear voices in the corridor. I immediately recognize Neroon’s. Reassured he’s close I try raising my right arm. Although it hurts I manage to lift it halfway. Bending is still impossible and I try moving my fingers slightly. The resulting ache stops me and I release the breath I’ve been holding. I’m a long way from being healed.

I stare at the wall and suddenly I realize I’m no longer in the same room! The walls are bright yellow and the sickly sterile smell is gone. They moved me and I didn’t even notice it! An IV has been removed, but one needle is still attached to my left lower arm. They didn’t insert it into the back of my hand, as the bones must heal. The catheter remains though and that tells me they don’t expect me to leave my bed shortly. Bed, I muse, rigged platform is more like it! But the pillow underneath my neck and head is at the precise angle to relieve the pressure on my broken ribs.

Suddenly, uninvited, Shitaro’s voice penetrates my thoughts. [You’re worthless, nothing, my whore!] If only that voice would stop yelling at me! Panicking I throw my arms into the air to cover my ears. “Stop screaming,” I beg and tears slide down my face.

Neroon notices me waking up and immediately hurries inside.

“Please, help me?” I plead and roll over onto my left side to assume a foetal position, which makes me feel somewhat safe.

“I’m here,” Neroon says, “What upset you?”

“I keep hearing Shitaro’s voice,” I confess and sob uncontrollably.

“He can’t hurt you any longer, Marcus,” Neroon says reassuringly. “He doesn’t even know you’re alive.”

“Please hold me,” I beg and feel guilty about staining his robes with my tears. Immediately his embrace tightens and all I want to remain like this forever.

“I’m holding you,” Neroon says softly.

I’m once more surprised as he gently places a kiss on my hair. “How can you stand touching me?” I whisper upset.

“You’re the victim, Marcus. You’re not to blame. I want to help you heal,” Neroon explains in a compassionate tone.

“Heal?” I echo, “I will never heal.”

“You will,” Neroon states determined and forces me look up. “It will take a long time, but you =will= heal!”

“Just hold me,” I murmur embarrassed for being this weak.

Neroon nods his head. “You will heal!”

Somewhere along the line I fall asleep again.

I’m amazed at the amount of sleep I’m getting. Maybe it’s my body simply shutting down, perhaps it’s part of the healing process, but the next few days this is how I survive.

I wake up for a short time and Neroon is there, he always is. He usually offers me soup or fruit to eat, reassures me I’m safe and then I drift off into sleep again.

“Marcus?”

Neroon’s voice wakes me from my shallow sleep and I immediately open my eyes. I no longer flinch seeing him sit at my side. He’s still wearing robes. I haven’t seen him in a warrior caste uniform for days and I appreciate his thoughtfulness. Slightly dizzy I fight to sit up and eventually Neroon helps me. A tiny part of me is still scared when he’s this close, but I know he won’t harm me. Why, I don’t know.

“How long?” I mumble, moistening my chapped lips. These last days are nothing but a string of sleepy moments intertwined with waking sensations. My question confuses him and I try again, “How long have I been asleep? Been here?”

“You’ve have been here for nearly 2 weeks now.”

Neroon’s answer takes my breath away. “That long?” I reply, “I thought it was only a few days!”

“Sleep aids the healing process,” Neroon explains patiently.

I remember his admission that they’re giving me sleeping meds. Another voice carries through the room and this time I flinch.

“You remember Langar, don’t you?” Neroon asks.

I quickly search my memory. The name sounds familiar, but…

“My personal physician?”

Suddenly I remember the old Minbari who was in here a few times during the moments I was awake. “Yes, I do,” I reply and search the room. Langar stands behind Neroon and I immediately look into his eyes. They’re kind and I relax somewhat. If they had wanted to hurt me, they had the chance to do so from the moment I came onboard. Instead they truly seem to care for me.

“I need to examine you, Marcus and I need you conscious,” Langar says in a soft tone.

“Examine me?” I repeat slightly afraid and quickly look into Neroon’s eyes. “You’ll stay, please?”

Neroon appears embarrassed. “I want to give you some privacy,” he starts.

But something in my eyes tells him I’m terrified.

“I’ll stay,” he then gives in.

I sigh relieved. In a reflex I try reaching out for his hand and I’m stunned to find that my right arm actually moves. Neroon looks pleased seeing me move about. “Look,” I whisper and manage to flex some of my fingers.

“Don’t overdo it,” Neroon warns.

His smile has a surprising effect on me and I return it. For a brief moment I wish I could stay here forever. Langar picks up a small medical scanner and runs it over my body. I fight to stay calm and unmoving. Not knowing the outcome I wonder how much longer I’ll be confined to bed. Remembering they broke my ankles I know I won’t be able to walk for at least a few weeks more.

“Can you raise both your arms for me?” Langar asks concerned.

“I’ll try,” I say and manage again to partly lift them, but they feel heavy and I have to lower them again.

“Good, you’re making progress,” Langar says pleased.

I bite down the ugly memory of Shitaro telling me the same thing. I don’t want him in my head and desperate I stare into Neroon’s warm eyes instead. Something must have given me away as his smile grows sad.

“And now your legs,” Langar signals Neroon who slowly pulls the blanket up to my knees.

“Can you lift them?”

Momentarily petrified I stare at my bruised shins and swallow hard. I’ll never forget the moment the guard broke my ankles with his bare hands. Lifting them hurts and I‘ve got to give in and lower them back onto the bed again.

“I expected as much,” Langar says, but doesn’t seem overly concerned.

Only now I realize the last IV has been removed and I look up questioningly.

“Yes, I stopped administering you sleeping medication,” Langar admits. Turning to Neroon, “You can take him to your quarters.”

“His quarters?” I ask stunned. What’s going on here? Why would Neroon want to do that? I belong here, not in his rooms.

“I want you out of this medical facility,” Neroon says in a kind tone. “As long as you’re here you’ll feel crippled.”

“I’ll always feel…” I’m scared to end that sentence as Neroon looks at me in a displeased way and by Valen, I don’t want to anger him. He’s all I’ve got left at the moment.

“Neroon will help you should you need to go to the bathroom,” Langar continues.

I find myself nodding obediently.

“I will also remove the catheter.” Langar asks Neroon, “When will you leave?”

“The moment he’s ready to go.”

Neroon’s answer makes me feel apprehensive. I don’t want to leave this secure place, but my mind tells me that is why they’re doing it. It’s time to face the truth.

“Then I’ll remove it now.”

My eyes quickly close hearing that answer. I don’t want to see myself naked. The thought disgusts me and I pray this will be over quickly. Langar quickly removes the catheter and I realize how dependent on Neroon I have become. Going to the bathroom is something I can’t do on my own. I need his help.

“See?” Neroon says pleased. “It didn’t hurt.”

He’s right. It didn’t. I expect them to put me in a wheelchair, but first they dress me in white robes. White stands for innocence in Minbari society and I flush bright red as Neroon pulls me to his chest to drop the garment over my body. “Why white?” I want to know and flinch as the soft fabric covers my bruised body.

“Because you’re entitled to wear it,” Neroon says steadfast.

I can’t hold back the tears any longer and they drip from my chin hearing his answer. “I’m not,” I chide him.

“Yes, you are,“ Neroon replies and smiles.

Finally satisfied with the way I look he slips a hand underneath my knees and the other underneath my lower back. I forget to breathe, remembering Shitaro throwing me on my back. Neroon gently lifts me from the platform and pulls me close.

“I’ll take you to my quarters now,” he says and bows to Langar.

I’m too terrified to answer him as I can only think of what will happen once we’ve reached his quarters. Will his behavior change once we’re in the privacy of his rooms? What if this is just an act? My heart is pounding madly and I tell myself to never protest his actions, no matter what he wants from me.

He carries me into the corridor and I rest my head against his chest. Even after all these hours of sleep I feel drained. The corridors are empty and I wonder if he ordered his guards to keep them clear. His footfalls echo all around us and I try to breathe shallowly to not put any extra pressure on my broken ribs.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, we arrive at his quarters and fear clutches my stomach. Looking about my eyes first locate two couches which have been pushed together to replace a bed. Pillows and blankets lie on top and strengthen that image.

“Minbari do not sleep in beds or in the horizontal,” Neroon explains.

Like I don’t know that! But I let him, feeling content as he lowers me onto the soft sofas. He pushes a pillow underneath my neck and head and I can’t help trembling as he rearranges my robes and the blanket. Is he personally going to look after me, I wonder surprised? “Neroon?” I say questioningly and try placing my right hand on his. The result is truly pathetic, as I have to rest my wrist on the back of his hand.

“Yes?” Neroon sits down and waits for me to continue.

All of a sudden I’m lost for words as I stare at my deformed hand the glove can’t hide. The silence quickly becomes uncomfortable, but Neroon stays seated, waiting for me to find a way to continue. “Why look after me in person?” I finally choke out.

Neroon nods his head as if expecting that question. “It is time for us to address a few issues,” he says and sighs heavily.

I wonder what is upsetting him.

“Many cycles ago I lost my lover, a young warrior called Narrier. He took his life after being tortured by humans.”

“Humans?” I repeat stunned.

“Yes, during the Earth-Minbari war he was taken prisoner and questioned for information. They resorted to the same tactics Shitaro used on you.”

His words cut deep wounds into my soul and finally I begin to understand something about this Minbari. “You took me in to extract revenge for what they did to your lover,” I realize and tense all over my body. It was just an act he put on after all and now that we’re alone… God, help me, I plead privately. I escaped Shitaro’s hell just to be delivered into Neroon’s hands… Panicking, my breath comes in spurts and I wish Shitaro had killed me after all.

IN DARK PLACES PART 7

Neroon

“No!” I quickly interject, seeing terror in his eyes, “I am not going to hurt you!” My words don’t seem to reach Marcus as he starts to pant in fear. His eyes close and his body goes limp. Unintended, I scared him witless. “You’re going through the same pain Narrier did. I want to help you survive. I want you to live!”

Slowly Marcus opens his eyes, but I can tell by the way he looks at me he doesn’t believe me. Why would he after what Shitaro did to him?

“Please kill me quickly,” Marcus pants heavily and rolls over on his other side, facing away from me.

“I won’t hurt you,” I promise, but don’t reach out for him. He won’t accept my touch now that he fears me and I curse myself for the way I put what happened to Narrier. I should have refrained from telling him humans hurt Narrier like that.

Marcus trembles and raises his arms to protect his head as if he expects me to lash out at him. I opt for action and walk over to my private collection of music crystals and insert one. Maybe it will calm him down. “I will prepare a meal for us,” I tell him and head over to the luxurious kitchen unit. Normally my cook prepares all meals for me, but I don’t want to confront Marcus with a stranger.

Looking over my shoulder I study him. Marcus can’t see me, as the kitchen is located behind him. He slowly lowers his arms and disbelief covers his face. The crystal contains the sound of the waterfalls near Yedor where I have a residence. I love listening to the sound of water rushing down the cliffs. “Are you hungry, Marcus?” I ask and add the name on purpose.

“No,” he replies in too soft a tone.

It tells me he’s still intimidated. “Then I will only prepare some fruit for you,” I say, knowing very well his stomach can’t take any heavy dishes yet. Walking over with the tray I place it on the side of the couch. Marcus peeks at me, trying to determine my mood, as he’s afraid to anger me.

“You seemed to like this one,” I say and offer him the fruit he devoured in the medical facility. He doesn’t accept it as his hands remain at his sides. “Marcus?” I ask, alerted by the empty stare in his eyes.

“Yes, Alit?” he replies emotionlessly.

His tone makes me cringe. “My name is Neroon,” I remind him gently. He’s disconnecting himself from me and I can’t allow that. If only I’d known he’s this scared! Putting the food items back on the tray I reach out for him and pull him into an embrace. I expect him to fight me, but instead he remains motionless. “Marcus, I care for you. That is no lie. I won’t hurt you!” Tucking his head underneath mine I once more kiss his dark hair.

Shivers run down his body and finally Marcus sobs in my arms as he realizes I’m telling the truth. “Yes, let go of the fear,” I whisper pleased. I remind myself to be more careful in future when addressing Narrier.

“Neroon?”

Hearing my name roll off his lips pleases me and I raise his chin so we can lock eyes. “Yes, Marcus?” Then I realize he only spoke my name to ensure I’m really here and not a fragment of his imagination. “You must eat,” I say and hold him close while bringing the fruit to his lips. First he suckles it, and then he opens his mouth to swallow it. Marcus eats everything I offer him and finally I lower him back onto the sofas. “Rest now.”

“Thank you,” Marcus whispers with half closed eyes.

I stroke his hair, brow and neck. Soft mews escape his lips and I wish I could tell him of my attraction. But that will only frighten him as he might assume that I want to take it to the physical level. But I know he’ll never again allow anyone to take him. Shitaro hurt him too badly. I would be content to just have a spiritual relationship as long as he allows me to hold him close, kiss him, and tangle my fingers in his hair.

“Will you stay close?” Marcus asks in a drowsy voice.

“Yes,” I assure him and hearing my answer he lets go of his fear and falls asleep, leaving me with the question of how to help him truly recover.

Reading through the latest reports I find a message from Shakiri telling me I’m excused to take care of any personal matters for as long as I need to. I feel relieved for it means Shitaro isn’t suspicious yet. A good sign!

Moans coming from the sofa alert me that Marcus might need me and brushing away all papers I make my way over to the couch. The blanket and robes are twisted around Marcus’ body and I grow concerned seeing him assume a foetal position again.

“No,” Marcus moans.

Shitaro is haunting his dreams again. Marcus has to address and face Shitaro. The longer I postpone this, the more difficult it will be for him to speak about it. “Marcus, wake up,” I say and shake him gently. This time I’m determined to make him open up.

His eyes flash open and horror lingers in them. I catch the emotion before he can try locking it away. “Marcus, you need to talk things out.”

“I can’t,” he objects weakly and tears fill his eyes.

“Tell me about the first 5 days you spent in captivity,” I start, offering him a safe start. Sitting down on the edge of the sofa I wait for him to make up his mind. “It will make the nightmares go away.”

“No, it won’t,” Marcus replies frightened.

I offer him my hand and he awkwardly grabs it. He lacks all strength in his fingers so I wrap my fingers around his. Beneath the fabric of his gloves I trace his deformed bones. “Tell me.”

“The first 5 days?” he repeats.

I know he’s trying to establish whether it’s safe for him to address those days.

“They starved me,” he says eventually, avoiding eye contact. “Shi…”

His voice drops and I caress his face gently, not pressuring him to continue, only offering him my support should he want it.

“They never asked questions. I think he enjoyed my misery.”

“I’m sure he got some perverse pleasure out of your pain,” I agree, surprised he’s willing to open up to me. Why couldn’t Narrier take that step so long ago? “What happened after those 5 days?” I ask, already aware of the answer. Marcus clamps down, as sounds no longer escape his lips. “Darkness replaced the lights,” I tell him and as he stares into my eyes. I ruthlessly continue, “Then the beatings started.”

“Yes.” Marcus takes over and his body trembles.

“What triggered the abuse?” I ask and he cringes, seems to shrink underneath my gaze.

“I refused to tell him my name,” Marcus remembers with sudden clarity.

“You’re a brave man,” I assure him and smile. Now comes the hardest part. This is where I risk sending him off in hysterics. “Make me understand what you went through during those last 5 days.”

Marcus stares at me in utter disbelief, as he never expected me to address the issue head-on. “I need to understand,” I explain to him, “I need to know how to help you.” Privately I pray to Valen that he finds the strength to face his past.

“The first time,” Marcus whispers and tries hiding underneath the blanket, “They dragged me into the corridor, Shitaro and two of his guards.”

As he talks his voice changes intonation, like he’s talking about someone else and worried I rub my fingers over his knuckles, honored by his trust in me to see him through.

“At first I thought they just wanted to beat me up and although the pain was awful I could take more. I know how to disconnect myself from it, but as they ripped my clothes from my body I realized…”

His tone now becomes frantic and his body shakes violently. “Take your time,” I advise and use my other hand to stroke his hair. He allows it and as his eyes stare into the distance I know he’s back there, in that corridor where they forced themselves on him. “I want to help you,” I say determined. “You’re not alone.”

“They pushed a towel into my mouth so I couldn’t scream,” Marcus says and sobs softly. “He shoved himself inside in one firm push and I thought my body would explode. A moment later Shitaro ordered him to stop, as he wanted to take me himself.”

I can’t sit there any longer. I need to take him in my arms, but the sofa offers me no room so I lift him from the couch and sit down on the floor, cross-legged and firmly holding him in my arms. In a startling emotionless tone Marcus continues.

“I never thought it would hurt that much… I felt utterly degraded.”

“Marcus,” I say in a loud tone as I try to make him focus on me. It’s unhealthy for him to remain in the past like this. But he ignores my efforts.

“I’m nothing, Neroon, no matter what you say. Shitaro used my body…”

“No, he =abused= it,” I correct him and Marcus lifts his watered eyes. “What Shitaro did… is a crime.” I struggle for the right words but they elude me.

“No, I was weak… I didn’t fight him. No one will ever want to be with me. I’ll die alone.” Marcus shakes his head in anger. “And I was saving myself for true love!” Marcus suddenly explodes and adds in a harsh tone, “No one will want me as a lover, not after what Shitaro did to me!”

I pull him even closer and listen to his heartbeat as it pumps blood through his battered body. “I promise you’ll encounter true love one day.”

“True love?” Marcus exclaims hurt. “I told you before I’m a disgrace to the rangers…”

“Will you let me love you?” I say. Startled I realize what I just revealed to him.

“You? Love me?” Marcus repeats automatically.

Stunned, we look into each other’s eyes. “Yes,” I finally confirm, “if you’ll have me, that is.”

“Neroon,” Marcus sobs, “I’m scared… I don’t know why you’re saying this, but… I’m not worthy of your attention!”

“Yes, you are. You’re a warrior,” I remind him and as he shakes his head to deny it I stop him and repeat my question. He needs something, someone to live for. Marcus must know that he doesn’t have to face this alone. I never thought about revealing my secret this soon, but it looks like he needs to know why I’m taking care of him. “Will you let me love you?”

“Why?” Marcus whispers completely stunned.

“Because I’m in love with you.”

IN DARK PLACES PART 8

MARCUS

“Love me?” I whisper in disbelief, “How can you possibly love me? I can’t understand how you can bear being close to me!” My voice is strained as I fight for control, but the way he looks at me is beyond words. The amount of sorrow, compassion and yes, love, reflected in his eyes make me feel humble.

“Marcus,” Neroon starts with a sigh, “You have to stop thinking of yourself in this way. Shitaro tortured you. You carry neither blame nor guilt.”

“No,” I object. “No matter what you say, my honor is gone. I should ask you to help me perform ritual suicide. That way I won’t disgrace the rangers any…” Angry, Neroon grabs my shoulders and I wince slightly because of the pain it causes.

“NO! Stop placing the blame on yourself! Narrier did that too!”

His tone surprises me and I finally realize it’s fear that’s fleeing his lips. “Why are you afraid?” I ask baffled.

“I do not want you to take your life like Narrier did,” Neroon admits in a guilty tone.

His fingertips caress my face and I swallow hard. This Minbari is a mystery to me and I don’t have the energy to solve it. I only want to sleep and never again wake up.

“Narrier blamed himself as well and shut me out. He didn’t understand that I loved him, that he still was a worthy mate. I won’t allow you to take your life because of what someone else did to you!”

Nervousness sounds in his voice and I realize this is hard on him too. “Neroon,” I start, uncertain what I want to say, “I’m so sorry that Narrier didn’t see that you still loved him, but you don’t have to do this. You’re lying by telling me you love me. It isn’t necessary.”

Saddened, Neroon shakes his head. “You aren’t listening.”

“I am listening,” I berate him, but fatigue makes it hard for me to concentrate. “You should drop me off somewhere. I have no business being on your war cruiser. Have you forgotten that you hate humans?”

“I do not hate you,” Neroon states determined.

Briefly I wonder about his resolve. “Neroon,” I start again, trying to get through to him, “I am not Narrier. You don’t need to ‘save’ me. We aren’t lovers!”

“But I want us to be lovers,” Neroon says in a clear voice.

His tone makes me shiver. “Neroon,” I whisper and can’t control my emotions any longer. I tried to reason with him, but… I’m just too fucking tired. “You don’t love me.”

“How do you know that?” Neroon wants to know.

Peeking at his eyes I see surprise and despair, an odd mix. I never thought him to be insecure. “I can’t do this,” I admit and rest my head against his chest. “You make me feel safe and I need that… need you, but… that’s taking advantage of you and that isn’t right.”

“Marcus,” Neroon whispers softly.

He raises my chin with his hand and I have no other choice than to answer his stare.

“Study my eyes. They do not lie. =I love you.=”

To hear those words makes my stomach turn and dry heaves start tormenting my body. Struggling for breath I focus on the floor and almost cry out as Neroon’s hands slip under my robe to stroke my back. “Don’t touch me!” I hiss and the dry heaves change in to hyperventilating.

“Shst,” Neroon whispers and takes the corner of my robes to put them over my nose and mouth. “Try to calm down.”

But I can’t. “You… can’t love me… I won’t allow it!” I pant as my breathing slowly regulates itself. “Why are you doing this to me? Why didn’t you let me die when you found me?” Staring in to his eyes I yelp, “Please let me die.”

“No,” Neroon replies steadfast.

Neroon tightly wraps his arms around me. Resting his back against the sofa he moves me into a different position. I let him, as I’m unable to stop Neroon. Finally lying down in his arms he places one reverent kiss on my brow.

“Rest, recover… find your true inner self again,” he says compassionately.

Tears slip down my face hearing them and he lures me into telling him the truth. “I can’t believe you love me.”

“Fool,” he berates me.

Briefly I smile at his tone, which is filled with love and understanding.

“I fell in love with you during Denn’sha,” he says and strokes my hair softly. “I could not kill you because your courage baffled me. I admire your cunning, your skill at fighting. I wish I had told you this before I left the station, but I was confused about my feelings.”

“Are you really telling me the truth?” I wonder and can’t resist looking up to see the expression in his eyes.

“I can not lie to you.”

“Neroon…” His answer echoes in his eyes. Oh God, he loves me. “This is wrong.”

“No,” Neroon objects, “Shitaro hurting you… that was wrong!”

As Neroon mentions that name I freeze in his arms.

“I’m sorry.”

Neroon immediately apologizes as he realizes what effect that name has on me. “It isn’t your fault,” I reassure him and wonder about the measure of safety I’m experiencing in his arms. “You should scare the hell out of me after what happened, but… God help me, I trust you.”

Pleased, Neroon smiles and for the first time I feel like I might overcome this trauma. What Shitaro did to me is beyond comprehension and scarred me for life. I’ll never be rid of those images, the pain, but maybe… “Hold me tight?” I beg as I realize that Neroon is offering me support and unconditional love. It might be the thing to pull me through.

“Yes,” Neroon whispers and tightens his hold.

Finally really relaxing in his embrace I smile hesitantly, a smile he can’t see. “You’re all I have,” I admit and cry silently in his arms. I never cried this much in my life. “Look at me… pathetic excuse for a ranger…”

“Don’t be that hard on yourself.”

I know he’s right, but I’m wallowing in self-pity, feeling hurt.

“Time will show you how to cope with these memories.”

“I don’t believe that,” I protest, but snuggle up to him and slowly raise my gloved hand to touch his face. “Just don’t leave me alone. Not after what you told me just now. I need you, need you close… need you to love me.”

“I know,” Neroon whispers.

“Your love might convince me I’m not useless after all,” I admit to him and shake in his arms.

“I will love you,” he promises and kisses the palm of my hand, which means he’s actually kissing cloth.

“I never thought you could be this… gentle.” Confused, I watch his pupils dilate.

“I am not a brute.”

“No, you aren’t.” His smile assures me everything is fine and I close my eyes. This conversation exhausted me and feeling cherished and safe I let go of reality.

IN DARK PLACES PART 9 A

Neroon

I move Marcus back to the sofa after I’m sure he’s soundly asleep. Seeing him break down in my arms has shaken me more than I want to admit, but the trust in his eyes gives me hope. Only if he allows me in can I help him recover.

Stroking back some stray locks I watch Marcus curl himself into a foetal position, but this time his dreams remain undisturbed by nightmares and relieved, I smile. I will guard him to the best of my ability.

What will be my next step? I can’t help thinking about Moradum. Marcus will remain frightened until he faces his nightmares. I should force him to relive his imprisonment, but it seems inappropriate. Perhaps there’s another way to help him cope by confronting him with his second worst fear. My physical presence scares him, but the threat of my affection frightens him even more.

My eyes are drawn towards the bathroom. Sooner or later Marcus will have to use the lavatory, take a bath. During that moment he’ll be utterly helpless and vulnerable. But what if he loses this inner struggle I’ll force him to face? What if he cracks down and can’t deal with reality? What if he doesn’t know how to react?

Valen, the last thing I want is to hurt him! Shitaro already nearly devastated his soul. I can’t push him any further… but I must! For his sake and mine. If I want us to have a mutual future I can’t postpone this any longer. For the first time in many cycles I kneel down and say a prayer, asking Valen to help Marcus through this ordeal.

A soft groan attracts my attention and I quickly get to my feet. Marcus hasn’t been asleep for long and I’m worried Shitaro is haunting his dreams. But seeing the weak smile on his face I know Marcus is fine. His mending hands rest against his chest. That reminds me… I took an oath to extract revenge on Shitaro. Maybe I should try forming a plan to accomplish that.

“Neroon?”

The mumbled word reaches my ears and I slide closer, sitting down on the edge of the couch. “I’m here, Marcus,” I say in a warm tone.

“Neroon…”

His tone has changed and I caress his face. Marcus moves closer and I know he needs me. Pulling him close I hold him in my arms. I’m glad Marcus accepts my help, my support. “I will keep you safe.”

Marcus’ eyes open and calmly he stares into mine. His expression has changed, much to my relief. The madness seems gone, but sweat glistens on his brow. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes,” he admits.

His hesitant smile warms my heart. Is it really a sparkle of trust that simmers in the depths of his eyes? Oh, Valen, I do hope so. “It is time,” I whisper. Marcus shivers in my arms as if he suspects what will follow.

“What?” Marcus stammers.

Shivering violently he tries escaping my stare. “To face your fears.”

“Please no, not yet…”

His big eyes beg me not to do this, but there’s no other way for him to overcome his fears. “Moradum,” I state resolved and start sliding his robes down his shoulders. I see his bruised skin and I hope he realizes why I’m doing this. “Let me guide you.”

“Please don’t do this to me, please!” Marcus whimpers.

Hearing that tone tears my heart in two. “Do you trust me?” I ask and hold my breath. If Marcus says no recovery will take much longer.

“Yes,” Marcus whispers barely audible.

I nod my head once as I pull the robes down his chest. I try hard to ignore his shivering, but his pain is mine too and I can’t disconnect myself from it. Pulling Marcus to his feet the robes end up on the floor. “Trust me,” I repeat and slip an arm underneath his knees.

“I’m scared,” Marcus admits.

He closes his eyes as I lift him up in my arms to carry him to the bathroom. “I know,” I say in a soft tone and suck in a deep breath feeling the moist hot air rise from the bath. Marcus doesn’t react and I wait patiently for him to fight his private demons.

IN DARK PLACES PART 9 B

Marcus

"No, that isn't necessary," I whisper and hear the fear in my voice. I understand why Neroon is doing this and that he doesn't want to hurt me. But it has to be done if I ever want to learn how to cope with my fears. Naked, I feel exposed and utterly vulnerable. The knowledge that I can trust Neroon doesn't help, as the past gains a stronger hold on my thoughts. Being naked reminds me of my cell and being at Shitaro's mercy.

"What are you going to do to me?" I ask Neroon and cringe seeing the large pool of water. This bathroom is almost as big as my quarters on Babylon 5! Not surprising, as he is in command and an Alit. The title makes me shake. Shitaro is an Alit too.

"I won't hurt you," Neroon replies calmly.

Slowly, he lowers me into the warm water. I'm surprised to find crafted seats in the pool made of an unknown substance, but it enables me to sit upright. My bruised ribs hamper me momentarily until I shift my position. Looking up at Neroon I freeze in terror. The Minbari is taking off his robes

as well! Now I understand about his plans for my Moradum. "No, don't do this," I ask pleadingly. Neroon quickly shoots me a glance.

"I am not going to force you," he says in a compassionate tone.

That doesn't reassure me however. I lost my capacity to trust during my captivity. As his robes drop to the floor I close my eyes, trying to banish out the fact that Neroon is naked now. The water moves about as he sits down next to me. Naked skin brushes mine and I almost panic. There's nothing I can do to stop him should he decide to take advantage of this situation.

"Looking me in the eyes might make things easier on you," Neroon says compassionately.

I forget to breathe as one of his hands slips behind my back. "No, please." I manage to choke out the words, but the sensation of feeling his naked skin leaves me shattered.

"Open your eyes, Marcus," Neroon repeats in a gentle tone.

This time I can't stop myself from looking at him. Neroon's eyes are warm and open. His weak smile tells me he is worried and I start to relax. Neroon won't hurt me. That certainty makes me weep and I hate myself for showing this weakness. His hands stroke my back, shoulders and finally slide down my chest. Fear returns and I shiver all over my body.

"If you want me to stop, tell me," Neroon orders.

"Stop," I yelp as his fingers explore my body. The moment I speak that word his actions stop, but still I feel his hands caress my skin.

"Marcus," Neroon whispers content as his other hand fingers a stray lock.

I lean back as he leans forward. But his lips find mine anyway and his kiss is soft, gentle as a summer breeze and I am unable to say that one word that will make an end to this.

"Yes?" he inquires.

"I don't know," I whisper as his lips claim mine once more. This time his tongue succeeds in making me open my mouth.

"I love you," Neroon whispers in between kisses.

Hearing that admission makes my eyes water. "You shouldn't," I chide him without commitment. His hands come up behind my back and press me into his chest. I can't stop the tears flowing down my cheeks. Briefly I wish I could crawl inside his body and hide there forever. I don't want to live like this, with fear lurking around every corner, at every touch.

"But I do," Neroon replies steadfast.

Simply holding me like that long moments pass and I start to feel comfortable having him this close. "Why do I trust you?" I ask aloud.

"Because you know I won't hurt you, because you know I love you. Our souls are kindred spirits."

Neroon kisses my brow, moves to my eyes and kisses them too. Tears still escape my eyes and I sigh as he kisses them away, sucking up the salty liquid. "Promise me something?" I stutter hesitantly.

Neroon crooks his head and waits for me to continue. A dark fire burns in his almost black eyes and I moisten my lips. "I don't want to return to Babylon 5... never. Can I stay here? With you or somewhere else? Far away from the space station?"

"Yes," Neroon says without hesitance. "I'll be close. You'll never be alone again."

Satisfied I rest my cheek against his smooth hairless chest.

I must have fallen asleep in his arms because Neroon's attempts to carry me back to the sofa wake me. "What?" I ask, stunned that I was comfortable enough to fall asleep like that. Neroon smiles reassuringly and then kisses me. I flinch slightly as he places me on the floor to wrap a soft towel around my shivering body. He picks me up again and carries me back in to the living area.

I feel relieved sitting upright against the huge pillows, but as Neroon's hands start rubbing my skin I'm paralyzed, remembering his intimate touch moments ago. Although the feel of his hands makes me almost nauseous, I bite my lips and let him continue. Suddenly I'm wrapped up in warm and immensely soft blankets and as Neroon rolls me back on to my side I notice his sly grin.

"You do trust me," he says smugly.

That brings a smile to my face. "Yes, I do," and for the first time I realize it's the truth. I do trust him. I elbow myself in to a more comfortable position and watch him sit down opposite me. "Tell me something?" I say hesitantly.

"What do you want to know?"

"You keep telling me that you love me, that you want to take care of my as long as we live..." My courage suddenly eludes me and I don't know how to proceed.

"Yes?" Neroon says.

"What does that mean? Am I yours now? And do you expect me to act in a certain way so I can stay? I know I phrased that wrong, but..." Looking up pleadingly I hope he understands what I'm trying to ask. Neroon leans in closer and his breath slides along my neck. He's once more wearing his robes, but I still remember his muscled body, sheer bundled strength. Neroon can overpower me in a second, but he never will.

"No, =I'm yours=," he says in a soft tone.

Relieved that he understands my disability to formulate my questions I say a soft prayer. The last thing I want is to piss him off because of a misunderstanding.

"I feel we belong =together=. No one owns another person," Neroon explains.

I smile hearing that comment. "I wish I never encountered Shi..." I still can't speak his name without experiencing the terror all over again.

"I share that desire," Neroon admits.

He gently places his hand on mine. I wonder how long I'll have to wear the gloves and socks which appear to be water resistant, as the bath didn't affect them.

"As far as our future is concerned," Neroon says softly, "you are officially part of my clan now. I sent a message to the central library, naming you my mate."

"You did what? When did you do that?" Stunned, I stare in to his eyes.

"While you were resting in the medical facility. I want to ensure Shitaro can't claim you."

Neroon rests his forehead against mine and stares deeply in to my eyes.

"I never asked you officially if you want to be my mate," Neroon whispers, "I am asking now though. Do you want me as your mate?"

I don't need to think about that question. "Yes," I reply determined. Tainted as I am, no one else will ever want me and Neroon can help me heal. His love seems real and I need someone to love me.

"That is settled then," Neroon says pleased. "We will perform the necessary ceremony in time."

"Ceremony?" I question surprised.

"Yes, why are you surprised? I am proud of having you as my mate."

Neroon's words stun me and speechless I allow him to kiss me again. I have no idea what the future has in store for me, but I know one thing for sure. Neroon will be at my side to support and love me.

IN DARK PLACES PART 10

Marcus

"Do you want more Nata?" Neroon inquires in a friendly tone.

He is refilling my empty teacup, as taking hold of items is still difficult. My fingers are still mending. Now, almost one week after Neroon forced me to face my fears, I'm starting to realize that I might never use my hands or feet properly again.

Remembering his question I nod my head. “Would love some," I admit. I'm seated opposite Neroon and I accidentally drop the piece of sweet bread, as my fingers can't close around it. Neroon refrains from picking it up, waiting for me to try first.

Neroon has become my lifeline and hasn't left my side since that first day. We are still onboard the Ingata, wandering through space. I wonder what he told his crew to explain this strange decision.

"Marcus? Langar expects us in 30 minutes," Neroon says and gets to his feet.

He's still wearing robes; black ones this time and I'm grateful he didn't slip back in to his warrior outfit. "I know," I acknowledge and shiver slightly. Neroon coaxed me in to leaving his quarters a few days ago, but when a Minbari warrior headed our way I simply went limp.

Leaning back against the comfort of the sofa I study my reflection in the glass surface of the square table. My face is haggard and my eyes big with worry. I lost considerable weight and no matter how much Neroon coaxes me in to eating, I sometimes throw the food right up again. One startling memory about Shitaro is enough to make me freak me out.

I look at Neroon and see the calm in his eyes. It's a mystery to me how he manages to stay in control of his feelings and never grow angry with me. The patience he shows in dealing with my anxiety attacks still baffles me. After that one time in the bathroom he never touched me that intimately again. It was only a test to see if I would tell him to stop. I did and in his eyes I passed the test. I think I failed.

"Marcus?"

His voice is closer now and I suddenly realize I've been staring at the wall without hearing him return. The Nata still lies on the table and although I'm hungry I can't bring myself to try and grab it with my useless fingers. "I'm fine," I reassure him, but it's a lie. Neroon knows me and I can't fool him. Thank God for that!

"No, you are not," he chides me and sits down. "Tell me what troubles you."

I smile weakly hearing that request. He has asked me that question countless times during these last weeks as he made me open up and tell him my worst fears. "I'm afraid these injuries, " and I point awkwardly at my feet and hands, "are too serious to be healed. I don't want to be a cripple."

"Langar told you that surgery will fix that problem. We'll ask him to set a date for the operation."

Neroon's right hand softly caresses my cheek and I quiver feeling the touch. It's tender and shows his affection for me, which I crave so much! I crave his love, his understanding and his attention. Neroon is all I've got and I need him badly. "Neroon?" I start hesitantly, uncertain what I want to say.

"Yes, Marcus?"

Neroon wraps an arm around me and I lean in to the embrace, resting my head against his shoulder. He's my protector; he'll keep Shitaro, the nightmares and the pain away. Neroon stands between the all consuming darkness and me. "I don't know what I want to say," I honestly admit. Sometimes I just need to hear his voice, feel him close.

"Maybe you'll know later," Neroon replies, understanding instinctively.

I let go of a sigh as his lips softly kiss my temple. His tenderness still stuns me. I expected him to be aggressive and possessive.

"We've got to leave now or we'll be late," Neroon says in a soft tone.

Looking in his eyes I know he understands what dark feelings I'm battling. He never judges me, only supports my decisions. I... respect him even more for that. I hesitate to say, I love him even more for that, as I'm not sure I'm still capable of loving someone. Shitaro destroyed every ounce of trust I had within me and that wasn't much to begin with. "Neroon, wait, I want to try and walk," I say as he's about to lift me in his arms. I don't want to be carried around like that.

"That's not a wise decision," Neroon states and shakes his head disapprovingly. "You tried yesterday and..."

I nod my head, suddenly ashamed for making this request. When I tried to walk yesterday I would have fallen hadn't it been for Neroon's fast reflexes! "Just once more?" I beg and know he'll give in.

"Once more," Neroon says.

Cautiously he pulls me to my feet. My ankles no longer hurt, but I can't place my feet flat on the floor. I lose balance and start to tumble backwards.

"I've got you," Neroon says reassuringly.

Safe in his arms I bow my head in defeat. "I won't be able to walk until after surgery, am I right?"

"Yes, you know that. Langar told you."

Neroon is doing his best to keep me motivated, but I'm losing my interest in my recovery. I'm crippled for the rest of my life. The sooner I accept that, the better. As Neroon lifts me in his arms I bury my head in his robes, afraid of meeting strangers in the corridors. Shy and terrified, I pinch my eyes tightly to block out any strangers. Neroon softly talks to me, about Langar being hopeful of reconstructing my hands and ankles, but I refuse to listen to him. I don't want my hopes up!

I suddenly recognize the now familiar smell of the medical facility and am relieved we made our way without incidents. In the back of my mind I'm convinced Shitaro will one day find out I'm still alive and will come after me to finish what he started and not even Neroon can stop him.

"Neroon, Marcus," Langar says in a cheerful tone. "Let's find out if have made any progress, young Marcus."

It's beyond me why Neroon and Langar keep repeating my name all the time. It feels like they want to assure me I'm still that man, Marcus Cole, but I know the truth. Ranger Marcus Cole no longer exists. He died in that cell, died a shameful death and will never return to the living.

Neroon helps me sit down on the exam bed and then slowly lifts my face. His smile reassures me I'm safe and as I search the room with my eyes I realize Langar is holding a scanner in his hands, most eager to get started. I allow it to happen, never questioning Langar examining me and do whatever he asks of me, raise my head, close my eyes, cough. Well, coughing still hurts as my

ribs refuse to heal properly.

"I am going to remove the support and then make a detailed scan of your hands and ankles. Then we will schedule the operation," Langar says.

Inwardly, I cringe. Surgery means even more pain. "Can't we postpone that?" I ask in a soft tone, still afraid to address someone.

"If that is what you want," Neroon replies in a mystified tone.

I miss the look the two Minbari exchange.

"But why?" Neroon asks confused.

He gently supports my wrists as Langar removes the gloves. "I can't deal with surgery now," I blurt out in panic. "I can take no more pain."

Langar nods his head. "We can wait a little longer, but in the meantime you'll have to use a walking cane and your hands... you'll still need help."

"Neroon can..." I start and then suck in my words. What am I thinking? That he can spend all this time with me? He has a duty to his clan, his men which he neglected for too long. "No, erase that..."

"I'll take you with me."

Neroon seems to have read my fear and soothingly rubs my back.

"You will act as my counsel. That will explain your presence. As long as you keep the hood up you'll be fine."

Looking at my deformed hands and feet I forget about Neroon's words, never wondering why I have to act as his counsel. I can move my fingers slightly and bending my wrist hurts no longer. I might be able to use a walking cane, but picking up things like food will remain impossible. My feet aren't much better. "Neroon, I want to try walking one last time."

Neroon gives me a hesitant look, but I simply stare in to his eyes. "Please?" I add in fear. Neroon grabs my waist and pulls me to my feet. As long as he remains at my side I'm capable of taking a few steps, but then I realize I can only walk because Neroon is nearly carrying me. "I =am= an invalid," I whisper and sit down again.

Langar immediately reacts to that statement. "Surgery will restore your limbs' original functions. Let me know when you are ready to proceed and I will perform surgery myself."

"Thank you," I whisper thankfully, and then turn to Neroon. "Can we go back now?" Neroon eyes me worried. Something troubles him. "What did I do wrong?"

"You can't hide forever," Neroon states resolved.

"I'm not hiding!" I bite back, but know I'm lying. "I..." feeling the urge to recall the lie I add, "I'm not yet ready to face anyone." My reply lures a soft moan from Neroon's lips and as he opens his arms I hug him tightly. "Don't be angry with me!" I beg panicking.

"One day you will be ready," Neroon promises and then looks to Langar. "When do you want Marcus to check in again?"

"Tomorrow," Langar replies and addresses Neroon. "You might try massaging his hands and feet, get the circulation going again."

"I understand," Neroon says contently. "Marcus, do you want to walk or to be carried?"

His question confuses me. Neroon wants me to make a choice. Rationally I know I can't walk the distance back to his quarters, but emotionally I no longer want to be carried like that. "I want to try walking," I decide and expect to see Neroon's disapproval. Instead he says, "Excellent!" and helps

me walk to the door.

"Never forget that you are a fighter, Marcus," he whispers pleased.

Smiling, I hang on to him as I shuffle back to his quarters.

"Sit down," Neroon instructs. "You overestimated your strength."

"I did," I admit and drop on to the couch. Stretching my body fatigue sneaks up on me. "I'm tired," I tell him and look in to his eyes.

"Then rest. I have to read through a few reports any way."

Neroon walks over to his desk and sits down. I can't stop staring at him. A question burns my lips. A question I'm afraid to ask. "Are you serious when you tell me that you want us to be lovers?" I choke out nervously and fumble the blanket, which slips from my hands. I can't even release my anxiety by fumbling a piece of cloth! Why does Neroon want me as a lover?

"I'm serious and honest," Neroon says, looking up from behind the desk. "Why ask now?"

"I... still think you're making a mistake. Look at me!" I'm losing control and that scares me, but I bottled this fear up for far too long! "I'm a cripple, you're a warrior! You should choose a Minbari! Send me away... but not to Babylon 5," I quickly add as I'm terrified of meeting anyone I know.

Neroon acts at once and returns to the couch.

"Marcus," he starts, "no matter what you may think, I love you. I want you to stay with me, share my life with me. Valen, how can I convince you I love you?"

His expression darkens and that urges me to reply. "I know you love me... I see that in your eyes, but you should refrain from consorting with me. I'm human, you're Minbari. I'm without honor, you're..."

"Stop wallowing in self pity!" Neroon suddenly exclaims.

I cringe, close my eyes and start counting, one, two, three...four, five...

"Stop doing that, Marcus! Stop shutting me out." This time Neroon's tone is pleading. "I want to give you something," he suddenly says.

My eyes flash open and I follow him through the room. He retrieves something from a drawer and then sits down on the couch next to me. "I can't accept..." I begin, but Neroon silences me with a frustrated growl.

"You have no say in this!" Neroon opens his hand.

I immediately cringe hearing that tone, cursing myself for irritating him. When will I learn to keep my big mouth shut?

"Take it. It's yours now," Neroon whispers.

Neroon drops a silver like necklace in to my crippled hand and I shiver seeing the Star riders' insignia. "Neroon?" I ask confused.

"You are part of my clan now and as clan leader..." Suddenly he grows quiet and seems lost for words.

"Neroon?" Even more worried I raise my head to study him.

"My father gave it to me the day I revealed my calling. It's a family heirloom," Neroon reveals.

"Then I certainly can't accept it!" I whisper and want to hand it back to him, but Neroon shakes his head.

"It's yours now. You're part of this clan and my mate, something you seem to forget very easily."

I realize I somehow hurt his feelings and I resent myself for doing that. Closing my fingers over the necklace I swallow hard, no longer fighting down the self-loathing about to consume me. "I feel honored you want to give it to me, but... I'm not worthy of such a gift!" I yelp in despair. "I hurt

your feelings by refusing it and I hate myself for..." Neroon suddenly grabs my hands and forces me to look up.

"Marcus! Stop hating yourself for what Shitaro did to you!" he states in an angry tone. "Let me love you and accept my presence. Let me comfort you. Help you heal. You are the victim, the victim!" he repeats in an upset tone.

Silent, lost for words I stare at the pendant and realize there's an inscription on the back. Confused, I try to decipher the tiny words. First I discover my name and then Neroon's, the date of my rescue and a promise edged in to the metal that he'll always love me. Tears fill my eyes and I

start sobbing in front of Neroon. "I'm sorry, so sorry," I blurt out and pull up my legs to curl myself in to a tight ball. "I don't know what to do, what to say... I like you so much..." Neroon slides down on to the couch and folds his arms around me. "Can you forgive me for being self absorbed and hurting your feelings?" I ask and my voice shakes with tremors.

"There is nothing to forgive," Neroon states and gently pushes my head underneath his chin, "but you have to let me in."

"I want to," I moan depressed, "but I don't know how!" And then I unwillingly make that final commitment. "Show me? Help me?"

A smile illuminates Neroon's face and the fire in his eyes takes me aback. As he pushes my sleeves up to my elbows I wonder what's he's up to, but I don't ask. Instead I decide to trust my instincts. Slowly his fingers start massaging the muscles in my arm and hand. Finally curiosity gets the better of me. "What are you doing?"

"You are tense, Marcus."

"I know," I reply jokingly, uncertain how to react. As Neroon works his way up to my elbow my breathing slows down. It's strange, but his touch always soothes me. After working on my right arm for long moments he switches to my left and repeats the procedure. "I'm falling asleep," I sigh and feel the weight of the necklace in my lap. The moment Neroon released my right arm I grabbed the item and pulled it closer.

"Don't fight it. Close your eyes and rest," Neroon says and smiles brightly.

I realize we mastered some kind of crisis but I don't understand what it was about. "You're good at this!" I whisper, giving in to his touch and can't fight my weary eyes any longer as they slip shut.

"Yes, that's it," Neroon whispers pleased.

As he kisses my lips I smile and lock eyes with him. My fatigue is overwhelming me quickly, but first I've got to say, "Neroon? Thank you for saving my life and putting up with me." Neroon wants to reply, but I quickly continue, "I'm honored to be your mate and I promise I'll never again forget that... and that you love me. I hope that one day I can love you back." My words stun Neroon.

"Marcus, I know you cannot love me back."

"I want to love you back," I stutter embarrassed, "but Shi... he stares back at me whenever I..."

"I understand," Neroon says in a comforting tone. "Give it time, Marcus."

"Can I go to sleep now? You aren't angry with me any longer, are you?" I ask hopefully, as this conversation is wearing me down. I simply can't yet deal with this emotional stuff. I feel like letting Neroon down, but... "Hold me a little longer?" Neroon reacts by pulling me close and resting his head on my shoulder. Slowly, I doze off, my hands tightly clinging to Neroon's robes.

IN DARK PLACES PART 11

Neroon

I allow Marcus to sleep for a few hours because he needs the rest. The trip to see Langar tired him and although he's slowly healing physically, mentally he is still living in that cell on Shitaro's battle cruiser. Sitting down, I study his facial expression, which is relaxed in sleep. The terror that sometimes stares back at me still makes me shiver. I can only hope that Marcus finds the inner strength to overcome this enemy within. At least he has accepted my help and I'm determined to see him heal.

"Marcus?" I whisper softly, not wanting to startle him. "I prepared a meal. You need to eat." His weight loss worries me and I hope this time he isn't going to throw up the food. His body is fighting his mind, and both are at war with his soul, which has been cruelly damaged.

"Neroon?"

Hearing his soft voice makes me smile. His eyes reveal remnants of sleep and I offer him my hand to help him get to his feet. Marcus accepts the support and I walk him to the square table. His movement is hesitant, as he can't trust his feet to carry his weight. "Did you sleep well?" I enquire while he sits down. I dislike seeing the black circles beneath his eyes.

"Yes," Marcus replies with wonder in his voice.

I understand. Since his escape brutal nightmares haunt him and he seldom enjoys an undisturbed rest. "Would you like some soup?" I ask and offer him a bowl.

Marcus nods his head and I place it in front of him. "Will you join me for a short walk later?" I want him to regain his strength. He needs to get used to seeing people again, especially my crew, which he is terrified of.

"If I must," Marcus agrees hesitantly.

I refrain from making a comment and watch him struggle with the spoon. His fingers can hardly grasp it. I wait patiently for him to take hold of it. After some awkward fumbling he manages to bring the spoon to his lips. Pleased, I empty my bowl as well.

"You're a good cook," Marcus says and smiles weakly.

"Thank you," I accept the compliment and add, "I only hope you will like the main course as well!"

"Main course?" Marcus asks slightly surprised.

I retrieve the baked and grilled vegetables and place the plates on the table.

"I don't think I can eat that much!" Marcus moans embarrassed.

"Try eating as much as you can, Marcus." I advise him. Marcus pokes one of the vegetables and succeeds in eating it.

"Neroon? About that conversation we had before I fell asleep..."

His voice drops and suddenly I notice that his other hand is clutching the necklace. "Yes?" I encourage him.

"What will our future be like?"

"Our future," I start, pleased that he uses the word -our-, "will be peaceful and free of fear," I promise him.

"You mentioned something about me acting as your counsel?"

His memory is still sharp and I curl my fingers around his hand, which refuses to let go of the necklace. "Yes, in public you will act as my counsel, in private..." and I softly kiss the palm of his hand. Noticing the blush quickly claiming his face I thank Valen that Hirano warned me of Shitaro's plans.

"So we will stay on this cruiser?" Marcus enquires in a mixed tone of curiosity and nervousness.

"Most of the time, yes," I reply, "or at Yedor where I have a residence."

"What if I run in to Shita..."

He's still unable to pronounce that name and I gently squeeze his hand. "He no longer has any power over you, Marcus. You're my mate and Shitaro will never dare to attack us." Leaning back against the couch I realize I have to tell him something else as well. "I will inform the High Court in Yedor of the way he treats his prisoners."

"No," Marcus whispers terrified.

"Why not?"

Marcus remains quiet and I smell the outburst of sweat. Fear has a tight hold on him. "Do not worry, Marcus. You are beyond his grasp."

"I doubt that," Marcus finally whispers.

I know I can't convince him. Only time can heal Marcus' wounds. "Finish your meal," I instruct, hoping I didn't upset him too much. "I need to study a few files later," I inform him. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you?"

"Books would be nice," Marcus whispers in an odd tone.

I've got to pay close attention to catch those words. Books, I wonder? I doubt he's referring to the ancient scrolls. "What kind of books?"

A sudden sparkle shines from Marcus' eyes as he says, "Have you never heard of Shakespeare or Orwell?"

"No, tell me about them," I say invitingly, hoping to stir him from his gloom.

One hour later Marcus is smiling radiantly after telling me about human poets and writers. I must admit I never considered Earth culture to be worth studying. I'm determined to obtain a few books for him so he can spend his time reading. I make a mental note to ask one of my men, Vallo, to acquire them. In space we sometimes encounter Earth freighters and although I usually avoid contact this time I want Vallo to talk to them. Vallo knows Standard and already expressed his interest in human culture during earlier trips to Babylon 5.

"Neroon? You're spacing out on me," Marcus says amused.

I wonder what he just said. "Spacing out?"

"Lost in thought," Marcus explains, still clutching the necklace.

"Yes, there are several matters I have to attend to," I say and start cleaning off the table. "What would you like to do this evening?"

Surprised, Marcus gazes up at me and I realize he doesn't know what to say. His life has been limited to my quarters during these last weeks. "I would like to show you the Ingata. As you will spend a lot of your time aboard the vessel you should know your way around," I say resolved, sensing his hesitance.

"I'm not sure about that," Marcus admits and peeks at the door. "What if we encounter...?"

"Crewmembers?" I finish for him. "What worries you?"

"I don't know," Marcus says in a hoarse voice. "Rationally, I know they won't hurt me, but..."

As he looks up I see fear in his eyes. "You can only overcome that fear by confronting it," I reply firmly. His white robes softly rustle as he gets to his feet. Maybe Marcus isn't aware of his courage, which I greatly admire, but it is urging him to accept my help and will aid his recovery.

"You'll stay close, won't you, Neroon?"

"Yes," I assure him and fold an arm around his waist. I don't want this walk to exhaust him. "I want to show you something first," I say and pull him along.

Slowly, Marcus places one foot in front of the other and I cringe seeing the way his ankles almost collapse underneath his bodyweight. "You shouldn't postpone surgery for long," I warn him. "The sooner you have it done, the sooner you can start getting back to your former shape." A sad smile greets me as I lock eyes with Marcus.

"No need to cheer me up, Neroon," he says saddened. "It's obvious that my hands will never again wield a pike!"

I sigh, displeased with his depressed view. "Even if it is the last thing I do in life, I will make sure you can stand your ground in a pike fight!" I vow.

"Neroon..."

Startled by the tone of his voice I tighten my grip on him. My name was only a whisper and carried a tone I never heard before. It was tender, almost affectionate. Marcus rests his head on my shoulder and one of his hands creeps up my back to return the gesture. It is the first time he takes this kind of initiative and it gives me hope.

"Where are we?" Marcus asks in a baffled tone.

"The command center. Have you never been in one before?" I explain to him that we can monitor a battle from here, instruct the pilots and warriors.

"No," Marcus replies with a smile on his face, "I don't usually end up in the nerve center of a Minbari war cruiser."

In Minbari I tell the computer to start a particular program and a moment later planets, stars and asteroids appear all around us. I register Marcus' surprised gasp and know he never expected this revelation.

"That's Minbar!" Marcus exclaims.

He is swaying on his feet and I pull him closer. Fire appears in his eyes and I instruct the computer to run a different program.

"This can't be real," Marcus whispers astonished. "That's Earth!"

"The images, coordinates, all the information we need are stored in the data banks of the computer," I inform him and watch amused as he extends one hand to touch the wall, which is too far away.

"I love this sight," he whispers, releasing a sigh.

"I knew you would," I confess. Marcus is leaning heavily on me and although the weight doesn't bother me I realize he's growing tired. "We should return to our quarters now."

"=Our= quarters?" Marcus immediately remarks.

A smirk is plastered to his face and I feel carefree for the first time since this nightmare started. "Yes, Marcus."

A few hours later Marcus lies soundly asleep in my arms. Instinctively I know he has taken a great step today, but I will push him further in confronting his fears. It's my goal to have him assist me by acting as my communications officer onboard the Ingata. I will have to break that news very slowly to him, to avoid scaring him off.

Marcus stirs in my arms and attains a more comfortable position. My thoughts drift back to Narrier. Why couldn't he accept my support? And why does Marcus embrace it? Perhaps it's Marcus' urge to survive, to recover. I can tell my looking in his eyes that his past is troubled; yet he never gives in. I only know that he's Babylon 5's station ranger. The rest of his past is a mystery to me and I hope one day he will tell me.

Marcus' hands bury themselves inside my robes and I realize he's cold. After telling the computer to raise the temperature I study his face as I ponder my next move. I decide to coax Marcus in to leaving my quarters for a short period of time each day. I will accompany him during his walks and I definitely want him to meet some of my crewmembers. Maybe if he sees that they can be trusted he will let go of some of his fear. Vallo will accept Marcus' presence without prejudice and I wonder whom to add to that list.

Now that I know what to do I center myself and gather my inner strength. Marcus continually tries my patience when he flees back in to his shell and I keep reminding myself he has every reason to feel hurt and angry. I only wish he would express that anger that must be simmering underneath his frightened exterior.

IN DARK PLACES PART 12

Marcus

I don't feel particularly comfortable wearing these robes, but it's a lot better than being naked. Neroon supplies me with a clean outfit each day, but I wish he would give me decent trousers and a shirt instead. Well, I suppose I could just ask him. After all, he can't read my mind!

Nervous, I wait for Vallo to ring the doorbell. When Neroon first informed me someone wanted to talk to me I stared at him in panic, uncertain how to react to this possible threat. But Neroon explained to me that this young Minbari has an interest in Earth culture and I felt somewhat reassured. Neroon gave his permission without asking me. He probably knows I'd have declined any way.

"Are you nervous?" Neroon says in a calming tone.

He's seated behind his desk while I'm on the sofa. I still sleep on it and that urged Neroon to order a crewmember to construct a human bed so I can lie horizontal. It should be ready tomorrow. He didn't even lecture me on sleeping at such a death-tempting angle! "I'm bloody nervous!" I admit and hide my hands inside the sleeves. I don't want this Minbari to see what Shitaro did to me.

"There is no need to worry," Neroon replies reassuringly, but remains seated. "Vallo is good natured and very friendly... almost too friendly! A warrior should be..."

The doorchime interrupts him and I shrink back hearing the sound. "Do I have to talk to him?" I plead one last time.

"Yes," Neroon decides. "Enter."

My eyes dash in their sockets and all I can think about is that I don't want him to resemble Shitaro! Vallo doesn't. He's young and I realize he hasn't been part of Neroon's crew for a long time. Vallo's green eyes twinkle and he's carrying a metal box. Slightly intimidated I force myself to struggle to my feet.

"Alit, Anla'shok," Vallo says and bows reverently.

I shoot Neroon a confused look. I don't want to be addressed like that! I'm no longer a ranger, but Neroon ignores my silent plea.

"Vallo, this is Marcus," Neroon says and gestures towards me.

I fight to hold my ground as I feel the urge to back away from the Minbari. At a loss, I don't know what to do or what to say. In the end Vallo helps me out.

"I thought you might want these."

Vallo places the box on the table and slowly opens it. I wonder what Neroon told him about me. Judging by his cautious movements Vallo knows I scare easily. Eventually my curiosity wins over my apprehension and I peek inside the box. "Books?" I stutter in disbelief, looking up at Neroon. I remember telling him about my favorite writers two days ago, but I never expected him to act on it!

"Human traders sold them to us," Vallo explains.

I catch the approving glance Neroon gives Vallo and I realize he ordered this transaction. "Are these for me?" I can't believe Neroon would go to such great lengths for me!

"You might consider sharing them with me, as I am curious to find out more about human literature," Neroon says and grins.

"Of course!" I state and cautiously pick up the book on top. I don't care what books they managed to get. All that matters is the gesture and the knowledge Neroon cares this much for me.

Neroon finally gets up and joins us. Only now I notice the tea he made moments ago and as he gestures Vallo to sit down I sink on to the couch as well. Vallo isn't sitting too close to me and as long as Neroon is here I can control my nervousness. Neroon pours us tea and then leans back. His eyes search my face and I wonder what he wants to know. I can't ask him though, not in Vallo's

presence. Caressing the cover of the book with my fingers I read its title. The mists of Avalon... I always wanted to read it as Hasina recommended it to me... a lifetime ago. "Thank you," I finally whisper.

"What do humans say?" Vallo asks. "You're welcome?"

I nod my head and start observing this young Minbari whose eyes stare at me with no prejudice at all. Most warriors loathe humans since they fought in the Earth Minbari war. "That's correct. Your Standard is very good," I say awkwardly.

"I practice when I'm alone. The others don't like your language."

Vallo's honesty makes me relax a little. "But you do?"

"I'm curious," Vallo states. "And both my parents are religious cast which means they raised me to be... open-minded?"

He looks at me questioningly as he speaks that last word so I nod to confirm he used the right term. Catching Neroon's amused eyes I start shying back from this conversation. I'm talking all the time while Neroon should be the one addressing Vallo.

Neroon shakes his head and ignores Vallo's presence. "Talk to him, Marcus. Vallo wants to become a communications officer and I need him fluent in Standard."

Reading the back of the novel I devour the fact that it's about Arthur. I love that particular period in history. Only then I realize Neroon addressed me. "He sounds very fluent to me," I whisper and pretend being absorbed in the first pages of the book. Neroon's next words make me feel queasy.

"You have an appointment with Langar in a few minutes. I'm stuck working through reports, but Vallo can accompany you," Neroon suggests while keeping a close eye on me.

Briefly I fight the urge to retreat to the bathroom and throw up the dinner I just had. I trust Neroon... only Neroon and now he wants me to trust Vallo as well! A Minbari warrior whom I met for the first time only a moment ago! Pleadingly I look in to Neroon's dark eyes and my lips form the word no, without actually speaking it.

"I would be honored to be of service," Vallo says politely.

He leaves me no way out. I'm trapped.

"That's settled then," Neroon decides and returns to his desk.

Vallo gets to his feet and is waiting for me to do the same. I feel paralyzed though and can't move. I don't want to leave Neroon's protection!

"Are you coming, Marcus?" Vallo says and exchanges a glance with Neroon. They talked this through last night when Marcus was asleep. "I almost forgot!" Vallo chides himself and uncovers a cylinder like object. "Here, this is for you too."

Hesitant, I accept the item, which looks like a collapsed pike. "Neroon?" I say, turning towards him. "What does this mean?"

"Langar suggested a cane but I prefer this. Extend it," Neroon replies without looking up from his papers.

It's a pike all right and as I open it I wonder why Neroon would give this to me. "Why?" I ask, no longer paying attention to Vallo's presence.

"Why not?" Neroon counters and finally raises his head. "You're a warrior, and although the Denn'bok was never intended as a means of support it will serve you in that capacity as long as you need it. Later, you can use it during our practice sessions. It's yours now."

"Mine?" I say surprised and instinctively lean on it, as my feet seem to give in underneath my weight. "Thank you," I whisper, honestly touched.

"Now go or you'll be late!" Neroon says. "You shouldn't keep Langar waiting!"

Finally making a decision I walk towards the door, using the pike as my support and I accept Vallo's presence at my side. As Neroon is determined to see me heal, I better shape up and not let him down. I don't want to disappoint him.

It takes me some time to cover the distance to the medical facility and I bite my lip, realizing Neroon isn't close. I wonder about the young Minbari at my side. I don't know that many warriors who have taken the time to master Standard.

Vallo walks beside me in silence but as I peek at his face I notice he's watching me. Concerned, he stays close and I wonder whether Neroon instructed him to watch my every move. I don't know what to say and am not interested in small talk so I remain quiet.

"Marcus," Langar says as we enter the medical facility and gestures me to join him in the exam area. Relieved to be off my feet, I sit down opposite him. "Langar," I start and then grow silent again. I have to admit I like the old healer.

"We need to talk about your surgery," Langar says and eyes me, worried. "It is unwise to postpone it much longer."

"I know you're right, but..." How can I explain to him that I don't want to undergo surgery? That I fear the pain and helplessness of being unable to walk again?

"Why don't we start with correcting your right foot? That way you can still walk about," Langar suggests.

"When?" I want to know.

"Tomorrow," Langar decides. "The procedure itself will only take an hour and then you can leave again. Recovery will take two weeks."

I consider his suggestion. It's the sensible thing to do and I appreciate that they leave the choice to me. "Fine," I finally agree, still a bit reluctant.

"I will make all necessary arrangements," Langar promises. "Anything else you want to talk about?"

Hesitant I gaze at his eyes. I trust him, I finally realize and then blurt out, "I'm confused."

"That's to be expected," Langar says reassuringly.

I shift in my seat as the old Minbari smiles at me. Somehow I know he understands me. “Because of Narrier," I finish my thoughts aloud. "You and Neroon understand me because of what happened to his former... lover."

Langar nods his agreement. "We failed to help him recover. Neroon doesn't want to fail again. He is growing attached to you and I must admit, so am I."

"I feel awkward... being onboard this ship... and Neroon taking care of me personally is something I never expected. When we fought he seemed arrogant."

Langar's smile grows bright. "And what do you think of Neroon now?"

"I like him very much," I confess slightly embarrassed. Now that I started talking I can't stop. I need to discuss Neroon with someone. "He declared me his mate," I say in a baffled tone and stare at the floor.

"Neroon told me he wants this to be official," Langar replies.

His tone is pleased and reassured I return his glance. "I don't understand Neroon."

"Marcus," Langar starts, "I've known Neroon for his entire life and I still don't understand his reasons for doing things a certain way."

I can't bring myself to disconnect from Langar's eyes and say, "I like talking to you."

"I am pleased to hear that," Langar remarks. "I see Neroon decided to give you a Denn'bok instead of a cane?"

"Yes," I grin a bit sheepishly. "He wants me to use it for working out later when my injuries have healed."

Honest, Langar replies, "That will take time, but I'm confident you will be training within a cycle."

I look over at Vallo, who is waiting for me in the corridor. He will want to walk me back to Neroon's quarters and slowly I'm starting to realize that I'm willing to rebuild my life. Thanks to Neroon and Langar's care I might be able to one-day trust people again. But it'll be a lot of hard work and I've got to do it myself. Neroon can only help and support me.

"I will be seeing you tomorrow," I say and slowly get to my feet. I don't know whether I would have made it to the doorway without the support of my new pike.

"Yes, tomorrow, and Marcus...?"

Waiting for the healer to finish his sentence I pause in the doorway.

"Rest and don't rush your recovery process."

"I won't," I promise, knowing bloody well Neroon will keep a close eye on me. Stepping into the corridor Vallo hurries to my side. "Tell me, why do you want to be a warrior?" I ask, consciously setting aside the self-pity I clung to so fiercely, freeing myself of its claws.

IN DARK PLACES PART 13

NEROON

“I’m pleased that you reached an agreement with Langar,” I remark as Marcus sits down on the couch. Once his body has healed he will feel a lot stronger.

“Will you walk me tomorrow?” Marcus asks calmly.

His tone has changed and I study the expression in his eyes, which differs as well. The gloomy fear is gone and I draw in a deep breath. Hopefully meeting Vallo made him ponder his fear. “Of course I will,” I reply. The overall change in Marcus improves my mood and I walk over to sit next to him on the sofa, deciding to refrain from telling him about my actions during his absence.

I received a message from Shitaro, who wanted to know why I hadn’t attended a scheduled meeting. It’s obvious Shitaro is getting suspicious. During Marcus’ trip to the medical facility I also send a message to the High Court in Tuzenor, informing them of Shitaro’s misconduct. I also approached Hirano through Vallo, his brother, and Hirano agreed to testify on Marcus’ behalf if necessary.

“I trust the selection of books Vallo acquired pleases you,” I say, remembering the surprise in his eyes as he opened the box. One thing Marcus still has to learn is to accept gifts.

“Yes, it does,” Marcus whispers and his fingers wander over the covers. “Real books are very precious, valuable.”

I’m surprised as Marcus slowly curls his fingers around mine, but I welcome the gesture. I cherish the expression on his face as he waits for my reaction. In turn I caress his fingers, rub his knuckles and try hard to ignore the still visible scars Shitaro’s violence left.

On impulse I raise my other hand and cover his lips with my fingers. As Marcus kisses them I hiss my surprise and almost pull back my hand.

“Don’t,” Marcus whispers in an odd tone.

I rub my fingertips over his lips and cock my head, wondering what changed during his trip to see Langar. Marcus no longer feels sorry for himself, I realize relieved. Now his recovery has truly started!

I understand he needs time to deal with what happened to him, but I also realize he must make the transition back to real life himself and thank Valen that he managed to do that. “Why don’t you read me the beginning of that book?” I whisper, creating distance between us by ignoring the light kisses he places on my hand. I don’t want Marcus to think that he’s somehow indebted to me and I certainly don’t want him ‘repaying’ me by pretending he’s falling in love with me. I know that’s impossible and I accept that truth.

“I need to address =us= first,” Marcus states in a resolved tone. “You were right earlier when you told me I couldn’t hide forever. That’s what I’ve been doing until now, hiding.”

I nod once. “You need that shelter, protection because you are hurt. But… you’re feeling stronger now, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Marcus whispers and smiles, “But only because of you. I like you, Neroon.”

That admission makes me speechless. What is he trying to say?

“I mean… I can picture us together.”

Marcus appears incapable of formulating his exact thoughts and I don’t push him. Whatever is troubling him urges him to open up and I can’t let that opportunity pass.

“I don’t know how to say this,” Marcus admits shyly. “I trust you. I like you, Neroon… I want to be with you, but…”

“The physical aspect worries you,” I state, helping him out.

“Yes, it does.” Marcus averts his eyes and stares at his hands.

Suddenly he looks lost to me and I gently squeeze his hand. “You determine the limits, Marcus and you must know that I will never force you to do something you aren’t comfortable with. All I might ask is a kiss, an embrace and only if you’re willing to honor that request. I desire a =spiritual= relationship with you, Marcus.” Hopefully this will reassure him. A single tear slides down his cheek and my fingertips catch it. “Are you always this emotional?” I ask in a joking tone, trying to relieve the tension hanging between us.

“No,” Marcus says and smiles apologetically. “People told me I babble all the time and irritate the hell out of them, but they never thought me emotional before.”

“Marcus,” I whisper and wait for him to take the initiative this time. His arms creep up my back and I sense his quickened breathing. I don’t move, refrain from steering him in to a certain direction and feel relieved seeing the smile in his eyes.

“I wish I had realized your true nature before… when we fought on Babylon 5…” Marcus whispers.

I cut him short. “At that time I was determined to stop Delenn and had I been totally focused on that goal, you would never have managed to distract me.”

“Distract you?” Marcus repeats amused. “That’s when you fell in love with me, isn’t it?”

“Near the end of the fight after I broke three of your ribs, an action I should apologize for.” My right hand tangles in his hair and I rub a strand between my fingers. “That was uncalled for.”

“It did hurt,” Marcus confesses and absent minded rubs his ribs. “I like having you close,” he says, suddenly changing subjects, “I never thought I could ever feel like this, considering Shitaro…”

“Don’t speak about him now,” I ask in a gentle tone.

“You’re right. I don’t even want to think about him,” Marcus replies with watered eyes.

As he rests his head against my chest I return the embrace and listen to his heartbeat underneath my fingertips. “It also pleases me that you accept Vallo’s presence,” I reveal to him. “I wasn’t sure you were ready to meet him.”

“He seems to be a nice guy.”

Marcus frees himself of my embrace and leans forward to grab one of the books.

“I always hoped one day I had the chance to read this one.”

“You were going to read for me,” I remind him as he settles back in my arms, opening the book and looking at the first page.

“Are you serious about that? Do you really want me to…?”

“I love hearing your voice,” I say and fail in keeping out a sensual tone. I will always remain attracted to him; no matter what restrictions I’ve got to impose on myself. Surprised, I take in Marcus’ flustered face and smile warmly. “Read for me.”

Turning the pages he clears his throat and then says, “Morgan le Fay was not married, but put to school in a nunnery, where she became a great mistress of magic.”

“Magic?” I interrupt him, as that concept is alien to me. Confused, he closes the book and stares at me in surprise.

“How am I going to explain Arthur to you?”

“Try,” I encourage him, “I’m willing to learn.”

“If you seek to avoid your fate or to delay suffering, it only condemns you to suffer it redoubled in another life.”

Marcus is still reading aloud an hour later after he did his best to explain Arthur to me. “There is truth in that insight,” I agree. “We must face danger and our fears or we will run away from them forever.” This book appeals to me and I would like to learn more, but Marcus sounds tired and I close the book for him. “You will read more for me tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you read some for me?” Marcus asks in a playful tone.

Taking hold of the book I look at the image of a woman holding a sword. “Is this Morgan le Fay a warrior?”

“Somehow she reminds me of Delenn,” Marcus suddenly states. “Delenn… has risen to a position where she holds military power to a certain degree.”

“That’s why I wanted to stop her from becoming Ranger One,” I confess, feeling ashamed I craved that position myself. But the rangers would never have followed me, would never have given their life for me.

“Neroon,” Marcus whispers in a soft tone.

As he snuggles up to me I cherish his warmth, his closeness. I lock this moment away in my memory. “I wonder about this strong attraction I feel towards you, Marcus,” I admit. “I love you and at times it feels like I’ve known you for many lifetimes.”

“Minbari believe souls are constantly being reborn, don’t you?”

I nod once to confirm Marcus’ words. “Maybe you’re right and our souls met before.”

“That’s a nice thought,” Marcus murmurs fatigued, “To think that people are reunited again in another life time. But it’s too good to be true.”

“You’re a true pessimist,” I chide him affectionately.

“What’s new?”

In his eyes I see hurt and I act at once by once more embracing him. “It’s getting late and Langar wants you to rest.”

“You worry too much,” Marcus whispers.

I’m stunned as he softly kisses my lips. His body shakes with the contact, yet he doesn’t shy away. “You’re brave, Marcus. Had this happened to me…”

“Don’t say that, Neroon. You are much stronger than I am!”

Marcus’ tone alarms me. His eyes turn big and I don’t understand what upset him. “What’s wrong?”

“I thought back to…”

There is no need for him to end that sentence for I know he was back in his cell for a brief moment. “That’s in the past,” I say, trying to soothe him.

“I hope so,” Marcus stutters.

His tone reveals he isn’t that sure it’s the truth. “You’re afraid Shitaro will find you,” I state with certainty.

“Yes.”

The single word expresses his terror and I need to reassure him he’s safe. “Never again will he lay his hands on you,” I vow. “I will stop him…”

“But what if you aren’t around?” Marcus mumbles in a hurt tone.

“Then my crew will deal with Shitaro.”

“Your crew?” Confused, Marcus looks up.

“Yes, Vallo and Langar will never allow Shitaro to get close to you.” Staring in to Marcus’ eyes I add, “You made friends on the Ingata, don’t you know that?”

“No, I never thought about that…”

My fingertips glide down his brow and then examine his facial hair. “Marcus, the Ingata is your home… if you desire that.”

Speechless, Marcus stares back at me. “Just hold me,” he whispers and I eagerly comply.

The next morning I wake with Marcus resting in my arms. With a start, I realize I fell asleep on the couch, sleeping in the horizontal. The book dropped on to the floor and his hands rest on my chest. He looks at peace and I press a kiss on his brow, vowing to never leave him.

IN DARK PLACES part 14

MARCUS

Alert, I watch every move Langar makes. He has been working on my right ankle for about 30 minutes now and although the procedure is painless I’m eager to get out of here. Neroon dropped me off and as I followed Langar, Neroon took to pacing the waiting area. I love seeing him concerned as it proves that he cares for me, loves me. I need him to love me right now and I treasure the knowledge that I’m important to him.

“Marcus? You appear lost in thought,” Langar says slightly curious.

“I’m thinking about Neroon,” I admit. “I’m falling in love with him.” It took me some time to admit that to myself, but the truth has finally kicked in. Waking up in his arms this morning forced me to face my feelings.

“I’m happy for both of you,” Langar replies pleased.

A sigh flees my lips as he puts my foot in a cast. “Is that necessary?”

“Yes, and you should avoid putting pressure on it for two weeks,” Langar replies in a strict tone.

“That long?” I say unhappy. I want to start getting back in shape and Neroon promised to help me, but now it looks like that will have to wait for at least 8 more weeks!

“At least! And once that ankle has healed we will repeat the procedure and at last we will correct your wrists.”

“I wish it were already over and done with,” I confess, knowing that taking it step-by-step will be easier on me. Using the pike I walk to the doorway and softly call out, “Neroon?” He’s beside me within seconds and his eyes reveal worry. “I’m fine, Neroon,” I assure him and grab his right arm for support.

Neroon looks questioningly at Langar. “Did everything go as planned?”

“Yes, but see to it he rests,” Langar says and bows before taking leave.

Suddenly I realize Neroon’s concerned look remains and my instincts kick in. “Did something happen? You look worried.” Neroon is reluctant to talk to me and I force him to stop walking. “Neroon, tell me!” I urge him on and finally he looks me in the eyes.

“I received two messages within the last hour. One originated from Shakiri, the other from Delenn.”

Cautious I study his eyes. “What are they about?” Neroon is hiding something from me. Maybe he’s worried I can’t deal with it yet and I accept that concern.

“Shakiri is planning to attack Yedor to seize power on Minbar. The civil war…”

“Wait!” I freeze in my tracks. “What civil war?

“I didn’t tell you…” Neroon starts nervously.

“Then tell me now!” I demand and can’t believe he kept this from me! Thankfully we reached his quarters and while collapsing my new pike I take a seat on the couch. Astonished, I notice the bed in the corner of the room. Neroon ordered it made, but I didn’t expect the Minbari to succeed in constructing it! “What civil war?” I remind him and tell myself to focus on our conversation. Neroon is once more pacing the room and his eyes are fixed on the floor. His tone worries me.

“A few weeks ago the warrior caste decided to take advantage of the power vacuum. Shakiri will force the religious caste to go along with his ideas. Should they refuse he will destroy them or they will be forced to surrender.

As we speak, warriors are attacking members of the religious caste and the situation is turning worse with every passing moment. We are dealing with a global civil war and Shakiri is determined to become the new leader of the Grey Council which Delenn broke.”

Trying to deal with this new information I suddenly realize how Shitaro might fit in. “Shitaro hates humans and…” Unable to end that sentence I rest my hands in my lap, their deformity evidence of Shitaro’s hate.

“Yes,” Neroon admits and looks up, “But now Delenn refuses to give in to Shakiri’s demands and wants to talk to me instead.” Neroon averts his eyes. “At the moment we are on route to rendez vous with her ship.”

Uneasy I shift on the sofa. “I’m not yet ready to face Delenn,” I state nervously.

“She never has to know it’s you,” Neroon says reassuringly as he sits down.

I allow him to pull me in to his lap until I straddle his hips. Slightly uncomfortable I adjust my position and lock eyes with him to find out what’s he up to.

“I wish to kiss you,” Neroon whispers softly.

My heart misses a beat at the sudden change in his eyes, which are now clear with desire. My hands tremble as I rest them against his chest. “I can deal with that,” I say hesitantly. As Neroon makes no move I realize I’m supposed to take that first step. Scared because I don’t know what to expect from Neroon, I lightly brush his lips.

“Only kiss me if you’re comfortable with me that,” Neroon advises me.

I nod my head and ponder my next step. He envelops me in an embrace and I allow him to press me closer to his chest. Neroon won’t do anything without me instigating it and I feel safe enough to claim his lips again, but then an image of Shitaro cruelly grinning at me makes me feel sick and the dry heaves start again. “I’m sorry,” I gulp between heaves while Neroon tightly holds me.

“There is no need to apologize,” Neroon says in an understanding tone.

He soothingly rubs my back and I slowly calm down enough to look up at him again. “I can’t get him out of my mind,” I moan in despair.

“Working through this takes time, Marcus. Don’t push yourself,” Neroon says in a gentle, yet chiding tone. “It’s obvious you’re not ready to take this step.”

As he holds me Neroon places one kiss on my brow. In silence I listen to his heartbeat. “Will I ever be ready?” I ask, scared to learn the answer.

“Yes,” Neroon says resolved.

That answer makes me smile. “You surprise me time and time again, Neroon. I never took you for being patient.” Snuggling up to him I close my eyes and let go of all apprehension and fear. Neroon is right. I need more time. “How long until the rendez vous?” I want to know so I can mentally prepare myself to face Delenn. Even without her knowing what happened to me it will be hard to hear her voice again. I failed her, as I never accomplished my mission.

“Two hours,” Neroon says and sighs deeply. “I vow she will never know it’s you.”

“Thanks, that means a lot to me. I want to help her, serve her as I should, but… I no longer am a ranger, not at heart.” I chide myself for my cowardly behavior but I can’t look in to Delenn’s eyes yet. She’ll see the shame