Title: The Eve before Yule

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Paring; Elrond/Erestor.

Overall rating: PG 13, I think…
Summary: On the night before Yule Erestor receives some mysterious visitors.

Disclaimer: Not mine, Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU of course!

Author’s Note: Completely AU.

Not beta read because Christmas is almost over and I want to get this out before I have to wait for another year!

All mistakes are mine

The Eve before Yule

Glorfindel had watched him walk the halls for decades now and Erestor always remained the same – dutiful, driven, reliable and oh so desirable. And yet, in all those years in which he had known the Chief Advisor, he had never seen Erestor take a mate. For a long time, that fact had puzzled him, until one day, when Lindir had made a remark about Erestor’s gaze transfixed upon Elrond, he had seen behind the facade. It was then when Glorfindel had realized the truth; Erestor was hopelessly in love with the half-Elf.

He had even risked addressing the matter and giving Erestor some unasked advice. He had told Erestor to confide in Elrond and tell him about his feelings, but the Chief Advisor had looked horrified and had released bitter laughter.

“Why would he want me, Glorfindel,” had Erestor said. “Why would he want me when he had a High-King and the most beautiful she-Elf on Arda? Why settle for someone like me?”

Hearing that had pained Glorfindel and he had tried convincing Erestor that he was desirable, beautiful even, but the Chief Advisor had only given him a look filled with disbelief.

Another year had passed by and Erestor still walked the halls alone, stealing glances at Elrond whenever he thought no one was looking. It was the evening before the longest day and tomorrow would be filled with celebrations, but Erestor’s eyes wouldn’t light up, Glorfindel already knew that. He would give everything to see his friend happy.

***

Erestor sat in front of the mirror and brushed his long, raven hair. It was another lonely evening, and tomorrow, would be another lonely day. A day during which the one he loved would be close and at the same time so far away. Elrond was out of his reach, he had always known that. The half-Elf had had a High-King for a mate, and later, the daughter of the Lord and the Lady of the Golden Wood. He didn’t compare to them, and he was painfully aware of that. Glorfindel had tried to change the way he thought about himself, but the blond had been bound to fail. His eyes were almond-shaped, whilst the eyes of ‘normal’ Elves were perfect. His hair was raven and not the warm brown most of the Imladris’ Elves had. He possessed the body of a scholar, not a warrior, and although he wasn’t too thin, he did lack muscle tone.

Sighing, he placed the brush back onto the dresser. Gathering his blue nightshirt close, he rose, and walked onto the balcony. Sleep wouldn’t come for him tonight and he longed to gaze upon the star-clad sky Elrond loved so much.

He settled down on the balustrade, pulling up his knees and tucking his legs beneath him. Sitting cross-legged, he easily maintained his balanced and lost himself, staring at the stars. Erestor never noticed slowly drifting off into sleep.

***

“Erestor? Erestor? Wake up, brother mine. We must talk!”

The voice was incredibly familiar, but he couldn’t be hearing it. His brother had died millennia ago. Erestor returned to awareness, fleeing the dream, which was luring him into a sense of happiness by pretending his brother was still here, still alive.

“Erestor!”

Erestor startled, lost his balance, and tumbled to the right, landing hard on the stone floor. He was lucky that he hadn’t tumbled forward or he would have made a much harder landing on the pavement beneath his balcony.

“Erestor! You always were clumsy!”

A pair of strong hands pulled him to his feet and Erestor stared at the apparition in front of him. “Nay, I am still dreaming!” He pushed away from the form, but stumbled and ended up with his back toward the balcony. He was thoroughly trapped.

“Erestor, little brother. Don’t tell me you no longer love me! Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“It cannot be you.” Erestor shivered and pulled the fabric of his shirt even closer. Shivers traveled down his spine and he wrapped his arms tightly around his waist. Oh, he wanted to believe that his older brother had returned to him, but he couldn’t delude himself. “You are dead. You cannot be here!”

”I am here, brother.”

Erestor sucked in his breath when the form approached. He had felt his touch only a moment before, but was still shocked, feeling strong arms wrap themselves around his shoulders. “This is impossible!”

Ecthelion smiled at his younger brother, who finally made eye contact. “Námo made it possible… Just for this once… Just for this moment.”

“Why?” Erestor pressed close and wept hot tears, feeling a warm body against his. “You died… You died taking down the Balrog.”

“Aye, I died, and my greatest regret was leaving you behind. We had already lost our parents and all we had was each other. And then I die on you.” Ecthelion ran his fingers through his brother’s impossibly raven hair. “You were an Elfling when I died. I am so sorry I left you.”

“I wished you had survived. I wanted you so badly. Later, when we fled Gondolin I felt so lost!” Erestor hugged his brother close, determined to never let go again.

“Erestor, I must leave shortly. I cannot exist in the land of the living for long. Námo is already calling me home.” 

“Nay! I won’t let you go!” Erestor clutched Ecthelion frantically. “You would not be so cruel, to come to me and then leave me again! You cannot do this to me! Not again!”

“Erestor, there is a reason why I was allowed to visit with you.” Ecthelion managed to calm his brother down by soothingly rubbing his back. “When I died, you buried your heart with me. It is time to dig it up again.”

“Ecthelion…” Only his brother would phrase it that undiplomatically! “I love you… You were the only family I had. What else was I suppose to do?”

“Erestor, you have found a new family here, don’t you realize that? Glorfindel cares about you as a good friend. The twins adore you and Arwen has given you a place in her heart. You have found a new family here – even a possible lover.”

“He doesn’t want me, Ecthelion. Do we really have to talk about this during the few moments we have?”

“Aye, we must. It is the very reason I was sent here. Erestor, it is time for you to welcome love back into your heart.” The Halls of Waiting were calling him home and he began to grow less solid. His hand, resting on Erestor’s shoulder, was becoming transparent. “I love you, Erestor, never forget that… Open your heart again and you will find that Elrond loves you back.”

“Nay, he doesn’t.” Erestor’s heart, already shattered from losing Ecthelion so long ago, broke again, seeing his brother disappear before his very eyes. “Don’t go, stay!”

“Erestor, more souls will visit with you tonight… Listen to them… Learn your lesson… Learn to love again…” Ecthelion’s last words were nothing more than a last breath, floating toward Erestor on a gentle breeze.

Erestor collapsed onto his knees and wept bitter tears. He had just lost his brother a second time.

***

Erestor finally made it back to his bed. Sitting upright, he pulled his knees close to his chest and continued to shiver all over his body. Ecthelion’s appearance had unbalanced him and he felt very vulnerable, emotionally. His brother had told him to expect more visiting souls and he was trying hard to convince himself that Ecthelion had only been a dream. No one would visit with him tonight – certainly not the souls of the dead!

“Erestor, you are still as stubborn as you were when I was still alive.”

Erestor instantly recognized the voice. “Sire?” He pushed himself onto all fours and crawled toward the foot end of his bed. Seated in a comfortable chair, was Ereinion, the last High-King of the Elves. The King looked solid and just the way he remembered him. “You are a dream. You are not really here.”

Ereinion smiled. “Erestor, I am real and I am here to talk some sense into you, so please refrain from making any absurd comments.” Ereinion rose from his chair and walked over to the bed, grinning, as Erestor crawled away from him. The Advisor hit the head end of the bed and was forced to remain in place. Ereinion seated himself on the bed and patted Erestor’s hand as if he was trying to soothe an upset child. “Now, what is this nonsense that you aren’t good enough for Elrond?”

Erestor grew pale. “How do you know…? Did you talk to Glorfindel?” Suddenly realizing that he was addressing someone who belonged to the dead, he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter how you found out.”

“Oh, Erestor. I leaned heavily on your advice when I was still alive. It was your counsel which brought us victory that day at Mount Doom.”

“But you died.”

“Fate, my friend.” Ereinion sensed that Erestor had calmed and addressed the heart of the matter. “You, Erestor, are beautiful, inside and out. If only you would allow others to see you inner beauty and to take part in it. Glorfindel tries so hard to push past your barriers, but he doesn’t really stand a chance, does he? You should listen to him, really hear him, and not dismiss his words as nonsense. He speaks the truth when he calls you beautiful and cunning. Any Elf would be blessed to have you as his mate.”

“You are only trying to…” Erestor bit his bottom lip. “I know what I am. I am not worthy of someone like Elrond.”

Ereinion sighed, exasperated. “You don’t know Elrond that well, do you?”

“Not in the way you knew him.” His frustration made him lash out and Erestor instantly regretted it. “I didn’t mean that.”

“But you want to know him in that way.” Ereinion felt he was growing weaker – his time here was limited and he was afraid he wouldn’t obtain his goal; making Erestor see that he was worth being loved. “You are still alive, Erestor. You still have a chance at love. Why don’t you take it? Is your heart really as dead as you think it is? Or is Ecthelion right? Make the right decision, Erestor, please.”

Ereinion’s form faded and Erestor was alone once more. He pulled the blanket close and wrapped it around his frame. “Ereinion, I know you mean well, but why would Elrond settle for me? Why?”

“Because he has impeccable taste!”

For one terrible moment Erestor was scared Elrond had entered his rooms and had overheard the last lines of his conversation with Ereinion. Oh, by the Grace of the Valar, he was really going insane, already thinking that he had actually talked to the former High-King.

“Erestor… Erestor…” His name was said in a teasing manner, almost being sung.

Erestor’s eyes widened, finding a form standing in front of the window, which bared an uncanny resemblance to Elrond. “My Lord?”

“We never met, Erestor. So it is only proper if I introduce myself. My name is Elros.” He stepped out of the shadow and into the light and quickly moved closer, hearing Erestor making choking sounds. “Are you all right?”

Erestor fought for his next breath. He had survived talking to Ecthelion and Ereinion, but doubted he would still be sane – and alive – after this encounter. “But…” Oh, the eyes resembled Elrond’s and so did the features. Elros and Elrond were twins and he saw the resemblance, but something was lacking from the eyes. Passion, thirst for knowledge… love… those were the things he saw in Elrond’s gray eyes and which were missing in Elros’. “I don’t understand.

“I find you desirable… extremely attractive. Elrond and I share the same taste. I can assure you he would eagerly bed you.” Elros gave Erestor a wink. “My brother is a bit of a rascal, you know.”

“He is?” Erestor’s mouth had gone dry and he swallowed convulsively, several times.

“Erestor, will you believe me when I say that you definitely have a chance with my twin?”

“How do you know?” Erestor felt feverish, but still registered the fact that Elros’ touch felt hot and inviting. It would be easy to imagine he was talking to Elrond instead.

“Hum, I am not certain I am at liberty to reveal that information to you. Some things must remain hidden from the living.”

“You chose mortality… How can you be here?”

“Only Ilúvatar knows where the souls of mortals go, Erestor. Let it rest. Just believe me when I say that he desires you.” Elros raised his right hand and caressed Erestor’s face. “You are exquisite, Erestor. Don’t throw away love. Listen to your brother… to Ereinion… to me… please. I want to see my twin happy.”

Erestor gasped, seeing Elros’ form fade before his eyes. The next moment, he stared at his reflection in the mirror – he was alone again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“They are wrong… They must be wrong!” Unable to stay in bed any longer, Erestor had taken to pacing the bedroom. He came to a halt in front of the mirror and studied his reflection. Could Ecthelion, Ereinion and Elros be right? Nay!

“Look closer…”

The words were nothing more than a breath of wind, but still reached his ear and made his skin crawl. “Who… Where?”

“Look closer… Look at you… Really look…”

Erestor stared at his reflection and for the first time tonight, he felt fright – real fright. The lips of his reflection had moved, whilst he had remained silent. “What…?”

“Look at yourself… Look at the real you…”

Erestor extended one hand, placed it against the wall, and steadied himself. His reflection however, didn’t move. “Nay…”

A sweet smile appeared on his reflection’s face. “Erestor, look. Look beneath the barriers you have built.”

Erestor felt terrified, seeing his mirror image remove his nightshirt. His reflection was naked now, and he was forced to look at himself – really look.

“You are beautiful, Erestor,” his reflection said, combing his hair with his fingers. “No one else in Imladris has hair as raven as you do. No Elf in Imladris has eyes that dark, that exotic looking. Look at your body, Erestor… In what way do you find it lacking? Isn’t it perfect for lovemaking? For moving beneath your lover in want? Or sinking into his body because you desire to possess him?”
 

“Please stop…” Erestor was convinced he had finally lost his mind. “You aren’t here… You aren’t real…” Fingers moved through his hair and shocked, he stared at his mirror image, which had left the mirror and had taken on solid form.

“Don’t condemn yourself to loneliness, Erestor. Don’t condemn yourself to a life without love… please.”

Erestor screamed, panicked and ran.

***

Elrond was on his way to his rooms, when he heard a shriek that almost froze the blood in his veins. He turned, searching for the source of that cry, and his heart missed a beat, finding Erestor running toward him, clad only in a nightshirt. “Erestor!” He acted at once and caught his friend in his arms. “What is amiss?”

Glorfindel also appeared in the corridor, eager to help. “Elrond?”

“Return to bed, meldir. I will take care of him.”

Glorfindel heard the caring and worried tone in Elrond’s voice and managed to hide his smile until he had closed the door. Maybe now, they would address their feelings.

“Erestor? Come with me.” Elrond seriously doubted that Erestor was even aware of his presence, for the look in the dark eyes spoke of terror. He guided Erestor into his rooms and sat him down near the fire place. After filling a glass with wine, he returned to his friend’s side and seated himself on the couch beside him. “Drink this.” Erestor didn’t react and Elrond was forced to place the glass at the full, trembling lips, which he had desired to kiss many times in the past. “Drink.”

Erestor swallowed instinctively, coughed, fought for breath, and then grew aware of the fact that he was no longer in his rooms. Thunderstruck, he looked into Elrond’s kind eyes. “Nay… not you.”

The words hit Elrond like a cold shower. “Did I do anything to displease you? If I did, I apologize.” He had often considered approaching Erestor with his request to court him, but the Advisor had never given any indication that the attraction was mutual.

“Erestor… remember… don’t lock your heart away…”

“You are still alive… You still have a chance at love…”

“He desires you, Erestor… I know that because we share the same good taste.”

“Look at yourself, Erestor… You are desirable… Kiss him… Kiss him…”

The voices caused a trance and Erestor leaned in closer, searching and finding Elrond’s lips. He stole a kiss, then, sweet and tender, and yet it spoke of passion and longing, leaving nothing to the imagination as to what he really wanted.

“Erestor…” Elrond breathed the name, parting lips and teeth to taste more of him.

Feeling Elrond return the kiss broke Erestor’s trance and his eyes changed expression. They changed from ecstatic to horrified. Quickly, he pulled away… or, he tried to pull away, but Elrond kept him in place. “I shouldn’t have done that… I don’t know what came over me… To presume that…” Erestor didn’t get the chance to end his sentence as lips took his in a passionate kiss. Elrond was kissing him? Had taken the initiative? Had the souls been right?

“I already gave up hope that this day would come,” whispered Elrond, tenderly brushing a wayward lock away from Erestor’s face. “I always wanted to kiss you… to taste you.”

“You did?” Erestor no longer knew what to say – what to do. He had always been convinced that Elrond wouldn’t want him and now… Now the souls had visited him, trying to change his mind and here was Elrond, actually kissing him. “Is this really happening? Or is it a dream?”

“I am real and so are you,” said Elrond, chuckling. “And now that I have you, I refuse to let go again…”

“But…?”

“But what?”

“But you… Elrond… and I… that cannot be…it isn’t…”

“Possible? It is very much possible,” whispered Elrond, seductively licking the tip of Erestor’s right ear. “I have felt about you in this way for a long time, but I thought you weren’t interested in me. But judging by the way you are reacting to my caress, you *are* interested in me.”

“Oh, I am…” Erestor had never felt more loved and quivered with delight, when Elrond’s fingers caressed his throat. “I thought…”

“We were fools… I don’t know what sent you running into my arms, but I am grateful I was there to catch you.” Elrond caressed the inside of Erestor’s wrist and found the pulse there racing. “What spooked you?” Erestor’s only reply was to shiver fiercely.

”Don’t ask… Please don’t ask… Just hold me?” He would sort this out in the morning. What he needed right now was to be held and to feel safe… He had always felt safe with Elrond.

Elrond buried Erestor in a tight embrace and pulled him close. They ended up lying facing each other and after some mild encouragement Erestor even snuggled up to him. “I have loved you for quite some time,” whispered Elrond, pressing a kiss onto Erestor’s hair. When no reply was forthcoming, he cocked his head to look into Erestor’s eyes. But those eyes were glazed over and not alert. Surprised, Elrond realized that Erestor had fallen asleep. “I don’t know what spooked you, but I will keep you safe. From now on, I will guard your dreams.” After pressing another kiss onto the crown of Erestor’s hair, he smiled; Erestor fit perfectly against him. Drifting asleep as well, he never noticed the four forms, watching them from the doorway.

“I told you, impeccable taste,” said Elros, smugly.

“I am glad we managed to get them together… Their love is true.” Ecthelion smiled, happy that his brother had unlocked his heart and allowed love in.

“They will be happy,” added Ereinion.

Three forms faded and returned to the Halls of Waiting, but one form remained and changed appearance. Námo smiled approvingly at the lovers. His work here was done.

The end