Title: Take Hold of the Flame
Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Pairing: Juha/ Jonne
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Juha finds a way to bring Jonne out of his blue funk, but then
something happens which he didn’t count on.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money out of
these stories!
Warning: Real Person Slash.
Betaed by DA.
All remaining mistakes are mine.
Part 1
Some days simply sucked and that day was definitely
one of them. He should never have left his bed in the first place!
Jonne's misery had started when he had gotten out of
bed that morning. He'd always kept a glass of water on the nightstand in case
he got thirsty at night and the first thing he had done was to unintentionally knock
it over. The water had dribbled from the nightstand onto the floor and had left
a wet stain on the carpet. Jonne had spent the next five minutes trying to dry
the material.
Already getting suspicious that he might be in for
more trouble, he had moved into the bathroom to take a quick shower. Upon
turning the faucet, icy cold water had descended onto him, making him scream
and jump out of the shower stall.
Realizing that it was going to be a bad day, Jonne hadn’t
been surprised to find the bread moldy and that he had also run out of coffee.
He had surrendered to his fate and had gotten dressed, put on a beanie so he
didn’t have to worry about his bad hair day, and had headed to the supermarket
to buy food. He had hoped his bad luck would go away, but he had been wrong.
Staring at the mess that he had made on the floor,
Jonne sighed and grew increasingly depressed. The handles of his shopping
basket had decided that they couldn’t handle the weight and now his groceries
were spread across the floor. All he could do was gather them and hope nothing
bad would happen when he tried paying for them. He hated days like that day.
His misery seemed to be never-ending.
Jonne sat on his heels and put the coffee, sugar, and
bread back into the basket. Checking on the eggs, he found them broken and
dripping yellow goo from the cardboard box they were in. Sighing again, Jonne
wished the floor would open up and swallow him. He could feel people staring at
him with either pity or amusement, but none of them offered to help, making him
feel even more embarrassed.
“Is this yours?”
Jonne looked up in surprise. Had someone decided to
help him after all?
“Amazing. It’s actually still whole.” The milk bottle
which was made out of glass had survived the fall. Jonne took hold of it and
focused on the man squatting in front of him. Long, red hair framed a handsome
face. The green eyes were lined with black eyeliner and possessed a seductive
intensity. Jonne swallowed hard and felt embarrassed since he hadn’t bothered
to put on any make-up or even to dress up. At the moment he looked like some
homeless beggar and he hated making such a bad impression on the other man.
“Thanks. Saves me from crawling after it.”
“Is it one of ‘those’ days?” the red-haired man asked and
smiled kindly.
Jonne nodded. “It started this morning. Everything
that could go wrong went wrong!” He studied the redhead more closely. Dressed
in black, the other man looked attractive and even a bit mysterious. “I hope my
bad luck will go away sometime today.” His features contorted when he remembered
that he couldn’t use the shopping basket anymore, so he had to awkwardly carry
the groceries in his arms. “I wonder what will happen when I want to pay for
them. The machine will probably spit out my card and refuse to let me pay with
it!”
“In that case, I’ll tag along and keep an eye on you.”
Jonne blinked in surprise. He didn’t know the other
man and yet, the redhead was being surprisingly friendly and helpful. “Are you
sure? With my bad luck, the alarm will go off when we try to leave the
supermarket!”
“Maybe my presence will make your bad luck go away.”
The redhead winked playfully at Jonne.
Jonne got to his feet again as did the redhead and when
Jonne started to walk, so did the other man. It seemed his helper was
determined to follow through and make sure he didn’t get into trouble again.
“I’m Jonne, by the way,” he said, feeling the need to introduce himself. After
all, the redhead had been helpful and kind.
“My name’s Juha.” Juha waited patiently for the blond
to pay.
“I’m sorry, but there’s something wrong with your
card,” the cashier stated as she handed Jonne his card. “The machine won’t
accept it.”
“I just knew it!” Feeling miserable, Jonne searched
his pockets for change. Maybe he had enough cash left to pay that way...but no,
of course he didn’t. He didn’t even come close to the amount which he had to
pay!
Juha slipped the cashier the money and smiled at the
blond when Jonne looked at him questioningly. “You don’t have to –“Jonne
started, but Juha raised a hand and stopped the blond.
“It’s okay. You can pay me back later.” Juha put the
groceries into the plastic bags and inclined his head toward the exit. “I have
the feeling that it’s not safe to let you go home by yourself. Maybe I should
tag along!”
“Why are you doing this?” Jonne frowned. He would have
understood if some groupie had paid for him and offered to walk him home, but
not this stranger! And the way he looked at the moment with his face half
hidden inside the hood of his pink and black hoodie and the beanie, he doubted
anyone would recognize him. “I don’t even know you!”
“I like to help,” Juha replied and shrugged. “It’s my
nature. I always try to rein it in, but it gets the better of me –
unfortunately. So which way do we go?”
Jonne pointed in the direction his apartment was in.
Some time ago, he had considered moving out of the city center to get more
peace, quiet, and, most importantly, privacy, but since most of his friends
lived close by, he had decided against it. So he was still living in the very
heart of
Jonne sped up. He hated the cold and wanted to get
into his warm apartment as quickly as possible, but it would take them at least
ten more minutes to get there and the silence was getting on his nerves. “Do
you live in
Juha shook his head. “These days I live in
Jonne’s shivers grew stronger. “
The redhead smiled at the blond, who looked miserable
tucked away deep in his hood and long coat. “You get used to it and it isn’t as
cold there as it’s in
“I like
“Work! I need to pay the rent and when I was offered a
job at a major company I didn’t think twice and accepted. I must also admit
that living in
“What kind of work do you do?” Jonne moved his shawl
in such a way that only his eyes remained visible. Adding to his misery was the
snow that had started to fall and was quickly covering them.
“I work at Studiotec. I do a
lot of technical stuff,” Juha said. “It’s not the most interesting job, but it
pays the bills.”
Jonne felt relieved when they finally reached his
apartment building, but then he started to worry again. What was he supposed to
do now? Thank Juha for helping him out? Ask him inside for coffee? With his
luck, the coffee maker would spontaneously break down! And then there was the
fact that he owed the other man money!
Juha smiled at the puzzled expression in Jonne’s blue
eyes. “Are you planning on camping out here? It’s rather cold.” He could tell
that Jonne didn’t do well in the cold for the blond was shivering fiercely.
“Sorry,” Jonne said and unlocked the door. “I was lost
in thought.” He opened the door and turned around. “Do you want coffee? I can
check if I've got any cash at home so I can pay you back.”
“Ah well, those thirteen euro aren’t going to bankrupt
me,” Juha replied and winked at Jonne.
At the wink, Jonne felt confused. The other man bewildered
him period. There was something extremely wicked and seductive about the
redhead and it should make his alarm bells go off, but for some reason they
didn’t.
“But I gladly accept your invitation! I can do with
some coffee!” Juha followed Jonne upstairs and waited for the blond to unlock
the door to his apartment.
Jonne opened the door and stepped inside. Warmth
enveloped him and he sighed blissfully. “I should move to someplace warm, like
“But
“Thanks.” Jonne got out of his coat and shawl and
rubbed his hands to warm them. After removing his beanie and seeing how bad his
hair looked in the mirror, he glanced apologetically at Juha. He tried fixing
his hair a bit, but his fingers felt frozen and refused to move properly. “I
promised you coffee. Sit down and I’ll make some.” Jonne removed the coffee
from the bag, took hold of the scissors, and… “Fuck…” He had succeeded in
opening the package, yes, but as a result of his clumsiness, the coffee had ended
up all over the kitchen counter.
Juha drew in a deep breath. Everyone had days like this
and he was no exception. “Why don’t you sit down and I make the coffee?”
Jonne’s first reaction was to object since Juha was
his guest, but when the redhead steered him toward the kitchen table, he
relented and sat down. “Maybe I should crawl into bed and not leave it until
the day is done.”
“Ah, it can’t be that bad! Once you get some coffee
and a bite to eat, everything will look less gloomy!” Juha found the coffee
filters, added the coffee, and filled the machine up with water before
switching it on. At that moment, Jonne’s stomach growled loudly and Juha
returned to the kitchen table, carrying the grocery bags. “Mind if I grab a
bite too?”
Jonne shook his head. “It’s the least I can do after
you helped me out.” He pointed Juha toward the cupboard that held the plates
and the drawer where Juha would find the knives. “I seriously doubt that today
will get any better.” He felt like crawling into bed and pulling his comforter
over his head so he could hide from the world. It was a good thing that
Negative was on a break since all of the members had needed time off from
touring and recording. Fortunately most of the songs for their upcoming fourth
album had already been recorded, which meant he got some breathing space.
Juha put a couple of plates, mugs, and knives onto the
kitchen table and then removed everything from the plastic bags. “Do you live
here alone?” he asked after figuring that, since Jonne had asked him so many
questions, he should show some interest too.
“At the moment, yes…” Jonne moved a slice of bread around
on his plate. He was hungry, but lacked the motivation to actually put butter
and marmalade on it. Feeling depressed like this wasn’t something new. He often
went through periods when he felt like he wanted to crawl away and never come
out of hiding again. Most of the time, he managed to hide it though and hardly
anyone caught on. But something told him that this stranger might have already
caught on.
“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine too. You
don’t know me, so…” Juha had seen a pondering look on the blond’s face and
wondered what occupied the other man’s thoughts. He got up, collected the
coffee, and poured the black liquid into the mugs.
“Thanks,” Jonne said and wrapped his fingers around
the steaming hot mug. He liked his coffee black, at its strongest, and sipped
it after blowing onto the surface to cool it down a bit. “No, that’s not it,
it’s just...it’s odd to be talking about it. Ville moved out two months ago and
I still haven’t gotten used to having the place to myself.”
“Ville?” Juha sipped his coffee and buttered a slice
of bread before putting some cheese on it.
“My younger brother. He had lived here with me.” Jonne
forced himself to bite off a chunk of the bread. Maybe that was one reason why
he had ended up in this funk. He missed Ville and wasn’t used to living alone.
“I have an older brother, Jarmo…” Juha devoured the
food and washed it down with more coffee. “He’s a nuisance though, so I was
happy when he moved out. I got the bigger room.”
Juha grinned at him like mad and for some reason it made
Jonne grin as well. “I don’t mind Ville being a nuisance. I love him.”
Juha nodded. “So do I.”
Jonne couldn’t resist. “You love my little brother?”
Juha burst out laughing and filled up his mug again.
“I don’t even know him!” He grinned at Jonne from over the rim of his mug and
decided he liked it a lot better when the blond smiled instead of looking so
depressed. “I love my older brother of course. So are you going to crawl into
bed once I’m gone?” He would have liked to stay and get to know the blond
better, but Mikko was expecting him to show up at the venue to help him set up
their equipment. They would perform at Club Hellä that evening and, while it
was still early, Mikko was the kind of guy who liked to start as quickly as
possible.
“Probably. I don’t have any plans for today anyway.”
Jonne had finished his coffee and remembered that he needed to find some cash.
“Hold on!”
Juha watched with a mix of wonder and bemusement as
Jonne searched the apartment and then returned empty-handed. “What was that
about?”
“I owe you money,” Jonne explained.
Juha’s thoughts raced. “How about you buy me a drink
this evening? You can find me at Hellä.”
Jonne cringed visibly. “But that means leaving the
apartment and facing the cold!” And he refused to think of styling himself to
go out for the evening. “I can send you the money instead.”
Juha shook his head and then inclined it. “I’m afraid
I insist on being paid back this evening in the form of a drink.”
Jonne sighed. “You’re being difficult.”
Juha laughed. “Mikko always says the same thing!”
“Mikko?” Jonne’s curiosity was roused with that.
“My best friend!” Juha got to his feet and donned his
coat. “I’ll see you at nine!”
“But—“Jonne decided to protest one last time, but the
look that Juha shot him made his mouth go dry. That look...that naughty look!
The redhead knew he had made an impression. “I can’t promise I’ll be there.”
“Oh, you will be there… Remember, you owe me money!”
Juha grinned wickedly, raised a hand in farewell, and let himself out. He knew
Jonne would be there – he just did.
Jonne stayed behind and tried to figure out if his day
had just gotten worse, or actually better. Ah, damn it! He placed his arms on
the table in front of him and rested his head on his forearms. He didn’t have
the energy or the will to deal with complications at the moment and his
instincts told him that Juha was exactly that: someone who was going to make
his life even more complicated.
He desperately needed to talk to someone. But not just
anyone. He needed a person who understood why he was being difficult about this
and why he felt so…depressed. Jonne dragged himself into the living room, took
hold of his phone, and dialed his younger brother’s number. There was only one
person who really understood him and he desperately needed to hear Ville’s
voice, or even better, feel his brother’s arms around him.
~~~
Ville hurried through the city’s traffic to get to his
brother as quickly as possible. Jonne’s call had alarmed him. Although Jonne
had tried to hide it, Ville had heard the off-tone to his brother’s voice. It
was a signal that he had learned to recognize a long time ago. Jonne had always
suffered from bouts of depression and usually they went away after a few days. But
they could last longer and when that happened, Ville would seriously start worrying.
There had been days when Jonne had ‘forgotten’ to eat where his brother had
been so listless that he hadn't even bothered to eat. That was when things got
dangerous.
Using his key, he unlocked the door to the apartment
and let himself in. “Jonne? Where are you?”
“Bedroom,” was the muffled reply and it sounded like
Jonne had tucked himself away under his comforter.
Ville marched into the bedroom and headed straight for
the bed. Jonne looked thoroughly miserable with only his hair and blue eyes
showing from beneath the comforter. “Hey, what are you doing in bed at this
hour?” Ville removed his jacket and sat down on the bed, stepped out of his boots
and stretched out next to his brother, who quickly raised the comforter so he
could snuggle close to Jonne.
“It’s one of those days,” Jonne whispered while
briefly flinching since the outside cold still clung to Ville. “Everything went
wrong. I dropped stuff. Everything broke down. I just want today to end.”
Ville drew in a deep breath and wrapped his arms
around his brother. “It will pass, you know that.” He wondered though if there
wasn’t more to it. Jonne looked seriously depressed and he knew from experience
that a stroke of bad luck wouldn’t make Jonne crawl away and hide. “Jonne, is
there something else?” Ville wasn’t sure his brother would tell him. Most of
the time, Jonne kept everything bottled up in inside until he felt ready to
confide in Ville.
“Not really.” Jonne closed his eyes and buried his
face against Ville’s shoulder. It was good to have Ville close again. They had
always been close, practically inseparable, and their relationship had deepened
when they had moved into the children’s home together.
Ville tensed against him and Jonne knew that he had to
feed his younger brother something or else Ville would try to coax the truth
out of him, like how he hated living alone. “I met someone today in the
supermarket. I dropped a lot of stuff and…someone actually helped me gather
it.”
Ville knew it wasn’t the subject they should be
talking about, but allowed it. “Hey, there are some nice people around!” Past
experiences had made Jonne rather bitter and it had only been recently that
Jonne had been trying to give people a chance. Jonne was a very private person
and didn’t trust easily. Ville understood why that was, but he also knew Jonne was
depriving himself of getting to know some interesting people. “So, tell me!”
“His name’s Juha and he lives in
Ville’s eyebrow rose higher. Jonne had actually
allowed someone into the apartment? His brother guarded his privacy closely,
which was understandable considering the amount of fans trying to find out
where he lived so that they could stalk him. Of course, they would never call
it that. “This Juha must be special then.”
Jonne shrugged. “I don’t really know. He just helped me.
He paid for the stuff. I couldn’t really ask him to leave.”
Ville however grinned. “What does he look like?”
“Tall, slender...he has long, red hair and green
eyes.” Jonne was surprised at how clearly he remembered Juha’s appearance. The
guy had really made an impression on him. “I still have to pay him for those
groceries.”
Ville cocked his head and made eye contact with his
brother. “Sounds interesting – the way he looks, I mean.”
Jonne shrugged again. “He wants me to meet him at
Hellä this evening so I can buy him a drink as a thank you for helping me out
this morning, but I don’t think I’ll go. I’m not in the mood for it and you
know what Hellä’s dress code is like. Black!”
“You look good in black as long as you combine it with
some color.” Ville did his best to cheer Jonne up. “I think you should go!”
Jonne stared at his brother in horror. “No! I don’t
want to go out!”
“And do what instead? Wallow in misery for the rest of
the evening?” Okay, that had come out harsher than he had intended, but it was
the truth.
Jonne bit his bottom lip when his brother phrased it
so directly. “If I want to hide, let me!”
“Jonne, you know that nothing good will come out of it
if you stay at home. You’ll end up either pacing the floor, hide in bed, or
even worse, get out the alcohol. Dress up and go out! Meet new people! Get to
know this Juha better! He seems kind! That’s a good start!”
Jonne wasn’t ready to throw in the towel yet. “Maybe
he recognized me and thinks it’s cool to hang out with Jonne Aaron.”
“Jonne, this might be hard to believe, but there
actually are people who want to hang out with you just because they like you!
Jonne...you need to find out what kind of guy this Juha is and honestly? The
way you look now, I wouldn’t associate your sorry ass with Negative. I would be
surprised if he recognized you.”
“Thanks for the compliment!” Jonne stuck out his
tongue and sighed when he realized that his brother had chased away his
melancholy. “Are you coming along? I don’t want to go there alone. What if that
guy turns out to be a jerk after all?” Jonne didn’t think Juha had recognized
him, but he had learned the hard way that there were people who wanted to be
friends with him just because he was famous. “Please?” he begged and turned his
most pleading look on his little brother.
“Alright. I’ll tag along.” Ville didn’t mind coming
along. He was way too relieved that Jonne was slipping out of the blue funk he
had been in. “But we’ll dress up, yes? And Jonne, you can start by taking a
shower. When was the last time you cleaned up? I’m surprised you didn’t drive
this Juha off with the way you smell!”
“I don’t stink!” Jonne playfully poked his younger
brother’s side.
“Not yet, but you come very close to it!” Ville smiled
and brushed Jonne’s hair away from the handsome face. “I’ll even fill up the
bathtub for you.”
“You’re sweet,” Jonne said while cuddling up to Ville.
“For a nuisance.”
It was Ville’s turn to poke his brother’s side.
“Behave or I will make you go alone.”
“I’ll be good,” Jonne promised with a happy smile on
his face. For the moment, his world had been fixed. He would spend the evening
in Ville’s company – he wouldn’t be alone that night.
~~~
Mikko had watched Juha for the last hour and could
tell that something occupied his friend. Juha wasn’t concentrating and that was
a bad thing. If the fronter messed up, it was bad for
the whole band. “Care to tell me what’s on your mind?” He was goofing around on
his bass guitar, warming up his fingers for the show later. Juha didn’t look at
him immediately, another sign that his friend’s thoughts were elsewhere. When
Juha did look at him, it was from behind a curtain of red hair. “Spit it out.”
Juha sat down on the ragged couch in the backstage
area and moved closer to Mikko. “Something strange happened today.” He wrapped
a strand of red hair around his finger and twirled it. It was something he did
whenever he was nervous or thoughtful.
“Tell me!” Mikko stopped playing and elbowed Juha in
the side. Not enough to make the redhead hurt, but it got Juha’s attention for
sure.
“Don’t do that!” Juha glared at Mikko, but obviously
wasn’t really angry with his friend. “It’s nothing important.”
“It’s important when you can’t stop thinking about it.
You have that look in your eyes and as long as it’s there, you won’t be able to
focus on the show. So tell me.”
Juha sighed. “I met someone in the supermarket. He was
having a bad day and I helped him collect his groceries that had fallen onto
the floor. He looked so miserable…”
Mikko smiled. “And you helped…of course you did!
That’s who you are. So what happened?”
“Not much. I helped him get his groceries home and we
had some coffee. I asked him to come here tonight, but I don’t think he will.
He seemed awfully depressed and all he wanted was to crawl into bed and stay
there.”
Mikko placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder and
smiled at him. He knew about the effect Juha had on people. It was hard to deny
Juha when he looked at you with his charming gaze. “He’ll be here. Does the guy
have a name?”
“Jonne,” Juha replied and smiled as he remembered the
blond’s face. He had taken a shine to the other man the first moment he had
seen him.
It was a common name in
“I didn’t ask. I had to get over here to help you set
up the equipment, you know.”
“You got his address. You know where he lives, so in
case he doesn’t show up tonight, you still have a way to get in touch with
him.” Mikko squeezed Juha’s shoulder. He had learned to read his friend throughout
the years. “You like him.”
“It’s strange. I know that. I don’t even know him, but
there’s something about him that appeals to me.” Looking at Mikko, Juha added,
“It was like that the first time we met. I liked you right away.”
Mikko nodded. He remembered meeting Juha the first
time. Everything had clicked and they had quickly become best friends. “I’ll
cross my fingers that he’ll show up, but in the meantime, you need to start
focusing on tonight’s show. We’re playing the songs from the new album and I
want to make a good impression. If we do, they might want us to come back.”
Juha nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
TBC
Part 2
“Stop fidgeting about and let me!” Ville couldn’t
remember the last time Jonne had been so difficult about getting dressed.
“We’re only going to have a drink and if Juha turns out to be a jerk, we’ll
leave! Stop being so fucking nervous!” Ville shook his head. Exasperated, he noted
his brother’s guilty expression. Why the hell was Jonne so jumpy?
Jonne drew in a deep breath and forced himself to calm
down. “You know that I don’t like wearing black!”
“Jonne, you’re not wearing that much black!” Jonne had
put his pinstripe bondage trousers on with a white shirt beneath the black mesh
T-shirt. Ville liked the combination. He wrapped some scarves around Jonne’s
neck and nodded approvingly. “You look good like that!” Jonne only needed to
fix his hair and put on his make-up. “There’s no reason for you to be nervous!”
But Ville suspected that Jonne’s nervousness had little to do with his outfit
and everything with Juha. Ville was growing more and more curious about the
guy. Jonne usually preferred women, but it was no secret to him that his
brother had been attracted to men before.
“But…” Jonne wanted to protest, though he had no idea
what exactly he was objecting too. But he then shrugged his shoulders. Ville
was stubborn that night and he had the feeling that his younger brother would
get his way no matter what.
Ville directed Jonne into the bathroom and grinned at
his brother. “Can you do your hair and make-up yourself or do you need help?”
“I can do it myself,” Jonne snapped and grabbed hold
of his brush to do his hair first. “It has grown too long again. I need a
haircut.” His hair reached past his shoulders and if he wasn’t careful, it
would make him look like a girl. He didn’t like looking feminine these days.
“Nonsense! It has the perfect length! And it’s a good
thing that you stopped bleaching it so excessively.” Jonne had started to lose
a lot of hair at one point and his hair dresser had refused to continue
bleaching it. As a result, Jonne’s natural somewhat darker hair color was
coming back. “You don’t mind me burrowing some of your clothes, do you?”
“Since when do you ask? You plunder my closet at any
rate!”
Ville grinned and left Jonne in the bathroom to get
dressed. He was looking forward to spending the evening with his brother. And he
wanted to meet this mysterious redhead. A night at Hellä was exactly what they
needed!
~~~
“Ville, why is there such a crowd tonight?” Jonne
frowned as they arrived at the club. People were standing in line to get in and
the queue was long!
Ville wasn’t sure either. “Maybe there’s a gig
tonight?”
Jonne and Ville advanced and, once they got close
enough, they were able to read the announcement hanging on the door.
“Reflexion’s performing tonight.” Jonne looked at Ville and frowned. “Do you
know that band? I know the name, but that’s about it.”
“I listened to their first album some time ago.
They’re pretty good.” Ville looked about. “I had no idea they were in
“We don’t have any tickets,” Jonne said and wondered
if they should get out of the queue. “They won’t let us in.”
“Just let me! I know that guy!” Ville pointed at the
security guard manning the entrance. Before Jonne could stop him, Ville had
marched right to the guy and started talking to him. Jonne, in the meantime,
grew increasingly aware that a lot of the girls were checking him out, probably
wondering if he was for real or just a lookalike. He had always wanted to be
famous, but lately, he had been experiencing more drawbacks than advantages.
“Jonne, come over here!” Ville beckoned for Jonne to
join him since he had found that Jonne hadn't followed. Jonne slowly walked
toward him and Ville grabbed hold of Jonne’s hand. “He’ll let us in for free.
It’s good publicity for the club if we’re seen here.” Ville winked at Jonne.
Jonne sighed and surrendered to his fate. Shifting his
feet, he tried to stay warm. He was grateful that Ville had stopped him from
wearing his black and white dotted jacket for the material was much too thin.
The thick, black bondage jacket he was wearing protected him from the cold.
This time, he had remembered to bring his mittens, but he still had to move his
fingers about in order to keep them from freezing. “Let’s go inside then.” It
would be warm inside and he craved that!
Ville pulled Jonne inside and looked about. The club
had filled up nicely and, while it was mostly girls in the audience, there were
also a few men. It was a more varied audience than Jonne and Ville were used to
during their concerts. “So, do you see your redhead?” Ville asked as he slipped
out of his coat.
Jonne looked about and searched for the red hair that
would lead him to his stranger, but had no luck. “I don’t see him.”
Ville pulled Jonne along. “What do you want to drink?”
“Beer,” Jonne replied and studied the people close to
him. Some of the girls had recognized them and were blatantly staring at him
and Ville. Jonne tried to ignore them and hoped that they wouldn’t be so
forward and ask for autographs. He wanted some privacy, but would he get it?
Ville got Jonne his beer and ordered a coke for
himself. He wasn’t in the mood for alcohol free beer, which he was limited to with
his drinking problem. “It’s filling up nicely.”
Jonne nodded absentmindedly and sipped his beer. “We
can leave, you know. If Juha doesn’t turn up.”
“You don’t want to see the band?” Ville raised an
eyebrow. “From what I’ve heard, they’re pretty good live!”
Jonne shrugged. He would rather go home and crawl into
bed again. If only they would stop staring at him!
“Hey, you’re here!” Juha must have been keeping an eye
out for Jonne all evening and had only now discovered the blond, who was
different from earlier with his cleaned up appearance. “I hardly recognized
you!”
Jonne turned around and looked at Juha. “Keeping with
the official dress code?” he asked and smiled.
Juha shrugged his shoulders. “I wear black most of the
time so that wasn’t a problem.” He had slipped into his favorite pair of black
jeans, had added the metal chains dangling down his thigh, and had donned a
black, sleeveless shirt.
Ville had also turned around and was currently staring
at Juha in surprise. Jonne hadn’t told him just how handsome the redhead was!
Juha looked good enough to eat and that thought made Ville blush. But then he
frowned as he realized something.
“This is Ville, my brother,” Jonne introduced them.
Jonne could tell the exact moment when Juha realized who they were and he grew
gloomy again as he wondered if it would change the easy way with which Juha
talked to him.
“Ah, now I know who you are! Mikko will be mad at me
for not recognizing you at once, but I can always tell him that I forgot to put
in my contacts this morning.”
“You’re not going to lie to me, are you, Juha?” Mikko
had joined them and had overheard Juha’s last sentence. He had recognized the
two brothers at once.
Smiling deceitfully sweet, Juha turned his head toward
Mikko and asked, “Would you believe me?”
Ville burst out laughing and had the feeling that this
wasn’t over yet. Yes, Juha knew who Jonne was, but his brother still had no
idea who Juha was! Oh, this was priceless!
“You must be Mikko,” Jonne said and offered Mikko his
hand.
“Yes, I am.” Mikko took the offered hand and shook it.
“And now I have to kidnap Juha or else we will never get the show underway.”
Jonne frowned. “What show?”
“The concert,” Ville replied and shook his head.
“Jonne, this is Juha Kylmänen, front man of Reflexion. It might be hard for the
band to start without their singer!” Ville loved the way Jonne’s eyes widened
with surprise. Jonne’s lips parted as if trying to speak, but there was no
sound. “Tell me, what excuse do you have for not recognizing him? You don’t
wear contacts!”
“I don’t know the band very well,” Jonne admitted shyly.
“Then you’re about to find out how we sound.” Juha
winked at Jonne. “Do you want to come backstage with us? With your bad luck,
I’m afraid that one of your groupies might abduct you.”
Jonne nodded gratefully. He liked that idea since it
would buy him more privacy. “How about you?” he asked his brother.
“Sure, I’ll tag along!” Ville waited for Juha and
Mikko to turn around to lead the way and then lightly swatted his older brother
on the back of his head. As expected, Jonne gave him an evil look.
“What was that for?” Jonne rubbed the spot where Ville
had hit him.
“You meet Juha Kylmänen and you don’t recognize him?”
Ville shook his head again. “I can’t believe you never listen to their music!”
If Jonne had, his brother would have recognized Juha from the CD cover.
Juha resisted turning his head and looking at the two
brothers. Instead he grinned and glanced in amusement at Mikko. Mikko in turn
wiggled an eyebrow. Juha wondered what the rest of the evening would bring. In
his opinion, they were already off to a good start!
~~~
Jonne and Ville found a good spot backstage from where
they could watch the show. Jonne still didn’t know what to think of the fact
that Juha had recognized him after all and that the redhead was a singer
himself. It was a strange situation he found himself in.
“Just enjoy the show,” Ville said and wrapped an arm
around his brother’s waist. For some reason Jonne looked lost. “He has a great
voice. You’ll like the music!”
Jonne sighed and nodded. He had to let go and simply
enjoy the ride, just like Ville had said. He had to stop brooding and expecting
bad things to happen. At that moment, the intro started and Reflexion entered
the stage. Jonne leaned against Ville and enjoyed his brother’s closeness while
concentrating on the music. When Juha started to sing, Jonne’s eyes widened in
surprise and he turned his head to look at Ville.
“Did I say too much? He’s got a great voice, don’t you
think?” Ville smiled at his older brother.
Jonne managed to nod. Juha’s voice was drawing him in
and he found it hard to look away from the stage. Juha ran his fingertips
suggestively up and down the microphone stand and licked his lips sensually.
Jonne had to admit that Juha had gotten those moves down to perfection.
~~~
“Did you like the show?” Still sweaty from being on
stage and singing his heart out, Juha came to a stop in front of the two blonds
and smiled hopefully. “Personally I think it was a good show, but I’d love to
hear what you think!”
The way Juha looked at him with such expectance and
eagerness in his eyes made Jonne turn shy, though he couldn’t explain why. “I
liked it. I didn’t know your music but what I’ve heard tonight made me a fan.”
He smiled bashfully at the redhead. “And you have a great voice.”
Juha smiled winningly and moved restlessly from foot
to foot. “And what about you?” he asked Ville.
Ville nodded. “I agree with Jonne. It was a good
show!”
Mikko joined them, all sweaty, and laughed before
patting Juha on the shoulder. “That calls for a drink!”
Juha nodded. “And I know who’s going to pay for it.”
The look Juha shot him made Jonne blush. He was
basically a shy person, even though most people wouldn’t think so, especially
after having seen him on stage. “Sure, I’ll buy us some drinks.”
The four of them moved toward the bar area and ordered
their beer. Much to Jonne’s surprise, the fan girls circled around Juha and
ignored him, asking for Juha to sign things that they had brought or to have
their picture taken with him. Jonne wasn’t used to being ignored. It was a
novel experience.
Ville had caught on and grinned. He folded an arm
around his older brother and giggled. “Looks like those girls are mad about
Juha.” Ville exchanged a look with Mikko, who had also got some requests, but
was obviously less wanted than Juha. That wasn’t really surprising. Juha oozed
sensuality and there was something about the redhead that made him stand out
and it wasn’t just his hair!
“Ah finally!” Juha signed the last album cover and the
girls began moving away. “Now I want beer!”
Mikko moved a glass closer toward his friend and
wiggled an eyebrow. “I hope tomorrow’s show at
Juha nodded and noticed the way Jonne was staring at
his drink. The lost, slightly disorientated look was back. One might have
thought Jonne was bored, but Juha knew that wasn’t it. Something else was going
on with Jonne.
Ville had caught the concern in Juha’s eyes and hoped
the redhead would address his brother and draw Jonne from his melancholy. To
make that possible, he started a conversation with Mikko about the Finnish
music scene, hoping that it would make Juha talk to Jonne.
Juha moved a bit to the right so he was closer to
Jonne and tried to catch the blond’s gaze. “Hey, is something wrong? Are you
still worrying about having bad luck?”
Jonne looked up and apologized for being absentminded.
“You actually made me forget about that,” he said and the words left his lips
without him realizing what he was saying. When he did, he blushed again. “The
concert, I mean...the music.”
The redhead nodded. “I get what you mean.” He smiled
encouragingly at Jonne. “It’s not just today, is it?”
Jonne shrugged. He wasn’t sure he should continue to
confide in Juha. The redhead would be gone in a few hours. “Maybe…” He shrugged
again, but when he caught Juha’s hopeful look, he added, “Depression is a part
of my life, I’m afraid.”
Juha drew in a deep breath. He didn’t like the way
that sounded. “Maybe you need a break from all this?”
“What do you mean?” Jonne frowned at the redhead.
“From all this! From
“It’s true...I love
“I have an idea!” Juha smiled enthusiastically at
Jonne. “Tomorrow’s our last gig and then we’ll go back to
“In that case, I shouldn’t tag along,” Jonne quickly responded.
Juha’s offer surprised him. He had no intention of spending the week with a
stranger though. He hardly knew Juha and would never take a risk like that. No,
he would stay home, crawl into bed, and only leave when his band rehearsed.
“No! I didn’t mean it like that!” Juha cursed himself
for phrasing it wrong. “It’s like going back to nature for some days. I love my
family and the band, but…sometimes it’s nice to get away from everything. I’d
love to have you there with me!” Juha gazed hopefully at Jonne. “I mean it!
It’s lovely out there, especially now that there’s snow!”
Jonne shivered. “No, thanks. I’ll stay here at home in
Leaning in, Ville whispered to his brother, “Take him
up on the offer!
“You heard what he said!” Jonne countered. “Juha wants
to be alone!”
“And then he clarified himself! He invited you,
Jonne!”
Growing amused by the brothers’ exchange, Juha smiled
charmingly at Jonne. “Listen to your brother. He’s right. I’d love having you
there.”
Jonne refused to give in. “No offence, but I hardly
know you. Why should I accept your offer? I’d be stuck in the wilderness with
you!”
“In the wilderness...” Mikko grinned and then
apologized. “Sorry, it sounded funny.”
Juha sipped his beer and carefully considered his next
step. “You don’t have to decide now,” he suggested to Jonne. “We’ll be passing
through
“Don’t count on me calling you,” Jonne whispered, but
he took the card nonetheless. “It’s nothing personal, but I’m not the kind of
person who would do such a thing.” A whole week spent in some cabin in
“Hey, I didn’t know you would be here!” Nakki sat down
at the table his friends already occupied, followed closely by Antti. They had
watched the show and had had no idea that Jonne and Ville would be there too.
Jonne sighed. Great. Even more people who were in a
good mood. He just wanted to go home and be miserable.
Nakki recognized the gloomy expression in Jonne’s
eyes. Unfortunately for him, Juha was sitting next to Jonne so he couldn’t
quite reach his friend.
Ville smiled at Nakki and Antti. “What? And miss out
on such a good show?”
Antti laughed at that. “Love the hair color!” he told Juha.
Juha winked conspiratorially and grinned back. “Yours
is cool too.”
“I feel left out!” Mikko complained after downing
another beer.
“I told you that it was a bad idea to get rid of the
red hair,” Juha said and pointed an accusing finger at Mikko. “Red’s hot.”
Ville burst out laughing and elbowed his brother
again. “Do you think red would suit me?” He loved the way Jonne’s eyes grew big
with worry.
“Don’t you dare dye your hair! It looks good the way
it is!” A horrid scenario in which Ville dyed his hair bright red assailed
Jonne and made him gasp for breath.
“Your brother’s right. You look good as a blond.” Juha
lit a cigarette.
“You smoke?” Antti was impressed. “Jonne stopped
smoking and kicks our asses each time we dare light one around him! Says it’s
bad for his voice!”
“It probably is,” Juha admitted. “But there’s nothing
like a cigarette after a good gig or a good…” He left the sentence unfinished
on purpose and wiggled an eyebrow instead. Everyone except for Jonne laughed at
his remark and Juha wondered why Jonne was taking everything so fucking
serious. What made the younger man so serious and depressed? Was it too much
pressure or too high of expectations? Maybe it was the fear of failure or solitude?
Juha was dying to find out, but it looked like Jonne wouldn’t give him that
chance.
~~~
Had it been up to Juha, he would have loved to stay
longer, but they had to get moving. That night, they would drive to
The blond had opened up a bit to him during the
evening and Juha suspected that had everything to do with the fact that they
had discussed something safe: their music. Jonne was as passionate about his
songs as Juha was about his and they had found common ground while exchanging
experiences and ideas.
It hadn’t been Jonne’s intention to walk Juha to the
truck, but for some reason he found himself standing next to it with Juha
gesturing to Mikko to be patient and wait another minute for him to join them.
“Talking to you was…nice,” Jonne said, turning shy again. “If you’re ever in
“Thanks for the offer,” Juha replied and smiled
winningly at the blond. “If you reconsider, give me a call. It’s really no
problem to pick you up and the cabin’s location is really extraordinary.”
Jonne smiled apologetically at Juha. “Sorry, but
Juha laughed softly. “We'd just have to make sure
you’re warmly clothed.” He wasn’t ready to give up. “Just think about it. I
promise that I won’t change into some homicidal maniac.”
Juha’s remark made Jonne smile. “I believe you.” He
didn’t think that Juha had a hidden agenda. The redhead was just a nice guy.
But Jonne wouldn’t take Juha up on his offer at any rate. He didn’t want to
intrude and the chances of something going amiss while he was staying up there
were too big. He didn’t know Juha!
“I’ll be seeing you,” Juha stated when Mikko blew his
horn, waking all of the decent people that had long gone to bed. Unsure that
Jonne would allow it, Juha moved closer and hugged the blond briefly. “Just
think about it,” he said, slipping Jonne his card in turn.
Juha’s move surprised and confused Jonne and he
stepped back the moment the redhead released him. Looking Juha in the eye,
Jonne couldn’t find anything wrong there. Juha genuinely seemed to like him and
that was about it. But it was hard for him to accept that there were no
ulterior motives to Juha’s offer. “I might,” he agreed in the end.
Juha smiled at that. “Just give me a call!” He got
into the truck and waved at Jonne before closing the door.
Ville walked up to his older brother and pulled him
close. Together they watched the truck drive away from the venue. “I think you
made a new friend today. That is, if you let Juha become your friend. Don’t be
so suspicious.”
Jonne drew in a deep breath while resting his head
against his brother’s shoulder and considered everything that had happened.
“It’s hard to trust, Ville. I don’t know him and I have no idea what he really
wants.” For it had become clear to Jonne that Juha wanted something from him.
He just wasn’t sure what it was.
“I know that.” Ville placed a chaste kiss on his
brother’s hair. “But he seems to be a genuinely nice guy. I talked to the other
band members and they assured me that Juha’s a good guy. He doesn’t have any
hidden motives. He plays in a band like you. He sings like you do and he has
fan girls that stalk him just like they stalk you. I doubt Juha wants to be
your friend because you’re famous. He’s well known in his own right. Don’t be
afraid, Jonne.”
Jonne sighed. It was easy for Ville to say such
things. His younger brother hadn’t been disappointed as often as he had. How
many times had he extended his trust and friendship only to find out that a
friend, or even his girlfriend, was using him?
“Just think about his offer. Promise me that.” Ville
hugged Jonne close and guided him back inside since it was awfully cold.
“I might,” Jonne replied, giving his younger brother the
same answer he had given Juha.
Ville was relieved that Jonne wasn’t saying no
anymore. At least his brother seemed to be considering Juha’s offer in earnest
and that was a good thing!
~~~
“Want me to stay the night?” Ville asked once they had
returned to Jonne’s apartment. His brother had been close the entire evening
and had seemed unwilling to leave his side. He knew that Jonne hadn’t wanted
him to move out, but Ville had felt that the time had come to spread his wings
and get his own apartment.
Jonne was in the process of taking his make-up off in
the bathroom and called out to his brother in the kitchen, “That would be
great!”
Ville settled down on a kitchen chair and drank some
tea which he had made. He needed something warm inside him if he wanted to be
able to sleep. Jonne wasn’t the kind of person who did well on his own. If left
alone too long, he would start brooding and depression would settle in. Maybe
it had been a mistake to move out.
“I expected you to be in bed already.” Jonne sat down
next to his brother dressed in warm sweats. “Can I have some too?”
Ville poured Jonne some tea and added sugar before
pushing the cup toward his brother. “Jonne, I want you to be honest with me,
okay?”
Thankfully Jonne hadn't taken a drink yet for it might
have gone the wrong way. Alarmed, he looked at Ville and saw the serious
expression in his brother’s eyes. Fuck, what was this about?
“Are you depressed because I moved out?” Ville
carefully monitored Jonne’s reaction and caught the moment his brother tried to
hide behind a mask. “Damn it, Jonne! I’m your brother, not some groupie! I
deserve the truth! Is that the reason why you’re so down?” He took Jonne’s hand
in his and squeezed the fingers, which felt cold and clammy. He knew he was
right and saw it in Jonne’s eyes, but he had to hear it too.
“Ville…” Jonne swallowed hard and searched for words.
“I need time to get used to living on my own.”
Ville sighed. “So this *is* about me moving out! Why
didn’t you tell me?”
Jonne glanced guiltily at his brother. “You were so
eager to move out and get your own place. What was I supposed to do about that?
Force you to stay with me?”
Ville sipped his tea and gestured for Jonne to do the
same as he studied his brother. “I can move back in.” Living on his own wasn’t
as important as his brother’s happiness. Jonne and he had always gotten along
well and he would adapt to living with his brother again. Being totally honest
with himself, he had to admit that he missed having Jonne about too. “But it
will take some time to get my stuff back in here.”
“You don’t have to move back in. I know you want to be
on your own.”
Ville moved his chair closer to Jonne’s and pulled his
brother into his arms. “I want to move back in, so stop making it a problem.
I’ll stay the night and starting tomorrow, I’ll get organized. Can you manage a
few more days alone?” Jonne nodded bravely, but Ville saw how brittle his
brother’s smile was. “Why don’t you accept Juha’s invitation? You’d have some
company until I can move in again.”
Jonne moved a bit away from Ville. “Why do you want me
to accept? I don’t get it! Juha’s a stranger! You wouldn’t want to be locked up
with someone you hardly know for a week in the middle of nowhere!”
“You can always call if you don’t like it there and Tommi
or I will pick you up. Or you can take the train back. It’s not like you’d be
stranded in
Jonne had no choice but to nod since it was the truth.
“But that doesn’t mean…”
“Take a chance, Jonne. What do you have to lose?
What’s the alternative? Locking yourself up at home and crawling into bed? What
if you actually like being in
“What if I don’t like it there? What if—“
“Then you take the train home or call me!” Ville smirked
wickedly at Jonne. “Why not see it as an opportunity to do something new? I’m
sure you can easily fill the week with talking about music or playing your
guitar. When was the last time you did something like that? Sometimes you just
have to take a chance, Jonne.”
The look Ville was giving him made Jonne sigh. “I’ll
think about it.”
“That’s all I’m asking.” Ville was sure though that
Jonne would be swayed in the end. He was going to do his best to convince Jonne
to take a chance.
~~~
“Thanks for staying,” Jonne said after he had made
himself comfortable in bed. He was on his side facing Ville, who had cuddled
beneath his comforter beside him. Their fingers were twined and Jonne knew that
they would gravitate toward each other during the night. It had always been
like that. At the home they had always turned to each other for comfort.
“Try to sleep, Jonne.” Ville squeezed Jonne’s fingers
and as his brother’s eyes closed, he secretly hoped that their conversation
about the red-haired singer would follow Jonne into his sleep. Maybe dreaming
of
TBC
Part 3
“Let me guess… Jonne’s still on your mind.” Like
always, it hadn’t taken Mikko long to figure out what was going on in his
friend’s mind. They were at Juha’s apartment and while the rest of the band was
still snoring away in a hotel room, Mikko had accompanied Juha home. The singer
had wanted to check on his apartment and they had spent the night there.
Juha nodded. “You’re right. I can’t explain it, but…
It feels wrong for him to be depressed. I really believe that getting him away
from everything might help him clear his head and Oulu is perfect for that!”
Mikko agreed. He knew the area where Juha’s cabin was
situated and agreed that it was perfect for the blond to get some peace and
quiet. “Jonne’s cute…” he said, curious as to how Juha would react.
Juha however refused to be tempted into discussing his
feelings. “A lot of girls seem to think so.”
“A lot of guys too.” Mikko smirked. “Is he your type,
Juha?”
The smile faded from Juha’s face. His gaze shifted
direction and came to rest upon a framed picture. Juha walked toward it, picked
it up and ran his fingers across the glass.
Mikko joined his friend and said in a serious voice,
“You can’t hang onto the past, you know that.”
Juha nodded and a tear appeared in the corner of his
eye. He let it fall and didn’t wipe it away. “But it’s only been two years,
Mikko.”
Mikko wrapped an arm around his friend and pulled him
against him. “Kristiina wouldn’t want you to live in the past. You have to move
on. You know that she would want you to love again.”
Juha placed the frame back in its place, drew in a
deep breath and returned the hug Mikko was bestowing on him. “Why did she have
to die, Mikko? The accident wasn’t her fault. If it hadn’t been for that drunk
driver…” When the accident had happened and he had lost his girlfriend, anger
had consumed him. Later, when he had realized that he had really lost her,
sadness and grieve had taken over.
“Life isn’t fair, I’m afraid.” Mikko hugged Juha
tightly and then loosened the embrace. “I’m sorry that it happened, you know
that.”
Juha nodded. “It’s hard to go on without her.” But his
family, friends and his music had pulled him through and kept him going. “No
one can ever take her place.” He wasn’t sure what had made him say that, but it
had needed out.
“I know that and no one will ever try to replace her,
but you can’t lock your heart away.” Mikko placed a finger beneath Juha’s chin
and lifted it. “Just allow yourself to fall in love again.”
Juha gave Mikko a saddened look. “You’re talking about
Jonne.”
Mikko nodded. “I know you, Juha. You’re interested in
him and that’s okay. Actually, it’s great. It doesn’t matter if you end up just
being friends or more. I’m just happy that you’re reaching out.”
Deep down in his heart Juha knew that it was the right
thing to do -- to take that step, but he still felt guilty whenever he thought
about Kristiina. He felt that he should remain faithful to her.
“Did Jonne call yet?” Mikko hoped that the blond would
accept Juha’s invitation.
Juha checked his mobile phone. “No, and I don’t think
that he will.” Juha managed a weak smile. “We need to focus on tonight’s show.
Helsinki is a tough crowd.”
“We’ll stun them!” Mikko hugged Juha one last time and
smiled confidently. He had faith in Juha’s ability to charm their audience –
and Jonne.
~~~
“You’re looking grouchy. Didn’t you get any sleep?”
Antti, being in a fine mood, frowned at his singer. Jonne looked tired and
seemed to have slipped into the clothes which he had found first in his closet,
making the outfit clash fiercely.
They had rehearsed for thirty minutes, but then Nakki
had called it quits as Jonne had been unable to focus. They had ended up seated
on their old, comfortable couches, drinking beer and talking about the stuff
that was going on in their lives.
“I got too much of it,” Jonne said in a irritable
voice. “Don’t ask,” he added upon seeing Antti opening his mouth again. Somehow
Juha had made his way into his dreams.
Antti however shot Nakki a meaningful look and the
keyboarder asked instead, “Does it have something to do with a certain
redhead?”
Jonne grabbed a pillow and flung it at the keyboarder.
“Just shut up!”
Lauri raised an eyebrow. “Did I miss something?” What
were they talking about?
“Do you know Juha Kylmänen? You know, the singer of
Reflexion?” Antti asked.
Lauri nodded. “I saw them last year… somewhere… at a
festival.”
“It seems Juha is interested in our Jonne here!” Antti
grinned. “You should have seen them last night after the gig had ended.”
“Love is in the air,” Nakki sang and failed to duck
when Jonne aimed a fist at him. He got hit in the shoulder, but bore the battle
wound bravely. “Someone can’t face the truth!”
Jonne had had enough. “What’s wrong with you? Juha and
I met yesterday! We talked and that’s about it!” Why were they making such a
fuss over it?
In a soft and conspiring voice, Antti said, “Juha
invited Jonne to stay at his cabin in Oulu.” He wiggled suggestively with an
eyebrow.
“Fuck you, Antti!” Jonne had had enough and marched
out of the room. He refused to serve as entertainment any longer.
“Hey, Antti didn’t mean it that way!” Nakki had caught
up with Jonne and came to a halt in front of the blond. “Your fuse is extremely
short today. You seem ready to explode and all that because of Juha?”
Jonne wanted to shove Nakki aside and exit the
building when he suddenly lacked the strength to do so. Ville had probably been
right when his younger brother had told him to eat breakfast. Now he felt weak
all of sudden, damn it.
Nakki placed an arm around his friend and guided him
into the little room that served as their kitchen. “Sit down, will you?” Jonne
looked like he could keel over any moment.
Jonne sat down and glared at Nakki who was rummaging
about in the fridge. “What’s the deal? Why can’t you guys stop talking about
Juha?”
Nakki sat down next to Jonne and poured orange juice
into a glass. “Drink that first.”
As he was thirsty, Jonne complied and sipped. “I don’t
get it!”
Nakki drew in a deep breath and curled his fingers
around Jonne’s. “Maybe we’re excited because… Well, you seemed to enjoy Juha’s
company and the gloom that usually hangs over your head faded for some time.
We’re happy that someone has that effect on you. We worry about you.” Nakki
gave Jonne a look that pleaded for understanding.
Jonne sighed and shrugged. “I know that you worry.
Ville worries too, but you know me. You know what I get like at times!” He
thought everything over and looked at his friend. “You’re saying that Juha has
a positive effect on me?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. It was
refreshing and heart-warming to see you react to him.” Nakki moistened his lips
and wondered how to phrase his thoughts best. “I wish you would take him up on
his offer. I think Juha’s right. Being away from it all might have a positive effect
on you.” Nakki bit onto his bottom lip, uncertain how Jonne would react to his
statement. This could go several ways. Jonne could close down, throw a tantrum
or simply walk off.
“Why?” Jonne cocked his head and studied Nakki.
“Because… I liked the way you interacted. It felt
good. There was a lot of positive energy there.” Nakki didn’t know if it was
the answer Jonne was looking for, but he could only offer the truth.
Jonne remained thoughtful for another moment and then
sighed. “Nakki, you know what I’m like. I don’t trust strangers.”
Nakki patted the back of Jonne’s hand. “You don’t have
to trust Juha straight away, but why don’t you give him a chance to gain your
trust? I don’t think that he has a hidden agenda and what would stop you from
taking a taxi to the nearest train station?”
Jonne managed a weak smile. “I’m being difficult for
no reason….”
Nakki shook his head. “No, it’s who you are, and you
have every right to worry. Just don’t let it rule you or rob you of new
opportunities.”
Jonne frowned deeply and nibbled on his bottom lip.
“Should I really do this? Accept his invitation?”
“I think you should, Jonne. You know, sometimes things
happen in your life because they are supposed to happen. Every now and then you
reach a crossroad and you have to make a decision. You can stay where you are
in your life, or you take a chance and move forward. I really think that
something good will come out of this.”
Jonne nodded absentmindedly. He knew that he could
call his brothers or friends if something went wrong. If Juha and he wouldn’t
get along he only had to make a call and someone would pick him up. He was
making a fuss for no reason. “It still scares me.”
Nakki understood. “You’re not used to doing something
impulsive. Not anymore.” Nakki squeezed Jonne’s fingers tightly. “Why don’t you
give Juha a call and tell him to pick you up tomorrow?”
Jonne’s eyes widened in alarm. “Like, right now?”
“Tomorrow might be a bit late, don’t you agree?” Nakki
shook his head and wondered about Jonne. On stage, the blond was always
confident and in charge, but in a situation like this he obviously felt lost.
“You have Juha’s number, don’t you?”
Jonne uncovered the redhead’s card and nodded. “I’ve
got it.” He got out his mobile phone and stared at the device for a long
minute. “Nakki, I don’t think I can do this.”
“Trust me this once,” Nakki said and smiled
encouragingly at Jonne. “Just do it.”
Jonne nodded, more to encourage himself than to assure
Nakki. Jonne drew in a deep breath and then punched in the phone number. He
squeezed Nakki’s hand and waited for Juha to answer the call.
“Juha Kylmänen!”
Jonne swallowed hard. This was it then. He hoped his
voice wouldn’t tremble. “It’s Jonne.” Uh, very bad. His voice shook terribly
and showed his agitation.
“Jonne! It’s nice to hear your voice again! How are
you doing? More bad luck today?”
Juha’s relaxed tone made Jonne calm down and his voice
had settled down again when he replied, “I’m fine. Slept in late and went to
band rehearsal. No bad luck so far.”
“That’s good to hear. I was a bit worried.”
It was amazing, but Jonne could actually hear the
smile that had to be on Juha’s face in the redhead’s voice. “You’re really
happy I called…” He hadn’t expected that.
“Of course I am! I’ve been hoping that you would
accept my invitation… That’s why you’re calling, isn’t it?”
Jonne heard the hopeful and yet worried tone and knew
Juha wasn’t sure he would accept. “Yes, that’s why I’m calling. I decided to
take you up on your offer.” He left out that he had been pummeled into
accepting, first by Ville and then Nakki. Juha didn’t have to know that he was
such a coward that he needed his friends to kick his ass. “That is, if you
still want me.”
“Yes, I do! Get packing and don’t forget to bring warm
clothes. It’s about minus twenty degrees in Oulu at the moment!”
“Hell no…” Jonne swallowed hard and mouthed, “Minus
twenty degrees. I’m so going to die.” Nakki chuckled and Jonne glared at his
friend. “That cabin of yours comes with heating and indoor plumbing?”
“Of course it does! We don’t live in the middle ages
in Oulu!” Juha laughed.
“Just checking… In that case I’ll be staying inside
all the time.”
“I don’t think so! It’s lovely out there!”
Jonne sighed again. “You’re planning on dragging me
outside? Do you have any idea how easy I get cold?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll find ways to keep you warm.”
And again, Jonne just knew the redhead was grinning
diabolically. “What am I getting myself into?”
Nakki gave Jonne a happy smile. Jonne had come alive
and his mood had definitely brightened. He had been right – Juha had a positive
effect on the blond!
“Just let it happen! We’ll pick you up around one
o’clock.” Juha chuckled. “I know where you live so just stay there. I’ll ring
your doorbell. No need for you to wait in the cold.”
“Thanks for being so considerate,” Jonne said amused.
His dark mood, his nervousness and apprehension had faded once he had made the
decision to accept Juha’s offer. “Do I need to pack anything in particular?”
“You might want to bring your guitar! I always do
that.” Juha grew silent for a moment and added, “Nothing special. Warm coat,
warm boots… You know what winter in Oulu is like, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do. Cold!” Jonne laughed and so did Juha at
the other end. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Yes, and don’t panic if we’re late… or early… Mikko
always wants to run a tight schedule, but he seldom succeeds.”
“I’ll be ready…” Jonne smiled and found that he didn’t
really want to end the conversation. “Until tomorrow then. Bye.”
“Bye Jonne!”
Jonne put his mobile phone onto the table and smiled
happily. He wasn’t aware that he was doing so until Nakki moved a hand in front
of his eyes. “Uh?” He looked at his friend, wondering what was going on.
“Can you honestly tell me that saying yes to Juha was
the wrong thing to do? Just look at the way you’re smiling.”
Jonne’s brow grew deeply furrowed. Yes, he was
smiling, wasn’t he? And he had laughed along with Juha’s comments. “Maybe
you’re right,” Jonne admitted shyly. Looking questioningly at the keyboarder, he
asked, “Did something like this ever happen to you? That you felt…so odd after
meeting someone for the first time?”
Nakki nodded. “It did indeed.”
“Who was it and what happened?”
“It was a lovely young lady and you know her well.
She’s been my girlfriend for four years now. Happy years.” Nakki chuckled when
Jonne sucked in his breath. “Well, let’s see what happens with you and Juha.”
~~~
Juha put his phone into his pocket and smiled at
Mikko. “That was Jonne! He accepted! You need to make a short detour tomorrow
when we go home!”
“I don’t mind the detour.” He really didn’t. “I hope
everything will go well.”
Juha nodded and sighed. “So do I.”
~~~
“You did it?” Ville enthusiastically hugged his
brother. “I’m proud of you!” He knew how much guts it had taken Jonne to make
that call. His brother simply didn’t trust easily. “I’m sure you’ll have a
great time in Oulu.”
Ever since he had talked to Juha on the phone, Jonne
felt less down and he smiled at his younger brother. “But it’s minus twenty in
Oulu! How am I going to survive? Juha also told me that he want to drag me
outside! I’m going to freeze to death!”
Ville took Jonne’s hand in his and pulled him along to
his brother’s closet. After opening it, he checked its content. Jonne had lots
of clothes, but hardly anything that would keep him warm at minus twenty. “You
know what this means, don’t you?” Ville turned about and grinned conspiringly
at his older brother. “We need to go shopping! We can’t have you freeze to
death.”
Jonne perked up further at hearing that. “Ui, yes,
let’s go shopping!”
~~~
Ville coughed, uncertain if he should feel amused,
sorry for Jonne, or embarrassed for being in his brother’s vicinity. “It’s very
pink.”
Jonne stood in front of the man-sized mirror and
turned around in order to check his appearance. “It’s fuchsia!” They had
searched three clothing stores for a parka that would keep him warm during his
stay in Oulu. They had finally found a suitable one, but the parka *was*
incredibly pink. The only thing Jonne could say to his defense was that he had
found it in the men’s clothing department. It wasn’t a woman’s parka as one
might assume. “It fits perfectly and it’s warm!” He was already starting to
sweat so the parka would probably keep him warm at minus twenty degrees. “I
want it!”
Ville chuckled. He knew better than to change Jonne’s
mind. If his older brother’s mind was set on the parka, Jonne would buy it. “It
might clash with Juha’s red hair though!”
Jonne shrugged. “I don’t care as long as it keeps me
warm!” Jonne removed the parka and nodded satisfactory. He was going to buy it.
All he needed now were some warm boots.
~~~
Two hours later, Ville and Jonne made it home carrying
several shopping bags. Exhausted, they dropped onto the kitchen chairs and
checked their purchases. Except for the parka and boots which Jonne had needed,
they had ended up buying more clothes.
“I’m too tired to make coffee,” Jonne said,
complaining and giving Ville a pleading look.
“Just give me a moment to catch my breath and then I’ll
get the coffee maker started.” Ville shook his head in exasperation. Whenever
he went shopping with Jonne, the amount of money on his bank account became
dangerously low. After another minute, Ville got to his feet and made coffee.
“So what are you going to do this evening? Got any plans?”
“I’ll pack my suitcase,” Jonne said and gave Ville a
helpless look. How was he supposed to decide what to pack or not? He wasn’t
like Antti who went on tour with only two plastic bags filled with underwear
and some spare clothes. He wanted to take everything with him!
Ville smiled sweetly and poured them their coffee.
“Want my help?”
Jonne nodded thankfully. “Maybe then I’ll be ready in
time when Juha shows up tomorrow.”
Ville laughed again. “I’ll even sit on it so you can
close it!”
Jonne grew flustered. It wouldn’t be the first time
that he would need his brother’s help in that way!
~~~
“You did it!” Ville grinned at his brother. He’d had
to sit on the pink suitcase, but in the end, Jonne had managed to close it. “I
hope you can still get it downstairs!” That suitcase was damn heavy. He didn’t
know how Jonne had done it, but half of his brother’s wardrobe had found its
way into that suitcase. “Looks like you’re going on a world tour!”
Jonne gave his brother an apologetic smile. “We’ll be
in the countryside, so there will be little opportunity to shop! I need to take
everything I need with me!”
Ville helped Jonne drag his suitcase over to the front
door and once it was safely stored away, the two brothers went into the living
room. It was eleven o’clock and Ville decided against going to his apartment.
He would simply spend the night at Jonne’s again.
They retrieved some alcohol free beer from the kitchen
and settled down on the couch. Ville searched his brother’s CD collection and
called out when he found Reflexion’s Out of the dark CD. “Look what I’ve
found!”
“I didn’t even know I possessed one!” It might be
something Lauri had brought along for him to listen to. Lauri always did that
and often, they got song ideas from listening to new albums.
Ville put it in the CD player and settled down next to
Jonne. “If you’re real nice to Juha, he might give you a copy of their new
album.” Ville gave his brother a wink.
Jonne smiled and listened to the song playing in the
background. Juha really had an interesting voice. “I still can’t believe that
I’m going to do this. It’s Nakki’s fault, you know. He talked me into it.”
“If Nakki hadn’t done that, I would have!” Ville
leaned against his brother and made himself comfortable. He pulled the fleece
blanket, which was usually draped across the couch, close and tucked it around
their forms. “He’s sexy…”
Jonne raised an eyebrow and tried to catch Ville’s
gaze. “What did you say?”
“Juha! He’s sexy…” Ville grinned wickedly at Jonne.
“And you’ll be alone with him… For a whole week!”
Jonne shook his head. “I can’t believe what you’re
hinting at!”
“Come on! You like men! It’s not like you’ve only been
with women.” Ville rested his head against Jonne’s shoulder and searched his
brother’s expression. “I bet he likes men too.”
Jonne couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you
trying to get Juha and me together, or what? Ville, we met yesterday. We talked
and got along. That’s all there is to it!” Why was Ville acting like Nakki all
of a sudden? The keyboarder had also hinted that there was more going on. Why
couldn’t they stop pestering him?
“Yeah right. Just tell yourself that.” Ville sipped
his beer and closed his eyes, enjoying his brother’s company. He knew he was
going to miss having his older brother around during the next week.
~~~
The Helsinki gig went well, but the one in Tampere had
been better. The Helsinki crowd wasn’t as easily impressed and it took Juha a
lot of coaxing to get them onto his side. In the end though, the audience had
reacted enthusiastically and there had been a large number of fans waiting for
them after their gig. The band had talked to them, signed their stuff and had
their picture taken with them. Almost two hours later, they finally got the chance
to head for their hotel.
The first thing Juha did was shower – long and hot.
Once he was satisfied that all sweat had been removed, he wrapped a towel
around his hair and joined Mikko in the bedroom. His friend was already in bed,
peeking at him from beneath the comforter. Juha sat down and grinned at him.
“It was a good show!”
Mikko nodded. “We’re getting better.”
“We were good already!” Juha grinned back and then
settled down for the night as well. He wasn’t used to being up all night. His
body possessed a natural, biological clock that woke him up before he had to go
to work in the morning and after three late nights, it was grossly messed up.
“How late do you want to check out tomorrow?”
“If you want to pick Jonne up at one, we need to leave
around ten. You know what the traffic is like here and we have the truck with
equipment with us.”
Juha considered his options. “Why don’t you take the
truck along with the guys and I head for Jonne’s place?”
Mikko grinned naughtily. “So you get Jonne all to
yourself?”
Juha blushed. Damn, caught! “Not really. I was just
trying to be practical!”
Mikko wiggled an eyebrow. “We both know that it’s not
the truth, but I’m okay with it. I’ll get the truck home safely and you pick up
Jonne.”
“I knew you’d see it my way,” Juha said and chuckled
before tucking the comforter around his body. Worked every time!
Mikko let Juha believe that. He was too tired to start
another row with his friend. He wanted to get some sleep instead because it was
a hell of a long drive to Oulu!
~~~
That night, a combination of agitation, excitement,
impatience and apprehension, kept Jonne from falling asleep. Ville was already
peacefully asleep and snoring lightly, curled up next to him, but the older
Liimatainen simply couldn’t sleep. What would it be like, spending a week up in
that cabin with only Juha for company? Would they get along? Would they fight?
Would they end up hating each other? Or would they get along and discover that
they had much in common? Would their music build a bridge?
Those questions kept Jonne awake most of the night. He
knew that he was probably worrying about nothing, but he couldn’t help but
worry – it was part of his nature.
It wasn’t until the morning came that Jonne managed to
doze off and that Juha managed to steal into his dreams again.
TBC
Part 4
Jonne jumped to his feet when the doorbell rang.
Excitedly, he looked at Ville, who had offered to stay until Juha had collected
him. Jonne wouldn’t have survived the wait if his younger brother had left him
alone. “That’s Juha!” It was five minutes past one. It had to be the redhead.
Ville chuckled at seeing Jonne bounce about like that.
Jonne often did that that when he was nervous. “Then let him in or he might
leave again because he thinks you’re not in!”
Jonne practically ran to the intercom system. “Jonne
here.”
“Hey, it’s your favorite taxi driver. Are you ready to
go?” Juha felt proud for being on time. Mikko had been right. Helsinki’s
traffic had been horrible and he knew that only too well as he faced it almost
daily when he had to go to work. “Want me to come upstairs or are you coming
down?”
Jonne looked at his pink suitcase. “Uhm, I have a problem.”
From the back, Ville called out, “Jonne needs someone
to haul his suitcase downstairs and he knows that I won’t do it!”
Jonne shot his younger brother an angry look. “I don’t
need anyone to haul it downstairs! I can do it myself!”
Ville chuckled. “I want to see that.”
“Hey, are you going to let me in?” Juha asked, amused
at hearing them banter in the background. It was good to hear that Jonne wasn’t
so depressed anymore. Jonne pressed the button and the door downstairs opened.
Juha climbed the stairs and absentmindedly ran his fingers through his long,
red hair.
Jonne stepped aside to let Juha in and smiled shyly at
the redhead. “You’re punctual.”
“Well, I left in time. Helsinki traffic is a killer.”
Juha shot Jonne a wink when he discovered the monster of a pink suitcase
standing next to the blond. “Let me guess… That one is yours?”
Jonne had the grace to blush. “Don’t worry. I’ll get
it downstairs myself!” He glared at his younger brother, but Ville merely
chuckled.
“I’ll help. I really don’t mind,” Juha assured Jonne.
“Mikko makes me haul things around all the time.”
Jonne gave Juha a blinding smile and realized that
spending a week with Juha in Oulu might be a good thing. There was something
about the redhead that put him at ease and made him lower his defenses. “Do you
want to leave right away or…?”
“Actually yes. It’s still a few hours to Oulu and I
like to drive in daylight… if that’s okay with you.” Juha eyed the pink
suitcase, wondering just how heavy it was.
Jonne retrieved his shoulder bag and then returned to
his suitcase. Awkwardly, but doing his utmost best, he started to drag it into
the corridor. He refused to give in or admit that he needed help. Ville had
challenged him and he was going to get it downstairs unaided!
“I had better give him a hand! Bye, Ville!” Juha waved
at the younger Liimatainen and stepped back into the corridor. The way Jonne
was standing on the staircase while trying to drag the suitcase along worried
Juha. If Jonne was going to take a fall then… “Let me help.”
Jonne however remained stubborn. “I can do it myself!”
Juha sighed and shook his head. “Just be careful…” He
moved in such a way that he stood in front of Jonne so he could catch the blond
should the suitcase drag him along. He eyed Jonne closely and had to stop
himself from reaching out. Then Jonne’s bad luck returned and the blond lost his
footing when the suitcase started to slide.
“Fuck!” Jonne cursed and quickly let go of the
suitcase. It was only thanks to Juha, who steadied him that he didn’t plunge
downstairs after his suitcase.
Juha decided not to say anything. Juha was afraid that
Jonne might take his words the wrong way, namely as a lecture. He made sure
Jonne had found his balance again and then marched downstairs to ‘rescue’ the
suitcase. It had come to a stop and lay crushed against a wall. Juha dragged it
to the door downstairs, opened it, and pulled it over to his car. Jonne
followed suit, but a quick look at the blond’s face told Juha that Jonne was
angry with himself. Juha put the suitcase in the trunk and opened the door so
Jonne could get onto the passenger’s seat. “Prepare for a long drive. It’ll
take us five to six hours to get to Oulu and then another one to reach the
cabin.”
Jonne knew he was being childish, but he couldn’t help
it. Ville had challenged him and he had accepted and then he had made an utter
fool out of himself. He wasn’t angry with Ville and he was even grateful that
Juha hadn’t called him on his juvenile behavior. He was simply angry with
himself for being unable to get his suitcase downstairs without any incidents.
Juha switched on the radio and settled for a station
playing eighties music. He started the engine and drove out of the street,
heading for the highway. He wasn’t sure if he should start a conversation.
Maybe he should wait until Jonne addressed him. But what if the blond felt too
embarrassed to do so? “So did you pack warm clothes? I don’t want you to
freeze.”
Relieved that Juha wasn’t addressing his earlier
failure, Jonne nodded. “I bought a parka yesterday and some boots. I should be
okay. I’d rather stay inside though. Minus twenty degrees is a bit too cold for
me.”
“Just wait and see.” Juha grew more enthusiastic as he
continued. “The snow makes it look virgin-white and when the sun shines it’s
really quite a spectacular sight.”
“You like being up there? In the countryside, I mean?
Oulu is a rather big city and I’m surprised that you prefer the countryside.”
Jonne didn’t notice it himself, but he was growing interested and his anger
faded.
“When I was little, I didn’t live in the city. My
family had a house outside of the city center and I grew up running wild in the
woods. Winter was always one of my favorite seasons. Especially when there’s
snow and you can have a snowball fight!” Juha smiled brilliantly at Jonne and
the blond’s mood visibly brightened. “We can build a snowman if you want.”
“I’m not a child anymore…” But on the inside Jonne
loved the idea. He hadn’t had a carefree childhood. His parents had presented
him with problems and living at the children’s home had been taxing too.
“I’m a big child,” Juha said and chuckled. “And I
wouldn’t want it any other way! I don’t ever want to grow up!”
Jonne couldn’t help but smile at the redhead. It was
beyond him how Juha had managed to disperse his gloomy thoughts. All he could
think of now was building a snowman and throw snowballs at Juha!
“You can take a nap, if you want to. I have to
concentrate on driving and you don’t need to stay awake for my sake. I’m used
to driving the distance.”
“Maybe in a little while,” Jonne said, realizing he
actually enjoyed talking to the redhead. “I’m not tired.”
“You didn’t pack your guitar?” Juha asked and peeked
at Jonne.
Jonne grew flustered. “I forgot. Is that a bad thing?”
“No, we’ll manage.” Juha turned onto the highway and
pressed deeper into the comfort of his chair, getting ready for the long drive
to Oulu.
~~~
“I really think pink is a pretty color! And it
combines really well!”
Juha grinned. It was easy to start a row with Jonne.
During the first hour, Jonne hadn’t been sure how to react to his cheeky
comments, but once the drive continued, Jonne grew more relaxed and realized he
was being teased. “But it clashes terribly with red!”
Jonne smiled warmly at Juha. The way Juha had managed
to get through his defenses still baffled him. “Not if you combine them well!”
“I like the combination of red and black.” Juha threw
back his hair and grinned cheekily, drawing Jonne’s attention to his mane.
Jonne had noticed the black streaks in the red hair
and had to admit that it looked good on Juha. Growing curious, he asked, “Can I
ask you something?” He didn’t want to pry: they didn’t know each other well
enough to simply assume that Juha would answer him.
“Sure, go ahead.” Juha was glad for the distraction.
Although he was used to driving the distance, it was always hard to stay focused
on the road.
“Does your family still live in Oulu?” Family was
important to Jonne and he hoped he had found a safe topic to discuss.
“Yes, my parents still do. My brother, Jarmo, moved
away some years ago though, as you already know, but we visit our parents
regularly.”
“Jarmo is your only sibling?”
Juha nodded. “One nuisance is more than enough, don’t
you think?” He grinned at Jonne.
Jonne shrugged. “Ville isn’t just my brother. He’s my
best friend. I trust him.”
“You have an older brother too, don’t you?”
Nodding, Jonne said, “Tommi. But we’re not *that*
close. I guess we’re too many years apart. I love him, but…there’s a distance
between us which doesn’t exist with Ville and me.” Shooting Juha a glance,
Jonne could tell that the redhead wanted to probe deeper. As he wanted to
prevent that from happening, he added, “Are you going to visit your parents
this time?”
“Probably… Before I leave for home again.” Juha
realized Jonne had steered away from discussing Tommi for a reason and didn’t
pry. There was something else he wanted to know too though: he just hoped he
wasn’t crossing any boundaries. “So tell me. Doesn’t your girlfriend get
jealous when you spend that much time with Ville?” It wasn’t really subtle, but
he wanted to know and he didn’t want to create any misunderstandings.
Jonne shot Juha a quick look. He hadn’t expected that
question, but he should have. If Nakki and Ville were right, then Juha was
interested in him – in that way too. “I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment.
My last break-up happened a year ago. She couldn’t deal with me being so
well-known and grew jealous. I had no choice but to let her go.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Juha said. “It’s always hard
to let go.” Unwillingly his thoughts returned to Kristiina. “But I’m sure
you’ll find a new girlfriend.” Glancing at Jonne he wondered if he could go one
step further. “Or maybe boyfriend?”
Jonne swallowed. It was obvious that Juha was trying
to find out about his sexual orientation. It was best to be honest – he didn’t
believe in lying and he had the feeling it might be best if he told Juha the
truth. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’m open to both possibilities.” He kept looking
at Juha and felt relieved when a smile appeared on the redhead’s face. “How
about you?” He’d better ask now as he didn’t know when he would get another
shot at asking Juha that question.
“Same goes for me.” Juha congratulated himself on
getting that out of the way. At least they knew where they both stood now.
~~~
Jonne grew increasingly worried as they got closer to
Oulu. “There’s so much snow!”
Juha however didn’t fret. “It’s normal. It’s always
like that in winter.”
“But it’ll be damn cold!”
“You brought warm clothes, didn’t you?” Juha left the
highway and changed direction as he didn’t want to head for the town itself,
but the location where the cabin was at. It had taken them longer than expected
to get there and that was due to the bad weather. “I reckon we’ll get there
around seven o’clock.”
Although Jonne had done little than talk and look out
of the window, he felt tired. It was the constant driving and lack of movement.
Juha had stopped two times to stretch his legs, but still, it hadn’t helped
much to do away with Jonne’s fatigue. “I think I’ll dive right into bed when we
get there.”
Juha shook his head. “No way. I want to show you the
area!”
“In the dark? With the temperature dropping further?
No thank you! We can do that tomorrow when there’s daylight!” Jonne looked
outside again and decided he was definitely not going for a walk in all that snow
that evening. He wanted to cuddle up in bed, close his eyes and sleep – and
hopefully *not* dream about Juha for a change!
“We’ll see,” Juha chuckled. He would bide his time.
~~~
Jonne’s jaw dropped when he got out of the car. They
had reached the cabin and moonbeams illuminated the small building. The cabin
looked acceptable, but what really worried Jonne was the large amount of snow
that surrounded them. Upon getting out of the car, his foot disappeared beneath
the white substance. “Fuck!”
Juha merely grinned and got out as well. He walked
over to the cabin and opened the door, knowing Jonne would want to get inside
as quickly as possible. The blond looked miserable the way he was staring at
the snow. Juha however was confident that he could sway Jonne’s opinion and
that the blond would come to love it up here. “There, go inside and turn up the
heating, will you? I’ll get the luggage.”
Jonne quickly complied and disappeared inside the
cabin. He stepped into the kitchen and found the light switch. Well, maybe his
bad luck had finally gone away. The light went on and a quick look told him
that the cabin was comfortable and even luxurious to a certain degree. He
checked on the heating and turned it on. While Juha hauled their stuff inside,
Jonne moved into the living room, switched the light on there as well and
turned on the heating. “Where are the bedrooms and the bath room?”
“Upstairs,” Juha said and pointed out the staircase to
Jonne.
Jonne didn’t lose any time and climbed the stairs.
First, he located the bathroom, which possessed a big bathtub. He put on the
heating there and searched for the bedrooms. He found one – a double – and made
sure the heating was on. Then he went in search of the other bedroom, but
didn’t find it. “Juha, where’s the other bedroom?” Juha hadn’t said anything
about sharing!
Juha had climbed the stairs and joined Jonne in the
corridor. Jonne looked lost and in a way adorable. “There’s only one bedroom.
Didn’t I tell you?” Cheekily, he smiled at Jonne.
Jonne’s eyes widened. So he wasn’t going to have his
privacy during the night? “Does that mean…?” He pointed at the king-sized bed.
“We have to share, yes. Do you mind?” Juha moved over
to the bed and sat down on it. “It’s big and comfortable.” Checking underneath
it, he added, “I can push the two singles apart, if you want to.”
Jonne nodded. “I would appreciate that.” He wasn’t
really at ease with the thought of sleeping in the same bed as Juha.
“Can I do that later? I need a bite to eat and the
food I brought should go into the fridge as quickly as possible.”
“Sure, that’s okay. I’ll help!” Jonne wanted to make
himself useful.
“It’s not that much work!” Juha got to his feet again
and the two of them returned to the kitchen where they packed the food into the
cupboards and fridge. Juha sat down, drew in a deep breath and smiled happily.
“I love being here! If you listen closely, you don’t hear a thing except for
your breathing.”
“It’s quiet…way too quiet.” Jonne wasn’t used to that.
“You’ll get used to it! It’s very soothing!” Juha put
bread and toppings onto the kitchen table. “Tea? Coffee? Hot chocolate? I
brought it all.” He had gone overboard when he had hit the grocery store before
picking up Jonne.
Jonne sat down as well and removed his coat. He kept
the shawl on though, as he liked burrowing the bottom half of his face in the
material. “I’d love some hot chocolate, but only if it’s not too much work!”
“I’ll have some too!” Juha got out a pan, put in the
milk and started to heat it.
“You seem to know your way about this place.”
“I come here often, once, maybe twice a year. So yes,
I know where to find stuff. This cabin is well-equipped and even has heating
and indoor plumbing!”
Jonne blushed, recalling he had asked Juha that. “I
didn’t know what to expect.” But now that the room was heating up, it was
comfortable enough. He waited for Juha to prepare the hot chocolate and grinned
at seeing the redhead add vodka to it. That drink would really heat him up from
the inside. He took hold of the mug and thanked Juha for making it.
“Eat!” Juha said and pointed at the food. They hadn’t
had much to eat since they had left Tampere so he dug in and buttered two
slices of bread before topping them. “I also brought candy and chocolate. I
have a sweet tooth,” he said and shrugged.
“That’s okay with me. I like candy and chocolate.”
Jonne made himself a sandwich and ate it before blowing onto the surface of the
hot drink in order to cool it. “Are we all alone out here?”
“Not really. There’re a number of cabins situated around
us. It’s part of some holiday park. There’s even a little supermarket and
restaurant nearby. I’ll show you tomorrow.”
Jonne nodded and sipped his drink. “I’ve been
wondering…what made you invite me?”
Juha cocked his head and gave Jonne a wicked look.
“It’s more fun staying up here when you have company. Being alone gets boring
after a while…”
“And that’s it?” Jonne didn’t quite believe Juha,
knowing there was more to it.
Juha shrugged and hid his face partly behind his mug.
“You looked like you needed a break.”
Jonne swallowed hard. “I must have made quite a bad
impression on you then.”
“Not necessarily bad. Just…tired and in need of a
change. I know that Mikko has a lot of stress because of the band and it must
be even worse for you as Negative is even bigger.”
Juha had made a valid point there. Even Jonne realized
that. “Thanks for inviting me. So far, I’m enjoying myself.” It was the truth.
Just sitting in the kitchen and sipping his hot chocolate created a warm
sensation in the pit of his stomach.
“You’re welcome.” Juha was happy to see Jonne smile.
It confirmed that his idea to invite Jonne had been the right one.
~~~
“You don’t have to do that,” Jonne said softly. He was
upstairs, in their bedroom, and Juha had first dragged his own suitcase and
then Jonne’s upstairs.
“You’re a guest here so prepare to be pampered.” He
opened the closet door and pointed Jonne to the right side. “That’s your
space.”
Jonne wasn’t sure his clothes would fit in there, but
he would try. The next few minutes they spent unpacking their stuff, putting it
away in the closet or the bathroom. It was a strange little ritual, but somehow
Jonne liked it. “And now what?” he asked once they had moved their empty
suitcases out of the way.
“I can’t tempt you to go for a walk?” Juha asked
although he already knew the answer.
“Not tonight.” Jonne looked outside and only saw a
white-grey blanket that covered the earth and was being illuminated by
moonbeams. “It has to be colder than minus twenty out there.”
“Maybe,” Juha replied. “But you’d get a chance to try
that pink parka of yours.” He giggled. The color was really a bit girly!
Jonne pretended to pout. “I’ll test it tomorrow!”
Juha gave in. “Want to go downstairs? We can watch
television or read. I brought some books which you can burrow. Or jam a bit?
Juha grinned. “Or we can get drunk!”
Jonne wasn’t sure about getting drunk. He had no idea
what would happen if he ended up intoxicated. It was best to play it safe.
“I’ll settle for watching a movie. I’m beat.” The drive had tired him.
“Fine…Let’s see if something decent is on. Do you mind
me bringing along the vodka?”
“No, that’s okay. I don’t mind drinking some. I just
don’t want to get drunk and embarrass myself by doing something utterly
stupid!”
Juha laughed and placed a hand on Jonne’s shoulder.
“In that case, let’s get drunk together and we both do something embarrassing!”
Jonne quivered beneath the touch. He wasn’t sure
though why. Juha’s hand felt warm, not intimidating or forward. “Maybe
tomorrow.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” Juha flashed Jonne a grin
before removing his hand again. He had the feeling he might be in for a very
interesting holiday.
~~~
Juha couldn’t believe that he had let Jonne convince
him to watch Titanic. The movie had been on its way for five minutes when the
blond had come across it. Jonne had practically begged him to watch the movie
with him and Juha had relented. After all, Jonne was his guest and so they had
settled down on the comfortable couch to watch Titanic. His rest hadn’t lasted
very long though as the blond had started to shiver. Jonne hadn’t complained
about being cold, but Juha had gotten the hint anyway. So he had gotten up and
had retrieved a blanket from upstairs. Jonne had given him a grateful look when
Juha had covered him with it and a sigh had escaped the blond’s lips.
They were forty minutes into the movie when Juha
turned his head to ask Jonne if he wanted a drink too when the words died on
his lips. The younger man was fast asleep and the eyes tightly closed. A grin
stole onto his lips. He liked the way Jonne looked when the younger man was
asleep.
For a few minutes he privately debated if he should
get Jonne upstairs and in bed, but then he decided against it, as the blond
seemed comfortable asleep the way he was. Juha took hold of the remote control
and switched channels now that he didn’t have to watch the movie any longer. He
eventually settled for a wildlife documentary.
~~~
One hour later, Jonne woke because of movement close
to him. Reluctantly he opened his eyes and caught something red moving past
him. Something red? His eyes widened as he took in the alien surroundings. He
obviously wasn’t at home! So where was he?
“Is everything fine? You look spooked.” Juha, who had
gotten himself some tea, settled down on the couch next to Jonne and gave him a
worried look. He hoped it hadn’t been him getting up that had woken the blond.
The younger man had looked so peaceful asleep.
Jonne needed a moment to get his orientation back and
only then realized where he was– namely at the cabin in Oulu. “Oh, I fell
asleep, didn’t I?” Feeling ashamed, he gave Juha an apologetic look. “I didn’t
mean to. It was the long drive.”
“Don’t worry about it. You can go to bed if you want.”
Juha sipped his tea and smiled reassuringly at Jonne. “You must be tired to
fall asleep like that.”
“I didn’t sleep very well these last two nights,”
Jonne admitted without going into details. Juha didn’t need to know that the
redhead had haunted his dreams. “But going to bed might be a good idea, that
is, if you really don’t mind.”
Juha shook his head. “I don’t. I wanted to do some
reading at any rate.” Along with his tea, he had also retrieved the book he was
reading. “I’ll get breakfast ready in the morning, but don’t worry. I won’t
wake you at six.” He winked at Jonne.
“That would be great. I’d like to sleep in…” Getting
up around six would have been way too early, especially as this was supposed to
be some sort of ‘holiday’. Jonne yawned,
pulled the blanket around his form, and got to his feet. “I’ll be off then!”
“Sleep well!” Juha smiled at the blond and watched
Jonne ascend the stairs. Once the younger man had vanished from view, Juha
stretched on the couch, moved the lamp about until the light was optimal and
opened his book.
~~~
Jonne made a quick stop at the bathroom and then went
into the bedroom, where he was reminded of the fact that the two single beds
hadn’t been moved yet. He briefly considered moving them himself, but decided
he was too tired to do that. There was also very little chance of Juha
misbehaving during the night so Jonne decided to remove his sweater and jeans
and slipped between the covers. Ville would have called him on the fact that he
kept his socks on in bed, but thankfully his younger brother wasn’t around. He
couldn’t help it that he got cold feet quickly!
Quickly, he tugged, pushed, and pulled the comforter
into place so no cold air could reach his body. He even pulled the material
half across his face and sighed blissfully when he started to feel warm again.
The mattress was surprisingly comfortable and Jonne fell asleep within minutes.
~~~
It was three o’clock in the morning when Juha finally
closed his book. He had actually managed a large chunk of it, an impressing
hundred fifty pages, but now his eyes were closing all by themselves. It was a
sure sign to put the book aside and to go to bed.
Juha got to his feet, stretched, yawned and rubbed his
eyes with the back of his hands. It was a good thing that he didn’t have to get
up early the next morning!
He climbed the stairs, detoured to the bathroom where
he removed his make-up, and then went into the bedroom. He remained standing in
the doorway and grinned upon seeing Jonne fast asleep. He was glad that he had
asked the younger man to tag along. Although he liked being alone up here, he
liked having company even better.
After removing his sweater, shirt, jeans and socks,
Juha slipped onto the covers too. Jonne stirred instantly as they shared the
same comforter.
“Don’t be like that,” Juha whispered when Jonne tried
to hog the comforter. “Let me have some too!” Jonne’s reaction to his request
surprised him however. Instead of letting go of the comforter which the blond
was clutching, Jonne moved closer to him. Juha raised an eyebrow, but allowed
the younger man to snuggle up to him. It was quite pleasant to have the blond
that close. Jonne was warm, soft and definitely welcome.
Wrapping his arms around the younger man, Juha tucked
Jonne’s head beneath his chin and smiled. That smile was still plastered on his
face when he fell asleep ten minutes later.
TBC
Part 5
His biological clock woke Juha around nine in the
morning. Later than it should, but it was a start. Feeling something warm
pressed against his side, Juha opened his eyes and looked at Jonne, who was
still blissfully asleep and even drooling slightly. He didn’t mind that Jonne
was actually drooling on him, as he was relieved that Jonne had slept peacefully,
especially since the blond’s last two nights had been restless.
Juha rolled Jonne onto his side and away from him, and
covered the younger man with the comforter to make sure the blond stayed warm.
Juha rose, got to his feet and went into the bathroom where he showered. After
drying his skin and wrapping a towel around his wet hair, he went back into the
bedroom, opened the closet and retrieved briefs, black jeans and a warm black
sweater. While getting dressed, Juha looked at Jonne from over his shoulder and
found him still asleep. He was impressed. He was a light sleeper and even the smallest
sound woke him up.
He didn’t wake Jonne though. He hoped that the
fragrance of coffee would do that for him. Juha went downstairs and headed for
the kitchen, picking up his mobile phone on his way. Checking it, he found he
had a message from Mikko.
*Enjoying yourself?*
Juha laughed, entered the kitchen and headed for the
coffeemaker. He was tempted to pull his friend’s leg. While making coffee he
singlehandedly punched in a reply.
*Yes, sex in the morning is the best ever!*
Grinning like mad, sent it and wondered how long it
would take Mikko to respond. In the meantime he set the table and put sugar and
milk in his mug, waiting for the coffee to finish. All the while, he kept a
close eye on his mobile phone.
After pouring the coffee into the mug, he stirred and
sipped. Ah, heaven! He wasn’t much of a coffee drinker, but one mug of coffee
in the morning was a must! Juha opened the oven door, put in some croissants
and buns and switched it on. He didn’t believe in preheating the thing! He had
just sat down on a kitchen chair when his mobile phone rang. Grinning from ear
to ear, he picked it up, having seen Mikko’s name on the display. He let it
ring a few times before answering it.
“I don’t believe you! You’re lying!” Mikko said in an
outburst.
“Oh, you have no faith in my charms?” Juha chuckled
and sipped his coffee again.
“I know how charming you can be, but I doubt even you
can manage to get into Jonne’s pants that quickly.”
“I don’t need to – he isn’t wearing any at the
moment.” Juha couldn’t stop chuckling. He loved pushing his friend’s buttons.
“He was warm and soft in my arms last night!”
“You cuddled! Nothing else happened! No way!”
“Okay, I was pulling your leg, but you’re so easily
riled!” Juha caught movement in the corridor and realized Jonne had gotten out
of bed. “I’m in here!” he called out to the blond. “Mikko, I’ve got to go. I
promised Jonne breakfast.”
“I’ll let you go then,” Mikko said in a grumpy voice.
“But I’ll keep an eye on you!”
Juha ended the conversation, placed the device aside
and grinned when a sleep-drunk Jonne stumbled into the kitchen. The blue eyes
were only half open, a sure sign that the blond wasn’t completely awake yet.
The comforter was still wrapped around Jonne’s body and the younger man dragged
the material partly behind him.
“Coffee?” Jonne asked hopefully. He had smelled some,
hadn’t he?
“Sit down and I’ll get you some!” Juha pointed Jonne
to one of the kitchen chairs, got out another mug and poured his guest some
coffee. “Milk and sugar?”
“Black please…” Jonne sighed and curled his fingers
around the mug. “What time is it?”
“Almost eleven in the morning. I take it that you
slept well?” Juha removed the croissants and buns from the oven, put them in
the bread basket and placed it on the kitchen table.
“I did… I slept almost twelve hours and I didn’t wake
once. I can’t remember the last time that happened.” Jonne sipped and cast a
hungry glance at the croissants.
“Go ahead! Grab one! That’s why I made them!” Juha
took hold of a bun and started eating.
Jonne opted for a croissant and pulled bits off with
his fingers, feeding himself that way. Now that he’d had some coffee he was felt
human again and awake enough to carry on a conversation. “You’re right, you
know. I like it here. Accepting your invitation was the right thing to do.”
Juha’s smile brightened and he ate a second bun. “Can
I tempt you to go for a walk? The sun’s shining and it won’t be so cold when
there’s daylight.”
Jonne was about to deny Juha when he saw the hopeful
gleam in the green eyes. So far, Juha had been really nice and accommodating
and he shouldn’t be egoistic. “I’ll go for a short walk with you.” Juha’s smile
became brilliant and Jonne smiled along. Apparently going for a walk meant a
lot to Juha. “I’d like to shower first though.”
Juha coughed. “You might want to wait with that until
we get back. Snow is…wet. Especially if it hits you in the form of a snowball.”
Jonne laughed. “Is that a threat? And who says that
you’ll be able to hit me?”
“I can try.” Juha grinned wickedly at Jonne, and to
his relief and joy, the blond smirked right back at him.
~~~
Juha raised and wiggled an eyebrow upon seeing Jonne
descending the stairs. Jonne wore his pink parka, winter boots, beanie and a
white shawl made of fleece. “Oh, you’re really afraid of the cold!”
Jonne gave Juha a puzzled look. “Are you wearing just
that?” Juha had donned his black coat and had wrapped a shawl around his neck.
The coat didn’t look like it would keep Juha warm though.
“I’m used to it! Don’t worry!” Looking at Jonne, he
wondered if he really saw concern in those blue eyes. “Really! I’ve been
running around like this forever!”
“Alright then.” Jonne wasn’t really satisfied with
Juha’s state of dress, but let it go. So, they were going outside then where it
was minus twenty degrees. That was way too cold for him! But he would face the
cold for the redhead.
A few minutes later, Jonne stepped outside and his eyes
widened upon realizing that it wasn’t as cold as he had feared. Maybe the
sunbeams warmed him, but it was feasible.
Juha closed the door behind them, locked it and
pocketed the key. “Is it okay if we go to the supermarket? I still need some
things for dinner and the distance is doable. I can also show you some
interesting sights along the way.”
Jonne nodded. “That’s fine with me.” Looking about, he
smiled. Juha had been right all along – the snow, the sun that glittered on the
white surface and the green of the trees gave everything an interesting and
even romantic touch. Juha gestured for him to start walking and Jonne braved
his way through the snow. The first few steps were awkward, but once he had
gotten used to the snow beneath his feet, he was able to make speed and to keep
up with Juha.
“There are some more cabins up there,” Juha said, pointing
the location out to Jonne. “We’re not really out here on our own.”
Jonne had spotted the cabins as well. “You’re right.
The countryside is special here.”
Juha felt relaxed and hooked his arm with Jonne’s. The
blond gave him an odd look at first, but then relented. Arm in arm, they
continued their little trip until Juha came to a halt in order to point out the
lake to Jonne. “In summer, you can fish there, but not now.” The lake had
frozen and several people were either walking or skating on the surface. “Can
you skate?” Juha asked, having an idea.
“When I was much younger I went skating with Tommi. He
wanted to be part of the ice hockey team and we spent many hours at the ice
hall.” Jonne wasn’t sure though that he would still manage. “I didn’t bring any
skates though.”
“We can rent them. That’s no problem!” Juha was
determined to go skating one of these days. “The supermarket is over there!”
Jonne’s gaze followed the direction Juha pointed in.
It was a miniature supermarket – at least it looked that way.
“And there’s the restaurant. If you want to, we can go
eat there one of these days!” Juha changed direction and headed for the
supermarket. He had considered throwing some snowballs at Jonne, but had
decided to wait until they were on their way back to the cabin. He didn’t want
Jonne to be cold and wet during their walk.
Jonne wasn’t even aware he was doing it, but he was
cuddling close to Juha and pulled the redhead closer by using the hold he had
on the older man’s arm. “It’s not as cold as I thought it would be.”
“Told you so.” Juha smiled at Jonne and cocked his
head. The blue eyes twinkling back at him shone mischievously. It really warmed
his heart to see the change in them. He just hoped it would last.
~~~
Much to Juha’s amusement and surprise the food items
Jonne placed into their shopping basket which Juha had volunteered to carry,
were mostly healthy and considered good choices. Juha hadn’t really expected
that.
“Do you think the shopping basket can handle more
food?” Jonne smiled seductively at Juha. Although he was reminded of the fact
that his shopping basket had given up on him a few days ago, he no longer felt
bad about it, as it had brought Juha onto his path.
“If it doesn’t, you can help me gather everything.”
Juha winked at Jonne and slipped some potato chips into the basket, not the
light kind – the fatty ones. He liked those best.
Jonne continued to smile. Looking at the groceries in
their basket, he said, “I can cook tonight, if you want to. I only know a
handful of dishes, but those I do well!”
“Sure! You cook and I put my feet up in the living
room and make myself comfortable on the couch. Sounds like a good deal.” Juha
paid for their groceries, put everything in plastic bags and handed one to
Jonne while carrying the heavier one himself. Amused, he watched Jonne put up
the collar of his parka, slip into his mittens and straighten out his shawl and
beanie. “If you stay long enough you’ll become used to the cold.”
“I never will!” Jonne shook his head and followed
Juha, who, to his surprise wasn’t heading for the exit, but toward the little
office located next to the supermarket. He watched as Juha rented two pairs of
ice skates and draped them across his back. “You can’t be serious!” It had been
over ten years since he had last been on the ice!
“I *am* serious! I am very serious.” Juha turned
around and headed for the exit. “If you prefer so, we can go there in the
evening when it’s dark. No one will see you fall on your butt then!”
Jonne swallowed hard and stared at Juha’s back. He
wanted to come up with a witty remark, but couldn’t think of anything. Falling
into place next to Juha, he cast wondering looks at the redhead. “Are you
always like this? This chipper? So…fucking active?”
“Most of the time, yes. Don’t worry, it drives Mikko
insane too!” Juha kept the pace low so Jonne wouldn’t tire himself or end up
complaining about their tempo. “And are you always moody? You know, the way you
were back in Tampere.”
Jonne lowered his gaze and shrugged. “I’m afraid so. I
grow depressed at times.”
They continued their trip for another twenty minutes
and then Juha came to a halt. Jonne, who had been walking behind him crashed
into him.
“Why did you stop?” Jonne had been walking behind Juha
because a breeze had risen and as long as he stayed behind the redhead, the
older man sheltered him from the wind.
“Because it’s time.” Juha put down his grocery bag,
added the skates to it and collected snow so he could form a snowball.
“What are you doing?” Jonne watched in wonder. Juha
wasn’t being serious, was he? They were grown men! They couldn’t start a
snowball fight. Okay, Antti would, but Antti was… Antti.
“Aren’t you going to make your own?” Juha had already
formed four snowballs and continued to make more.
Realizing he was in trouble, Jonne put down the bag
and started making his own snowballs. He wasn’t going down without a fight! He
would show Juha that he could throw a mean snowball! Memories returned and
reminded him of a time when Tommi had visited them at the shelter. There had
been lots of snow back then and they had held a snowball fight in the home’s
backyard – Ville, Tommi and he.
Jonne was still lost in thought when the first
projectile hit him in the neck. “Hey!” That wasn’t fair! Juha hadn’t told him
they had actually started! So he aimed at the redhead as well, but Juha quickly
got out of the way and the snowball didn’t hit him.
“Missed me!” Juha called out and targeted another
projectile at Jonne. He hit the blond again, but Jonne retaliated and threw two
snowballs at him at the same time. One of them hit Juha in the face.
“Got you!” Jonne burst out laughing. Oh, the look on
Juha’s face was priceless! If only he had taken his camera along! He would have
loved to take a picture!
“Now it’s war!” Juha threw a few more snowballs and
Jonne retaliated with some of his. In the end, both of them were covered in
snow. Their faces were red and glowed and their eyes sparkled with mirth.
“Enough!” Juha said a few minutes later. “We should
get back to the cabin.” He didn’t worry about himself catching a cold. He was
used to these cold circumstances, but Jonne wasn’t.
Jonne’s first reaction was to call Juha a coward and
to demand they continued, but then he sneezed and he understood why the redhead
wanted them to get moving again. Like Juha, he took hold of their grocery bags
and followed the older man back to the cabin. He kept grinning though and
couldn’t resist temptation. He formed one last snowball, took aim and…
“Fuck!” Juha knew he should have expected an attack
from behind, and maybe he had been hoping Jonne would do something like that
for it enabled him to get revenge. “You’re so dead!” He dropped the bags and
skates, turned around and grinned menacingly at Jonne.
Jonne, who had been giggling, stopped and stared at
Juha with big eyes. What…? He got his answer a moment later when the redhead
crashed into him, taking him down and wrestling him onto the snow. “Don’t you
dare!” he spat at Juha when the older man grabbed a handful of snow. A moment
later something very cold and wet dripped down his back and chest. Juha was
actually shoveling snow into his clothes!
“That will teach you!” Juha took pity on Jonne a
minute later and got to his feet again. He grinned at the blond who was cursing
and awkwardly trying to rid himself of the snow which was melting against his
skin – that soft skin. Ah damn it, not now!
“That was evil!” Jonne complained and glared at Juha.
“That was payback for what you did to me!” Juha
however extended a hand and offered to pull Jonne to his feet. “We’re even
now.” He had snow dripping into his clothes as well because of the snowball
which Jonne had aimed at his neck.
Jonne accepted the help and allowed Juha to pull him
to his feet. “Now I really need to shower!”
Juha picked up their groceries and skates again and
walked next to Jonne, who was still jumping up and down to remove the snow.
Juha knew it wouldn’t work though – it had long melted.
~~~
“I’ll go shower now,” Jonne announced after delivering
the groceries to the kitchen. He unzipped the parka and his features contorted
when he realized just how much snow Juha had slid inside his clothes.
“You do that! I’ll make some tea and sandwiches!”
Going for a walk always made him hungry. Juha removed his coat, shawl, and
boots and unpacked their groceries.
A quick look told Jonne that Juha had gotten wet too.
The back of his sweater was wet and strands of his red hair too. “I’ll hurry so
you can shower too.”
“Take your time and don’t worry.” Juha had intercepted
Jonne’s look. “It’s only snow. It’ll dry. You’re shivering though. Get going!”
Jonne nodded and went upstairs. He removed his
clothes, turned on the water and waited until it had heated sufficiently.
Stepping beneath the water beams, he sighed blissfully. Belatedly, he realized
that he had forgotten to take his shampoo and shower gel into the shower cabin.
Juha’s however stood in a corner and he decided to use those, being under the
impression that the redhead wouldn’t mind. Hum, now there was an interesting
smell when he poured the shampoo into the palm of his hand.
He took his time washing and rinsing his hair and then
worked up foam using Juha’s shower gel. Yes, he liked the fragrances that
drifted through the bathroom. Juha had an excellent taste. He opened the cabin
door, took hold of the towels piled next to the stall and wrapped one around
his hair. Next he dried his skin and stepped out of the cabin. His body lotion
stood in the small cupboard hanging over the sink and he removed it. He busied
himself putting the lotion onto his skin and smiled at his reflection.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so
relaxed. Juha’s company worked wonders. Normally only Ville had such a positive
effect on him. Jonne tiptoed into the bedroom and removed his favorite morning
robe from the closet. It was made out of thick fleece and the soft material felt
comfy and warm against his skin. With the towel still wrapped around his hair,
and his feet covered in warm, fleece socks, Jonne descended the stairs and
stepped into the kitchen where Juha was sipping his tea. He could tell it was
citrus-flavored – the fragrance told him. “I’m back,” he whispered and batted
his eyelashes at Juha.
“I see that! You smell nice, by the way.” Juha smiled
at the blond, having realized that Jonne had used his toiletries. “Would you
like some tea?”
Nodding, Jonne sat down and pulled his knees close to
his chest. Wrapping his morning robe around him, he rested his chin on his
knees and watched Juha. There was no denying that the redhead was handsome. He
hadn’t really realized so until now and he took his time studying the other
man. “How old are you?” he asked growing curious.
“I turned twenty-seven last summer.” Juha put the cup
with tea in front of Jonne and also shoved a plate filled with cookies towards
the blond. “You’re younger, aren’t you?”
Nodding again, Jonne said, “I’m twenty-four.”
“Not that much of a difference.” Juha sipped his tea
again and took hold of the acoustic guitar which he had removed from its
protective case earlier. He rested it on his knee and played a few notes. “I
was wondering if you would mind driving into Oulu tomorrow. I’d like to collect
some stuff from home and maybe you’d like a tour of the city? I know that
you’ve been in Oulu before, but…” He gave Jonne a hopeful look.
Jonne smiled. “Sure, I’d like a tour. I’ll tag along.”
Blowing onto the surface of his tea, he continued to eye Juha closely. There
was something about the redhead that appealed to him. It wasn’t the looks that
attracted him to Juha – it was the redhead’s character – the way the older man
had helped him at the supermarket and kept cheering him up. He wasn’t used to
having someone like Juha around. Usually he was the one having to cheer up
others.
Juha’s fingers glided across the strings and he found
himself playing a Reflexion song. “Is there anything special you want to do
this evening?” A quick look at the clock told him that it was five o’clock
already and it had grown dark outside again.
“Nothing special. I should have brought my guitar though…
It might have been more fun that way.”
“We can pick up one of my old guitars at home
tomorrow. Maybe it would also be nice to collect the camera so we can take some
pictures.” Juha chuckled. “We can play tourist when we tour Oulu.”
Jonne chuckled along. “I like that idea.” They grew
silent after that. Juha continued playing his melodies and the silence between
them felt comfortable.
An hour later Juha placed his guitar aside and Jonne
stirred. “I liked those melodies.”
Juha accepted the compliment. “I try to compose new
songs whenever I can.”
“Maybe we can write a song together?” Jonne suggested.
“It can be our own little project.”
Juha liked the idea. “In that case I’ll also get my
laptop tomorrow. We can try more things that way.” Juha’s stomach growled and
he threw Jonne an apologetic look.
“I guess that means I should start cooking. I’ll get
dressed and then I’ll get started.” Jonne got to his feet and went upstairs to
slip into some faded jeans and a warm, white sweater. He removed the towel from
around his hair, finger-combed it and returned to the kitchen, where Juha was
once more playing his acoustic guitar. He rummaged about in the kitchen
cupboards until he found pots and pans and put on some water. “I hope you like
your food Chinese style.”
“Oh, I’m sure it’ll taste good. Don’t worry about it.”
Juha continued to play, providing them with some background music.
For the next twenty minutes Jonne busied himself
preparing dinner. He cooked the rice, grilled the chicken and prepared the vegetables
that went with it. After adding soy sauce and spices, he put everything
together in a big pan and stirred until it was ready. “I hope you’re still
hungry,” he said as he carried the pan over to the kitchen table, which the
redhead had already set.
“You bet I am!” Juha waited until Jonne had sat down
and then peeked at the blond. “Would you like some wine?”
Jonne nodded. “That would be great.”
Juha opened the wine bottle and poured the red liquid
into Jonne’s glass before filling up his. He raised his glass and said, “To a
great week up here.”
Jonne raised his glass as well and smiled. “So far, I
like it.” Sipping, he kept stealing glances at Juha. He really, really liked
the redhead. Could it be that Ville and Nakki were right and that there was
something ‘more’ to their budding friendship? No, it was way too early to think
about that. They had just met and were still getting to know each other. Jonne
took hold of Juha’s plate and put some of the stir-fry on it. “I hope it’s
edible,” he added, filling up his plate as well. “As I said, I don’t cook often
– or well.”
“It smells good.” Juha took hold of his fork and tried
a first bite. Pleasantly surprised, he nodded at the blond. “I don’t know why
you’re questioning your cooking skills. It tastes great.” It was the truth –
there was no reason to lie and smooth talk Jonne.
“I’m glad you like it.” Jonne tried the food himself
and felt relieved when it tasted okay. “About that suggestion I made earlier.
I’d really like to write a song with you.”
“A duet?” Juha wiggled an eyebrow. And why not? He
liked the idea. It would keep them busy during the evening.
A duet wasn’t what Jonne had had in mind, but now that
Juha had mentioned it, he liked the idea. It would be interesting to find out
how their voices sounded together. “Yes, why not? A duet sounds interesting.”
Peeking at each other and trying to read the other
person’s mind, they ate dinner in a comfortable silence, aware of the
connection that was growing between them.
~~~
That evening, they spent most of their time in the
living room. They took turns at playing the guitar. At first they sang silly
tunes and later even turned to lullabies. Their silliness had everything to do
with the wine, which Juha continued to pour into their glasses. Sitting on the
carpet in front of the fireplace, which Juha had gotten started, they enjoyed
their company and came up with new melodies. Some of them they wrote down
because they sounded promising. They didn’t really notice time passing by and
it wasn’t until Juha started to yawn that they checked it. It was two in the
morning already.
“We’d better turn in for the night,” Juha said and
chuckled. The wine was definitely doing its job. He felt warm, comfortable and
Jonne looked adorable with that flush on his cheeks. Good enough to kiss and
cuddle, but he shouldn’t be thinking that – stupid wine! He really had to stop
drinking!
“And why is that?” Jonne, also tipsy, shot Juha a
lopsided grin.
“If we want to head for Oulu tomorrow we should so
during daylight, especially since there is so much snow about. We don’t want to
get stuck somewhere in the dark!”
“Makes sense!” Jonne however had no intention of
moving. He liked where he was, on the carpet, surrounded by cushions and with a
blanket covering him.
“I’m turning in,” Juha announced and slowly got to his
feet. He extended his hand and offered to pull Jonne to his feet when the
blond’s mobile phone rang.
Giving Juha an apologetic look, Jonne fished the phone
out of his pocket. “I’ll join you in a bit.” Juha nodded and ascended the
stairs, while Jonne checked the name on the display. Ah, he should have known
that Ville would call. “Hei Ville.”
“Jonne! You must be enjoying yourself! I expected you
to call and complain about Juha being boring and telling me to get you, but I
didn’t hear a thing!” A grin sounded in Ville’s voice.
Jonne cuddled up to his cushions and pulled his
blanket close. “I’ve had no reason to complain yet. Juha’s great company and I
like it here. It’s really relaxing.”
“So accepting Juha’s invitation was the right thing?”
Ville didn’t sound surprised at all.
“Yes, it was. I realize that now. It’s strange, Ville.
I never thought I would get along so easily with Juha. I like having him about.
He makes me laugh.”
“That’s a good thing! I had hoped that would happen.
Jonne, just enjoy your time up there.”
Jonne nodded, even though Ville couldn’t see it.
“You’re right. I should make the most of it. Today, we had a snowball fight and
tomorrow we’re going into Oulu. Juha wants to get some things from home and
then he’ll show me the city.”
“It sounds like you’re actually letting him in. That’s
good. I really think Juha and you could become good friends…”
“And maybe even more? Is that what you wanted to add?”
Jonne asked.
“Maybe…” Ville hesitated. “You know my opinion in the
matter. I would love for you to be with someone again. You’re always at your
happiest when you’re in a relationship.”
“When that relationship works.” Jonne sobered. “I’ve
never been lucky in love. Perhaps that’s why Negative is successful. Maybe I’m
not supposed to have both.”
“Don’t say that! It’s not true! You just didn’t meet
the right person yet!”
“And you think that maybe Juha might be the right
person for me?”
“Jonne, the fact that you’re suggesting that should
tell you something! You *are* thinking of him in that way! Otherwise you would
never suggest it!”
Jonne had to admit that Ville was right. “Thanks for
always being there for me, little brother.”
Ville laughed. “You’re always there for me too.”
Yawning, Jonne decided it was time to follow Juha into
bed. “I think I’m going to sleep now. I’m tired… Must be the fresh air I got
when Juha dragged me outside.”
“Yes, go to bed… By the way, do you have separate
bedrooms?” Ville asked wickedly.
Jonne blushed and was grateful that Ville couldn’t see
it. “No, there’s only one bedroom. We have to share.”
“The bed too?” Ville chuckled amused.
“Yes… It didn’t present any problems last night.”
“Go to bed, Jonne! I imagine Juha is already waiting
for you!”
“I doubt that... He’s probably already asleep. He was
tired.” He should end the conversation though. The battery of his mobile phone
was running low. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to! Just enjoy yourself! I only wanted
to check if you were fine.”
“Thanks for worrying… Sleep tight, Ville.”
“You too, Jonne.”
Jonne terminated the call and gazed thoughtfully at
the mobile phone in his hands. His conversation with Ville had raised some
questions and most of them concerned Juha.
~~~
When Jonne stepped into the bedroom a few minutes
later, he found Juha fast asleep. The redhead was curled up on his side and
looked relaxed in sleep. Leaning against the doorway, Jonne studied the older
man. Maybe it was the remnant of the wine making him feel melancholic and a bit
romantic, but Juha looked enchanting while he slept. Jonne wished he could run
a fingertip across those lips and his fingers through the red hair, but he
controlled that urge.
He moved over to the bed, removed his clothes, put on
a T-shirt and slipped beneath the comforter. He was notorious for hogging the
comforter, but it was only because he grew cold so quickly!
Turning onto his side, he continued to look at Juha
and a warm feeling started to spread from his chest into the rest of his body,
making him feel light-headed. It was probably the wine, nothing else.
In the end, fatigue overwhelmed him and forced him to
close his eyes, knowing damn well that he would dream of Juha again that night.
TBC
Part 6
Sometime during the night Jonne woke because he
urgently needed to visit the bathroom. All that wine and tea he had drank
needed out. Even before opening his eyes he grew aware of something warm and
solid in front of him. Jonne opened first his right eye and then his left, only
to stare at the mane of red hair in front of him.
How embarrassing. He had gravitated toward Juha and
lay now spooned behind him with one arm draped across the redhead’s thigh in a
possessive way. He couldn’t even blame Juha for snuggling up to him, as it was
definitely the other way around. There was only one explanation Jonne could
come up with and that was the fact that he might have thought he was sleeping
next to Ville. Ah hell, the reason why didn’t matter – the fact that he *had*
cuddled up to Juha however did.
Careful not to wake the redhead, Jonne removed his arm
and moved backward. He eased the comforter against Juha’s form and silently
left the bed. Looking at the redhead from over his shoulder, that strange warmth
vibrated through his body again. He probably still felt a bit intoxicated
because of the wine he’d had.
Jonne went into the bathroom, relieved himself, washed
his hands and checked his appearance in the mirror. The face looking back at
him looked odd. His eyes twinkled, his lips were curved in a smile and a warm
expression graced his features. Damn, he looked happy!
Turning around, Jonne returned to the bed and sat down
on the side. When they had arrived at the cabin, he had wanted the beds separated
and now he knew why. Not because he had felt uncomfortable sleeping in the same
bed with Juha, but because he liked sleeping in the same bed too much. He
wondered if he had displayed the same kind of behavior on the first night as
well. When he had woken that morning, Juha had already left the bed.
Jonne sighed and eventually raised the comforter again.
He turned onto his side and stared at the back of Juha’s head for a long time.
His fingers itched to touch the red hair that looked so soft and inviting, but
he didn’t – not wanting to take advantage of the state Juha was in.
It took Jonne some time to go back to sleep, but
eventually he did, carefully keeping his distance.
~~~
It had happened again. When Jonne woke that morning,
he was once more spooned behind Juha. He hadn’t just draped an arm across
Juha’s thigh, but his leg as well. It seemed like he had tried to pull Juha as
close as possible during the night. He hoped that Juha was still asleep because
he wouldn’t know how to explain his actions should the redhead question him
about it. Carefully Jonne untangled himself from the older man, hoping he
wouldn’t wake him in the process.
“You can stay that way. I don’t mind.” Juha had been
awake for some time now and had enjoyed the close contact. Upon feeling Jonne
move away from him, he hadn’t been able to stay quiet.
“I’m sorry,” Jonne apologized. “Usually I only do that
when Ville is close. I must have thought you’re him.” He moved away from Juha
until they were no longer in physical contact. Juha had probably said that
because he didn’t want him to feel embarrassed.
Juha turned onto his other side and looked at Jonne.
“I mean it. I was comfortable that way.”
“But I don’t feel comfortable imposing on you. I was all
over you! You could hardly move!”
“I had no intention of moving. I liked the close
contact.” Juha smiled warmly and raised his arm. Slowly, as he wasn’t sure
Jonne would allow it, he slid his fingers through the blond hair and caressed
it. It had been so long since he had slept close to someone else. Kristiina had
died two years ago and he hadn’t taken any lovers after her. He missed the
close contact.
“Maybe we should push the beds apart before we turn in
tonight,” Jonne said. Juha’s touch surprised him, but he didn’t move away from
it. The whole situation seemed surreal to him.
“Jonne, I’m okay with it. It’s nice to have someone
close at night.” Juha nodded and bestowed a caress onto Jonne’s face. Sleeping
in the same bed was intimate and seemed to lower his inhibitions.
“Are you sure?” Jonne eyed Juha suspiciously.
“I’m sure.” Juha smiled reassuringly. “So what do you
want to do? Get up, have breakfast or stay in bed?”
“I can’t sleep anymore. I’m too awake for that. I
guess we’d better have breakfast.”
“And after that, we’ll head for Oulu.” Juha nodded
enthusiastically. “The visit to my parents’ house won’t take long and I’m not
sure they’re at home. I’ve got the key though so don’t worry. We’ll just get
the things I need and then we’re off exploring the town.” Jonne probably wasn’t
interested in meeting his parents or having to spend time with them so he would
limit their visit to a minimum.
Jonne relaxed and actually enjoyed the sensation of
Juha’s warm fingers moving against his facial skin. “I don’t mind.” If Juha’s
parents were as nice as the redhead himself, he didn’t mind the visit.
~~~
One hour later, they were on their way to Juha’s
parents. Juha was having a hard time driving because of the snow that had
fallen last night, but their situation improved once they hit a main road. Juha
had tuned into the eighties station again and Jonne was looking out of the
window, enjoying looking at the scenery passing them by. Recalling something
Ville had said, Jonne turned his head and looked at Juha. “You’ve got a new
album out, right?”
“Yes, we have!” Juha smiled at the blond.
“Do you have it here? I’d love to hear some.” He had
liked what he had heard during the concert and wanted to hear more.
Juha pointed at the CD case next to Jonne. “It should
be in there.”
Jonne opened it and searched for it. He found it and
slid it into the car’s CD player. “Are you planning more gigs?”
Juha shrugged. “We would love to play more gigs, but
it’s hard to get some. We’re not as big as your band.” He winked at Jonne, who
promptly blushed. “And we all have jobs. It’s hard to balance the band and
work.”
“I’m grateful that I can live of my music. Tommi has a
lot to do with that. He takes care of the financial stuff for me.” He was
thankful that his older brother looked out for him. There were enough managers
about who just wanted to make as much profit as they could and often the band
didn’t make any money themselves.
Juha turned right. It would take them thirty minutes
to his parents’ home. “Our record company fucked us over so we dumped them.” He
shrugged. “Mikko takes care of things now.”
“Maybe I could ask Tommi to listen to your music and
find out if he’s interested in managing you?” Jonne offered.
“I should ask Mikko about that first.” Juha was
grateful for the offer though. “It’s a hard business these days. All record
companies look at are sales… Not if the music is any good.”
“I know all about that.” Jonne concentrated on the
music again and liked what he heard. Once he was back in Tampere he would talk
to his brother about Reflexion.
~~~
Juha parked the car, opened the door and got out,
savoring the fact that he was finally able to stretch his legs. “Do you want to
stay in the car or are you coming along?” He didn’t want Jonne to feel forced
to meet his parents – if they were in.
“I’ll tag along.” Jonne surprised himself by saying
that. Normally he wasn’t fond of meeting new people. He followed Juha to the
entrance of the house and watched the redhead ring the doorbell. Hadn’t Juha
told him that he had a key?
“No reason to spring this on them!” Juha said.
A minute later the door opened and an elderly woman
stepped towards them. Jonne took in her appearance and could easily tell that
she was related to Juha. There was quite a resemblance.
“Juha!” She opened her arms and embraced her son.
“What a nice surprise! You could have called though!”
“I didn’t know I was going to drop by until yesterday
and by then it was already too late to call. I know you go to bed early.” Juha
hugged his mother back. “It’s good to be home again.”
Jonne felt envious as he watched mother and son hug.
He had never been close to his parents and had always missed having such a
close bond. He felt like an intruder and wished he had stayed in the car.
“You brought someone with you!” Juha’s mother had
noticed Jonne and gave him a welcoming smile. “I’m Emilia, Juha’s mother.” She
extended her hand in welcome.
Jonne swallowed hard, feeling odd as he took it. “I’m
Jonne.”
Emilia’s eyes glittered with mirth. At first she had
thought their guest had been female. Well, the pink parka had set her on the
wrong foot. “Come inside! It’s much too cold to stay out here!” She stepped
aside to let them enter.
Seeing Jonne’s unease, Juha took hold of the blond’s
hand and pulled him along. “Relax, she doesn’t bite.” He smiled innocently at
Jonne.
The remark brought a smile to Jonne’s face. “I didn’t
think she would.”
“Aalto! Juha’s here!” Emilia called out to her husband
in order to warn him. “Get out of your coats and I’ll get you something hot.
Coffee or tea?” she asked Jonne, knowing her son preferred tea like she did.
“I’m fine with both,” Jonne replied, not wanting to
bother her.
“I’ll make tea then! And I made pie yesterday! There’s
enough left of it for the four of us! Juha, take your friend into the living
room, will you?” Emilia headed for the kitchen instead.
“Your mother’s nice,” Jonne said, as he followed Juha
about. He hadn’t registered yet that the redhead was holding his hand again.
“My father’s nice too, so don’t worry!” Juha stepped
into the living room and pulled Jonne along.
Aalto, seated in his favorite chair next to the
window, was reading his newspaper. He had heard his wife call out, but had
reckoned Juha would come to him. There was no need to desert his favorite noon
activity. He placed the newspaper aside though when his son advanced on him and
rose from his chair. “Juha!”
Jonne smiled at seeing Aalto reach for his son and hug
him. That was also when he realized that Juha still had a tight hold on his
hand. He tried to move away, but Juha wouldn’t let go so Jonne surrendered to
his faith. He couldn’t help wonder though about the impression he made on
Juha’s father – Aalto probably thought that he didn’t want to meet them!
Aalto moved away from his son to study Juha’s face.
His son looked happy and that was a big difference from the last time Juha had
visited. Back then, Juha had been unhappy because he had still missed
Kristiina. “So who’s this?” Aalto noticed the way Juha’s fingers were curled
around the blond’s hand and drew his own conclusions upon seeing that.
“This is Jonne!” Juha pulled Jonne close to him.
“Jonne, this is my father, Aalto.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Jonne whispered in a nervous
voice. Although Emilia and Aalto seemed kind, he always felt uneasy around
strangers.
Aalto raised a questioning eyebrow, but Juha didn’t
seem to notice as there was no reaction on his son’s part. Juha seldom brought
someone home with him. The only other person he had ever introduced to them had
been Kristiina.
“Tea’s ready!” Emilia entered the living room and
placed the tray on the coffee table. She poured it into their cups and handed
Jonne his. “Milk? Sugar?”
Jonne sat down on the couch, next to Juha and said, “It’s
fine like that. Thank you.” Jonne wrapped his fingers around the cup and
watched Emilia and Aalto from over the rim.
Juha blew onto the surface of the tea and winked at
Jonne. “I’ll be right back. I just need to get some stuff!” Placing his cup on
the coffee table, he got to his feet and left the room. Had he looked at Jonne
one last time, he would have seen the rising panic on the younger man’s face.
What the hell was Juha thinking leaving him alone with
his parents? Jonne smiled shyly and wondered how much trouble he was in. He
wasn’t good at keeping conversations going, especially with people he didn’t
know.
“Do you want some apple pie? I made it myself.” Emilia
gave Jonne a hopeful look. Like her husband she knew how rare it was for her
son to bring someone home with him and she was curious about Jonne. It wasn’t a
shock that her son had brought home a boyfriend, as she knew Juha liked males
as well.
Jonne didn’t dare refuse – not with the look she was
giving him – and he was a bit hungry. “I’d love some.”
Emilia smiled and put a large piece on Jonne’s plate.
“I hope you like it.”
Jonne took a bite and smiled back. “It’s really good.”
“Thank you!” Emilia beamed with pride. “It’s really
nice to have you here. Juha seldom introduces us to someone he’s close with.
After he lost Kristiina he… He didn’t bring
anyone home after she died.”
Jonne frowned. That was the first time he heard that
name. “Kristiina?”
“It was a true tragedy,” Aalto said in-between taking
sips of his tea. “They were so much in love and we were hoping they had wedding
plans, but then… That accident was…” Aalto swallowed hard. He had loved
Kristiina like a daughter. “Maybe now you can understand why we are so happy to
see you.”
Jonne wasn’t quite sure what they were getting at. All
he had managed to grasp so far was that Juha had had a girlfriend called
Kristiina whom he had wanted to marry, but who had died in some accident. Until
that moment, he hadn’t really thought about Juha’s past. “I’m sorry about
that,” he said eventually, feeling a bit lost.
“We all do.” Emilia forced herself to let go of those
memories and to focus on the young man sitting in front of them. “Juha must be
quite fond of you to bring you along.”
Jonne wasn’t sure what to say to that. In the end, he
said, “Well, he wanted to get some things and since I didn’t want to stay alone
at the cabin…”
Emilia raised an eyebrow. So her son had taken Jonne
up to the cabin? Juha must really be fond of Jonne then. That cabin was Juha’s
retreat. He went there to unwind and center himself. “I’m glad that he brought
you along! It’s always nice to meet your son’s boyfriend. Juha always tends to
hide things!”
Jonne almost spat out the tea he had been drinking.
Juha’s boyfriend? Emilia and Aalto thought he was their son’s boyfriend? Oh, he
was in big trouble indeed. He was about to set them straight when Juha
returned, carrying his acoustic guitar, laptop and a rucksack.
“I’ve got my stuff! I’ll take it to the car and then
I’ll be back. Just a moment!”
Juha was so fast that Jonne didn’t get a chance to
call him back. “I should help him,” he said, intending to go after the redhead,
but Emilia placed a hand on his wrist and stopped him.
“He can manage! Stay a little longer! We’re curious!
So tell me, what do you do for a living?” Emilia exchanged a look with her
husband, telling Aalto she liked Jonne.
Aalto nodded to show he agreed. Jonne made a good
impression on him too.
“I’m a musician. I sing in a band.” Jonne’s gaze kept
returning to the doorway in the hope that Juha would keep his word and hurry
back.
“Just like Juha! No wonder you get along so well!”
Emilia smiled and nodded. “And what about your family?”
Jonne swallowed hard. He always feared getting ‘the
family question’. “I have two brothers. Tommi is older than me and Ville
younger.” He’d rather not discuss his parents.
Aalto and Emilia got the hint. “Juha has an older
brother too, Jarmo,” Emilia said.
“He told me,” Jonne said and nodded.
Emilia’s smile grew even broader. So Juha had already
talked Jonne about his family? That was a good sign!
“See, I’m back!” Juha dropped onto the couch next to
Jonne, sipped his tea and transferred some pie onto his plate. “Tastes as good
as always!”
“I’m glad you like it, but then again, it’s your
favorite.” Emilia moved closer to her husband and Aalto took her hand in his.
“Remember to visit us more often, Juha.”
“It’s a damn shame that Oulu and Helsinki are so far
apart or else I’d visit each week!” Juha regretted that the distance separated
them, but his job was located in Helsinki and he couldn’t afford to lose it.
“I’ll call more often!”
“Don’t forget that!” Emilia nodded and sighed contently.
It was good to know that Juha had found a new love!
~~~
Jonne waved at Juha’s parents as they headed for the
car. The whole visit had been quite the experience. Emilia and Aalto had
welcomed him with open arms and the amazing thing was that they had been under
the impression that he was Juha’s boyfriend. It was rare to meet such tolerant
older people and Jonne was happy for Juha. Jonne would have loved to have such
parents as well.
“Are you ready to tour Oulu?” Juha asked as he got
into the car. He had even remembered to get his camera. He was in the mood to
be silly and act like tourists.
Jonne sat down on the passenger’s seat and nodded.
“You have great parents.” Emilia and Aalto waved at them one last time and then
went into the house.
“Trust me, I know that.” Juha started the engine and
drove toward the city center. “I’m glad you got along with them.”
“They’re easy to get along with.” Questions burned
Jonne’s lips, but he realized that this was not the place or time to inquire
about Kristiina. He could address another matter though. He coughed in order to
clear his throat and said, “Your mother thinks that I’m your boyfriend.”
Juha’s eyes widened marginally. “I should have known!”
He chuckled. “It’s because I only introduce people to them when I’m sure
they’ll stick around.” Grinning, he looked at Jonne. “So, I’ve got myself a new
boyfriend. I got excellent taste!”
That was *not* the reaction Jonne had expected. Juha
actually seemed pleased! “You should correct them the next time you talk to
them.”
“Why should I? I like the thought of you being my
boyfriend.” He blew Jonne a kiss and the blond grew deeply flustered. It still
amazed him how shy Jonne actually was. “Or are you embarrassed that you have a
redhead for a boyfriend?”
“No!” Jonne cursed himself for reacting that fast.
“That’s not it. I just don’t think that it’s fair toward your parents.”
“Ah, they’ll get over it. “ Juha parked the car and
shut down the engine. “Look what I’ve brought!” He showed Jonne his digital
camera. “Let’s play tourist, shall we?”
Jonne couldn’t help himself – he smiled even though he
should be angry with Juha for not wanting to tell his parents the truth!
~~~
“Say cheese!”
Jonne grinned and hugged the statue of the fat
policeman on the city’s market square. Juha had somehow cajoled him into doing
the tourist thing and have his picture taken with it. Sticking out his tongue,
he pretended to lick the statue’s cheek.
“Bah! Don’t do that! You don’t know who has licked it
before!” Juha gave Jonne a wink and walked over to him to show him the result.
The picture was brilliant. “That one is going into the album!”
Jonne playfully swatted Juha’s head and studied the
picture. He had to admit that he looked happy in it. “Now it’s your turn!”
Juha tried to dismiss Jonne’s request. “I have way too
many pictures with that fat guy!”
“For me?” Jonne cocked his head, batted his eyelashes
and used his charms on the older man.
Cursing, Juha relented and took up position. “But only
this once!”
Jonne took Juha’s picture and then they walked away
from the market square. Juha continued to point out interesting details to
Jonne, who had no choice but to make more pictures. “Where are we going now?”
They had been exploring Oulu for two hours now and he could do with a drink.
“I know just the right place and it’s also close by!”
Juha took Jonne’s hand in his and only then realized what he was doing. Taking
Jonne’s hand was quickly becoming second nature. “Or do you mind?” he asked as
he raised their joined hands.
Jonne shook his head. “It’s okay.”
The smile the blond gave him told Juha that it was
actually more than okay. Jonne wanted the contact too.
“Where are we going?” Jonne asked as he fell into step
next to Juha.
“PSK Kaupunni. It’s a café and we can also eat something
there in case you’re hungry!”
“I’m not really hungry. Your mother’s apple pie was
quite filling.” Jonne had been eating a lot these last three days – more than
he would often eat in a whole week. But what did you do when you got served a
full breakfast in the morning and cookies during the day?
A few minutes later they arrived at the café and went
inside. Jonne was quite surprised at the large number of people inside,
considering the early hour of the day. It was only five o’clock! Jonne grinned when he realized the true name
of the place was Paska Kaupunni. The interior was
quite interesting. Most of the walls were painted red and the atmosphere was
hard to describe though it was pleasant.
“Juha!” Mikko waved at his friend. He hadn’t expected
to see Juha here. “Over here!”
Juha turned toward Jonne. “Do you mind joining him?”
“I don’t mind.” Jonne was okay with joining Mikko, but
he wasn’t sure about Juha and he still holding hands.
Mikko had noticed that detail too and shot Juha a
smile. “Enjoying yourself?”
Juha grinned in turn. “You have no idea!” He raised
Jonne’s hand and pressed a kiss onto the back. “Are you buying us drinks?”
Mikko raised an eyebrow at seeing Jonne growing
flustered. Apparently the blond hadn’t expected Juha to kiss his hand like that.
It was time Juha and he talked about what was happening, but not while the
blond was also there. “Sure, I’ll get us some!”
As Juha sat down, Jonne had no other choice but to sit
down as well. “Can I have my hand back?”
“Sometime today okay?” Juha had no intention of
letting go now that he had established a tight hold on it.
Juha’s forward reply should have irritated Jonne, but
it didn’t. Instead it made him smile. Juha was a rascal and he couldn’t be
angry with him for some reason. “Do you come here often?”
“Yes. I like the place and it’s a good meeting place.
Lots of my friends hang out here too.” Juha waved at a familiar face in the
back. “Let’s have a beer and then we’ll drive back to the cabin. My mother said
there was a storm coming later tonight and I want to be home before that one
hits.”
Home… Jonne blinked. It sounded odd, but it felt
right. The word fit. The cabin had become home in only three days.
Mikko returned with their drinks. He’d gotten beer for
himself and Jonne and placed a cup of tea in front of Juha who gave him a
offended glare. “You’re driving later, aren’t you?”
“You’re right.” Juha sighed. Tea it was then!
“What have you been up to? I would have expected you
to be at each other’s throats!” Mikko took a swig of his beer and watched them,
wondering what they would say to that. It didn’t come as a surprise that Juha
looked at Jonne to answer the question. Juha also wanted to know the answer.
Jonne shrugged. He felt uncomfortable now that they
were looking at him. Thankfully Juha was still holding his hand and the redhead
even squeezed gently in order to encourage him. “Juha has been showing me
around town. We’ve been playing tourist and made lots of pictures.”
Mikko nodded. It was good not to be cooped up in the
cabin all the time. Going places would prevent them from growing irritated in
such close proximity. “And how about the evenings? There’s not much to do up
there.”
“We worked on some song ideas last night,” Juha said.
“I picked up my guitar just now so we can play together.”
Mikko liked that idea. “A duet?”
Jonne sighed – first Juha and now Mikko. “Yes, a
duet.” He surrendered to his fate. Their project was obviously meant to be a
duet. Juha and Mikko started talking about music and Jonne grew quiet. He had a
lot to think about, ranging from cuddling up to Juha in his sleep to Juha
liking the idea of him being his boyfriend.
~~~
“Is it okay with you if I put the pizzas in the oven?
I’m not in the mood to cook.” Juha looked at Jonne questioningly.
“Pizza is fine with me.” Jonne had made himself
comfortable in the living room. He had curled up on the couch and had covered
himself with the fleece blanket. Looking out of the window, Jonne automatically
started to shiver. They’d had only been inside for fifteen minutes when the
blizzard had started. Wind banged against the window and carried with it thick
hale. Jonne was really happy to be inside.
Juha sat down on the other end of the couch. No need
to make himself comfortable yet as he had to get their dinner out of the oven
in twenty minutes. “The weather changes quickly up here,” he said, following
the direction of Jonne’s gaze. “But usually storms like this don’t last long.”
Grateful for the distraction, Jonne focused on Juha.
“How long is long?”
“It varies from one day to a week.” Jonne’s eyes
widened, but Juha wasn’t concerned. “If we get stuck, we’ll just have to stay a
few days longer.”
“But…” Jonne swallowed hard. “Does that mean we can’t
get away?”
“Not until the storm has passed,” Juha confirmed.
“What? Don’t you enjoy my company anymore? We have everything we need! Food for
the next few days, coffee, tea, wine and vodka! We even have our guitars! We
won’t get bored.” Juha grinned wickedly. “And if we do get bored we can go to
bed and sleep. You can serve as my pillow.”
Jonne burst out laughing. Juha had once more dispersed
his worries. “You would like that!”
Juha nodded repeatedly. “You’d make a great pillow.”
They were flirting! Jonne hadn’t realized that until
then and he swallowed hard. Where would this end? They had four more days up
here, maybe even more if the storm continued to last.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Juha wondered about the
thoughtful expression in those blue eyes.
“It’s nothing.”
Juha wanted details, but the oven beeped, alerting him
that their pizzas were ready. When Jonne wanted to get up, Juha said, “I’ll
bring the food in here. Just stay where you are.”
Jonne settled down again and watched Juha get up and
go into the kitchen. Had he ever stood a chance fighting this? Ville and Nakki
had realized what was going on from the start. Juha and he were attracted to
each other, no question about that. Jonne had to be honest with himself and had
to admit that he *was* fallen in love with the redhead.
TBC
Part 7
With his favorite fleece blanket wrapped around him,
Jonne stood in front of the window and looked outside. The storm was still
growing in intensity and Jonne hoped it wouldn’t damage the cabin in some way.
He didn’t feel quite safe at the moment.
Unexpectedly arms wrapped themselves around his waist
and then Juha’s body pressed against his. Jonne’s first reaction was to pull
away, but the embrace made him feel safe and he *had* started to trust the
redhead. He didn’t move away and allowed the contact.
Juha was thrilled that Jonne allowed the embrace. He
made sure he kept it loose though. He didn’t want Jonne to feel cornered.
“Don’t worry. We’re safe here. This cabin has seen worse.” It felt right to
hold Jonne in his arms and he sighed blissfully. The last thing he had expected
to happen was for him to fall in love, but he was headed in that direction.
After Kristiina had died, he hadn’t thought it possible to fall in love again,
but the attraction he felt toward Jonne kept growing. In a way he welcomed it,
but it also scared him.
Jonne relaxed in the embrace and actually leaned back
against Juha. “I’m not used to such storms. We get snow in Tampere of course,
but that’s nothing compared to what’s happening out there!”
Juha tightened the embrace a little and felt
encouraged when Jonne allowed it once more. “Want to work on our song ideas
this evening? Or do you want to stare out of the window?”
“We’ll work on them, but… It looks frightening in a
way, what’s going on outside.”
“It’s a good thing then that we don’t have to go
outside.” Juha almost pressed a kiss onto the blond hair. He could stop himself
just in time. Why was it so easy to touch Jonne? And why was the blond allowing
it? Was the same thing happening to Jonne as well? Could he be so lucky?
“Let’s start working on them then. It might be easier
now that we have two guitars.” Jonne turned around in the embrace and swallowed
hard as he looked right into Juha’s green eyes. Juha was taller and he had to
look up to make eye contact. For one moment he thought Juha was going to kiss
him, but then the redhead stepped away and broke the embrace. Pity. He wouldn’t
have mind if the embrace had lasted longer…or if Juha had kissed him. That last
thought took him by surprise and he quickly walked over to the couch to pick up
Juha’s acoustic guitar.
~~~
Instead of opting for last night’s wine, Jonne drank
hot chocolate and this time it wasn’t spiked with any alcohol. He wanted to
keep a clear head. He would feel utterly embarrassed if he ended up being an
octopus in bed again.
The song ideas they worked on were interesting and
challenging. It was definitely different from working alone or with Lauri. Juha
had much more ideas and improvised more easily. It was like working on an equal
level and he had never experienced that before. They worked until his
fingertips felt sore and eventually Jonne put the guitar away. “Enough for
today, okay?”
Juha agreed. “Sure. Tomorrow is another day. No need
to get everything done today!” A quick look at the clock told him that it was
already past midnight. “Time really flies,” he whispered absentmindedly.
Jonne nodded. It was hard to believe that it was
already the third day that they were up here. Only four more to go. “What do
you want to do tomorrow?” He grabbed the fleece blanket and tucked it around him.
“I know you. You already have some idea, don’t you?”
Juha tried to look guilty, but failed to pull it off.
“Maybe we can go ice skating? And build a fat snowman? It’s been ages since I
did that.”
Jonne shivered. “In that blizzard?”
“If the weather has improved of course. If not, we’ll
find something to keep us busy inside. We could try the sauna!”
Jonne paled. The sauna. He liked going to the sauna
like most Finns, but there was one problem – that fact that you went inside
naked. There was no way that he was going to take his clothes off and go into
the sauna with an equally naked Juha. No fucking way. He felt way too insecure
for that. He might act cocky on stage, but that didn’t mean he had no
insecurities in real life.
“Don’t like you going to the sauna?” Jonne’s reaction
puzzled the redhead.
Jonne realized he needed to think before answering
that question: he needed to give Juha a valid reason why he couldn’t join him
at the sauna. Jonne surprised himself by coming up with a quick answer. “It’s
because of my asthma. I always get short of breath and then my system breaks
down.” Recalling he had once fainted after staying inside for too long, he
continued, just to make sure Juha wouldn’t ask him to join him, “You don’t want
to have to catch because I faint.”
Juha wasn’t sure if Jonne was telling him the whole
truth because the blond refused to meet his gaze. It was obvious though that
the younger man didn’t want to go into the sauna. He just wasn’t sure if Jonne’s
explanation was the real reason or a lie.
~~~
Jonne felt awkward when he stood next to the bed. Juha
had already crawled beneath the comforter and was now giving him expectant
looks. “Shouldn’t we push the beds apart?”
“What are you afraid of?” Juha asked, opting for a
direct approach. He raised the comforter and hoped Jonne would accept the
invitation.
“I’m not afraid,” Jonne said decisively. “It’s just…
I’m not used to sleeping so close to someone who’s not… Ville.”
“I understand that. I promise to behave. Wouldn’t it
be nice to snuggle though?”
Juha had made a valid point. The storm had reached its
peak, and since the bedroom was right under the roof, the wind howled
menacingly. Studying Juha’s expression, Jonne decided to trust the redhead and
slipped beneath the comforter to move into the older man’s arms. “You make a
good pillow too,” Jonne whispered, surprised at how much he enjoyed the
redhead’s closeness. Jonne snuggled up to Juha and rested his head against a
shoulder. “Is this okay? I don’t want to impose or immobilize you.”
“It’s more than okay.” Juha got comfortable too and
they ended up snuggled in each other’s arms. “Do you still want to push the
beds apart?”
Jonne rubbed his face against the fabric of Juha’s
T-shirt as he shook his head. “No, I like it this way.” Even though the
situation was intimate and should make him feel intimidated, he felt safe and
comfortable instead. The only other person he felt that safe with was Ville.
Not even Tommi managed to make him feel at ease like that.
A particularly strong gust of wind made Jonne flinch
and Juha responded by wrapping his arms tighter around the blond. “You’re perfectly
safe. Nothing can happen.”
“I know that,” Jonne said, slightly irritated. “I’m
not a baby who needs to be reassured constantly.”
“But you’re as cute as one,” Juha said wickedly.
Again, Jonne should have felt angry with the redhead,
but all the remark did was made him chuckle. “You think I’m cute?” Juha nodded
and gave him an adoring look, which would have made Jonne blush if he hadn’t been
so relaxed. “You’re cute too,” he returned the compliment. What the hell were
they doing – complimenting each other, holding each other tight, staring into
those green eyes and… Jonne sighed. He was drowning in those eyes and then Juha
had the audacity to close them! When the older man opened them again, Jonne was
happy once more. The storm raging on the outside no longer registered with him.
He only had eyes for Juha.
And Juha only had eyes for Jonne.
~~~
Jonne woke first the next morning. Juha was still
sound asleep and sometime during the night Jonne’s arms had wrapped tightly
around the redhead’s frame while Juha’s hands had ended up in Jonne’s hair.
Jonne studied the older man for a long moment and realized something profound
had changed in his life when Juha had entered it. His life would never be the
same again. Juha had ensured that.
Gently, his fingers moved over the naked skin where
Juha’s shirt had ridden up. Juha’s skin was warm and soft and the ease with
which he touched Juha amazed Jonne.
Slowly, he untangled himself from Juha and covered him
with the comforter. He was determined to make breakfast for a change. The last
two days Juha had done that for him. Jonne slipped into his morning robe and
went downstairs. He made coffee, got out bread and cereals and squeezed oranges
so they would have fresh juice. Checking the table for its content, he hoped he
hadn’t forgotten anything.
Jonne pushed the curtain aside and checked the
weather. The storm had come to a rest. The gale was gone and a whole new load
of snow had fallen in its wake. Even the sun had come out and her rays made the
snow glitter.
Jonne climbed the stairs and sat down on the side of
the bed. Juha had turned onto his other side after he had left and Jonne
indulged himself for a moment, letting his gaze glide across the redhead’s
features.
Juha seemed to feel Jonne’s gaze upon him and opened
his eyes. “Morning,” he whispered sleepily. “What are you doing up already?” He
raised his arms, stretched and yawned.
“I made breakfast.” A warm sensation had settled in
the pit of Jonne’s stomach as he watched Juha. There was no denying – he was
developing feelings for the redhead.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Juha said as he sat up
in bed. “But it’s very sweet of you to do that.”
Ah, they were back to using words like cute and sweet.
Jonne smiled warmly and sighed. Had he ever felt such butterflies in his
stomach before? He felt like he was afloat on some cloud, high up in the sky.
“Are you still tired? You can get more sleep if you
want to.” Juha wasn’t sure how to interpret the look in Jonne’s eyes.
“No, I’m awake… Very much awake actually.” He felt
like he had been asleep for a very long time and it had taken Juha’s presence
in his life to wake him up. He curled his fingers around Juha’s. “I made
coffee… Want to have breakfast with me?”
“Sure!” Juha frowned, as he was still unable to figure
out what was going on. It was the first time that Jonne was actually initiating
contact. Normally it was he who reached out to the blond. Juha pushed back the
comforter and got to his feet.
Jonne couldn’t stop his gaze from travelling lower and
since the T-shirt Juha wore was on the short side, he got a good look at the
tight black briefs Juha wore. They were simple and unadorned, but fit
perfectly, showing off more than they should. Jonne grew flustered and quickly
looked away.
Juha however had caught Jonne’s look and grinned. He
hoped the blond liked what he had seen!
~~~
Jonne wasn’t really enthusiastic about going outside,
but he braved the cold for Juha. “There’s even more snow than yesterday!” he
said as he stepped outside. A good fifteen centimeters had fallen during the
night. “Let’s make a snowman!” Jonne was finally getting into the spirit, even
in spite of the cold. Jonne looked at Juha from over his shoulder. “And don’t
you dare throw a snowball at me!”
“You were the one who threw that snowball at me from
behind! You’re the sneaky one!”
“I’m not,” Jonne said and smiled sweetly. “So are you
going to help me?”
Juha showed his commitment by starting to roll the
snow together so it could become the snowman’s head. “Get started then!”
Jonne didn’t need more encouragement and did just
that. It took them about ten minutes to put the large snowballs atop of each
other. They finished off the face with tiny stones, and other things they
found.
“Wait! I’ll get out the camera!” Juha dashed back
inside and returned a few minutes later. “Get close to it!”
“It’s cold! And I’m not kissing or licking it!” Jonne
said firmly.
“You can kiss or lick me instead,” Juha quipped,
making Jonne blush fiercely.
Jonne cursed himself. He should have known that Juha
would make a remark like that. He knew him well enough by now. “You’d love
that!”
Juha nodded. “Yes, I really would.”
Damn it, Jonne bit on his bottom lip. His statement
had only made things worse! He rubbed his fingers. The snow was seeping through
the fabric of his mittens, turning his fingers into popsicles. “Can we go
inside for a while?”
“Sure. I want to drink something hot! And once we’re
warm again, we can go to the lake and skate!”
Jonne sighed. Juha’s boundless energy was getting to
him. The redhead always wanted to do something. What had happened to lounging
on the couch?
Juha actually looked guilty by the time they had
entered the cabin again and were peeling themselves out of their coats. “I’m a
bit…too energetic?”
Jonne shook his head. “That’s not it.” He put his
parka away and followed Juha into the kitchen. “I’m just not used to having
someone about who wants to do so many things. The people I hang out with… They
think raising their beer glass is enough exercise for the day!”
Juha chuckled. “Then they miss out on a lot.” Making
tea, he added, “I can’t help it. I grew up around here. I was always outside,
running about, playing, doing stuff.”
Jonne swallowed hard. Did he trust Juha enough to tell
him about his childhood? “I grew up at a children’s home… Ville and I did. I got
into a lot of trouble… Stealing, drinking… Doing stuff just to get our older
brother’s attention, but it was the wrong kind of attention of course. I didn’t
win Tommi’s love with it… I was a real nuisance at the time.”
Touched that Jonne would tell him that, Juha placed a
mug filled with tea in front of the blond and straddled the chair next to the
younger man. “You didn’t know better. Don’t be too hard on yourself. How old
were you?”
“Fourteen… I got out at eighteen. Once I got my own
place Ville moved in with me. He lived me with until…recently. He wanted his
own place and moved out.”
“That must have been hard on you. If you share that
much together…if you’ve always went through stuff together…” Juha knew he
didn’t have to finish his sentence for Jonne to understand what he was saying.
Jonne nodded, but didn’t look at Juha. He stared at
the surface of the tea instead. He had wrapped his fingers around the mug and
it helped warm them. “Ville wants to move back in again though.”
“It can get lonely on your own.” Juha knew everything
about that.
Jonne moistened his lips and gave Juha a thoughtful
look. “Can I ask you something personal? You don’t need to answer.”
Juha nodded. “What do you want to know?”
“When we visited your parents… Your mother mentioned a
name and…I’m curious, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings…”
Juha drew in a deep breath. “She told you about
Kristiina.”
Jonne nodded. “You don’t have to talk about her if it
hurts too much.” He could tell Juha was still hurting – he saw it in the eyes.
Juha shrugged and frowned. “I doubt the pain will ever
go away completely, but talking about her helps. I’ve learned that. I talked to
Mikko for so long…and I still do.”
Jonne sipped and waited for Juha to continue. He
wasn’t going to pressure the redhead.
“Kristiina and I met at a festival. It was love at
first sight. I still lived at Oulu at the time and later, she moved to Helsinki
with me. We shared an apartment and were in love, even four years after we met.
We were even making wedding plans.”
Jonne nodded. “Your parents mentioned that.”
Juha didn’t look at Jonne. He knew that if he did, he
wouldn’t be able to continue. “It happened during winter… In January to be
exact, the thirteenth. She was driving from Helsinki to Oulu to visit her
parents when…” Juha stopped, closed his eyes and centered himself. “A car hit
her from behind. She got off of the road and… She was badly injured… They took
her to the hospital, but…”
Jonne curled his fingers around Juha’s right hand and
held on tight. He wanted to show Juha that he was there for him.
“She was bleeding internally and they couldn’t stop
it. She died on the operating table.” Juha finally raised his head and met
Jonne’s gaze. “That was two years ago. I never liked driving in particular, but
now I always try to drive during the daylight. It was only four o’clock when
that bastard caused that collision, but it was dark already.”
“I understand.” Jonne hadn’t expected Juha’s story to
be so traumatic. “I’m sorry it happened.”
“I’m sorry too…but I had to accept what happened and
to let go. I’m still working on that though. It’s hard. I loved her so much. I
still miss her.” Juha’s eyes had filled with tears and he wiped them away. “The
apartment is so empty without her and… I miss… the contact… I miss being able
to hold someone and…”
Jonne shifted his chair closer to the redhead and
folded his arms around him. Juha rested his upper body against him and cried
against his shoulder.
“It felt so good…to wake up with you close…” Juha
admitted in a broken voice. “I missed that… It’s been two years and…”
Jonne shushed Juha gently. “Hey, it’s okay…” He
settled for rubbing Juha’s back and holding him tight instead of comforting him
with words. What Juha needed was touch – not words. He rocked Juha and hummed
softly, always keeping up the hopefully soothing strokes across Juha’s back.
It took Juha a few minutes to calm down again. The
tears stopped and he closed his eyes, grateful that Jonne had taken him into
his arms. “Thank you for…” he whispered, unable to finish his sentence as
emotions overwhelmed him again.
“No, thank you for telling me and letting me hold
you.” Jonne knew how hard it was to trust someone like that. It took a lot of
guts to open up to a practical stranger, no matter how great they were getting
along. “I’m sorry I asked you that. It brought everything back.”
Juha raised his head and looked Jonne in the eye. “No,
it’s good that you asked. I need to talk about it… It helps me deal with it. I
can’t keep it all inside. It just took me by surprise. I didn’t know that they
had talked to you about her.”
Jonne continued to rub Juha’s back, even though the
tears had stopped. It felt much too good to have Juha in his arms. “They seemed
relieved that you had a boyfriend now.”
Juha nodded. “It’s understandable, I guess. They want
me to be happy and I’m not a person who likes being alone. I like being in a
relationship, but it’s hard to find the right person.” Their faces were only
centimeters apart and it would have been easy to kiss Jonne at that point, but
Juha decided against it. He didn’t want Jonne to allow the kiss because the
blond felt sorry for him. “That you’re holding me and listened means a lot to
me.” He reluctantly pulled away from Jonne’s embrace as he needed a moment to
compose himself.
“How could I do anything less?” Jonne was relieved to
see that familiar wicked gleam return to the green eyes. He hadn’t liked seeing
Juha so devastated. “You… You’re quickly becoming a good friend… Someone I care
about…”
Juha smiled when Jonne turned shy again. “I care about
you too. I like you…a lot.” It was a start – a good start. He knew better than
to rush into a new relationship just yet. They had to take small steps. Both of
them carried scars and those needed to heal. Pulling Jonne into his arms again,
he hugged the blond. “So do you want to go skating?”
Jonne nodded. “I’ll probably end up terribly
embarrassing myself, but I’ll try -- for
you.”
~~~
Jonne kept a close eye on Juha. The redhead seemed to
have recovered from the emotional outburst earlier, but Jonne remained worried.
“Let me do that.” Juha squatted in front of Jonne and
tied the laces of the skates. Jonne seemed absentminded and Juha wondered what
was on the blond’s mind. “I don’t want you to fall on your pretty ass.”
As usual, Juha’s witty remark pulled Jonne from his
musings. Unlike before, when he had grown flustered, he now grinned at the
older man. “So my ass is pretty too. Did you check it out?” Apparently Juha
hadn’t counted on a cheeky reply as he stared at Jonne in surprise. “Close your
mouth… Your jaw is about to hit the earth.” Jonne grinned and tried getting to
his feet. “Alright, let’s see if I’m still any good at this!”
Juha stayed close to Jonne when they ventured out on
the ice. The sun was warm and made the ice shimmer. He should have brought his
sun glasses with him.
“I’m so glad that we’re alone out here,” Jonne said as
he concentrated on placing one foot in front of the other without falling.
“This is so embarrassing.”
“Why? You’re doing well!” Juha had barely spoken those
words when Jonne stumbled and landed on his ass.
“Damn it!” Jonne’s features contorted. That hurt!
“Let me help you up.” Feeling more secure on the ice,
Juha extended his hands and offered to pull Jonne to his feet again. “Why don’t
you hold on to me instead?”
“I should be able to stay on my feet without your
help!” Jonne placed his hands in Juha’s and tried to get to his feet.
Unfortunately he lost his footing again and landed once more on his bottom. He
hadn’t thought about Juha though, who was being pulled along. The redhead lost
his balance and landed atop of him. Jonne whimpered when the older man’s body
impacted with his. Juha ended up straddling Jonne and his face was only a few
centimeters away. “If this is your idea of fun –“ Jonne started, wanting to
scold Juha when he felt soft lips pressed against his.
Juha hadn’t intended to kiss Jonne that moment, but
the blond had been close and before he knew what he was doing, he was kissing
Jonne. His heart missed several beats, as he froze in uncertainty. Had he just
made a terrible mistake?
Jonne felt stunned. He hadn’t expected Juha to do that!
The lips pressing against his felt warm, and when the shock and fear in Juha’s
eyes registered with Jonne, he knew what he had to do. He cupped Juha’s face in
the palm of his hand and deepened the kiss. It didn’t last long, as they both
needed to catch their breath after that fall, but it told them enough. It
showed that the attraction was mutual.
Juha stared at Jonne for a moment and then lowered his
eyes. “I hope I didn’t…”
As he was still cupping Juha’s face, Jonne easily
raised it and looked into the green eyes. “I wanted it too. Don’t worry about
it.” A smile followed his words, hoping to reassure the redhead. “We should
have known that something like this would happen.”
Juha nodded. “I guess you’re right.” He got to his
feet again and pulled Jonne with him. Once the blond had his footing back, Juha
wrapped an arm around the younger man’s waist. “I don’t really know…” Where did
they stand? What did that kiss mean?
“We have time,” Jonne said and pressed a finger
against Juha’s lips in order to silence him. “Let’s not worry about it. The
kiss was good and it was time it happened. We’ve been fooling ourselves from
the start.”
Juha swallowed hard. “I like you… I like you a lot and
I feel so…happy inside…when I’m with you.” It was hard to explain. Everything
was so unexpected and new.
“I feel the same way when you’re around. Let’s give
ourselves time. We don’t need to rush anything.”
“You’re right…” Juha smiled relieved. “Want me to give
you a hand so you can stay on your feet?”
“I won’t fall again! You can let go! I’m getting the
hang of it!” Jonne grinned, knowing damn well that all he was doing was
standing on the ice while holding on tightly to Juha. The moment he let go he
would probably end up on his ass again!
Juha suspected as much and kept his arm in place. “What
if I don’t want to let go?”
Jonne smiled warmly at the redhead. “Then don’t and
hold onto me.”
Nodding, Juha said, “I think I’ll do just that. Hold
you and never let you go.”
~~~
They walked home in a comfortable silence. Neither of
them felt the need to speak. That kiss had said it all.
Once they were inside, they got out of their coats and
boots and went into the living room where Juha added new wood to the fire
place. The room quickly warmed and while Jonne settled down on the couch, Juha
went into the kitchen to make hot chocolate. This time he added a generous
amount of vodka and carried the mugs over to the couch where he handed Jonne
his. Sitting down next to the blond he wasn’t surprised when Jonne moved closer
until he could rest his head against his shoulder. Juha raised an arm, folded
it around Jonne’s shoulders and pulled him closer.
The only sound that could be heard came from the fire
place, where the fire devoured the wood.
“Jonne?” Juha had finished his hot chocolate and the
vodka made him feel bolder than he normally would. “I didn’t plan any of this.
When I invited you along I had no idea this would happen.”
“I know that,” Jonne replied and rubbed his cheek against
Juha’s shoulder. “It just happened.” Raising his head he made eye contact. “I’m
happy that the feeling is mutual. It sucks when you’re in love and the other
person doesn’t return your feelings.”
Juha nodded. “I’m falling in love with you,” he
whispered. He felt insecure – his feelings confused him.
“Same thing is happening with me.” Jonne cuddled close
to Juha and rested his head against the older man’s chest. “You know what?”
“What?”
“I’m actually looking forward to going to bed tonight
because then I can cuddle up to you and I won’t have to worry about imposing on
you.” Juha chuckled and a strand of his red hair dropped forward and tickled
Jonne’s face. Raising a hand, Jonne fingered the strand and sighed blissfully.
“No more talk about pushing the beds apart.”
“I couldn’t agree more!” Juha enfolded Jonne in a hug
and held him close.
They remained like that for the next hour until they
both started to yawn and decided to turn in for the night. Juha reached for
Jonne’s hand and they climbed the stairs. They had to let go though to undress
and eyed each other curiously, wondering if they should keep their T-shirts on
or not. After all, something had changed between them. In the end, both kept
their shirts on, still feeling this was too new to rush things. They snuggled
up to each other under the comforter and Jonne wrapped arms and legs around
Juha. He rested his head on Juha’s chest and the soft rise and fall of the
redhead’s chest made him fall asleep quickly. Juha stroked the blond hair for a
few more minutes, but the day’s events had tired him as well and he quickly
followed Jonne into sleep.
TBC
Part 8
Juha drank his orange juice and kept stealing glances
at Jonne. The blond looked relaxed this morning and was smiling all the time.
“Thanks for doing this,” Juha said and pointed at the set table. It was nice
that someone cared so much about him to do this for him. It made him want to do
something nice for Jonne in turn and maybe he had an idea. “Do you already know
what you want to do today?”
“I knew that question was coming!” Jonne had hoped to
spend the day being lazy on the couch, but realized he could forget about that
now. “You probably have some ideas, don’t you?”
“I might know something, but I want it to be a
surprise.”
“A surprise?” Jonne wasn’t sure how he felt about
that. In general he didn’t like surprises, but this was Juha and his instincts
told him that the redhead would make sure it was a pleasant surprise. “Alright
then. Surprise me.”
“Then we need to get going. It’s an hour’s drive and I
need to pack some things.”
Jonne’s curiosity increased. “We need to pack?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll do that. Just be ready in
twenty minutes.” Juha was growing excited, hoping Jonne would like his
surprise. The blond didn’t like the cold, hopefully Jonne loved it warm!
~~~
Jonne looked out of the window. They had left the
cabin about an hour ago and he knew they were getting closer to their final
destination. After all, Juha had said it would take them an hour to get there.
“Where are we going?” he asked for the umpteenth time. And he got the exact
same answer as before.
“I’m not telling you. You’ll find out when we get
there, which is about…now.” Juha turned right and a large building appeared at
the end of the road. It was painted in blues and white and a gigantic glass
dome made it look rather appealing.